20 • The End of Innocence
In a way, it both feels wrong and right for the day to be sunny. It feels wrong because today is Shisui's funeral, held within the Uchiha Clan Compound. I'm actually kind of surprised that the others and I were allowed to attend. I know it's unusual for outsiders to be here, but I suppose since we're just kids that it's fine. We've also been around the clan for years now. We've interacted with them, know their names and what they do. Like the old woman that lives close to the compound gates who gives us her baked goods whenever we pass by. And the other kids around our age that we sometimes play with.
And it feels right because he wouldn't have had it any other way; the teen never liked it when others worried over him. Our time was short and secrets were kept, but it wasn't hard to get to know just what sort of person Shisui was.
It's a little weird for me to stand here, watching and listening to the proceedings. It's not my first funeral of this life; I can still remember the mass funeral that was held shortly after Demon Kitty wreaked havoc on the village. However, it is the first funeral — of both lives — of someone I actually liked and cared for. My time with my mother in this life was too brief for me to truly feel much at her death. And in my last life I kept to myself since it was unanimously agreed that I was a menace, so betrayal was always expected whenever I met someone new.
But now I, rather tentatively on my part, have friends. Despite the fact that they're all younger than me, it's sort of fun too. I didn't set out to become attached; was actually a little frustrated when I realized that I was. The only reason I decided I wouldn't play into Dino's stupid plans in the beginning was because I never respected my elders and he pissed me off, also my screwed moral compass wouldn't let me do anything against kids.
But then they all had to turn out to be good kids that I could tolerate and like. Damn brats.
Speaking of which, the only ones not in attendance are Little Flower and Little Fang. They never got to meet and know Shisui, having only joined our friend group recently and the other busy with ANBU/ROOT. They were nice enough to offer their condolences, but decided not to come when Sasuke extended the invitation.
Maybe it's a little harsh to say, but I'm glad they didn't. I don't think I'd be able to handle the added awkwardness. As it is, I'm having trouble not cringing at the near silent sobs of the kids next to me. Especially since I'm the only one not crying.
Is it wrong, to not shed a single tear? To be honest, I feel numb; the news had filtered in and I automatically catalogued it, but beyond that, my surroundings were static and white noise. Even now, standing over his grave with a flower in hand, my insides feel hollow.
No, I think while dropping a flower in front of Shisui's smiling picture. I'm not so far gone to feel nothing. Not numb. Not empty. Not shocked. It'd be easy to fall back into my training, to lock it all away until I forget about it. It'd be easy to simply go through the motions without actually being emotionally attached. So very easy to succumb to the mental strain and battle; to give up the battle against my emotions and let go of the exhaustion that plagues me.
But I didn't succeed in my last life by doing anything the easy way. I didn't survive by choosing the first option and opportunity. And I sure as hell am not about to start now, when my brats need me - even if they don't know it.
Danzō will pay with his life for his sins against me and mine.
I turn away from the picture and grave, walking back to stand with the crowd. I catch Itachi's eye while walking, an unspoken agreement passing between us before we both look away. We'll need to regroup later, figure what our next steps are and how we'll go about it, but for now we'll take this time to rest and clean our wounds.
Naruto latches onto my side the moment I'm next to him, Sasuke following with an iron grip on my hand. Hinata and Choji stand behind me, huddling close to cling to my shirt. Shikamaru and Shino don't reach out, but they stay close. I'm grateful in a way that's hard to explain.
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
Vaguely, I'm aware that there exists different forms of recruitment and training for ROOT. Each one held and played out to see which presents the better soldiers. I was shoved head-first into the deep end, delivered as a gift on a silver platter. Placed under his direct eye to be observed and taught. The first of my kind, so to say.
Others are brought in slowly and under pretenses, slipping into the ranks from ANBU. I like to call those members Fake or Surface Masks. They don't know how deep and dark ROOT really is, they don't see the children with empty eyes and blank faces. They just see a personal army, no harm done because surely the Third knows and an Elder Council member can be trusted.
The only reason I know they exist is because they do group training with the true Masks — who don't mind sharing what they do. It's a bit of a contradiction to the whole silent and empty shtick, but we're still human.
A cafeteria exists for socialization, but bonds of friendship and the like are routinely discouraged in lectures and lessons. There are no friends in ROOT, just comrades and teammates when in combat or on missions. This makes the cafeteria an information hub instead; a place to get to know who's who, what they do, what the political climate is in the villages, what trainings will be like and when they'll be held.
Nothing personal is given out, mostly because one of the very first lessons in ROOT is to stop being a person, to hold no identity. We are tools, meant to serve our master's orders and actions.
Nothing about missions is said either. What the master decides to do is no business of ours. We do what's expected of us and wait for the next set of orders. No more and no less.
Which is why most don't care about sharing how they were brought into the fold, because it doesn't matter how or why, they're here now and that's that. Most have been around for so long that they forgot, or perhaps that's trauma making them forget - I don't know. But I do know that others were brought in because Dino "saved" them, offered them a new and "better" life. And in their defense, ROOT is undoubtedly better than the slums and terrible home situations. This is a place to grow strong and powerful, to be useful, and there is no better motivation needed to haul over.
It's comparable to being a part of a lab experiment. Testing which variables mixed together would give the best or worst results. However, in the end, ROOT is ROOT, no matter where you fall on the spectrum.
For this matter, despite being one of the Surface Masks, Itachi is still recognized as ROOT. I don't know how it works — being able to instinctively know who is ROOT — but I suspect the seal on my tongue and his ANBU tattoo. Maybe there's a function in it to recognize another seal-bearer; afterall, the seal doesn't have to be placed on the tongue. It would actually be really fucking stupid if that was the case with the Surface Masks.
Either way, as a recognized co-worker, it's infinitely easier to pass on information from my end. Nothing too big or damning, Surface Masks aren't supposed to be aware of the organization's core and heart; they're still bound to be more loyal to the Hokage. Which is why only true Masks (those who are part of the core and darkness) can recognize other ROOT.
And apparently, from what Shisui once mentioned to me, ANBU doesn't hold the same barrier of a seal to contain information. They're advised to have practice discretion and are trusted to keep silent.
It's a different kind of stupid but maybe that's just my trust issues talking. I hate agreeing with Dino on anything, but like come on! Absolutely no insurance? Just pure trust being the thing keeping this village's secrets together? Seriously!?
"Konoha-nin are notoriously loyal," Itachi offers as an explanation, not even looking at me as he munches on his dango.
I stare at the side of his head incredulously because what a load of bullshit. "Are we just conveniently forgetting your ancestor, the sanin, and village elders, then? Because oh yeah, real loyal."
He winces, obviously seeing my point but not willing to verbally concede. I roll my eyes and let him, too tired to argue about something unimportant at the moment. Though, all this thinking about terrible secret keeping reminds me of something else.
"You aren't telling me something," I state quietly, confident in my own words. I don't look over to see what his reaction is to the words, keeping my gaze locked on the rushing river below my feet. "There's something you're keeping from me, something important. You kept it from Shisui too." I can't hold back a sigh as I lift my gaze to the morning sky.
"I trust you, Itachi. I really do. I trust that you're aware of the danger you're in and getting into. I trust that you know when you can't do something on your own. I trust that you've gone through all possible options before making a large decision. I trust that you know you can always come to me for help, that I'll always be willing to lend a hand or just listen or even simply sit in silence with you. I trust your judgement, so, please," I pause, biting on my tongue to keep my tone level. "That something you aren't telling me and didn't tell Shisui — is it dangerous? Can you handle it?" Will you be okay?
Silence fills the area for a long moment. I refuse to turn my gaze to look at him. Staring at him will only put a pressure on him, an expectation of what sort of response he should give. This is a decision Itachi has to come to on his own. Something he needs time to figure out, think of the options he has and what they can mean.
I feel and hear him slump in exhaustion. Without even looking over I already know that his expression would be showing the recent stress he's been trying to keep at bay. He's only thirteen, a burden too big on his shoulders and virtually no support. It frustrates me to know that I can't offer him more help; I'd just end up dead if I tried and that'd add even more stress to the boy.
"It's dangerous," he confirms quietly, tone slightly bitter and resigned. "I…I don't know if.."
"..you don't know if you can handle it, but see no other way?" I finish for him, equally as quiet.
"Hn."
I hum slightly while closing my eyes, thinking. The thing that's on my mind the most is his age. He's barely a teenager, barely hitting puberty for fucks sake. Ninja village, responsibilities, and skills or not, it's a bunch of bullshit to have someone burdened so young. Even if Shisui was just as young, only three years older, at least they were there for each other. I can't do that for him-
Oh. I straighten up and turn, eyes open to stare. Itachi glances at me, visibly tired but curious as well. I only furrow my brows, furiously thinking, trying to remember..
"Princess," I begin slowly, bits slowly coming back to mind. Nothing is certain, most is fuzzy around the edges and debatable, but even if I'm wrong, it's still a good idea. "In ANBU, is there anyone you trust? Completely?"
He blinks, a frown settling on his face. He narrows his eyes at me. "You want to bring someone else in on the situation." It's not a question and he isn't wrong either.
"Hear me out. This whole situation? It's dangerous. And I don't doubt for a moment that it isn't going to go to shit, either. We need to be prepared- you need to be prepared for the worst. You can't do that if you have no support. You need someone reliable to-"
"And what about you?"
"I am eight!" I hate bringing up my age, hate how much it proves my inability to help, but I need him to understand. "You are thirteen. We can't do this ourselves, we need someone with experience, someone who knows both sides and can help."
"That wasn't what I was asking."
"I know." He was asking about my precarious position in ROOT, asking what bringing someone into the fold would mean about my safety. But honestly, fuck that. "It's not important." If someone "figures it out", I wouldn't technically be going against Danzō. At worst, I'll be pulled out from this stupid long-term mission and kept at Camp to become just another Mask and number. But I wouldn't be immediately killed, so…bright side.
"We're inexperienced and way in over our heads."
"…and how do we know they won't go to the Hokage? Or to him?"
He's considering the idea, a wry smile flits across my face before dropping. His question has merit, but as I was thinking at the start of this little argument, there might be someone we can turn to. Or, someone he can turn to. For my own survival and sanity, I'd like to be unknown as long as possible.
When I was first brought into the fold, there was a stray thought I had. People to be wary of, people that know about ROOT but are not part of it. It'd had something to do with…wood, cats, dogs, and scars.
Damn, I normally have impeccable memory. Something to be concerned about later.
"We pick someone that would side with us, and possibly know how a tree's roots work. Afterall, the roots of a tree are all connected at a single point."
"The seal," he whispers in realization. "But.."
"Someone like you and Shisui," I hurry to clarify. "You two are leaves, and despite the fact that you fell, you're still leaves."
He stares, clearly thinking based on the small furrow in his brows. "I might know someone," he says slowly, testing out the words.
"Do you trust them?" I immediately demand.
"Yes." No hesitation.
"Okay."
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
It's been about two weeks since I met up with Itachi and we had a discussion about what our next move was; specifically, the decision to tell someone else. I had decided that I didn't want to know, a form of insurance, and asked to not be mentioned if possible. I did offer what little I remember, the four little clues, in case it'd mean anything to him. It did, apparently, because he offered his thanks when we briefly saw each other last week.
While he's been busy with that, I've continued with my own routine. Doing the errands assigned to me, being vaguely concerned about the information I'm gathering and trying not to think too much about it. It can't be any worse than the spy whose face I slammed into a grill; fuck, that mission was a whole ass mess. Or my very first mission of saving Little Bunny; I don't regret it but it definitely could have gone better.
How the fuck did I get away with any of that?
I pause, taking a moment to actually think about that, then decide that no, I absolutely do not want to know. I'll just pin the blame on Dino and move on. Anything else will be bad for my health.
Satisfied with that, I turn my attention back to my current situation. Which is performing an assessment test for Dino to observe and criticize. I don't know anything about the sudden interest-..well, "sudden" would be the wrong word to use for this situation. Danzō has always been interested in my training, dropping by at the most random of times and inconsequential of training regimes. He'd watch, keeping silent the entire time, and leave with either a grunt of approval or silence. Very rarely does he actually say something. But it is odd that he'd want to see the full results of my training.
There isn't anything I could reliably do about it. Short of getting injured in training or severely sick, I can't opt out or postpone this little show. It's tempting, however, to hold back, but the brief eye-contact I held with him when he first arrived promises nothing good if I do.
I haven't faced any corrective punishment in years, and while my pain tolerance has definitely increased because of my beginning years in the room, I'm walking a very delicate line right now. I can't mess up here.
The room I'm supposed to perform this test in is large and circular. There's a balcony that wraps around the whole room, high enough to be out of the way but still able to see below clearly. It reminds me of a stadium or colosseum. It makes me uneasy.
Danzō stands at the balcony, only one guard behind him. I stand at the bottom, in the arena, alone and wondering how this test is supposed to go.
Then Danzō motions something with one hand, the other holding onto his cane, and the guard disappears. They reappear soon enough, right in front of me.
"Begin."
What? Hold on-
I instinctively lean to the side, watching in mute surprise as the Mask is suddenly within my space. There's no time to think, reflex being the only thing keeping me from being stabbed with their kunai. I don't even notice that I've grabbed one of my own, holding it up at chest level and ready to deflect anything flying my way.
Mask follows the dodge with a kick, aiming for my kidneys. I shift my weight, turning to catch the momentum as it pushes me away. I need the space, just a moment to push away the shock so I can start thinking clearly.
Taking in a quiet but deep breath, I begin mentally listing everything in my arsenal. That includes the basics, genjutsu, (my bastardized and crude) iryo-jutsu, kenjutsu, taijutsu, and essential survival skills.
Hiding and tracking won't do me any good in such an open area, so I file that away for now. My medical knowledge, gleaned from textbooks and the "teachings" imparted to me from Kizashi, would help in knowing where to strike. The iryo-jutsu itself, which I've been self-learning with no prior knowledge of what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing, only works for myself — a form of self-healing. That isn't why I call it crude or bastardized, though. It's crude because it took a lot of experimenting to figure out how to actually heal instead of just closing wounds and hoping for the best with whatever is underneath. It has resulted in a lot of mutilated fish and scars, so far.
Kenjutsu is a standard practice in the training curriculum. I'm not bad at it, but also not necessarily good either. And as a standard, there's no doubt that Mask wouldn't know what my next moves would be and how to best counterattack. It'll at least even the playing field a little if they decide to pull out their standard tanto.
Really, my best bets in this fight are taijutsu, genjutsu, and the basics. Taijutsu because I'm used to and comfortable with the idea of physically fighting others, so it's one of my best skills. Genjutsu because I have the chakra control and strategic mind needed for the more subtle uses; such as changing one's distance perception. Also, I have the memories of a whole other world in my head. The shock that'll come from the different environment and technology would earn me a few seconds.
The basics are exactly what it sounds like. Kunai and shuriken throwing, surface-walking, traps, and whatnot. The stuff taught in the academy, really.
Then there's my basically nonexistent ninjutsu. It's not that I can't perform them, but the only ones I know are the ones most used for survival. So I technically wouldn't even count them as ninjutsu. There's also the issue of not having the large reserves or properly developed coils needed for any jutsu that'd be useful offensively. The small stuff is okay because with my control very little chakra is actually used externally.
External use of chakra is when you basically throw it out from your body altogether, which is what ninjutsu is. Being chakra extensive, it's dangerous to use so young while still developing chakra coils. Genjutsu can also be technically classified as external use, from what I've seen and experienced, but I believe it'd be more accurate to call it a transfer of chakra since it's about affecting the brain of a person, meaning you have to attach your chakra to theirs. Unless the genjutsu is being applied to an area, which yeah, that's external use. You're still losing chakra in both, but the first kind often pulls from the affected's own chakra to supply itself, so not much is actually lost.
Internal use, like enhancing muscles, is just being redirected because it always returns to a person's reserves. Stuff like sticking to surfaces or vice versa is technically external use, except for the fact you pull the chakra back in instead of letting it go.
Also I'm not anything like the geniuses this world spits out. Especially when those geniuses come from clans and are male, meaning naturally larger reserves and strength.
Complain later, fight now, I remind myself as I shift to dodge another strike. Mask is larger, stronger, and more experienced than me. But if I can use my smaller stature to my advantage, alongside my natural speed, it should be as fair as a fight as possible.
If it was allowed, I'd smirk as I crouch and lash out with my leg, catching my opponent at the knee. They stagger, almost buckling over from my enhanced kick, but are just as quick to move away.
I chase after, knowing that I'd be no good in a distance fight. My best chance is being up close and personal, easier to strike out and watch for movements to dodge. It'd also allow me to make hand signs without being obvious.
What's the point of weaving a genjutsu when they can see you weave a genjutsu?!
Besides, perception based illusions are best made when you're out of sight. Less obvious of a change and more effective that way.
From here the fight dissolves into a blur of pure motion. Instincts and reflexes being used to their fullest capacity while I try to analyze my way around my opponent.
Being so small, I stick to mostly trying to make them overbalance. They respond by trying to kick me into a wall while simultaneously trying to stab me. So really, I'm exactly surprised when I am, eventually, launched into a wall — just really annoyed that it happened. That annoyance nose dives into irritation upon seeing the fire jutsu heading my way.
As I flip away, I throw some shuriken in the process, using their own jutsu against them as cover. They throw some of their own right back — a few to deflect mine and most aiming for me. I dodge, risking a second of looking away from my opponent to eye the shuriken more closely when it embeds into the wall.
The wire, that I can only faintly see because I'm looking for it, is a tad disappointing. Not because I was expecting it, but because it's a little predictable. It's one of the many skills taught around here despite not many being very good at it. We're mostly taught how to spot and disable them. So why bother-?
Oh fuck. I don't have much time to think, jumping as high as I can and barely escaping the earth spikes that erupt from around the area I was just in. No agent is a one-element-trick pony. Then the shuriken are being tugged out from the wall as the wire is pulled to maneuver them behind me - essentially trapping me in wire.
It closes in on me while I'm still midair, but a burst of chakra wrapped around me the moment it touches me is enough to break it apart. I quickly catch myself on the wall with chakra, my feet being the only thing actually holding me up. Crouching so I can keep a better eye on my opponent, I begin to reevaluate the situation.
My best chance of winning is through a surprise attack. But with such an open area, how the hell am I going to pull that off?
There is no such thing as a fair fight, I inwardly sigh. Smoke bombs and explosive seals it is then.
Launching myself forward and over the earth spikes, I reach into my pouch and quickly throw out five kunai with explosive seals wrapped around the handle underneath the leather wrapping.
Honestly, why wrap an explosive seal around the kunai handle for all to see? Or tie it to the end like a banner? No one can even debate the effect of usage because seals like this have been buried in dirt before and worked.
For being all about fighting and murder, ninja sure aren't very efficient or smart about it, I muse absently while throwing down smoke bombs just as the kunai leave my fingers.
The smoke bombs go off before the kunai can land, meaning multiple explosives happen in quick succession around Mask - adding to the smoke. I can feel the heat of explosives when I make my own landing in the general area to the right of Mask.
I'm only a slight sensor, not bad and not great, just barely enough according to my instructors. I don't have any references so I couldn't tell if I was being judged unfairly. Not that anything here is fair, so the feedback was taken with a grain of salt.
Due to this, I know where Mask had jumped away too. They're trying to get out of the slowly dissipating smoke, but don't seem to notice me as I skunk forward. Either they aren't a sensor or I've gotten better with suppressing my chakra.
It doesn't really matter when instincts win out over everything else and Mask dives away from my enhanced punch. And I was aiming for their kneecaps too, damn.
The smoke is starting to disappear more quickly than normal and I suspect a minor wind jutsu being the reason why. It just means I have a decreasing time limit for a surprise attack.
With this in mind, I channel my chakra to my legs and feet to help in increasing my speed and muffle my steps. I'll have to work on being able to physically keep quiet while running; it's just pulling out more chakra than necessary from my resting reserves.
I get close enough to wipe out some wire to wrap around their arm and harshly tug it behind them. They don't let it bother them, twisting with the movement to strike out at me with their standard tanto.
I'm forced to leap away, pulling free my own to parry another strike. Tanto's aren't long by any means, they fall on the shorter blade length spectrum than any other classified sword. It means that the fight is still in relative close quarters, allowing for kicks to be lashed out. The problem with this is that, being larger and taller, Mask has more reach than I do. And chakra reinforcement can only go so far in blocking physical blows.
Case in point, Mask kicks at me from the front instead of the side. I choke slightly from the sudden loss of breath, barely aware enough to lean away from an attack aimed at my face. I'm not fast enough, unfortunately, and the blade's edge catches on the skin of my cheek to my chin.
I bite down on the urge to curse, and instead start to change the course of my chakra. It'll scar, I have no doubt about that with how distracted I am, and I'll be forced to figure out a way to explain it away to well-meaning brats and parents later, but right now it's a risk of blood loss that I can't afford.
Instead of trying to get away and put distance between us, I launch myself forward while dropping my tanto. They stumble in surprise and try to catch me on their blade, but I reach out with my hand and grip the blade as if it was one of the balance beams frequently used in training. With my weight all on one side instead of directly on top of the blade, Mask loses balance and leans forward.
Quickly, I reach out and grab them by their hair to pull them even closer as I twist and wrap my legs around their neck in a chokehold. I let go of their blade in the process, barely even paying the large cut on my palm any attention as I focus on locking my position. They try to reach back to grab and throw me off, having let go of their own tanto in the few seconds, but I only lean back with all my weight to overbalance them and put even more weight/pressure on their neck.
I don't expect them to give up, that's not how we're trained, so I'm not surprised to find them reaching for one of their kunai pouches. It's annoying, though, and I'm getting tired so I grit my teeth and begin performing hand signs as fast as I can while basically hanging upside down.
The genjutsu takes hold just before they can touch the pouch, missing it by an inch. It's not much, but enough to buy me some time to start a new string of hand signs.
It's ill-advised to try a new jutsu or modify a jutsu while fighting, but I want to end this fight already. So I shove aside the mental warnings and finish the hand signs for the modified lightning jutsu I never got around to testing out before.
"Raiton: Spark," I bite out, needing as much help as possible for this to work.
As the name would suggest, Raiton: Spark is only meant for the user to expel small lightning sparks from their fingertips. It's usually used for chakra control when first learning lightning release, but it can also be used to start a fire so it was included in my survival training and thus one of the only ninjutsu I know.
However, this modified version I've been thinking about would, theoretically, allow sparks to be expelled from any part of the body. Say, for example, my legs. The amount of chakra needed for the normal version isn't a lot, and really all that's modified is where I direct the chakra, so it's not dangerous to my coils to use.
It starts small, barely felt sparks alighting on the skin of my legs. Normally, with standard shinobi-grade black pants on, it seem stupid to use this because it's efficiency would be lessened. The lightning will still carry over, but it won't be as potent as direct skin contact. But I'm not aiming to kill my opponent, so it would be fine in this situation. Even if it means suffering the brunt of the modified jutsu.
Gritting my teeth together at the burning and prickling sensation, I wait it out until it passes over to Mask. I know the moment it does; Mask freezes and audibly chokes before giving an almost violent twitch.
I almost curse aloud when they drop, not having expected them to react in such a manner. Letting go of the jutsu immediately and unlocking my legs from their neck, I fall into a roll. I grimace slightly as I realize that my legs feel sort of numb and the muscles are twitching sporadically. I'll probably have burns all over and that's going to be such a pain to try and heal.
Looking over at the slightly twitching, but otherwise unmoving body, I take a moment to just stare. I was thinking more along the lines of being disoriented, not passing the fuck out when using that justu. Though, maybe I miscalculated how fast and far lightning jumps, so it likely reached the brain for Mask to be unconscious right now.
They'll need to see a medic soon, I think while straightening up and regulating my breathing, before they go into shock and actually die. Turning to look at where Danzō is, I'm just a little surprised to find he's still alone on the balcony. No other guard next to him and certainly no verified medic.
He doesn't look my way, stares at the unconscious form of my opponent instead. I don't blink when he disappears and reappears next to me, falling into a practised bow instead.
"A good showing, 86," he praises boredly, still not looking at me. He walks to stand by Mask's head, a slight frown on his face from what I can see in my peripheral. "Your assessment isn't over yet."
Fuck damnit. I'm tired, what the hell else does he want me to do?
"Kill him."
Oh.
My body moves on it's own, pulling a kunai from my pouch and walking to the downed body. The act of killing doesn't phase me, I've always known it was in my future, but this somehow feels different. Is it because it's my first kill in this life? Is it because this death is being carried out on orders?
I don't even realize I've slid the kunai cleanly across Mask's throat until I feel their blood on my hands. I stare at it, watching as the stranger's blood mixes with my own from when I grabbed the blade earlier.
"Congratulations," Danzō says from above me. I look up. He's smiling. Ah. "You've passed your final exam."
It's different because it's proof that I'll never know what childhood innocence means. Proof that I'll never be an innocent. Not even with another chance at life.
"Thank you, Danzō-sama."
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
It is not easy to walk into the cafeteria after my final exam. Not when there's the phantom feeling of slick and warm fresh blood on my hands. Not when I can recognize and guess the reason behind numerous others' shadowed and blank eyes. Not when my mind notes the decrease in numbers.
No one talks about it; either because of the trauma it brought or forcefully, mentally filing it away under "not anyone's business but the master's."
The room is noticeably quieter, but the older Masks only look at us blankly - there is no pity, no sympathy, no remorse. It is what it is, and that's that. I don't doubt that the rest of us will grow to think and be the same.
It's sad, in a tragic and bitter way. If I was capable, I'd probably cry for the loss that was collectively had. I only feel tired about it all.
So I shove those thoughts and feelings away, focusing on the food in front of me and the explanations I'll need to give tomorrow about my new scar(s).
The only one visible is the one on my face, cutting the left side of my face from my cheek to my chin. If I have to, I'll just wear a medical mask and fake being sick until I can set up an opportunity to make any lie I make up seem believable.
The ones on my legs are an angry red that arch and spindle their way around the limb, from my thighs to my calves; ironically enough looking like lightning flashing across a dark storm cloud. They can easily be covered with some pants and wraps, keeping the bottom cuffs from potentially revealing anything.
The scars are still sensitive and hurt with every twitch, but I'll need to endure it for the duration it'll take for them to heal properly. Especially since I was denied seeing a certified medic. Though, I think it has less to do with me and my independent learning, and more with the fact the injuries are beyond the organization's medic's capabilities. At least I was able to heal the cut on my palm without scarring.
Medics that know iryo-ninjutsu are few, so the hospital hoards them rather zealously. The ones that know how to deal with the really bad injuries are even fewer.
Grimacing at the pain and deciding I won't be able to think up a good enough explanation while this exhausted, I lift my head to look around the room once more. There are some new faces, unsurprising with Dino's various recruit/training regimes. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to think he isolated some until now.
No one stands out enough to catch my attention for longer than a second. I'll still have to find the time to talk to them later; networking and all that.
With nothing to even remotely entertain me, I hold back a sigh and continue shoveling fruit in my mouth. I try not to think too much about anything while eating, it'd ruin my appetite. However, I can't help but wonder if Itachi is having a better day than me. Though, maybe that's setting the bar too low. Either way, I'm sure he's having more luck than me.
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
I knew that I'd have to fend off well-meaning people today, especially since I slapped on a medical mask I stole from the Nurse's Office, but I didn't think they'd be so damn persistent in their worry and care. Already I've had to smack away several hands reaching to check my temperature and turn down various dinner invites.
It's sweet, really, but it makes keeping up with my lie tedious and annoying. Especially since I'm using my chakra to help make it all the more believable by keeping my body temperature warmer than normal. And faking coughs hurt my throat. At least it's easy to fake dizziness when my legs flare up in pain at random times and almost make me trip.
"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything, Sakura?" Choji glances at me with wide, concerned eyes before looking down at my unopened bento. I'm surprised Mikoto keeps making them for Naruto and I, but I won't deny her cooking is good.
"Ah, I don't really feel that hungry. It's fine, Little Butterfly," I rasp quietly, internally mourning my lunch. A little hunger is nothing I'm not used to, though.
He frowns, sharing a look with the others, but let's it go. At least, until Hinata shuffles forward and thrusts a water bottle with a straw in my face. I try to politely deny it, but everyone is staring me down and children really shouldn't be able to express disappointment so well so young.
At least with the straw I don't have to list my mask up. Though, thinking about it some more, I probably could have used a genjutsu to cover up my scar. It'd be a waste of chakra but I wouldn't have to deal with everyone's concern.
Ah, but if someone noticed and dispelled the genjutsu, it'd be even worse, I muse while sipping from my drink, blocking out everyone and everything.
Little Flower and Fang have fitted into the group nicely, like they were always there. Normally, being the only civilian (technically, since Naruto is a completely different classification) of the group would be weird, but there isn't actually anything different about our lifestyles (on the outside, at least, because there is nothing common or relatable about being a secret child soldier/agent).
Ino still has her other friends, but I believe that they're more classmates than friends. There's a certain camaraderie in being in kunoichi classes together — or so I've heard. I skipped out of those lessons at the first opportunity that presented itself. Hinata doesn't attend because whatever they teach there is apparently already a part of her clan lessons. And I know Ino doesn't need to attend either, being a clan heir, but according to her it's a nice "hobby."
I just think that goes to show how (weak? useless?) superfluous the lessons are. To be honest, with everything I'm learning in ROOT, the academy is disappointing and lackluster. It is in need of a complete overhaul.
Like why are we barely learning about chakra and how to find it? I've known that shit since I was five. Why aren't we learning about specializations? Why are all classes the same? Why aren't there any child-friendly stimulations? Leadership starts early, you know!
"What are you thinking about so loudly?" Shikamaru yawns next to me, peering at me with one eye.
I roll my eyes at the slight jab, but answer truthfully anyway. It's not the first time he's prodded me for my thoughts randomly. "The standards of the academy."
He looks up at me slightly confused, head tilted in a silent question to elaborate. It almost makes me sigh, knowing that he's just pulled me into another discussion/debate. It's probably his favorite thing after shogi and Go. Really, for someone so lazy and disinterested in socializing, he's oddly talkative.
Remembering to keep my voice soft and slightly raspy, I begin explaining my thought process, occasionally asking him vague questions about his training at home for evidence to back up my points.
Somewhere along the way, Sasuke and Shino shift closer and join the discussion. Which I'm actually glad for because I know Sasuke can perform a Fire-Ball (C-rank) jutsu better than some chunin. (Which I still find to be ridiculously stupid because his coils are not ready for that kind of shit! I really need to find out if being part of a clan means their coils develop differently or something. It medically makes no fucking sense!) And Shino always has logical explanations for just about everything, being the type of person to think about things thoroughly.
The conversation lasts until the end of lunch, in which Shikamaru looks slightly thoughtful. The topic must have interested him enough for him to keep thinking about it. This is further evidenced by the way he just stares outside the window during lessons instead of sleeping like he normally would.
I wonder if he'll bring it up with his father when he gets home. It seems like a topic he'd want to get Shikaku's opinion on, especially when the man should know more about it.
Oh well, I yawn as class ends. I didn't get much, if any, sleep last night. Hard to sleep when you keep remembering the movements and feelings of killing a downed man.
It's not that I haven't done it Before. Hell, I was the one that demanded others make sure their enemy was dead by shooting them a second or third time. But that Mask (man, stranger, no-name) wasn't my enemy. He was just my opponent in a fight.
Once, when I was first shoved down the rabbit hole, I vowed to take down the adults of the organization. However, there is no justification in killing people that are nothing more than weapons and puppets; people that were manipulated.
Morally it's…Actually, I don't know where it'd fall on the moral scale, but my gut is telling me "(probably) not good."
The academy was supposed to be my time to rest, not question all the fuck ups in my lives, I scowl behind my mask while stepping out of the building.
I'm quickly distracted from my thoughts as Naruto bounds up next to me, Sasuke following after closely. Looking around, I can see that the others are already leaving, waving as they depart. I wave back absently, glancing at the sky to find it covered in graying clouds.
"Hey, Sakura! Sasuke wants to train some more before heading home. Join us?" Naruto is practically bouncing in place, grinning excitedly. Sasuke wasn't far behind, trying not to look as eager or impatient.
Any other time it'd be amusing to see and I'd agree, but I'm still really sore and would like to try and catch a nap. The academy has too many people around for me to get any real sleep, and I'm rather tense about making sure my scars are always covered.
I should probably look into cosmetics, but I don't have the money and ROOT won't supply me with any unless I write up a long-ass report about why.
Maybe Mikoto will have something. Our skin tones don't match but I've worked with worse before. She'll likely question me on why, which is the opposite of what I want. Perhaps Itachi would feel up to stealing from his mother for me?
Most likely not, I grimace minutely. Itachi would sooner buy some for me than touch his mother's things.
"Can't." I shake my head, focusing back on the present. "But if it's okay, I wanted to talk to your mom, Sasuke. Think she'd mind if I stop by right now?" I actually want to know if Itachi is around. I want to know how he's handling things.
Sasuke blinks before tilting his head in consideration. "She won't mind. She likes you and the others enough that it'll be okay. But she might invite you for dinner."
"That's fine, I think. I don't have anything else to do today." And it's true, which is rather odd because I always have some little errand to run for Dino. Either way, I'll simply decline as usual, just on my own terms this time. I really need to find a permanent solution for my scar. "Thanks. I'll see you later, then."
We wave each other off, with me staying behind a little longer as the two of them move off towards one of the academy training grounds. Vaguely I can hear Naruto ask about coming over for dinner too, Sasuke snapping back about shouting and loud voices but ultimately agreeing.
I roll my eyes at the familiar sight and argument, turning around to start walking for the Uchiha compound. I haven't forgotten how tense the atmosphere inside of it currently is, so I'll have to make my visit quick. The adults are more stone-faced than usual, last I saw. Compared to Itachi's polite stoicism, Shisui's happy personality, and Sasuke's moody attitude, it's interesting to wonder what they were all like as children as well. Or what Itachi and Sasuke will be like once older.
As it is, Sasuke is a motivated and moody brat. Makes me shudder to think what he'll be like once puberty hits. Probably reckless and volatile. He seems like the type, especially if Naruto is there to egg him on.
Wouldn't they be genin by then? I frown to myself while walking down the various streets, absently waving hello to the civilians I know. Isn't that when the story-show-whatever starts? Why am I wondering? Shouldn't I already know?
That is..concerning.
I close my eyes, letting muscle memory and instinct lead the way, while trying to dig through my thoughts. The compound is about an hour or two by walking, so I have time. To start, what can I remember?
Fights, mostly, but they're unusually fuzzy and vague. I know something happens after my class is set to become genin. Water, cold, forest, sand, and death. But what are the details? Sasuke and Naruto stick together, I think. Didn't I once describe him as an asshole?
What was it? I grit my teeth together, very unhappy with this new discovery of forgetting several things. I know Danzō is a bastard, but before, when I first met him, why and how did I know?
I'm missing something important. Something that's just at the tip of my tongue and fingertips. It's there but intangible, slipping out of my grasp every time and getting further away the more I focus on it. But what is it? What am I missing-
Turn around. Don't look.
I freeze. That was not my thought process or instincts. In fact, my instincts are rebelling against the directions for all that my body is frozen and stuck between going forward and turning around.
I open my eyes only to immediately close them and grimace as I'm assaulted with a headache. Tilting my head to the stare at the ground, I try again more slowly. The headache is still there but not as bad or attention grabbing.
I glance around while still keeping my gaze locked to the ground. The street is empty, but that's expected because this part of the village is out of the way and isolated. Even if the villagers don't go down this way a lot, since the Uchiha live here, it's also too quiet for being close to the forest.
Uchiha, I jolt and snap my gaze back up. The headache is back but I push it away as I squint in front of me. I can see the compound gates, but there is a softness to the sight that makes me want to slide my gaze away.
I gently fluctuate my chakra to see where the genjutsu is attaching and attacking me from. I can feel it gently wrapped around my mind, weakening the more I am aware of it, but I can also sense it around me. Coming from...the clan symbol painted on the gates.
That's really advanced genjutsu, I frown as I snap my chakra against the foreign piece to cut it off. To attach a genjutsu to an object, and old paint at that, which affects both the area and the brain of anyone close by.
Well, as if the greying clouds and my new scars wasn't enough to make today seem like a bad day, this happens.
To walk inside or to not walk inside, that is the question - one I honestly do not need to think about. Of course I'm walking inside. Just because they're hard to notice doesn't mean genjutsu won't be noticed at all. Though, kudos to however did it because this is a prime spot to place an area genjutsu - no one really comes around this part. It's just..Uchiha are kinda known for their genjutsu and finding them? Not that I really think it was meant for them, but still, if it was then that's just stupid.
And a red flag, I muse while walking up to the gate. It's empty and red flag number two - there's always a guard at the gate. Stepping inside the compound and looking around reveals red flag number three and thus successfully filling in the requirements of Why This Is A Bad Idea and I Should Leave.
Dead bodies.
I blink and look around some more, but nope, this is not a genjutsu or morbid prank. Huh. Okay. I should definitely be feeling more about this situation. Because this is concerning. And wrong.
Am I in shock?
I walk up to the nearest body and crouch by their head without looking at their face to press my fingers to their pulse point. The body is still warm, ew, and there is no pulse. I lean over and place my head on their chest just to be sure.
No heartbeat. Well.
I stand back up and continue down the street while noting everyone I come across. There aren't many, not on the streets, but with how quiet things are I don't doubt that more can be found inside the houses and shops.
Glancing up at the sky as I walk, I find that it's dark despite being six in the afternoon, maybe closer to seven. Sasuke, and Naruto by extension, will likely train for a few more hours before making his way here - which adds at least another hour.
Oh fuck, Sasuke and Naruto are coming by later. I freeze, the reality of the situation finally crashing down on me as I spin around and actually take in my surroundings.
I can't do anything for the dead and who knows how many, if any, are still alive because fuck knows how long ago this first started. There is still a very slim chance though so I spin on my heel and sprint down the streets, ignoring my protesting legs as I stretch out my senses for another's chakra signature.
My jaw tenses as I realize I can't feel anything- anyone. Not good, but I wasn't exactly jumping into this unknown situation with much hope. Really, the more bodies I find lining the streets, alongside evidence of struggle and fighting back, the more I'm filled with dread for the inevitable.
At least I see no children, I try to console myself while ignoring the logical part of me that says they can just be inside. Silver lining, bright side, optimism- just keep it together.
I slide to a stop upon reaching the main house - Itachi and Sasuke's home. It looks darker than every other building in the compound, but it's also the only place with no bodies or blood around it. Bright side, bright side, bright- people.
I blink, mind slowly registering the three signatures I feel inside the house in front of me. Once it clicks into place my body is already moving forward, training taking over as I rush inside on silent steps.
However, the moment I recognize the signatures, all thought of stealth is thrown out the window and I'm yanking the door open with so much force that it bounces against the frame.
Mikoto, Fugaku, and Itachi all stare at me with wide eyes. Mikoto and Fugaku who are sitting in seiza in front of a standing Itachi that has a bloodied sword in hand and sharingan displayed for all to see.
"What the fuck is going on."
Itachi reacts first, stepping forward with ill-concealed panic in his eyes. "You shouldn't be here." His voice is annoyingly level.
"Fuck that," I snap back while stepping inside the room and closing the door behind me.
"Sakura-," Mikoto tries next, expression incredibly sad and distraught.
"You are too calm," Fugaku cuts her off, blank faced and monotone. "You saw the dead. You ran through the blood. You're too calm."
I shift to lean back but don't look away from him. It isn't like I can say I killed a man yesterday, or that I've been responsible for more deaths in my last life. "I'm also really confused and would appreciate a fucking explanation because Sasuke is due to be here in a few hours, with Naruto in tow, under the idea of having dinner together."
They flinch back, Mikoto and Itachi more noticeable than Fugaku. His expression actually falls into something resembling regret and pain, mixed with determination for something. Surprisingly, he is the one to offer an explanation.
"We made our choices and Itachi is the one unfortunate enough to be ordered to deal out the consequences."
Ordered. Ordered. By who!?
I slump in a mix of exhaustion, pain (my legs are killing me), and resignation because I already know the answer to that question. Still, I look over at Itachi for an answer of some kind. Anything really to explain why and how.
I am only slightly startled to see him silently crying. I am marginally more startled when he drops to his knees, sword clattering to the floor, and sobs.
Mikoto lurches forward, crying herself as she holds her son close. I don't wince, per se, as I realize that I probably just shattered whatever resolve and courage Itachi had gathered to be able to kill his own parents.
God this is a mess.
I look from the scene as respectfully as I can, catching the gaze of Fugaku as I do. We stare at each other, evaluating and judging, for the minutes it takes for the mother-son duo to calm down. He must see something because his shoulders relax as he tilts his head in the two's direction, a question in his eyes and steel resolve in his expression.
I blink back, confused, before glancing over at the different spots his eyes flicker to. The sword. Itachi. Mikoto. Me. The sword. Mikoto. Me. The- oh.
Yeah, okay. It's the least I could do since I sort of fucked up and destroyed the mental strength Itachi had.
I nod, solemn and bitter but determined. It's almost sad to see the relief in his eyes. He isn't even apologetic in the least, asshole.
I'm going to miss him.
Sighing, I walk over to the hugging duo but don't interrupt them, picking up the sword that Itachi dropped instead. I hear him shift to look at me and can almost feel the confusion, then realization as it hits. I neatly side step his hand that reaches out to stop me.
"Sakura, no-," he starts, already rising to grab me. It makes Mikoto look over in the process, confused.
I meet her eyes head on when she looks at me once she realizes what's going on too. Her expression is still distraught, but just like her husband, there is relief in her eyes. At least she has the decency to give me an apologetic and thankful look.
I'm going to miss her too.
Turning to face Itachi, I can already see that he's exhausted - more mentally and emotionally than physically. He steps forward and I step back. He stops and looks at me pleadingly. I stare back and remove my mask to smile at him as reassuringly as possible.
His gaze flickers to my scar but looks away just as fast. "Sakura.."
"You have done more than was expected of you, Itachi." My voice is soft but firm. "You shoulder enough burdens. Let me shoulder this one so you don't have to."
He shakes his head. "I can't-"
"You aren't asking me to do anything," I interrupt him, absently noting that Mikoto has moved to sit back next to her husband.
"Itachi," Fugaku cuts in, looking as imposing as ever. "Let her do it."
"Father, Mother...I.."
"We know," Mikoto intones gently.
"I don't want to participate in a death match with my son," Fugaku continues. "Just promise me this. Take care of Sasuke."
"..I will."
I quietly shift the sword in my hand into position, silently walking to stand behind the adults like Itachi was earlier. This is their final moment together, I won't ruin it.
"Do not fear. This is the path you have chosen. Compared to yours, our pain will end in an instant. Our philosophies may differ, but I'm proud of you. You truly are a kind child." I can't see but I think Fugaku is wearing a smile, it certainly sounds like he is. "Now go."
Itachi stares for a moment, still crying, but nods sharply in agreement. He meets my eyes, just long enough to see me nod back, before disappearing from the room.
It's silent for a moment and I take in a deep breath to steady myself.
"Sakura," Mikoto speaks up and I twitch. "I may not understand what role you play into this, but thank you. I hope you can forgive us for this."
Even if they can't see it, I grin at them wryly. "There's nothing to forgive, but perhaps you can forgive me for this as well."
"Such kind children," she whispers.
"May you find peace in eternal rest, Mikoto-sama, Fugaku-sama," I whisper in prayer as I lift the sword. "And don't worry, I'll protect Sasuke to the best of my abilities in your stead."
I bring down the sword in a large side sweep to catch them both and blood rains across my face. I don't flinch or look away. A tragedy and sacrifice has been made today, it deserves to be witnessed.
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
It's distressingly easy to step out of the room and burn the wrapping on the sword to prevent any fingertips being found on it. Using my shirt, I wipe my face and the blade down free of blood. I would throw it into the backyard's pond if I didn't think it'd be rude to the koi fish. So I carry it with me, tucked under my arm, as I step out of the house, unsurprised to find Itachi waiting.
He stares at the sword but tears his gaze away the closer I get. No words are passed between us about what just happened, but I can read the regret-gratitude as clear as day in his eyes.
"So," I force out the word, determined to keep level-headed. "What now?"
"I report to the Hokage and get branded a rogue shinobi," he answers calmly.
I blink, briefly wondering at how planned out this was, but push those thoughts away. It's certainly not important now.
"And Sasuke?" I ask quietly, not really wanting to bring it up but knowing I need to. "He isn't really going to run into..this. Is he?"
No answer. I frown. "Itachi."
He looks away but says,"I want him to get stronger. He should- no, will likely hate me for this. If he can use it as motivation..maybe he'll find one day and kill me." He finishes quietly, almost too quiet for me to hear.
But I do. And I stare. Very judgmentally. "You are not martyring yourself. You are not going to make Sasuke be the one to martyr you. No. Fuck no. Absolutely not."
He frowns down at me and goddamnit I can see that he genuinely does not see what is wrong with this shit. I really want to say that if Shisui was here he'd back me up, but I can't even be certain about that much because he decided throwing himself into a raging river and dying by suicide was a great idea.
Yeah, I'm still bitter about that.
"He won't be alone," he tries to reason with me. "The clan will not die out with us."
I very pointedly do not look around or gesture to the dead bodies because that's a dick move.
Something in my expression must give though because he grimaces slightly. Then he straightens out and activates his sharingan with no warning. I don't look away, even when the tomoes swirl and shift into something else. They kind of look like pinwheels.
The world around us falls away, leaving us in an inverted grayscale mockery of reality. I'm not alarmed, nor do I question it. I trust Itachi.
"This is Tsukuyomi. I can alter a target's perception of time. Days here are seconds out there," he explains as I look around. I nod, looking back at him to continue with what he wants to say. He watches me warily, and I just know I won't like what he has to say.
"I made a deal," he starts off and I almost immediately curse because deals are never good, especially when events like this happen. "My orders were to kill the entire clan, but I can't hold a weapon against a child or my brother."
I narrow my eyes at him, slightly confused even if my stomach drops with dread.
"Danzō promised to protect the others and keep away from Sasuke."
There it is.
Fuck.
"Okay." I nod, a lot more calm than I feel. "Okay. I'll..look out for them. All of them. I'll keep them safe. I promise."
"Thank you," he sighs.
I watch him for a moment, thinking, before moving forward and wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
"Nothing is okay, and it won't be for a very long time, but we'll get through it. We'll survive. You will survive. Long enough to start living again," I murmur to him as he lowers himself to better wrap his own arms around me. His hold tightens. "There will be days where you can't get up in the morning. Days you will want to give up, give in. Days where the dark thoughts overwhelm you and try to drag you down with them. Just a lot of bad days in general, but you can't give up, okay? You have to see what amazing people everyone grows up to be in the future."
We stay like that for a long time, simply holding each other. Itachi pulls away first, not looking better but more settled. It's all I could really ask for.
Oh, wait, one more thing. "Do not let Sasuke or Naruto anywhere near the compound. They don't need to see this."
He blinks but nods. I still narrow my eyes at him though, remembering what he said earlier.
"And do not traumatize them with a genjutsu or words or whatever. Let them become strong on their own, with no hidden motivation or past holding them back."
He actually pauses before nodding to that. Sage, save me from emotionally stunted, traumatized geniuses and their idiocy.
I eventually roll my eyes at him but don't push it. Itachi is good at sticking to his word. If he agrees to something, he'll be hard pressed to convince to go against it.
"Take care of yourself, Princess," I grin, trying to lighten the mood. "And here, take this. To remember me and the others by."
I toss him my black leather cuff bracelet. The one I picked out with Ino all those weeks ago. I never actually wear it, finding it uncomfortable, but I do carry it with me whenever I go out.
He catches it, looking at it with surprise but accepts it nonetheless. Then he straightens out and bows to me. I try to get him to stop. He very obviously ignores me, the brat.
"Stay safe, Sakura."
The world falls away once more, reality coming back in focus and full of color. It only lasts for a second before I'm falling forward and darkness wraps around me like a blanket.
'Damnit, I forgot to ask about his ANBU buddies,' and 'shit, everyone is going to freak out so much that the scars will be the least of my problems,' are my last thoughts as I feel myself get gently caught.
ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ
i can't write fight scenes to save my life, so i apologize
also, sakura is having like several crises at once but is too emotionally stunted and dense to recognize that
- but at least she's better than itachi
- maybe