Author's notes: If you've been following this story for a while, first off, thank you, and second, you may have notice on AO3 the chapter count +1ed as I posted. This is the chapter I added. Though this is really James's story from Jessie's POV, I thought I'd have one [limited third person] James POV chapter. Is it necessary? Probably not, but I still enjoyed writing it and find the results satisfying. I hope you all enjoy. Conclusion chapters are up next.

15

James sat on the stoop to the side door of the oversized home reserved only for his family's pokemon, staring into the garden as he absent-mindedly pet the fire-type pokemon's warm fur. The absence of the woman who had been his companion over the past months weighed on his mind as well as his heart, but there was some fulfillment in that he was able to feel broken-hearted about her. He hadn't thought he'd ever be able to feel that was about anyone. Having the freedom to feel this kind of pain seemed to fill something that was lacking all in itself. As James thought of Jessie, took out the pokeball she'd give him and glanced from it back to Growlie before placing it down and relaxing again. He did want to get back to training, but he wasn't going to bully the growlithe in order to do so.

This pokemon had already been put in a difficult spot, going between James and his parents, both of whom it cared about. James wasn't about to ask if for anything that might upset them, as him training his pokemon likely would. Growlithe had enjoyed battling Nidorina as a nidoran, but they had to be keeping an eye on him now. Besides, Nidorina had grown in strength, and the mostly inactive pokemon may no longer be able to compete. Even though James would appreciate the distraction, he'd just sit there quietly for now.

Growlie must have noticed Jessie wasn't Jessebelle as well, James realized, snickering. He pat the pokemon on the head again in a moment of silent praise. This pokemon hadn't had any loyalty to Jessebelle at all, even having to be kept locked up to stay away from her at times. It had known she was a harmful outsider, to James at least, and always tried to protect him from her.

Not that James should have relied on it so much, he mused. He had to be able to stand on his own. As Jessie had told him, no one would respect a pushover. And why should they? Someone who was too easily swayed by others didn't establish their own boundaries, and there was nothing to respect. James had learned that a long time ago, finally getting Jessebelle to leave him be.

Growlie had been there then to attack the vileplume and prevent it from following any orders. James had taken his chance then as well, lunging at Jessebelle and pushing her back away from him, causing her to fall. But he hadn't even backed off or run away then as she might have expected from how he cowered so often before her previously, knowing she was far more important than him in everyone's eyes. Instead he stood before her, glaring down as Growlie and the other pokemon fought. She looked up at him, grabbing her scraped arm, not even standing up. He'd just smirked at her fearful response.

"Are you afraid I'll hit you?" he had asked. Though he'd just meant it as an offhand comment, the increased fear in her eyes and how she backed away even further made it obvious she was. The picture of himself reflected back at him by her reaction was awful, but he knew if he just stopped or tried to correct he misunderstanding, she'd start punishing him for this moment. Maybe it was better for her to be afraid of him, as ugly as it was.

So instead of trying to correct things, he leaned down, smiling confidently at her. "You know what kind of awful criminal you're dealing with by now, don't you? That's who Mother and Father praise you for coping with. Maybe you'll also get some sympathy once we're married and I hit you every day."

The declaration was ridiculous. Not only was it a situation he wanted no part of, but James had been a pushover, allowing himself to be manipulated by others to large and small extents. He allowed her to do all kinds of things, just whimpering and asking to stop, which was easily ignored. His fiancée would likely call him on his lies, destroying the ugly illusion his words were building. But again, Jessebelle didn't laugh at him or ridicule what he said. She seemed to believe it, her shocked and disturbed expression showing she was absorbing those words as a reality, or at least a possible reality that might become her own.

James didn't want it as his reality either, but fought any urge to do something like apologize or correct what he said or otherwise tear down the image of him being something other than a person growing into a monster in her eyes. It was important that she saw him as such. He hated the idea that he'd even have to follow through if she didn't just finally leave him alone, so he poured all his hatred in his next declaration. "You'll never be able to gain their wealth, you know. I'll never give you a child. Not unless you force me, that is." Jessebelle had tried to stand up, so he'd gotten closer. "Do you want to try and force me again?" he'd shouted as he pushed her again to exemplify his superior physical strength and imply what might happen if she tried.

Seeing her tremble without replying to him, he'd stood up and left. Not long after, Jessebelle had used her excuse of schooling to leave. James had threatened to tell the truth about what she'd done if she returned, pretending, maybe only to himself, that was the reason she'd left. He hoped the ugly version of himself created with her had left with her. He didn't really want to think of himself like that again, as necessary as it had been.

So when he'd thought she returned, instead of resurrecting the possibility of himself as such an ugly person, he'd focused on her ugliness instead. That really should have been enough. But instead his parents had ignored and dismissed what he'd been sure they'd support him with were he ever to speak up. He wasn't as important as a future daughter-in-law, possible grandchild. He wasn't important at all beyond a tool.

But his upset had been his fault as well, hadn't it? He'd expected more from his parents than it seemed they were capable of giving. He expected them to have priorities they didn't. He'd hoped they would consider him when they'd shown over and over that they would ignore his feelings and ideas that didn't align with their hopes for him or beliefs about what was right for him. He'd set himself up and let them push him to this extent. Jessie had reminded him of that with her statement. No one would respect someone who let others set boundaries for them. It wasn't even possible to respect something that wasn't there.

James tensed as he saw his father approaching. The man stopped as he reached the bottom of the steps. "So this is where you are," the man said. "I suppose you have a lot to reflect about."

"I do," James confirmed, though his thoughts likely didn't align with what his father thought he should consider.

"I know you're upset. You still have a lot of work to do, but know that you have grown. There's still hope for you yet."

James nodded in response to the compliment. Things had been getting better between him and his parents in recent years, though they still harped on to him about getting married to his annoyance. Even so, he seemed to be repairing his relationship with them and meeting their expectations in other ways. That was, before 'Jessebelle' had come back, making it obvious that getting his consent, even his badgered consent, didn't matter to them.

"Cheer up. Perhaps you can convince Jessebelle to return. There may be something else going on, since her parents still won't respond to us. And well, if not, there's other options."

So now he was willing to consider other options, when James had asked him to do so for years before this? James bit his lip before he sighed and calmed himself. There was no point in getting angry. He was starting to realize just how limited his parents were, both in vision and action. He quietly laughed, then looked up, meeting his father's eyes.

"Hm?" His father appeared amused himself, perhaps just reflecting James's increased mood.

James swallowed, glancing away only briefly before he spoke. "Mother says she forgives me. Do you?"

"Of course." The answer came without hesitation.

But he was lying. James had already known the answer to the question without asking. He wasn't forgiven. That was why his father hit him upon any sign of James's own anger. He wanted to get on top of things before James attacked him again. Even though he'd only done so once, and regretted it, never considering it again, perhaps he didn't deserve to be forgiven. What kind of son would hurt the father that had lovingly raised him?

And besides, James couldn't blame him. He also couldn't forgive. He wanted to, since all the resentment was quite heavy. He'd put things behind them, water under the bridge, if they just talked things out. If they just considered what he wanted and what he thought as much as anything else, he'd happily forgive them for anything that happened before.

They weren't about to meet his expectations, so he couldn't. Saying something wouldn't help, so he just forced a smile, absent-mindedly glancing at Nidorina's pokeball. "Is that what you caught with Jessebelle?" his father inquired.

James looked back up and nodded. He'd talked about it with his mother before, and him having a pokemon seemed to be alright as long as his fiancée had been involved. He closed his eyes, trying not to let his resentment involving that affect him too much, and spoke. "Yes, we caught it together."

"You fancy yourself as a pokemon trainer, then? Perhaps you'd like to battle?"

"Gro?" Growlie picked its head up, becoming alert upon the suggestion.

James looked from the pokemon that had been there for him since he was born back at his father. Both looked equally serious and determined. He still shook his head to the challenge. "I wouldn't want to hurt Growlie," he explained. Nidorina had been in many real battles since it had battled Growlie as a newly caught nidoran, meanwhile Growlie hadn't been in many battles at all, especially in recent years.

"Come now. The two of us have been in more than a few skirmishes, especially before you came around. We'll be a good enough challenge for you."

James moved as the growlithe got up, staring his way. Growlie's eyes did seem to reflect the same determination that was present in his father's voice. Yes, this pokemon had been around longer than James himself. It was content to be around its family, but still had the urge that many pokemon did to fight. James chuckled. "If you don't mind losing. I won't hold back," he said.

"Not at all. I was about to say something similar. Any pokemon trainer worth their salt shouldn't hold back."

"I wouldn't." James held his pokeball in ready position as he descended the stairs. As they stepped to an open area, he threw it out. "Go! Nidorina!" His pokemon stood in ready position as it appeared. Having grown somewhat friendly with Growlie, James thought it might hesitate, but no, James's current partner quickly read the situation and seemed well prepared for a fight. "Nidorina, growl!" he ordered. The poison-type pokemon did so, and Growlie did the same in return. "Fury swipes!" James ordered, hoping to catch his longtime friend off guard.

"Growlithe, flame thrower!" his father ordered in return.

Nidorina's attack did appear to affect growlie, but after it was done, the fire type pokemon performed flame thrower with no difficulties, howling briefly before shooting the attack toward James's pokemon.

Nidorina dug its feet in as it took the attack. "Double kick!" James ordered before the attack had even completed, not going to leave the pokemon wondering what to do next. Nidorina didn't flinch, beginning its attack as its opponent was just completing its own.

As Nidorina's kick hit, James's father spoke. "Growlithe, try dig," he suggested.

Perhaps he'd been hoping the second part of double kick wouldn't hit, but it did, right before Growlie made its way underground. James briefly exchanged glances with his pokemon before watching their makeshift field closely. He finally pointed to direct his pokemon. "There! Double kick!"

Nidorina not only evaded the attack, but got Growlie off guard with its kick, which was of course followed by the second. The fire type pokemon yelped both times, falling on the ground, its eyes closed. "That's enough!" James shouted, running onto the field. "Growlie! Growlie!" he shouted before he reached the older pokemon. He picked it up, looking it over. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Growlie blinked, eventually fully opening its eyes. In its only response, it met James's own calmly. James hugged it, realizing his friend was okay. His father laughed, taking a potion out of his coat. "Growlithe is just fine," he said, spraying the pokemon as it walked closer. "You did give us trouble just then, but I think little Growlie still had some fight left. Well, we'll just leave it at this. You were always too kind for this kind of thing."

James clenched his fists, feeling a tightness in his chest as he heard the compliment. He went back and sat down as his father tended to Nidorina. He wished he could live up to his parents' expectations all the time. Descriptions like 'kind' didn't really fit him. He was quite far from how they'd raised him to be, and it hurt him to think about it. He supposed the rocket boss had sensed this.

"You shouldn't join with too many loose ends," Giovanni had said. Before James could try and assert he didn't, the man had stared at him, making sure James was paying attention before he continued. "I've heard good things about you from my trusted agent Cassidy and others. I know you might be a valuable member of our team, but don't be hasty. Carefully consider things. If you have other loyalties above what you can offer us, I'll accept your resignation without incident."

At that time, James could tell the rocket boss wasn't going to discuss anything further. And the other man was right, some doubts still remained. Was he trying to be less disappointing, like Jessie had suggested before she'd left, or was he eager to leave and find his own life?

He wished he could have met Jessie without all these pretenses. They'd probably have fun together, and he wouldn't burden her with unneeded details about his life. He wouldn't have leaned on her like he had to try and get the kind of validation he wanted.

It had been similar when he'd met Cassidy when they'd been younger. He hadn't shared anything about his life, but had witnessed some things and defended her. They'd stuck together, and during that time, she'd shared some other things about herself and her history with him. James preferred not to say anything about his own life, and was content to listen to her. He got to know her well without having to say anything about himself. He hadn't thought much of it, but apparently she'd grown attached to him long enough to hold onto those feelings, confessing to him nearly a decade later.

The words had shocked him, embarrassed him to an extent. Of course, he didn't feel the same. He hadn't back when they'd hung out together as teenagers, and didn't know her enough in the present to even consider feeling that way. He absolutely didn't feel the same, but didn't want to hurt her at the same time. He'd been taken aback, and didn't know what to say.

Especially as he realized the dynamic between them was exactly the same as it had been with Jessie. Though James hadn't been direct, Jessie might easily guess at his feelings. And, he concluded, she'd probably feel the same about him as he did about Cassidy. Jessie cared enough to talk to him and intervene, but still likely still found the idea of a romantic connection all kinds of awkward, something that wasn't even considered.

"Are you alright?"

Cassidy had apparently noticed his shock at the realization, concern evident in her face. She was likely also apprehensive about James's response to what she'd just said. James had managed to compose himself in the moment and smooth it over even as he rejected her. As he did so, he affirmed he wouldn't burden Jessie with his own feelings, either. It wouldn't be fair after all she'd done for him.

Except he had broken that affirmation quickly, and she'd felt something for him as well. James smiled genuinely as he thought of what had happened. Of course, she was gone now. But her being able to fly away from him and be free only had him loving her more. She wasn't burdened by him. Even loving him, she refused to be. The core of who she was rejected that kind of thing naturally. How wonderful for her. She truly was beautiful.

If only he could be the same. James stood back up, taking note of Nidorina's state. It was in perfect condition after being attended to by his father, even its poisonous quills had been cleaned. The older man had always been overly caring to James as a young child, and turned his attention to his son then. "I had something for you. I had been saving it for a wedding gift, but I think it's more appropriate now."

James took the dull stone from him before realizing it had hints of shine. "Oh," he said as he realized what it was. "Thank you," he said, nodding at his father before turning to the pokemon. "Nidorina, are you ready?"

Nidorina studied the object, then nodded, apparently instinctively knowing what it was. It nodded, and James placed the moon stone down. His pokemon touched it, glowing before it changed into its new form. As it completed the evolution, it roared.

"You look good, Nidoqueen," James complimented. His father nodded in agreement. James supposed his nidoqueen was even more stunning than others of the species, but right then wasn't the right time to dote on it. He returned it to its pokeball.

"Now was the right time, hm? I'm sure your future wife wouldn't appreciate you getting a gift related to an experience with a former fiancée."

James put the pokeball back in his pocket, frowning as he realized the happy part of this interaction with his father was over. He swallowed as he got ready for the conversation. There was going to be more badgering and lecturing, but he couldn't relent this time. "I don't want to get married," he said, speaking calmly yet firmly.

Conflict was inevitable, unless James surrendered himself completely. He wasn't going to do that. Things couldn't be beautiful all the time. Ugliness couldn't always be avoided. Sometimes it was necessary to be the villain.