This hopefully comedic one shot is based upon a very short piece from a comic strip entitled "Blondie" in which the title character's husband Dagwood was interrupted and walked in on by two annoying door to door saleswomen while he was soaking in his tub. And so I'd try my own hand at that for fun.
Disclaimer: I don't own the "Blondie" strip, "The Flash", or "Arrow".
Barry was currently in the shower with his two lovely girlfriends Patty and Felicity as the trio shared some quality time together. The warm water from the showerhead felt amazing as it cascaded downwards and sprayed upon their glistening wet bodies and they relished in it.
They were also enjoying a little sexy time together as the women rubbed their hands along their boyfriend's body and peppered it with kisses and soft yet quick licks as their tongues ran across his sides and abdomen.
"I love you both so much. You know that right?" Barry smiled towards them both as he enjoyed their sweet ministrations.
"We know, and we love you more," Patty responded and returned his smile.
"Same here. You're the only man for us," Felicity added with a grin and then pressed her lips into his as they enjoyed a deep and passionate lip lock before their lips parted and Patty did the same with him, open mouths pressed together and their tongues gently massaging the other before they pulled apart.
"Yummy. Now how about one of you put your mouth to further use?" Barry suggested to them with a smirk and Patty, eyes twinkling in amusement and licking her lower lip, responded by kneeling downwards and taking ahold of his throbbing length, moved to place it inside of her mouth. Just before she could do so however the three of them were all rudely interrupted by their shower curtain being ripped open and two professionally dressed individuals, a man and woman, standing before them.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" a shocked Felicity screamed at the sudden intrusion while Patty screeched and immediately leaped up as the two women and Barry were all scrambling to try and use both face towels and their own hands in a clumsy attempt to cover both theirs and each other's private parts, the three of them looking mortified.
"Hello ladies and gentleman. I'm Jack Archer and this is my colleague Sarah Hamilton and we're here to offer you an amazing and one in a lifetime deal from our company regarding a full landscaping of your back hard," the male advertiser eagerly began while neither him nor his colleague could see the obvious impropriety of what they were currently displaying.
The three shower occupants looked at them in disbelief.
"What on Earth is wrong with the two of you?! What do either of you think you're doing barging in on us like this?!" a furious Barry demanded to know with one hand on his hip and the other hand clumsily holding his hand towel against his hips in an attempt to cover his nudity.
The woman known as Miss Hamilton waved her hand in the air in a dramatic gesture.
"Ah, well, we did try knocking and yet no one answered. And then we tried the door handle and lo and behold it was unlocked. So we decided to just come inside and find you and here you all are. We didn't think you'd mind and especially once you heard how utterly wonderful this offer is which we'd love to share with you and all you have to do is sign this official form to get you all started," she explained with a shrug and then pushed the pad with the form she was holding into their faces while giving them what she hoped was her winning smile advertisers use in attempts to reel in prospective customers.
It was just astounding that Miss Hamilton and the man with her could not see the wrongness of any of this, clearly inside of their own bubble.
"Oh, I see then. I am so, so sorry we inconvenienced you when we didn't answer the door earlier. How about next time we rectify this situation by hmm, I don't know oh right. How about we make this easier for the two of you by you guys KNOCKING A BIT LOUDER AND THEN GOING THE HECK AWAY IF WE STILL DON'T RESPOND?!" Felicity sarcastically began in an exaggerated sweetness with her hand over her heart and then suddenly screamed loudly which caused the sales reps to stagger backwards a bit, her growing more and more angry at this severe disrespect towards boundaries.
"Oh come now sweetie pie. No need to get all uppity and hostile with us. We're just the answer to all your dreams, yours and your companions, and once you sign this once in a lifetime offer those dreams will come true starting with a grand looking lawn that will make the three of you the envy of your neighborhood," Mister Archer spoke softly to her in an attempt to sooth her as he continued to advertise, though his calling her sweetie pie further riled up her already put out boyfriend who then stepped forward.
"Now see here buster! You don't get to call her sweetie pie. Only myself and our girlfriend here are allowed to call her that and you know your place pal!" Barry pointed his finger into his chest while attempting to look intimidating and succeeding to some extent as Mister Archer lifted up his hands in an attempt to placate the irate young man, though it was still a bit difficult since he was mostly nude and not to mention highly embarrassing before these strangers, something which further irked him to no end.
"Yeah, that's right you jerk. And to answer your question hut no! None of us are in the mood to sign your little offer or anything else for that matter and especially right now. Can't either of you see how humiliating those is for us with you barging in like this and especially for absolutely nothing since we like our lawn as it is thank you very much?!" Patty added in agreement while further crossing over her legs to better help her hand obscure her nudity down there before them, exasperated at the temerity of these people.
Not to mention she was also feeling very grumpy and put out that she was just robbed of enjoying her man's length which had been so ready for the taking though she wasn't going to tell those two obnoxious strangers that since it most certainly was not any of their business.
"Okay you guys but your attitudes are really unnecessary and there's no reason to get all hostile. Just listen to what we have to say and then sign our offer which will be the opportunity of the rest of your lives," Miss Hamilton stated next with a frown and then continued in her overly sugary tone as though the other three were the problem and no better than spoiled children who were whining for nothing.
This was the last straw for the three of them however and for Barry especially and forgetting his nudity, he jumped out of the tub and after quickly grabbing ahold of a cane that just happened to be lying nearby he lifted it over his head and began wildly swinging it at them which forced them to scream and flee while he and his lovers were in hot pursuit though the latter two grabbed some bath towels beforehand and were holding it against their frontal areas.
"GET THE FRACK OUT OF OUR BATHROOM AND OUR HOME IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T EVER RETURN AGAIN DO YOU HEAR ME?!" an irate and entirely stark naked Barry yelled at them as he, Patty, and Felicity chased them out of their bathroom, through the hallway, around the living room, and finally out the door after which they closed the door with a SLAM and this time remembered to lock it behind them, the young man continuing to wave his stick around the entire time while slamming it against the walls and on the floor throughout the entire chase as their uninvited guests scurried to get out of there.
Following this, Barry happened to look down and was mortified upon finally noticing he'd been naked the entire time of the chase. Since it was a moot point now and those sales people were finally gone, he just collapsed onto the couch nearby while Patty and Felicity sat on either side of him.
"I can't believe this. I just can't believe those people would…, and have the temerity to…, and not even realize…, I mean arrrrrgh," he groaned while running his hands through his hair in frustration.
"Same here. I mean, come on. What on Earth happened to privacy and respecting boundaries? Honestly," Patty complained while waving her hands through the air.
Felicity on her part was shaking her head and with her lips pursed while just as mad and put out by it as her companions were. But then her mood brightened as she realized how effectively Barry scared off the two unwanted visitors.
"You really showed those two didn't you?" she giggled while he and Patty grinned.
"Yeah Barry. You chased them off so fast they practically skedaddled out of the door and not to mention totally scared the ever livin daylights out of them," the other woman added as her eyes twinkled in amusement and satisfaction.
"I did didn't I?" Barry replied smugly to which his girlfriends smirked.
"Frankly I think the best we should do is pretend this entire fiasco never happened and just enjoy the rest of our day," Patty concluded, wanting to forget the entire thing.
"And next time make certain that our doggone door is locked so that this doesn't happen again," Felicity also pointed out to which the others nodded in agreement.
"You both took the words right out of my mouth," Barry smiled towards the two women he loved and then they all snuggled together and laid back on the couch while doing exactly that in regards to forgetting the shower interruption yet satisfied they'd given those people the what for.
The End
A/N I hope you all enjoyed this funny one shot and found it entertaining. And Barry certainly showed those obnoxious and uninvited houseguests did he not?
Have a great day.