Hello; glad to see someone was curious enough about me to check my profile! However, I am as paranoid as Madeye Moody, so all I'm saying about myself is that I'm a speculative fiction writer with a taste for philosophy and dried seaweed, and that I particularly enjoy reading Harry Potter fanfiction, especially Snape-centric ones.

NOTICE: I'm now on Archive of Our Own, under the pen name Lorde_Shadowz, and on Potions and Snitches as Prince Sahar. I can also be found on the alternate Fanfiction.net profile Sensei Orchid. My slightly more mature fanfictions may be found on AO3 or my sister profile Dictator Vladamir Lotzapasta. IF YOU SEE MY STORIES ANYWHERE ELSE, PLEASE MENTION IT. Speaking of, someone archived my stories at FictionHunt without my consent; if anyone knows how to get them removed, PLEASE TELL ME.

Response to the people who asked about my favorite Harry Potter pairings: I will always and forever be a fan of Snilly. (Even though if I personally think if you were asking which pairing was best for Lily herself, I would say ship her with someone nice and safe like Frank Longbottom who is neither a spoiled bully or an abused wannabe Death Eaters.)

I'm otherwise ok with canon pairings for the most part, but HarryLuna, HarryDaphne, DracoHermione, VictorHermione, and RonPansy are also favorites of mine. I don't mind slash at all, but I do not condone any unequal pairings (Sevione, Severdore, Giddle- GinnyRiddle,) and so on, unless there's time-travel or deaging, or there is some kind of balance of power. That said, I do love Snarry, if it's done right. (As in, Harry has to be at least sixteen and the relationship has to be healthy.)

I freely ship Umbridge with dementors, vampires, blast-ended skrewts, werewolves (and not Lupin either), demons, and Death Eaters, lol- I am actually considering a fic devoted to trying to find Umbitch her true love...

A few ships I don't like would be HarryCho, Harryharem, HarryFleur (she totally outclasses canon!Harry- she's have him drooling) UmbridgeRon (yes, that is a thing- I was horrified), creature mate fics, and Voldemortanyone- I really don't want to think He-Who-Must-Not-be-Laid's love life, thank you very much. Bellatrix can have him.

Also few things I wish to say about my favorite (and least favorite) characters:

Ron Weasley Ron bashing gets so, so old! Sure, you can make a case for it, but if you want to mention his jealousy, pride, temper, and so on, here's my response:

Ron can be excused for that. He's from a middle-class, even poor household, and he has five older brothers, (and a cherished sister), and he's constantly being overshadowed by both his older and more accomplished family members, or by the rich pureblood snobs like Malfoy. He's learned to be proud (which the famous Weasley temper doesn't help with) and he feels self conscious. Of course he'd be envious of Harry at times! Just as Harry longs to have a family like he does, so Ron wishes he could be rich, be famous, be a national hero, be a star athlete. Can you really blame him?

Then, too, Ron was Harry's first friend, and although they had plenty of spats, he stuck with him through it all, of his own free will. He even sacrifices himself to Mcgonagall's chess board in Sorcerer's Stone, a visceral reminder of how far he will go. He doesn't help because he's the Chosen One, born to save the world. He helps because Harry needs help, because he's the quintessential Gryffindor who will always do what it takes. Sure, he's flawed. But we can't all be the Chosen One. In a way, it's actually more noble of him to help, because he doesn't have to.

Also, since when is he not smart! He's lazy, yes, and, unlike Harry, who matured too fast through abuse and neglect, or Hermione, the textbook bookworm, he's not as quick picking up social cues or researching. That does not mean he's stupid.

Severus Snape Before I start, I am not condoning his bullying. He is a piece of work about seventy-five percent of the time. However, I do have several points to make to hopefully convince you Snape-bashers out there.

First, Snape had it harder than most, and the poor home life hinted at it DH, coupled with the bullying of the Marauders, the pressures of his house and later of his masters Voldemort and Dumbledore, and years of blaming himself, and James Potter, for Lily's demise, didn't exactly make it easier to just take everything in stride.

One can also extrapolate, both from his actions in the books, and what was known of his personality, that he abhorred teaching in general, had no patience for anyone who couldn't get what he himself likely thought self-evident, and just wanted to be working at a potions clinic somewhere. He obviously didn't want to be a teacher; either he couldn't find another job, or Dumbledore wanted to keep an eye on him.

Then there are the political pressures. Do you think that a halfblood could do whatever he liked in Slytherin, especially during the first reign of Voldemort, especially since he had his father's name and very little money? Joining Voldemort would be the option, especially if he was isolated and bullied.

Add this to his tragic and obsessive love for a woman who didn't return it, and who probably didn't even understand the pressures that were wreaking havoc with his life, and it becomes pretty clear that he needed counciling at the very least, and he has no one to go to.

So I'm not condoning his bullying of Harry, his willful ignorance of the boy's home life, his general nasty behavior, or his brutality in the occlumency lessons.

I'm just saying he made a few too many mistakes, and he didn't have anyone good to give him advice, or lean on, or love, with the possible exception of Albus Many-Names Dumbledore, who freaking ordered him to kill him!

The fact that he made it as long as he did, the fact that he spent most of his adult life spying and risking his life over and over, the fact that he saved Harry's life multiple times, albeit unwillingly, and the fact that he died for the Light, doing his duty, should be enough to convince anyone.

And don't start with the: "He asked for Lily at the cost of Harry's death, he's pathetic". Harry, at that point, was the literal reason Lily's family was being hunted down, and it would have made Voldie suspicious if he'd asked to spare James. A mudblood that he'd lusted after, however... That Voldemort would understand. Yes, it was low, but it was all he could do.

Albus Dumbledore

Contrary to what you probably think, I don't hate Dumbledore. I do, however, think he either has a predilection towards playing God or he's just going a bit senile. While I don't bash him in all of my fics, I do recognize that yes, while Dumbledore is the leader of the Light, he also directly influenced most of the opposition. Sending Tom Riddle back to the orphanage every year, for example. In case you weren't aware, he grew up during the freaking second world war! Who sends a powerful, mentally unstable orphan black to an orphanage that, A: had a high likelihood of being hit by bomb. B: cannot well take care of him because there are so many orphans that they likely just drugged with laudinum to shut them up, is C: afraid of his magic. Well, the same person who sent Harry back to the Dursleys.

The blood wards were soo convenient, by the way. The summer of the second year, he has to stay all year. However, each successive year, he was allowed a little more leash. And how do they even work if he hates the Dursleys? Also, how do they work if Voldemort took Harry's blood? Maybe it stops DE's, but I haven't seen any evidence that they are selective enough to keep Voldie out, and they don't seem to protect him from the Dursleys...

He should also have told Harry the prophecy sooner. Ideally, in first year, as the supposed "childhood" he wanted to preserve was not exactly an issue, what with the Dursleys. The horcruxes could, perhaps, wait until third year or such- they are quite disturbing.

Also, why was he so cavalier about the Flannels dying? It wasn't really his choice to make, and in my opinion, he didn't set up the traps nearly as well as he should. No locking charm or age line on the door, a cerberus, which, if you've read any Greek mythology at all, you'd know could be sedated with music (or you stun it, or you get Hagrid drunk and he'll tell you. Quirrelmort was the DADA teacher, for goodness sake!) Then there's the devil's snare; what wizard (or witch) wouldn't blast an incendio down before jumping into a mysterious hole. (Besides the Golden Trio). After that, there's the key room: all you have to do would be to summon the key. If Dumbledore had actually prevented that, all you would have to do is blast down the door. The chess board? Fly above it with brooms from the key room. The troll is stupid enough that you could sneak past it disillusioned, and the poison riddle, well, you'd just have to cast a flame-freezing charm and walk by. Or you could test the substances in the bottles. Do you think Snape, a Slytherin, would play by the rules? If it were me, they'd all be full of nettle wine, and all he'd have to do would just come and check on the trap every once in a while. Or the flame freezing potion would also be mixed with a sleeping draught. Or the riddle would be written on the assumption that everything was directly opposite to what was written. Maybe the bottles could be portkeys to a cell in the dungeons, activated by touch. There are options!

And how did he not know what the monster of the chamber was? He obviously didn't agree with Dippet that it was an acromantula. He'd seen Myrtle's body; why didn't he go talk to her? And honestly, what other snake petrifies people?

And Sirius- why didn't he make sure that he had a trial, just for closure? How did he legitimately not know who the secret keeper was?

During Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore could have given Harry extra lessons, or advice, or such; it was pretty obvious that, Chosen One aside, he still would have very little chance against other wizards three years his senior with way more training. Even if he couldn't help directly, he could still have a house elf leave Harry a book, similar to what Moody was doing. Also, who sends a child back to relatives who have proven to be neglectful after he was just kidnapped, tortured, forced to watch an acquaintance die, and forced into a necromantic ritual to bring back his sworn enemy, who he then had to fight. He should have gotten counselling and been allowed to be with Sirius!

In conclusion, I think that Dumbledore gives the wrong people second chances, and is blinded by the best in people. He also has an unnerving habit of keeping important information too close to the chest. And sometimes, he just messes up.

James Potter

Ok, I've heard a number of the arguments. Just because I bash James does not automatically make me a...what was I called? Ah, a Snape wh*re. And I do know that he (canonically) grew up to be a great person and sacrificed himself for his family. But Marauder!Era James Potter was no good, and he didn't have an excuse for it, either, like Remus Lupin or Sirius Black. Remmy was a werewolf, with the accompanying giant self esteem issues. Sirius had Walburga Black for a mom, and lived in a twisted and abusive family, which was also canon. James? He was a rich, Light side, Gryffindor pureblood, and I don't believe there's anything in canon about his family being messed up. This means that bullying Snape (and likely others) was something he came up with himself. Besides, the lakeside scene in Fifth Year isn't just your standard, garden variety bullying, it is practically sexual assault. The fact that any one can look at that, taking into account only canonical information and not fanon, and still decide that he is a good character, or that Snape somehow deserved it, is frankly flooring. And has anyone ever considered that the Marauders' constant bullying was what broke him and turned him Dark and nasty in the first place? Some kind of trauma is not easy to heal.

Lastly, this has nothing to do with fanfiction, but since I have been seized with the mania for putting "extras" in my profile, I have added this section. Feel free to read or ignore or whatever at your leisure...

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

curtesy of Faykan...

Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.-George Burns

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), DGMSilverAirHead03(USA), Crystal Amethyst (Armenia), InoueR0xO (Pakistan), poohxebony (USA), DreamingInThePast (Spain), loves2readandwrite (USA), SeaDevil (Sweden), Vampgal212 (U.K.), Verdigurl ( New Zealand), Animerockchic (Republic of Ireland), Momoka64 (USA), Ve Kuraresa Bleach (USA), AFleetingPhantom (U.K.), EpicHeroLaugh(USA), Fruity-Dragonfly (USA), 9foxgrl (USA), Wrath Of The Heavens (U.K.) Lorde Shadowz (USA)

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

DRAGON PRIDE METER:
100
If You're Proud To Be A Dragon Lover
Stick This On Your Page!

I have a one-time gift. A beautiful gift that many people are ridiculed for in this day and age. A precious gift that many people throw away. It's called "virginity", and I plan to not waste it on someone who's just gonna dump me later. I choose to be faithful to my future spouse, the man who will love me for the rest of my life, and to wait for the wedding day!! If you have chosen to save your one-time gift and are PROUD of your purity, paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Dearheart, floppyearsthebunny, fanfictionnut0816, acacia59601, IDEA Studios, Lorde Shadowz