"Queen Beryl!" yelled Jadeite. "I found a new source of energy!"

"Gooood!" said Beryl.

Jadeite was a hologram, and was flickering.

"Well," said Jadeite. "The humans have this thing-… and then-… so me and my Youma are going to-…"

"What?" said Beryl. "I can't hear you. You're cutting out!"

But Jadeite didn't seem to hear her, and kept going. "…-easy energy grab. Catch you on the-…"

Jadeite's hologram flickered out, and was replaced by a spinning wheel, like a buffering symbol.

"Hey, no!" said Beryl. "Come back! Why would you call me with such a bad connection!? You better be using the app, kid! Everyone knows the web version of Hologram Cast sucks!"

Eventually Jadeite's hologram returned.

"There you are!" said Beryl. "Fix your connection!"

"It's good now," said Jadeite. "I gave my Wi-Fi box a good kick."

"Wi-Fi boxes aren't lawnmowers," said Beryl. "Kicking won't help."

"It always works for me," said Jadeite. "Am I coming in clearly?"

"Yes," said Beryl. "Now tell me that plan. I didn't hear a single word of it."

"Alright, fine," said Jadeite. "Here it is from the top. I'm going to use the hu-…"

Suddenly Jadeite started to flicker like a crazy man, and lines flew across him like an old TV screen.

"A-a-a-a-a-" sputtered Jadeite's lagging image. "The-the-the-the- the hu*SCREECH*… have-…"

Beryl had no choice but to turn him off.

"You'd think," said Beryl. "In this day and age."

"It was worth coming in today," snickered one of the Youmas. "Jadeite-sama is a laggy man."

Back at Jadeite's home, he was still talking.

But then he saw he had been disconnected long ago.

"Huh?!" said Jadeite. "What?!"

A message appeared, that said, "Call me back when you're not so laggy."

"Oof," said Jadeite. "I guess I get the day off."

Jadeite was in his house, but had not bothered to walk down to Queen Beryl's throne room to report in person. She probably thought he was out on the field somewhere, and that's what he wanted her to think.

In Jadeite's dark space, there was nothing.

Except for one lounge chair, and a Red Flyer laptop. And of course, an outlet to charge the beast.

He hopped on his recliner. "It was a smart move to finally take the plunge and put a chair in here," he said. "Maybe one day I'll put a painting. Or a TV. Because whenever I want to watch TV, I have to go down to the Shitennou lounge. And sometimes Kenji's there, watching vulgar shows like he's alone in his own house. Disgusting. He doesn't even give me a turn with the remote, ever. He doesn't know his place, but sadly no one's allowed to kill him on Beryl's orders. How did he earn her majesty's good graces to such an extent?!"

Jadeite let the thought leave him, and logged in to his best website for free Steven Universe episodes.

He booted up ol' Season 2. "It won't be long now," said Jadeite. "Until I can catch back up and return to the Reddit. That place is spoiler central."

"We are the Crystal Gems," began the theme song.

Jadeite sang too. "We always save the day."

When the episode started, it suddenly became glaringly clear that this would be a Ronaldo episode, a side character who had no bearing in the actual plot and was entirely filler.

Jadeite frowned. "I wish I could skip this, but these are the kinds of episodes where all the lore is dumped. Terrible way to write a show."

Just when Jadeite was finally starting to care about the character Ronaldo, his pocket dimension suddenly closed, and Jadeite was thrown out.

He was in the Negahall, by the soda machine.

"HEY!" said Jadeite. "What is this!? My dimension just crashed!"

"Bummmerrrrr," said Nephrite, drinking soda. "That stuff doesn't happen on Earth."

"Shut up!" said Jadeite. "This is serious! My house just got taken!"

"Sad," said Nephrite. "Maybe you should have had an actual house, not just a dark space in a dimension you knew nothing about. Metalia probably shut it down because she thought no one was using it."

"NooOOoOO!" said Jadeite. "I knew I should have put a painting. WHYEEE!?"

"Cheer up, kid," said Nephrite. "It could be worse. Your life could have been claimed with it."

Jadeite stormed into Beryl's throne room, and for some reason Kenji Tsukino was on her throne.

"Where's Beryl?" said Jadeite.

"Hmm," said Kenji. "Hmmmmm," he said.

"Ridiculous!" yelled Jadeite.

Jadeite sat down, and waited for Beryl to return.

"No!" realized Jadeite. "My laptop was taken as well! There goes all my downloaded episodes of Clarence!"

Kenji was watching something vulgar on Beryl's crystal ball, like no one was around him, but in fact there was a big crowd of Youmas standing there awkwardly.

"Kenji," said Jadeite. "Beryl's going to see your search history."

"Wrong," said Kenji. "I'm on a crystal ball incognito tab. Nob."

Beryl returned eight hours later.

"Kenji!" she yelled. "What are you watching on my ball?!"

"Oop!" said Kenji, abandoning the ball, the throne, and the room.

"Seriously," said Beryl, sitting down and closing the tab. "Seriously. When I told him he could use my ball, I didn't mean for that. I meant he could use it to kill Zoisite, or maybe Jadeite."

"Shut up," said Jadeite.

"Hey!" said Beryl. "Where's the energy? You never got back to me with your plan!"

"It didn't work," said Jadeite. "The Sailors stopped me."

"Hey!" said a Youm. "But you were sitting here the whole time."

Jadeite threw a punch into the crowd, killing 12.

"Foolish Youma," said Jadeite. "Not knowing their place in the world."

"That's a shame," said Beryl. "You only have one more chance. Don't throw it away."

"I don't care about that," said Jadeite. "Why is my house gone?"

"Huh?" said Beryl.

"You've been there before," said Jadeite. "In episode 12. But you were poorly animated that day. Or poorly drawn, rather. Perhaps by a noobie."

"…No I wasn't?" said Beryl. "I'm never poorly animated. That must have been some kind of shapeshifting Youma, but she failed to perfectly master my looks."

"No way," said Jadeite.

"Yes," said Beryl. "I don't have time to go into people's dark spaces. I respect the 4th amendment of the Nega constitution, guaranteeing the right to privacy."

"Thanks," said Jadeite. "But my right has been violated. My house has been taken from me."

"By who?" asked Beryl.

"I don't know!" said Jadeite. "The dimension just closed!"

"The dimension… just closed?" considered Beryl. "Why didn't you just put your house in the regular Negaverse, or on the Earth, like Nephrite, as he's trying to infiltrate the humans."

"Because," said Jadeite. "It's too noisy if I don't have my own space. Don't you hear the howls of feral beasts late into the night?"

"Of course not," said Beryl. "I have my own dimension. I heard there's storms in the Negaverse sometimes. I pity Kunzite and Zoisite for choosing the Negaverse as their home. They must be used to everywhere they go, a beast is sitting under a rock. I couldn't have such a public lifestyle."

"Yes, I pity them," agreed Jadeite. "But back to my problems."

"Look, I have no idea why your dimension would just up and close," said Beryl. "That's a problem you should take up with Metalia."

"No can do," said Jadeite. "Too spooky."

"Hmm," said Beryl. "She's a good pal once you get to know her."

Jadeite shook his head.

"Alright, alright," said Beryl.

She pulled out her ball. "What's the number of your dimension?"

"1," said Jadeite.

"Bad move," said Beryl. "That's the first one someone would guess. I'm in number 52. Shoot, I don't want you to know that!"

"What dimension did you put me in?" asked Jadeite. "When I was frozen?"

"44," said Beryl.

"Ah, that's why Nephrite didn't free me," considered Jadeite.

But actually, Nephrite just didn't want to.

"Hmm," said Beryl, looking at a list of all the dimensions. "I don't see dimension 1 on here."

"Yes!" said Jadeite. "It's gone now!"

"Hmmmmm," said Beryl, doing more research. "Ah!" she said. "Here it is! Dimension 1 was closed, as Metalia thought it wasn't in use."

"NOOOO!" said Jadeite. "Tell her to open it back up!"

"That won't work," said Beryl. "Once a dimension closes, it's gone forever."

"Once I take your life, it will be gone forever," sneered Jadeite.

"Shut up!" said Beryl. "Sadly, Metalia can't keep up a bunch of empty dimensions. It costs a lot of energy. If you want her to make you another dimension, then you should get energy!"

"NEEEEVEERR!" yelled Jadeite. "I'll just build my own house, in the open Nether."

"Suit yourself," said Beryl. "Don't sleep in the bed, though."

"No bed," said Jadeite.

Jadeite left.

Jadeite found a floating platform in the Negaboonies.

"It's time," said Jadeite.

He spawned 200 wood planks.

"Okay, time to build my house," he stated.

Jadeite took out a nail and a hammer, and nailed two planks together.

"We're making progress!" said Jadeite.

He took out another nail.

"Hmm," he thought as he hammered it. "I don't really need that big of a house…"

On his third nail, Jadeite already had gloomy thoughts.

"Just the size of a closet would be good," he said. "Just to keep out the Negarain, and to fit a chair."

On Jadeite's fourth nail, he only hammered it halfway.

"I quit," he said, standing up. "Building a house is too much work. I haven't even got to the bricks and cement yet, but I know it's going to be no picnic."

Jadeite went to the soda machine, to crack open a cool one.

He bought a soda.

"AAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhh," he said. "It's very refreshing after a hard day of work."

"Yes," agreed Nephrite, who was still savoring his same soda.

"Hey," said Jadeite. "You're a powerful man, aren't you?"

"Yes," said Nephrite. "Mighty as they come."

"Say," said Jadeite. "Could you spawn me a house?"

"No can do," said Nephrite.

"Why not?" demanded Jadeite.

"Because," said Nephrite. "If I build a house for you, then every single Youma's going to come along, asking me to build them a house. The Youma slums exist for a reason. You should go live there."

"Hey!" said Jadeite. "I'm no Youma! I'm one of the Great Boys, so build me a house!"

"Sorry," said Nephrite. "My hands are tied. You should just spawn your own."

"Maybe I will!" said Jadeite. "You good-for-nothing! Keep drinking your soda, punk!"

Nephrite kept drinking his soda, and Jadeite left.

"That boy," said Nephrite. "Needs to learn something. A lot, actually."

Jadeite found some open space.

"HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed, spawning a large structure after using much energy.

He was in a pant.

"That Nephrite's a strong one," he said. "Spawning a mountain like it's nothing."

Jadeite examined his structure. "Eh… it didn't turn out very orderly, and doesn't really look like a house. I had something in my head, but apparently my hands can't recreate it. Oh well."

He opened the door, but it didn't lead anywhere.

"What is this?!" said Jadeite. "Huh?"

Apparently, Jadeite had just spawned a solid rock formation, with no interior.

"Dammit," said Jadeite. "Well, let's try that again."

Jadeite broke into a hot sweat, and spawned another house attempt.

This one somehow ended up having no walls, only a frame.

Jadeite narrowed his eyes. "I'm thinking of what it is, but I can't seem to bring out the whole picture. It's like my powers have a mind of their own."

Jadeite tried to muster another house, but could not, so he went to Earth, and effortlessly grabbed a bundle of energy from humans.

He ate it, with a fork and knife.

"Here we go!" said Jadeite. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

And with that, a nice enough single bedroom house appeared.

"Perfect!" said Jadeite. "That's all I need!"

Jadeite walked in, and there was no floor or furniture, or windows. Some furniture he tried to imagine ended up just being half-finished rock formations, and there was some mushy looking pillar like it had just melted from the ceiling.

"Yuck," said Jadeite. "What is this mess? How can Nephrite just spawn intricate floors and furniture, and windows, all with incredible detail and texture?! Just the exterior of his mansion has many intricate patterns, and that's not even talking about the giant mountain with trees. How did he imagine each and every tree, and eventually a functional car, a specific model sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars?! I can spawn claymen and all, that look and act exactly like people, well, kind of act, but that's only small scale. Nephrite is a true champ."

Jadeite sat down on a rock formation, and took out a new laptop.

"Either way, it has a roof, so it's a shelter," decided Jadeite. "So this will have to do."

That's when there was a crack of thunder.

Jadeite waited for the next bolt of lightning to count how far away the Negastorm was, when suddenly his house was obliterated because it was flimsily made.

It was in ruins and pieces from the lightning strike, and just for good measure, a pack of feral Youmas came in like a raid party and destroyed every last molecule.

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "That darn Negalightning! Why do we have that down here?! We're underground!"

Jadeite fired his own lightning into the sky, but it did nothing.

"Hmmm," he said. "I can't make a house. It's time to find someone else's."

"Hmm," he thought. "Nephrite's not using his… I should go take it!"

But then he remembered what happened last time. He didn't remember it clearly, but he remembered that at some point he lived in Nephrite's house, and it didn't work out.

"I could go squat in Zoiboy's house," considered Jadeite. "It's a pretty big castle for two people, they might not even know I live there."

Jadeite traversed the Negajungle with a hatchet, and made it to Zoisite and Kunzite's castle.

He climbed the hill, and opened up a window with his fist, and climbed in.

He looked around. No one was to be spotted.

He quickly scrambled to the cellar, where his new home would be.

"Hmm," he said. "I could just ask them to live here, perhaps they have a spare room, but last time they made me sleep in a cabinet, and I don't think Zoisite's evil ways have changed since then."

With that, Jadeite spawned his chair in the cellar, and pulled out a new Red Flyer.

But that's when Jadeite realized he wasn't alone.

There were 50 other Youmas squatting there, some looking very similar to Yasha.

"Hey, what is this?" demanded Jadeite. "Some kind of homeless Youma jamboree?"

"Keep your voice down," said Yasha. "If they hear we're down here, they might kill us all."

"Why can't you just find a home?" said Jadeite.

"Right back atcha," said Yasha.

All the Youmas were hiding under a large boiler, and all that was visible was their eyes.

"Ridiculous," said Jadeite. "One wouldn't know if you were a Youma, or some kind of rat."

"Get out," said a Youma. "Your kind isn't welcome down here."

"Make me," barked Jadeite, but the Youmas knew they couldn't do that.

"We're getting overcrowded in here," complained a Youma. "No one spread the word of our home, please."

That's when there was the sound of footsteps nearby, perhaps overhead.

"Kunzite!" said Zoisite. "Someone punched through our window!"

"Oof," said Jadeite. "That wasn't a good idea."

"SSHHH!" said all the Youmas.

"This is a madhouse," said Jadeite, in his outdoor voice. "What an arrangement."

"Hmm," said Kunzite. "Maybe a Negahurricane flew by, or some kind of other Negastorm."

"No," said Zoisite. "Look. The hole is in the shape of a fist!"

"Well isn't that odd?" said Kunzite. "We need to up our security. Who knows, 50 feral Youmas could be living in our cellar and we wouldn't even know!"

"Heh heh," chuckled Jadeite. "Ironic."

"Hey!" said Kunzite. "Do you hear that?"

"Oop!" said Jadeite, closing his laptop and leaping under the boiler.

"Shoot," thought Jadeite. "I thought they were far away, but it turns out they were just close but speaking quietly. It was clear as day though, when Kunzite spoke loudly."

"I… I think there's something living down there!" exclaimed Zoisite, in a very scared tone.

"Stay behind me," said Kunzite. "I'll go check it out."

The door slowly opened, and light seeped in.

Not being used to the light, one feral beast could not control itself, and let out a rowdy howl.

"You fool!" yelled Yasha. "You ruined it all!"

Yasha and her cronies started throwing punches at the beast, but it was too late.

Kunzite lifted the boiler, and revealed 50 feral Youmas, and Jadeite, one of the Great Four.

Several of the Youmas hissed, and Zoisite's face turned bright blue.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he yelled, falling to the floor in terror like notorious goofball Luigi.

"RRRrRRRR!" yelled Kunzite. "You feral beasts! Begone with you!"

He started throwing attacks, and it became a warzone.

Several slipped under Kunzite's legs, and went right up the stairs, ravaging Kunzite's house.

"Hey!" yelled Kunzite.

One of the Youmas locked the door, but Kunzite threw a kick, quickly destroying it.

"Let's raid the pantry!" screamed a Youma.

Most of them didn't even try to fight Kunzite, and almost all of them were booking it for the exit, to make it to the promised land of Kunzite's regular house.

"NOOO!" yelled Kunzite. "It's a free-for-all!"

He grabbed Yasha by the horns, and threw her into a wall, destroying her.

He grew a giant aura that was spinning, and any Youma that tried to make it to the door got zapped like a mosquito, and dropped dead.

Zoisite tried to separate himself from the riot, backing away slowly, but that's when a Youma spotted him, and mercilessly blitzed him, taking him to the floor.

"RRrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR!" it growled.

"Zoisite!" yelled Kunzite.

Jadeite used this opening to escape, and vanished, not looking back.

With nowhere else to turn, Jadeite decided to move into the Shitennou lounge.

It was too noisy with the Shitennou constantly visiting, so Jadeite moved into the Negacomputer lounge, where he slept on the ground.

Right when he fell asleep though, he was awoken by the sound of loud clicking.

Melvin was panting really really loudly, practically gasping for breath.

"What are you doing?" growled Jadeite.

"Oh," said Melvin. "This is where I spend my nights. Everyone knows this is the best time to go on Minecraft, because not many players are on, and then you can raid their bases unopposed."

"Can you click more quietly?" said Jadeite. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Alright," said Melvin. "I'll try."

Jadeite fell asleep, but was woken up minutes later.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Melvin at the top of his lungs.

"WHAT?!" yelled Jadeite.

"My gapple didn't eat!" yelled Melvin. "There was lag, and I DIED! I lost 5 beacons! Well, I didn't lose them," he considered. "The people I was raiding got them back."

"You should have used your ender chest," said Jadeite.

"I can't," explained Melvin. "I was deep in their base. I was planning on logging out and locking my account forever so they couldn't get their beacons, but right as I was doing my last minute preparations to say goodbye to the account, they jumped me in a 60v1. I held my own for a while, and I would have probably won if one of my 50 gaps hadn't failed to work. I had 23 left! NooOOOOO! I could have won! I could have won!"

Jadeite put a pillow over his head. "Ridiculous," he said. "Maybe I'll become nocturnal, and sleep during the day."

But that was a big mistake on Jadeite's part, as the Negacomputer lounge was very busy during the day.

Kenji and the rest of the Shitennou walked in, and logged on Toontown.

"Alright," said Kenji. "We're going to steal a building."

"NOOO!" yelled Jadeite. "What are you doing!? Go away!"

"What are you talking about?" said Zoisite. "It's the middle of the day. Why are you laying on the floor?"

"RRRRRRRRRRR!" shouted Jadeite.

"Come on now," said Nephrite. "You can't expect us not to use the computer lounge all day."

"No!" said Jadeite. "But Melvin was in here all night!"

"Melvin?" asked Kunzite. "He shouldn't be allowed in the Dark Kingdom. Did someone leave the door open?"

"No," said Kenji. "I gave him a keycard, because Beryl gave me 20 to give to friends."

"Darn that Beryl," said Nephrite. "No wonder why I see humans sometimes walking around. I try to pretend they're Youmas in their human forms, but I know better."

Jadeite got up and left.

He returned back to the Shitennou lounge.

"At least if all the Shitennou are in the computer lounge, this should buy me some time in here," figured Jadeite, the poor, homeless Jadeite.

He laid down on the couch.

"Ahh, so much nicer," he said.

That's when Evil Endymion came in, and started playing Just Dance 8.

"Ooooh!" he said, dancing to Shomin Sample OP. "Oooh yeah!" he said. "Feel the burn!"

Jadeite was fed up and left, and returned to the Negacomputer lounge.

All heck had broken loose with the Toontown raid brigade.

Kunzite was throwing punches, and Zoisite was angrily mashing on his keyboard.

"Now I'm stuck in a building with three villains!" he said.

"Try to green them!" said Nephrite.

"I can't, they're greening me! Oh no, I went sad," complained Zoisite.

"Ridiculous," said Kenji. "When I said 'Hop in!' it means you should hop in, idiots!"

"You're the idiot," said Zoisite. "You weren't even in that building!"

"I was the first one in," said Kenji. "But Kunzite's just too slow, so I hopped. And that's when those rascals tried to slip in."

"I was waiting," said Kunzite. "As everyone knows, you have to hop out of the building once for the timer to be able to drop down to zero."

"Can it," said Kenji. "No excuse for that flop, any of you."

"Look, I'm just in a bad mood because recently our house got swarmed by a pack of feral Youmas," said Kunzite. "They destroyed everything. Me and Zoisite have been sleeping on futons in the ruins of our kitchen, which was looted of every single crumb."

"Too bad," said Kenji. "Don't bring your home life into the gaming life. We're here to steal buildings, not mope."

"SHUT UP!" yelled Jadeite. "I'm TRYING to SLEEP!"

"What?" said Kenji. "You're a homeless man?"

"Yes!" said Jadeite. "My dimension closed!"

"Sad," said Kunzite. "You should have known better than to live in a separate dimension."

"Aww, why didn't you just tell us, Jadeite?" said Zoisite. "We would have offered you refuge in a cabinet."

"Shut up," said Jadeite.

"Well, if you're still down on your luck," said Kenji. "Why don't you stay at my place?"

"REEEALLY?!" said Jadeite. "No kidding?"

"Nope," said Kenji. "Everyone gets down on their luck eventually. We once let this homeless man stay at our house for several months."

"Oh," said Jadeite. "What happened?"

"Nothing," said Kenji. "But I killed Shingle after he got back on his feet."

"Ah, there it is," said Jadeite.

"Yes," said Kenji. "But if you don't mind me killing Shingle, you can sleep in Shingle's room after I kill him."

"Okay," said Jadeite. "Where can I sleep until then?"

"The couch," shrugged Kenji.

After the Shitennou played Toontown for 20 more hours, it was time for Kenji to go back to his other life.

"Come on, Jeddo," he said.

Jadeite followed the man like a happy dog.

"You don't want to sleep in the Negaverse anyway," said Kenji. "For all we know, there could be some kind of Negaparasites, or some Negadisease."

"Hopefully we Shitennou would be immune to that," said Jadeite.

"Hehehe," said Kenji. "Did you get your negavaccinations?"

"Shoot," said Jadeite. "I said I would get around to it…"

They were approaching the door to the Tsukino residence now, and Kenji took out his key.

"Just act natural," said Kenji. "Don't let them know I'm gonna kill Shingle," he said as he opened the door.

"I'm home!" he yelled.

"Welcome home," said Ikuko.

"Shut up, woman," said Kenji. "You should be making dinner."

"Right," said Ikuko.

Jadeite narrowed his eyes. "I hope this household isn't a jamboree like Kunzite's basement."

"Don't worry," said Kenji. "We're just in a regular Japanese household. Nothing to be concerned with here."

Kenji led Jadeite to the living room, and he sat down.

"Take a seat, boy," he said.

"I will," said Jadeite.

Jadeite sat down.

"Ahhh," said Kenji. "Very good. You can always call this place your second home. And you can stay here as long as you like."

"Wow," said Jadeite. "Thanks. I never realized you were actually a good person."

"Ho ho ho," said Kenji. "Don't mention it, boy. I always look out for one of my own."

Dinner was ready, and Kenji and Jadeite sat down at the dinner table.

Jadeite sat down in Ikuko's seat.

Ikuko narrowed her eyes.

"Young man," she said. "I know you are Kenji's friend, but this is a house of Japanese customs. The mother always sits here."

"Let him be," said Kenji. "Ikukukukukuko, gather the kids. I want to introduce them to their new housemate, my friend from work."

Soon the kids gathered, and took their seats.

Usagi narrowed her eyes at Jadeite sitting there in his full Shitennou uniform.

Luna let out a howl, and Kenji had to put her down, thinking she'd gone feral.

"No!" said Usagi. "She just sensed strong evil energy!"

"The only evil energy here," said Kenji. "Is my will to kill Shingle."

"Yeeesh," said Shingle, sweating and pulling at his collar.

Shingle sat down. "Who is this old man, sitting at our table?" he demanded.

"Old man!?" said Jadeite.

"He's one of my friends," said Kenji. "He will be staying here."

"Really?" said Shingle. "Ridiculous. I mean, come on! He didn't even take his shoes off at the table!"

Jadeite was still in his shoes, and had no intention of taking them off.

"Shut up, boy," said Kenji. "I'll take your life, and you know I will."

"You ain't got nothing, old man!" yelled Shingle.

"Calm down," said Ikuko, as Kenji pushed his chair back and clenched his belt. "Let's all just enjoy our meal."

"Thank you for the meal!" said Usagi.

They all started eating.

Ikuko handed Jadeite his plate.

"Just know, you're always welcome here," she said.

Jadeite took the plate without saying thank you, and began chowing like a crazy person.

"You know," said Ikuko. "It's disrespectful to be at the dining table with gloves. Or a jacket. Or shoes."

"Quiet," said Jadeite.

"Yeah, you tell her!" said Kenji.

"So this guy's your friend?" said Shingle.

"Yes," said Kenji. "What's your point?" he said.

"Oh," said Shingle. "I was just under the impression you had no friends."

Kenji clenched his fist.

"Eeeeasy now," said Ikuko. "Let's just please finish this meal. We don't want to fight at the dinner table in front of our guest."

Jadeite finished up quickly, and went out to the living room without asking to be excused.

"He's disrespectful," said Ikuko once he left.

"Nonsense, dear," said Kenji. "He just has a different way of living."

Surprisingly, they made it a whole dinner without a life being taken. Well, a human life anyway, as Luna had perished, but that was before the dinner.

"Alright," said Jadeite, putting in his headphones and opening his Red Flyer. "Time to watch my shows."

He finally reloaded that Steven Universe episode featuring Ronaldo.

But that's when suddenly, there was a loud sound of glass shattering.

"Shingle!" yelled Ikuko. "Be more careful, you punk kid! Don't just throw plates across the room into the sink!"

"Can it, fat boy," said Shingle to Ikuko.

That's when Kenji bounded up.

"That's it!" he said. "Shingle's dead!"

"Oooh, I'm so scared, YOU OLD FOOL!" screamed Shingle, sprinting out into the living room.

"Help me!" he yelled to Jadeite.

But Jadeite simply turned up his volume.

Suddenly Kenji came out, whipping his belt and destroying the TV in a misfire.

Shingle took off up the stairs rather than out the door for some reason, and Kenji quickly followed after.

"THIS IS IT FOR YOU, SHITTER!" he yelled.

"You're the SHITTER," retaliated Shingle. "Have at you!" he yelled, which was followed by the sound of a punch.

There was a sound of a whipcrack.

"Ooh, missed!" yelled Shingle. "Gonna have to be quicker than that, old man! You're not the star of the rodeo anymore, cowboy!"

There were more whip cracks, and the banging upstairs of Shingle leaping around like a jumping bean.

Jadeite angrily turned his volume up to max, but the sound of domestic violence upstairs was so loud it was completely drowning out his show.

There was the sound of blows being thrown, and then there was a whip crack, followed by Shingle screeching.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he screamed, in pain.

"Keep it down!" yelled Jadeite. "My headphones won't go any higher!"

But he was ignored, and there was simply the sound of more banging.

Suddenly there was the sound of a window shattering, implying that Shingle leapt out a window.

"OOF!" yelled someone from outside.

"Here I come, boy! I'll show you who's not a cowboy anymore!" shouted Kenji.

"You won't leap!" taunted Shingle. "You're too OLD!"

But that's when there was the sound of a car getting dented, suggesting Kenji had leapt down and landed on his car, crushing its hood.

"OOOH NOOO!" yelled Shingle, as the car alarm went off in a blaring howl.

There were several more whip cracks, but suddenly the whip cracks stopped as Shingle must have sacrificed a hit to grab the belt.

"I NEVER LIKED YOOUU!" yelled Kenji. "Let go, boy, and accept your demise!"

"I NEVER LIKED YOU EITHER!" yelled Shingle.

"Absolutely ridiculous," thought Jadeite. "How has no one called the police on them yet? They're just outside, making a public spectacle. But on the bright side, maybe their fighting will take them further from the house, out of hearing range."

That's when Shingle ran back inside for some unknown reason, and sprung off of Jadeite's Red Flyer, slamming it shut on his hands.

"NOOO!" yelled Jadeite, quickly reopening it.

Shingle tried to run up the stairs again, but Shingle was bounding too fast, and tripped, going tumbling into a table and destroying it.

"OWOWOWOWOW!" he yelled, clenching his arm.

Suddenly Kenji sprinted in.

"This is it!" he yelled, swinging down his belt.

"Stop, please!" said Ikuko, grabbing Kenji's arms and trying to get the belt out of his hands. "He's our only son! Stop!"

But Kenji just swung his arm, tossing Ikuko to the ground, and crippling her.

"You should have come equipped with your frying pan if you wanted to fight!" taunted Kenji.

He got ready to kill Ikuko with his whip, but Shingle finally got to his feet and threw his whole body in a bodyslam.

"GET OFF HER!" he howled, slamming his body into Kenji and almost toppling his balance.

Kenji picked up Shingle by the neck, and started throwing punches.

Ikuko was sobbing.

That's when Usagi sprinted down the stairs, and leapt on Kenji's back, getting him by the neck with her arm.

"L-L-LET GO!" sputtered Kenji, his face turning blue.

He threw his back into the wall, suffering a lot of recoil, but doing a lot more damage.

But Usagi was hanging on for dear life.

Shingle finally broke free of Kenji's grasp, and started throwing punches to Kenji's exposed torso.

But Kenji threw one simple knee, throwing Shingle across the room.

He finally got a hold of Usagi's arms, and threw her over his shoulder and into a table.

She tried to get to her feet, but Kenji threw a piledriver.

"Don't interfere!" he yelled.

Ikuko got on her feet and threw a punch, but Kenji threw a knee into her stomach, and then he threw a sucker P, followed by a right hook.

"This is unbearable," thought Jadeite. "It's so noisy from all the brawling."

Shingle returned with a bat, but Kenji swung his belt, confiscating the bat and disposing of it.

Shingle threw a blow, but Kenji threw three more at the same time, easily overpowering Shingle's one blow.

Jadeite had shut his computer, and was now just angrily watching the events unfold with an annoyed glare.

Usagi tried to pull out some kind of pen, but Kenji kicked it out of her hand, and Kenji and her became locked in an exchange of blows.

Many blows were thrown in all directions during the exchange, however despite Usagi being able to hold her own at the beginning, she quickly lost her ground as Kenji was a grown man, and she was a young girl.

Kenji overpowered her, and sent three swift punches to her stomach, and she dropped to the ground.

Shingle tried to scramble to his feet to run, but Kenji caught his foot with a belt, and reeled him back in like a fish.

Right before Shingle's life left him, Shangle, Shingle's younger brother, sprinted in and threw a leaping kick, forcing Kenji to stumble back.

Shangle leapt in the air to reach Kenji's height, and threw five kicks, but Kenji simply blocked them with his arms, and then retaliated with a punch, sending Shangle flying across the room.

"Alright," said Jadeite. "That's enough now. Just kill Shingle another day, Kenji."

Shingle lifted up a vase, and threw it into the back of Kenji's head.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled the man in agony.

He suddenly closed in on Shingle at top speeds, and threw a cyclone punch, sending the boy up through the roof of the house.

Shangle was charging from behind, but Kenji threw a mighty dropkick, tossing him.

It was in fact so mighty that Shangle died, before he even hit the ground.

Shingle returned, and threw a left hook, followed by a right one, but Kenji dodged, and threw a knee into his stomach.

Jadeite was just waiting for Kenji to kill Shingle so he could finally watch his show, but from the looks of things, Shingle was a fireball who wouldn't burn out any time soon.

Jadeite finally walked out the door when he saw Ikuko climbing to her feet, as he knew this would carry on into the late hours of the night.

Right as Jadeite closed the door, Kenji had his arms around Shingle's neck, and Ikuko was scrambling to get a kitchen knife.

Jadeite walked up the steps to Hikawa Shrine, and knocked on the door.

"It's time," said Grandpa, letting him in.

"Thanks," said Jadeite. "But how'd you know about me coming?"

"The flames told me," said Grandpa. "Stay here as long as you need, young man."

"Thanks," said Jadeite, feeling like this wasn't the first time things had played out like this.

He passed Chad who was mopping.

"Rock on!" said Chad.

"Shut up," said Jadeite.

Jadeite lived a peaceful life in the temple, and finished Steven Universe.

He finally logged on the Reddit, and saw that nothing much was happening.

"These are all just crack theories," said Jadeite. "Darn, I hate hiatuses."

Jadeite closed his computer, and laid back down in his bed.

"Having furniture is something I can get used to," considered Jadeite. "Having this room at the shrine is like when I had my long lost apartment, from the single digit chapters. It's too bad the rent got too high, and also the new management was a burden. They threw out my bottle cap collection, and insisted it was garbage. But they have a lot to learn. That's where I acquired my fear of apartments."

Jadeite pondered his new conditions a while longer. "I should have moved in with Chiba, or maybe Motoki. It would have been nice to have a man my age to talk to. It'd be like college, which I never went to. Bunking with a man. Hmm, when I put it like that though, it sounds a little gay. I think I'll go out, and take a walk. But first I need to ask that girl where she moved my shoes."

Jadeite walked into Rei's room, and she was in the nude, and Jadeite felt like an anime MC.

However, he wasn't gay, so he didn't blush or turn away.

"AAAAAAAAAAIYEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Rei, grabbing a blanket. "Haven't you ever heard of a knock!?"

"Hmmm," said Jadeite. "Haven't you ever heard of a lock?"

Rei opened her mouth, but had nothing to say.

She tried again, but words could not be produced.

"Yeah, that's right," said Jadeite. "Typical anime girls. Always trying to put the blame on the guy. But you're equally responsible for this mishap. In fact, even more so than me, because you were the nude one, so it was up to you to lock the door."

"W-what do you want?" demanded Rei.

"Shoes?" said Jadeite. "I left them by the door but they're not there anymore."

"Chad might have moved them while mopping," said Rei. "Look in the closet."

"Alright," said Jadeite.

Jadeite got back from his long walk around town.

He checked his phone.

It was a text from Beryl. "Energy?" was all it read.

"No," replied Jadeite.

Jadeite turned off his phone forever.

"I guess I've gotten Earth syndrome, like Nephrite," said Jadeite. "Where being away from the Dark Kingdom causes us to not feel like we need to report anymore. Cause I certainly have no intentions of reporting ever again."

Jadeite entered the temple, and headed for the bath.

However, when he swung open the unlocked door, there was Rei, just getting out of the bath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed. "There's a sign on the door!"

"Oh," said Jadeite. "I don't look at that. It was the furthest thought from my mind. You should have locked the door."

"You should stop being a peeper!" said Rei. "You should learn to knock!"

"You should learn to lock," said Jadeite. "You know what?" decided Jadeite. "I don't even want a bath."

Jadeite left.

"Unbelievable," said Rei.

On the way back to his room, Jadeite ran into Chad, still mopping.

"All work and no play, huh big guy?" said Jadeite.

"Shut up!" said Chad. "It's a big temple, and I haven't even gotten to outside yet!"

"Say," said Jadeite. "How do you do it?"

"What?" asked Chad. "Mop?"

"No," said Jadeite. "Live in the same house as a girl. I just don't get it. I keep walking in on her, because she seems to always be nude."

"Shyaaa, that doesn't sound like a problem," said Chad.

"Well, it's not, really," said Jadeite. "I enjoy the view, but I get yelled at. It's tiring how she tries to blame me."

"Hmmm," said Chad. "That reminds me of that time that beast was running around here, and I snuck a peak. But I got yelled at."

"See what I mean?" said Jadeite. "And by beast, are you talking about Jiji?"

"Yes," said Chad. "I fought him toe-to-toe. However, I threw one more headbutt than my consciousness could take, and then it left me."

"Sad," said Jadeite. "I blame that guy Zoisite. He brings misery everywhere he goes."

"Shyaaa," agreed Chad.

"Well, alright then," said Jadeite, awkwardly breaking off the conversation because there was no way to reply to a "Shyaaa."

"Man," Jadeite thought to himself. "It's like she wants us to see her nude. But then she has a typical tsundere reaction. Hmm."

Jadeite opened the door to his room, and there was Rei, naked.

"NOOOOoOOO!" yelled Rei. "You pervert!"

"Huh?!" yelled Jadeite. "Am I in the wrong room?"

But he wasn't, and it was in fact his room.

"Get out!" yelled Jadeite. "What is this? Why would you go in my room, take your clothes off, and not lock the door?!"

"You pervert!" repeated Rei. "I was retreating from the bath, and was going to change before you could sneak another glance! Because the first place you'd look is the shower room, and then my room! But it appears I was wrong, and you saw through my plan!"

"You're the pervert!" said Jadeite. "What do you think you're doing? I just came in here to go to bed!"

"Liar!" shouted Rei. "You lie!"

She exited the room in just a towel.

"How many baths does this girl take?" wondered Jadeite. "The first time she was changing clothes I guess, but this is her second shower today! Or maybe it was the same shower, and for some reason she still hadn't gotten her clothes on."

Jadeite shook his head. "This is a wild ride."

He tried to go to bed, but he kept having dreams of walking in on Rei.

"What the hell?" he said, getting startled out of his sleep at 3 AM.

He decided to go use the bathroom, as he could not sleep.

On the way there, a ghoul with a candle suddenly sprung out of nowhere, and Jadeite's spirit left him for a second.

He screamed at the top of his lungs, before pulling his lifeforce back in.

It turned out it was just Grandpa with a candle.

"What are you doing?" said Jadeite. "Why are you down here by my room, with a candle?"

"I'm not doing anything," said Grandpa. "I'm just doing my 3 AM exercise down the halls."

"This place is a madhouse," said Jadeite. "A complete and utter jam."

"Thank you," said Grandpa. "I like to keep my temple lively."

Grandpa left.

"What's with all the shouting?" said Rei, stepping out of her room nude.

"AAAAHHH!" yelled Jadeite. "Put on some clothes!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" shrieked Rei. "Pervert!"

"Why are you NUUUDE?!" yelled Jadeite.

"I sleep NUUUUDE!" yelled Rei.

"Hmm, that's pretty hot," said Jadeite. "I mean uh… no!"

Jadeite fled back into his room.

He was in a hot pant.

He double-locked his door, and then pushed a shelf against it.

"What in the world!?" he demanded. "I've been here one day, and I've already seen her nude four times!"

Jadeite finally settled down, and got back in his bed.

"If I stay in here with the door locked, there's no way her nude body can find me," he said. "Hmm," he thought. "Good thing no one's around to hear me. They would have thought I'm being a Zoisite. However this situation has gotten out of hand. I think the only solution is to go out of my way to see her nude. That's the only way I'll find closure."

Jadeite went to bed, and slept soundly for the first time in a few weeks.

The next day, Jadeite hung by his door with a cup, waiting patiently for the footsteps of Rei leaving her room.

Finally he heard footsteps, and waited for them to fade away.

That's when Jadeite sprinted out the door, and sprinted down the hall at top speeds.

He bodyslammed the door to the bath, taking it down, but suddenly to Jadeite's horror, it was not a young girl, but it was in fact Grandpa.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooo!" yelled Jadeite, like Bowser, and his eyes suddenly were toasted alive.

"Hey there," said Grandpa. "Can you wash my back?"

Jadeite took his own life.

The following day, Jadeite decided he couldn't handle the psychological strain, and moved back into his dumpster that he once resided in from that chapter where he was moving around houses.

"Ahhhh," said Jadeite. "Peace and quiet."

He took out his laptop and connected to the nearby McDonald's Wi-Fi.

"I can get used to this!" said Jadeite.

FIN