Chapter 104: After All Is Left In Pieces

Like a blanket of protection, Sunstreaker's storng arms warmly enveloped me from the back, as I rested against his strong chest. We enjoyed the peaceful moment, looking up at the night sky, while the white moon, surrounded by brilliant white stars moved steadily across the indigo blue sky, precious slowly ticking ticking away. The occasional breeze was a welcomed refreshment to our warm frames as the light wind rustled the leaves between tree branches.

I discreetly looked at Sunstreaker, who was watching the stars move across the sky, with a small smile on his serene face, while the moonlight scintillatingly reflected off of his impeccable golden frame. While the moonlight accentuated his sharpest and highest facial features, it also created sharp shadows around his straight nose, strict eyebrows, and impeccable jawline, that only intensified his masculine appearance.

If I was being honest with myself, Sunstreaker looked like a golden god. A bearer of a strong body, chiseled to perfection, with skills honed in fighting and training to complement the looks.

There was definitely a physical attraction between us, coupled with a sense of intimate familiarity and safety in the mere proximity of our yearning sparks. A bizarre amalgamation of such intense feelings that rushed to the surface so suddenly. Our connection felt more spiritual than anything else, on such a level that my processor was unable to comprehend yet.

If this moment was not the perfect mirror of serenity, I would not know how to describe what would be instead. Laying in the arms of a protector, my protector, my paladin, feeling both physically and emotionally safe.

I may not have been aware of how he came to be my mate, or how he loved me to the extent that he does, but I could only suppose that I must have done something right in the time period that I, unfortunately, could not remember. For a split second, I felt as though I was simply on the receiving end of his emotions, and how my lack of reciprocation would ultimately show him that I couldn't remember feeling the same way towards him.

While I was lost in my thoughts, I felt that a sudden, soft kiss was planted on my forehead. I chuckled shyly when I realized that my discreet looking at him wasn't so discrete after all. "Like what you see?" He asked with a smile on his beautiful face, tilting his helm down slightly to look into my optics with his piercing blue ones.

When my optics made contact with his, I couldn't help but notice how they held so many intense emotions for me. Rather unknowingly, while I was entranced by his stunning gaze, I drew him towards me with my optics as he inclined his face towards mine.

I felt completely at peace with him, no matter what he did. It was indisputable that we both felt the positive tension between our frames increase, invisible lines of magnetic attraction fatedly drawing us closer to each other. An ineffable feeling, more than a lustful temptation, that made me believe that everything happening in this moment was right, that every touch of affection was without fault.

However, I couldn't push out the feeling of guilt from the back of my mind. This creeping thought that the golden mech in front of me was loving someone who was not there. I felt that he was in love with the version of the femme he remembered me to be, however, not the version of who I am.

Is it possible that we were both so selfish? That I would accept any soft touch from his strong hands, to feel protected and cared for, while not feeling the same way towards him? Was it possible he would endlessly pretend that I was the same femme that he so stubbornly believed I was? Were we both aware that we were only fooling ourselves here and that this situation we found ourselves in was nothing more but a twisted reality, rather than some dream come true?

My hesitation in answering him, shown in the smallest details of my lack of, caused his brows to join confusedly. What used to be an intimate, emotional tension of craving, now transformed into something less certain, more worrisome, which made him move his head a bit back.

"What's wrong?" He inquired softly. I could see in his blue optics that he was worried that he may have crossed an invisible line with me, or that he touched me somewhere inappropriate. However, that was not the case, or at least, that's not what the creeping feeling of guilt in the back of my head kept telling me. I couldn't make the mech think it was okay to be in love with someone who's not there. I owed it to him to tell him the truth from my side.

"I'm afraid that…" I took in a deep breath, trying to say my words gently. "That the time we had, before I lost my memory of it... I'm afraid that it was wasted." I said as a pang of pain emerged in my throat, right below my jaw. I was a compassionate femme by nature, capable of putting myself in other's shoes and seeing the world through the lens of their optics. That was precisely the reason why I had to speak up. While it was nonnegotiable that I loved the feeling of being cared for this way, I wouldn't want somebody to lead me on, if the roles were reversed, especially in a situation as fragile and as difficult as this one. I couldn't allow myself to be the one leading the poor mech into the illusion that things were the same, or even remotely similar, as he remembered them to be.

While he looked worried at first, upon letting my words sink in, he gave me a soft smile. Ever so gently, his hand raised up to caress my cheek, a touch which I couldn't help but lean into. With all of my good intentions of telling him how I did not want to lead him on, I could not put these emotions to the side. Whenever he touched me, it felt as if a dormant love was awakened from the depths of my spark, shining back to life with an outpour of emotions all directed at one mech. I was stuck in this loop where I did not actively feel the same emotions for him, but there was always something in my spark that continuously reached for those emotions, trying to surface them. But it never succeeded.

"My sweetspark," Sunstreaker spoke in his baritone voice, caressing my cheek slowly. "Our time together was not wasted." He said as his blue optics went over my face, taking in every detail of it as if savoring it in his mind like the most cherished memory. "I will never forget the love we shared. The love that gave us hope in the most dire of times." His fingers trailed down to my jaw, where he put his index finger under my chin to gently hold it up so my optics looked directly into his. My sparkbeat started picking up the beating pace. "I will never forget the strength you, and your love, taught me." He said with the most sincere expression of gratitude in his optics. "Because our love was everything to me. And I will never give up on it, no matter how long it takes."

Maybe he was not aware that he was only fooling himself. He couldn't see the reality past the truth that he held onto dearly in his mind.

"But Sunstreaker…" I slowly said as I tilted my helm at him. I whispered the words, afraid that if I said them too loudly, this moment would shatter and disappear forever. "What if I never remember?"

A flash of fear appeared in his optics, but lasted no longer than a flash itself. Fear was quickly replaced by a reassuring look in those ocean eyes, where I knew how much he believed the words he said next. "Even if you don't remember, your spark does. It remembers me."

I could never be sure whether we were fooling ourselves. He seemed to somehow know exactly what was going on in the innermost part of me – my spark. Indisputably, he was right. There was something more spiritual happening between us than I have ever experienced happen with anyone else. And I knew, like a habit so deeply engraved in my processor, like a learned behavior, that all that my spark wanted was to be was in close proximity to his spark.

A smile formed on my face and I hugged the golden mech in front of me, wrapping my arms around his neck as I pressed my chest against his. My spark danced around in its sparkhold as it came so near to Sunstreaker's spark. Sunstreaker's arms found their way around my back in a protective, but also possessive manner.

Perhaps we could keep fooling ourselves for a little while longer.

Suddenly, I noticed how the sky started becoming lighter, its color turning to that of crimson. As I moved away from the hug, Sunstreaker noticed what I saw. "We should go." He said.

"Why?" I asked. I didn't want this night to end just yet. It was so peaceful, so intimate…

"It's almost sunrise." He said. "I need to get you back to your quarters."

A tinge of light anxiety hit me. "But I don't want to go back." I said honestly.

Sunstreaker chuckled, a smirk drawn on his face. "It's best that we do. We didn't get authorization to leave."

I grinned playfully. "You want to say that we snuck out after hours?" I winked.

"Precisely." He winked back seductively and stood up, offering me a kind hand to get up.

I took his hand and when I thought that it was time to let go of it, he intertwined our fingers and gave me a smile. He intended for us to walk together, fingers intertwined, out of the forest. I gladly accepted this, for the soft inner plating of his palms was nothing short of wonderful to hold onto.

It felt as though I was in my teenage years, as if walking for the first time holding a mech's hand, with all of the butterflies that came along with the feeling. While the feeling reminded me of that, it was also different, in the sense that when I held my hand in his, there was nothing in this universe that could hurt me. This warm protective feeling instilled so much trust in him so naturally.

It's always been him.

Our sparks just dance the same.

I forced myself to get out of the thoughts in my head as we left the forest, ready to transform and roll back to base before anyone else noticed that we were missing.

It wasn't long before we reached the base, with the sun just barely emerging from the surface of the planet Earth. We made sure that we didn't come across any patrolling bots as we made our way towards the doors of my quarters. As we reached our final destination, we stood in front of the locked gunmetal grey door. Once we reached the door, I realized how saying goodbye to this beautiful evening would not be the easiest thing in the world.

We turned to each other. "So, this is it." I shyly said with a small shrug. I was lame at small talk, at best.

"Make sure you get enough rest." He said softly. Although it sounded like a candid recommendation, the way he said it in his deep and strict voice contained hints of command, which formed a tingly feeling below my abdomen, but only for a second.

"I doubt I will." I said with a smirk. "I'd rest better if you slept next to me." I grinned cutely, my processor being faster than my tongue. Regardless of what the conscious mind said about us fooling ourselves, making us believe we are more than the sick reality we found ourselves in, these feelings of longing and want would simply not go away. I could at least shoot my shot.

He chuckled deeply. "I can sleep in your quarters tonight, if you'd like." He said as he cupped my cheek and caressed it gently. His voice was void of any ulterior motives and intentions. As always, pure safety radiated from his proximity.

That's when a sudden, fictive red alarm went off in my head. Silvershot was recharging in our quarters, and I was pretty sure that given Silvershot's overprotective brotherly personality, things would not bode well between two alpha personalities, once Sunstreaker entered the room. I'd much rather evade such a quarrel, lest I should have also Silvershot on my back from now on, controlling every move I made.

"We can't recharge in my quarters." I quickly blurted out, panicked almost, putting my hands on his chest that reflected the golden glitter of his paint.

"Why?" He looked at me perplexedly. Whatever romantic moment we had up until now disappeared into thin air like smoke.

I knew how stupid and how weak of an excuse this was going to sound like, but I had to say it anyway. After all, wasn't it obvious? "Because Silvershot is recharging there." I replied sheepishly, scratching lightly the back of my neck with one digit.

I could have simply said that the quarters were a complete mess and that I didn't feel like he should come in at this point. I could have suggested that we went to his quarters instead. Although, Sideswipe would have probably been there anyway.

"Wait-" Sunstreaker took a step back, removing his hand from my cheek, his blue optics narrowing into slits with an absolute confusion written all over his face. My hands fell from his chest to the sides of my body. He stared at me for a good couple of seconds, fixated at me. "Did you just say Silvershot?" He asked as his eyebrows knitted together worryingly, his optics searching panically for something on my face. His face was slowly forming into dismay.

I didn't understand why he would be so afraid of Silvershot. "He's my brother." I shrugged. "We share these quarters, didn't you know?"

Sunstreaker's face paled in utter horror.

Like itching tentacles of despair, anxiety rose from the bottom of Sunstreaker's stomach, climbing its way up to his spark chamber. He tried not to look to alarmed in front of Goldstreak. Unfortunately, he was no master of disguise.

:Ratchet.: Sunstreaker immediately opened an emergency comlink to the medic, trying to sound calm while the anxiety pent up all the way to his throat, like a neck collar that kept on tightening. :We have a serious situation.:

:What's happened and who's injured?: The medic was quick to reply, and Sunstreaker could almost hear the medic shooting up from his berth and shuffling through his toolbox, preparing to fly out of the medbay as soon as he got the coordinates.

Sunstreaker couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth. :It's Goldstreak. She's insane.: It seemed surreal to the point that it must have been fake. But he knew better. He knew that Goldstreak would never joke that way about her deceased brother. All he could do was stare at her in horror, wishing for the first time in his life that his audios were malfunctioning.

However, Ratchet became aggravated the very second he heard Sunstreaker's reply. :Listen to me, you pompus little Autobot! Just because your femme is driving you crazy is no excuse for you to open emergency comlinks!: Ratchet barked.

:Ratchet, I'm not joking!: Sunstreaker snapped back at him through the comlink. :She…: He sighed. :She thinks Silvershot is in her room. Alive.:

Sunstreaker was greeted by radio silence on Ratchet's side. :What did you just say?: The medic asked trepidly.

:Come Ratchet, as quickly as you can.: Sunstreaker cut the comlink by sending their precise coordinates.

The comlink conversation lasted but a few astroseconds, however, it felt like the whole time in the world had passed for the golden mech. Sunstreaker still couldn't tear away his shocked optics from her innocent face.

Goldstreak's POV

It shocked me, to say the least, to see how instantaneously Sunstreaker's face paled at the mention of Silvershot.

I tried making a joke out of it, to cut the awkward silence. "What? The big bad Sunstreaker is afraid of my older brother?" I lightly slapped his forearm in an effort to pull him out of his entranced daze, forcing a chuckle out of me.

Unfortunately, my attempted joke fell on deaf ears. Sunstreaker didn't make a sound. His optics were glued to me, unblinking.

I started feeling the butterflies in my stomach, but the anxious kind, like something was wrong. "You're freaking me out, Sunstreaker." I said as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, light shivers rising from my stomach to my sparkchamber. Something was definitely wrong, I just didn't know what.

The sudden sound of thudding footsteps through the hallways diverted my attention from the golden mech in front of me. Ratchet emerged from the corner of the hallway, and I knew that the medic was rushing to an emergency. I already pressed myself against the wall, to get out of the way, wondering who he might have been running to. But I didn't expect him to stop in front of me.

That's weird.

"Ratchet?" I asked confusedly. "Is everything okay?"

Ratchet tried hiding his panting breaths and overworked engine. "Goldstreak," he took a large breath, "I need you to come to the medbay with me. Now."

"Why?" I inquired.

He tried looking calm, however, there was pure discomfort written all over his face. "There are some tests I need to do."

"Can't they wait until morning?" I said, but then realized that the sun must have been up by now. "I mean, later in the morning?"

"No." Ratchet said sharply, suddenly grabbing my arm and suddenly pulling me towards him.

Those same anxious butterflies intensified their dance in my stomach. Sunstreaker's awfully odd behavior, coupled with Ratchet's urgency to take me to the medbay made me immediately become uncooperative. There was something going on here that neither of them wanted to let me in on.

Ratchet's sharp tug of my arm caused sharp pain in my socket, and I yelled out. "I'm not going!" I ripped my arm forcefully out of Ratchet's hand, glaring at him.

Sunstreaker instantly barked at the medic. "Don't manhandle her!" He growled protectively. "She's perfectly capable of going on her own."

My sparkbeat picked up the pace in the meantime, and my breaths were getting faster. Ratchet was never this pushy with me. "I'm not going." I assertedly said.

What was going on here?

Ratchet tried regaining his composure. "Goldstreak, if you do not come with me immediately, I will have no choice but to call Prime."

I squinted my optics in confusion. There's certainly no way in pit that I'm going now. "What does this have to do with Optimus?" I shook my head. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you or why you-" I casted a sharp, nasty look at Sunstreaker, "look like you've seen a ghost for the past 10 clicks." I crossed my arms defensively. "Besides," I looked back to Ratchet, "who called you here, anyway?"

Ratchet unintentionally glanced at Sunstreaker, but I caught the look.

I turned myself to Sunstreaker, anger mixing with anxiety in my stomach. I felt slightly betrayed by his action. Were we not having a lovely time, all night, in the forest? So then why did he have to call Ratchet to destroy that wonderful time? "You called him? Why? There's no emergency."

"You don't understand-" Sunstreaker started saying, but I cut him off. I was getting angrier.

"You're right, I don't. Because you're not telling me anything! One minute everything's fine, and as soon as I mention Silvershot, you freeze like a statue!" I raised my voice, my anger getting the better part of me. "Why are you so afraid of him? He's not that bad."

This time, it was Ratchet who was shocked.

What was wrong with these mechs?

"I have to call Optimus." Ratchet mumbled quietly, and his optics dimmed as he opened a comlink.

"What?!" I shrieked out. Was nobody listening to me? "Why are you calling Optimus? What is he going to do, force me to go to the medbay?" I yelled, becoming more frustrated with every passing minute. "Look, I'll go back into my quarters if you don't want me outside, but I just can't understand what kind of problem you have with Silv-"

I was cut off midsentence by the sound of heavy footsteps, rushing towards us. When we all whipped our heads towards the source of the sound, we saw Optimus coming closer, looking down on us, unhappy at the scene he was witnessing.

"Prime." We all said in unison.

"What is going on here?" He looked slightly angry at us. "What is the meaning of this yelling?" He sent all three of us a glare.

Ratchet spoke up before I could. "Optimus, she needs to go to the medbay."

"Did you not finish all of your tests?" Optimus asked him.

It was visible that Ratchet wanted to speak out loud, however, he transferred his discussion to a private comlink. At this point, I didn't even care what he was telling Optimus. All I cared about was not going into the medbay until someone explained to me coherently what in the pit was going on here.

"I'm not going into the medbay again." I said and crossed my arms defensively, looking to the side.

"Goldstreak," Prime said to me, "let us go into your quarters. The hallway is not the place to hold important discussions."

What was he talking about?

"What important discussions?" My eyebrows knitted in confusion as I looked at him.

Prime bowed his head slightly and narrowed his optics, giving me a stern look. It felt like I was being scolded non-verbally.

"Goldstreak, just go into your room." Sunstreaker said lowly.

Grudgingly, I obliged, wondering how in the pit I got myself into this situation. I punched in the code to my quarters and the door slid open, revealing just how empty they were. The three mechs entered after me and the door locked behind them.

I turned my back around to face them, putting my hands on my hips. "Will someone care to tell me what the pit is going on?" I stared at them with raised eyebrows. "First," I pointed my digit at Sunstreaker, my tongue quicker than my head. "You take me out after curfew, then you tell Ratchet for some reason that I'm crazy and that he needs to do more of his annoying tests on me, and secondly, you-!" I pointed the same finger at Ratchet this time. "You start pulling at my arm as if you are a sparkling, and then you bring Optimus Prime into this!"

Sunstreaker raised his hands up, extending his arms out midway towards me placate me. "That's not what happened, Gold, I promise." He said gently.

Ratchet glared at Sunstreaker. "You took her out after curfew?"

Sunstreaker looked at me in an attempt to reassure me, pointing his finger at Ratchet. "See? He didn't even know!"

"I know now!" Ratchet growled and looked at Sunstreaker angrily. "There's a reason for that curfew, you dumbass! No one should be outside their quarters after curfew because of the…!"

I spaced out after hearing what he said.

No one should be out after curfew?

But then…

I looked around behind me in my quarters. There was nobody here but the four of us.

Where is my brother?

Where is Silvershot?

"Enough." Prime cut the bickering swiftly. He took in a deep breath, his gaze directed at the ground. He looked as if he was regretting something, something that I have not been aware of. "Obviously, we haven't been handling her situation very well." He gave Ratchet a stern look. "She should have had more rest."

All optics turned to him.

My situation?

Optimus looked at me and continued with genuine care in his optics and voice. "You have suffered through a lot, Goldstreak. Perhaps we should have taken it slower with you."

The Prime continued to talk, but his words became muffled as I mulled over what Ratchet previously said. My quarters were empty, meaning that Silvershot wasn't here. And if he wasn't here, that means he was outside. Which could only mean that he wasn't where he was supposed to be.

Why weren't any of them worried about where my brother was?

For the first time in what felt like forever, I wanted to open a comlink with him. However, there was no registered user with his name. Having no other choice, I searched for him in our sibling bond.

Instantly, my spark dropped in my stomach.

It wasn't the fact that he was not responding that caused small hints of panic to form in my head. His part of the bond had… frayed away.

Cold shivers went down my spine at the mere thought of that. Maybe it was just an error of some kind?

My fear only expanded from there, since sibling bonds were never erroneous. After searching for him deeply inside the bond, and receiving the same frayed out end, my body started trembling lightly. The sound of my energon pumping pounded in my audios. Before I realized it, I felt my hands shaking, growing colder by the astrosecond. I searched deeper in the bond for Silvershot, for any trace of him, however, all that I managed to find was a dark emptiness, one that had been void for what seemed like millennia.

My spark raced panically and my breathing shallowed. I tried searching for Silvershot in our sibling bond once more, but to no avail. He was gone from the bond.

Why couldn't I reach him?!

Chills and dizziness intensified to the point that my feet started tingling, and the sensation only kept climbing up. My knees started trembling to the point of giving out, and I crashed sideways on the birth next to me.

The only thing that shook me from my state of fear was when I saw Sunstreaker next to me, enveloping his hand around my forearm, to help me stand back up. "Are you okay?"

I looked at him with wide optics and a slightly agape mouth.

Why couldn't I find my brother?

Ratchet immediately showed up by my side, scanning my frame, grimacing as he did so. "Ratchet, I-I don't understand. If all bots need to be indoors after curfew…" They all looked at me, but my gaze was fixated on Ratchet. "Then where is Silvershot?" I said through gritted teeth, desperately trying to hide the overwhelming sense of dread in my voice. My throat became so dry and tight, that gulping down felt like swallowing knives.

I wasn't prepared for the cold silence that ensued after my question. The air became so thin it felt like all the oxygen in the room disappeared. The silence was deafening. For three very vocal mechs, they stood eerily silent, staring at me with shocked optics.

Shivers went up from my stomach to my arms, all the way to my torso, where it stung at my chest like a thousand pins and needles.

Where is my brother?!

"Your brother, Silvershot?" Ratchet asked wide-eyed, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, and I could clearly hear the dryness of his throat from the shock.

Why was he so shocked to hear his name?

"Yes! Where is he, Ratchet?" I struggled to speak because my throat was getting tighter by the second, and tears started forming in my optics. Why was nobody looking for him? I couldn't even feel that he was alive in the bond! "You said that everyone had to be in their quarters after curfew, so why is he not here?!" Anger and fear dripped in my words as the horrendous feeling of dread and helplessness baffling my mind.

Like a black fire, anxiety started burning me from the bottom of my tank up. In just astroseconds, it started engulfing me as I breathed shallowly. A cloud of confusion and despair started appearing in my processor and optics, and I started feeling utterly lost. I felt like I could throw up.

"Where is he?!" I yelled at him. "I just talked to him yesterday!"

The three mechs turned their heads towards each other, and then Ratchet turned his head towards me slowly. "Goldstreak." He gulped, voice dry from shock. "Have you been seeing Silvershot?"

Was he kidding me?

"He's my brother." I blatantly said. "We share these quarters." I added gruffly. "It's impossible to not see him." I shrugged, and then I got angry. This was such a waste of time! Why was he being so slow? "Silvershot could be in danger! Why aren't you looking for him?!" I raised my voice at them, my frame becoming more rigid by the second. "Instead of doing something useful, you're in my quarters, wasting time berating me while you could be out there looking for him!" My emotions were all over the place, and everything that I said came out so sharply, so angrily.

Their lack of reaction told me there was something very wrong.

Sunstreaker's mouth hung open, his voice barely above a whisper, "Oh, Primus."

None of them dared move a muscle. Their ice blue optics were fixated on me and I felt as though I was being stripped down to my protoform. "You're freaking me out." I told them, wanting nothing more than to leave these four walls of silence.

I knew that I had to come to terms with the fact that they would not leave me alone until I complied to go with them to the medbay. I was not ready to go that easily. I tried calming myself down by closing my optics and taking in a deep breath of air.

When I opened my optics, my breath caught in my throat.

The blue optics that once belonged to Sunstreaker, Optimus and Ratchet were suddenly replaced by three pairs menacing, red optics, with nothing but pure blackness surrounding them. My fast and irregular sparkbeat rose up to my throat, pulsing as I tried to swallow in my dry throat. I scurried away from the berth and Sunstreaker's hold, closing my optics out of fear. When I opened them again, the friendly blue optics returned before me, looking completely baffled.

I grabbed my head with both hands, which started achingly pulsing to the same rhythm of my irregular sparkbeat. The headache came on strong.

I'm going insane.

Sunstreaker extended his arm towards me, concern written all over his beautiful face. He took a step toward me, with an obvious intent to help me.

I took a step back, and blinked rather involuntarily.

When my optics opened, the scene before me switched to utter darkness, with three pairs of red optics approaching me, and a malicious black arm extended towards me.

"No!" I shrieked out frightenedly. I tried blinking again, hoping it would make the scene go away, but the red optics kept coming closer and I could not find the Autobots. I scurried all the way to the back of my quarters until my back hit the wall and I slid down, with no strength to get back up. My spark pounded in my audios. I had nowhere else to go. "Get away from me!"

As petrified as I was, there was something utterly familiar about this scene, as though I had already lived it before, a very long time ago.

As the fear rose up to my throat, I remembered it. It was that fateful night back in streets of Praxus, when I was still a young bot, just having enrolled in the Autobot Boot Camp on Cybertron. Three mechs from the boot camp, with those piercing red optics, chased me malevolently. I tried fighting them with all that I had, hard and bravely, but my tiny frame was no match for them and their strength. I was pinned down, I couldn't shake them off of me, I was helpless…

The voice dripped in malice, slowly slurring my name as it spoke. "Goldstreak…" The voice growled towards me as a pair of red optics kept coming closer to me.

I knew that that was the night that I was raped by them. Their names came to my mind as if I had never forgotten them: Raidspark, Metalface, and Fireblaster.

The fear rose up so high in my throat that I felt that I could vomit. I didn't want to go through this again!

Maybe this time, if I shouted loud enough, my brother could come before it was too late?

With all the strength that I had in my voice, I closed my optics and shrieked out. "SILVERSHOT!"

My scream echoed through the room and well into the hallways of the base.

There was a loud thud followed by a short screech, as if metal had penetrated metal, a couple of feet away from where I was standing.

I opened my optics widely, breathing through my mouth to get as much air in to calm my overheating systems.

Blue optics returned, albeit petrified, and they stared at Sunstreaker, who was standing against the center of the wall.

My sword was jabbed into the wall just inches above his head.

I stared at Sunstreaker, too shocked to form words. I was met with his shocked blue optics, neither of us daring to blink.

Did I do this…?

I looked down at my right hand, finding the sword compartment open and empty.

I glanced back up to Sunstreaker, who was still panting heavily, although quietly. A mech of such ego would do anything to preserve it in the face of others.

"I-I…" I stammered, optics frantically darting from Ratchet to Optimus to Sunstreaker.

My looked down on hands that started becoming cold and stiffer to move.

How do I say I'm sorry for almost decapitating you?

When I looked back up, there was a fourth mech in the corner of the room, looking at me silently.

That was odd. I didn't even hear him enter.

But I couldn't have cared less. It was the familiar face that I couldn't have waited to see.

My optics lit up after seeing my savior. A grin of hope spread on my face as I ran towards him. "Silvershot!" I exclaimed.

Ratchet, Sunstreaker and Optimus traced my moves with their optics.

As I came close to Silvershot, I went in for a hug. He started backpedaling away from me, but he was too slow.

I enveloped my arms around him.

I froze.

Silvershot's face was looking to the side, ashamed to look at me.

I looked down on my hands, wanting to reach for him, but I was too afraid to be grasping at nothing.

"W-What…?" I whispered in shock, frantically looked from my hands to my brother. "What is this?" I barely managed to say as I took a step back from my brother. My audios started echoing static, as though they were malfunctioning. My hands turned as cold as lifeless metal.

Silvershot didn't dare look at me. His head was turned to the side, a sad expression written across his face.

I looked to Ratchet, Sunstreaker and Optimus, who did nothing but stare at me, petrified at what they were seeing.

I couldn't have been the only one seeing this.

"Is this some kind of joke to you?" My voice started trembling as I stared at the three bots on my side. I went to reach for Silvershot, my hand sliding through his frame with nothing to touch. "Turn off this hologram!" The shakiness in my voice increased as I started yelling. "This isn't a joke. This isn't funny!" My voice cracked at the end as it raised by a few octaves. My throat started tightening, as if someone's hands were around my neck, intent on suffocating me.

"Goldstreak." Optimus mustered the bravery to speak. "There is no one there."

My wide optics looked at him with dismay. "No!" I shrieked and shook my head frantically. "This is some kind of sick joke you're playing on me!" Burning tears started forming in my optics as I frantically looked at all of the bots. "Turn off the hologram!" I bellowed.

The bots just watched in horror the heartbreaking scene in front of them.

"Goldstreak." Ratchet said as calmly as he possibly could. "There is no hologram."

"Why would you do this to me?" I said, finally gathering the strength to grasp at the unphysical form of my brother. My hand went straight through him, trembling while hot tears fell down my cheeks. "This isn't funny." I choked out, my mouth completely dry. "This isn't funny." I repeated, more desperately. "Where is Silvershot?" I turned my head towards the mechs so quickly that the tears from my optics fell sideways to the ground. "Where is my brother?!" I shrieked out as I grabbed my head.

It felt as though any astrosecond now that my helm was going to explode.

Sunstreaker timidly stepped forward, taking the plunge. "Gold," It took him all he had to choke out the words, "He is dead."

Nausea took over me as soon as he spoke out. The weight of his words slammed into me like a freight train.

This is why he was missing from the bond.

He wasn't just missing. He was dead.

Silvershot is dead.

My head started feeling too light and my knees shook uncontrollably.

This is why no one could see him.

I wasn't even aware anymore of what was happening around me due to lightheadedness, coupled with a shaking frame, static-filled audios, nausea and a field of vision becoming darker by the astrosecond. Too caught up in my lack of sanity and my biggest fear coming true, I didn't even feel both of my legs give out until I heard a loud crash. Immense pain erupted from my knees hitting the hard ground, soon followed by the rest of my body.

Before my head could meet the hard ground, a pair of golden arms grabbed my upper body and huddled it closer to itself. It felt like my whole body was on fire, and yet, as if the energon in my veins froze.

My memories, previously unknown or unavailable, came back like a whiplash, striking me all at once.

Silvershot's death played in my memories. I remembered how he died. He protected me from a sniper bullet intended for me. I remembered the Academy, the Boot Camp before that, how I saved Sunstreaker's life there, how he saved mine, the mission to find the AllSpark on Earth, the humans whose faith was intertwined with ours, Jazz's death, the fight Sunstreaker and I had in Egypt... and ultimately, the pointblank shot that Megatron directed at me, after which the memory blackout ensued.

But all of it was too much for me. My body could not process the shock, and neither could my processor.

It felt like I was losing Silvershot all over again.

My HUD started showing red alerts. My processor overheating to dangerous levels.

I felt thundering, fast footsteps coming towards me, through the vibrations in the ground. I did not know whether my optics were open or not, all I could see was darkness. Muffled voices spoke in high tones around me, after which the only few words I could make out was "forced stasis" and then I felt the sharp pain of a needle inserted into the energon line on the inside of my forearm. I was conscious for only a few short astroseconds after that.

One day later...

The medbay was awfully quiet and almost empty. With good reason, because Ratchet made sure that all the bots on base were repaired and that nobody had reason to come in.

In the far right corner of the medbay, practically as far away from the entrance as possible, Ratchet moved a medical berth and put a chair next to it. Goldstreak lied still on the berth, and Sunstreaker was next to her, sitting on that metal chair.

Ever since Ratchet induced a forced medical stasis last night on Goldstreak, Sunstreaker did not refuel nor recharge. The golden frontliner never left her side, afraid that he would lose her completely, if he had not until now.

Oddly enough, she wasn't supposed to stay in stasis for this long. However, the medic thought it was best that she woke up on her own, when her processor and frame were aligned to do so. After all, she had a very stressful day yesterday.

"I will call you when she wakes up." Ratchet told the golden mech as he approached him from behind. "You should at least go refuel." It would have been better if the mech distanced himself from his femme for at least some time. That way, Ratchet could have a private conversation in the medbay with Optimus, who he was expecting to arrive any moment now.

"I don't want to leave her side." The mech shrugged with his back turned to Ratchet.

"She may be overwhelmed by your presence when she wakes up, on top of everything that has happened to her already." Ratchet told him candidly. "You may want to loosen your grip on her over the next couple of days, Sunstreaker".

Sunstreaker sent him a sharp glare. "Who else would I hold onto, if not her?" He put her hand in both of his and lightly squeezed. His optics turned towards her closed ones. "She is my best grip in this world."

Ratchet repressed a sad sigh, knowing how much it meant to Sunstreaker than she was alive. At least it helped keep his sanity in check, more or less. Just as he turned to leave, he heard Sunstreaker murmuring to the asleep Goldstreak. "This love… it's all you and I have. So please stay." He softly spoke as he caressed her limp hand.

The medic couldn't help but overhear. "Real love stays, Sunstreaker." Ratchet said and Sunstreaker turned his head towards him. "Every time. It always stays." He said with a hint of a smile and walked away, giving them the space they needed, or rather, the space that Sunstreaker needed, and heard Optimus arrive as the doors slid open.

"I assumed we would be having a private conversation." Optimus said in a very quiet voice, as to not disturb the golden mech, who was obviously experiencing a plethora of painful emotions.

"Perhaps it's best that he stays with her, after all." Ratchet replied just as quietly as the two tall mechs moved to the part of the medbay completely opposite from where the two golden bots were. "It's impossible to separate him anyway." The medic sighed defeatedly.

"Sunstreaker has been impeccably strong through this period. I feared that he would lose his sanity." Optimus quietly said to the medic. "It takes incredible strength to survive what he went through."

Ratchet observed Sunstreaker distantly. "You know as well as I do, Optimus." The yellow-green Autobot turned his head towards the Autobot leader. "In all the universe, there is no more desperate creature than one on the verge of losing love. He may look strong, but on the inside, he is falling apart. This is killing him."

Optimus solemnly shook his head. "I am sorry that we cannot alleviate the pain he is feeling." He said as he and Ratchet each took a seat near a desk. "However, we need to discuss the events of yesterday." He said in a serious voice. "How did we not think that she may have been seeing Silvershot?"

Ratchet shook his head and gave a small shrug. "She gave me no signs of hallucination. No one ever reported anything suspicious in that direction and she seemed absolutely fine on the outside."

"How can we be certain that she is mentally fine now?" Optimus asked.

Ratchet didn't know what to say. "There are no tests for that, Optimus, as you already know. All we can do is wait for her to wake up and speak to her then."

Prime nodded and slowly got up from his chair. "Keep me posted, Ratchet."

Ratchet gave a short and firm nod. "Always." Optimus left the medbay shortly.

"Ratchet, she's waking up." Sunstreaker said in a slightly louder tone, just loud enough so that his voice could carry over the medbay.

The medic hurried to the medical berth where Goldstreak was peacefully lying on, checking her vitals and performing basic scans to make sure that she was functioning just fine.

"Goldstreak, this is Ratchet, your medic." Ratchet calmly said as he waited for her to come out of her stasis.

She hazily opened her optics and caught sight of the two mechs in front of her. "I know who you are." She musted. However, as soon as she felt Sunstreaker's hand in hers, she pulled away.

Ratchet couldn't help but notice how the golden mech's spark shattered at the action. Once the medic made sure that her vitals were fine, he left the medbay to allow them the privacy they needed.

Goldstreak crossed her fingers and brought them up to her chest.

"What's wrong?" Sunstreaker said, optics filled with sadness that she refrained from touching him.

Goldstreak was not sure what was worse. Was it the fact that she still felt betrayed because Sunstreaker called the two most important bots on base to witness her humiliation? Was it the fact that she had to relive the emotions of her brother's death? Or was it because of the nervous breakdown that she had between the three bots?

However, one thing was true. It was definitely a mix of all of the humiliating and exhausting events of yesterday that took a heavy toll on her mind and body. She wanted some privacy to herself, at least for a little while.

"You don't have to worry about me." Goldstreak said to Sunstreaker, turning her head away from him. Somehow, the wall seemed more interesting to her than the face plates of the mech who loved her dearly. "I don't want to be a burden on top of everything." She flatly said, struggling to keep a levelled voice despite the anxiety and the hurt that was tearing her apart from the inside.

"I'll never stop worrying about you." Sunstreaker responded, taking her hand from her chest and enclasping it with his other one. Her blue optics met his. "And it's never a burden." He stared deep into her optics, trying to show her just how much he cared. "You're too important to me."

She turned her head towards him this time. "I think you should go." She said flatly.

Sunstreaker's brows furrowed in sadness. "Why?"

It broke her heart to see him so sad. "I think it's time for you to go." She turned her head again towards the wall. "I'd like to rest."

Sunstreaker shifted in his seat. "I can be silent-"

"Alone." She cut him off.

A couple of moments passed before Sunstreaker processed what she told him. "Fine." Reluctantly, he got up off the seat and started walking out of the medbay.

Author's note:

Wow, this has been one crazyyyy journey, you guys! It's been a life-changing 7.5 years of writing this beautiful fanfic.

It's a shame that about 3 years ago, I lost my muse for all kinds of writing. School became more important, boyfriends, family. A whole lot of stuff happened in my personal life, things that I never could have imagined. Some good, some bad. But I never wanted to stop writing Golden Gods.

Which is exactly the reason why, after almost 2 full years, this update came out.

My original plan for Golden Gods was to have it progress onto DOTM, AOE and even TLK, but seeing as my muse is gone, I don't see that happening anymore.

Considering the fact that I am now a college graduate and that I'm on the job hunt, I'm hoping that with a somewhat clearer schedule (meaning no exams I gotta cram for) that I'll still be able to work on fanfic projects.

I really hope you all enjoyed this story so far, and perhaps I'll make little one shots on the side. I genuinely feel sad for not being able to progress this story as much as I intentionally planned.

I'm not sure when the next update will be out. There's a couple of more plot twists and turns that I plan on putting here, and I hope that I will get to complete this story in the way that I intended it to (except without DOTM, AOE and TLK continuations). There's still a couple of more chapters that I want to produce, to give this story the ending that it deserves, and the ending that I always imagined.

So, here's a HUGE thank you to all of you that stuck so far with this story, and I genuinely thank you for being with me. Know that I won't give up on this story until I complete it!

Please do let me know what you think of it. I love reading your reviews.

Written: November 12th, 2021