Chapter 8:
Slipping out from between Bronwyn and Roselinen, Finn pulled on a robe and his slippers and padded out into the private car's little parlor. He'd enjoyed his vacation, but there was a whole lot of work that he'd been ducking. He needed to catch up on what was going on in the Empire of Ooo. Flicking on the light, he was startled to find himself staring at Orzsebet. The Agent Princess was sitting in his chair, her legs crossed, and one elegant hand resting on her swollen belly. She looked ready to pop. Frieda had already given birth, and Drew had forced Kara to stand down.
Finn's eyes flicked down to the desk-drawer to find that she'd been attempting to jimmy the lock open. Rolling his eyes, the big man demanded, "do you ever quit?" Stroking her belly, the wench airily announced, "since I was forbidden from working, my skills have been growing stale, Your Majesty." Climbing to her feet, the saucy slut came sauntering across the room. That butt was definitely bigger, giving her a lot more swing than she'd had.
Stopping in his space, the skinny little bitch said, "I've some news." She was wearing perfume. A corner of his mind remembered that spies didn't wear perfume. It was pretty hard to sneak into places when people could smell you. "Lay it on me," Finn replied. Nodding at the rear door, she said, "let's talk... outside." She didn't trust his wives, but Finn had gotten an earful about that from Rosie, Cherry, and Betty already.
The King of Ooo followed his wayward mistress out onto the deck at the rear of the train. His bodyguard didn't like this, but Finn always figured that the odds of someone being camped out on the side of the tracks in just the right position as his train went roaring by was pretty freakin' remote. Shutting the door behind him, Finn said, "ok. What've you got?"
Staring back down the track in the direction they'd come from, the Agent Princess declared, "they're calling themselves Insight..." Taking a breath, she said, "the FIRM is gone, Your Majesty. My organization is irreparably broken." There was an undercurrent of regret there. On his side, Finn thought this was for the better. Those people couldn't really be trusted, could they?
"Where's Gumbald," he asked? "Still don't know," Orzsebet admitted. "Gordon's keeping him close. I suspect that they're moving him. They're getting help from outside their organization." Finn frowned at those words, the darkness making his expression terrifying. "I shut down most of the resources they had access to," explained the Lady of Spies. "How do you know they didn't get the money already," Finn retorted. Orzsebet chuckled, "because it's a lot of money, Finn. When you're running an organization like mine, you don't keep your money in something imaginary, like bonds. You keep it... tangible."
She was talking about gold and jewels. Orzsebet's FIRM had been quietly stashing away treasure from their dirty dealings as long as Bonnie and Marcie had been alive. It made Finn's head spin to think of just how much money this woman had and just how much damage Gordon Wells could be doing. "Are you sure," he demanded? Her expression told him she was fibbing, just a little.
The King of Ooo got in her face, and the Lady of Spies began to tremble. Somehow, she'd never quite managed to lie to Finn in all the years they'd known each other. Reaching out, the big man took her newly-youthful face in his big right hand. "We will take steps to secure the FIRM's legacy," the King declared. "That's for the future. I need an accounting of anything and everything Gordon could have, my Lady. Do that for me..." "I-it will be as you ask, Your Majesty," she stammered.
Stepping back from him, the skinny spy-girl said, "there's more. Gordon's... He's making moves in the West. There's been a lot of airship traffic out of Wax-Hustler Island, and a couple of my people disappeared in the West." Where they were already weak. Finn grimaced. It wasn't good news. More to the point, he had a pretty good idea just what they were snooping around. "I need the Rocket-Base intact, Orzsebet," Finn rumbled. "I want a team on the ground there. I don't need them fighting people. I need them fingering anybody who might be from the other side." The Lady of Spies nodded. "Is there else," he asked?
"We found a town, Your Majesty," Orzsebet rumbled. Her eyes flicked to his, and her face was clouded in fear. "This isn't your fault," Finn said. "The blame lies with my family. What did you find?" In a cold monotone that spoke of her worry, the Agent Princess told him what her agents had described. Finn felt his hackles go up as she described a town full of the mad where people had been rendered into meatheads by some mysterious force. "Dum-dum juice," Finn muttered.
"They were building some sort of machine," Orzsebet explained. "I think it was the weapon you feared he'd build." "Did they finish it," Finn asked? "Unknown," the Agent Princess replied. "We found scattered piece-parts. They left in a hurry. I think they bailed when you caught Melinda." "Gordon would know she'd rat them out," Finn muttered. They might have been able to catch Gumbald in the act if Jay hadn't decided to turn his back. He wanted to wring his son's neck.
Taking a breath, the Agent Princess said, "the Committee... what's left of it... wanted to sell this piece of information, Your Majesty. I give it to you in token..." Turning to face him, the skinny girl said, "they're going to hit at your southern flank. Not sure where or when, but something big is coming. It... I think it may be Gumbald's weapon. It's... They're planning some sort of limited strike–something to maybe gain resources now I've cut them off. Your missing rogues are mixed into the business somehow."
Finn studied her for a moment, feeling the terror that was within her. The big man grabbed her short locks and pulled her face to his with his strong left hand. As he stole a kiss from his pretty toy, his right hand stroked the bulge in her middle. "Drew will be waiting for you in the palace," Finn said. "You're to go home and stay there. Do not disobey me, my Lady." The spy-girl shivered. "I expect to be back in a few days," he said. Orzsebet felt heat come to her face. He intended to be there for the birth. It was at once everything she hoped–to be valued–and something terrifying all at once. Her freedom was shrinking. She was being consumed–just like the others. As if in confirmation of that, the big man said, "come inside and go to bed. You can sleep in the spare room."
Hours later, the train clattered to a stop in the mountain town of Clusone. Orzsebet awakened to find the Royal Household going about the business of preparing for the day. The half-bear had just emerged from the shower, and she was pulling on a sexy black dress over her heavy, milky knockers. The strange pillow-person, Roselinen, was hovering over Finn, who was sitting in that chair. Glancing up to find the Informer there, Roselinen turned up her nose and told her, "go and wash. We've arrived." Just like that. Orzsebet fought down the urge to cuss her.
The skinny spy-girl took her time. By the time she emerged from the little bathroom, the others were outside on the platform where she'd met with Finn the night before. Sauntering up the length of the car, she stopped in the doorway, finding the tall man standing out there on the platform giving a speech. The sight–and sound–of that was a little jarring. Of course, she knew about all the changes. He spoke in his usual folksy way, almost as though he were bantering with the people in his audience. He was the same friendly fellow who'd shook hands and broken bread everywhere he went, rescuing the needy from the rough life of a peasant in Ooo and from their own mistakes. At the same time, Orzsebet could tell the difference. The diction, the tone, and the pacing were jarringly different. He didn't stop and stammer. His jokes and his words were much too polished. At the same time, the audience was eating it up. But they didn't know him intimately the way she did.
Around the deck, the King's Royal Bodyguards formed a barrier, keeping the people from getting too close. A couple of burly men in the audience who looked much too fit to be locals, suggested there was even more security here. The Lady of Spies picked out half a dozen in close attendance. His people were getting better. The time for a man like Gordon to change the course of the world by taking out its would-be tyrant was closing.
Orzsebet found herself becoming more comfortable with her situation. Gordon wasn't Finn's type, while she was well placed to take advantage of Finn's ascendance. It was ironic, but her former mentors would have been far better served backing Finn and using Orzsebet as their stalking horse to get close to him. They wouldn't have been able to control him any more than the rest of his mad household, but they would have had influence instead of being on the outside and at risk of getting butchered.
Talking of the importance of bringing growth and prosperity to all his people, the big man promised that the folk of the high mountain valleys would no longer be forgotten folk. The King of Ooo would be engaging with their leaders to make sure their homelands were no longer pariahs controlled by bandits and worse. It was a very pretty speech, and it had all the plebs cheering the big man. Of course, they had no way of knowing just how hard it would be for their savior to keep those promises. Orzsebet knew. His Majesty was making big promises that he would be struggling to keep for years to come with red on the ledger and Elbow Kingdom still in ruins.
Done with his speech, the big man left the stage at the end of the car. Immediately the butler began reconfiguring the little parlor into a dining room, telling the Lady of Spies that the King was planning to have a breakfast meeting with the local nobles. Roselinen was in her element, organizing the business and making sure that everything was setup just the way she wanted. Orzsebet did her best to stay out of the way. There was a train that was leaving at noon, and she was supposed to be on it.
As the clock struck nine, a small army of Purple peeps came sauntering in, with a few lizardfolk, a couple of Elbownians, and even an envoy from across the sea in Laurel Kingdom rounding out the group. Bronwyn directed them to chairs, seating them according to their status. His Majesty put aside what he'd been working on, rose from his desk, and joined the gathering, with Orzsebet settling herself down at the end of the table. The skinny spy-girl found herself seated across from a bear-woman who's face seemed surprisingly familiar. No sooner had the King's butt hit the seat, than his wife clapped her hands, summoning the servers. It was going to be an interesting morning.
Hundreds of miles to the east, the wizard, Astartes, rose from the rough cot that was all she'd been able to get last night. Her current rough circumstances were about as far from the lifestyle of a Royal as it was possible to get, and she almost wanted to laugh when she thought about the baby occupying her middle. Someday, maybe she'd be able to share the joke. In the right now, she had to try again to get onto a ship.
She'd been making a lot of mistakes lately, and she imagined a lot of that was sleep deprivation. Unfortunately, those mistakes had been very costly. She'd accidentally set fire to her rented room twice on the journey here, waking up to find flames licking at her bed twice. She was more careful now, having put out the fire in the stove and doused all the candles in the room just to be sure she didn't fuck up. Unfortunately, her mistakes had gotten her kicked off the train in a podunk town in the middle of nowhere. She'd missed the ship she was supposed to ride, and she was afraid she'd have trouble catching another. Gotta' keep it together, she thought.
The little woman gathered on her clothes once more, hiding her dangerous little secret under a bulky dress and coat. Her phone had a half-hundred messages on it, and ironically a lot of them were from Tallulah. She hadn't idea the first why the little bitch would be calling her, and she wasn't interested in hearing what she had to say. After today, it wouldn't really be a problem anymore anyway because she'd be outside of the range of the network. Shoving the phone into her pocket, the curvy nymph headed for the door.
Elsewhere in the town, two figures got down from a hotshot express train that had come roaring through the mountains, forcing the shunting of freights and passenger trains alike. It was the sort of thing that nobody in the area could ever recall seeing, and it made many of the people in the town very nervous. That sort of thing suggested the occupants of the train had pull with some really important peeps.
The two women couldn't have been more different. While most faces were focused on the little nymph with her lush little bottom and plump knockers, more than a few found themselves checking out the slim dog-girl with her long, blonde hair. As the pair strode up the street, Star Mertens announced, "Wicked Step-Mom says that there's a crooked ship headed for the Rat Lands east of Emerald Kingdom this morning. That's where she'll be." Jake Junior nodded. They were close. The manifest of the train showed their mark had been kicked off in a village to the west, forcing her to walk the rest of the way to the coast.
They needed to hustle, but Jake found that Dr. P's words were all too prophetic. She was wiped out, making it hard just to keep up with Star. Whatever Nagoono had done to her, it was taking quite a bit to let go. You shouldn't have come, she thought. It was the voice of survival deep inside her–the voice of the monster. The monster wanted to know why she was risking her life here on somebody who was a nothing. She had a ready answer for that though. Salvation. She had a lot of red on the ledger just now. This was a chance to wipe some of it clean.
The boat was of half-wood construction, with steel plates meant to strengthen the lower part of the hull against grounding and collisions with debris or ice. The upper works were wood to make the ship lighter and cheaper to make. It was the sort of cheap ass ship that smugglers and ne'er-do-wells used. If the ship went down, their backers weren't giving up much. The cargoes were small, and such ships often took on passengers who were looking to travel, no questions asked. It was the perfect ship for their fugitive.
Star scanned the scene, taking in the sights of the few crewmen loading the ship alongside the small crowd at the shack that passed for a ticket booth. Knowing that their mark used illusions to get herself out of trouble, the wizard was wary now. They were close. They didn't need the wizard getting on the boat because they'd have to drag her back off again, possibly with the pirates having a say in the matter, and Star did not want to go to the Rat Lands.
"Bad," asked Jake? Oddly enough, she'd never really traveled much in spite of or because of her job as Cherry's lieutenant. Star grimaced. The Rat Lands were the roughest of the rough. The lands in question were southeast of Grid Face Kingdom, and the place was known for unleashing nameless horrors on the land from time to time. More to the point, it was on the edge of the lawless lands that her father controlled in name only. Their power to force the wizard to go with them would be even less there than it was here.
As Jake digested those words, Star suddenly stepped off. She'd seen something. Jake knew there was no time for flapping her gums, and she hustled after the wizard, even though she really wanted to just go lay down. It appeared that her former in-law and henchman had found the mark.
Indeed, there were two more sets of eyes watching the little woman standing in front of the ticket-shack. A pair of sinister eyes watched from among a stack of crates, while a second pair of eyes watched from a bonfire of all things. Masia Okonski had been trailing this little bitch for the better part of a week, though she too had missed her in the Candy Kingdom's train-station. Playing a hunch, she'd gone to Wizard City and picked up the trail there by sneaking into the bitch's apartment and combing through the dregs of her belongings to figure out where she might have gone. That had gotten her the receipt for the train ticket, and then the chase was one.
Trouble was, her patron wanted this done quietly. Masia wasn't really used to that. Quiet wasn't her forte. She'd tried setting fires in the bitch's room at night and even lighting the train on fire too, but the wizard was one lucky little cunt, because one waterbag or another was forever discovering the fire and dousing it, though she had gotten the bitch kicked off the train. Now, the elemental was staring at some pretty long odds. If this bitch got out on the water... Kill her, Masia, the elemental thought. You can explain it later. If this bitch got away, there would be hell to pay.
Astartes was reaching for her purse when she heard somebody call her name. An icy dagger of fear plunged into her heart, and the little woman spun around, reaching for the power as she did so. She found herself facing a wood-nymph with peculiar yellow hair, who came dressed in black leathers. At her side was a dog dressed in ratty blue-jeans and a tee-shirt. Astartes sized the pair up. How did they know her? Were they Cenobia's agents? Cenobia didn't think much of wood-nymphs.
As the three women stared at each other, with Star pondering how to convince this woman to come quietly, the street began to thin out. This was the kind of town where people stayed out of each other's business. Doing anything else could get your throat cut. Just as Star opened her mouth to speak, a terrifying elemental stepped out of the bonfire that the dockworkers had been using. Growing to a terrifying ten feet tall, the fearsome creature jabbed a finger at the water-nymph and hurled an incandescent bolt of flame.
The world exploded just then. Jake Junior reached out with her stretchy-powers, snatched the nymph off the ground and hurled her bodily out of the line of fire. The bolt of flame missed the nymph, but slammed into the shack, killing the two mooks inside. Reacting to the terrifying confirmation that somebody wanted their mark dead, Star snatched a blast-dart out of her belt and hucked it at their foe, following it up with a fire-shield for the mark, and an illusion for herself.
Masia hurled curses at the little bitch, as she hurled another blast of flame and then another. Unfortunately, there were now three wood-nymphs, and none of them seemed to be the real one. Meanwhile, Jake Junior snatched up the target and ran like hell. Rushing behind a warehouse, the shapechanger checked herself over for damage, finding that her left arm was a little scorched but ok. Sticking her head out, she checked up on the raging fight between Star and the elemental, finding that the wood-nymph wonder was holding her own.
Stay or go, Jake, she asked? Stay or go? She had the mark in hand. She could get the wizard back to the train. At the same time, she couldn't exactly run off and leave Star–not after Huntress had basically rescued Liz. "Who are you," demanded Astartes? "I'm with the people saving your ass," Jake retorted. Turning back to the scene at the dock, she saw the elemental dodge back into the bonfire from which she'd come. That was when she felt the prick at her neck. The shapechanger reached up to swat whatever had bitten her, but the drug was already coursing through her veins. Close to her head as the dart had hit her, she was swooning within moments.
Putting her knife to the mark's throat, Me-Mow said, "come with me if you want to live." Before Astartes could react, the killer kitty had taken the wizard's Instrument off her arm and slipped it into a front pocket, rendering Astartes helpless. Whether she was living or dying, she apparently didn't have much choice but to go with this creature.
Back on the dock, Star collapsed the illusion that had been keeping the elemental's fire off her back. The scene around her was a disaster zone. There were multiple casualties, and the dudes who'd been in the shack were burned to a crisp. The freighter that the wizard had been set to board had caught the worst of the damage and sunk at the dock, which was good because the wooden upper structure had caught fire. All around Star were shell-shocked people trying to make sense of what had just happened, and of Junior there was no sign at all.
As the clock struck noon in the Candy Kingdom, Bonnie the Younger's lush bottom touched down on her father's throne. Sitting up straight as a board, arms resting on the chair in mimicry of her sister, the half-breed announced, "good afternoon, everyone. I'll be hosting the meeting today with the help of my sister-in-law, Olesia." The half-breed nodded at the elemental woman, while two rows back, Odessa's face took on a thunderous expression. The bitch had a baby-bump. She wanted to wring Nieve's neck. She would have, if the bitch wasn't hiding out in the elementals' house.
Odessa had been scheming on ways to trim back the ranks of Finn's heirs. It was a tough row to hoe with so many of them, and she halfway thought that was the point that he kept making them. In just a few years, the task would be impossible. There'd be just too many heirs to remove to even think about placing her own picked person on the throne. Her mind had been going to arranging an accident, though. Maybe with Finn's mad flying castle, or perhaps something else. It had to be soon, though. She had to start making a dent because now his sons and daughters were in on the act, having babies of their own. It had just been announced the day before that Fionna was pregnant again with her third child on the way. And now this little bitch was getting in on the act.
Up on the throne, Bonnie was walking through the business of the day. Her father was in Clusone. Work on the site for the reactor was complete. Her brother, William, was down in the Suncoast, and he'd taken possession of the reactor and helped to see it loaded on the train. They were scheduled to begin the journey north and east in the morning. That would see William in Clusone within two days.
"My brother's plan is to stop at night and place guards," she said. "They'll travel in the morning. We have members of the guard taking charge of all the bridges and tunnels along the route." Mr. Thor had been planning this for a fair bit. They were going to make certain that the same forces that tried to murder the King couldn't interfere in the transport of the reactor to its final home.
"And what about my suggestion," demanded Lady Henrietta? "My father is taking it under advisement," Bonnie responded. "He agrees that it is better to share the wealth as much as possible, but the reactor must be established first. After the Empire has gotten industry to work in Clusone, we can make the branches necessary. Is there else? Moving on." Nodding at Olesia, Bonnie sat back on the throne to let the younger woman speak.
"We have news on the outlaw, Gumbald," the elemental announced. Every face there focused on Olesia's pretty face with laser precision. "The Lady of Spies tracked him to a town on the edge of the Empire," Olesia declared. "Unfortunately, the outlaw escaped with assistance from the dissident, Gordon Wells. He left behind an industry that appeared to be manufacturing weapons." Those words brought gasps of fear and dismay from most. Bonnie Mertens' keen eyes focused on those who were not dismayed, and there were a startling number there. It was just as Jay had said before his ugly decision. There were currents in this room that they didn't see and people who meant their father harm.
As Bonnie observed those faces, Olesia dropped the other shoe, announcing, "the population of the town had been forced into servitude using the toxin that Gumbald invented. Now that Wells and Gumbald have abandoned them, we are faced with a humanitarian crisis, as many of those people lack the mental capacity to care for themselves. Her Excellency, the Grand Master of Wizard City, will be journeying to the town with a delegation to render aid."
Several faces there took on ugly looks, and Bonnie heard mutters of complaint about how much this would cost them. It made her angry, and she could see how Lord Woolcot came to be what he was because she wanted to sentence them to life in the dungeon herself. In calm tones, the half-breed declared, "we do not anticipate passing the hat at this time. My stepmother is investigating the needs of these folk, and her hope is to return them to some semblance of sanity and self-sufficiency rather than burdening the Civilized Kingdoms with their upkeep." She couldn't help the grimace of distaste that came from uttering those words–as if those people were a pack of wild hush-puppies moved in under the barn. None of her siblings wanted her father's throne, and she could see why. Strudel moved the business onward. There were many more decisions that needed to get made and a lot more business to discuss.
Back in the east, Jake Jr woke up to find herself laying on the couch in the train, staring up at the ceiling. "You got jumped," Star rumbled. "I'm guessing that since they used a sleeping-dart, they were after her and not you." Jake sat up and rubbed at the back of her neck. It was pretty fucking powerful stuff to take her out so easily. Your healing's off, Jake, she thought, remember? It was looking more and more foolish to come here. She was in the way.
Seeming to guess what Jake was thinking, Star announced, "there's another player." "Me-Mow," Jake muttered. "It has to be Me-Mow. She works with poisons. This was her doing." Which hardly made sense to Star. They'd come here assuming Me-Mow was going to do this Astartes. "That was my guess," Jake reminded her, "because we were both hitters..." Expression bleak, she turned to regard her in-law. "But that doesn't mean those clowns wanted her dead," Star rumbled. She got it. That just made things even more wonky.
Jake Jr turned and put her feet on the floor. She'd smelled something interesting when she'd snatched the wizard away from that rogue elemental. "Star," she announced, "I... I think she may be preggers." The wood-nymph came striding towards her, hips wig-wagging with every step. Looking up at her ex's sister, Jake said, "I'm a dog, Star. I..." "Have an enhanced sense of smell," Star agreed. "Ok. She's pregnant. Why does that matter...?"
"Who's kid is it, Star," Jake demanded? It seemed awful important, and Star found herself worrying at that. "The peeps who hired Me-Mow... They want her alive," Jake rumbled. "For some reason, they want her alive." Star's mind went back to the list that Jake had given them. They'd assumed Tallulah was rubbing Astartes out because she knew too much. "They want the baby," Star muttered. "The baby's important to them. We thought they were rubbing her out, but what if she stole something from them..." "Or somebody else," Jake agreed.
Star began to pace. She had a sinking feeling about this. Rarely was a child of importance to anybody but its parents. Certainly, nobody who wore the rank of 'lord' or 'princess' should give a shit about some nymph's baby. Trouble was, the baby only belonged to Astartes by half. Who was daddy? Jake said, "we can find out from Astartes when we catch up. Right now, we need to figure out where Me-Mow took her." "She's headed west," Star muttered. "Only question is by train or by road."
Astartes has gotten herself in a whole lot of trouble. Desperation makes for really bad decisions, and she's going deeper and deeper into dumb-idea-land. Jake is finding out that she's not immortal. And Finn is doing what he does best-make friends and win hearts. Hopefully the Ice Queen can find a cure for Gumbald's victims before they starve to death.