Chapter 11:
"Glob-dammit," snarled Kim Kil Wan, as he slammed the phone down hard enough to break it! John Hersey grimaced. Apparently the clever plan hadn't gone nearly as well as his boss had thought it would. Sliding his fingers back across the top of his head, Kim took a deep, deep breath. This was very, very bad news. "Sink the Eastern Star," he rumbled. John's jaw came open. That was their biggest and best ship! They couldn't afford to just destroy one of their most important assets! And then it hit him. The Eastern Star had been the ship chosen to move the secret cargo that Kim wouldn't tell him about.
"We need to stop this," John rumbled. "Kim, we need to get out of this business." The dog-icorn cussed him. Insistently, John said, "you're going to bankrupt the company. The other partners..." "I'll deal with the other partners," Kim muttered. Calming himself, the dog-icorn said, "alright. Send the Eastern Star out into the ocean. We'll move it up the coast to Dessert Kingdom. Pay the crew off and get rid of them and hire a new crew." "As you wish," muttered John, as he turned to go. As the chocolate bar reached the door, Kim called out, "when does your family move here?"
John stopped in his tracks. Kim had been hectoring him to buy a vault and move his family here. He'd couched it as a means to deal with the chaos loose in the world–chaos that the dog-icorn blamed on his uncle. Now, John feared there were ulterior motives there. More to the point, what was it that Kim really feared? He'd scoffed at the people who'd built this place. "Working it," John replied, as he stepped off. He was working on moving his family as far away from this fuckery as it was possible to get them.
Kim watched him go with a sense of unease. Bronwyn had always taken care of such problems for him. His daughter had understood the need to occasionally get dirty to make a profit. He'd never drawn her in too deep. She hadn't been ready for the full reality of what it took to run a business empire. At the same time, she never questioned when he told her to go get something done. She got it done with skill and aplomb and brought back the receipts. John had been a faithful employee and junior partner in the firm. At the same time, he was just that–an employee. He didn't have the skin in the game that Bronwyn had. At least not yet.
Far to the south, the subject of the conversation rode at anchor, as the crew rushed to prepare for a rather hasty departure under the watchful eyes of a group of heavily armed men. Up on the bridge, Gordon Wells stood with his coven of advisors dealing with the fallout of the previous day's disaster. They were boned. They didn't have the nuke fuel, and they'd even managed to lose the three iron-giants they had. It was a fantastically bad situation to be in.
"The islands of the Fluffy People are heavily irradiated," Tony Wallace declared. "The bomb that was built to kill the Lich spread a fair bit of fallout over the area. There are a couple of islands that might be habitable, but the islands are a longshot." Gordon grimaced. They couldn't stay in the civilized kingdoms–not after such a high-profile strike against Finn's interests, not with Orzsebet's faction helping to hunt them down. "We could go east," Paul Hammond suggested. "The Rat Lands are beyond Finn's power." But the Rat Lands were the Rat Lands. There were endless horrors there. Even the Dipped had avoided the place, almost as if they feared going in there.
"We need to be doing more than finding a hiding spot," Sam Weiss growled. "We need weapons. Gumbald isn't getting it done." Gordon grimaced. He'd bet big on the mad genius. At the same time, this wasn't all Gumbald's fault. He'd delivered weapons. Gordon's own people had delivered disaster. His agents had been fucking up by the numbers, up to and including the disastrous effort in the far east. Ironically, though, it was the far east that held the biggest hope for them.
"Where is Akari Maeda," Gordon asked? Startled, Tony took a moment to come up with the information. "We have her in a safe-house in Yulanzi," he replied. "We've kept her cooling her heels there." They hardly needed two more untrustworthy allies. "I want Gumbald, Chicle, and Loli on an airship headed east," said Gordon. Frowning, Tony asked, "but why?" Turning to face his subordinates, Gordon responded, "because Ms. Maeda is our hope of having weapons worthy of the name, Tony." "What about the kid," asked Paul? It was clear from his expression that he wanted to kill Jay Mertens. Some–many–of Insight's senior leadership blamed the enigmatic alien for the failure yesterday. Truth? It had always been a bit of a reach. It had been a reach to try striking at the nuclear fuel with Fionna Mertens present in the Kingdom. In hindsight, they should have scrubbed the mission.
You wanted a high-profile success, thought Gordon. It would have been a coup to take the fuel right out of the kingdom. It would have been a bigger coup to kill Finn's daughter. Suddenly Gordon's face lit up. This was something right up his organization's alley. Turning to Sam, he said, "get scripted stories on the desks of all our bought-off newsmen. I want a story going around that Finn is covering up the death of his daughter." It took only a moment. "Brilliant, sir," said Sam. "That'll buy us a good bit of time. He'll be busy fighting off rumors. It'll boost morale of our peeps too."
Down in the forward hold, Chicle stood glaring at the stranger sitting on the deck. Jay Mertens was meditating. Really, he was doing some ernest soul-searching and doing his best to ignore the madman at the door. Without bothering to open his eyes, the half-breed rumbled, "you want something?" "What the fuck was that about," Chicle snarled?! "We failed," Jay retorted. "You failed." It hadn't been Jay's plan. He'd done all he could to execute it. The more he thought about it, the more he thought the whole thing was a fool's errand. They'd bet big on untested machines, and they'd had no plan for what to do with Fionna or any of his other siblings, when every last one of them was dangerous to some degree or other. He wasn't sure that even the gum-prince would be a pushover in a fight.
"You... we didn't get anything out of this," Chicle growled. "You wanted me to murder my sister," Jay snorted, "for nothing." It was clear from his tone that he thought the idea absurd. In chill tones, the half-breed reminded the fool, "it wouldn't have unblocked the tunnel, and it wouldn't have restored your broken toys. You need a new plan, Mr. Chicle. One that will work this time."
Exerting himself a little, Jay raised the temperature minutely, bringing on a sweat from the stranger. It took a couple of minutes for Chicle to realize what was happening. One minute, he was ranting about Jay's lack of commitment. The next, he was exiting the space as if he was on fire. That was better. He was fighting his kin at the moment, and that was an awful spot to be in. He couldn't imagine having to face his father–or Fionna's husband–if he'd done his sister in. Better not to return if he did that. You have to get stronger, he thought. If he'd been strong enough, he could have stopped Fionna without harming her. He had to do better. He was on the edge right now, and his allies of the moment no longer trusted him–if they ever really had.
On the far side of the sea, Drew Mertens stood waiting as an airship came taxiing over from the runway carrying a very precious cargo. She was seriously thinking of begging off the job of being the family's physician because events like this were taking an emotional toll on her. She was riding the roller coaster, dealing with Sarah's near-self-destructive willingness to sacrifice herself for the rest of them, the assaults on various family members' lives, and the unhealthy levels of stress everyone was under. That was before you even got into esoteric shit like this.
She was out of her depth with this, just like she was with Bill. Her husband's beautiful, normal son was hiding a terrifying secret inside him–one that made the time he'd spent as Wildberry's meat-puppet seem like child's play. She had a script in her pocket–one she had to give him as soon as he was back from Clusone. But she wasn't happy with that. If the Nine-Tailed Fox was to be believed, she was band-aiding symptoms, and Drew wasn't big into putting band-aids on problems.
And now this.
Fionna was pale as death, but she was breathing. Her vital signs were weak, but steady. At the same time, she was completely, totally unresponsive, and Drew had no idea why. Her neuro-chemistry was a mess. It had been a mess ever since Patrick's meddling. If Drew let herself admit it, Fionna's neuro-chemistry had gone tits-up when the old Grand-Master's terrifying generation-jumping magic-spell attacked her heart. Fionna was a mess, band-aided together to keep her going, and Drew was horrified by what they'd all collectively been doing to her.
Like her father, the pretty doctor thought, as she checked the blonde woman's vitals one last time. Fionna had become like her father–carrying the weight of all of Ooo on her back as if she were the only one able to carry it. And what would you expect her to do, Drusilla Princess-Mertens, the doctor thought? Turn up her nose and walk away? You know who she is. It made the tall doctor angry, but it often felt like there had never been a choice for this poor young fool.
Across the field, a second airship had landed, carrying another special passenger. Finn had summoned the Sky Witch the minute he'd learned about the fight with Jay in Jungle Kingdom and its terrible outcome. He knew that Drew would be well over her head with this one, just as he knew that Simone wouldn't abandon thousands of souls to come rushing back for her own child. There was too much of Simon in her for that.
The antsy witch was at the window as the airship taxied across the field, bound for the VIP section, even as the cranky cyborg at the door to the passenger compartment kept on admonishing her to sit down. It took all Maja had and then some not to hex robot-boy. It took even more not to start future-casting. It was dangerous to do that around Fionna and Finn, and she was terrified of seeing too much. Wait and be patient, the witch admonished herself. She had to wait and be patient. If it was as she thought, Fionna was in no danger. Other outcomes were too painful to contemplate.
Meanwhile, far to the east in the wild bandit lands, the contract-kitty knelt beside a stream and dipped up some water under the ever-watchful eyes of her irritating parcel. This was the reason why she'd never been all that interested in any jobs that needed the mark to still be breathing at the end. She typically got bored of the noise real fast. If that weren't enough, there was the irritation of wrestling this cunt on and off that horse morning, noon, and night. If they didn't need the bastard in her gut, Me-Mow would gleefully have just tied her to the saddle and forgot about her until they reached the Candy Kingdom. The job was for the bitch to be breathing, after all.
The good news was that she'd gotten away from her rivals. This cunt was some kind of hot to say that there were three factions wanting her hide, and one of those was clearly wanting her dead. It was that last that troubled the killer-cat the most. Keeping somebody alive wasn't her forte. Usually, she was the one doing the butchering because it was so much easier to just open a vein or slice a throat. It was very hard to un-kill somebody if you screwed up.
As the killer-cat straightened from taking a sip of water, her keen ears and nose sifted the environment around her. Something wasn't quite right here. She wasn't really sure who or what it was, but she took no chances. Best to move on. Turning back to the horses–and the mark–the cat pondered if she should shovel some more water down the bitch's gullet. She didn't want to overdo that and have the bitch's brain swell from two much water. The whore had pissed herself a couple of times, so she wasn't in too much danger. Yet. Don't chance it, thought Me-Mow. Move on.
Above and ahead of the former assassin's guild-member, Star Mertens watched through a pair of binoculars. It had taken a lot of work and care to track this little bitch. The good news was that roads and trails through this wilderness weren't so good that she had options. Really, if she wanted to get the mark home alive, she had but one good choice. Knowing that fact had let Star and her drowsy partner get around the killer-cat and set up in front of her.
"What's the play," Jake yawned? She wasn't sure if it were her meds or the injuries she had, but keeping both eyes open the last couple of days had been a pretty tough business. Handing Jake a bow, the wood-nymph wonder declared, "the elemental's watching, Jake." The shapechanger sat up a little straighter. "Not sure who it's working for, but that elemental that came after Astartes is probably watching."
Jake scanned the area, and it was pretty clear she was thinking that they should have seen something like an elemental haunting these woods and setting shit on fire everywhere it stepped. "Phoebe the Flame King tried to explain it to me once," Star murmured. "They... have some kind of connection to fires. They can see through them like they're physically present, and they can use a fire to work magic from a distance..." "...or transport themselves," Jake murmured, as she began to get an idea of where her former henchman was going with this. "You sure you want to do this," she asked? "No," Star said, as she checked her weapons, "but if we're not careful, Me-Mow will ice the mark or she'll get caught in the crossfire, and we go home with bupkis. Gimme ten minutes to get down there in front of the cat. Shoot the arrow into a tree about fifty feet behind her."
The swaying of the horse was relaxing to Me-Mow. She was definitely getting a little too old for this shit. She wasn't interested in retirement–not yet. At the same time, she was going to have to start being a little more discerning with the jobs she chose to take or turn down. Thinking back on things, she would definitely have given this one a pass. Murder for hire was easy by contrast, with the only question being 'how to get away with it'. Dump the politics, she decided. Politics was hazardous to your health, and the closer you got to Royal Entanglements, the worse the problem got.
She could kill anything or anybody. She likely could have killed Finn if she really set her mind to it. It wouldn't be any kind of suicidal direct-attack, mind you, but if she put her mind to the job, she could even get the King of Ooo himself. At the same time, there would be no place on Ooo for her to hide after that. Even moving out to the Ratlands and living with the slow-mutants and other monstrosities there might not be enough to keep her breathing. What was the point, if you couldn't spend the money? A groan announced her irritating traveling companion was complaining. "We'll stop in a couple of hours," the contract-kitty declared. "Don't you worry your pretty little head."
As Me-Mow turned her attention back toward the trail, a flash of something behind her announced she now had a problem. As the killer-cat spun in her seat for a better look, a burst of flame set one of the trees into full flame. Me-Mow felt her heart speed up as she recognized the danger. And then, before she could react, something terrifying was stepping through.
Masia Okonski had been searching high and low for days since the fight at the shadow-port. She'd been stonewalling and stalling the Muscle Princess while she tried to formulate a strategy to find this little bitch. Her foe was cagey, never lighting anything like a real fire, not even to cook. The most she'd gotten was glimpses of her through a candle. She'd been waiting for the bitch to get comfortable and make a mistake. Now was her chance.
The elemental hurled a bolt of flame at the thief. Twisting the ring on her finger, Me-Mow shrunk herself down to the size of a mouse. Unfortunately, that did nothing for her horse. The creature was instantly incinerated. Growing back to normal size once more, the contract-kitty hurled a wizard-globe at the elemental. As the thing hurtled towards Masia, it began to grow in size until it was as big as she was.
Off the X, thought the elemental, as she hurled herself back through the original fire and out through the one she herself had just created. Just as she'd feared, the globe contained elemental water that blasted the fire she'd come through into steam. This little bitch was dangerous! She'd been thinking about this ever since her ugly incident in Lizard Kingdom. She'd have been the last person to admit that she wasn't the warrior she claimed to be. At the same time, her almost death at the hands of a bunch of water-bags had taught her a very valuable lesson. Now, instead of rushing for the kill, the elemental lashed out with flaming whips, creating multiple fires there around the trail.
Her foe hucked another globe at her, but Masia was already moving through one of the new fires. Emerging out the other side, she blasted her enemy full in the back, sending her flying. "Gotcha', bitch," she snarled, as she moved in for the kill. As she was ready to blast the burning corpse to ash, she was stunned to realize that it was nothing but a coat! Misdirected again! Her eyes flicked the nearest fire, and she was already diving through as a full-water-flask smacked into the ground where the coat had lain.
While the elemental dueled the contract-kitty, Star cut the ropes binding the mark to the horse she'd lain on and rushed out of there with the nymph across her back in a fireman's carry. Jake didn't wait on her to reach their hide. Instead, she went rushing down with the horses to meet her. When she'd drawn even with Star, she pulled Astartes the nymph up on the horse before her and tore out of there. Leaping into the saddle, Star spurred her mount to catch up, and the pair thundered back up the mountain and onto the forgotten trail they'd used to get around Me-Mow. It was time to make tracks.
The pair rode for hours up and down switch-back trails as the sun grew ever closer to the horizon. Sunset came fast in the mountains. Star knew that far better than her partner. They were at risk of going off a cliff or falling down the side of the mountain in the dark, and ending their lives in a broken heap at the bottom. Much as she wanted to make the next town–and the possibility of a train-ride home–Star knew it was better to stop. Finally, she pulled off the side of the trail on a relatively wide spot in the road and climbed down.
"I guess we're stopping, huh," Jake burbled. Star nodded. As she tied off her horse, the wood-nymph wonder explained, "it's better to stop early and put together shelter than to keep going and roll the dice, Jake." "Well you, Bill, and Fi were the ones going into the wilderness," the shapechanger retorted. Star grimaced. What had happened to their old lives? Shit, the world had gone crazy on them.
Using her stretchy-powers, Jake eased their prize down off the horse, settling her on the ground within easy reach. Then, climbing stiffly from the saddle, she tied up her own mount before throwing herself into the job of helping her former in-law. They'd had to huddle the previous night for warmth. With a rogue elemental wandering around setting shit on fire, Star hadn't been interested in providing a target. Now, with the mark in their hands, it was all the more important not to do dumb shit.
As the mark watched them, they gathered up pine-boughs and other materials to turn into a bed. Star chopped down a sapling to make the frame of a lean-to. Finally, as the sun was setting, Jake went to the wizard and drew the gag out of her mark. "Hey," she greeted their prize. "How ya' feelin'?" "Like the ball in a game of keep-away," Astartes retorted. "Who are you people?" She vaguely remembered the wood-nymph. That was Finn's kid. She'd never met the dog-girl. As she lay pine-boughs up against the frame of their lean-to, Star responded, "your rescuers. You can thank us by telling us why your boss is after you. Maybe even who's the father of your kid..."
Eyes narrowing, their rogue wizard pondered that a moment before unceremoniously clamming up. Nope, it wasn't going to be that easy. We'll find out, Star, the young wizard thought. We've got time now.
Back in the Candy Kingdom, Finn the king came into the infirmary to find Maja already there in Fionna's room. He'd forced himself to stay in Clusone to finish up there, when he'd really wanted to be here, looking in on Fi, returning only when he'd learned that Orzsebet was in labor. The King had dropped everything and rushed back for the birth only to find that his evil girlfriend was in a rather ugly state of hurry-up-and-wait, with their daughter in no hurry to appear.
The wives were salty about that. They were angry at the appearances of it–all but Simone. With Betty screaming at her, the Ice Queen had doubled down on staying in the east. It was a lesson that Simone had internalized but one Betty was still having a great deal of trouble with. They could do a lot of damage both to the kids and to the world at large by placing too much value in any one member of the family. By rushing in to rescue their family members every time there was a threat to them, they risked elevating their enemy's desire to go after members of the family. In a cruel way, it was better for people to think that Fionna was no longer Finn's favorite child or that Bill was no longer Simone's favorite.
The life of the King–and the Queen–sucked balls, but they were rolling with it.
Finn had been here before–standing at Fi's bedside in the Candy Clinic, while the Quicksilver Curse tried to kill her. Patrick's miracle save had brought his daughter back from the brink, letting Fionna live to fight another day. Now, Finn wondered if they had exhausted all their good fortune.
"How is she," he asked, as he approached the bedside. Stroking the blonde's long, golden locks, Maja declared, "exhaustion. She spent all she had." Fionna would recover. She was resilient, and she would likely be on her feet within weeks or months. At the same time, there was a war-elephant in the corner of the room. Maja's face flicked to Finn, and her dark eyes were accusing. "You could end this," she muttered. He could put an end to this by unleashing tremendous slaughter, and there was a part of him that wanted that. His little girl was laying in a bed, and he wanted to kill the people who hurt her.
Sometimes it seemed like the forces Theo set in motion were still at play, when the woman he'd pulled from Death's clutches urged him to do all the evil things that Theo had wanted him to do. Maja was unrepentant. She was the evil bride of the King, perched on his shoulder like a little devil, asking him to harm others and always for the greater good. She was temptation, given flesh, and Finn forced himself to ignore her siren's call.
"You know who I am," Finn muttered, as he turned to go. He also knew who she was. He could feel her glaring at him, and he stopped in the doorway. He'd be in hock with the witch for a fair bit after this. "You will go east to help Simone with efforts in Nikolayevka," he said. "Those are my orders, Maja. Carry them out." Maja missed his head with the bed-pan and the other things she threw, but she was a wizard, not a warrior.
Meanwhile, in a place outside of time, Fionna the Human Girl wandered through a field of flowers, finding herself calm in spite of what she'd just been through. She wasn't sure where she was, but she had done what needed to get done, so she wasn't really against just sitting down and enjoying the day. The whole thing had gone down much as she'd feared it might, and she was a little irritated with her sister-in-law for pushing away efforts to help her for so long. She understood Abeiuwa's problems with her peeps and their greed. At the same time, the endless screaming over material things when the world was in danger annoyed her. If there were no peeps left on Ooo, the big pile of nuke fuel would go melt itself into the ground again, wouldn't it?
As she was casting about for a good place to lay out, take off her top, and maybe get a tan, the Bad Bunny spotted a house in the distance. Hips wig-wagging sensually, the curvy beauty headed down the hill. Depending on where she was, she might be able to get some help getting home again. Whistling one of Marceline's more raunchy tunes in unconscious habit, the bunny-girl strolled through the fields of flowers. She'd always had to listen to Marcy's music on the down-low because her mom didn't like the lyrics.
"Place looks familiar somehow," she thought, as she approached the little house in the field. Running her hands along the wall, she found herself calling out to the crystals in the stone instinctually, asking questions. How old was this place? Where had it come from? She was a little dismayed to find no answers came. She'd come to rely on the powers she'd gotten from the crystal sword. At the same time, she'd been taught self-reliance by the greatest hero there ever was.
Strolling over to the door, the Bad Bunny rapped on the heavy wooden planks, while she called out to the inhabitants. When nobody answered, she called out again. On the third try, she decided to simply go inside. The door was unlocked, thankfully, and she thought, if nothing else, she could maybe get some supplies and leave these folk a little cash in exchange.
Stepping through the door, she found herself in an eerily familiar setting. The cozy little living room reminded her a lot of her grandparents' place. She'd never spent a lot of time there. She didn't like Betty because of the way she treated Grampa Simon, and she'd gotten tired of watching her mom put up with Betty's controlling ways. She'd never understood what her grampa saw in that mean old bitch–other than the big titties, of course.
Shaking off the bad memories, the leggy blonde cast about her, looking for the kitchen. She'd need something to carry water in. She'd need maybe a bag to carry some food in. An ember from the fireplace would be useful so she wouldn't have to try to make fire the hard way. As her keen eyes swept back and forth, she was startled to see a keyboard in the corner. Was that there before, she thought?
Striding over, her mind went back to her grampa. He'd been in and out of their lives a lot, with Betty dragging him to Wiz City repeatedly for long stays there, where they were out of communication with the family for months at a time. It often felt like Betty didn't like the family and didn't want them around. Fionna's hands reached out to the keyboard, feeling the urge to play, even though this was really Patrick's instrument. Fionna played flute, like her dad.
It was as she was about to touch the worn keys that the epiphany came. This was Patrick's keyboard. It had been her grampa's before that. This keyboard was on the Island of the Fluffy People. It had been buried by the Lich's wrath and blown up by the bomb. It shouldn't exist anymore. A sense of panic gripped the Bad Bunny. "Am I...," she thought. "Am I dead?"
"Nope," Simon Petrikov responded. Fionna spun around to find her grampa standing in the doorway. The Bad Bunny gave him a cute little frown, her dainty nose twitching minutely. "Ok, grampa," Fionna muttered, "you're Death, so I shouldn't be seeing you unless I'm headed for the quarry." Frowning again, the curvy beauty mused, "I didn't think I messed anything up that bad." She'd always figured on going straight to Dead World.
Crossing the room, Simon dropped onto the bench before the keyboard and turned to face his granddaughter, remarking, "you're in the World Between, Fi. You're not quite dead, but you're not really alive, either." He could see the gears turning behind her lovely face. "This is where Maja was," Fi burbled, as she gazed around her. Nodding, Simon began to tease the keys of his old keyboard, drawing soothing music from the old device. That was weird. The keyboard needed electricity, but she didn't imagine there being a reactor here. "Do I get to go back," she asked? "Up to you," Simon replied.
It was a pretty heavy decision. She had a baby that needed to get born and family that needed her. At the same time, this place was pretty cool and peaceful. She'd never realized how much she missed the peaceful life her family used to have. "Let's play, Fi," said Simon, as he handed her a perfect copy of her flute. Fi blinked. She'd always wanted to be able to jam with the family all together. Her dad, Marshall Lee, Patrick, nasty old Marceline, and her grampa, but they'd never gotten the chance. Pushing aside the worry of the moment, she put the flute to her lips and began to play. Before Maja's worried eyes, the young woman's heartbeat strengthened and her breathing grew smoother.
Well, rain falls on Kim's parade. His chief henchman is considering dipping out, and the spies have to wimpy and regroup somewhere far away. Finn now confronts the true ugliness of being King, while Fionna gets to spend some quality time with her grampa, even if it's in a really strange place.