A/N: This is the last chapter, not including the epilogue. I hope you like it. Thank you all so much for reading this. It was a blast writing it. If you made it this far, please let me know what you think.

Chapter 52: Death and a Letter

"Do not seek death. Death will find you.
But Seek the road which makes death a fulfillment"
- Dag Hammarskjöld

I stared at the scene in front of me. Everything was still. Kelly was kneeling in blood at my side, Dean next to her. He had his hands pushed against my stomach. Eric was standing, staring down at me. I felt like crying at the expression on Kelly's face. I lifted a foot to kick at my body. It passed through.

"That won't work."

I spun at the voice. The man standing at the entrance to the kitchen was dressed in a black suit and an overcoat. "Who are you?"

"We need to talk. Follow me." He turned and moved through the kitchen with ease. I looked back at where Kelly was before following. The man sat at the dining room table. It was surprisingly untouched by the fighting. "Sit." He motioned at the chair across from him. I did so. There was something about him that was oddly terrifying. Not like Eric or Lucifer. This felt more like being in the principal's office. "Hungry?" He slid a box towards me. "Best pickle chips in the state."

"Pickle chips? Are they like dill chips?"

"Fried, actually."

"Oh, thanks." I opened the box and peered in. This could be the last time I ate. "This isn't like a Hades Persephone thing, is it? I'm not going to be stuck here if I eat these, will I?"

"No," he answered.

"Okay." I took one of the fried pieces and ate it. It was still hot. "You never told me who you are."

"We have much to discuss, you and I. I am Death."

"Death?"

"As in the Four Horseman, yes," he nodded.

"Oh, I'm-"

"I know who you are Michelle."

I swallowed tightly. "Right. Of course." This was worse than feeling like I was in the principal's office. This felt like facing my sisters when they were upset with me. "What did you want to discuss?"

He looked at me carefully before he sighed. "The balance between worlds must be maintained. The tears between worlds were not meant to stay open as long as they have. The vessels must make a choice in order to balance the scales. You must make a choice."

Cold fear ran up my spine. I didn't think that was even possible in death. "What choice?"

"To return to your worlds, or remain in this one. There is no turning back after this is made, and both of the vessels must return," he said. "They cannot be separated." He paused for a moment before adding, "the vampires are an oddity. They are not required to return."

"Why not?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Their souls have already passed. There is nothing to weigh against the dead." That was an odd way to phrase it and I wasn't sure I fully understood.

"So, why am I here? Why not come to all of us?"

"Because the choice is yours to make. For all."

I froze. "I don't...why? Why me?"

"Because you were the first. Because life is not fair. There are many reasons that I could give and none, I suspect, would suffice."

I stood up and started pacing. I couldn't help it. "Are...are our worlds okay? I mean, what happens if we stay?"

"The tear between worlds repairs and there will be no going back. Your arrival in this world was chance, Michelle. It has splintered this world off of its intended course. If you stay, it will solidify this path. Some things may still occur as destined, others not. Universes are fragile things. You must choose."

I could go home. He was telling me I could go home, but if I went back, Kelly would have to come with me. Kelly...who was dead and alone in our world. Here she had a chance. I could go home though and see my family. I didn't think that was ever possible. This wasn't fair.

"Logan and Veronica want to go home," I said to myself. Even if Logan wasn't completely sold on it, he had Veronica. I knew they'd be fine. "Hermione too. And Giles. Chloe and Derek." I wasn't a hundred percent sure, but both of them had family. Both of them had each other. I looked back at Death. "What about the ones who died here? Do they...do they get to go back?"

Death merely stared back at me.

"Okay," I muttered. I took a deep breath. I knew my choice. I had told Sam it a long time ago. I would be okay here. I had Kelly, I had Sam. We could survive. We had to. "The vampires want to stay," I told him. It was oddly timed that we had been discussing this the night before. "Send everyone but them, Kelly and I home. We'll stay."

It felt like he was staring through me. Like he could see every aspect of my soul. "You are certain?"

I nodded, praying that I was making the right choice. It had to be the right one. "Yes."

Death nodded. He stood up from his chair. "Very well."

"Wait!" He turned to me, curious. "Do we get to say goodbye?"

"Goodbye, Michelle."

"That's not what I meant!"

I sat up, gasping for air. I struggled to breathe as I looked around, confused. I had been talking to Death. Why was I here? Kelly lunged forward, hugging me tightly.

"What..." I could taste blood. It felt like it coated my mouth and I tried not to gag. "What happened?"

Kelly moved back, her hands still on my shoulders. Her grip was tight, like she was afraid I was going to disappear. "Eric gave you his blood." I looked at her sharply. "It was the only way. Something else is happening though." Death.

"Are they gone?"

"What do you mean gone?" Kelly asked. I pushed her off and stood up. I had to know. I took off, running for the stairs. The kids were up there. They had to still be here.

The house was shifting as I ran and I collided into a wall as rooms disappeared. The hallway filled up with clothes. The three rooms left were empty. I was too late. He had taken them already and I didn't...I didn't get to say goodbye. The lump in my throat grew. I walked slowly back down the stairs, stunned. I wanted to be wrong but something told me I wasn't. Death had taken them home and we were left without even a chance to say goodbye, to thank them. I couldn't thank Jane.

I looked over at Kelly as the living room came into view. There was blood and bodies everywhere. Dean was holding her tightly, his head buried in her neck. I glanced around at the bodies but the brother I was looking for was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Sam?"

Kelly looked up at me in alarm. Her face was pale and I caught sight of tears falling down her cheeks.

I froze. It had to be because of everyone leaving. It had to be. "Kels?" She shook her head slightly. My legs gave out from under me. I clutched the banister as I fell. My chest tightened and my stomach rolled. I closed my eyes tightly. She had to be wrong.

I sat on the stairs, my mind whirling. Everyone was gone. Sam was…. I took a deep breath and shoved it back. I couldn't do this. I couldn't deal with that as well. I tried to ignore the growing panic. We were alone in this and it was my fault. I bit the inside of my cheek, desperate to keep myself from crying. If I gave into everything I was feeling, I'd drown. We didn't need that. I stood up and finished walking down the stairs. My body wasn't sore for once and if I ignored the way my hands were trembling, I could do something.

I grabbed the body at the bottom of the stairs and lifted it over my shoulder. It was the blood, I realized. I was stronger because of the copper taste in my mouth.

"Mish?" I heard Kelly call out.

"We can't keep them here," I said. My voice was flat.

"Mish wait!"

I ignored her and walked out of the house with the body.

"Well, peaches, you look like a natural holding a corpse." I heard Spike's voice but I didn't look up. I dropped the body on the lawn and turned back to go inside. "Oi! No need to be bloody rude."

"Don't talk to me," I said without looking at him. I was on the proverbial edge and I was trying to hold on desperately. "Not now."

"Now just wait a minute.." I felt something touch my shoulder. I turned with a punch. Spike went flying. "Not now." I snapped.

"My blood looks good in you," Eric appeared before me.

"Move."

He did so, motioning for me to go ahead. "What do you propose we do with the bodies?"

"Burn them. I don't care. Just get rid of them."

"Hmm, your emotional turmoil makes you far more...interesting now that I can sense it. All of them?"

I clenched my teeth together and looked at him. "Not the time. We need to get rid of all of them. We're the only ones left."

He stared at me for a moment before taking off with a blur. I moved automatically back into the house and grabbed the next body.

"Michelle, stop!"

I dropped the body and turned to Kelly. The house was still readjusting itself and the kitchen was cramped now. That didn't stop Dean from sitting in a chair with his head in one hand and a bottle in the other. "What?"

"What do you mean what?" She looked at me incredulously. "Everyone is gone! I watched Chloe and Jane disappear!"

"They went home," I said.

"How the fuck do you know that?" Kelly asked.

"I...I met Death when I was...dying." Dean looked up at that.

"You met Death?"

"Yeah. Seemed terrifying but cool. Gave me pickle chips." Kelly looked like she was going to start crying again, mixed with disbelief. I tried to think of what to say. I couldn't tell Kelly the truth, that I stayed because our choice was linked. I knew her well enough to know how she'd react. She didn't need that guilt. "He said the world...things had to be balanced. He said I had to choose...whether we stayed or not. I knew...they wanted to go home."

"Then why are we still here? Or the vamps?"

I didn't meet her eyes. "I don't know."

"We didn't…" her voice cracked. "We didn't get to say goodbye."

I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. I closed them tightly. "I know. I didn't...I tried to tell him we'd want to say goodbye."

"That's it?" Dean asked. I looked over at him. He didn't look like he fully believed me.

"Yeah."

"We...we need to decide what to do," Kelly said softly. "Everyone…" she stopped herself, putting a hand over her mouth. I moved over and put a hand on her arm.

"Take Dean upstairs. Organize that chaos. I'll clean here," I said softly.

"You can't do this by yourself, Mish. There's…"

"It's fine. Please. I need to do something, so just go. I got this." I silently prayed that she didn't argue this with me. I couldn't stop. I needed to keep moving because it felt like there was electricity under my skin and if I stopped I would explode.

She nodded. "Okay."

I turned back to the body and lifted it over my shoulder. All of us were covered in blood by now and it was odd to look at Kelly and realize she was wearing mine. "Go take a shower. We're burning these clothes."

The sun was rising when I finally paused. I didn't catch sight of the vampires since I brought the last body out of the house. After that, I cleaned. And cleaned. The blood took forever to wash out. The research from the dining room was piled on the kitchen table. The whole house was smaller. All of Hermione's adjustments had faded. I didn't think anything had gone missing.

"You still up?"

I looked up to see Dean walking into the kitchen. "Yeah." He nodded and headed for the fridge. I saw him reach for a beer before he paused and closed the fridge. He opened the cupboard above it and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He grabbed a couple of glasses and set them on the counter. I watched as he poured some of the whiskey into them. He turned and handed me one of the glasses. I took it automatically. The adrenaline from the blood finally felt like it was wearing off. I was tied to Eric now. I was trying not to think about that, about what this meant. I was trying not to think of any of it if I was being honest.

"He didn't want to go."

My head shot up. I looked at Dean. He shifted in place before leaning back against the counter. He took a sip of the whiskey. "What?"

"Sam. He didn't...he wanted to stay."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about that. I still had no idea what happened except that he was gone. "What-" I looked at Dean and tried to swallow the lump growing in my throat. "What happened?"

"It was the only way," he ran a hand down his face.

"Nevermind," I said. "I shouldn't have asked."

"No," he said. He cleared his throat. "Lucifer...he's locked up. Sam said yes. He jumped into the cage."

I nodded. "Of course he did," I muttered. I ran a hand through my hair. At least that explained why he hadn't been answering.

"Thank you." I looked at Dean confused. "For staying," he elaborated.

"It wasn't…" the protest died on my lips at the knowing look he gave. "We couldn't split up," I admitted to him. "Death...he said either we both left, or we both stayed."

"Shit," he muttered.

"Please don't tell Kels. She's just...she'll blame herself."

Dean stared at me for a moment before he swallowed the rest of the whiskey in his glass. He poured himself another.

I watched as he reached into the pocket on the front of his shirt. "Here." He handed me a folded paper. "Sam wanted me to give this to you." I took it and realized it was an envelope with my name on it.

"What is it?" My voice was soft.

"Don't know. Didn't read it."

I stared at my name. It was Sam's writing. I had stared at it enough in that notebook he had given me with the protections to recognize it. "Thanks." I looked up at him. "I mean it Dean, thank you. I'm sorry that…" my voice cracked and I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.

"Yeah, me too." He moved forward and clapped a hand on my shoulder. He squeezed it for a moment before he left the room taking the bottle of whiskey with him.

I stared at the envelope in my hand. I was almost tempted to not read it. I didn't know what it would say but I didn't want any apologies. I wanted Sam back. I took a sip of the whiskey and winced as it burned. I put the glass on the table and left the house.

I found myself in the same little grove Jane had taken me to a thousand times before. We had greeted the sun before training here and now it was empty. I sat down on the grass and put my back against a tree. The wind whistled through the leaves and for a moment I could picture Jane standing there, telling me to listen to the earth for that was how the Goddess spoke to her creations. She'd also strike me for wanting to run from something as simple as a letter.

I took a deep breath, trying to ground myself into the earth like she taught me. Once I felt slightly settled, I opened the envelope. It was a single sheet of paper folded inside.

Michelle,

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you when we were last together. It was selfish, but I wanted to keep those last days together separate from everything I knew was going to come. It was hard enough getting Dean to agree, but it needed to be done.

I broke the promise I made to you all those months ago. I'm sorry. I told you we'd keep you safe and that's what I'm doing.

Thank you for giving me the chance, for letting me in. I wish we had more time. I can't even begin to tell you what knowing you has felt like. The last time I saw you was the best time in my life for a long time. Thank you.

Keep your heart open, Michelle. Don't let this stop you from letting others in. Keep trying.

Yours,

Sam.

Tears fell before I could stop them and it was like a dam broke. I pulled my knees to my chest. This wasn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen. He told me everything was going to be alright. He said I had him...but he was gone. I held on to the letter, this last remnant I had, and cried.

I felt lost.

I was exhausted from crying. It was only when I finally felt some semblance of control that I went inside. I looked awful. I hadn't even glanced at a mirror, but my eyes felt swollen. The whole house was empty now and I half expected Chloe to come skidding into the hall or for Klaus to make some remark. There was no Remy to grin at me and call us cher. The silence felt deafening.

I headed up the stairs.

Dean stepped into the hallway as I got to the top. We both paused as we saw each other. He looked worse than I felt.

"That bad?" He tried to joke. Tears welled up in my eyes again. "Shit. Come here, sweetheart." He stepped forward and engulfed me in a hug. I couldn't stop the sob that broke out. I clung to him tightly. Sam was gone. He was gone and we were left to pick up the pieces.

"Oh Mish…" I heard Kelly's voice. I felt another set of arms wrap around us. They both held tightly and it almost felt like being back home. It wasn't the same though. I sniffed before pulling back.

"Thanks," I said. Dean just nodded before he wrapped his arm around Kelly.

"Are you okay?" Kelly asked softly.

"No," I answered honestly. "I'm...I'm just going to go to bed."

"Mish,"

"Leave her," Dean said. His eyes glanced down at the envelope still in my hand. I nodded my thanks. I went into the room that they hadn't come out of. It had the same stupid lilac walls but it was smaller. There was nothing of Sam. There was barely anything of me in here. I climbed into the bed and tucked the letter under my pillow. I curled up, facing the wall and waited for sleep.

end

I wiped down the bar once Dale left. He had become a regular once we properly opened. He wasn't the only one. The bar was getting fairly popular now that we had found a routine. And more employees.

It was still light out so the vampires had yet to arrive. Spike acted as security at night. I had to take out the devil's trap at the front door, but the other protections worked well enough. That, and the weapons I had hidden. We had only one incident so far, but that was while we had been out grocery shopping after closing. The werewolf had come out of nowhere. It didn't live long though.

"Hey Mish," Dean sat down at the bar in front of me.

"Hey. Whiskey?"

"Beer."

I nodded and poured him his usual. "How's the car coming along?"

"Well, she's purring now. New coat of paint and she'll be right as rain."

"Didn't we have this argument already? It's a he." I handed him the beer and waved him off. He kept trying, but Dean had thrown himself into fixing up the car and the house. The least I could do was supply him with free beer.

"A car is always a she. Come on."

I smiled at him before I continued cleaning. "Does Kels know you're here?"

"She will once she sees me." He looked around the bar. "You guys are getting busy. It's been what...a few weeks?"

It had been three and a half since we lost everyone. I nodded. "Something like that." I caught his eye and both of us recognized the same look. Dean had helped me fix the protections on the house and add new ones. He also sometimes trained with me. All of us were looking for a distraction to keep us from thinking about what was missing.

Spike was surprisingly a great training partner. He was fast like Jane and hit just as hard. Of course, the goal was not to get hit for both of us. We had yet to figure out how to get the chip out of his head. I had spent more time with him in the past weeks as I tried to avoid being the third wheel to Kels and Dean. I was still avoiding Eric as much as I could.

The dreams had started instantly. Dreaming about Eric was awful. I had nearly driven myself back to not sleeping at all in an effort to avoid them. I hated myself for lusting after Eric when Sam had been gone less than a day. I knew it was the blood. Kelly had repeatedly told me that it was the blood, but that didn't stop how I felt. It also didn't stop the urge to find Eric and ask for more.

I had Spike lock me in a room with him in it when it got really bad. They never covered that in the show. They didn't show how much a person could crave it, even from being healed.

"Mish?"

"Hmm?" I looked up. Dean was staring at me concerned. "Sorry."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking. What's up?"

"I was just asking if you were heading home before dark?" We didn't tell Dean the side effects. Kelly and I agreed on that much.

"No. I'm here all night." He nodded and took a sip of his drink.

"Hey, when did you get here?" Kelly came out from the back and came over to us. They kissed quickly and I turned away. The heartache of losing Sam was fading, but a large part of it was due to me ignoring it. I knew myself well enough for that. Seeing the two of them just threatened to bring it back. They were in love and I couldn't fault them for that. It was only privately, as I reread his letter, that I admitted to myself that I could have loved him. It didn't matter though. Not anymore.

"You hungry, Dean?" I smiled at the two of them. "We could get Greg in the back to make you a burger."

"Yeah," Dean said. "That'd be great."

"Stay," I motioned to Kelly. "I'll put the order in. Don't worry. Take five minutes."

"Thanks," she smiled at me. She reached out and grabbed my arm over the counter. "Hey, you sure you're good?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm alright."