Lori Loud limped naked through the forest, her body cold, bruised, and covered in dirt. Blood crusted her butt and inner thighs, and each step sent jolts of agony into her ruined womb. Chunks of her uteral lining, ripped asunder by the rape she had endured, dropped onto the ground behind her and her intestines played peekaboo with her butthole like a pink sock. She sobbed in shame and fear as she went. She had only one thought: To get home.

Her whole life, Lori had been strong and independent. Right now, however, like the small, abused child she was, she needed the love and comfort of her family.

She reached the clearing where the cabin was. Yellow lights shone in the front windows. She was so close….so close.

Her tears came faster and she tried to hurry, but could only hobble. She was a hundred feet away now, maybe more.

Just then, the front door popped open and light spilled out, revealing two figures standing at the door. A shot rang out and both of them fell back. Dad appeared on the porch with a shotgun and fired again, taking one's head off. At the sight of her father, Lori's heart lifted. She tried to cry out but her voice was horse and broken. "Daddy."

Lynn Loud Sr. did not hear his daughter's plea but he did see a pale and ghostly form approaching from the night, its step dead and unsure. He could not make out what it looked like from this distance, or even if it was a man or a woman.

When Dad raised the gun, Lori's stomach dropped. She came to a stop and started to cry again. "Daddy."

The gun jumped and a thousand hot lead balls tore into Lori's face, ripping her eyes out and knocking her jaw askew. She felt herself fly back, felt herself hit the ground. She felt the life draining from her veins.

Then darkness stole over her and she never felt anything again.

In her pit, Lucy laughed. "NICE SHOT! NICE SHOTNICESHOTNICESHOTNICESHOT!"

Lola clamped her hands over her ears in a gesture of madness. "Shut up! Just shut up!"

Closing the door, Dad and Lincoln boarded it up again and went over to the couch, where Luna dabbed Lana's forehead with a wet cloth. "How is she?"

"She has a high fever," Lisa said. "I'm afraid she'll die if we don't get her to a medical facility."

Dad looked at the bodies on the floor. "We'd better get them out of here." There was a tremor of pain in his voice as he said it, but he kept his composure. For his children.

Lincoln unboarded a window in the living room and Dad and Luna carried Leni over. They shoved her out the window, and then Mom. The bodies lay in a pile on the ground and Dad stared down at them with a haunted expression before shutting the window again. Lincoln boarded it while Dad sat with his back against the wall. "How's Luan?" he asked.

The perennial jokester lay on a mattress in the middle of the floor, asleep, her hand bandaged heavily. She muttered, pinched her brow, and turned her head away.

"She'll survive," Lisa said.

"What do we do now?" Lincoln asked.

Dad sighed. "We have to get out of here." He got up and went to the door. He peered through a crack in the boards. "If we can get to the van, we should be okay." He turned his head away and thought for a minute. "Here's what we'll do. I'll go and bring it up to the door, then we can all pile -"

A massive explosion rocked the night. One moment Vanzilla was there, the next it was in flaming pieces scattered across the yard. A giant bald man with coal black skin stood near the wreckage, his eyes burning red. He pointed at the cabin and then mimed cutting his own neck. Zombies stumbled around the fire like pagans and indescribable monstrosities slithered through the grass, half-seen, and thank God for that. Dad sighed and pressed his head to the wall.

Lana jerked and let out a deep, unnatural growl. Lola jumped off the couch with a scream and Luna leapt to her feet, grabbing the machete. Lana got up and looked around the room with yellow eyes, her hands balled into fists. She went after Lola and Lola screamed. Luna brought the machete down and split Lana's head wide open. "No!" Dad screamed. "Put her in the basement!"

Ignoring him, Luna pulled the machete out and swung it again, slicing the top of Lana's head off into four pieces, exposing her brain. Screaming, crying, going insane, Luna beat the demon with the blde over and over again, not stopping even afer Lana had fallen and gone still. Lincoln pulled Luna away and she swung the machete around, almost hitting him. Lincoln tackled her to the ground and the machete flew from her hand. Luna screamed in rage, and hating himself, Lincoln punched her in the face. Her eyes rolled back and she went limp.

Lola, Lisa, and Lily were huddled together, hugging and crying, and Luan was sitting up on her bed, awake and alert. Dad stood by the door, then, head down, came into the living room and sat, back to the wall. He buried his face in his hands and broke down crying. Luan got up from the mattress, rubbed her head, and walked over to Lana, who was little more than a pile of bloody, chopped meat on the floor. Lincoln picked up the machete and thrust it through his belt like a swashuckler's sword. "We're trapped," Luan said.

Banging came at the doors and windows, on all sides now. Lisa, Lily, and Lola hugged each other tighter. "We can't go out there. We can only survive until dawn."

"Do you think it'll end at sunrise?" Lincoln asked.

Luan nodded. "Yeah. The sun will send them back to their graves or hell or wherever they came from. We just have to keep them at bay until then." She went over to the front door and peered through the crack between the boards. Vanzilla spat flames high into the air, the fire bathing the yard in a hellish glow. She caught flickers of movement but couldn't tell what they were; had her mind been able to process what they were, it would have instantly shattered and retreated into the blessed darkness of total insanity. She held her bandaged stump in her hand and absently stroked it like an evil villain petting his favorite cat. "I'm useless with no hand," she said and turned. Her eyes went to the chainsaw and her brow pinched. "Lisa...I have an idea."

While Lincoln took the shotgun from Dad - who had sunk into drooling catalonia - and went from window to window checking, Luan sat in the middle of the floor with Lisa. Using a leather strap and some metal braces she happened to have on hand, Lisa created a type of robotic sleeve and attached it to the chainsaw. She slipped it over Luan's stump and pulled the strap tight. "See how it maneuvers," Lisa said.

Luan stood up and slashed the air with the blade. It was nowhere near as heavy as it looked. It felt snug...it felt natural...it felt right. A sly grin crept across Luan's face. "Groovy," she said.

At the front window, Lincoln racked the shotgun. "Here they come."

"Lisa, take -"

The words cut off when the window behind them exploded in a shower of glass and splitters. A ghoul landed on its feet in the middle of the room, and Luan blinked.

It was Mom.

Or had been Mom. Her face, so kind and warm-hearted in life, was twisted in a grotesque parody of humanity. Her skin was gray and mottled, putting Luan in mind of scales, and her eyes were the same sickly yellow as Lucy's. Her nose was upturned like the snout of a pig, and she opened her mouth to reveal two rows of razor sharp fangs coated in saliva. Her shoulders were hunched, her knees bent; she held her hands up in front of her, long, jagged fingers hooked into claws. The spell over Dad broke and he got jerkily to his feet, his face white with horror. He pressed his back to the wall and slid away from her, eyes wide.

Mom looked around the room and spotted Lily. A savage smile spread across the demon's face and she bent, hands going out. "Come to mommy," she hissed.

For a second, Lily looked up at her, baffled, then started crawling toward her.

"No!" Luan screamed.

Just then, an unseen army of darkness assaulted the front of the cabin. A thousand hands pounded at the doors and windows, the sound of their onslaught deafening. The wood over the door began to crack and splinter, and Lincoln looked around, stricken. What should he do? He saw Lily crawling toward Mom and Luan frantically trying to rev her chainsaw hand. If he went to help them, the front of the cabin would be totally undefended.

Lisa and Lola were both backed up against the wall. "Torches!" Lincoln called. "We need torches!"

Hearing him, Lisa grabbed a table leg, wrapped it in a length of sheet, and stuck it into the fire. She raced over to her bag, opened it with one hand, and took out a mason jar filled with clear liquid. "I have this too," she said.

"What is it?" Lincoln asked.

"Hydrochloric acid," Lisa said.

He looked from the jar to Lisa. "There's not much."

In the living room, Mom picked up Lily and the baby's happiness turned to fear when Mom's jaw distended like a snake's. Luan cried out in frustration and pulled the cord with all her might. The chainsaw coughed into life and Luan ran at Mom. "Leave her alone, you bitch!"

Mom dropped Lily and threw her hands up to defend herself. Luan brought the saw up and across in a slashing pattern. The blade ripped open Mom's stomach cavity and a steaming tangle of guts spilled from inside. Blood splattered Luan's face and a frenzied look crept into her eyes. She wrenched the saw up and down, and one of Mom's arms fell to the floor. A torrent of black blood shot out and covered Luan's supine body. Mom back up to the window, and Luan swung the saw, cutting the top of her skull off.

No sooner had she been dealt with than another zombie climbed through the window, and then another. They stood side by side in front of Luan with their fists balled and evil intent written on their decomposing faces. The front door crashed open and a seven foot tall man with coal black skin and clad in a ratty cloak stepped in.

It was on.

Lincoln pulled the trigger and the gun leapt in his hands. The shot took the black man in the face and drove him back. Lincoln ran at the door, firing again and again. Zombies fell away and scattered, some falling and others stumbling for cover. Lisa waved the torch around and one of the ghouls went up in flames. It spun around and tried to put out the fire, but it consumed them, crackling as it ate their flesh.

One of the zombies sprang at Luan, and she thrust out her arm, cutting its ribcage open. Bugs and withered organs fell out. The creature looked in shock from its wound to Luan; that was time enough for her to cut its head off. The other rushed her, and she danced back, the saw flashing back and forth. Other zombies climbed through the window, some fairly fresh, others skeletons. One in a white T-shirt, jeans, and motorcycle boots looked a whole lot like Bobby Santiago.

The zombie made the mistake of reaching out for her, and Luan cut its hand off. It flew across the room, landed on the floor, and flipped her the bird. Luan charged him and threw a mean right hook: The spinning blade punched through its chest and severed its spine. She pulled back and the zombie fell to its knees. Bobby flew at her and she ran to meet him, both leaping into the air like anime characters or some shit. The saw ripped into his throat in a spray of blood, and then slid deeper into his head at an upward angle. It poked through the top of his head, and gore spat out like the contents of a blender. His eyes rolled as his brains were whipped to mush.

On the other side of the cabin, the flaming zombie had crumpled to the floor. The flames reached the curtains and they went up. Smoke and heat filled the air, making it hard to breathe. A group of zombies and other monsters - including an eight foot tall thing covered in fur and sporting ram horns - tried to force their way through the door, but Lisa splashed them with the acid. The fur creature screeched and staggered to the side. The fire touched its fur and it, too, went up. It disappeared and suddenly, Lori was in the doorway, white, naked, and missing half her face. Lisa choked, and that was all the opening Lori needed. She yanked the little genius off her feet and ripped her throat out. Lisa screamed and kicked her feet, half sobbing and half wailing. Lincoln aimed the gun at Lori and pulled the trigger. The blast hit both of them, and both were cut literally in half.

Leni jumped through the window and stood in front of Luan with her shoulders hunched, looking for all the world like an Old West gunslinger. Her head was split down the middle and her body was shaky. Luan looked at her and rolled her eyes. "Way too easy," she said.

"What about me?"

She turned to see Luna standing there. Her eyes were yellow and repitalian and horns protruded from her head. Lily and Lola both lay dead and mangled on the floor behind her. Luna came at her, and Luan swung the saw. Luna jumped back and laughed. "You gotta be faster than that," she taunted. Luan swung left and right, and both times, Luna ducked. She jumped up onto the coffee table and jumped off again, seeming to literally fly at Luan. At the same time, Lucy reached out of the trapdoor and grabbed Luan's ankle, causing her to trip. She hit the floor and Luna landed on top of her. She grinned evily and leaned in to bite Luan's neck. Luan belted a howl of rage and jammed the chainsaw into Luna's stomach, then rolled her over. Luna jerked and bucked as the saw cut through her and into the floor beneath her. Leni came up behind Luan but all she could do was batter Luan with a flurry of weak slaps. Luan threw her elbow back, caught Leni in the chest, and knocked her down. Luan got up and sliced the chainsaw across Luna's throat, cutting her head off in a spurt of blood.

The fire was getting bigger and brighter now. Lincoln ran over next to Luan and they both backed up to the wall. Monsters were climbing in through every window, five, then, fifteen of them flooding the cabin at once. Lincoln loaded the shotgun, aimed at a zombie, and fired, taking its head off. "Let's do this," he said.

Screaming, he and Luan came out swinging. The saw sliced and diced, sending hands, heads, and cold lumps of rotted flesh into the air like confetti in hell. Lily, grinning with sharp teeth, toddled at Lincoln, and he shot her. Because she was so small, the blast obliterated her, leaving her as a greasy spot on the floor. Lola ducked through the legs of a zombie and tried to grab him. He aimed and jerked the trigger.

Click.

Empy.

Undeterred, he used the gun as a club and cracked her so hard in the back of the head that blood gushed from her nose. A zombie lunged at him and ripped the gun from his hands. Grinning, the zombie said, "Got your nose."

Lincoln drew the machete from his belt and the zombie's grin fell. Lincoln brought it around as hard as he could and cut the zombie's head off from the nose up. "I got yours," Lincoln said. No sooner had the words left his mouth than someone grabbed him from behind and spun him around.

Dad.

Dad's face was half melted and his features were rearranged, one eye lower than it should have been and his mouth up higher. He grabbed Lincoln by the front of his shirt and pulled him off his feet. "Flesh of my flesh," Dad said in a snake-like rattle. "Blood of my blood." He opened his mouth, and Lincoln kicked him in the crotch with all his might.

Even as an undead zombie/demon hybrid, being kicked in the nads apparently still hurt like hell. Dad's grip released and he doubled over. Acting on pure reflex, Lincoln grabbed the back of Dad's head and rammed his knee into Dad's face. Dad's nose burst and his teeth shattered into little tiny pieces. Lincoln brought the handle of the machete down on the back of Dad's head and drove him to his knees. Dad looked up at him and Lincoln froze. Though the old man's face was a soupy candle wax mess, his eyes were filled with pain and remorse. "Please…" he hissed. "Please, Lincoln...kill me."

Tears of emotion welled in Lincoln's eyes and a lump formed in his throat.

"Kill me...so I can be with the others."

Closing his eyes, Lincoln brought the machete up and then down with all his force. Dad's head split and his brains oozed out. Lincoln didn't have time to mourn; more zombies were coming at him, some of them beginning to catch fire. He kicked one in the stomach and jammed the machete into the open mouth of another. It sliced through the back of its head and severed its spinal cord.

Deadites threw themselves at Luan in waves, each one going to pieces on the unforgiving blade of her saw. She and Lincoln were both soaked in blood, and blood was so thick on the floor that they both slipped as if on sheets of ice. Half a head slid over and Lincoln kicked it into the flames. Luan shoved a werewolf looking thing to the ground and laid its chest open with the saw. It kicked its legs and howled. The fire was spreading, and now monsters were starting to catch on their own. Lucy and Lynn pounded on the trap door from below, and Lucy snaked her hand out. Screaming, Lincoln brought the machete down and stabbed it; the blade plunged into the wood and rich red blood oozed out. Lucy screamed and wrenched her hand back, shredding it as it pulled off the blade.

Lincoln yanked the machete out and thrust it through the stomach of another zombie. "Come on," Luan said, yelling to be heard over the din of the fire, "we gotta get out of here." She cut a path to the window, and Lincoln followed. At the window, Luan said, "Go. I'll cover you."

Zombies, most on fire, lumbered toward them. Lincoln wanted to argue, to make her go first, but there was no time to argue. Stepping on his mother's severed head for a boost, he climbed through the window and landed in the grass. A moment later, Luan made it out. Smoke poured out behind her, and the screams and wails of the burning dead came with it.

Pinkish dawn colored the eastern sky, and the first muted half light of morning filled the world.

Daybreak.

They made it.

They ran around the side of the house and came face to face with Lucy and Lynn. Lynn had no head, so she had shoved a football into the ragged stump of her neck and drawn a V shaped brow, angry eyes, and an open, fangy mouth on it with Sharpie. Lucy crossed her arms and smiled. "We got you now, piggies."

Screaming, Lincoln lunged at her and chopped her head off. It flew to one side, rolling in midair and screaming "Fuuuuuuck" the whole way. Luan jammed the chainsaw through Lynn's stomach and turned her insides to jelly. Lynn fell to the ground and spasmed.

"Hey! Freeze!"

A fleet of police cars were parked around the charred, smoking ruins of Vanzilla and a dozen cops pointed their guns at them.

"Drop the weapon!"

Lincoln's knees gave out and he stumbled forward.

The police opened fire. A hail of bullets tore into his chest, spinning him around. "LINCOLN!" Luan screamed.

Suddenly, the police were on top of her and wrestling her to the ground. One jammed his knee between her shoulder blades and another dug his knee into the back of her neck. Panic filled her and she fought back. The cops surrounded her in a circle and beat her mercilessly with billy clubs, some kicking her in the sides. One kicked the chainsaw off her hand and another cuffed her. They dragged her to her feet and marched her to a waiting cop car just as a fire truck pulled up. Firefighters in full regalia jumped out and started running hoses across the ground. "You don't understand!" Luan screamed. "They were zombies!"

A man in a tan uniform and Stetson stood at the open driver door of one of the cop cars, a CB in his hand. "Jesus, Jack!" someone called. "There's gotta be at least twenty bodies in there!"

"They were demons!" Luan screamed madly. "DEMONS!"

The sheriff looked at her in disgust. "You sicko. You'll go to the chair for this." He looked at the cops holding her by either arm. "Get this killer out of my sight."

They shoved her into the back of a car, and Luan's mind finally snapped. She slammed her head against the window and kicked the back of the seat. "Demons!' she screamed. "Demons!"

And all the while, the cabin burned.

Luan Loud sat in a padded cell at the Western Hills Hospital for the Criminally Insane, her arms wrapped around her in a straitjacket and her legs jutting out in front of her. She stared into the distance, too drugged up to think and too traumatized to forget. A killing spree, they said. She and Lincoln were incestuous lovers and when their parents found out and forbid their relationship, they killed them, they said. They couldn't explain why there were parts of forty-three different corpses in the cabin, though, and they really couldn't explain why some of those pieces had been dead up to fifty years. Did it matter, though? They had their woman and that was that. She was the sole survivor, Lincoln having died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, so who could defend her? It was her word against theirs, and she was just a nutjob with a chainsaw for a hand.

The killings were national news and hers and Lincoln's names were synonymous with madness. In the two years since, the word "Loud" had entered the popular lexicon to mean "crazy." If your buddy did something stupid, you said "That's Loud." Late night talk show hosts still cracked jokes about Luan Loud playing with body parts in the loony bin and blaming her murders on zombies. Kids told each other ghost stories about Luan coming to get her with her chainsaw hand. Old mothers told their children to be good or "Luan Loud will cut you up." 1216 Franklin Avenue had become a ghastly shrine and was visited night and day by ghoulish tourists. People said that the ghosts of the Louds haunted the place. A couple brought the house shortly after the killings and fled in terror twenty-eight days later saying they were attacked by evil spirits nightly. They were making a movie about it called The Royal Woods Horror. It was all bullshit, but so was Luan being here. They could say whatever they wanted about her in the press but she knew the truth. She wasn't crazy, she wasn't lying, she and Lincoln weren't perverts and they didn't kill anybody...anybody that wasn't a monster, at least.

The door opened and Luan tensed. A doctor and nurse came in, the former holding a clipboard and the latter a needle. "Time for your medication, Ms. Loud," the nurse said.

There was something strange about them.

Something evil.

With a start, Luan realized what it was.

They had yellow eyes.

They both pulled their lips back over their sharp fangs, and giving up on what remained of her sanity, Luan Loud screamed.

There were worse things than being a nuthouse meme, Luan discovered.

There were teeth.