It was unavoidable. I was going to be born very soon, one way or another.
Even before my body was done forming, and I was safe in my Touchan's womb, I could hear voices from the outside…and once I was just about ready, they were talking about me coming out. I was upside down still, because I liked it that way, but they had someone turn me around. Eventually, I learned from the words they said that I was supposed to come today.
But I was scared. I didn't want to. And I didn't understand. Why did I have to leave? I was happy here. I was surrounded by powerful youki, feeding off of it as my own got stronger, too. I was in a warm sac of liquid, in a warm body. I could hear Touchan's voice, and his heartbeat, too. When he walked around, he rocked me to sleep. When I was awake, I loved to practice moving my arms and legs, and I even practiced making faces and breathing air. When he put his hands on his belly, I made sure he knew I was in there. I loved it when he talked to me. When he felt happy or sad or excited or worried, I felt it, too, even if I didn't understand why he was feeling those things. As I grew, I had less room to move around, but it did make me feel tight and cozy. I was calmed by the safe walls of his womb all around me.
I knew my Otou-san, too. I always knew when he was in the room, because I could sense his youki and hear his voice. I loved the sound of his voice, and I made sure to remember it, the same way I remembered Touchan's. I was so excited whenever he was in the room with me that I couldn't help but move around more, kicking my legs and flailing my arms in every direction. He often felt Touchan's belly, too, and I made a point to kick his hands. Touchan would tell me to kick for him sometimes, and I would! At first I was too small for anyone but Touchan to feel my movements, but once I got bigger, I was so happy that Otou-san could feel me saying hello! When my Touchan and Otou-san were together, I could feel my Touchan's happiness, and it made me feel peaceful. When they were apart, I knew my Touchan was feeling sad, and I felt sad, too. There were other people around me when I was in the womb, but I liked Otou-san the most.
Who would want to give up my life? I wanted my Touchan and me to be together forever. I never wanted him to leave me. The busy world seemed so scary to me, and when I was inside Touchan, I was protected. I just had to listen to his heartbeat and feel his energy and warmth, and I would be okay. I couldn't imagine losing all that.
So on the day I was supposed to be born, I didn't vacate the premises. I stayed in for so many days, as long as I could. But then, one day, my Touchan said he was going to make me come out. I was so hurt. Didn't he want me anymore? I knew he was sad, too. I could feel it. I could hear him crying. Why?
But I thought about it a lot. I wasn't going to be forced to come out. Even if I wanted to stay inside, it seemed like that wasn't an option anymore. So I decided I would come out on my own, just so I could do it on my own terms—sort of like resigning to avoid being fired.
Even so, I couldn't do it right away. I had to get ready, and I had to make sure my Touchan's body was ready, too. I didn't have to let him know I was ready, just his body, from the signals I was able to send. Together with my Touchan's body, I helped him get ready in a lot of ways, everything from softening up my exit point to making sure he made enough milk. It seemed that I even made him smell a little different. We went to the baby store and I almost made my Touchan buy a stupid pink rabbit, which I thought was funny, but Otou-san wouldn't go for it.
When I finally felt ready, I had so much more energy. It was time. That night I could feel my Otou-san's hands on me, so I kicked them. By the morning, I managed to push myself a little bit further down, so it would be easier to leave the womb. It still wasn't possible, though, since the womb was mostly sealed shut, still. But I knew how to make it open. Like before, all I had to do was tell my Touchan's body that it was time to start.
It was clear to me when Touchan first felt it. I could sense his happiness. He was excited to meet me. And when my Otou-san came home, he was excited to meet me, too. Everyone seemed happy. But then the strangest thing happened.
I lost my courage.
No, I thought to myself. I knew I couldn't do it. I didn't want to leave! Touchan's heart was beating a little faster, and he felt so happy and warm. That was exactly the feeling I would miss when he pushed me out into the world. So I stalled. I was supposed to let his body know when it was time for all this to happen. I was supposed to work with his body, to help his womb tighten and open up so I could get out, and then later, tell his body to push. But I didn't have to do that if I didn't want to. There was still a chance I could stay inside.
Even so, I'd already told Touchan's body that it was time to start labor, and however slowly it was happening, the entrance to the womb was opening up, and the womb was tightening and squeezing me, pushing me closer to the entrance. Touchan was sleeping, and I didn't move as much then because he was lying down, but I just couldn't stop it anymore. Labor was progressing. At some point, he woke up, and later, I heard him talking to Otou-san. I had been thinking maybe I didn't have a choice in coming out, but I felt worry in my Touchan—something I hadn't felt when labor first began. I was so confused. Wasn't this what he wanted? The opening to the womb was definitely getting bigger now, and I was being squeezed harder than ever, but I could feel stress coming from my Touchan, and it made me even more scared of coming out.
This went on for hours and hours, and it was made even more confusing by what my Touchan was doing. Did he want me to come out or not? He was acting like he didn't, but he kept doing things that would make it happen. I didn't have much of a choice. It wasn't just the womb opening up, or the squeezing around my home. Touchan moved a lot, and stood upright, which made me move downwards even more. The warm, wet sac around me almost broke a few times! I managed to stop that from happening, though, since I had a feeling it would be even harder to stay in after it broke. Finally, after doing everything I could think of to stay inside, I heard my parents talking.
"Kurama," Touchan moaned. "I-I don't think he's coming out."
That's right, I thought. Not if I can help it.
"Of course he is," said Otou-san. "You're in labor."
"And for how many hours?"
"Well…it's almost three-thirty," said Otou-san, "so…wow. Twenty-four hours."
I felt my Touchan's groan as it rippled through his whole body. He was moving his hips, which made it very difficult to stay in because it kept moving me downwards. I kept bumping my head against the entrance to the womb, which wasn't yet big enough to accommodate me, but it was getting there, growing wider every time the womb tightened around me. The squeezes and the movements pushed me downwards, and the opening to the womb kept widening. I wanted to stay in, but could I?
However tense my Touchan seemed, my Otou-san seemed calm. And soon, as he kept speaking, I could feel Touchan calming down, too. I felt his hands on his belly, and I felt safe again. Then, he spoke to me. And I listened.
"Don't worry, little one," he was saying. I could feel his love as he rubbed his belly, and I tried to send some back. "I'm still going to be here for you after you're born, and so will your daddy."
I wondered if that could really be true. Even after I was born, he would be there? But how? What could he do that was better than the life I had now?
"When you're not inside me anymore," said Touchan, "I can hold you in my arms, I can kiss you and nurse you and cuddle you, and you'll still always be with me. Won't that be wonderful? Your daddy and I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise."
Hold me? Kiss me? Nurse me? Cuddle me? All those things sounded great! Suddenly, I felt happy again, my love for my Touchan coursing through me. And when it did, the womb squeezed me a whole lot tighter than it had before, and for much longer, too. I heard my Touchan groan, but he stayed calm, rocking me back and forth, and that made me feel calm, too. As he relaxed, so did I.
The rest of the afternoon was very pleasant for me. My parents spoke to me, Touchan kept rocking me, and the womb tightened so much that I couldn't help but continue my journey downwards. Eventually, Touchan stopped walking whenever his womb tightened, and he was a bit loud until it loosened up again. I hoped I wasn't hurting him.
Still, he didn't go back to the tension we had been experiencing before, no matter how tightly I was squeezed. His calm radiated through me and made me feel very peaceful. I was so happy when I heard my Otou-san's steady voice in the background. It sounded like he was reading something. I didn't understand the words, but it just felt so soothing. I relaxed my entire body, immersed in both my Otou-san's voice and my Touchan rocking me back and forth, back and forth, helping me move downwards even when the womb wasn't tight. I didn't have to do a single thing. It was happening and I was okay with it now, because I knew Touchan would still be there, and his calm made me feel calm, too. Sometimes he had his hands on his belly, which I loved.
I was being rocked back and forth, as the womb became so tight around my body that I felt it might squish me, when the sac around me broke! I was surprised as the liquids left the womb and left me open like that, but what could I do?
"Eeeeeyaaagghhh," said my Touchan loudly. The womb was still squeezing me tight.
All of a sudden, the mood changed. The reading stopped. Otou-san's voice changed from calm and steady reading to still calm, but with a sense of urgency. I was still relaxed inside Touchan, and although he kept rocking me, it was a different kind, the kind from when he walked. I liked being walked, but where were we going?
And then, I was suddenly surrounded by youki. It was everywhere. Not only that, but I heard sounds I liked, such as birds and water. Touchan relaxed even more. More hours seemed to pass as the womb became so incredibly tight around me again and again, moving me downwards each time, as the entrance to the womb opened wider. Touchan no longer walked or talked when this happened, but when it eased up, he walked me around and around, telling me all about what my life would be like on the outside.
Later that night, I got to soak in some water, sort of like the sac that had broken around me hours before. I liked the feeling of floating very much, and Touchan still kept talking to me.
"This is called a pond, baby," he was explaining. I could feel his hands stroking his belly, and the water seemed to make him feel calm, too. "It's good for swimming or fishing. In a few years when you're a big boy, we can take you here, too, and you can learn how to swim."
I was glad I would still be able to go places with Touchan, even when I wasn't inside him. I had been afraid that I wouldn't get to see him anymore after I was born, but now I knew that wasn't the case.
Hours and hours and hours went by. I kept getting squeezed and squeezed, so tight I felt I might burst, and it happened a lot! My head found the opening of the womb, and I felt a happy sort of nervous. Was it really time to be born? I was enjoying the way my Touchan felt. I could tell he was ready for me now. He was breathing, sending air to me through my cord.
Come on out, little one. I love you. Touchan didn't say those words, but I knew he thought them, and I knew there was only one way to show that I loved him, too.
It was my Touchan's body and me working together like never before. I felt it all with him, and I could tell that he felt as good as I did, although he was making sounds I'd never heard him, or anyone else, make before. The tightening happened again and again; each time it did, Touchan's body would push me down, down, down. I was out of the womb, the birth canal squeezed so tightly around my body, but I just fit. Every time my Touchan pushed, I went farther down again. I knew he was upright, too, in a sort of squatting position, and it would be a straight drop to the ground. As I passed through, I sensed feelings from my Touchan that I almost never did. I could tell he was feeling amazing in both his body and his mind. I tried to help by sending him as much love as I could. And finally, I felt the tip of my head exit his body.
I could already tell, as more of my head emerged, that Touchan was enjoying this experience just as much as I was. That made me happy enough, but my heart burst when I felt his fingers brush against my hair. I loved it! Touchan and I had made our first contact, and it was wonderful. His hand stayed right there as he pushed again, until finally my head was all the way out, while the rest of my body was inside his.
There was so much air around, clearer than in my Touchan's body. Breezier, too. There were sounds from birds and rustling of trees. I tried hard to open my eyes, but it was difficult. I waited there, his fingers gently exploring my face—my eyes, my nose, my lips, my chin—as I hung suspended between his legs.
Come on, baby, he was saying to me in his head. Don't be afraid.
After that, it all happened so fast. I felt my Touchan cradling my head in his hand as he pushed my shoulders out. Then my body followed, I was out, and he was pulling me up into his arms as I cried and cried. I didn't do it on purpose; it was just that I was expanding my lungs, shocked by the cold of outside, amazed at how free I felt now that I wasn't being squeezed anymore. Was I really here, out in the world? And was this really my Touchan? Well, I didn't have to ask. I knew it was him.
Touchan was crying, too, and I didn't know why, but it was okay, because I knew he was happy. I kept crying as he held me out in front of him, but I felt an enormous surge of love and calm when he placed me on his chest. I adored the feeling of his skin against mine, and the warmth from his body warmed me up, too. He bounced me a little, sort of like when he was rocking me, and I could still hear his heartbeat, and I melted into the sensation, his arms still around me, keeping me safe and loved forever.
My tears stopped, and I heard Touchan talking to Otou-san as he rubbed my back. When I opened my eyes, though, Touchan seemed to start crying all over again. I hadn't associated crying much with happiness in the past, but now, happiness and love were all I could feel, both from me and my Touchan. Maybe he thought my eyes were pretty. I liked his eyes, too. I liked to look into them and feel the connection when I did. He played with my hands and gave me kisses. I wondered what I had been afraid of. He was here with me, just as he'd promised.
After some more of this, my Touchan shifted me to the crook of his arm, and though I felt just a little nervousness from him, I felt happy, because I realized my first meal was finally coming. It wasn't until then that I realized how hungry I was, and my Touchan's breasts were right there waiting for me, full of milk. I opened my mouth when I saw a little bit of it leak out, but I found that my head wasn't close enough to reach. I stuck my tongue out as far as I could, so that I was just barely able to reach my Touchan's nipple. I got the drop of milk, but I wasn't close enough to start suckling.
Luckily, my Touchan seemed to figure out the issue, which was that my head was too far away from his breast. When he fixed this problem, I tried my best to get a good latch. Touchan was able to hold me still as I brushed my lips against his nipple, licked it again, and tested what it felt like in my mouth. It was a little bigger than I thought, and it slipped out, but when I finally managed to get it in again, I tasted the most delicious milk flowing into my mouth and filling my tummy up.
It was the most wonderful I had ever felt. I placed my hands on my Touchan's chest, closer to him than ever, relaxing my body in my arms as I drank the milk he made just for me. I felt him relax, too, and I knew he was feeling the same connection. It felt like just the two of us, him feeding me as we soothed each other.
When I was done with the right breast, I wanted the left one, so I stopped drinking and bit down, but Touchan's reaction surprised me. Instead of switching me, like I thought he would, all his happiness went away. I even took my lips off the right nipple, but he still did nothing. My eyes filled with tears as I began to whimper. I wasn't done! I was still hungry, and I still wanted my Touchan! I still wanted him to nurse me, just with the left breast instead of the right.
I tried to communicate with him in the only way I knew how—crying. I grabbed for his breasts, but I couldn't reach them, and my coordination wasn't that great, anyway. I kept crying, feeling very distressed with the situation, until finally I was presented with what I wanted. That wasn't so hard, I thought, as I latched on. Since I had done it before, it was a little easier. As soon as I was nursing again, I felt myself calm down instantly, and so did my Touchan.
As he spoke with my Otou-san, I started to feel sleepy and full. After they had talked for awhile, and I was drifting off, I felt my Touchan's hand in my hair.
"Welcome to the world, Masaki," he whispered, giving me a kiss.
Was that my name? It was a good name, I thought. And as I felt the coziness of sleep approaching, still safe and nursing in my Touchan's arms, I realized that all along, I had never had anything to be afraid of. In fact, I was the luckiest baby in the whole wide world. Of all the daddies there were, I had gotten the two very best…and I couldn't have been happier.
-end-