A/N: Chuck's awake. Now what?
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I make no money from Chuck.
Chapter 34 – The Morning After
Saturday May 4 – Stanford Hospital ICU – after 7:45pm, seven days after Chuck's injury
"S- Sarah?"
Sarah's eyes were closed as she'd been softly singing to Chuck, picturing herself standing in front of him, singing, while he looked at her affectionately, his lips curved up in that special smile of his. The one he reserved just for her. She heard a rasp and her name being croaked out. Her eyes snapped open in disbelief and she gasped. Chuck was awake!
"Ch- Chuck!" Sarah stammered in shock. "Oh my GOD! You're awake! Oh, sweetie!" The tears came then and she was powerless to stop them. She released his hand so she could grasp both of his shoulders and lean in for a long overdue, if quick, kiss and hug. Not too tight as she was very mindful of all of his wires and tubes. Sarah desperately wanted to hold him in her arms and kiss him properly, but that would have to wait. When he slowly moved his arms to hug her back, she felt him shifting, so she quickly released him and sat up, gently clutching his arms to stop them from trying to surround her. "Don't try to move, baby. Just lie still for right now. Please." He relaxed and allowed his arms to drop back to his chest, just below where his phone was clipped to his hospital gown.
Sarah couldn't believe it. Her hands came up to clutch her cheeks in wonder. She shed more tears. Tears of relief and thanks. Tears of joy and love. As she cried, the stress of the past eight days began to drain from her body and her heart.
Her relief was so profound that she didn't notice Chuck getting more and more agitated and upset. He could hear her crying, but his vision was still blurry in the strong (to him) light and he didn't know what was going on.
"Water?" he coughed, blinking.
"Oh, right!" Sarah exclaimed, wiping her cheeks. She took a cup and the ready pitcher, which had been changed twice a day in anticipation of this moment, and poured him half a cup. Placing a bendable straw in it, she held the cup for him to sip from, cradling his neck to help him reach the straw, following the instructions she'd been given by the nurses for this activity. "Just take some small sips, Chuck. Easy. Easy." She watched him drinking in awe. He's awake. My Chuck is back! After allowing him a couple of sips, she pulled the cup back. "Only a little to begin with, baby. Take it slowly. I'll give you some more in a bit." She put the cup down on the side table, then turned back to him. He was looking around in confusion and tried to sit up.
"Wait, Chuck. Wait," she cautioned him, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from moving and, possibly, dislodging any of his attachments. "Easy, sweetie. Take it easy."
"Huh? What?" he sounded confused, shaking his head. That's when Sarah remembered that Chuck still had his earphones taped in his ears and was probably having a hard time hearing her over the recording. She pouted sheepishly as she reached up to remove the tape and the earphones so her newly awake boyfriend could hear more clearly. "That's more like it. You should be able to hear me better, sweetie," she huffed a breath, pleased when he nodded slowly.
"Wh- Where am I? When am I?" Chuck whispered fiercely; his face contorted in what looked like fear. It was Sarah's turn to be confused. Why was he afraid? "Am I really awake? Or are you another memory? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in New York? Why don't I remember this?" He asked, fear now evident in his voice, shaking his head in confusion.
Sarah was puzzled for a second until she realized he was reacting exactly like they'd been worried that he would. She needed to get him to understand. Show him the clock and the posters. But first, she pressed the call button. It was past time that she took that action. No one answered the call over the intercom, there was no need. Only two reasons warranted her or anyone in Chuck's room pressing that button. Either he was awake or something terrible had happened. Both calls elicited the same response and words were unnecessary. A nurse came running.
"What is it, Sarah?" Joanne Rucker asked anxiously, part hopeful and part concerned. Nurse Rucker was one of the nurses Sarah had met on Friday when the weekly nursing shifts changed over. Before Sarah could gather herself to respond, Joanne entered the room fully and saw for herself. Her face lit up in a huge smile, her eyes shining. "Welcome back, sleepyhead. My name is Joanne Rucker. I'm one of the nurses taking care of you. Speaking of which, how are you feeling?" Chuck looked surprised at what he was hearing.
"Not sure, really," Chuck admitted honestly, his voice sounding hoarse. Sarah offered him another short drink, before returning the cup to the table once more. Then she grabbed his hand in an attempt to keep him calm. It seemed to help somewhat as his face cleared a bit. His worry lines got less pronounced.
"That's perfectly OK, Chuck. Nothing to worry about," Joanne reassured him. "We'll bring you up to speed in a second. I just need to check you out first." Chuck glanced over at Sarah, who was looking more and more like herself and a lot less blurry as his eyes adjusted. The look on her face showed she'd caught what the nurse had said. She smirked at the memory of their conversation about that very expression.
Joanne walked up to the bedside and gave Chuck a quick visual once over, then surveyed the monitors arrayed around him, still beeping out their data. Satisfied, she ran through the standard vital sign checks. She scribbled some things down on a notepad, before stepping over to the data cart near the bed to update his records with whatever information wasn't automatically transferred by the various devices. Chuck blinked and watched her, trying to focus his mind.
Sarah let go of his hand and took the time, his temporary distraction afforded her, to text Ellie and the Songbirds that Chuck was awake. Awake! She kept looking up from her phone to make sure he was still there as if needing confirmation her mind wasn't playing a cruel trick on her. About the time the nurse finished typing, Sarah was finished sending her texts. The responses came back, fast and furious. Ellie was going to inform her parents before she and Devon joined her at the hospital. The elder Bartowskis were out to dinner with the Barkers. The CATS and the rest of the Songbirds were on their way, even though it was already past visiting hours. To Hell with the rules! Chuck was awake and they would not be denied.
"Please tell me what's going on, Sarah!" Chuck pleaded, his agitation rising again. It had only been a couple of minutes since he'd awakened, but the lack of information was already bothering him.
"Hold on for just a couple more seconds, Chuck," Joanne requested. "Let me finish inputting the last little bit of this information and we'll answer all of your questions." The nurse spared a glance at her patient and offered him a reassuring smile.
Sarah nodded, "She's right, Chuck. We'll tell you everything. Please don't worry. You're awake and not lost in your memories. And I'll prove it to you in just a minute. I promise." She gently took his hand in hers again and laced their fingers together, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Chuck nodded, but he was struggling. The memories that had been cascading through his brain left him disoriented. His 'movie' wasn't running the way it had been for so long. Or, he wasn't in his normal state of mind, so he was getting random snippets of past events that he did his best to ignore by trying to focus all of his attention on Sarah. She was his touchstone. Literally, his rock. But he was getting jumpy and passively lying in the bed was getting more and more difficult. He was just about to jump out of his skin when Nurse Rucker typed one last item into the computer on the cart and pressed 'Enter'. Satisfied, the older woman turned to him and smiled.
"What is the last thing you remember, Chuck?" Joanne asked, studying him to see how he reacted to her question.
"Sarah was singing to me," he shrugged. "It felt like she was singing inside my head and outside, too. She was all around me," he smiled dreamily at his girlfriend who blushed when the nurse giggled.
"What was she singing?"
"I'm not sure, it was a song that I'm not familiar with, but it was about being together from this moment on, according to the lyrics," Chuck replied, concentrating on recalling the words he'd heard.
"I wonder …," the nurse pondered, tapping her chin in thought.
Sarah had an idea, so she unplugged the earphones from Chuck's cell phone and turned the recording back on. Not hearing what she expected to hear, she paused it again, then ran it back about five minutes before pressing 'Play' once more. As soon as the recording started, the room was filled with the sound of her voice singing the exact same song on the recording that she had been singing to Chuck, in person, next to him.
"You were singing that same song to him, Sarah?" Ms. Rucker asked.
"Yup!" Sarah chirped, beaming. The coincidence was amazing.
"I'll be damned," the older woman shook her head in awe, locking eyes with the grinning student. She was about to say more when her patient interrupted.
"I still don't know what's going on!" Chuck fussed in agitation.
"Do you remember playing in a baseball game, Chuck?" Sarah asked. "Pitching against Arizona?"
"Yeeaah, I remember that," he drawled slowly as he searched his memories carefully. Both Sarah and Nurse Rucker nodded.
"What is the last thing you remember about that baseball game?" His girlfriend wanted to know.
Chuck sat and thought for a minute, sorting through his fractured memories. After a couple of interminably long beats, which were, in reality, only a few seconds, Chuck sucked air in through his teeth and gripped Sarah's hand tighter.
"I slipped on the mound and got hit in the head by the baseball," Chuck frowned. When he tried to furrow his brow, he felt it tug painfully. Before he could reach up to feel where the tugging sensation was coming from, Sarah stilled his hand.
"Don't touch, Chuck," she admonished him. When his eye widened in surprise, and he felt another tug, she went on. "I promise we'll tell you everything. I swear." Chuck reluctantly nodded. "Are you sure that you have a memory of getting hit with a baseball?"
"Oh yeah, I remember that," he nodded again. "It hurt worse than anything I've ever felt before. That guy I was pitching to, Quintana, hit a rocket right back at me. If I hadn't slipped on that little wet spot on the mound either I could have caught the ball myself or been able to get out of the way and not get hit by it." He started to close his eyes as he recalled the painful memory. Sarah grew alarmed.
"CHUCK!" she yelped, squeezing and shaking his hand to try and get his attention. "Stay with me! Don't focus on your memories! Focus on me!" Chuck's eyes popped open and he smiled her special smile.
"I always focus on you, Sarah. Don't worry about that," he said sincerely, tilting his head slightly and looking over at her. God! He was so adorable when he did that, she thought. Even with the bandages and his shaved head. He just always managed to say the right thing. Honest and true. The sound of Nurse Rucker's laughter brought her out of her short reverie.
"Yeah, he's awake," she snickered. "I know for sure that you are too, Sarah." Sarah's cheeks pinked slightly.
"So, what happened to me after I got hit with the baseball? How did you get here so fast? You're supposed to be in New York at the championships, aren't you?" Chuck asked, looking between the two women.
"All of that is a long story, sweetie. I wasn't here for the first part, but Ellie was there at the game and told me what happened," Sarah replied. "Let me give you the Cliff Notes version, so you can get up to speed quickly."
"I will interject that your doctors have been notified and are on their way to see you," Joanne said.
"OK, maybe by the time y'all give me the short version they'll be here to fill in the rest," Chuck said, looking questioningly at his girlfriend and the nurse wondering about 'doctors' and all of his attachments.
"You should also know that I texted Ellie and the girls while you were watching Ms. Rucker working, so they're coming to see you, too," Sarah smiled, unsure if Chuck would be happy or upset with her for bringing his sister and their friends into the equation.
"Wow. OK … Um … So, you were telling me about what happened?" Chuck prompted.
"Right," Sarah nodded and took a deep breath. "So, you got hit in the head by the baseball. Ellie told me that you passed out immediately. It tore your forehead open and you were bleeding. Morgan, Coach Graham, and Mr. Moortgat got to you first when Ellie and Devon ran on the field. Devon and Mr. Moortgat worked on you to get the bleeding stopped until the EMS came and whisked you to the Stanford Hospital. That's where you are now. In the ICU."
"The ICU?" Chuck asked incredulously.
"Yup," she nodded.
"What then?"
"I can answer that," Joanne said. "When you first arrived in the Emergency Department, they x-rayed you and gave you a CT scan, both normal procedures for injuries involving the head and brain." Chuck nodded in understanding, feeling tugging on the top of his head. "The CT Scan revealed a linear fracture in your forehead about three inches long. Simple fracture with no bones depressed inward. At all. You were lucky." Chuck looked wide-eyed at what the nurse was telling him.
"Ellie told me that you turned your head away right before the ball hit you and that the doctors said you saved yourself from getting hurt worse by doing that," Sarah smiled gratefully, rubbing her thumb over his clasped fingers affectionately.
Chuck shrugged slightly. "And yet, you say I'm in the ICU."
"Yes, you are, because there is more to the story, Chuck," Joanne said calmly. He turned his attention back to the solemn nurse.
"The CT scan didn't indicate any visible swelling of your brain, but the doctors wanted to make sure," Ms. Rucker explained. "So, when you went into surgery, they inserted a probe in your skull to monitor your brain to make sure that it wasn't swelling or having any other adverse physical reactions to the force of being hit by the baseball. Once that was done, the plastic surgeon repaired the torn tissue on your forehead. That explains any discomfort you may be experiencing in that area currently."
"They stuck something in my head? To watch my brain?" Chuck sounded more curious than concerned. At least in Sarah's view.
"Yes, Chuck. You're being probed," she said, trying to keep a grin from forming on her face and mostly succeeding. Mostly. Talking with him seemed so normal. Well, as normal as it could be with him sitting in a hospital bed with a shaved head and all wired up to monitors.
"Probed," Chuck huffed wryly. "And not an alien in sight." Sarah giggled. Nurse Rucker snorted in amusement and twisted her mouth to the side when she shook her head. Crazy Stanford students, she thought to herself. Then she grew serious again.
"The fracture wasn't bad enough to require any other treatment besides protecting it and allowing it to heal on its own. That wasn't the problem."
Chuck caught the nurse's serious tone and looked at her. "What was the problem then?"
"You came through the surgery just fine. No issues," Joanne continued. "But after the normal time for the anesthesia to wear off came and went, you still didn't wake up. That's when the doctors realized that you were in a coma."
"Or something resembling a coma," Sarah added, attempting to amend what the nurse had said.
"A coma? A coma!" Chuck exclaimed, looking from nurse to girlfriend and back. "Or something like one? More like one of my episodes, you mean. How long have I been in this coma or asleep or whatever?"
"A week, Chuck," Sarah said sadly. "Today is May 4th. You got hurt last Saturday, April 27th."
"A week! I've been having a week-long episode? Oh, Sarah, I'm sorry. Y'all were in New York for your competition. And you had to come all the way back here because of me? That's terrible. I ruined everything for you!" Chuck lamented, his emotions threatening to overtake him.
"No, Chuck. No," Sarah said adamantly, shaking her head. "We did compete in the championship. And we won!" Chuck's sadness flipped 180 degrees to instant happiness for Sarah and the Songbirds. "Yup, the Stanford Songbirds are this year's national collegiate acapella champions. You didn't ruin anything." She smiled happily.
"You won! That's wonderful, Sarah. I can't wait to watch the video. But if you competed and won, when did you come back here?" Chuck wondered.
"Your dad chartered a plane to bring us all back last Saturday night almost as soon as we got back to the hotel after our victory. That's when we learned about you getting hit," she replied a bit tentatively, knowing it would upset him again. "He knew that we … that I would want to be here for you after you got hurt. To be by your side."
"So, I did ruin your victory celebration, didn't I?" Chuck asked, getting upset again. "You cut short your visit to New York just to come back and sit with me for the entire week?" Chuck looked truly distraught. "All because of my stupid brain. Oh, my God! I'm a terrible person. I'm so, so sorry for cheating you out of your celebration and a chance to have a good time in New York, Sarah." He shook his head, now angry with himself. "I can't stop being a bad boy, no matter what I do."
"What?" Sarah was confused. A bad boy? A terrible person? What was he talking about? None of this was his fault. Why was he trying to take the blame for getting hurt? She looked over at Ms. Rucker who looked just as confused as she felt.
At that very moment the doorway to the room filled with his mother and sister, his father and Devon close behind. Cole and Gillian Barker were trying to peek around the other people in front of them. All of them were looking anxiously into the room, trying to catch a glimpse of Chuck to confirm, for themselves, that he was awake. There were noises in the hallway that presaged the arrival of the Songbirds on top of everything else. As soon as Chuck saw his mother, his childhood memory came rushing back to him and he saw her upset and anguish from his early incident when he was three years old. He saw it clearly, as if it were happening all over again. Overwhelmed from the jumble of his memories that had been assaulting him for the past week and waking up only to learn how he'd ruined Sarah's long sought championship, he burst into tears.
"Oh, Mommy, I'm sorry for making you cry," Chuck wept. "I'm such a bad boy for hurting you so much. For hurting everyone. Ruining everything. All of the time. I'm sorry, but I can't seem to help it. I'm too weak. I constantly fail. What a terrible person I am." Something was very wrong. He sounded like a contrite child. Everyone was stunned silent by his shocking announcement. The only sounds to be heard were Chuck's heartbroken sobs.
Mary Bartowski and Sarah reacted at almost the same time. Chuck's words brought back Mary's emotional turmoil from earlier in the week when she cried over remembering his episode before Thanksgiving all those years ago. Could her son be referring to that incident? Had he actually heard her talking about the holiday and, then, crying about it? Or was something else going on? She had no idea. Either way, she knew she needed to go to him so she could try and calm his fears.
Sarah didn't know what had just happened, any better than his mother did, but she reacted instinctively just the same. When Chuck had started to cry, he'd let go of her hand to cover his face as he sobbed. She reached up and carefully pried his hands away so she could gently, but firmly, grasp them in her fingers and squeeze them in an attempt to reassure him. Pouring all of her love into her grip, she felt their spark, their connection, stronger than she'd ever felt it before. Chuck felt it, too, because his sobs had begun to slacken when his mother reached his side. She gave Sarah a pleading look, so Sarah released Chuck's hand on that side. Mary briefly smiled her appreciation as she took hold of his open hand and pulled him into a hug.
"Oh no, my sweet, sweet boy," Mary cooed soothingly. "My good and kind son. You're not a bad boy, Chuck. You're the farthest thing from a bad boy. You're a caring and thoughtful young man. No one is upset with you. We love you! Everyone loves you." She let go of Chuck's hand to hug him tighter, so he wrapped his arm around his mother, crying anew into her shoulder.
When Sarah tried to release the hand she held, so he could hug his mother with it, he tightened his grip and refused to let her go. Sarah's heart both soared and broke at the same time. The fact that he needed her that much was gratifying and a little intimidating. It hurt her that he thought so poorly of himself, at least one some level. She didn't know what to do besides cling to his hand. She longed to hold him in her arms and tell him that he hadn't ruined anything. Tell him that she was a long way from being upset with him. Tell him that she, in fact, loved him. Even now, at this low point for him, she loved him. Like his mother had just said to him. That revelation would have to wait for the time being. Chuck needed his mother, needed his family, more. Although, his tight grip on her hand signaled otherwise. Sarah was too focused on what was happening in front of her to process that scrap of information at that particular moment. That would come later. Right now, Chuck was struggling.
"But … I ruin everything, Mom," Chuck protested between sniffles. "Since I was little. All of my episodes ruined things for everyone else. Upset people. I saw the looks on people's faces, I did." He slumped in mother's arms. "I thought Cole and I had it licked. Had it under control. But we didn't and here I am right back where I started. Or even worse. This time I screwed up Sarah's trip to New York. Messed up things for all of the Songbirds. Messed up things for all of my friends. It's not enough that I hurt my family. I've got to hurt my friends, too. Hurt Sarah. That's the last thing I want to do." Sarah squeezed his hand, trying to convey the depth of her emotions. She reached over and grasped his forearm to reinforce her feelings for him, but she wasn't sure he realized it. Chuck seemed to be too lost in his misery. When she looked over at the doorway, she saw that his father had tears in his eyes and Ellie was actively crying into Devon's shoulder while he held her in his arms, looking distraught himself.
"First off, Chuck, you haven't ruined anything. Either now or any of those other times," Mary corrected her son. "If we were upset at all it was because we love you and care about you and were … are worried about you. Worried for you. And you did have it under control. You've been doing great for so long. It was your getting injured that brought on your episode. There was no way you or anyone else could have either predicted or prevented that from happening."
"That's what I'm saying. I cause needless worry for too many people," Chuck objected.
"Chuck, you need to stop saying that. Stop thinking that," Mary admonished her son. "We're your family. We'd worry about you regardless of whether or not you had your episodes." Chuck looked at her uncertainly. "Yes, it was challenging to raise you and get you educated so you could get a good start to your life. But, so was raising Ellie and getting her educated. Her challenges were just different from yours. Not better or worse. Not more or less. Just different. Being a parent is challenging. All of the time. For everyone who's a parent. One day, you may find that out for yourself. They don't offer college degrees in parenthood."
"But-," Chuck began.
"Hush. Don't Chuck. Just don't," Mary gently cut her son off before he could begin to spiral. "You've made the most of your unique gifts. You've risen above your challenges. Turned them into blessings. Don't focus on the negatives. Instead, focus on the positives. Focus on the things you've created already. Think about the things you're studying. Your research. What you hope to accomplish in the future. Think of the people you've helped up to now. And the people you have a chance to help in the future. All of the people you've come into contact with. Your life is better for it and so are theirs."
"I know mine is, that's for sure," Sarah commented sincerely. Mary snorted a one note laugh.
"See, Chuck? There you go," Mary smiled. "You've made Sarah's life better and there's more besides her. More than you know." Sarah nodded her agreement with that statement. He sighed while he nibbled on his lower lip.
"I don't know, Mom," Chuck frowned. "I need help. I really do. I wish Cole was here. All of my defenses are down and I need him to help me put them back in place. It's taking all of my effort to stay focused on the present and not give in to my memories again." There was a small commotion in the doorway when Cole slipped past Stephen and Ellie and entered the room.
"Then it's a good thing that I'm here, isn't it, mate?" Cole announced, grinning. Gillian came up alongside her husband, after making a more polite and restrained entrance.
"Commander Fuck-Nuts!" Chuck blurted out without thinking, before realizing what he'd just said and blushing crimson, sucking his lips in and biting them in embarrassment.
Cole grinned at Sarah. "I told you some of the names he called me weren't fit for mixed company," he said, waggling his eyebrows as his grin grew. More than a few people in the room, or out in the hall, giggled.
"I guess you weren't kidding," Sarah grinned back. She looked at her boyfriend's abashed expression and her grin softened into an understanding smile. "It's OK, Chuck. You've had a tough day. A tough week. None of us are upset with you. Least of all me."
"Still. That's embarrassing." Chuck ducked his head sheepishly. Looking at Cole, he continued, "I need your help, Cole. It's all gone. My defenses. I need to put it all back as soon as I can. Sorry," Chuck apologized.
"Nothing to apologize for Chuck. You took a very nasty knock on your head. It could have been a lot worse, to be honest. We know what to do to get things back in working order. We'll get you fixed up right as rain in no time," the older man said confidently. "Commander Fuck-Nuts reporting for duty, Sir!" He snapped his right hand up to his brow in a proper, palm out, British army salute while he slammed his heels together to come to rigid attention. More snorts and chuckles. At his side, Gillian rolled her eyes, but only Mary and Sarah saw her reaction. Besides Chuck, that is. Both women tittered in amusement at the retired soldier's antics.
"I hope so. I'd like to get started as soon as possible," Chuck said, behind his renewed blush.
"Not until you've seen your doctors, Chuck," Joanne Rucker and Mary said almost simultaneously. Chuck's eyes widened at the intensity in both women's voices, but he acquiesced with a sigh and nodded.
"Speaking of doctors, Mom, I think I might need some more help than even Cole can give me. Everything is out in my head now. Stuff I've kept locked away for a long, long time. Stuff I still had bottled up when Cole was working with me. Maybe it's time for me to deal with those memories. Or, at least, try to deal with them. Do something to lessen their impact on me, if I can," Chuck said.
"I was thinking the same thing, Chuck," Mary said, her eyes narrowing in thought. "And I think I may know just the right person to have you talk with, too. Do you want me to call them?"
"Please, Mom. Go ahead and call them. I want to get my head put back together as soon as I can. It might not help, but I can't see how it could hurt," Chuck pleaded.
"I'll give them a call as soon as I walk out of your room, I promise, Chuck," Mary smiled and squeezed his hand.
"Thanks, Mom," Chuck said gratefully, but when he went to hug her, he stopped and looked at the wires and tubes attached to him, huffing a breath in consternation. "Can all of this stuff be taken out of me? They're kind of getting in the way!" he complained, catching Nurse Rucker's eye.
"Not until the doctors give their OK. Sorry, Chuck," Joanne apologized. Chuck grumped and shrugged. He knew he'd just have to be patient.
"Is it OK for us to come in and spend some time with Chuck while we wait on the doctors?" Ellie asked diffidently.
"Sure, why not?" Joanne smirked, waving her hands in defeat. "We haven't been following the normal rules in this case from the beginning anyway." Ellie giggled and she, Devon, and her father joined the women and the Barker's at Chuck's bedside.
Stephen leaned in and awkwardly hugged his son, mindful, like everyone else, of the attachments arrayed around his reclining body. "It's good to have you back, son," he smiled sincerely.
"It's good to be back, Dad," Chuck replied just as sincerely. As soon as Stephen stepped back, Ellie dove in for her own hug, fiercer than the rest.
"I'm so glad you're awake, baby brother," Ellie sniffed at the same time she smiled. "I was so worried about you. You big dummy!" She giggled to lessen the bite of her remark. She really was glad that he was awake.
"I appreciate it, El. I really do," Chuck smiled in return. "So, I'm not that big of a dummy."
"I know, but I was worried anyway," Ellie sniffed again, her eyes glassy.
"I'm sorry about that," Chuck frowned slightly. "But, would it be OK if we talked later?" He asked, adding "Privately?" whispered through clenched teeth.
"Is everything OK?" Ellie looked at her brother worriedly.
"You mean besides just waking up from a week-long coma-episode-whatever because I got hit in the head by a baseball?" He smirked and Ellie snorted, giving him a very light and playful slap on his arm, but she nodded. "Yeah, besides all of that, everything is fine. At least, I think it is. I need to get my head fixed; my memories put back in their proper places. Otherwise, I feel … OK, I guess. Considering. No, I just had some stuff I wanted to discuss with you." Ellie's eyes widened slightly, but she nodded in agreement. Sarah was curious what Chuck wanted to talk with Ellie about, but the two siblings had been growing closer all year, so she wasn't too bothered by it. Besides, she knew Chuck would tell her at some point anyway. They didn't keep secrets from each other. Not after all of the drama from back in the fall. Well, besides his attempting all of those degrees, that is. That was one thing they would be talking about soon.
When Ellie stepped back a little, Devon came up and clapped his hand on Chuck's shoulder, giving it a brotherly squeeze. "Welcome back, Chuckster! You gave us all quite a scare."
"Devon!" Ellie glared.
"Well, he did," Devon said defensively. Sarah giggled.
"It's OK, sis. Devon's right. I know I scared everyone. I even scared myself," Chuck said, coming to his sister's boyfriend's defense. "It's only natural. And I understand that I need to say thanks to you, Devon, for what you did for me on the baseball field."
"Nah, bro, you don't. I didn't do very much but lend a hand to the trainer while he was working on you," Devon shrugged deferentially. "Then the EMS people showed up and they took over and whisked you away."
"Maybe. Maybe not. But thanks anyway," Chuck reached up and they shook hands. Devon looked embarrassed, but pleased. Ellie beamed. Sarah smiled in gratitude.
Once his family had a chance to spend some time with him, they stepped out of the way to allow Cole and Gill to have a moment with Chuck. The English couple's short visit was a mixture of happiness at their reunion coupled with the Barkers' sadness and concern for Chuck's injury and his resultant fractured mental state. In spite of all of the emotion, Chuck was grateful that his parents had brought them to Stanford. He needed them desperately, surprised to discover how much he'd missed them.
Through it all, he never let go of Sarah's hand or allowed her to move from his side. The arrival of his trio of doctors changed all that. The three men swept into the room amidst murmurs from the surrounding visitors.
"Welcome back, Mr. Bartowski," said the oldest of the three doctors. "My name is Dr. Charles Kurtz. I'm the neurosurgeon who worked on you."
"So, you're the one who probed me?" Chuck smirked. The older man chuckled warmly.
"Yup, you can blame your antennae on me. I hope you're not receiving any signals from outer space or secret government communiqués or anything," the doctor grinned.
"Nope. But it would be cool if I was," Chuck grinned. More than one observer snorted and rolled their eyes. Sarah giggled and shook her head. It was good to have her nerdy boyfriend back.
Chuckling, Dr. Kurtz gestured to the other two doctors, "These two gentlemen are Dr. Clark McSparren, your neurologist, and Dr. Bill Green, the plastic surgeon who worked on your forehead." Chuck nodded and shook hands with each of the men, in turn. Turning to the other people in the room, Kurtz added, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask everyone to step outside the room so we can examine Mr. Bartowski. We'll let you know when you can come back in. Even though it's after normal hours." He grinned.
"Who said anything about normal?" A feminine voice said from out in the hall. Light laughter could be heard while Chuck pulled an exaggerated pout.
Sarah smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Then she released his hand. "I'll be right outside."
"Thanks, I know you will and that makes me happy," Chuck's smile was heartfelt as he watched his girlfriend reluctantly leave the room.
While the doctors were checking on their patient and providing him with the details of his injury and treatment, Chuck's friends and family were busy getting the word out that he was finally awake. Stephen contacted Vivian McArthur and Langston Graham to give them the good news. Mary called both her and Stephen's parents, even though it was late back east. Both sets of grandparents were overjoyed at the news. Mary also contacted Laura Turner, so that Stanford administration and public relations staff could be brought up to speed and the baseball team would know, as well, in case Stephen couldn't reach Langston. Alex sent texts to her dad and Morgan, so that was another way Chuck's teammates could be told he was back with them in spirit, if not in the flesh.
It was Laura Turner who made sure that Big Mike Tucker got the news, which he immediately interrupted his baseball broadcast to share with his listeners. When he made the announcement, there was a huge cheer from the people gathered outside the hospital, only muted by the distance and the walls between them and the people loitering near Chuck's room. Obviously, they were listening to the game on their radios or phone apps. The news energized the fans and the Cardinal baseball team down in Los Angeles. Almost immediately, the team started hitting, managing to put up 4 runs in the top of the fifth inning and pulling ahead of the Southern Cal Trojans, 4-1. Meanwhile Sarah called the Colts. The older couple would be ecstatic to hear that her Chuck was back.
"Miss Maisie, it's Sarah," Sarah said when the call connected.
"What is it, chile?" Miss Maisie asked with trepidation. "Good news or bad?"
"Oh, good news! The best news, in fact!" Sarah squeaked, suddenly emotional again. "He's awake, Miss Maisie! He's awake." Her voice wavered, full of unshed tears. She could hear the older woman choke back a happy sob.
"Praise be, Miss Sarah. Praise be," Miss Maisie said, her joy and pride clear over the phone. "I jest knew y'all would bring him back ta us. Your love is a powerful thing, fer shure. No way fer Chuck to ignore that!" Her voice suddenly grew distant, but Sarah could hear her shout, "Chuck's awake!" There was an answering roar of approval. Miss Maisie must have turned away from her phone to loudly announce Sarah's wonderful news to the crowded restaurant. The regulars didn't disappoint. It was all Sarah could do to keep from crying harder when the line picked up again.
"Well, y'all got Michael all blubbering and he don't even care. He's smilin' so big, you cain't imagine," Miss Maisie giggled. "He's such a baby." Sarah snorted, knowing Maisie was crying herself. "I expect, y'all have other people to call and tell, so's I be lettin' ya go. Thanks for tellin' us, Miss Sarah. And you tell that boy to behave hisself and do wut the doctors tells him, hear? We don't need no more scares like that. Now does we?"
"No, we don't, Miss Maisie. I'll be sure to tell him, too. This has been enough excitement to last a lifetime," Sarah agreed. They ended their call and Sarah called her family.
"Mom! Chuck's awake!" Sarah rushed out as soon as her call to Coronado connected, not wasting time on proper telephone etiquette.
"Oh, baby girl, that's wonderful news! I'm so happy for you both. You must be so relieved," Emma replied. She, too, turned from the phone to share Sarah's news with Jack and Molly. It was the answer to their prayers and she hoped her elder daughter's stress levels would return to the normal, but still elevated, level of someone trying to finish up their undergraduate work and preparing to graduate. Emma was fully aware of the fact that she'd get the chance, after all, to meet this young man who was having such an impact on her usually focused and driven daughter, but, first, she wanted to hear the whole story. "Tell me what happened. When did you know he was awake?" Sarah happily recounted the story of the last few hours, including the amazing coincidence of her singing the same song that Chuck was listening to on the recording when he awoke. Reliving it all was joyful and trying all at once. As soon as she hung up from talking with her mother, Sarah crumbled. Ellie saw and quickly enveloped her in a strong, mutually comforting hug. The CATS quickly surrounded the pair, lending their strength to their friends. Sarah luxuriated in the calming embrace of her suitemates and closest friends. It took her a few moments, but she rallied, wiped her tear-stained cheeks and huffed a breath.
"Your brother is making me cry again, Ellie," Sarah pretended to pout.
"I know, but what can you do? He's just an asshole," the brunette pursed her lips and twisted them to the side.
"Maybe he just hates makeup and wants you to wash it off of your face," Zondra said sarcastically.
"Probably," Sarah admitted, rolling her eyes in consternation. "The big jerk," she fussed, dabbing at her eyes.
"The biggest," Ellie nodded, holding in a grin.
"God, I'm so happy he's awake. I kind of want to shout at the top of my lungs and dance around like a maniac," Sarah confessed.
"There it is," Ellie grinned knowingly. "He's a big jerk asshole, who you just happen to love like crazy." Sarah grinned and shrugged unapologetically.
"So, does that mean you've been taking dance lessons from Chuckles and you never told us?" Carina snarked. The others looked at the redhead in surprise before beginning to laugh.
"Oh, bite me, Carina," Sarah shook her head, trying to school her smile at her friend's comment. "Leave it to you to make a joke."
"What can I say? It's in my job description. 'Make Sarah laugh to relieve her stress by saying inappropriate things and cracking jokes'," Carina retorted. "It's all there in black and white."
"I've noticed," Sarah snarked back. "After four years living with you, I've noticed." She smiled then and reached over to hug her friend. "Thanks."
"No problem," the auburn-haired senior replied. "Just wait until you get my bill." The roommates, along with Ellie, shared a laugh.
Off to one side, Mary was making the promised phone call to her friend and colleague. She was happy to learn that they would be willing to come by the next day to meet with Chuck. It was a relief.
Saturday May 4 – Stanford Hospital ICU – after 9:00pm, seven days after Chuck's injury
The doctors had given Chuck a thorough examination and reviewed all of the data right up to the point of his waking up and what the machines were still reporting since that occurred. They were especially intrigued by what he told them about his state of mind. How his hyperthymesia and his mental movie had been behaving strangely when he first awakened, but was now slowly reverting to what he normally experienced, except that his shields against his negative memories were no longer in place. It was at that point they called his mother, Cole Barker, and Sarah into the room to discuss what the plan was to work with Chuck to reestablish those defenses. Even though Sarah wasn't a professional, the doctors all felt she'd earned the right to be there when they discussed his post-awakening treatment. Besides, Chuck had demanded that she be present to hear everything. He'd been most insistent about not keeping secrets from his girlfriend.
"Chuck tells us that the two of you want to begin reestablishing his mental defenses as soon as possible," Dr. McSparren said after the doctors had exchanged introductions with Cole.
"That's correct," Cole nodded. "He's concerned that the blow to his head has caused him to lose control of those defenses and his troublesome memories aren't contained as they had been any longer. They're free to invade his present at any time. Keeping them at bay takes an enormous amount of mental effort."
"Do you mind telling us what you do?" Dr. McSparren asked.
"Not at all, if that's OK with you, Chuck," Cole said looking over at the younger man.
"It's fine with me. Maybe what we do can help other people with other types of mental challenges," Chuck shrugged. Mary smiled proudly at her son. Even now he was thinking of others. And he thought he was a bad person. That needed to change quickly.
"Are you familiar with the method of loci technique?" Cole asked the doctors. All of them, including Mary, nodded. "Well, we use that with a bit of a twist. Instead of trying to enhance Chuck's recall, since he doesn't need help recalling things, we turn the technique on its head and use it as a way to compartmentalize his memories. Hide them away, so that he doesn't recall them constantly."
"How exactly?" McSparren wanted to know.
"First, Chuck gets prepared using the breathing techniques, mental exercises, and focusing drills we use in the SAS," Cole explained. "Once he's entirely and tightly focused, mission-ready as it were, we work through a set of memories he wants to shut away. Say, for example, upsetting memories from when he was over with us studying at Oxford or even younger, like when he was in grammar school. We visualize editing a strip of movie film. Literally cutting out some of the footage, just like a film editor does. Then, we picture putting the edited memory 'film' into a box and closing it up, putting a label on the box, and placing the box into a sturdy closet. The closet has a finite size and can hold a finite number of boxes. Chuck settled on six boxes or less per closet."
"Why less?" Dr. Kurtz asked.
"Some memories are bigger or more upsetting, if you like, than others. They affect him more, so he visualizes them being put into bigger boxes. Bigger boxes mean less boxes in a closet. Once a closet is 'full' we shut the door and lock it. We go down the hall and build a new closet to hold the next boxes."
"I've got an endless hallway with lots of closets. Each closet has a date range stenciled on it, so I know where each memory is. Or where it should be," Chuck volunteered. "Everything has spilled out of the closets now. That's the problem."
"If that's true that you lock away your bad memories, how do you have those headaches your mother told us about, Chuck?" Dr. McSparren scratched behind his ear looking confused.
"It's like when you get ready to go out. Before you leave your room or your house, you check that you've got everything you need. You know, your wallet, your keys, sunglasses, phone, handkerchief and so on." Nods. "Well, multiple times a day I picture myself testing each of the closet doors to make sure they're closed, locked, and secure. But if I get really busy, distracted, or stressed, I don't always have time to check the doors as often as I should. To do the mental exercise, I mean. Somewhere, my brain knows that I'm not checking those doors and that part of my brain starts to give me a headache. It's a warning that I need to check the doors or something will get out. The longer I go without checking the doors the worse the headache gets until something gets out and I have an episode." The doctors' eyes widened in surprise. It was an ingenious way of controlling his thought processes. "I've been really successful for a very long time. I hadn't had an episode since Cole and I worked out this technique. I'd had headaches, but was always able to deal with them and keep the doors shut. Until last week that is," Chuck frowned.
"Remarkable," Dr. Kurtz marveled.
Mary beamed. Chuck had told her what he and Cole had accomplished when he'd come back home, but it hadn't sunk in fully back then, not completely. This time it had, since she paid extra attention to what both Chuck and Cole said.
Sarah had kept silent through the entire discussion. What she heard was beyond amazing. What went on inside her Chuck's head? Even after knowing him all this time, she still didn't know how his brain worked or how he was able to go about his day every day.
"When do you want to get started?" Dr. Kurtz asked, directing his attention to Cole.
"As soon as possible," Cole replied. "Right now, if that isn't a problem."
"Wouldn't it be better to allow Chuck to have a good night's sleep, so he can start rested and fresh?" Kurtz asked.
"No!" Chuck interrupted frantically. "I don't want to go to sleep with everything running free in my head. I might not wake up!" Sarah grabbed his hand and gave it a supportive squeeze. He calmed down almost instantly, smiling appreciatively at her.
"Are you sure?" Dr. McSparren asked.
"I'm sure. Yes, definitely," Chuck replied instantly. Noticing the dubious expressions the doctors wore, he continued, "No one knows what is going on in my head but me. Trust me when I tell you that I need to get my memories in order, at least some of them, as soon as possible. I know it's late and everyone is tired. I'm tired, too, but I really, really need to do this."
"OK, Chuck," the neurologist responded, acquiescing. "How are you going to do it? How long will it take?"
"First off, we don't do it in one big session," Cole interjected. "That would be too big of a strain on Chuck. And me." He shrugged. "The last time we did this, we broke it up into shorter sessions, each one about two or two and a half hours long, including the warm-up process. We would get Chuck into his focused state and then work through his memories. Month by month. Year by year."
"Well, not exactly, Cole. We tackled some of my biggest and most bothersome memories first," Chuck corrected his mentor. "Then we dealt with the other bad memories in that orderly fashion. But I needed that foundation first. Remember?"
"Yeah, you're right, Chuck," Cole nodded. "I forgot that early part. Sorry, mate." Chuck grinned in response.
"So, a two-hour session tonight? With more tomorrow? Or for longer?" McSparren prompted.
"Right," Cole nodded. "One session tonight. More tomorrow and, yes, maybe not just tomorrow, either. With about a two-hour break between sessions. Mental relaxation and food. Bathroom breaks. That sort of thing. How long it takes depends on Chuck and how he feels."
"Makes sense," the doctor nodded. "Would either of you mind if we observed the first session?"
"I'd like to watch, too, if that's all right." Mary chimed in. She knew she needed to talk with him, but this was a good beginning.
"I don't mind, as long as you're outside the room and don't do anything to disturb Chuck's concentration," Cole said. "What do you think, Chuck?"
"Fine by me," Chuck agreed and smiled at his mother.
"I should go then," Sarah offered.
"No, Sarah. Please stay and watch. I want you to see this. I need you to see this, so you know everything about me, if that's OK with you. No secrets," Chuck pleaded, his lips turned up slightly in a tentative smile.
"Of course, it's OK with me, Chuck. You matter to me a lot," Sarah said, giving him a significant look. "I'll stand outside with your mother then, OK?"
"Perfect." Chuck's smile morphed into her special one.
Cole clapped his hands. "We better get on with it, then."
"Could I visit with my friends first?" Chuck asked. "They came all the way over here and I don't want them to have to wait for us to have a session. The nurses will probably kick them out before then anyway." Cole nodded.
"What about Chuck getting rid of all of his wires and tubes?" Sarah asked. "What's the plan for those? They're in my way." She smiled sheepishly, bouncing one shoulder. The others in the room laughed lightly. Chuck just looked as needy for contact with her as she was feeling for him.
"To answer Chuck's question first, why don't you take some time to visit with your friends before we send them on their way?" Dr. Kurtz suggested. Chuck and Cole nodded. "As for your question, Sarah, the plan is to leave everything attached through the rest of the weekend. We'll check back on Monday morning and if the readouts continue to look satisfactory, we'll take all of the intravenous tubes out and other wires off of him. Then we'll schedule a time for us to remove the cranial monitor. Depending on what's already on the surgical docket, that could happen anytime from Monday afternoon onwards into the week."
"How long will Chuck have to stay in the hospital?"
"That remains to be seen," Kurtz replied. "We'll be discussing that on Monday, as well. A lot depends on how quickly Chuck feels like he's back to how he was before he got injured. And how quickly we can schedule the procedure to remove the probe."
"That makes sense," Sarah reasoned. She turned her attention to her boyfriend and grinned. "Get better and make it snappy, mister."
"Jawohl, mein Liebchen [Yes, my dear]," Chuck nodded emphatically. "I'll get right on it." When Sarah snorted and smirked while shaking her head at him, he giggled. The older adults chuckled at their antics. Then they filed out of the room to allow Chuck's friends a chance to spend time with him.
Sarah organized the Songbirds so they could come in for short visits with Chuck, a class at a time. She sat by his side the entire time, basking in the relief and happiness, the sheer joy, of having him awake and talking with everyone again. Somehow, he missed them as much as they'd all missed him. There were lots of careful hugs and shy kisses on cheeks. A number of the girls made mention of an overdue victory dance which Chuck promised to share with the group as soon as the doctors gave him permission for such activity (and he'd seen the competition video, of course). Sitting so closely to him, Sarah could feel, and see, some of the tension leave his eyes and body the more he was able to talk with his friends. Even in his hand when she held it. It was almost like they were all sitting and chatting at dinner in Lakeside Dining Hall. Except for the hospital bed along with all of his wires and tubes. After everyone had an opportunity to reconnect with Chuck, the nurses swooped in and ushered the final group, the CATS, from the room. The girls all promised to come back and visit as often as they could to help keep Chuck's spirits up while he was 'incarcerated in this joint'. That last bit came from Carina, of course, with a wink and a smile.
"It's time, I guess," Chuck sighed. "I wish you didn't have to go, Sarah."
"I'll be right outside, sweetie. Just like you asked," Sarah smiled and softly stroked his cheek. His eyes fluttered. She was pleased to know that her ability to affect him that way hadn't changed.
"I know," Chuck sighed again, grumpily. "This is going to be tiring, but I really need to get going on it. I'm worried about what might happen if I don't. And I don't want to turn around and have another episode right after getting out of the last one."
"I know you don't, Chuck," Sarah replied. "You do what you have to do. As much as you can stand tonight. I'll be right outside. I promise." When she leaned down and kissed him, she could tell that he wanted to prolong their time together. So did she. Cole walked in as Sarah was leaving the room. "He's all yours, Cole." Then she whispered, blinking rapidly, "Please help him." The older man nodded, looking resolute.
"OK, Chuck, you know the drill. Get comfortable. It'll be different with you wired to that bed, but do the best you can." Chuck nodded, shifting around and then settling. "Right, let's begin."
Chuck began to take the first steps on his road to recovery. He didn't yet know how long that road would be.
Chuck's doctors watched Cole lead Chuck through his breathing and other preparation steps. His hyperthymesia was rare enough and his combination of mental conditions was actually unique, so that any opportunity to learn even the smallest bit of information was worth the effort as it could help, not only, Chuck but other people struggling with other mental conditions. Mary and Sarah stood side-by-side nearby with their arms around each other, so they could share their strength with one another. Stephen stood on the other side of his wife. Gill stood next to Stephen with a worried look on her face, her concern for both men in the hospital room shown clearly. Ellie and Devon had begged off, again, citing the never-ending work medical school demanded. Sarah had said her goodbyes to the Songbirds, telling the CATS that she was going to walk back to the dorm on her own.
"I've got stuff to think about," Sarah had said, pursing her lips.
"I'll bet," Zondra had quipped. Amy had looked concerned. Carina had remained silent, surprisingly, but had fixed her with a contemplative look before following the others out of the ICU.
Once Cole confirmed that Chuck was ready, they began to mumble back and forth to each other. Although the people watching couldn't hear all that well, they guessed that the two men were discussing Chuck's memories and going through the process of editing them and storing them in the closets Chuck was visualizing for them. It was a long process, fascinating, but repetitive for the viewers.
What Sarah didn't know, what no one knew, not even Cole, was that as Chuck was sifting through his memories, he kept coming back to the good memories that centered around her. He was surprised to learn that his troublesome memories carried less hurt when he took a few seconds to revisit memories of his time with Sarah. The process of storing away his bad memories was going smoother than it had in the past. Yes, it was true that he and Cole had done this before, but Chuck also credited Sarah and his feelings for her as part of the reason he was having a somewhat easier go of it this time around. His life was so much better, more positive than it had been over in England.
He really needed to talk to Ellie as soon as possible.
Saturday May 4 – Stanford Hospital ICU – just before 12:00 midnight, seven days after Chuck's injury
Chuck was exhausted. He and Cole had worked through a number of his memories. Mostly the bad ones surrounding his episodes in the past. They hadn't dealt with all of that set of memories, but they'd handled a good number of them. He wanted to continue, but he was close to falling asleep and that worried him. Terrified him, if he was being honest. The thought of falling into another episode kept him awake. When they finally called it a night, Chuck could see that Cole looked as tired as he felt. He could see that when the doctors, his parents, Gill, and Sarah came back into the room, they, too, looked worn out.
"How are you feeling Chuck?" Dr. McSparren asked. "The work you and Mr. Barker did was very interesting to watch."
"I'm tired, but OK. Feeling better, actually. More relaxed and in control, if only a little bit," Chuck answered.
"You seem concerned, honey," Mary observed. "What's bothering you?"
"I'm still worried about going to sleep, Mom," he admitted. "Have Cole and I put enough memories away so I can sleep soundly and wake up tomorrow? I don't really know."
"We could prescribe a mild sedative to help you sleep tonight, Chuck. The nurses will be checking on you throughout the night anyway. Not disturbing you, but merely monitoring the readouts," Dr. Kurtz suggested.
"I guess. I don't know really," Chuck shrugged, still looking worried. "This is a new situation for me. I've never had a head injury before, but I have lived with my memories in turmoil more than once."
"Was sleeping or waking up an issue for you then?" Dr. McSparren asked.
"No," Chuck replied, thinking. "And my worst memories were under control like they are now after what Cole and I just did." He shrugged. "Maybe, I'm OK enough to get some sleep. So, yes Dr. Kurtz, I'd like a sedative to help me sleep easier. I think I'll be OK. There's only one way to find out, really." He reached out and took Sarah's hand in his, feeling better when they were touching each other.
"OK, we'll do that then," the neurosurgeon pursed his lips and nodded. "I'll go set that up with Nurse Rucker right now. Then it's off to home for me. We'll see you in the morning, Chuck. Have a good night."
"Night, Doctor," Chuck said. The medical team nodded to everyone, bidding them goodnight, then left in search of Joanne.
"We better go, too, Chuck," Mary said. "It's been a long day for everyone. We'll see you in the morning, as well. It's wonderful to see you awake and alert." She and Stephen hugged their son before reluctantly walking out.
"Same for us, Chuck," Cole nodded. "Let's arrange the next session for tomorrow right after breakfast. Say 8:00 am or so. Right?"
"Works for me. Thanks, Cole. You know where to find me," Chuck grinned. The older man chuckled while his wife hugged both Chuck and Sarah before they, too, left the room.
"Alone at last," Sarah smiled at her boyfriend.
"Yeah, the things I have to do to get some alone time with you. It's enough to make my head hurt," Chuck teased. Sarah snickered, but frowned.
"Don't make light of it, Chuck," Sarah said as she sat down on the bed and leaned her head on his chest, steering clear of his many attachments.
"I'm sorry, Sarah. I was just trying to lighten the mood," he apologized.
"I know you were and I don't mean to complain, but I've been so worried about you for this entire time," Sarah knew she was whining, but couldn't help it.
"I know that, too. And I truly am sorry," Chuck shook his head, trying to clear his guilty thoughts out of his head. "It was an accident and there was nothing I could do about it, but I do feel guilty for hurting you. It really is the last thing I want to do." He pouted in frustration.
"I know, baby. And I'm not mad at you for anything, just scared," Sarah awkwardly hugged him. Tough to do from the position she was in on his chest. "I don't want to lose you." She was about to say more when Ms. Rucker came into the room. Darn it!
"Sorry to break this up, but it's time for your sedative, Chuck," the nurse sheepishly grimaced.
"No, it's all right, Ms. Rucker," Sarah shook her head. "It's late and I need to get going." The nurse was about to administer the sedative via one of Chuck's intravenous tubes, when Sarah held up her hand, so she paused what she was doing. "Wait a second! I forgot to tell you about your room, sweetie."
"What about my room?" Chuck wanted to know. Sarah got up from the bed and pointed to the big digital clock on the table.
"We got you that clock. It has the exact time and full date, including day of the week and the year. You can look over at it whenever you wake up to check the date and time," she explained. "That way you'll know you are awake at the present time in the real world and not lost in an old memory."
Chuck smiled, "Thanks. That's good to know." Sarah stepped back and began to move around the room, pointing out the movie posters hanging on the wall.
"Morgan suggested that we get movie posters to hang for you to focus on. While you're asleep, the nurses will move them around and change them out. Also, when you wake up, you'll know that it isn't some time in the past, but a new time in the present. There are more than three posters, so each time you'll be seeing something new or in a different location on the wall." Sarah grinned at him, proud of their cleverness. Chuck was amazed and touched. Sarah and Morgan. All his friends. They'd done so much for him for no other reason than they were his friends and they cared about him. He was almost speechless. Almost.
"My gosh, thank you, Sarah. Thank you, absent friends. I don't know what else to say," Chuck gushed, tears in his eyes.
"Don't say that too quickly," Sarah teased. "You haven't seen all of the posters we've got for you, yet."
Chuck snorted, "If Morgan was involved, I can imagine." Sarah just grinned mischievously at him.
"You'll just have to wait and see," she giggled.
"And you'll just have to get going," Joanne admonished, smiling.
"Party pooper," Sarah pouted, sticking her tongue out at the nurse, who just laughed. "But she's right, Chuck. I better go." She leaned down and gently kissed him, lingering as long as she could. When they parted, she whispered, "Be good and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow. Promise." With a final peck on the lips, she left the room.
I really, really need to talk to Ellie, Chuck thought as the sedative began to take effect and he drifted off to sleep, thinking of blue eyes, brilliant smiles, soft kisses, and his full heart.
Sunday May 5 – Stanford Hospital ICU – after 10:00am, eight days after Chuck's injury
Cole had arrived right after the breakfast hour to lead Chuck through his next memory control session. Chuck wasn't actually on any kind of food, liquid or solid, but the nurses had told him that would likely change later that day once the doctors came by on their rounds. He'd awakened with no problem after a fairly restful night's sleep. The clock had confirmed that he was existing in the present, so did the movie posters, which the nurses had switched around while he'd been sleeping. They'd just finished up a good two-hour block where Chuck had been able to lock away another set of memories. His internal movie was getting back into a more comfortable and familiar form with every box that was sealed and as each closet was secured. A side benefit was his other, Sarah-focused, movie was running more clearly with each step they took. He didn't mind that in the slightest.
His parents had come by earlier, saying they were going out to breakfast with some friends and would be back later. Sarah had called and told him she and the girls would come by later, as well, having slept late that morning. Chuck didn't begrudge them in any way, guessing that the last week had been a strain on everyone. He tried not to feel guilty about what he'd put them through. Gill had dragged Cole off for some coffee when their memory session ended, so for the moment, he was alone. Alone, that is, until an older man knocked on the door jam and walked in. He had a long face and was balding with a fringe of gray hair. His wire-rimmed glasses surrounded dark brown eyes which shone with his sharp intelligence.
"Good morning," the man said. "Are you Chuck Bartowski?"
"Yes, Sir. I am," Chuck answered.
"That's good. That's good," the man nodded. "I'm a friend of your mother's, as well as a colleague of hers. She called me last night and asked if I would come talk with you. My name is Leo Dreyfus. Do you mind if I come in and we visit for a while?"
It was time for Chuck to take another step on his road to recovery.
A/N2: Chapter title comes from the song by Maureen McGovern. Very appropriate title and spot on lyrics. Yes, it's the song that's sung in the original The Poseidon Adventure movie from 1972.
A/N3: The method of loci is a strategy of memory enhancement which uses visualizations of familiar spatial environments in order to enhance the recall of information. The method of loci is also known as the memory journey, memory palace, or mind palace technique (Wikipedia). If you watched the modern Sherlock Holmes series, Sherlock, on PBS, they used the method of loci in the season 3 episode 3: "His Last Vow". The origin of the technique dates back to ancient Rome and Greece.
A/N4: WillieGarvin's tireless efforts helped me to plug my leaky prose and keep it seaworthy, so I could bring this chapter safely into port without it capsizing (look at A/N2). Thanks for helping me weather the turbulent waters of story crafting.
A/N5: Thank you for reading. Please drop me a PM or leave a review. Let me know what you think. For those of you who have left reviews or PMs previously, thank you. I appreciate each and every one of them. Also, thank you to everyone who has followed or favorited the story.
A/N6: If you enjoy Chuck fan fiction here on the fanfic site, go over to Facebook and join the Chuck Fanfiction group that's there. You'll find nice folks who share your interest in our favorite spy couple. You are not alone.