Hiei's thoughts seemed to grind to a complete halt. No, that couldn't be what was wrong. It just couldn't. Pregnancy was something that happened to other people, not him. Having a baby, carrying a baby…Hiei wasn't upset or even shocked. He just didn't believe it.
"Oh, real funny, Kurama," said Hiei finally. "Don't be stupid. I can't be pregnant."
"Why not?"
"Because…because I just can't be." Hiei looked down at the ground, where the Tree of Life was now planted. "It's impossible."
"You know it isn't," Kurama told him, remembering the conversation he'd just had with Shizuru. "It's perfectly possible."
"I can't be pregnant, because we always use your contraceptive potion." Ha! An alibi.
"Not four weeks ago, when we did it at the supermarket, remember?"
"But…but we used a condom!" Hiei insisted.
"I have to admit, we were irresponsible," said Kurama. "That condom was old, expired. They do become less effective over time. And four weeks ago, exactly one month, was your fertile window, exactly the time we did it."
"If I was pregnant, I wouldn't be fertile now," Hiei said. "And I know I'm fertile now because my level of youki is way down. I can tell."
"I hate to say it, but a lower-than-usual power level is also a sign of pregnancy," Kurama reminded him. "The mother has less energy because it has to go to the baby. You're missing the heightened sex drive you usually get around this time, aren't you?"
"That's because I've been sick!"
"No, Hiei, you're missing your sex drive because you're pregnant." Kurama's voice was firmer now. "And you're sick for the same reason. Now don't you want to know what the Tree of Life does?"
"I don't care about your dumb tree!" Hiei was starting to panic. "I want a second opinion! There's got to be another explanation!"
"That's what this tree is going to tell us," said Kurama patiently, setting one hand on Hiei's shoulder. "I want you to take a deep breath, okay? Calm down and listen to me."
Hiei took a few deep breaths, then said, "Fine. What does it do?"
"Well, this tree needs a certain hormone to grow, a hormone that your body only makes during pregnancy," Kurama explained. "It can be found in your blood and urine. So next time you have to use the bathroom, do it out here, right in this spot. If the tree grows tomorrow, you're pregnant; if it doesn't, you're not pregnant, and you need to go to a doctor to find out what is wrong."
"You're sure it's not Makai Flu?" Hiei hated how his voice had taken on a sort of pleading note. "Or even Makai Fever?"
"Hiei, think about what you're saying!" Kurama said incredulously. "Your symptoms don't match with Makai Flu, and you'd better hope you don't have Makai Fever. You're too young to have been there, but five hundred years ago it wiped out a third of our population. Would you really rather have your skin turn black and fall off, or bleed from your mouth or your rectum, followed by a painful death, than be pregnant?"
"I don't know, I just don't want to be pregnant!" Hiei suddenly felt his lip trembling, and his stomach was churning. "Kurama…!"
"Don't worry, hon," Kurama whispered, giving Hiei a hug. "Everything's going to be okay. Will you take the test for me?"
"No, I can't," Hiei sobbed, clinging onto Kurama as waves of precious tear gems fell to the ground.
"This is a big change, love, I know, but change isn't scary if change makes sense," Kurama was saying. "Whether the tree grows or not, I'll be here for you, okay? We were partners-in-crime and now we're partners in life. I'll always love you, with all my heart, and anything we encounter, we can solve together."
"Promise?" Hiei sniffed.
"Of course." Kurama kissed Hiei on the head and let him go. "Can you go now?"
"No," Hiei lied. The truth was that he did have to go, as usual, but he wanted to come back later and take the test without anyone knowing.
"I can go inside," Kurama offered. "That way you can have some privacy."
"It's not about that," said Hiei. "Come on, let's just go inside."
"Suit yourself," said Kurama, and as they walked inside, he added, "You know, this reminds me. I don't think you've had anything to drink today, have you?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Well, you need to be drinking at least ten eight-ounce cups of water, or some other beverage, every day," Kurama replied, leading Hiei into the kitchen. "So before you leave this kitchen, you have to drink at least sixteen ounces. What do you want? Tea? Water? You shouldn't be drinking anything with caffeine or alcohol, of course…"
"Kurama, are you sure you're not just filling me up with liquids so I can take the test sooner?" said Hiei suspiciously, squirming at the mention of drinking anything. It was a good thing Kurama hadn't mentioned juice, because that was sugary and therefore would make Hiei throw up. "I'm sure if there's too much water in my pee, the test will be wrong."
"That's true of the regular kind humans buy at drugstores," said Kurama. "But my tree can detect much lower traces of the hormone, so you would have to drink a lot more than sixteen ounces in order for it to become inaccurate."
"Then why are you making me drink so much?"
"Because it's my baby, too," said Kurama, walking over to Hiei and kissing him on the side of the head. Hiei didn't know how he could stand it. "I have to make sure you both stay healthy, and that includes being hydrated."
"Fine. I'll have some tea."
"Coming right up," Kurama said, giving Hiei another kiss.
Hiei didn't kiss him back. It made his stomach feel kind of sick when Kurama said those words, and for once, he didn't think it was because of the pregnancy—that is, if he was pregnant at all. Having a baby was a lot scarier than just being pregnant; the sight of the tree growing in the backyard would be a signal of uncertain times to come, and Hiei didn't like that.
"I really don't think I can take that test, Kurama," he said finally. "I'm too scared."
"But think about what that means, Hiei," said Kurama gently. "If you really knew you weren't pregnant, you wouldn't be scared of taking the test. If you're scared of what the results will be, that means you know deep down, as I do, that you really are pregnant. It's a mother's intuition."
Hiei stared out the window, his heart thumping wildly in his eardrums. One "watering" of the tree, so to speak, and it would grow…and with that in mind, Hiei realized Kurama was right, as usual. If he didn't already have some sort of inkling that he was pregnant, he wouldn't be afraid to take the test. In fact, he'd have been eager to do it, determined to prove Kurama wrong. But he just felt that the tree was going to grow, and his life was heading in a completely new, terrifying direction.
"Tell me, Hiei," said Kurama. "In all our years of working together, have I ever let you down, big-time? Even once?"
"Maybe a few little times, but nothing major," Hiei admitted. "And there were many more times when you saved my ass."
"Right," said Kurama. "So if you're pregnant, and you aren't sure what to do next, do you really think I'll let you down this time? Do you really think I won't do everything in my power to help you? I made a promise to you, and I meant it." Kurama paused. "Hiei, are you sure you aren't ready to take the test yet? You look like you're sitting on a rattlesnake nest."
"Oh…okay!" Hiei definitely had been squirming, then. So he ran outside at top speed (something he hadn't done since he got "sick"), headed to the backyard, and before he could lose his nerve (or wet his pants), he peed on the ground, aiming for the patch of earth where Kurama had planted the seeds to the Tree of Life. Now, only time would tell.
…
Kurama finished making the tea as Hiei rushed out to pee in the backyard. The little fire demon could be so silly sometimes. Did he actually think that if he didn't take the test, he just magically wouldn't be pregnant? Kurama wasn't concerned that Hiei seemed frightened; that was a normal reaction to something so big and unexpected. But after the shock wore off, there wasn't a doubt in Kurama's mind that Hiei would be happy about the new baby, too.
After a few minutes, Hiei trudged back into the kitchen, looking as tired as ever.
"Okay, I should be good for the next twenty minutes or so," he said sardonically, climbing back into one of the chairs and letting his head land on the table.
Kurama smiled. "In that case, how would you like a nice hot bath?"
"Actually…that sounds great," said Hiei, his head perking up ever so slightly. "Will you come in, too?"
"Of course," said Kurama, kissing Hiei again. Even though Hiei squirmed away, Kurama just couldn't help himself.
Ever since the possibility of Hiei's pregnancy came onto his radar, Kurama had felt even more loving towards the smaller demon than before, and he couldn't stop covering him with kisses and hugs. Even though Hiei smelled bad, Kurama barely noticed it (and it was mostly his clothes that stunk, anyway, not his actual body). Every time Kurama looked at Hiei, all he could think of was the tiny new life growing inside him, and it was overwhelming, no matter how many times Kurama tried to process it.
I can't believe we're having a baby! Our own little baby! Kurama's heart flew with joy whenever he thought about it. He felt like his ecstaticity was going to bubble over at any second, like when you pour soap into a water fountain. But he had to stay calm, he reminded himself, until they found out the results of the test.
So after Hiei was done drinking the tea, along with half a bottle of water (maybe he didn't quite drink sixteen ounces, but Kurama figured he'd had enough for now), they went upstairs to the bathroom. Hiei's pajamas were filthy and covered in all kinds of smelly body fluids, so Kurama was more than happy to help him out of them as he ran the bathwater, waiting for it to warm up, since Hiei liked his baths scalding-hot. Kurama didn't light candles, in case the smell irritated Hiei.
"Okay, love, in you go," said Kurama, helping Hiei into the bath, once it was full. "Now let's add some bubbles…" With that, he reached for some rose-scented bubbles (thank goodness Hiei wasn't turned off by the smell of flowers!) and poured them in the water.
"That feels great," Hiei moaned, sinking down into the bubbles, up to his neck. Kurama placed a warm washcloth over the Jagan so it wouldn't get soap or hair products in it.
"Which shampoo and conditioner do you want to use for your hair?" Kurama asked. "Nothing with a heavy scent, right?"
Hiei smiled and nodded, closing his eyes in relaxation. "Pick the ones that smell like roses."
"You're the boss," said Kurama, and Hiei's smile grew wider. Kurama shampooed Hiei's hair first, rinsing away a few days' worth of sweat, dirt, and grease. Then he conditioned it to make the spiky raven locks soft yet strong, plus easier to comb. Then he got to washing Hiei's body next, from head to toe. Kurama was using rose-scented bar soap, because roses seemed to be a smell Hiei could easily tolerate, even in pregnancy. That was a time when most strong smells bothered pregnant youkai.
"I love that smell," Hiei declared.
"Thank you, but after this bath, you're going to smell like me," Kurama said jokingly.
"Would that be so bad?" Hiei said back. "You smell good."
Not too much later, when Kurama washed him "down there," Hiei seemed to be enjoying it, so Kurama drew it out. In fact, judging by his body's reaction, it was very likely that Hiei was enjoying it.
"Well, well…" Kurama grinned. "I guess you really do like it when I bathe you, Hiei, don't you?"
"I just like the feeling of being clean, that's all," said Hiei defensively. His cheeks were very red all of a sudden, and Kurama didn't think it was because of the hot water. Once he had washed Hiei's entire body, and Hiei was actually ready to come out, Kurama peeled off all his clothes and joined his husband in the water.
"Too bad these bath bubbles are so thick," Hiei said snarkily. "I can't see a thing."
"You sick bastard," Kurama teased.
It was extremely abnormal for Hiei to have no sex drive around this time, so Kurama was happy when Hiei seemed willing to make out. That was what they did, along with other things, until the bubbles were almost all gone, and the water was starting to get cold.
"Come on, hon, do you want to get out of the bath?" said Kurama finally. "We're starting to get all wrinkly, and I bet you would fancy a nap."
Hiei yawned and nodded. Kurama smiled, kissed and hugged him again, and helped him out of the tub. The whole time, Kurama's heart was as light as air. Things were looking up!