Kurama waited until he left the house to show any emotion at all. Even as he was driving into town again, he knew Hiei was making the right choice. Not because they couldn't give the baby a good home; Kurama was sure they could. But the baby should go to a family where both parents wanted it—not just one.
I suppose I was so happy about the baby that I assumed Hiei would be happy, too, Kurama realized.
Why was it that Kurama had never met this baby, but he still felt like he lost something? No matter how many times he told himself he was doing the right thing by agreeing to put the baby up for adoption, it was still the hardest thing he would ever have to do. But sometimes you had to do things that were hard, in order to help your Loved Ones.
I would have been such a good father, Kurama told himself, blinking tears out of his eyes. But if I want to prove that, I have to do the right thing.
It was fortunate that Kurama hadn't taken all of the baby merchandise out of the trunk of the car, because it was hard enough already to take it all out, piece by piece, until finally everything but the diapers (which he would return to the drugstore) were sitting on the doorstep of the trinkets shop with a note that simply read, False alarm. Since they were gifts, he didn't have to go inside.
Doing the return at the drugstore wasn't a lot of fun, either.
"I'd like to make a return," Kurama said tonelessly to the girl at the customer service desk, setting the diapers down on her counter.
"Do you have a receipt, sir?" she asked brightly.
"Yes," he said, handing it over. "It all should be in order."
It was one of those moments where you watch everyday life pass you by as you stand on the sidelines, trying not to bawl. Suddenly it seemed like there were children everywhere, all out in the parking lot while the girl did the return, in the store. Toddlers ran around begging their parents for candy; tiny newborns slept peacefully in baby carriages; mothers and fathers held young ones of varying ages and played with them, loving them so much.
Watching the children and their parents, Kurama felt such an ache, a longing, even jealousy that they got to keep their babies and he didn't get to keep his. They hadn't been trying, but the baby Hiei was carrying was still Kurama's son or daughter, and he was still its father, and he still loved it. He was a father now, with a baby he would never get to raise. There were no school-age children in the store, since it was a school day, but the young ones seemed to be out in full force.
"Sir? Sir!" Kurama was broken out of his brooding by the cashier's voice.
"Huh? What?" he said, jolting to attention.
"You need to swipe your credit card," she said, indicating.
"Oh. Sorry." Kurama swiped the card, as the cashier asked, but it was declined.
"Hmm…try it again," she said, and he did, but it still didn't work. Kurama swiped it over and over again, feeling embarrassing tears in his eyes again.
"Why won't this thing work?!" he demanded.
"Maybe the magnetic strip has dust on it," the girl suggested. "See if you can wipe it off."
Kurama started wiping the magnetic strip off with his shirt, but apparently the other customers were getting restless.
"What's the hold-up?" someone shouted down at the end of the line. "I'm trying to do a return here, you bastard!"
"Hey, we don't call people bastards," the cashier chided, sticking her head out towards the line.
"You know what? Keep them! I don't care!" Kurama shouted, dropping the diapers on the counter and storming out the door, ignoring the cashier's call for him to come back.
Now that all his errands were done, Kurama dropped his car off at the train station and started the second half of his commute to work. At least when he was on the train, he didn't have to worry about being distracted and crashing into something. But people were staring, and he knew they probably could tell he was fighting back tears.
It was even worse at work, because people knew him there, and they would want to know what was wrong. Usually he was at his best in the mornings—that, and he was always on time, if not early.
"You okay, Shuichi?" asked one of his coworkers when he ran into her at the water cooler.
"I'm just tired," he said dully.
"What are you doing here, Shuichi?" asked Kazuya, walking around the corner. "I thought you were taking the day off to celebrate your new baby."
"We were wrong," said Kurama, his voice shaking. "It's not going to happen."
"Do you want to take the rest of the day off anyway?" Kazuya asked sympathetically.
"No. I just want to pretend nothing happened and get on with my life." Kurama tossed his paper cup in the trash and bought a giant chocolate bar from the vending machine because he planned to eat his feelings. Then he went back to his cubicle and tried to remember what he had been working on last Friday. Last Friday…it was only a few days ago at this point, yet it felt like a lifetime. That was before he even knew anything was different about Hiei.
The day was long and tedious. Kurama had to call into a bunch of useless meetings and do a lot of spreadsheets. On one hand, it wasn't so bad to have a distraction, but on the other hand, the work was so easy for him that it wasn't much of a distraction at all. When he got home, he didn't go upstairs; instead, he turned on the TV and stared at the screen. Whatever news they were reporting, he didn't hear it. Unfortunately, since the TV was turned up so loud, he didn't notice Hiei approaching until the smaller demon was right behind him.
"Don't sneak up on me like that, Hiei!" Kurama scolded, turning around. "If you're going to stand behind me, at least say something."
"You said you were going to help me put the baby up for adoption," said Hiei.
"I know, Hiei, but can you give me a break?" Kurama was trying to keep his voice even. "I had a hard day."
"Oh, you had a hard day," Hiei said sarcastically. "At least you're not fucking pregnant!"
"Hiei!" Kurama snapped. "Watch the language!"
"Shut up!" Hiei now sounded tearful as well as furious. "I guess I'm going to have to do all the work on my own, then!"
"Hiei, listen." Kurama turned around and took a deep breath. "Why don't I try and track down a good obstetrician, while you research adoption on the computer?"
"I want the baby to be adopted by a Makaian family," Hiei declared. "Your dumb ningen computer won't do any good."
"You can at least read testimonies and things from adoptive parents," Kurama said.
"Okay," Hiei mumbled, shuffling into Kurama's home office. Meanwhile, Kurama debated over where to get started. They couldn't use the Internet for this, since they needed a Makaian doctor and any medical website would only have listings for human doctors. Hmm…maybe one of their old friends had a referral?
Kurama was very glad then that he was able to invent a phone that could communicate between worlds, and that he and all his new friends had exchanged addresses and phone numbers at the last Makai Tournament when Kurama was nineteen. If he wanted an elemental doctor, he should probably talk to an elemental demon…and the first demons to come to mind were Jin and Touya, the former Shinobi. They lived together now, as "roommates," although Kurama and Hiei both suspected they were a little more than that.
"Hello?" said Touya when he picked up the phone.
"Good afternoon, Touya," said Kurama.
"Kurama!" Touya sounded shocked. "I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you?"
"Fine," Kurama lied. "You?"
"I'm happier than ever," Touya replied. "Jin and I are officially an item."
"That's wonderful," said Kurama, feeling just a tiny bit better. "I'm so happy you decided to come out of the closet."
"We probably wouldn't have done if you and Hiei hadn't inspired us," said Touya. "When you two got married, we realized we shouldn't have to hide our relationship, either. We were together far before the Dark Tournament, but not even the other Shinobi knew."
"Well, as they say, love is love," Kurama told him. "Anyway, funny you should mention Hiei…I need a referral to an elemental obstetrician, if you have one, because Hiei is pregnant."
"Hiei's pregnant?" said Touya. "Wow, congratulations. Can I tell Jin?"
"That's up to you, but don't get too excited," Kurama told him. "We're putting it up for adoption."
"Oh." Touya didn't say anything more about it, for which Kurama was glad. "I see…but I think I do know somebody. Well, I know of somebody. We've never met, but I can refer you to someone."
"You can?" Kurama said hopefully.
"Risho's sister, Setchi," Touya answered. "She works at a hospital in what used to be Raizen's territory, where most of the elementals live. Her specialty is elemental demon babies, so she should be perfect for Hiei."
"Do you happen to have the address?" Kurama asked.
"I'm sorry, I don't," Touya apologized. "I'll give you the phone number, but the place shouldn't be hard to find. She works at the biggest hospital in the biggest city, so you really can't miss it."
"I'm sure we'll be able to find it," Kurama reassured him. "Thank you so much for your help, Touya."
"Anytime," said the Ice Master cheerfully, and he gave the non-emergency phone number for the hospital, but then his voice suddenly sounded a little nervous. "But, um, before you go, Kurama, can I ask you something?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well…how is Hiei taking it?" said Touya. "Jin and I are probably going to have children at some point, and does it seem too terrible?"
"Honestly? It doesn't look easy," Kurama told him. "But if you really want a baby, I think it'll be worth it. Just talk it over with him before you make any big plans."
After the phone call was over, Kurama headed for the office to check on his pregnant husband, but before he could blink, Hiei shot out of the office and ran all the way upstairs to the bedroom, screaming at the top of his lungs.
"Hiei?" Kurama called, but all he heard in return was the bedroom door slamming shut.
Curious as to what had caused this reaction, Kurama stepped into the office and was instantly greeted by loud, miserable groans of pain. Upon closer examination, he saw that they were coming from a video on the computer, and when he looked at the screen, he found himself face-to-face with a woman's stretched-to-the-max vagina, complete with a baby's head halfway out.
Oh, God, I should have warned Hiei not to watch any childbirth videos, Kurama thought, running up the stairs to the bedroom. When he got there, the door was locked, so he gave a few light knocks.
"GO AWAY!" Hiei screeched.
Kurama didn't bother arguing; he just produced a small, needle-like blade of grass and used it to easily pick the lock. When he got inside the bedroom, he went to sit down on the bed, where a Hiei-sized lump was trembling under the sheets.
"I know that seemed painful, Hiei," Kurama began, "but I'm sure that when the baby's born, it will all be worth it."
"Shut up!" Hiei wailed. "You don't have to do it!"
"Come on now, what happened to the brave, strong man I married?" Kurama coaxed.
"The baby tore his ass open!"
"Listen, Hiei—"
"Did you know that twelve to nineteen hours of labor is normal for a first-time birth?" Hiei was beginning to sound hysterical. "I know what it's like to endure twelve hours of nonstop pain, Kurama, and that's without the back pain and the contractions and the water breaking and the dilating and the bleeding and the BABY COMING OUT OF MY ASSHOLE!"
And then, to Kurama's great displeasure, Hiei started to cry again.
"You were supposed to be doing research on adoption, Hiei," said Kurama gently. "It looks like you were doing some early research on childbirth instead."
Kurama pulled back the covers until he found his husband, who had been buried in them. Feeling his heart clench with sympathy, he helped the smaller demon up to a sitting position and just held him while he cried. It was important to support him in his time of need; this was a preview of the many, many tears that would be shed over the course of the pregnancy. Before Hiei got pregnant, Kurama had seen him cry maybe once or twice in the whole time they had known each other (going on about six years at this point). But now that his hormones were out of whack, and he was anxious on top of that, Hiei seemed to be constantly in tears.
"I can't go through labor and push a baby out," Hiei wept. "I just can't."
"You can, honey," Kurama told him, giving him a kiss. "I know you can. I'll be with you the entire time, and you're a strong person."
"Not strong enough," Hiei sobbed. "Not strong enough."
"Hiei…I don't think this is just about the video," said Kurama quietly, as the smaller demon continued to cry into his shoulder. "This is about everything, isn't it?"
"Maybe," said Hiei, his voice quavering. "I'm just so scared! I feel like I have a death sentence on July 18."
"Why? What's on July 18?"
"My due date!" Hiei seemed terrified by any phrase having to do with pregnancy. "July 18 is nine months from yesterday."
"Well, yes, but Hiei, you don't count nine months from the day you find out," said Kurama. "The symptoms don't show up right away."
"Then how far along am I?" asked Hiei, though judging by his tone of voice, he was a little afraid of the answer.
"You seem to be about six weeks along," Kurama replied. "The baby was conceived four weeks ago—"
"Then shouldn't I be four weeks?"
"Hiei, don't you know how pregnancy works in elementals?"
"No, not really. All I know is that I'm pregnant."
"But you at least know that your fertile window, the time when you can become pregnant, is seven days out of every thirty?"
"Yes," said Hiei, "but I don't keep track of it. I only know it's time because my sex drive is way up and my levels of youki are a little down."
"All right, well, you were last fertile four weeks ago," said Kurama, "but your body needs two weeks to get ready to host a baby. So your first trimester starts two weeks before the date of conception. Four weeks of actually being pregnant, plus the two preparation weeks, is six weeks. I've calculated your due date to be June 16. You have about seven and a half months to go, assuming the baby comes on time."
"Oh." Hiei sounded shocked that he had been pregnant for at least an entire month without even knowing it. "You…you really did put thought into this, didn't you?"
"Of course," said Kurama, cuddling Hiei and kissing him again. "I don't know if you realize this, but you're doing something incredible. Somewhere in Makai, there's a couple that really, really wants a baby, but can't have one of their own, for whatever reason. Yet seven and a half months from now, their happiness will be complete, and it's all thanks to you and the wonderful gift you will have given them—a child to call their own."
"I thought you wanted to keep the baby," said Hiei.
"On some level, honey, I do, but if you feel you're not ready, it would be wrong of me to force you to keep it," Kurama explained. "I realize that you're doing what you feel is best for the baby, and that's exactly what a parent is supposed to do."
"Yeah…thanks, Kurama." Hiei seemed calmer, but he still looked a little sad. "I guess I was trying to put that into words. But I do have a question."
"What is it?"
"Why were they all women in the videos?" Hiei asked. "I couldn't find a video of a man giving birth."
"Well, Hiei, that would be because human males can't have babies," Kurama replied. Sometimes he forgot that Hiei didn't know a lot about humans. "All youkai can bear children. But in the human race, only women can do it."
"That's weird," said Hiei. "Why can't human males have babies?"
"For one thing, spirit energy can't be fertilized by sperm like demon energy can," said Kurama. "And even if it could, human males don't have a ninshinsu or a birth canal. So the baby would have nowhere to grow, and no way to come out. That's why. Human women can have children because the process is the same for them."
"But what if there are two men who want a baby?"
"They can adopt, or they can use a surrogate mother, where one is the biological father and the other is like a stepdad."
"I guess so," said Hiei. "But anyway…did you find a doctor?"
"Touya's former teammate, Risho, knew someone," said Kurama, smiling. "I think we should make an appointment."
"As much as I dislike Risho, I'll take it."
"Good," said Kurama. "The hospital is in the biggest city in Raizen's former territory. Touya gave me the hospital's phone number, but he doesn't have the address. Have you ever been to that city?"
"No," said Hiei. "I don't like big cities. But I'll bet Yusuke's been there. I think you should call him for directions after you make the appointment."
"Do you want to make them now?" Kurama asked. "It's recommended for us to start our prenatal appointments as soon as possible, and they might not be able to fit us in right away."
"Okay," Hiei agreed, so Kurama pulled out his communicator and the phone number. They spoke to the receptionist for the obstetrics department, and she got them an appointment for nine in the morning the following Tuesday. After that, they called Yusuke.
"Hi, Kurama!" said Yusuke. "How's it going?"
"Fine," Kurama replied, figuring he could explain later. "Listen, Hiei's going to a new doctor in Makai, and her office is in the biggest city in Raizen's former territory. Our appointment is a week from tomorrow at nine. We were hoping you could take us there."
"Hmm…I have a better idea," said Yusuke. "Be outside your house at eight-thirty in the morning on Tuesday, okay? I think I know someone who can help."