Usually, Halloween would be an excitable, happy day; after all, that was what it had been for the past five years, as far as Kurama and Hiei were concerned. Ever since fourteen-year-old Kurama had taken Hiei to a Halloween costume party and Hiei won a bucket of delicious ningen sweets just by taking on his Jaganshi form, Hiei had loved Halloween, both the candy and the costumes. The idea of dressing up as something scary or funny every year and going to parties was a ningen practice he could actually get behind, and he loved sweets.

After a couple years, it became a bonding experience for him and Kurama. It was their best holiday, even more so than White Day, which was when men gave gifts to women—or to other men, of course. Valentine's Day was the day for women to do the gift-giving, but since there was no woman in their relationship, they skipped it entirely.

This year would have been their sixth Halloween together, but instead of deciding on a costume and eating delicious Halloween candy, Hiei was too exhausted and sick to even get out of bed, much less design a Halloween costume, and as for the sweets, all of a sudden they made him sick. So that was why, on Halloween morning, Hiei could be found in bed, weeping bitterly.

Would he ever stop feeling so pathetic? Over the past few days, he hadn't showered or even changed his clothes. All he did was throw up, empty his bladder, and cry. He was constipated, gassy, bloated, and cramping, and the nausea was unbearable. In fact, it was amazing to him that he even had the energy to cry to begin with. He barely ate or drank anything; he was quickly losing his muscle tone; and his youki and power level dropped a little more each day. Worst of all, it was impossible to hide his tears, because they turned into stones, and he was too tired to pick them up.

What was weird was that sometimes he wanted Kurama around, and sometimes he didn't. Sometimes when he was crying, he wanted his husband there to comfort him, and other times he just wanted to be left alone. Most of the time, he didn't know what he wanted. Right now, though, he didn't want to face Kurama, because he was afraid the aforementioned fox-demon would be disappointed that they had to skip Halloween.

Skip Halloween! Even those words made Hiei continue to cry. Kurama was at work, so he could cry in peace, but why? Why did he have to cry so much? It wasn't like him! Why did he have to be pregnant? Or, more accurately, why did pregnancy have to be so miserable? What did he do to deserve this, exactly? Why couldn't he stop these tears? They just kept falling, like a spring rain.

Hiei was crying so hard into his pillow around noon that he didn't even notice Kurama's presence until the soft, tender hands were in his hair, comforting him.

"What's wrong, Hiei?" Kurama asked softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Hiei shook his head furiously, his face still buried in his pillow.

"Okay," Kurama said, bending down to give Hiei a kiss. "I had work today, but I figured I could come home for lunch and look after you for a bit."

"I don't need to be looked after," Hiei sniffled.

"Be that as it may, I missed you terribly," Kurama replied, his hands still in Hiei's hair. "I brought you some ginger ale and saltines. Ginger will help with your sickness, and the saltines might cheer you up a bit."

Hiei lifted himself up to peek. What could be cheerful about saltine crackers, besides the fact that they were one of the few foods he could stomach? But then he saw that Kurama had cut them into little Halloween-themed shapes—pumpkins, bats, ghosts—and arranged them all on a plate like cookies. There were also orange and black roses on the tea tray, and they smelled divine.

"I figured you might not be up to doing Halloween this year, so I thought I would bring a little Halloween to you," Kurama explained.

In response to this kind gesture, Hiei felt tears welling up in his eyes. Not again!

"I know, I know," Kurama murmured, gently rocking Hiei in his arms.

"Kurama, what's wrong with me?" Hiei said in a sort of whimper. "I can't stop crying. I can't!"

"Pregnancy can turn even the sanest, steeliest youkai into a miserable mess of sobbing goo," said Kurama. "You know that."

"N-Not me."

"Your greatest weakness isn't your feelings, Hiei." Kurama smiled and kissed his husband. "It's your pride."

"I don't know what you mean," Hiei told him firmly.

"What I mean is, this pregnancy will be a lot easier on you if you just accept that not everything is going to be the same as it was before," Kurama explained. "When there's a baby involved, you have to allow for changes to your life, even if…even if in our case, they are only temporary."

"You're talking about putting it up for adoption, right?" said Hiei.

"Yes," said Kurama, and Hiei could see the pain in his eyes. "I know you're doing what you feel is best for our baby, Hiei—and like I said, that's the best thing a parent ever could do."

Hiei couldn't help but notice how Kurama kept calling it "our baby," and he wondered if his husband even knew what he was saying. Your baby, or the baby, would be more accurate. But no, Kurama seemed to be having trouble letting go, even though he was obviously trying to hide it. Hiei did feel kind of bad for him, but what else was there to do?

"Anyway…" Kurama stood up and sort of forced his face into a smile. "On a different topic, I did plan something for Halloween—only if you're feeling up to it, though."

"What is it?" Hiei asked warily.

"Well, we're not going to any parties this year, so I was thinking maybe we could bring the party here, instead," Kurama explained. "We could invite all our friends over, and you could be the one to choose who has the best costume. You don't look pregnant yet, and nobody has to know unless you tell them."

Hiei was about to say No way, but then he realized maybe he did need a distraction, so he said, "Fine, as long as there are no sweets involved."

"Great!" Kurama beamed, and this time his smile appeared real. "I got you a costume, too!"

"You…you got me a costume?" said Hiei curiously.

"I sure did." Kurama rummaged in a bag sitting in the corner, which Hiei hadn't even noticed until that moment, and took out a white hoodie with black stripes. When he turned it around, a set of numbers was on the back. "See? If you wear it with your black pants, you'll look like a prisoner. Come try it on."

"If you say so." Hiei reluctantly climbed out of bed and took off his pajama top. Then he slipped the hoodie over his head. It was comfortable, he had to admit; there was some kind of fuzzy lining on the inside, and it was loose, so that he didn't have to feel self-conscious about his worsening physique.

"And look!" Kurama seemed positively joyful now as he pulled the hood up over Hiei's head. Sewn on the hood were two black cat ears. "Isn't that cute? What do you think, Hiei?"

"I think you have lost your mind," Hiei said, taking the hood off his head. "I'll wear this hoodie, because it's comfortable, but I won't wear the hood."

"I can live with that," said Kurama.

"What are you going as?" Hiei asked him, going to change out of his pajama pants into his regular pants. "Not a rose bush again, I hope."

"I'm your sexy parole officer, of course," Kurama replied. "I have a uniform and some handcuffs. I could've gotten another prisoner uniform for myself and got you a bar of soap, but I wanted to be more creative."

"You really need to see a doctor," Hiei muttered as he pulled his pants up. By now he was getting used to not wearing belts, and he hadn't left the house at all since his first prenatal appointment. Even though Kurama said nobody would know he was pregnant unless he told them, he was still paranoid that someone would figure it out—and ever since he learned that ningen males couldn't get pregnant, it made him feel that much more awkward.

…

Kurama invited the whole gang, as promised, and everyone said they could come. Over the phone, he claimed Hiei was ill and that there was to be no food or drink at the party. Everyone seemed okay with that, because the real fun was in being with each other, and in the costumes, of course. Hiei came downstairs for the party in his prisoner outfit after Kurama helped him get a shower and wash his hair, but he didn't exactly seem to be in the spirit of things; Kurama hoped that would change once their guests started arriving, but the situation didn't look hopeful.

Luckily, Hiei was telling the truth when he said that he needed to actually come into contact with his food aversions before he actually threw up. Otherwise, although he still felt too sick to eat much, his stomach contents stayed where they were for the most part. It was his bathroom habits that really seemed to bother him. Even though he had to pee at least once every hour, he had been constipated for a week, and he couldn't take any of Kurama's laxatives because something in them made him throw up. Kurama felt bad for him, but perhaps not enough to wish they could trade places.

The first person to arrive was Shizuru. Since she was the only one who knew the truth about Hiei's "illness," Kurama figured she had shown up early to see how he was doing. It was nice of her to help set up the decorations, too.

"How's he doing?" she asked in an undertone, glancing towards Hiei, who was laying on the couch, moaning, his hands on his abdomen.

"Not so good," Kurama said sadly. "They say the second trimester is a bit easier. I hope so."

"Well, I guess what they say is true," Shizuru replied. "Morning sickness is called what it is because it's always morning somewhere."

"You don't know the half of it."

"I do like your Halloween costume, though," Shizuru told him, grinning. "That plant's supposed to be handcuffs, huh?"

"If I want," said Kurama, gesturing to the Makaian plant attached to his belt, where a parole officer's handcuffs would usually be. "I like yours, too."

"Thanks," said Shizuru, who was dressed as a Goth, from the clothing to the makeup.

The next person to arrive at the Halloween party was Botan. Right now, she and Shizuru were dating, but they didn't live together yet, which was why they had come separately. Even if the ferry-girl knew Hiei was ill, she didn't know yet what was causing it, so she seemed far more concerned than her girlfriend.

"How did the doctor's appointment go last week, Hiei?" she asked. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Oh, yes, wonderful," Hiei said sarcastically, glaring up at her. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Why, I'm the Grim Reaper, of course!" she replied, cheering up a little.

Kurama couldn't help but smile when he saw Botan's costume. She had gone for irony; being the Grim Reaper, she had decided to dress up as what everyone expected her to look like. Her costume consisted of a long, tattered black robe with a hood, a plastic scythe, and a spooky skull mask, though she lifted it up to speak.

Yukina and Kuwabara, who were married and living together in an apartment nearby, showed up next.

"Kurama said you were ill," said Yukina sympathetically when she noticed Hiei on the couch. She had dressed up as a nurse, and Kuwabara had dressed up as her patient, though thankfully he was wearing pants under his hospital gown. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Thanks, but no," Hiei told her miserably. "I just have to wait for this to run its course."

"Poor Hiei," she said, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I do hope you feel better soon. You look miserable."

"It can't compare to how I feel," he replied.

The last guests to arrive were Yusuke and Keiko, who were also married and living together. Keiko was a French maid, and Yusuke was a vampire.

"How are you feeling, Hiei?" Keiko asked, rushing to the couch.

"Isn't it obvious?!" Hiei snapped. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do I look okay to you?"

"We're worried about you," Botan tried to tell him.

"Well, don't be!" Hiei shouted. "This was a stupid idea!"

And suddenly Hiei was crying, while the others stared; Kurama was the only one who had ever witnessed Hiei's tears. Shizuru didn't seem to be surprised, but all of their other friends did.

"Dude, are you crying?" said Kuwabara in shock, as the women scrambled to apologize in high-pitched, tremulous voices, and Hiei fought off their hugs of comfort. Hiei looked positively humiliated, but Kurama recalled what he said about not being able to control his tears like he usually could. In fact, his embarrassment over crying just seemed to make him want to cry even more.

"Poor Hiei!" Yukina said again, managing to push past everyone else and squeeze her twin brother, pouring as much sisterly love into him as she could. "We're sorry!"

"Yeah, we should've just kept our big mouths shut," Yusuke agreed.

"Do you want us to go home, Hiei?" Yukina asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"No," Hiei muttered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said. "I had no idea you were feeling so poorly. I mean, Kurama said you were ill, but…"

"It's nothing life-threatening," Hiei told her, trying to smile. "I have to use the bathroom."

"We'll be here when you get back," Yukina called, as Kurama ran over to help him off the couch.

"Okay," said Hiei, and when he left, everyone else was still staring.

"Did he eat something funny?" Yukina asked, watching Hiei go. "Do you have any idea what's the matter with him?"

"None at all." Kurama hated lying to Yukina like this, but Hiei didn't want to tell anyone about the pregnancy yet, not even his sister.

"I really think you should think about it," she said nervously. "Not to be pushy…but I'm very worried."

"Like he said, it's nothing life-threatening."

"Well, you're awfully calm about it," said Yukina. "How can you be sure? I think if something is seriously wrong with Hiei, I ought to know. After all, he's my only flesh and blood!"

Not quite, Kurama was tempted to say, but he held his tongue. They couldn't say anything more after that, though, because that was when Hiei came out of the bathroom, and they started the costume party with as much normality as they could muster. The afternoon seemed to be going all right, but Hiei was off to the bathroom every half an hour or so, and every time he did, Kurama's friends started badgering him about what might be wrong.

"You know, if he has to pee all the time, it could be a sign of something much more serious," said Keiko. "Like diabetes, for example, or kidney problems. Maybe even cancer. It doesn't burn or anything, does it?"

"If it does, he didn't mention it," said Kurama.

"Well, you had better get him checked out, or he could end up in dialysis every week for the rest of his life," she warned.

"You make everything out to be so awful, Keiko," said Yusuke. "Maybe he drank too much water."

"What else is wrong?" Yukina asked. "I mean, does he have any other symptoms?"

"Like…what kind of symptoms?"

"Anything," she answered. "Sore throat, fever, cough, runny nose…?"

"No, none of that," Kurama reassured her.

"I do know he's been vomiting, though," Botan told everyone. "I took him to the doctor last week, and he got sick, even though he hardly ever gets motion sickness."

"Okay, everyone, I'm back again," Hiei announced exhaustedly, collapsing onto the couch as soon as he could.

"Fatigue, too, I see," Yukina observed.

"Time to give the award for the best Halloween costume, Hiei," Kurama told him, glad to have a reason to change the subject. "Who wins this year?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hiei mumbled, his fingers dragging on the rug. "Someone else decide."

"Let's just call it a draw," said Kurama, sitting down by Hiei and rubbing his bare feet.

"Should we go?" Keiko asked. Except for Shizuru, everyone looked worried for Hiei now, even Kuwabara.

"Perhaps." Kurama nodded. "It was nice having you all over."

Once everyone was gone, Hiei dissolved into tears again, shoulders shaking. Kurama felt so bad for him and held him close, kissing him on the head. Hiei sobbed helplessly into Kurama's shoulder as the fox-demon rocked him, hoping the baby could feel the movement, too. Or was it still too small for that?

"I-I'm sorry I ruined Halloween!" Hiei wailed.

"It's okay, love," Kurama soothed, his fingers entangled in Hiei's black hair. "As long as I get to spend Halloween with you, it's not ruined."

"You can't possibly mean that."

"I do, Hiei."

"No," Hiei insisted, and Kurama figured he just needed to cry, so there was no use trying to comfort him.

Once Hiei had finally calmed down somewhat, Kurama helped him change out of his Halloween costume and into his pajamas, then into bed, along with the two cooking pots. Kurama changed out of his Halloween costume, too, and sat down in the living room to read the Makai Tribune, except he couldn't concentrate at all—so he was almost glad to hear a quiet knock at the door.

"Hello, Yukina," said Kurama. "How can I help you?"

"Well, actually, Kurama…" Yukina looked a little nervous. She had changed out of her costume, too. "I was thinking I could help you. I-I think I know what's wrong with Hiei. Maybe."

Uh-oh, thought Kurama. They went to sit down on the couch.

"I know this might sound a bit crazy," Yukina began, "and I don't mean to interfere with your personal business. But, well…have you ever thought that Hiei might be pregnant?"

Kurama sighed.

"Yes, Yukina," he told her, resigned to finally telling the truth. "That's what he is. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but we wanted to keep it a surprise until the second trimester."

"Oh, don't worry about that!" Yukina reassured him, her pretty face alight with joy. "This is wonderful! When is he due?"

"June 11."

"I'm so happy for you two!" Yukina squealed, hugging Kurama tight. "My own niece or nephew! Kurama, Hiei is having a baby! Your own little baby! Oh, I just can't wait!"

"Thank you," said Kurama. "But you see, Yukina…we're putting the baby up for adoption."

"You mustn't!" Yukina cried, all the happiness leaving her face. "This is your baby!"

"Yukina, adoption is a miracle that has given a loving home to many youkai, and a child to many infertile couples," Kurama reminded her. "We just feel that we aren't ready for a child."

"But why not?"

That's what I'd like to know, too, Kurama thought, but instead he told her, "We just aren't, that's all."

"Hmm…" Yukina studied Kurama closely. "You don't want to give it away, do you? You're just putting the baby up for adoption because Hiei wants to, aren't you?"

"Very perceptive," Kurama said quietly.

"You do know that if you let him do this, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life," Yukina told him. "How long will you be able to hold your new baby before you have to give it to its adoptive parents?"

"I'm not sure." Kurama shook his head. "But don't you see, Yukina? Even though it's going to be one of the hardest things I'm ever going to have to do, it wouldn't be fair to force Hiei to keep the baby, and it wouldn't be fair to the baby, either. It deserves to grow up in a home where both parents want it, not just one. I don't need them both resenting me."

"I see where you're coming from," said Yukina, "but what if you start to resent him? What if every time you look at Hiei, all you can think about is how he made you give the baby up? Won't that be just as bad?"

"As long as Hiei and the baby are happy—"

"Kurama, I've heard Hiei call you a self-sacrificing idiot," Yukina told him. "And while I'm not about to call you an idiot…well, do you really not care how you feel, or about your own feelings, as long as Hiei and the baby are happy? How do you think Hiei would feel about that?"

"I don't know, Yukina," said Kurama. "But I do know that I can't force Hiei to keep a baby he doesn't want. You know I can't."

"Yes…" Yukina sighed. "You're probably right. But can I at least meet the baby?"

"Of course," said Kurama. "You'll have to tell Hiei you guessed, though, or he won't be pleased with me."

"I feel so bad for him," Yukina said mournfully. "I've never seen him cry before! It was just too awful for words. Does he cry a lot?"

"That's a bit of an understatement," Kurama replied, and he found he was glad to actually have someone to confide in. "Hiei cries all the time, over everything, and over nothing. And it really is awful. I feel like there's nothing I can do to help. I'm just hoping beyond hope that the second trimester is better, like they say. But you know what the worst part is?"

"What?"

"It's that he feels embarrassed about it," said Kurama. "Ashamed, even. I try to tell him there's nothing wrong with him, but he just won't listen."

"I could talk to him for you," Yukina offered. "If he won't listen to his husband, maybe he'll listen to his sister."

"You aren't going to try to convince him to keep the baby, are you?" said Kurama, not in a suspicious sort of way, but just to make sure he was covering all his bases.

"No." Yukina shook her head. "I just want to help my brother feel better."

…

Hiei was still trying to get to sleep when he heard a knock on the door of his bedroom. Ugh, what did that fox-demon want now?

"Go away, Kurama," he moaned.

"It's not Kurama, it's Yukina." Hiei was surprised to hear his twin sister's voice. "I just want to talk to you. May I come in?"

"Oh…all right," said Hiei. "It's not locked."

"Hi," said Yukina sweetly, walking into the room and sitting on the bed. "How are you doing? You aren't still feeling sick, are you?"

"Well, these cooking pots aren't here for making dinner, let's leave it at that," said Hiei, wishing they were empty.

"That's right," said Yukina. "Let's get to the point, Hiei. I know."

"You mean…" Hiei's eyes widened. "Kurama told you?!"

"No, I guessed," she corrected him quickly. "It wasn't exactly hard, after all. I just felt really bad for you when you cried. None of us had ever seen you cry before."

"I'm sorry," said Hiei.

"Don't be sorry!" Yukina kissed him on the forehead. "Kurama and I both know you're having a rough time of it, Hiei, and if you need to cry, it's okay."

"I-I just don't understand it, Yukina," Hiei found himself saying. "It's not like I cry like a normal person. It's like, I see one tiny thing that wouldn't have upset me at all before I got pregnant, it sets me off, and before I know it, I can't stop. It's so embarrassing."

"You don't need to feel embarrassed," said Yukina. "And if you aren't embarrassed about crying, it actually feels good."

"It…it does?"

"Sure." Yukina smiled a little. "Listen, Hiei…you know how some youkai—and some humans—spend their lives eating healthy? They crave unhealthy foods, but they never give in? Never let themselves indulge?"

"Well, I gave in long ago," said Hiei, thinking of how food was one thing Ningenkai actually did right, and he had no intention of depriving himself.

"Regardless, when they get pregnant, everything changes," said Yukina. "They're eating for two, so they figure they can eat whatever they want. It's not necessarily true, but they savor the sweet release from a lifetime of restricting themselves. Do you know what I'm saying?"

"You're saying I should eat more?" Hiei guessed.

"No, I'm saying that instead of eating for two, you're…well, feeling for two," Yukina explained. "Some people spend their lives resisting their love of food, only to get pregnant and overeat, but I think that you spent your whole life pushing your feelings further and further down…" Yukina gently smoothed Hiei's bangs back, still smiling softly at him. "And now, during your pregnancy, those feelings are all coming back up again. Just as a dieter becomes an overeater, an emotionless fighter starts to wear his heart on his sleeve. What's so bad about crying, Hiei?"

Images, sounds, feelings that had long been suppressed suddenly resurfaced in Hiei's mind: a baby left alone to cry for hours on end…a dark room…a pair of muscular arms, so close and yet so far away…Hunger. Discomfort. Stress. Loneliness…so much loneliness. Hiei didn't even realize he was crying again until he felt Yukina hugging him.

"It's weak," Hiei wept. "It doesn't get you what you want."

"Maybe not," Yukina soothed. "But it certainly makes you feel better. You can express your feelings in any way you want, Hiei, as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else. And trust me, nobody—and I mean nobody—is going to judge a pregnant youkai for crying. Once you tell people, they'll understand."

"No, they won't," Hiei told her miserably. "Human males can't get pregnant, so none of our human friends will understand. They'll just think I'm weird."

"There are a lot of things in Ningenkai that apparitions find weird, too," Yukina reminded him. "And considering where you are in your pregnancy, they still have seven months to get used to it, don't they?"

"True," said Hiei.

"Next time you feel embarrassed or ashamed about crying, Hiei, just think of me," said Yukina. "Remember what I told you. Crying is therapeutic, and if anyone is rude to you about it, just say you're pregnant and hormonal. They'll get the picture, and if they don't, that's their problem, not yours. Okay?"

"Okay," said Hiei, hugging her, and he had never been so grateful for his sister. If only they hadn't been giving the baby up for adoption…Yukina would have made a wonderful aunt.