5. Settling in

Stephanie was alone now in her own chambers in Hogwarts. She still had a hard time believing it. Thank God (or should she say Merlin now?) she hadn't had any more outbursts, but she hadn't experienced any magic yet, so her anxiety was on a low level right now.

She really liked her own chambers. They were cozy and relatively "normal". She knew some things were done with magic, but she chose to ignore that fact for now. Her clothes being cleaned overnight, the fireplace always burning, the room always clean, and food always in her cupboard. It was all done with magic, but as long as she didn't have to see it, she was okay and she could rest and think.

She hadn't dared to call for a house elf yet. But after a good night's sleep, she could use some breakfast, and the kitchen was magical, so she had no idea how to cook something. She was afraid to go to the great hall so she preferred to still eat in her rooms.

So there was no other way, she had to call a house elf. She felt so silly for being scared. In the movies and books everything seemed amazing, but in real life, actually seeing it was quite weird and scary.

She closed her eyes. 'Mipsy?' she called. She heard a soft pop in front of her. 'Yes miss?' the elf responded. It was a very soft sweet voice. Carefully Stephanie opened one eye and took her first look at a real house elf. She reminded herself to calm down and breathe. She opened her other eye and looked at the creature in front of her. It was so surreal to have a house elf standing in front of her in real life.

Mipsy was a small house elf, wearing a white sort of tea towel with the Hogwarts crest on it. In the movies she had only seen Dobby, who had been a bit bigger. This elf was small, her eyes bright and blue. Mipsy looked up at her expectantly. 'Can Mipsy help miss?'

Stephanie shook herself to stop staring. 'I'm sorry,' she said after a few minutes, 'I have never seen a house elf before.'

Mipsy nodded. 'The headmaster has told Milsy, yes. He told Mipsy to be extra quiet for you. Mipsy does not want to scare you.'

That explained why she had never noticed the magic taking place in her chambers. She was being extra careful not to be noticed. Stephanie felt thankful that the headmaster and Mipsy were being so considerate, but she didn't want people to have extra work for her. She would just have to get used to it.

'Thank you, but you don't have to. It's just new to me, I have to get used to it.' she said to Mipsy.

Mipsy just nodded. After a few seconds of silence she asked: 'Do you be needing Mipsy for anything miss?'

'Oh right, yes!' Stephanie said. 'I wanted to make breakfast but I don't know how the kitchen works. I guess with magic but I can't do magic yet. And I don't feel like eating in the great hall just yet. Can you help?'

'Of course miss!' said Mipsy and she immediately went to the kitchen. 'Anything miss wants in particular?' she asked. Stephanie already felt a bit uneasy asking someone to help her out, but now it just felt completely wrong. She knew the house elves loved working, but it still felt wrong to treat them as a servant. She also knew that showing these feelings would upset them, so instead she thought of what she would like for breakfast. 'Can you make fried eggs? Please?'

Mipsy set to work and Stephanie couldn't help but watch her work. House elves apparently worked by both magic and muggle means. Surprisingly, seeing the elf using magic didn't really frighten Stephanie, it fascinated her. Maybe being in the magical world wasn't so scary after all.

Stephanie sat down at the table and within minutes not only fried eggs were put in front of her, but also toast, fruit and pumpkin juice. 'Wow, you didn't have to get me all this Mipsy.' Mipsy looked up at her and looked both confused and a little bit sad. Stephanie realized what she had said and quickly added: 'but it looks great and smells delicious, thank you.'

This seemed to satisfy Mipsy. 'Would miss also be linking coffee or tea?' she asked. 'Some green tea would be lovely, if it's not too much trouble.' Stephanie answered. She told herself never to refuse service from a house elf again because the sad eyes she had just seen were almost heartbreaking. She never wanted to upset Mipsy.

A steaming mug of green tea appeared before her. 'Does miss be needing anything else?' Stephanie shook her head at Mipsy and the elf disappeared with a soft pop.

The breakfast tasted great. Stephanie had always loved breakfast. She wasn't able to finish it all and she hoped Mipsy wouldn't be too upset by this. She put her dirty plate and mug in the sink and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she got back the plate and mug had disappeared and Stephanie wouldn't be surprised that if she had opened the cabinet, she would find them in there, already clean.

Stephanie looked out the window behind the dinner table. She wasn't that high up in the castle but she still had a nice view. She could see the grounds, a part of the lake and the forest. And farther away on the other side, she saw a part of the quidditch field. The sun was shining and it looked like it was nice and warm outside.

She turned away from the window and looked at her new rooms. There was not much to do inside. She had no stuff yet, no books, nothing. She chuckled at how coincidentally all accents in her rooms were crimson red. Dumbledore was already pushing her towards Gryffindor. As soon as she knew how, she would change it. But for now, it was fine. Anything is better than pink. She didn't really have a reason for it, but she hated that colour.

There was nothing else to do than to leave her chambers and explore the castle. Stephanie took a few breaths, told herself to grow a pair and stepped outside her chambers. Not only would she possibly encounter magic, but a lot of people as well. Breakfast must be over by now so students and teachers could be anywhere. Not that they were scary or anything, she just didn't really know how to behave around them. In her mind, she was still a muggle, and she felt different from the rest.

When she had walked with Dumbledore, she had already noticed that the castle was much bigger than she expected. Now she found out that if she truly wanted to see every hallway, every room, as far as possible, every staircase, every tower and every alcove, she would need days. And that is exactly what she planned to do.

The first day she just walked the halls. Greeting the staff if they met in the hallway, even sometimes making smalltalk with them. They all asked her how she'd been, and if she was settling in well. She also learned to ignore the weird looks from the students. She looked at the paintings, but it felt too weird to talk to them. So now the paintings thought she was weird because they did try to talk to her. So she just avoided eye contact with them for now.

She made sure to be back in her chambers before it went dark out. She wasn't that afraid of simple magic anymore, but walking around in a magical castle when it was dark out, was frightning and stupid.

After she had some dinner, she didn't really know what to do. She wasn't really tired yet, so she was just sitting on her sofa, looking at the flames in the fireplace. She had noticed there was a small container on the mantle that probably held floo powder. The fireplace must have some floo connection then, but Stephanie doubted it was connected to anywhere outside of Hogwarts. It was probably used by staff to easily visit each other or other rooms in the castle.

She was just wondering how the sensation of travelling through the floo must feel like, when there was a knock on the door. Her heart started racing a little, who could it be? It was probably just the headmaster, but still Stephanie got a little anxious. 'Who is it?' she called out. 'It's Minerva!' the person on the other side of the door said back.

Stephanie quickly got up and went to open the door. 'Professor Mcgonagall, come in.' she said. 'Please sit down, would you like something to drink?' Stephanie still felt a little bit awkward around everybody here, so she just tried to be as polite as possible.

'Please Stephanie, call me Minerva, and tea would be lovely, thank you.' she answered. Stephanie called for Mipsy to help with the tea and soon they were sitting down with two steaming cups of tea and a plate of biscuits.

'How have you been Stephanie? I saw you exploring the castle yesterday but I haven't seen you at any meals yet in the great hall.' Minerva started the conversation. Stephanie smiled at her concern. 'I'm okay I guess. It's still a lot to get used to, even though it's not all new to me but it's really strange to experience this all in real life. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face so many people. What if something scares me and I have an accidental outburst again?'

'I understand,' Minerva answered, 'you shouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. However, and don't get me wrong, I don't want to push you, but Albus has mentioned he didn't know any way for you to go back to your own dimension and time. I feel it's best for you to try to integrate in this time and world as soon as possible. And learn some magic while you're at it.'

'I know, I know, but it has been only a few days since I arrived, and… I don't know. I feel silly and embarrassed but I just get scared easily. Even before I came here I was struggling with anxiety.' Stephanie explained. 'I walked the halls today, I got all these weird stares from the students and even the paintings are making me feel uneasy. I just feel so silly. If even muggle children are doing just fine with magic, then why can't I?'

McGonagall looked at her with a sad smile. After a minute of silence she said: 'Children start here at age eleven. They are still young, and have a very lively fantasy. They are still flexible in the way they think. Adults however already have some live experience which makes them… mostly set in their ways. Anything different from what they already know is uncomfortable and sometimes scary. I believe this is the same for you now. But you can't avoid it here. So the question is not, why are you scared, the question is, what are you going to do about it?'

Stephanie needed a few seconds to reflect on what the older woman just said. She chuckled. Mcgonagall raised her eyebrows in surprise at Stephanie's reaction. 'Am I amusing you?'

'Oh no I'm not laughing at you. it's just, I sort of know you but now I notice I also don't? You give good advice and I think you're right. I just need to face my fear, I think. I'm just an anxious person and I'm afraid of being afraid I guess? I know I'm not making any sense right now but I sometimes also don't understand myself.'

Mcgonnagal put a hand on Stephanie's, 'I think I do understand, let me help you. I think facing your fear starts with understanding it. So why don't you start reading some books on magic? As I'm sure you know, we have a library with more books than one can read. It also contains all the books for the classes here.'

Stephanie nodded. 'Yeah I think that it's a good place to start.' She wondered what actually was written in all those books. What she knew about magic was only what was mentioned in the books and movies, but the books in the library must contain so much more information.

'Excellent!' McGonagall said, 'why don't you join us at the head table for breakfast tomorrow morning? I'll walk with you to the library before my first class starts, I will show you some books to start with.'

'I don't know… what if something scares me and I accidentally, I don't know, explode all the apples or something?' Stephanie asked. This earned her another sad smile from Mcgonagall. 'Come early then, at seven, when breakfast starts, it's not yet very crowded at that time. You can sit next to me, and I'll help you through it.' Stephanie thought about this for a minute. She told herself, if she didn't try anything, she would never succeed. So she nodded her head.

'Why are you being so kind and helpful to me Minerva? You don't even know me?' Stephanie asked. 'Was I not so nice in your books?' she asked. 'That's not what I meant, you were nice. But they way I "knew" you was always from a students point of view. So you came across as strict but fair. I just never have seen a very personal side of you I guess. I'll just don't have to depend on what I know from the books and movies too much, and see what all of you really are like, it might surprise me.'

'That couldn't hurt, I think.' They smiled at each other. And for the first time in days, Stephanie felt like she was talking to an actual person she was just getting to know, instead of feeling like she was in a dream world. They made some more small talk and McGonagall told Stephanie some more about the staff, about herself and Hogwarts. Most things Stephanie already knew, but it was interesting to hear them from a different point of view.

After a while, and many more cups of tea, McGonagall got up from the sofa. 'Time for bed I think. I will see you at seven in the great hall tomorrow morning! Do you know how to get to the great hall or would you like me to walk with you?' she asked as she slowly started walking to the door. Stephanie smiled gratefully at her, 'Thank you for the offer, but I think I will be able to find it. I'll see you at seven.' she said. 'At seven.' McGonagall repeated with a wink. And with a 'Good night!' she walked out the door.

Stephanie thought about the conversation she just had for a moment. Minerva was right, she needed to confront her fears. If she had to stay here, she better started to blend in as soon as possible, and accidental magic wouldn't help with that. She better get to bed, tomorrow was going to be a big day.