Note: I do not own any of the characters and such, those are entirely JK Rowling's.
Trigger warning: mention of suicide.
17. Fake it till you make it
She felt watched. There was no other way to describe it, even though she never really saw someone watching her. Every time she turned, she saw someone looking away. It was often Albus himself, or Snape, but after a few days she was convinced that even the ghosts' and the portraits' whispers quieted down as she passed by.
She felt a bit vulnerable again, which wasn't to her liking at all. At first she had felt so… dare she say powerful? Powerful because she was the only one who knew what would happen. She didn't desire it, but her knowledge was excellent for manipulation, when needed.
She was still determined to change the future, but with people watching her every move, she felt like they would know whenever she wished to change something. But how could they know? Only she knew the future, only she knew who would live or die, fight or flight, be light or dark.
And then it suddenly hit her while she was walking towards the great hall for breakfast: only she knew. How could the others ever tell if she had changed something, if they didn't even know how things were supposed to go in the first place? She just had to lie, and keep a straight face while at it.
She would have to lay low for a while, be the perfect staff member. She would not argue anymore with Albus about the future, hell, she wouldn't even bring it up. If she could just try to act as if she had slowly changed her mind and in a few days time could tell the man that he was right, would he fall for it? It was worth the shot.
The best moment to start with her new plan was right now, so at breakfast she had sat herself down next to Albus to start a very light and friendly conversation about the weather, classes and about the lovely shade of orange his robes were today.
The headmaster was skilled in occlumency and could hide his emotions very well. But Stephanie knew what to look for, to vaguely know how the man felt. She could see the surprise in the small pauses before he spoke again, power in his calm demeanour, sadness and disappointment in the absence of the twinkle in his eyes, and anger in the tension in his jaw.
She knew it would take a while before the headmaster would fully believe she had "changed" her mind, but the patience would be worth it. In the meanwhile she would keep all her plans and ideas to herself, hoping she could fool them all. She made a mental note of looking up occlumency and hopefully being able to teach herself a bit.
Later that day there would be the first quidditch match of the school year: Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Stephanie had already learned some quidditch tactics from madam Hooch. She of course already knew how quidditch worked and what the rules were, but she had to act dumb. She was actually pretty excited to watch her first quidditch game ever.
There were still a few hours left before the game would start and Stephanie decided to take a walk outside. The air was already chilly but it wasn't extremely cold yet, as winter still had to fully set in. She walked along the edge of the forbidden forest and followed a path into the woods. She made sure to not go into the forest too deeply, as she absolutely didn't want to encounter any creatures she couldn't deal with.
She entered a small clearing, and along the edges she noticed a thestral grazing. She had never really seen one before. It looked like a grim reaper as a horse, but they were also quite enchanting at the same time. Slowly she walked towards them to pet them on the head.
She had already suspected that someone would be following her outside, to check what she would be doing, making sure she wasn't doing anything crazy to change the future. On her way here she had heard some footsteps but hadn't actually seen anybody following her.
While she was petting the thestral she heard some twigs snap from the other side of the clearing, but she tried to not let the spy notice that she was aware of his presence. From the corner of her eye she thought she had seen something black, and decided to follow her guess as to who was hiding behind the trees.
'I know you're here, Severus' she said, hoping that it was indeed Snape, otherwise she would look very foolish. It remained silent for a minute, after which Stephanie could hear footsteps approaching her.
'You can see them?' she heard him ask behind her, closer than she thought. She didn't turn around but kept focussing on petting the thestral. If she had to look into those dark intimidating eyes, she wasn't sure if she could keep a straight face. Besides, she knew Snape was quite skilled in Legilimency, and she didn't want to risk it.
'Yeah…'she answered as she once more took in the sight of the strange creature. She noticed that more thestrals had come peeking at them from behind the trees. They really were a strange sight.
'My father died when I was nine, killed himself in our kitchen with one of the knives from the drawers.' she said, maybe a bit too nonchalant. Snape remained silent for a while. She wasn't sure if he wasn't saying anything because he didn't know what to say, or because he just didn't care.
After a few minutes Stephanie started to wonder if the man wasn't going to say anything at all. Just as she wanted to turn around to see if he was even still there he spoke. 'How did you know I was here?' he asked.
Stephanie had heard some footsteps of course but hadn't really been sure he had been watching her. She saw the chance to try out her bluffing skills. 'I heard your footsteps, and saw your robe. For a spy, you weren't very quiet.' she just said, hoping he would believe her.
She heard a small growl from behind her. Snape couldn't take criticism very well. 'I happen to be able to sneak around very well, just so you know.' he tried to defend himself. 'Most people don't hear or see me coming.' he added.
The longer Stephanie was in this world, the more she got annoyed with Snape's arrogant, grumpy and superior demeanour. This guy really needed to tone it down a bit. 'Yes, well, walking on eggshells for years teaches you some things!' she snarled back, annoyed.
Again, silence. She didn't really know what to do or say. This man caused a lot of awkward silences and she didn't really get why he was still standing behind her. Was he going to blunty keep an eye on her, now that she knew he was there?
Just when she wanted to ask him what he wanted he spoke. 'We should head to the pitch if you wish to attend the match.' he said in a monotone voice. Stephanie turned around to finally look him in the eye. She gave him a small nod and started walking towards the pitch. She soon heard Snape following her.
While they walked she was thinking about the match they were about to witness. This was the match where Quirrell would try to hex Harry's broom. It wasn't really necessary to try to change anything. Hermione was going to set Snape on fire which would conveniently cause Quirrell to lose eye contact as she knocked him over on her way out.
Still Stephanie felt like she should warn Snape, just to be sure. What if she, unintentionally had already changed something, which caused Snape not to cast the counter curse? She was in conflict with herself as she tried to decide what to do.
They were almost at the pitch now and she made a last minute decision. 'Watch him!' she hissed at Snape as they were about to part ways to different stands. Again she was met with an angry but confused look from the man.
'Watch your "friend".' she said. Surely he would understand what she meant? She was afraid to say anymore, to speak louder, as many people, students and teachers were within hearing range, all making their way to the pitch.
The man just looked at her for a few seconds before turning way and walking to the stands without saying anything. Stephanie was hoping it would be enough. She was actually surprised Snape had not mentioned her previous warning at Halloween to Dumbledore. That or Dumbledore pretended not to know.
She walked towards a stand and climbed the stairs. She noticed Dumbledore was already sitting there, ready for the match. This was perfect, Dumbledore could see that she was just going to watch the game as everybody else, and that in the end she had nothing to do with the jinxing of Harry's broom.
She sat herself down in front of the headmaster so he could see her well. Next to her was Pomona Sprout with whom she made small talk in the few minutes before the match began. Apparently the Herbology professor was a big fan of the sport, despite that she had never played herself.
Hooch entered the field and mounted her broom. After her the players from both teams came out on the field and took their positions in the air, ready for the match to begin. Madam Hooch gave them a short speech after which she blew her whistle to signal the start of the game.
Stephanie had imagined what a real match would be like, but it was much more intense than she would have thought. The players were flying everywhere so fast, the quaffle was being tossed around across the field and bludgers were zooming about. Nobody had seen the snitch yet. To the untrained eye, quidditch was complete chaos.
Stephanie became completely engulfed in the match and forgot about the incident that was about to happen. She was following the quaffle and applauded for every goal from both teams. This earned her a strange look from Pomona. 'So you're not a Gryffindor nor a Slytherin then eh?' she asked. Stephanie sighed. Apparently that discussion was still going on and her colleagues were still trying to figure out which house she had been sorted into.
Stephanie just gave the woman a small smile and shrugged. Right as Stephanie tried to find the positions of all the balls in the game again, a gasp from all the stands could be heard. She followed the gazes of the others and saw Harry hanging on to his broom for dear life. The Nimbus 2000 was shaking, going up and down, left and right, trying to toss the boy off.
Stephanie looked around and noticed someone wearing binoculars. Stephanie asked if she could borrow them for a second but instead of looking at Harry she looked at the stand across the field. First she focussed on Quirrell who she saw murmuring the spell and not breaking eye contact. Two rows in front of him was Snape who was currently looking around him to see what was happening, from Harry, to Quirrell and for a few seconds directly at her. He quickly began saying the countercurse staring at Harry as well.
Stephanie then focussed on the Gryffindor stands where she was searching for Ron and Hermione. She found Ron but there was no sight of Hermione, which probably meant the girl was already on her way to set her potions master on fire.
She focussed on the stand with Quirrell and Snape again, and soon enough she saw Quirrell falling which immediately broke the spell so Harry could get back on his broom again. A few seconds later Snape jumped up and started stomping on his own robes.
With a satisfied smile she watched the rest of the quidditch game after she gave back the binoculars she had borrowed. As she turned around to give them back she saw the Headmaster watching her with a serious look on his face. Stephanie just shrugged as if she was saying: I don't know what happened but with a smile, which made the Headmaster look away. Of course she knew, and the Headmaster realized this of course.
Within ten minutes after the incident Harry won the match by catching the snitch with his mouth. Stephanie got up to leave and as she descended the stairs she heard behind her 'A word in my office, please.' She didn't need to turn around to know it was the headmaster. So instead of going to her chambers, she directly walked to the headmaster's office. She was met there again by Dumbledore who was followed by both Snape and McGonagall.
'So…' the headmaster started after he took his seat behind his desk, 'that was an interesting match.' he said. 'Indeed' Stephanie just replied, which earned her questioning looks from her colleagues. 'You knew...again?' the transfiguration professor asked.
Stephanie sighed, she liked knowing all, but it was also a bit tiring to be put in the same position as after the Halloween incident. This was only the beginning, would she have to explain herself every time after something happened for the next seven years?
'Yes I knew.' she replied. 'But let me make it easy for you, and save us some time in the future: everytime an incident happens, I already knew.' she added. She looked at her colleagues and folded her arms, what was there more to say? She hadn't changed anything, well… sort of.
'What happened… last time?' the headmaster asked. 'The same..' Stephanie replied. Technically she wasn't lying, the same had happened. The headmaster raised his eyebrows at her, as if he didn't really believe her. 'So you didn't…' he started but Stephanie interrupted him. This was her chance to convince the man to believe she had changed her mind.
'No Albus, I haven't changed anything. It went exactly as I remembered.'she explained but noticed the man still seemed to doubt her. 'I know I have told you multiple times I wanted to change things, but I gave your point of view some thought, and I think you're right. Things could get much worse if we tried to change them, so I will just watch things happen, even though it will be hard. It's for the greater good.' she added. The last remark was maybe pushing it a little but she hoped they would buy it.
The headmaster considered her words for a moment before the twinkle in his eyes returned. 'I'm glad we agree Stephanie.' he said. She wanted to jump for joy over her small victory but just gave the headmaster a nod.
'Severus, do you have an idea about what happened?' Dumbledore asked the potions master. 'It was Quirrell headmaster, he was trying to jinx Potter's broom. I was trying to do the counter curse but someone set my robes on fire.' he said while he looked at Stephanie.
Albus found this apparently quite amusing. 'Really my boy? who was it?' he asked and somehow all eyes fell on Stephanie. They weren't implying she did it, because how could she? But they of course knew she knew who had been the culprit.
Stephanie raised her hands in innocence: 'Hey, I know things but I'm not a snitch!' Her colleagues tried to convince her to give up the name, but after she reminded them they didn't knew last time, the discussion quickly ended.
'Well, I'm glad you didn't get hurt by the fire, Severus, and Potter is fine as well. Let's get on with our day then!' Albus said happily as he popped a lemon drop in his mouth. They all left the office after which Snape quickly turned the other way and Stephanie and McGonagall walked towards the great hall together.
'You really think things would become worse if we tried to change them?' Minerva asked her. Stephanie smiled inwardly, pleased to hear the professor was doubting the decision. Stephanie wasn't ready to show the women her true intentions yet, as she knew how loyal she was.
'You don't?' she asked in return. The older woman sighed. 'I find it difficult. We don't want to make things worse and endanger the students, but it seems so tempting to try if we could save people and prevent terrible things.' she explained and Stephanie could hear the emotion in her voice. The woman truly cared for the students.
Stephanie replied with a hmhm to prevent her from saying too much. She had a feeling the transfiguration professor would be on her side sooner than she thought. And when that time came, she would tell her of her real plans.