That night, Draco cried in Ginny's lap for another hour, then he pulled her down into his arms and held her close against his chest. They didn't say anything else and eventually fell asleep. In the morning, Draco was gone. Ginny had no idea where he'd be this early on a weekend, but a quick inspection of his room revealed that his broom was missing, so she guessed he was flying.
She considered grabbing her broom from her room and joining him, but reasoned that if he wanted her company, he would have woken her up. She returned to the Gryffindor Tower and didn't hear from him for a solid week.
Ginny wasn't surprised and guessed he was embarrassed about falling apart in front of her. She had exams all week and didn't mind the time away from Draco and the heart-wrenching feeling that overcame her anytime she thought of him and his terrible circumstances. After exams were over, and she still hadn't heard from him, she decided to seek him out.
She couldn't find him in any of his usual spots: the Prefects' Office, the Library, or the Quidditch Pitch, and he'd changed the password to the Head Boy dormitory, so she couldn't wait in there for him. After determining that his room was empty, using a nifty spell Hermione had taught her over the summer, Ginny cast a Disillusionment Charm on herself and sat on the dungeon floor. She figured the easiest way to find Draco would simply be to wait here for him to return.
Ginny was regretting this plan thirty minutes later, when she heard voices coming down the long, dark hall. One of the people was unmistakably Draco, and he was walking toward Ginny with a witch at his side. Her stomach twisted at the thought of him bringing someone else back to his room, but she pushed the thought out of her mind. She could worry about that later. Now, she needed to hide.
Draco and the witch were about thirty feet away, so Ginny couldn't run in the opposite direction. Even though she was disguised, they'd see the movement. Her only option was to sit perfectly still until they disappeared inside his room. Ginny curled herself into a ball and dropped her head down, trying to make herself as small as possible.
"Come on...why can't we hang out tonight?" the witch whined. Ginny recognized the voice. It was Pansy Parkinson.
"I told you, we're done," Draco replied brusquely.
Ginny could tell they were almost at the door now and chanced a look up at them through a crack between her arms. She saw Draco's eyes widen, then he moved to block her from view as she dipped her head back into her knees. Of course he'd seen her, he didn't miss much. Hopefully Pansy wasn't as observant as Draco.
"Come on, Drake," Pansy pleaded in a very annoying voice.
"Don't call me that," Draco snapped back at her. A coldness hit Ginny on the head, then began creeping down the rest of her body. He'd strengthened the Disillusionment Charm.
"I don't know what happened," Pansy continued, clearly oblivious to Ginny's presence. "We were doing fine - then - nothing."
Draco let out a large sigh of frustration. Ginny wondered if the fact that Ginny was here, listening to this was adding to his annoyance, or if he'd been this irritated even without her here. She hadn't realized that he'd been dating Pansy when he and Ginny had started their "thing." And it sounded like he'd broken it off with Pansy for her.
"I already told you," he said through clenched teeth, "we-"
"I know, I know. You think I'm too frivolous and that I'm not taking the war seriously. But I don't know why you're so bent out of shape. We're winning, Draco. You should be-"
SLAM! Ginny jumped, then peeked up and saw that Draco had hit his hand against the door to his room. "Go," he said dangerously.
To Pansy's credit, she didn't back away, but placed a hand on Draco's shoulder instead. "Draco? Are you okay? Is something the matter? Because you know you can-"
"I said, go."
She bristled and finally backed away from him. "So what? That's it? We've been together three years, friends for even longer, and now it's over? Just like that? No explanation?"
"It appears so." Ginny winced. She didn't know about the history between them, but that seemed overly harsh. Then again, Pansy had just told him he should stop worrying about the horrors of war because they were winning.
"You are a selfish prat!" Pansy shouted. "And I deserve better than you!"
She turned around and marched down the hall while Draco muttered his password under his breath, too low for Ginny to hear, and disappeared into his dorm, slamming the door behind him.
About ten minutes later, he popped his head out of the room and sighed when he spotted Ginny, still sitting on the floor. "Of course, you're still here."
"We've been together for two months, then nothing. Is it over, just like that? No explanation?" Ginny replied in what she thought was a pretty good interpretation of Pansy.
He ignored her joke. "You need to go. Curfew's starting soon and whoever's on patrol will likely walk past here on their way up to the towers, since there's a secret passage at the end of this hall. Pansy may have missed you, but the others won't."
"I'm not going to go until you talk to me."
Draco sighed and disappeared back inside. This time he waited thirty minutes before checking on her. He walked out into the hall and stood a few feet in front of her. She could see him squinting so he could make her out. "Come on, I'll walk you back."
"No. I'm staying here until you talk to me."
His tone turned harsh. "About what, Weasley? My feelings? My hopes and dreams? My darkest fears? I'm not a bloody Gryffindor. I know I - you know - but that was an anomaly and it didn't mean anything. It doesn't mean we're suddenly friends. You were just a conveniently fuck, and now it's not convenient anymore, so you need to leave."
If Ginny hadn't just learned that he'd broken up with his girlfriend of three years to be with her, she might have believed him. And he also kept coming out into the hall to check on her. If she really meant nothing to him, as he claimed, he'd just leave her out here to get caught. Draco wanted her here, that was clear, he was just a stubborn idiot. But she could wait him out.
"Okay," she replied with a shrug.
"Good. I'm glad you understand. Now go."
"You go."
He sighed, clearly annoyed now. "If I go back inside, you're just going to sit here and get yourself caught," he said slowly, like he was explaining something to someone stupid.
Ginny rose to her feet and crossed her arms. "Why do you care? I thought I was just a convenient fuck."
"It will make me look bad."
"I'm sure you can come up with a clever excuse. Tell them I've become obsessed with you or have been trying to trade sexual favors for any protection you can give my family. Use that Slytherin cunning of yours."
He snorted and returned to his room, slamming his door so hard, Ginny felt the stone wall vibrate under her. She sighed and returned to her spot on the floor. She heard a clock in the distance chime, signaling the start of curfew. Hopefully Draco would give up before someone walked by. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't see her. It was dark in the hall and she had the strength of two Disillusionment Charms hiding her.
Fifteen minutes later, Draco opened the door. He didn't say anything or come into the hall, so she just took the open door as an invitation to go inside. Once she was in the safety of his room, she removed the disguising spell and turned to face him. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, glowering at her.
"I fucking hate you."
"Back at you, Malfoy." But it wasn't true, for either of them, and they both knew it.
"Say your piece so you can go."
Ginny didn't have a speech planned. She'd preoccupied herself with figuring out how to find Draco and get him alone, but hadn't decided what she was going to say when she managed the task. Oh well, she'd just have to wing it.
"I know you're not used to being vulnerable around people but it doesn't make you weak," she began. "You're in an awful situation right now and going through intense trauma and you don't have to do that alone."
Draco looked unimpressed. Ginny sighed and tried another tactic.
"Okay, you opened up to me. How about I open up to you? Then we'll be even."
He was quiet and she took it as a good sign that he wasn't teasing her or saying he didn't care to hear whatever she had to say. But, before she spoke again, she faltered, because the truth was, she rarely opened up to people. Ginny always put on a brave face and she knew most of her friends took that to mean that she was confident and had everything figured out, but that was far from the truth.
The only person who knew how insecure Ginny was, deep down, was Hermione. Even Harry didn't know. Was Ginny really going to discuss this with Draco before Harry? When Ginny's eyes met Draco's, she saw him wearing a smug look. He'd obviously noticed her hesitance. Well, she couldn't let him win, so she took a deep breath and continued talking.
"Feelings, hopes and dreams, darkest fears. That's what you said in the hall, right?"
"Yes," he nodded, clearly amused, "go ahead."
She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him, then looked away from Draco toward the fireplace, figuring it'd be easier to talk without looking into his cold, blank eyes. "Lately, I've been feeling…useless, lonely, worried for my friends and family. Before, I was mostly happy but when I do have bad emotions, they usually manifest as anger. I think we're similar like that."
Ginny took another deep breath. "My hopes and dreams…Before the war I wanted to matter. To be important, famous even, maybe by playing Quidditch. I've been the youngest sibling for so long that I wanted to be the first person people thought of for once, not the seventh. But now...I just want me and my whole family to make it out of this war alive and the other stuff seems stupid."
She looked back at Draco, but his expression was still impassive. At least he wasn't sneering, or worse, laughing. Ginny looked back at the fire. "And my darkest fear is that I'm not as great as I think I am. That I'm small, and mediocre, and don't matter. That I'm powerless to change the things happening around me and that in the end, I'll die this lame death and be forgotten. Just another casualty of war - a sad statistic."
Ginny had tears in her eyes now, which was extremely embarrassing, so she stayed facing the fire and dropped her head, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes. Draco moved to her side, she could feel him, and see his shoes next to hers, but he didn't touch her or say anything. After what felt like forever, he grabbed her chin and gently lifted her head so she was facing him.
His eyes were stormy and she thought he looked angry, but it didn't appear to be directed at her. "You are the opposite of mediocre," he said bluntly. "So strike that from your list of fears."
"Okay. I'll forget about that whole thing and get a new fear, just because you said so."
His lips turned up slightly, then he dropped her chin and shook his head. "Do you ever stop cracking jokes?"
"No."
Draco nodded and fixed her with an intense stare. Ginny met his eyes and waited for him to say something else about everything she'd admitted, but he didn't. Instead, he asked, "Why are you here? Really."
She knew he didn't mean here, in his dormitory, but here, with him. He'd tried to push her away and had given her a clean out, but she hadn't taken it. Why not? That would have certainly been easiest, then she could go back to her friends and refocus on fighting against Snape and the Carrows. She could say she was here because she wanted help from someone on the inside, but that would just be a lie.
"Tell me," he pressed.
Ginny looked back at the fire and said in a small voice, "I feel more like myself when I'm with you."
"Why?"
She looked back at him and said honestly, "No idea. I try my best not to think about it."
Draco looked sad and she thought for a moment he was going to cry again, but he regained control of his features quickly and soon, his face was blank. He let out a sigh and started pacing the room.
"Why did you kiss me that first time?" she asked, figuring it was only fair he confided something embarrassing, since she'd given him so much tonight.
"I don't know."
"You really don't?"
Draco stopped in front of her and grazed her cheek with the back of his hand. "I really don't." Draco let out one more sigh before dropping his hand and stepping away from her. "I can walk you back now."
Ginny squeezed her eyes shut before admitting, "I don't want to go."
She was waiting for him to turn mean again, to reject her or tell her she was pathetic. He didn't. Draco placed a soft kiss on her lips, which she didn't see coming, since she still had her eyes closed. "Then don't," he whispered.
Keeping her eyes closed, Ginny stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her head on his chest. "Thank you," she murmured, knowing she didn't have to specify what for. He knew. For letting her in, for listening to her, for not teasing her, for letting her stay.
Draco wrapped his arms around her and muttered into her hair, "I apologize for what I said earlier. It was rude and uncalled for."
"You're going to have to be more specific."
He nipped her neck, then lifted her chin and gave her a thorough kiss. It felt as if he was making up for a whole week's worth of missed kisses in one go. She melted into him, trying to ignore how the ache in her chest she'd been feeling all week was finally fading away.
"You're impossible, Weasley," he said with a grin once he finally pulled away.
She smiled back at him. "And yet, here we are."
"Yeah," he replied. A hint of his sadness from earlier was back in his eyes. "Here we are."
Christmas Break was boring and sad and seemed to last forever. It was nothing like the holiday breaks in the past, when the house had been full and teeming with Christmas spirit. Ginny was alone with her parents this year and her mum had barely decorated the house. There was just a small tree by the fireplace to mark the occasion.
Ginny and her mum had been holding out hope that Harry, Ron, and Hermione would magically appear, or at least send word, but they never did. Then again, did Ginny want that? What would she say to Harry if he showed up? Oh, you remember Malfoy? The person who was horrible to you growing up? Yeah, I'm shagging him, like, a lot.
It was probably best he wasn't here. Though, it would be really nice to talk to Hermione. Ginny thought she was the only person who would understand Ginny's complicated feelings for Draco and who wouldn't judge her for getting mixed up with him. If Hermione were here, Ginny would tell her how it had all started and how it was supposed to be just sex. She'd tell her that now it was more than sex. They were definitely friends, maybe more, but were both too scared to admit it.
Ginny would tell her about his fear that he'd be forced to kill and how when Ginny thought about it, she didn't condemn him for it. The thought of him killing someone didn't make her angry, just unbelievably sad. It didn't turn her off of him, but made her want to reach out to Draco and comfort him. Which meant she was the type of person who could be in a relationship with a murderer.
She'd explain to Hermione that she'd learned this year that the world wasn't just black and white, and that it was a painful lesson and that sometimes, she just wished she was a kid again who didn't have to face hard truths.
But there was no Hermione to unload all these feelings on, so Ginny was left alone and spent most of the time in her room, curled up in a ball on her bed.
Ginny got some reprieve a few days before the end of break when Fred and George stopped by for dinner. It was great seeing them again and she could squint and pretend it was like before. Now, they were in the sitting room, catching up while her parents attended an Order meeting.
"I love your radio program," she was telling them. "Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me sane."
"You listen?" George asked. "Even at Hogwarts?"
"Yeah. We all do."
"Brilliant," Fred exclaimed.
"Did you hear the one about little Ginevra?" George asked.
"Oh, I did! You know, I actually met her, very briefly. I was in the forest serving detention that night."
"You saw them?" George asked, alarmed. "When the Snatchers were chasing them? How'd you get away? Did the centaurs help you, too?"
"Wait. The centaurs?" Ginny asked, then wondered if the centaurs were helping Draco in the forest. Maybe that's who he passed the fugitives to.
"Yeah. It's pretty brilliant how they'd been helping so many unregistered Muggleborns escape to safety," Fred replied. "At first they weren't very organized. But now they have this whole system setup across the country with all different tribes. Anyone on the run just needs to get to one of their safe spots, then the centaurs will get them out of the country."
"Kingsley said the timing of it all was perfect, since the Order doesn't have the resources to help fugitives, right now," George added.
"Are you sure it's the centaurs helping them? Just them? No one else?" Ginny asked carefully.
"Yeah," George replied. "I talked to little Ginevra and her mum myself. They were staying at Order headquarters for a bit, since that was before the centaurs were organized and were just passing runaways on to the Order."
A cold pit began to settle in Ginny's stomach as the truth of what had been going on in the forest became clear. "No one else helped?"
Fred shrugged. "They didn't say anything. Why? What have you heard?"
Ginny felt sick and excused herself to the loo. She splashed cold water on her face as she ran through every conversation she'd ever had with Draco about the forest. He'd admitted to being in there but had never admitted to helping. He'd never denied it either. Draco had let her assume he was the person helping everyone escape. What was he really doing in there? Trying to stop the centaurs?
Ginny remembered his wrist. It had been shattered, perhaps stepped on by a hoof? Tears stung her eyes. This entire relationship with him was based on her certainty that he was good, that he'd been trying to fight back. If that was all a lie…
Draco had played her. And the signs had been there. What had he said? "I'm not some big hero. I'm not Harry Potter. I don't save people."
He'd told her that over and over again and she'd continued to ignore him. She'd been determined to see what she wanted to see. She was pathetic, but he'd let her believe it, so he was at fault too.
Tears were streaming down her face now and she splashed more water to clear them. She dried off with a towel, then took a deep breath and tried to hide her emotions. She didn't want to waste this time with her brothers. She was going to go back out there and enjoy them, then try to remain calm for the rest of the break.
She could kill Malfoy when she was back at Hogwarts.
SMACK! Ginny slapped Malfoy as soon as she walked into his dormitory. "I trusted you!"
He backed away from her, pulling his wand out of his pocket and pointing it at her. "Have you gone mad, Weasley?"
Ginny shot several hexes at him, which he blocked. Prat. "You aren't helping the people in the forest, are you?"
The anger that had appeared in his eyes was gone and he looked contrite. "I never said I was."
"It was implied."
He sighed and lowered his wand slightly. "If you seriously thought I was going to commit a crime like that against the Dark Lord and risk not just my life, but the lives of my parents, then you really are mad. And you clearly don't know me at all."
"You're right about that," she snapped back. "I thought you were different. I thought you were better. But I was so wrong. You're just a coward who was looking for a convenient fuck. Or maybe this was just about getting back at Harry."
"No. Of course no-"
"I don't want to hear any more of your lies. I was an idiot. I thought you were worth something, but you're just like the rest of them and I'm not wasting any more of my time with you."
He looked wounded, but she knew it was just a lie, just some attempt to get her to feel bad for him and forgive him. Ginny was finished being manipulated by Draco Malfoy. She turned to the door but he put his hand on it so she couldn't leave. Ginny shot a Stinging Jinx at his foot, making him groan and hop back.
"Ask me why I kissed you," he said once she had the door open. She looked back at him, confused. "I didn't know when you asked me before, but I know now," he added.
"I don't care, Malfoy. Sod off and never talk to me again." She shot a final hex at him, smiling when it hit him square in the chest and blasted him back into the room, then she slammed the door hard and nearly ran back to the Gryffindor Tower.