Author's Note: I've added chapter 0, there's credits and a description of the new cover art! Full resolution image can be found on ladylaire's profile on Instagram. Take a look!

Disclaimer: The month isn't up, I still own Harry Potter, as per our bet. Do you want him to do a backflip? Break a bad guys neck? Wear a maid apron and call you Oni-san? Well, it won't happen, because he's mine!

Harry is a She!

Chapter 7

Justifying Juxtaposition

On the first day of her tenure, Dolores Umbridge visited all the Professors' classes and reviewed them according to the Ministry guidelines. Some of them, of course, wouldn't be staying in the school for long, like the half-witted mongrel of a Care of Magical Creatures Professor. Professor, for Morgana's sake! Even his subject should be removed from the curriculum.

On the second day, she announced the new guidelines for proper students' behaviour. Students shall not sit closer than twenty inches from each other at all times. It wouldn't do for the depraved boys to lay their filthy male hands on innocent girls, would it? On second thought, they weren't worthy to touch even a guilty girl. Let them have each other if their perverted little monkey brains stoop to such a level. Then she would just have them expelled.

On the third day, the new uniform restrictions she wrote finally got through the Ministry. Now every student had to wear exactly the same shirt, robes and pants or skirt. No more excuses from Potter!

There was only one problem. She couldn't find her.

On the four day, Miss Potter was absent from her Defense class.

"Does anyone know why Miss Potter didn't deign to appear in class today?" Dolores asked.

"Harry is not in the castle, Professor." Miss Granger said.

"Excuse me?"

"Harry's not in the castle. He got excused by Professor McGonagall."

After class, she stalked down the Head of House Gryffindor in her office to demand answers.

"Why is Miss Potter not in the castle, Minerva?"

The gaunt woman looked up from grading assignments.

"Because he had urgent legal matters to attend to."

"What matters?" she demanded.

"Private ones."

"I demand that you give me details!"

The Transfiguration Mistress raised a brow.

"I could not tell you even if I knew, Dolores. Even the High Inquisitor does not have the jurisdiction to interfere in family matters of Hogwarts' students."

Dolores smiled victoriously.

"Not yet, perhaps."

With that, she left for her office to contact the Minister. It seemed things at Hogwarts were in even worse a state than she suspected.

The next morning, she was interrupted during breakfast by a black owl dropping a scroll in her lap. She scowled at the offending parchment, not needing to unroll it to recognise what it meant.

On the fifth day of her tenure, Dolores Umbridge got sued.

He got ready, combed his hair, buttoned his robes halfway down and even asked the girls to do his hair for him.

"What's the occasion?" Lavender asked, already pouring Sleekeasy on her hands.

"Revenge." he said simply.

Nobody asked anymore after that. Mostly because Hermione already knew what he was doing.

Having come down to the Common Room, Harry is was so surprised to see his lawyer he forgot about manners.

"What're you doing here?" he asked Mrs Franklin.

The old woman stared him down.

"I knew it would be too much to hope you'd dress properly so I took care of it myself." she shoved a black, flat box in his hands. "I won't lose this case just because you have no sense of style."

Harry pried open the box and scowled.

"I'm not going to wear this."

The woman gave him a challenging look.

"No, you're not going to make me!"

"Do you want to bet me?" she asked slyly.

His scowl deepened and he growled:

"I'm going to kill you if you try."

She only smiled.

"Be careful, Miss Potter, such threats can get you sued yourself."

Two hours later Harry Potter walked into courtroom number seven feeling distinctly uncomfortable. It might have had something to do with the calculating looks the members of the Wizengamot were giving him or the fact that he had had to let go of Hermione's hand before they went in. Or the fact that the last time he met most of those people they had stripped him of his manhood. Legally speaking, of course.

But most likely it was the dress. The flowing, laced black dress that hugged his body in all the wrong places. It certainly didn't help that it sported golden lace, red linings and an actual neckline.

He didn't know what it was called, he didn't care, any sort of neckline was too showing for him and the only blessing he could count was that he managed to smuggle in a half-cape into the outfit, covering his unfortunately not-so-nonexistent-anymore cleavage.

This time he could take his place in a lodge on the right, in front of the audience seats, where Mrs Franklin gave him yet another gauging look.

"You look passably well-dressed."

"Yay, thanks." he said dryly.

"Indeed." she drawled. "Just don't open your mouth and the impression should hold."

Harry kept quiet and then saw Umbridge come in and take the seat in the middle. The chains rose and coiled over her forearms, bringing a barely disguised expression of disgust to her face.

"I call this gathering to order!" Fudge slammed his hammer in the highest seat. "The matter at hand today is a civil case of one Harriet Jamesina Potter suing Madame Dolores Jane Umbridge based on an alleged assault attempt."

Harry leaned to Mrs Franklin.

"Why aren't you objecting? This is a criminal case, not a civil one." he whispered.

The woman shot him a glare that could only be meant to remind him to keep quiet.

Just then, of all people, Lucius Malfoy stood up and raised the same point.

"Minister, isn't assault a criminal offence prosecuted from the office? Why is this considered a civil case?"

Fudge looked at Malfoy over his glasses and then at the papers in front of him, pretending to be deep in thought.

"That is correct, Lord Malfoy. Apparently, we have a procedural error." he glared at the perplexed Percy Weasley in the scribes seat. "In that case, we'll postpone the proceedings until the errors are fixed and a new date can be set."

He made to slam his hammer but Mrs Franklin cut him off.

"That is quite alright, Minister." she called, standing in her seat. "My client would much rather have the case resolved today than bog your office down with unnecessary paperwork."

"And who might you be, Mrs...?"

"Elizabeth Franklin, representing Miss Potter as her barrister."

"I believe Miss Potter is capable of speaking for herself unless something changed since the last trial?" Fudge looked her up and down critically.

"My client is still very distressed after the incident to which we refer today and is afraid she won't find her peace until justice is found."

Harry hung his head, hoping to look properly distressed. With all the eyes on him and the bloody dress, he didn't really have to pretend. He felt Hermione's hand squeeze his shoulder in encouragement and a stupid smile crawled up his face. It was lucky his head was already hung.

"The procedure is clear, in case of an error such as this..."

Fudge got caught off by Madame Longbottom.

"Well, perhaps we should vote on that, shall we?" she offered.

So they did. Right after the vote on whether they should vote on it.

It was decided the trial would go forward.

"Alright." Minister Fudge said, dabbing at his face with a handkerchief. "The prosecution can now call their first witness."

Now Mrs Franklin objected.

"But, dear Minister, we haven't read the charges yet."

"But I did." Fudge argued. "At the very beginning of this seating of the Wizengamot."

"Well, then, Minister, that would be highly irregular as it is not the procedure, which you hold so dearly, nor were the charges read correctly."

Harry could barely hold back a smile now. He hid his face in a handkerchief of his own and blew his nose loudly to cover up his growing fit of giggles.

"The prosecution can now read the charges." Fudge said defeatedly, seeing as he backed himself into a corner.

"Wait, Minister." Malfoy interrupted. "The charges have already been read, reading them again would mean amending them. The Wizengamot should vote on whether it should be allowed."

So they did. Fudge was eager to take any way out, even if it only had a small chance of success.

In the end, it didn't change anything. The Wizengamot simply liked voting on stuff.

Mrs Franklin stepped forward, in all her probably-one-hundred-and-fifty-but-still-kicking glory.

"Dolores Jane Umbridge, you're charged with abusing your authority as a teacher, under whose care children have been trusted, and attempting a sexual assault on one of the children, namely one Harriet Jamesina Potter. What do you have to say in your defence?"

"I didn't do it, obviously!" Umbridge screeched, though her voice was mostly drowned out by the cries of outrage from the Wizengamot, for various reasons.

Harry smirked. Fortunately, Umbridge was too proud to hire a barrister herself.

"Is there any evidence to support these alleged crimes?" Minister Fudge interjected.

"Eyewitness reports from over twenty students, with submitted memories and written statements from the event." Mrs, no, Madame Franklin stated, raising her wand and levitating a stack of parchments from her desk and over to the Wizengamot members.

They bend over the statements and began picking them apart, or at least trying to.

"The way I see it, it's the word of a couple of frustrated teenagers against the word of our own Undersecretary of the Minister of Magic," Lucius Malfoy said. "as well as High Inquisitor of Hogwarts. Who should we believe here?"

"Are you calling my daughter a liar?" someone else called from the opposite side of the stands.

"I'm merely saying that children are impressionable and impulsive." he said, spreading his arms in a calming gesture. "And we should not forget that Miss Potter has been found mentally disturbed by this very body."

"But it's not Miss Potter's accounts we're looking at here." another argued. "And those accounts are indeed disturbing."

"Perhaps we should simply view the memories?" Madame Franklin offered, dangling a vial in her off-hand.

Of course, it had to be voted upon.

Then, a single Pensieve has been brought in, filled with the memories and passed from person to person. This single procedure took way longer than any reasonable trial should in its entirety. The rest of the Wizengamot members basically organised themselves a lunch break while their peers sat with their heads stuck in a bowl of silvery goo.

It had to be terribly unsanitary, Harry realised. What if someone hadn't washed their hair today? What if someone had lice? What if Snape shared the same pensieve?

With a horrible wince, Harry realised that it was highly likely the bat had used Dumbledore's Pensieve, the same one he dunk his head in thoughtlessly. His only hope was that Dumbledore cleaned it at least once in a while.

He caught one of the members looking straight at him, most likely witnessing his wince. He could only hope it would be interpreted as himself reliving the incident and would support his distressed act. He had to force himself not to turn around to seek Hermione's reassuring gaze.

After everyone was satisfied the statements were supported by actual memories, and not only from Harry's friends, the Minister had a brilliant (in his mind) idea:

"We call Madame Umbridge to give her version of the events."

Harry's hands were getting sweaty at this point. Everyone saw the event now and Umbridge could spin it any way she wanted. The only thing she needed was to convince the idiots it wasn't anything serious.

It soon turned out, he needn't worry.

"I was taking the roll as usual and noticed Miss Potter wasn't dressed appropriately. She insisted that she in fact was and I asked her to prove it."

"After she already warned you not to?" somebody snorted.

"I needed to make sure that rules were followed. You clearly saw she transfigured the outer robe into some mockery of the school uniform! The girl never had any intention of following the rules and wearing an actual woman's outfit!"

All eyes fell on Harry, who hung his head again, blushing furiously. He realised that if Madame Franklin hadn't pushed him so hard, they would've lost right this moment. The look of shock at Umbridge's face at seeing him 'properly dressed' was almost worth feeling like a transvestite.

Almost.

Fudge placed his glasses down and wiped at his eyes tiredly.

"Thank you, Madame Umbridge." he looked around for help and seemed to meet Malfoy's eyes. Harry couldn't see but apparently the other man gave some kind of sign. "Now, I think we'd all like to hear what Miss Potter has to say of the event."

Madame Franklin flinched almost imperceptibly. She stood.

"My client is still very distressed and unfit to speak publicly."

"Be it as it may, Mrs Franklin, the Wizengamot holds the right to call to witness whomever they want."

"Then the Wizengamot should consider the wisdom of interrogating a hurting girl in front of her assailant in the very place where only three short months ago her life has been turned upside down."

So, the Wizengamot did consider. And voted on it. They decided they didn't care.

Harry stood and came out to the centre of the courtroom. The very same place where he confronted them at the last trial, where he told them about Voldemort and they didn't care either.

"Miss Potter, tell us about the incident in question." the Minister ordered.

Harry looked up at him and licked his lips. Slowly, he let his eyes glide over the gathered elders, turning around until he met Hermione's eyes in the audience stands. She smiled at him. He took a deep breath.

Turning back to the Minister, he answered. He told them exactly what they wanted to hear. After all, they wouldn't listen to anything else.

"Minister Fudge, honoured members of the Wizengamot... You know me. We've met here this summer and you've seen the state I was in. You can imagine that moving on to live as a female was an... adjustment to me."

Some members laughed at the understatement.

"I've been known for years as the Boy-Who-Lived. Even after that has been amended, it wasn't easy to change that image. Coming back to Hogwarts, my friends still treated me like before. I still didn't own any female clothes and I wasn't aware that the female uniform was different, or rather that the differences are obligatory."

"Ignorance of the law does not excuse one from following it."

Squaring his shoulders, gathering all the dignity a guy forced into a dress can, Harry said:

"I know. It has been pointed out to me by Miss Umbridge here," he tilted his head in her direction. "and I took appropriate action. I found the style of uniform I would be most comfortable in and ordered it by owl." that was true, he only changed the chronology. "It took some time for the order to come in and in the meantime the unfortunate incident in Defense class happened." he bit his lip and slumped his shoulders. He could finally let out all the pent up frustration and discomfort, his shoulders began to shake slightly and he let out a sob.

Honestly, he should get an Oscar for this.

"I transfigured my robes because I couldn't get anything better. I'm not that good with magic, you know. I thought it was fine but..." another sob. "...it wasn't good enough for Professor Umbridge." he hid his hands in his face, sobbing again. He couldn't quite squeeze out any tears but he wiped his eyes anyway. What they couldn't see...

"I told her that it was my uniform, that it was my skirt but she wasn't letting go. She wanted to see m-my panties... I don't understand, why did she want to see my panties?! What's so interesting in them?!"

The members of the Wizengamot looked distinctly uncomfortable now and Harry had to suppress the vengeful smile threatening to creep up his face, now that they tasted a bit of their own medicine.

"Are to telling us that you didn't have anything underneath?" one of the gobsmacked elders asked.

"Of course not! Do you know how hot it is under these robes? It's no wonder girls have their skirts so short, I was getting all sweaty under there!"

Now his face got all red, of embarrassment rather than distress but he hoped the old creeps couldn't tell the difference.

Minister Fudge cleared his throat.

"Right, erm, thank you, Miss Potter. The Wizengamot has no further questions, you can return to your seat."

Harry did so and wiped his eyes on the hem of his dress as he sat. He felt Hermione's hand on his shoulder again and Madame Franklin handed him a handkerchief.

After that performance, the Wizengamot was visibly swayed in his favour and Fudge called a few more witnesses to discharge the tension. Amongst others, Healer Johnson to testify about his mental state. Whatever Fudge counted on, he didn't get it.

Then, they called Hermione to describe his progress in reintegration into society as a girl, specifically in their dorm. She didn't even have to play up his problems and he had to hide a blush again as she described his monthly problems.

Finally, the Wizengamot voted that it was ready to give its verdict.

"Before we do, I propose we allow Madame Umbridge her last defence." the Minister said.

Of course, it had to be voted upon. Umbridge got her chance.

She tried to stand from her chair but the chains held her. Her face twisted.

"Minister, members of the Wizengamot, it is outrageous that word of a criminal who got sentenced just this summer counts above the word of the Senior Undersecretary. It is an insult to the good name of the Ministry itself!" seeing the disinterest on the elders' faces, she changed tune. "Regardless of the feelings of this recidivist, it was my right and duty as a senior member of staff to demand that she dress properly!"

"When she clearly stated she felt sexually violated by you?" someone interrupted.

"I had my reasons. I don't need to explain myself to you." she held her chin high. "How could you understand such matters? You're just men. I call in the rite of the Secrets of the Lady."

Harry gaped. A choking sound came from Madame Franklin and he realised she was trying not to laugh. In the stands, he saw Lucius Malfoy facepalm.

Minister Fudge addressed the Wizengamot.

"It's one of our oldest traditions and we'll have to honour it, however, the current Wizengamot only has two female members and it's not enough to hold a decisive vote."

Malfoy stood again.

"I can temporarily cede my seat upon my wife, that will solve any possible tie."

It was voted upon and a few minutes later three women: Augusta Longbottom, Amelia Bones and Narcissa Malfoy gathered around Umbridge's chair with Harry and Madame Franklin, all under a silencing spell.

"So, what is the secret reason?" Augusta asked without preamble.

"Discipline. Honour!" Umbridge screeched. "The girl is making a mockery of our gender, trying to act like a boy, insisting to be addressed as such! You all heard her, she called me 'Sir'!"

Narcissa raised a brow. Amelia rolled her eyes. Augusta just sighed.

"That's your secret reason? You realise you're just wasting our time?" she turned to leave.

"No, wait! The boy is molesting the other girls in her dorm! I'm sure of it! He's demoralising our precious girls! He's defiling their pure little bodies!"

Augusta looked at Harry for a moment, shook her head and addressed the other two women.

"Since we've been handled the power of the entire Wizengamot in this case, I say we just vote her guilty and go home."

Amelia nodded and looked to Narcissa, who glanced at Umbridge and apparently decided to throw the woman under the bus.

"I concur." she looked at Harry. "What should we do with her?" she asked him directly and the other two women looked at him expectantly.

He shrugged.

"I just don't want her to do that to anyone again."

Thus, the Wizengamot decided unanimously that Dolores Jane Umbridge was guilty of attempted sexual assault, would be sacked from all her positions, fined a thousand galleons, have to pay Harry that same recompense and would never be allowed to work with children again.

As he exited the courtroom, a swarm of reporters and paparazzi descended upon him. Only the presence of Madame Franklin, who split the crowd like an icebreaker, with her template response of "Miss Potter is unavailable for comment", and the soft hand of Hermione gently guiding him after her, saved him from getting mauled.

It was only after they Flooed back to the castle that he could start breathing again, only to have Hermione push all the air out of his lungs with a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm so proud of you!" she said to his ear. "You were wonderful!"

"Ugh, thanks." he said, trying to catch a breath.

"I have to agree with Miss Granger." the old woman said. "I tried to keep you from having to speak but you pulled through exemplary. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the vile woman actually stripped you in front of a class."

Hermione eased her embrace just enough for him to tussle his hair in embarrassment.

"Oh, you know, it was good to let out some things."

Madame Franklin gave him a quizzical look, glancing at the girl still enveloping him.

"Indeed." she drawled. "Well, my job here is done. Expect a receipt in a few days." she waved them off. "Now, go report to your Deputy Headmistress, I'm sure she'll be delighted that you just rid her of yet another Defense Professor."

Harry winced involuntarily.

Ten minutes later, McGonagall's office:

"Two months! She lasted two months! Do you know the difference between two months and a school year? It's eight months! Next time you decide to get rid of my staff, at least wait until the second term, or give me a warning so I can look for a replacement in advance!"

Upon successfully returning to Gryffindor Tower, Harry and Hermione were immediately swarmed by a crowd of Lions demanding answers.

"Where were you?"

"What happened?"

"We heard Umbridge got sued!"

Harry raised his hand to shut them up, noticing Hermione still holding his other.

"Yes, Umbridge was summoned in front of the Wizengamot." he didn't want to tell them why. "Good news, she's not coming back."

That caused a new furore among their housemates.

"You're serious?" one of the Twins asked.

"Absolutely sure?" the other added, holding up a huge firework that Harry for some reason didn't think to worry about.

"Yes, she was found guilty and she'll never work with children again." he said.

At that announcement, Fred and George launched the firework inside.

Harry got completely stunned and then started laughing, at the same time as Hermione jumped into his arms with a startled 'eep!'.

He twirled her around, laughing madly, and soon she joined him.

Their hair looked like something just blew them up, which it did, their dresses were already ruined, his ears were ringing but he didn't care. He was finally free of Umbridge, he finally got something right, he was holding his best friend in his arms and she was smiling down at him, biting her lip. She looked like lightning just struck her but in his eyes she was as beautiful as the day of the Yule Ball.

Just then, inspiration struck.

"Would you like to dance with me?" he asked, lowering her to the floor.

"With pleasure."

She curtseyed and offered her hand. He took it and pulled her closer, surrounding her back with the other arm.

There was no music but it didn't matter. He couldn't even dance but he didn't care. Today, everything was right.

Suddenly, music started playing.

He glanced around and saw the Twins giving him a thumbs-up.

Then, Hermione took the lead and they began doing more difficult figures. Emboldened by their success, Harry lead her into a pirouette and she leant back on his arm, laughing heartily.

Then, more people appeared on the impromptu dance floor and the music changed to something modern. Hermione straightened and began leading him through dance after dance in various styles that he wasn't even sure actually existed, no to mention how to do them.

It didn't matter, though. He was having the fun of his life. Nothing could spoil today, nothing.

At some point McGonagall came in to break up the party, only to be ignored and sprayed with colour-changing rainbow confetti that began dancing on her shoulders.

Flicking them off her robes, she went to get the Headmaster. When he came in and saw the party, he said with a Sonorous:

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Everyone froze and looked at him.

"Why is there an Umbridge-farewell party... and I wasn't invited!"

Fred and George came forward, carrying a great firework.

"Well make it up to you, Professor." one said.

"Here, do the honours."

Dumbledore smiled and fired up the end of the firework with a twinkle in his eyes. Then, he looked with unabashed, childish amusement as the firework went off in the middle of the Common Room, took the form of a giant dragon and rushed out of the portrait hole.

The party went after it.

McGonagall was left behind. She shook her head, dusted soot off her shoulder pads and went to sleep.

Having the Headmaster on their side for some reason, the party soon invaded the other Houses' Common Rooms and absorbed their members. The ones who didn't hide well enough, that is.

The crowd flooded the Great Hall where Dumbledore, along with Sprout and Flitwick, transfigured the tables into a dancefloor and conjured a humongous disco ball to levitate under the sky-ceiling, turning slowly.

Snape was nowhere to be seen, which didn't surprise Harry at all. After all, it was a good day.

He led Hermione by the hand onto the dancefloor and she took him on a spinning waltz lap around the Hall.

Mimicking her actions, he was glancing around for other pairs, so as not to crash with them. And good that he did, because otherwise he wouldn't have seen the firework flying straight into them.

He pulled Hermione to the ground and laughed as it exploded and rained sparks that burned holes in their already destroyed dresses.

He tried to get up but tripped on a torn hem of the dress. With vindictive satisfaction, he ripped it away, along with half the skirt's length.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"What, want me to do yours too?" he asked without missing a beat.

She shook her head at him in amusement, then inspected her dress and cut off the most damaged part of the skirt with a Diffindo.

"Here, let me fix yours." she said but he pulled her up and started twirling again.

In their waltz step, he plucked the wand out of her outstretched hand and held it in his teeth. Pretending it was a rose, he grinned and cocked a brow at her. She laughed.

Suddenly, a fleet of sky lanterns descended from the ceiling. Seeing Hermione reaching out for one of them, he slowed for her. She pushed it up and smiled at him sweetly.

He slowed almost to a stop.

Her eyes were sparkling like little stars reflected in the ocean at night. Her hair waved like the crown of a dark forest. Her lips entranced him, promising the softness of the sultan's velvet bed surrounded with roses.

His heart hiccuped as he realised he wanted to kiss her. He really did.

He reached up to cup her face and wiped soot from her face with his thumb.

And then, they fell into a jacuzzi.

There were startled yelps from the people inside and Harry emerged from the water, laughing. His breath hitched as Hermione did too, her hair now hugging her body in dark waves, helping cover what her dress didn't really.

She hugged him, laughing, her voice reverberating in his chest, and suddenly he realised he couldn't do it. Not now. It was the best day of his life, followed by an even better night, and he felt invincible. He believed he could do it. But deep inside, being honest with himself, he knew that would change things as they were and he wanted it to stay like this forever.

He simply didn't want this night to end.

Author's note: SURPRISE! It's an Author's Note at the end of the chapter!

This one is a bit shorter but I decided to leave the next bit out, purely because it would be a cliffhanger and I wanted to spare you this one time. Stay in this moment until the next chapter comes up. Let Harry be happy for once.

You might have noticed that I like the word juxtaposition. I'd like to assure you that it's not a coincidence that this chapter has it too. I'm not using a random generator of pairs of words beginning with the same letter. Though that might actually be fun, now that I think of it...

I'm very excited because I just caught up with the list of things I wanted to include that followed me for the last few chapters. I do have things planned for the future but I feel like I just closed a part of the story. I don't know how big a part, I cannot possibly predict how long it will take to have the big points out of the way, nor how many small points will pop up. Take three guesses what the big points were up until now.

The next chapter will be up in two weeks. Probably. Possibly. Maybe.

See you then!