Author's Note: since chapter 10 we're following the events of the same day and this was all supposed to be one chapter. Now I'll have to rethink the way I split the story into parts. Three cheers for Discovery Writing!

Disclaimer: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm still alive and probably still not cursed. The bad news is that I still don't own Harry Potter. ...or is it?

Harry is a She!

Chapter 12

Purposefully Perverse Pursuit

or

Chapter 10 part 3 out of 3

If possible, now Harry was feeling even worse. And going through his mental list of happy things, he had already tried all of them.

Except for the bath.

Yeah, he could use a bath just about now. Maybe he'd drown and be put out of his misery.

He didn't even pass by the dorm to get fresh clothes. Having gone straight towards the Prefects' bath, he stripped and jumped right into the bubbles.

Not his smartest decision, seeing as he could've fallen on his head, but fortunately, he survived this time.

Or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it.

Soon he was floating in the bath with his eyes closed, having Scourgified, rinsed and hung his clothes to dry.

He was at peace, relatively speaking. At least he wasn't about to wring anyone's neck anymore.

He tried to clear his mind, stop thinking about anything, which of course didn't work. He was trying to focus on the pitch-black underneath his eyelids and after a while images began to show up.

Legs.

Arms.

The things in between.

You know the sort.

His breath quickened and his downsides were calling for attention again.

And why shouldn't they? What had the idea been? Sex while flying underwater?

Wasn't floating basically flying in water anyway?

His hand started moving on its own as his mind run wild.

That's when the door opened.

"Oh my God, can't I get five minutes for my own?" he snapped. "And didn't I lock the bloody door?"

He was so mad he stood up in the bath, forgetting he was naked as the day he had been born.

(actually, not so much, since back then he didn't have tits dripping with water.)

"The way it looks, you've had more than five minutes." an amused Lavender said, looking down at his assets, which Harry covered abashedly. "And answering your second question, it kind of defeats the point to lock the door with a first-year spell that another first-year spell can undo, don't you think?" she asked, already pulling off her skirt.

"Wh- you can't barge into my bath!" he protested.

"Your bath?" she quirked a blonde brow, undoing her bowtie. "This is a Prefects' bathroom, you know?"

"And you're not a Prefect!"

"Oh, don't you know? Granger was so heartbroken that she resigned and Hooch chose me as her replacement."

Harry was so shocked he forgot to cover his assets.

"Seriously?"

"No." she said, dropping the last of her clothes and lowering herself into the bath. "Don't be silly, you're basically Hooch's favourite person. Or were, when you were still playing." she shrugged and leaned back her head on the pool's edge closing her eyes. "Still, I'm the last girl in our year who'd be made Prefect." he wasn't about to argue that. "With Hermione Perfect Granger and now Harry Freaking Potter in my dorm, oh and let's not forget Parvati has Padma help her with homework, so even she has better grades than me. Even Fay"

"Who?" Harry interrupted.

Lavender put her hand palm-up in a 'there you have it' gesture.

"See? You don't even know she exists and you've been sleeping in the same room for half a year. And she's getting more points just by being all meek and quiet."

"You mean losing less points?" he raised a brow at her, though she couldn't see.

"Shut up."

"You shut up. And get out while you're at it."

"You get out. I have just as much of a right to be here as you do," which was none. "and you've been here longer, so you already had your chance to enjoy the bath."

"I barely got in!"

"Me too. So either run away because you can't stand the presence of another girl in the same pool or deal with it."

Harry was about to argue that he shouldn't have to bear another girl's presence, but it would just confirm what she said, so he shut up.

Still, it wasn't all that far off from reality. Or rather, not off at all.

He closed his eyes. She was far enough that there was no chance of them touching. Her presence didn't even warm up the water.

But he could hear her breathing. He could feel the waves she was making on the water. He opened the tap and let the water run to solve both problems.

It wasn't enough.

Just remembering that she was there, a naked girl in the same body of water as he, was enough to rouse him.

"Oh, why do you love to torture me so!" he groaned.

"Not everything revolves around you, you know. Reality is not one of those silly 'Harry Potter' books."

"You came knowing I was here!"

She opened one eye to look at him dubiously.

"How could I have known? It's not your bath time yet."

He stared at the eye mutely, both shocked and relieved to have something to focus on.

"M-my bath time? How do you know when that is?"

She now opened both eyes and laughed at him.

"Dear, the entire Tower knows. You're the only one who takes their towels and a change of clothes and leaves the Tower with them every day."

He covered his face with his hands, mortified.

She laughed again, a short, melodic sound.

"See, you're the only one you can blame. Should've just learned to shower in the dorm, you've had five months to do so."

He glared at her.

"I might have been able to do so if someone hadn't decided to keep walking around naked all the bloody time." he drawled.

She smiled mischievously and propped up one leg above the water, caressing it.

"I don't know what you mean, Harri."

The 'i' made his hair stand up on his neck.

"Don't call me that." he said coldly.

"Call you what?" she asked innocently.

"You know what."

"What, Harri? That's your name, isn't it?"

"No, it's not!" he pumped the water with his fist and immediately regretted it when the splash hit his face. He settled down, feeling stupid. "My name is Harry."

She shrugged, soaping her arms.

"Harri, Harry, what's the difference? You probably can't even hear it."

His glare intensified.

"You know, Harry, you really should relax. You're Harri Potter, after all. The most popular kid in school or outside it." she continued washing her shoulders. "Most people would die just to shake Harry Potter's hand or have him write 'Harri Potter' on their faces." she grinned at him. "So, which version did I use?"

He glared so hard his eyes hurt from the exertion. He even stopped noticing her assets, so focused he was.

"I hate you."

She smiled crookedly.

"Relax. I'm just messing with you."

"Yeah, I've gathered that much. So I repeat the question: why do you love to torture me?"

Lavender's shook her head sadly.

"I don't have anything against you, you know. You've been a bit moody this last semester, but who can blame you? You've seen Cedric die, whatever the Ministry might say about it, you've had your gender officially changed, whether you were lying about it or not."

"I wasn't." he muttered angrily under his breath.

"I've seen you enough to know that the move was hard on you. You have been so awkward around us and still can't even look at my boobs comfortably like a girl would."

Harry didn't even try to deny that, continuing to glare at her face and not an inch lower.

He didn't know if his heart could stand it.

And, to be fair, other girls wouldn't be looking at her comfortably. More like: enviously.

"And I have to admit that I kind of like it about you. I just really wish you weren't trying to kill me with your sight."

He hadn't given an inch on his Basilisk imitation. Moreover, he decided it was time to go on the offence.

"If you don't hate me and know that I'm uncomfortable with n-nudity" he tried to pretend his voice hadn't just hitched on the word. "then why are you still walking naked around our dorm? I can see you, you know?"

Her grin melted and she took upon a faraway expression.

"I have always been doing it. I don't know, I just feel more comfortable that way and I like being comfortable in my own bedroom, you know? Then you came around and I decided to try treating you the same as the other girls."

His glare actually gave way to surprise, as he wasn't expecting her to answer so honestly nor to have given it that much thought.

He was going to be even more surprised.

"Then it turned out you're really not used to girls. Like, not at all. That's the one thing that makes your story of losing your manhood to a plot, a Dark ritual and the whole 'You-Know-Who's resurrection thing' believable." she actually stopped washing herself and met his eyes directly. "I've thought of changing my habits for your benefit, I'm not a stone-hearted bitch like people seem to think I am. But then you'd never get used to it and you'd struggle with it forever. Because, let's face it, you can't have a private bathroom everywhere, forever."

Now that he thought about it, it was strange that nobody before Lavender had ever joined him. And he realised with horror that this wasn't the female Prefects' bathroom. It was the Prefects' bathroom.

The thought got cut off again by Lavender.

"And then there was the added benefit that I could get you interested in me that way. Of course, that was before I realised that you only had eyes for Perfect Prefect Granger."

He gaped at her. All thought of performing an Heir-of-Slytherin on her, gone.

She had been trying to... what... pick him up?

Him?

Wait, there was another thing...

"Wh-when exactly did you realise that?"

"Oh, on Halloween, of course. Everyone could see it clear as day. You two made the loveliest girl couple." she cooed involuntarily. "I so wanted to be in her shoes. She had such lovely shoes!" she seemed to lose herself in memories for a while, before shaking herself. "After that, I tried to give you some peace for a time. Then I decided I really should stop caring about you either way, so I started going nude again." she shrugged, not noticing the look of mute shock on his face.

Meanwhile, his mind was going a hundred miles an hour. In circles.

Lavender liked him? That way? Why on Earth...!

Why on Earth not? - his brain countered.

Because he was an asocial asshole who didn't even know all the names of his roommates, had terrible hygiene (in girl standards) and run away every time she entered the room?

Okay, fair point.

Why on Earth would she like him?

Finally noticing his goldfish imitation, Lavender giggled.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not one of your fan-girls. You know I'm not. I just thought I could use the opportunity and got caught up in my own scheming."

Harry closed his mouth with a pop.

"Op-portunity?"

She looked at him quizzically.

"Oh, right, I forgot who I'm talking to. You're so innocent and unaware." she gave him a sweet smile like to a child or a cute kitten. "Just imagine this: you're a guy, but people mistake you for a girl and make you bunk in a girls' dorm. Sounds familiar?"

He glared at her.

"Yeah, and it's awful."

Her sweet smile didn't waver.

"And what would a bold guy in this situation do?"

"Beat up the people who mistook him for a girl." he answered without hesitation.

She rolled her eyes.

"And what would a horny, bold guy do?"

"Err, get beaten up for being a pervert?"

That stopped her cold. As cold as the water in the bath was slowly becoming.

Not for the first time, her image of Harry Potter was shattered. She probably should've expected something like this but she'd never pictured him being afraid. Ashamed, yes, disgusted, maybe, but not afraid.

"You think I'd hit you if you made a move on me?" she asked, her eyes growing wide.

His weren't that far off.

"Wouldn't you?"

She shook her head mutely.

He stared at her in silence for several moments, the only sound in the bathroom the pops of the weakening bubbles.

He really wanted to test that.

He really shouldn't.

But why? - his Harry-brain asked. It was super-effective.

It wouldn't be right. .

But why? - it asked again.

He had trouble thinking of a single reason, as though that one question disarmed him completely.

She wanted it. He wanted it. It was just a bit of harmless fun, so why the hell not?

She wasn't Hermione.

She didn't need to be.

And in his heart, the cinders of the flame from before were heating up, scorching him from inside.

And looking at her, her flustered face, her bare arms, the top of her bosom sticking out over the water, he didn't see anyone else.

So he let the fire roar.

Then, he moved closer and her image of Harry Potter was shattered once more.

Needless to say, the water soon wasn't so cold anymore.

If you asked Lavender about that evening, she'd call it the most mind-shattering shag she'd ever had. Then she'd quote that one moment after he pulled back his head from underneath the water and she could finally catch a breath.

"Wh-where did you learn that?" she gasped.

"A book." he rasped and bent back down.

If you asked Harry about that evening, he would have grown beet-red and told you do shut up.

She flew. As always.

Right now she was trying to outfly a flock of spear-wielding flamingoes. Actually, they didn't wield the spears, they were the spears. With hard-wood poles tied to their backs and legs, and deadly-sharp steel beaks. And a tiny sparrow sitting on the head of the first flamingo, waving a tiny sabre in its claws and squeaking obscenities.

How did she end up in this situation?

You don't want to know.

It involved a certain seabird that couldn't seem to hold its stupid beak shut.

She had been trying to lose the idiot for weeks, but somehow he kept on finding her. And then he kept on finding new ways to get her in trouble. What was it this time? Probably started a war or something.

And he dared call himself her friend. As if. She hadn't even deigned to remember his name because it would sully her noble brain. Couldn't he take a hint?

Oh, dealing with idiots made her miss her human. At least he was her idiot. He was probably getting up to some unimportant antics at the moment, calling it trouble and bemoaning his fate.

That almost made her smile. Almost. (she was an owl. She was physically incapable of smiling)

When Harry stumbled out of the bathroom, he was still flushed crimson and had a decidedly stupid grin on his face.

He didn't even mind. Who knew that underwater flying sex had been the answer all along?

An equally flushed Lavender exited right after him, squirming under his gaze. It was probably because he still didn't have his glasses and needed to come very close to see her properly.

"You have such pretty eyes." she said, probably to distract him from noticing her blush.

"No shit." he grinned wickedly. "Too bad they're only good for being looked at and not for actually looking at things."

She giggled.

"Where are your glasses, anyway?"

"Oh, they're toast. Hermione stomped them so bad that the glass pretty much turned to sand."

"Oh, I see." and perhaps she really did, for she didn't ask for any explanation. "Reparo doesn't work on them anymore?"

That stumped him.

"I... haven't actually tried?" he said lamely. "I was too angry to think and..."

"I know." she cut him off. "Let me try."

He emptied his pockets on the floor and she Summoned the shards away from the soggy mess that was candy wraps, broken quills and scraps of parchment. He quickly Vanished the rest to save his face.

"Reparo." she intoned and the glass dust reassembled itself inside the frames, which straightened with a series of pops where broken metal mended itself.

She passed the fixed glasses to him.

"Thanks." he accepted then from him. "So, what now?"

In place of an answer, a panicked Parvati run in from a side corridor and started talking at Lavender really fast.

"There you are! I was looking for you all over! Are you alright? Didn't you get burned?" her frantic gaze fell on Harry. Then on Lavender. On Harry. On Lavender again. "Did you, I mean..."

Lavender grinned shamelessly.

"Yeah, I've caught him." at Parvati's panicked look she added: "Don't worry, he knows."

"You've told him?!"

Harry cleared his throat.

"She certainly said a lot but you seemed to be looking for her for something more than sex-talk." he quirked a brow.

"Oh! Right!" she looks between Lavender and Harry again, seemingly unable to gather her thoughts. "But you to look unhurt, so there's no need to panic. I'll take you to McGonagall now."

That took Harry aback.

"Why would we be hurt?" sex wasn't that dangerous, was it? "And why do we need to see McGonagall?" she hadn't sussed it out so quickly, had she?

Lavender must've caught onto his train of thought because she put a hand on his arm and said:

"Relax. I've done it enough to know there are no charms to find us out. This must be about something else, a simple coincidence."

Parvati, once again, was looking between them. Damn, that girl would strain a neck muscle or something.

"You two don't know?"

"Know what?" they asked in unison, then looked at each other and smiled with satisfaction and a blush, respectively.

"There was a fire in the Tower. All our things got burned down."

Still shell-shocked from all that's happened this day, ever since the talk with Hermione in the morning, Harry stared at his former Head of House, his current Head of House and the ancient Inquisitor Marchbanks arguing in the Common Room.

Fortunately, Snape hadn't been let into the still-smoking Lions' Den, because he might actually smile at the destruction.

Some words were being said, most of them flying over his head but he caught snippets like 'outrage', 'disgrace', 'never before' and 'punished'.

He shuddered at the last bit and decided to pay better attention.

Flitwick came down the staircase to the girls' dorms and confirmed that:

"All the rooms fourth year up are completely destroyed. I've checked that..."

Suddenly, a thought struck Harry. Why didn't the stairs turn into a slide? Was Flitwick not a man? Well, the beard would indicate otherwise, but what if...

Oh, God. What if Flitwick wasn't a human? Maybe he was a dwarf? Didn't dwarven females have beards, too?

And why was he thinking about it?

Oh, yeah. It was to avoid thinking about the consequences of his actions. Good. Anything to help avoid that was good.

He could use a bit of Lavender just about now. She made him stop thinking alright.

He inched closer to her and nudged her hand with his, which she took without looking down and smiled.

Hopefully, no one noticed.

"But Professor, didn't the dorms have fire-suppressing wards since the year 1723?" Hermione raised her hand, probably quoting her favourite book again, causing his heart to sink a little. "The fire shouldn't be able to travel between floors."

"Indeed, Miss Granger." the purported she-dwarf said. "It would take very powerful, dark magic to overcome the wards. Either that, or someone purposefully set fire to each floor separately, but..."

"What is it, boy, speak up!" Madame Marchbanks snapped impatiently.

"The wards are not there."

He stifled a groan. Great, now he was a Dark Wizard again! And this time he couldn't even say it wasn't him!

He tried to focus back on the scene before him and noticed that Hermione was frowning at him. What was that about? It had been she who dumped him!

Suddenly he realised that he was still holding Lavender's hand and understood what it was about.

How dare she feel betrayed?

He felt Lavender loosen her grip and turned to see her glancing between him and Hermione. He squeezed her hand and held on. He wouldn't allow this to slip away from him. Not because of Hermione. Not again.

McGonagall's voice drew him out of his thoughts.

"I don't know who did it, I don't know how or why. I don't particularly care." she levelled her stormy gaze on each of her former Lions, one by one. Harry stilled as she stopped at him. "I know it had to be done by, or with the cooperation of, one of the students present. Nobody else had access to the Gryffindor Tower and I've already interrogated the teachers. If any of you were involved," she was still staring at Harry. "it's better for you to confess now. If we find you out on our own, we will be... not pleased."

It was an hour later that Harry found himself staring at the ceiling of a yellow and black four-poster bed, feeling the slight weight and significant heat of a certain blonde lying on him.

Hint: it wasn't Luna.

How did he end up in this situation? Do you even have to ask?

It involved a certain hot-headed student who apparently couldn't keep his spells in check.

Of course, he didn't admit to it.

One, he hadn't done it on purpose.

Two, they would've expelled him.

Three, he didn't want to be expelled.

Four, he didn't think they'd care about him not having done it on purpose.

Five, he really didn't want to be expelled.

Basically, his little temper tantrum cost Gryffindor House all the furniture and belongings in the female dorms fourth year up. How could he not get expelled for that?

Only if they didn't catch him.

So, the girls and Harry had to be moved somewhere for the night and until the dorms could be repaired. Again.

Seriously, Harry was on track to the record for causing the most material destruction in a single year in the castle's history. Not that anyone kept track of such things. He didn't think so, at least.

Anyway, bunking in the Hufflepuff dorms wasn't so bad. The Puffs, who were a most hospitable sort, threw a non-destructive welcoming party and let them choose the beds, which resulted in Harry sharing with his newly-found research partner. And he was going to take full advantage of it.

A lewd smile crept onto his face.

After all, there was a lot of research still left to do.