One time I almost drowned. It wasn't dramatic or anything—I had just gotten overtaken by a wave and lost my footing. The sand suddenly turned into a slippery, uneven floor and my stick-thin eight-year-old frame was no match for the crushing weight of a crashing wave. I don't know how long I was under the water for, but it was enough to fill my throat with salt water. I distinctly remember the burn of it as it went down my throat and the light of the surface as I felt myself being pushed down and down. And then, the weight was clear and the water was slithering up and spilling out of my throat like a saltwater snake. I remember drowning, but I don't remember who saved me.
They hurried back through the hotel lobby barefoot and dripping wet from the ocean. Maya couldn't stop laughing as she held onto his hand. Back in the room, he pulled her to him again and their lips collided. His hands cradled her face as her lips parted, letting him in.
Her hands were tangled up in his hair and his hands were roaming around her body. Her hands slid down to unbutton his shirt and she pulled away gently to say, "I want to show you something."
"Oh yeah?" He said, his hands grabbing around her ass and causing her tight dress to hike up.
"Yeah, unzip me," she said breathlessly and she saw mischief light up in his eyes. He made quick work of the dress and helped pull it off of her body quickly. Underneath, Maya was wearing a black lace corset that latched at the front with gold slip hooks. It was paired with black thong with delicate rose patterns on it. The bust of the corset dipped in the center of her chest and ended in points at the top of either breast. Maya watched his face carefully as his eyes took her in.
"Holy shit," he breathed.
"Do you like it? I know you like looking at...stuff I wear, so I thought I'd surprise you." She said, putting a hand on her hip and cocking it to one side and hoping to look alluring.
"Do I like it?" Paul said his eyes now looking at her. The fire was back but now Maya was more drawn to it than ever. His hands pulled down her body, "You look fucking incredible, My." He said. She let out a soft giggle and he dipped his head to kiss along her neck, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up before throwing her back playfully on the bed. He stood up to marvel at her as she lay spread out across it as if his eyes couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Come here," she said softly. He leaned down over her, one leg in between both of hers as he dipped his head down to kiss softly across her face, his hand cupping around the side of her neck as he made his way across her lips. As he traveled down her neck to her chest, he let his lips gently graze over the mounds of her breasts, causing her breath to quicken. He could hear her heart pounding. He looked up at her as his face hovered over her chest now, his fingers clasped to one side of her hip.
"May I?" he said, his voice gruff. Maya sucked in a sharp breath and looking down at him she said,
"It's for you, do what you'd like to it," she said. He gave her a wicked smile and he brought both hands to her corset now. His fingers pulled the corset in to unlatch the first hook. Maya let out a little noise as it gently squeezed her ribcage. As he unlatched each one, Maya's nerves increased. She'd never been with someone like this and her sudden understanding of her lack of experience sent a shock wave through her. Once he unlatched the final hook and peeled back the corset, he let out a sigh that sounded almost like a moan. He gave her one quick glance and then he was over her again, taking her right nipple in his mouth and causing Maya to lean her head back and gasp at the sensation shooting through her. His hand wound it's way down her side and slipped under the thin lace of her underwear, spreading her and rubbing against her folds. Maya couldn't help the loud gasp of pleasure that escaped her lips as he touched her there, both firm enough to pull at her nerve endings, but soft enough that beckoned more moans from her.
"Paul!" she gasped, grabbing around the back of his head that sucked and teased each of her breasts. "Wait!" she said, spiraling. He lifted his head immediately, his fingers stopping their deft work between her thighs as he looked up at her, the pleasure still sizzling behind his eyes. "Wait." she said in between labored breaths.
"You okay? Am I hurting you?" he said quickly. His hands were resting on either side of her now and Maya felt her quick heat from his fingertips cool from his lack of touch.
"I'm okay. I just…" Maya bit her lip and Paul searched her eyes quickly before leaning down to plant two soft kisses on either cheek. "I'm just...not ready to have…" She stalled. Why was this so hard? You have your soulmate in bed with you on a magical beachfront vacation and he's so into you but you can't close the deal?!
"You're not ready to have sex?" he said gently, his eyes softening. Maya nodded quickly and darted her eyes to the side.
"Is...is that okay?" she said uncertainty. Paul let out a soft laugh and said quickly,
"Of course, My. We don't have to do everything at once. We can take it slow." Her eyes flooded with relief and she brought a hand to the side of his face. He leaned into it. "Can I….Would you mind though if I…" Now he was stalling.
"What?" Maya said softly.
"Could I still…?" He looked down toward her lower half. Maya swelled with want instantly.
"Yes!" she breathed out in a heady sigh. He grinned and quickly shimmied down to the edge of the bed. Maya leaned up on her elbows to watch him as he gently pulled her lace underwear down her thighs, kissing gently as it went and then…
"Oh fuck!" she threw her head back and let out a loud moan as Paul dipped his head between her thighs. His hot mouth around her felt like nothing she'd ever known. He sucked and pulled gently at her with his tongue while his thumb worked at the tip of her fold. Her hand found its way into his hair and she closed her eyes as the feeling of his tongue entering her sent white hot pops of light shooting behind her lids. He worked there pulling shuddering breaths and shakes from her until she reached her end.
He laid next to her as she collected herself, running a light finger down the center of her and circling idly around each breast. When she caught her breath, she turned her head to look at him, the moonlight filtering in over both of their bodies.
"Can we do that all the time?" she laughed. He grinned and leaned in to kiss her softly, letting his hands have free range of her body now. Paul took his time letting his hands touch every part of her and even when they fell asleep, his hand still lazily traversed the length of her back.
The next few days passed in seemingly unending bliss for Maya and Paul. They were lost in each other in that starry-eyed realization of first love without the weight of admitting it. New love in a new city was all Maya's heart needed right now.
Paul had a couple more meetings but as soon as he was done, he would scoop Maya up in a flurry of kisses and take her to bed where they'd spend a good amount of time undressing one another and testing their self control. It always ended with Maya shuddering and spasming as Paul dipped his head between her thighs or kissed on her neck with his hand stroking her with hot purpose.
On their last night there, Maya stood under the hot water of the shower as Paul washed his face in front of her.
"What's the game plan?" She said looking at him as he rinsed the soap from his face. She loved the way Paul looked, but more than that she absolutely adored it when he was soaking wet, giving off a devil may care vibe.
"We need a game plan?" he said, reaching around her for the soap and loofah. Once lathered he started running it across her body carefully. "Soapy boobies" he mumbled. Maya laughed.
"How old are you again?" she teased.
"Ahhh, I'll be 29 in July," he replied seriously. "What do you mean 'game plan'? What do you think's going to happen?"
"I mean.." Maya hesitated letting her hands run up and down on his chest for a second. "What do we tell people?"
"Uhh, I was just going to tell people that we're dating. That you're my girlfriend. That we're together. That I'm quote-unquote hittin' that—" she cut him off.
"Okay, I get it." There was a beat of silence between them. "Please don't say 'hittin that'." He let out a laugh at this.
"You don't want to tell people? Or...you don't want to be together?" he said gently.
"No! Of course I want to be with you. I just…"
"What, My?" He said a little perturbed.
"Don't get mad but...isn't that what they want?" She looked up at him with a strange look on her face. Paul's face fell in almost disappointment.
"Are you serious?" he scoffed. "Jesus, My. I'm only going to say this once because I think you need to hear it but...you really need to stop caring so much about what other people want. Especially when it comes to us."
Maya bit her lip and flushed red. "I just.."
"No, My. The council does not dictate this relationship. The imprint does not dictate this relationship. We do. You and me. Did we come on this trip thinking we were going to come back together this way?"
"No." Maya said, her voice annoyed.
"No we didn't. So why do you care if the council or anyone gets what they want if we end up together?" He was definitely annoyed and she wanted to tell herself to shut. But she felt like she was betraying some part of her by doing it this way. Maya couldn't stand if they looked at her as if they knew all along that this would happen and she was just being silly before.
"You're right." Maya said. Paul sighed with relief and brought the loofah to his body now. "But—" Maya started but she was cut off by a hand coming up to her mouth, covering it. She looked up at Paul wide eyed.
"Don't." he warned. "Just stop, My. Let's just enjoy this a little bit more before we spiral into 'buts' and 'what abouts'. We're together. I'm going to tell everyone that we're together. I can't not tell them. Understood?" he said seriously. She nodded and he gently lowered his hand.
"But!" she shouted before bursting into laughter as he almost growled at her. He lowered his head to kiss her neck and bit gently down along her shoulder. She tilted her head toward him in glee.
"You are infuriating, you know that?" he said in her ear. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck, all forgiven. He leaned his face down to meet hers, clapping a hand to her ass that made an overexaggerated smacking sound with the water, as she giggled between his lips.
As soon as they landed at the regional airport in Forks from their connecting Seattle flight, Maya felt a weight sink in her stomach. As she held Paul's hand while he drove them back to La Push, Maya tried to remind herself that it didn't matter what the council thought. No one was going to tell her "I told you so." And if they did, so what?
But something else weighed on Maya. It was a creeping feeling that if she thought about it for too long, would overwhelm her. It kind of felt like that impending sense of doom you would get after a particularly sharp instance of deja vu. Everything and nothing about this moment was familiar for Maya, but she couldn't shake the dread that settled in her belly like a coiled snake.
When they pulled up to her driveway, Paul raised the back of her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. She tilted her head and gave him a soft smile.
"Thank you so so much for this week, it was...incredible," she breathed. He smiled back at her and nodded his head.
"Thank you for coming with me and trusting me." She leaned forward and kissed him, the feeling ebbing the anxiety growing in her belly. "I'll see you on Sunday?" he confirmed when they had parted.
"Yeah," she said simply, biting her lower lip before climbing out of the car and throwing her overnight bag over her shoulder. Before she entered the house she turned and gave him a wave. He smiled back warmly and rubbed his hand across his chin, appreciating her from afar.
When Maya closed the door behind her, she dropped her overnight bag with a thunk by the coat rack. She kicked off her shoes and walked down the hallway, running hand through her hair and blowing air loudly out of her mouth.
"Mom?" she called as she entered an empty kitchen. Weird. Maybe they went out. She opened the fridge and grabbed a seltzer. As she popped the top and took a drink, she walked over to the kitchen table where her mom usually left the mail.
Maya stopped, her eyes stalled on two thick envelopes addressed to her on the table. She set her drink down slowly next to it and ran her hands across them.
Columbia and Princeton.
She got in.
The rest of the night Maya spent celebrating with her parents who unsurprisingly popped out from behind the couch in the living room when she started shouting in excitement that she got in.
But tucked up in her room now, under the covers and staring at a picture of her and Paul in Santa Monica, the dread washed over her again. She had gotten what she wanted. The colleges of her dreams wanted her. And Paul wanted her. Being with him was something she didn't even realize she had desperately wanted until she had it. Her feet had felt firmly beneath her when she was in Santa Monica and now...everything was up in the air, floating above her, just out of reach. Maya felt if she went after one thing, she'd lose the other—and that paralyzed her.
When she finally fell asleep that night, the wolf was back. She hadn't dreamed about him in so long, but now as she made her way onto the cliffside where the wolf waited, she had the distinct feeling of someone, or something, watching her just inside the treeline.
A low hissing sounded in her ear and the wolf pushed its ears back, letting out a low snarl. Where her arm had been cut open pulsed in new pain now and Maya looked down at it. Blood was dripping from it just as it was the night she was attacked. The wolf approached her, it's eyes focused behind her, in a low stalk. Maya felt like she was going to pass out but before she could, the hiss evaporated behind her and a much more worrying sound echoed in the treeline. She turned warily, and amongst the dark rustling leaves of the trees mingled glowing yellow eyes that all stared at her. Their mouths hung open, tongues lolling dangerously to one side as white foam dripped from their toothy wolf grins. Moonlight glinted across their sharp teeth as they stalked forward toward her. Suddenly, Maya realized what was wrong.
She had become the enemy.
The wolves readied themselves to pounce on her to tear her to shreds and just as the first one lunged for her, mouth open and sinking its teeth into her throat, she shot up in bed, covered in cold sweat.
She looked down at her arm, the pink scar barely visible now as she breathed a sigh of relief. To distract herself from the nightmare, Maya turned to the comforting light on her phone and opened her messages. One was already waiting for her from Paul. She checked the time stamp and realized it had come in at nearly 2 a.m that morning.
P: I miss you already. Call me if you need me tomorrow.
She smiled and her heart ached at the thought of him typing this out in his bed, his laptop undoubtedly open in front of him as he worked into the night. Maya laid her head back down on her damp pillow and fell asleep under the glow of his message.