Note: You guys good? Because, politely, I need to ask some of you to chill.
There's no time like the present, or so they say. But often, when you're present, you realize nothing specific about your situation—the good and the bad look the same. It's only when you get some distance from them that you realize them for what they are: good, bad, necessary. So really, the saying should be 'There's no time like the future, because in the future the truth of it all will set you free.' But even in the future, I'll still be stuck painfully in the present.
Maya felt lost. She wandered the hallways of her high school absently on Monday morning and when the bell rang for first period, she was all the way on the other end of the school from her class.
Paul was an actual wolf. This fact had wracked Maya's nerves for all of Sunday after she nearly sprinted home and locked herself in her room.
From then on, everything felt thrown into doubt: if the wolf warriors were actual wolves, what else about their legends were true? Her world had turned a different hue and in it, Paul was something she only vaguely recognized. The pulse of the imprint was quiet right now, having been quelled by her immense shock and fear at having Paul's giant wolf form tower over and snap at her in his anger.
But what had struck Maya as exceptionally odd was that although in that moment she felt pure fear and albeit horror at his transformation, she distinctly did not feel like she was in danger. This worried Maya—was she completely naive and the dangers of the world would be out there waiting for her once she left the safety cloak of the reservation? Her mind shot back to that night in the alley. The cold man with red eyes. She knew him for what he was now—a cold one. Her heart pounded in her chest, now fully understanding the danger she had been in. And Jeremy….he had saved her without hesitation.
During her passing period, she looked for him now, but he was nowhere to be seen. Should she be worried by that too?
Maya didn't have a lot of time or energy to put toward her worry though—finals were upon her and she had a decision to make: which university should she choose? Never in her wildest dreams did Maya think she would have gotten into both of her dream schools and now that the options were before her, she stood frozen, uncertain of what to do.
"Maya!" Keye said to her for the third time at lunch, "Earth to My!" Maya pulled her eyes up and looked bleary-eyed at Keye and Becks. She had been so lost in thought that from second period until lunch, she'd been in a haze, floating from one class to the next.
"Sorry," she mumbled looking down at her food that she definitely didn't have an appetite for.
"You okay?" Keye said, stabbing her fork into her mixed green salad. Becks looked on, worried.
"Where's Jeremy, Becks?" Maya said, distracted from Keye's original question. Becks opened her mouth as if to say something and then closed it. "Becks?" Maya prompted. Becks looked to Keye for a second who only shrugged.
"He's...out of town," Becks said diplomatically. Maya looked slowly from Keye to Becks and back again.
"Is that like...code for something?" Maya's voice was monotone. She had no energy for inflection and simply having this conversation drained what little energy she had left.
"Ah, no." Becks said cryptically. Maya fitted her with a stare. "He's literally out of town."
"Okay," Maya said slowly, looking back down at her plate. Keye started to chatter about school stuff, either oblivious to Maya's complete disinterest in the world around her or she was just still mad about the other day.
By the middle of the week, Maya had tried to shake as much of the impending dread as she could to focus. She sat cross-legged on her bed bent over her physics book when her phone buzzed beside her. Her breath caught in her throat. Could it be him? Maya didn't know what to hope for.
Keye: Are you home?
Maya: Yeah, upstairs. Why?
K: Okay, I'm coming over.
Maya knew it was no use fighting her. About ten minutes later, she heard the distinct footsteps of Keye climbing the stairs as she called after Rish about something. When she opened the door, her hands were ladened down with text books and papers and she set them down as soon as she could.
"Wooh! What the fuck!" Keye always found a way to curse, even if the occasion didn't call for it. Maya looked at her skeptically and turned back to look at her textbook.
"What are you doing here?" she said, disinterested already.
"I came to study and to ask you why the FUCK YOU DIDN'T TELL ME PAUL PHASED IN FRONT OF YOU AND NOW YOU ACTUALLY KNOW." Keye yelled.
"Jesus! Close the fucking door!" Maya said in a hurried whisper jumping up and moving around Keye to close it. "And yes, he didn't fucking do that. I haven't been able to...to talk to him since."
"Why?" Keye said confused. "He's a giant fucking wolf so what?"
"So what?! Keye, he lied to me. I was leading him into telling me and he just...denied it. Or...didn't come out with it. And then when I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, he freaked out and exploded out of his fucking clothes," Maya held a hand to her forehead recounting the memory.
"You told him you didn't want to be with him anymore?!" Keye said, "Well that makes sense why he took off then," she muttered under her breath.
"Took off? What are you talking about?" Maya's eyes were wide. He was gone? Why hadn't she felt that? Shouldn't the imprint make her feel that absence like all the times he went to Seattle? She put a hand over her stomach and wondered if she somehow broke the imprint. Was that even possible?
"Yeah, when Becks said Jeremy was 'out of town', that's what she meant." Keye said simply. Maya was breathing in quick now, her hand still over her stomach. "My?"
"I...I didn't know," she said, to which Keye looked confused. But Maya was worried about the imprint and why she couldn't feel that familiar tug anymore. And more than anything else in that moment, she wanted to feel it to know that he was still there.
"He'll come back, My," Keye said softly.
The night of the bonfire, Maya felt deflated. It had been almost one whole week of nothing from Paul and she still hadn't felt the imprint pull at her. Like an expectant mother waiting for her baby to kick as a sign of life, Maya would lay awake in bed and try to beckon that familiar feeling forward. But still...nothing. She felt broken.
Since the weather had started to warm up, Rish wanted Maya to wear one of her sundresses for the announcement. In true obliging fashion, Maya donned her dark blue, floor length sundress that was dotted with tiny multi-colored flowers of white, yellow, blue, and green. The dress had two slits on either side that came up to mid-thigh.
She tied her hair half up and braided the half ponytail. Dabbing on some clear lip gloss Maya looked at herself in the mirror. Dark circles pulled down at her eyes and she looked paler. Her whole body felt limp. If she had broken the imprint somehow, this must have been the price of it.
The bonfire gathering was imbibed with an air of celebration. People milled about, cheerfully chatting and hugging one another. When Maya showed up, many of her neighbors and community members came over to congratulate her and pull her into back slapping hugs. She perked up a little bit at the atmosphere and even relaxed a little when she realized that no one from Sam's pack was at the bonfire. She didn't know what she'd do if Paul showed up. Run? Scream? Dash into his arms to shake this deadened feeling in her?
Just before the announcements were to begin, Chief Black called Maya over to him. Her heart sank as she walked over, her hands curled into fists at her side as she tried to keep her face serene. But she knew what was coming.
"Chief Black, good to see you," she said, but her tone was all off. Maya didn't even recognize the sound of the voice coming from her. Chief Black fitted her with a serious stare and then, his face broke into a calming smile.
"What's bothering you, Maya?" he said just as calmly. Maya almost felt unnerved but she looked away from him and then back before shrugging nonchalantly.
"It's big news, I'm just trying to process it," she replied in the stranger's voice.
"You'd be wise to give the news a chance to sink in and accept it as part of your past, present, and future. Make it easier on everyone," he said quietly. Maya got the feeling they weren't talking about colleges anymore. Her face was set in a hard line.
"Wasn't it you who told me the imprint defines the relationship?" she crossed her arms now. "That wasn't entirely true was it?" Who was this person talking back to her chief without a care in the world?
"It was true in the moment that you needed to hear it." He said firmly, "And what's more, if you had worked to understand the imprint and the connection you share with him these past five months, you'd know that life apart is no life at all. But I can see you're already feeling the effects of that," he nodded to her figure. Maya was upset now, and tears brimmed at her eyes angrily as she tried to push them back down.
"You don't know anything about my connection to him."
"The one thing I did tell you that remains true is that there must be a relationship of some kind. Going against that will not bode well for you. I suggest you make the necessary decisions that lead you back in the right direction or we will do it for you." He replied ominously.
"What is that supposed to mean?" her voice shook. They couldn't make her do anything, she knew that, but Maya also didn't want to find out what Chief Black was capable of, even if he was bluffing.
"Tonight is a night for celebration. Let's be sure to let this energy go before coming into the circle." He chided before he walked off.
"What the fuck was that about?" Keye and Becks had been watching from the other side of the clearing and walked toward Maya now who was almost shaking with anger.
"He's trying to scare me," Maya said. Her shaking voice may have indicated that she was scared, but instead, she was filled with seething anger. And worse yet was that it had nowhere to go.
As they were called toward the bonfire, Becks and Keye flanked her, worried gazes on her back as they sat down in the circle. After the updates, Chief Black turned his attention toward Maya, the firelight flickering across her drawn face.
"And finally, we'd like to end these announcements with congratulations to Maya Sunriviere. Our Ivy league hopeful has got into not only Princeton but Columbia University as well. We are so proud of her and hope she understands that she carries the tribe with her into this new adventure. We are always with you." He leveled her with a deep stare and Maya's lips parted suddenly. The entire tribe broke into applause and hoots, Becks rubbed her back and leaned into her.
After the close of the announcements, Maya stood up and dusted herself off when Keye grabbed her hand. Maya looked at her suddenly and said, "What?" in a small, confused voice. Keye nodded in front of her, and across the fire stood Paul Lahote.
The deadened feeling that had settled in her where the imprint once lived roared to glorious life again and she almost gasped at the feeling rocketing through her. Paul's face was set in stone, his eyes filled with want, anger, and need to be near her. But his fists stayed clenched down at his sides and the tall figure of Sam appeared next to him leaning down and saying something in his ear.
This seemed to shift his gaze around and he moved back from the fire. Maya took an automatic step toward him, revelling in the thrilling, fizzing feeling of the imprint alive in her again. But then, Jeremy was next to her, his hand on her arm and his face looking very serious.
"Paul." she whispered, her eyes filling with tears now. But he had already disappeared and Maya couldn't bring herself to go after him.
Paul POV
"I define the imprint relationship. Not you!" Maya had yelled at him. Paul was having a hard time seeing straight and the rush of the ocean was growing in his ears. The shaking inside of him was rising up his spine and burning at his hands. His vision was starting to blur and all he wanted to do was let go.
But Maya...Maya was everything. The giant exhale he had been holding in his body for years had finally been released when she came into the picture, but now he was under water and he didn't think he'd be able to take another full breath again. Not with her gone.
Her face was anchored in anger and Paul knew that she'd figured him out. Jeremy or Becks had told her, he was sure of it. He was going to tell her. He thought he was going to tell her, but every time Paul had opened his mouth to tell the truth, he watched her disappear before his eyes.
But now, as he stumbled into the backyard away from her, Paul knew that he had she was lost to him again. And with that understanding, he phased, letting the rage that bubbled just under the surface out. This rage felt different than the kind he was familiar with growing up. This was something closer to grief and pulled him in a thousand different directions.
Maya looked at him in fear now, her back pressed against the house and all Paul wanted to do was go back in time to just a few hours ago when he had held her petite body in his hands and pulled sounds from her that made him ache for more.
But she was looking at him now like what he always suspected he might be: a monster. Paul did the only thing he could do since he was incapable of moving closer to her—he bolted down the beach and into the forest where he could get well and truly lost.
What the fuck!
Well, not for long.
You told her?! Jared's voice was echoing in his head now as Paul played on replay the altercation between him and Maya to fuel his feet to run faster, farther, away from this.
I thought that's what you were going to do anyway? Embry said confused.
Not like that. He seethed. Paul replayed Maya telling him it was over, the break forming a larger crack through himself that he could slip farther into.
Oh fuck. Collin said, despair in his voice. She dumped you?
At least you dodged the bullet of fucking a high schooler. Jared said.
Yeah you'd never live that one down. Embry tried to placate.
Still gave head to a high schooler though. Quil butted in now and the rage that coursed through Paul ebbed a little at the presence of his brothers.
She'll come back. Leah pulled up next to him now and they ran in unison. But if you need to take off for a while—clear your head—I'll cover for you.
Paul had a moment of temporary peace and then he pushed himself harder, pointing himself north and hightailing it off the reservation as fast as he could. Behind him, he heard a volley of wolf howls and something inside him broke.
"She's quiet. Becks says she's not talking much and doesn't want to be around anyone. Keeping her head in the books."
Paul listened as Jeremy filled him in. It had only been a few days, but he couldn't help calling Jeremy to ask about Maya. Every moment of his day was filled with her face and the final words that left her lips to him. He allowed the pain of it to settle deep in him but it was no match for his desire to return to her, grab her and tell he was sorry.
"Paul?" Jeremy asked as the silence rang clean on his end.
"Yeah, sorry," he said, his voice gravelly. "Just...keep me updated."
"There's a bonfire this Friday. She'll be there. The council is announcing and formally congratulating her on getting into Columbia and Princeton. Just...a heads up."
"Thanks, Jeremy." Paul said as he quickly ended the call.
Paul sat in silence for a moment staring out the window. He was in his workshop in Seattle. Originally, the plan had been to run as far north as he could, across the border, homefree. But the second he got outside the reservation, the pain was back. It was more pronounced this time and Paul worried he'd snap in two if he went much further. So he limped his way into Seattle and settled in his workshop to camp out.
The pain of the separation was worse than it was when he would take his regular trips to Seattle. It radiated through him, causing him to stop suddenly and catch his breath. Sometimes the pain could even bring him to his knees and he'd have to fight the urge to spring back to La Push where his mind and body called him to.
This imprint was no joke.
Now, Paul sat on his work stool, cradling his phone and staring ahead, waiting for the pain to die down in his hands so he could dial someone else.
"Hey. You alright?" Sam asked on the other end.
"This is impossible." Every time he tried to address the pain, the urge in him would reignite and he'd have to roar against it in anger to even stay in one place.
"She'll come around. Stay away as long as you need but…"
"I don't think I can stay away too long. She won't let me." He seethed.
"The bond won't let you." Sam corrected and Paul scoffed.
"I never wanted this Sam. I never asked for this." He spit.
"None of us do. But it's worth it." Sam conceded. Paul wasn't so sure.
"Yeah, well...you've never had an 18 year old have this much power over your every waking moment. I don't know if that's true."
There was a pause.
"Paul. She's worth it." Sam was firm but sincere. Paul looked down now and nodded his head knowing that Sam couldn't see.
Maya flashed into his mind now, naked and sprawled on the bed in Santa Monica. Paul hadn't thought his hands could touch enough of her, he felt hungry for her all of the time. And the fire that lit desire in her eyes as he buried his face between her legs pulling his name from her lips was seared into his brain. But she'd turn that fire against him—now that moaning, beautiful, soft Maya hardened in front of him, her back pressed to the side of the house as she burned with what he could only assume was pure hatred.
He closed his eyes tightly trying to wipe the memory from his mind, but she stayed there.
"Can she…?" Paul choked and tried to regain himself. "Can she break the imprint?" He didn't know if he wanted to know the answer to that. If this was his future, Paul thought he would have to break apart and disappear.
"No. She can't." Sam said, sureness and finality in his voice. "Come home when you're ready."
After two more excruciating days, Paul sprinted home the day of the bonfire. He was only a little surprised when he phased that Jeremy was already there and joined him quickly when he broke back into the woods to head home.
Have you been here this whole time? Paul said.
Call it: broadening my horizons. Jeremy quipped. Paul bumped into him with his shoulder and they raced each other back to the rez.
When they reached the rez, it was clear Sam had given an order to the others to keep their collective consciousness void of Maya.
Not that it mattered. Paul, ever the glutton for punishment, sprinted straight to Maya's house and, still in his wolf form, waited in the trees to catch a glimpse of her. He didn't have to wait long though. About ten minutes later, he saw Maya pacing in front of her bedroom window, book in hand. Seeing her there in the flesh for the first time since she left him sent him spiraling back into the pain and the pull of the imprint ratched him forward.
He saw it now: he'd storm in, climb the steps to Maya's room as Rish called out to him and throw open her bedroom door. She'd be startled to see him there, but before she would even get a chance to say anything, he'd cross the room, his face lit with determined fire, and take her into his arms, pressing his lips down onto her. She wouldn't tell him to stop because she'd feel the pain ebb from her body too and he'd press her back onto the bed letting his mouth move around her as he undressed her, took off his pants and pushed his way into her without a second thought. Once inside her, she'd surrender, wave the white flag and beg him forward and there wouldn't be another word about 'This won't work.'
They did work. She just needed to let him in in more ways than one.
But now, buried in the tree line, his teeth bared at the thought of Maya underneath him, he snapped back into himself. She wasn't the type to surrender, he knew that. Maya would push against his chest, tell him no, set him straight and he'd burn even more for her. He'd welcome that dissent because it reminded him that she was something to wait for, to fight for, to work for and be better for.
The wild fantasy settled as he watched her now. She held a hand to her chest as she walked back and forth slowly, her eyes glued to the textbook. Every now and then a brief moment of pain would flicker across her face and Paul ached to soothe it.
It was then that he decided he would see her at the bonfire that night. If only to provide her a moment of temporary relief at being so close again. And then he'd leave. He would. He could do it.
Maybe.
We're going to the bonfire? He could hear the smile in Seth's voice. They didn't really make a habit out of attending bonfires unless Sam said it was absolutely necessary. Mostly because they had patrols to run and secondly, the council was kind of pushy about imprints.
Sam and Emily had four kids together at this point, but the council always asked them when they were having more. Jared and Kim always got an earful too, but Kim was busy making her way up the ranks as a physician's assistant at the Forks Hospital and kids weren't really in their plans for the immediate future.
The council had wasted no time after he had imprinted on Maya to make their expectations about their relationship clear. A week after their initial meeting where they told Maya that she was his imprint, he had been called in. Jared had prepared him for what they might say, seeing as he got the same talking to when he imprinted on Kim when they were 16.
"She's in high school," he had told them as he stood before them.
"We understand that, but we just want to be clear that the imprint relationship is sacred and integral to carrying on the bloodline of the wolf warriors," Elder Mila had said, "It would benefit you now to make your intentions with Maya clear from the onset."
"Plus we have it on good authority that you haven't even reached out to her since the initial imprint." Elder Leo said. Paul made a sound of annoyance and crossed his arms.
"Paul," Chief Black said. "We just want you to understand what this relationship must be...has to be. For the safety of our tribe. You've seen what's out there, so I don't need to explain to you what we're up against should something go wrong. The imprint lays the road for you. You just have to follow it. And you have to make sure Maya follows it too."
Paul fixed them with a hard stare and after a moment, he said coolly, "Are we done?"
To which Chief Black gave him a nod and he left.
Now, as Paul made his way to the bonfire in wolf form, Seth happily running next to him, he thought about what Chief Black said. The imprint lays the road for you. You just have to follow it.
What a load of shit. He thought.
Man, I hope I never imprint. Seth sighed. Paul turned his head to look at him as they ran through the forest, neither of them needing to look where they were going to navigate it successfully. Paul thought about Maya and he knew he didn't regret the imprint. She was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to him. But in the same vein she might also be the worst. They were both fire and he worried that if they gave into one another too easily, they would consume one another. At least that's what he had thought when he had first imprinted.
Seth watched this review of his relationship play in his head and then gave a throaty laugh.
What? Paul said surprised.
You love her man. And not just because of the imprint. That's easy to see. Seth said as he pulled ahead of him in speed. Paul watched him go and something in him relaxed in that admission Seth made for him.
He loved her. Now all he had to do was tell her. With a grimace, he pushed hard with his back legs and sped up.
At the tree line, he donned a dark shirt and some jeans. Everyone was gathered around the bonfire now and Paul made his way quietly over, steeling himself to see her again. He realized he was clenching his fists and slowly let them relax.
Paul stood on the outskirts of the group and heard the voice of Chief Black break through:
"And finally, we'd like to end these announcements with congratulations to Maya Sunriviere. Our Ivy league hopeful has got into not only Princeton but Columbia University as well. We are so proud of her and hope she understands that she carries the tribe with her into this new adventure. We are always with you."
As people filtered out around him, Paul made his way forward to the fire. His eyes connected on Maya's form almost immediately—they were trained to find her almost anywhere—and the rush of relief he felt move through him was immediate. His fists were clenched again though and to steady himself, he only let his eyes rest on her face.
She'd see him eventually, he knew that, but what she did after was up to her. Despite what Chief Black and the other elders had told him, he wouldn't force her to do anything. Her happiness was his happiness and it wasn't fair to push on something that she didn't want.
Paul believed that just because the imprint was said to occur when he needed it the most, that didn't necessarily mean the same was true for Maya. And he needed to protect that space for Maya in his life as his imprint as much as possible from the outside influence of the council, her family, her friends, anybody, so that she could make the decision that was best for her.
He loved her. But that didn't necessarily translate to her loving him back. And when he broke their relationship in it's infancy, he thought it might kill him. Here he stood though, across from her in the firelight, exactly as they started. And when her eyes finally floated over to meet his, he felt comforted by the familiar feeling wash through him that echoed in his mind: Mine.
Her mouth fell open slightly and he watched the line of her lips with urgency. How he wished to press his lips against those lips again. The weight of the imprint made itself known, but he locked his feet in place. The trembling began through his knees and up to his chest, causing his vision to blur. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to hold himself in place and either surrender to the wolf or stride over to take Maya into his arms and not take no for an answer this time.
Then, a broad, hand landed on his shoulder and Sam leaned down to whisper in his ear.
"Not here. She saw you. You can see the bond is still very much intact. She's going to come back to you." Sam gave him a measured look and finished with, "Time to go."
Paul gave him a small nod and with one final burning look at her, he turned and disappeared into the trees with Sam. The one thing he couldn't shake from his mind as he ran patrols that night, skirting the parameter of the rez, was that just before he had turned to leave, he saw her take a step toward him. And his heart swelled with what he only recognized as hope.
Two weeks later
"So we have you in Seattle on the 10th through the 13th for meeting and planning with the architect, and then Denver from the 16th to the 19th for meeting and planning with Mr. Shaw, Mr. Crenshoe, and Mrs. Little." Michael quipped.
"Good. Am I clear for the rest of June?" Paul confirmed over his laptop, pushing the black reading glasses up off his face and onto his head. The sunlight streamed in through his high workshop windows—a rarity for him in Seattle he felt.
"Ah, not quite. Looks like right at the end of the month, I have you in Santa Monica for a refab on that piece for that cute little boho bar on Third Street." Michael tapped at his iPad, no doubt making notes for follow up requests.
"Fine." Paul said dismissively. "Send me the dates for that." He rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked back at his laptop.
"Will do and, OH!" Michael said quickly. Paul looked up at him, "Should I book any of these June flights for Miss Sunriviere as well?" He looked at Paul expectantly.
"Ah, no. She won't be joining me this time," Paul said, a little deflated.
"Okay!" Michael made another note on his iPad and then turned on his heel toward the door, "I'll be back with lunch in an hour!" he called over his shoulder.
As the heavy metal door swung shut behind him, Paul let out a great sigh and leaned back in his chair. After the bonfire, Paul had asked Sam if he could take some time off from rounds. When Sam had agreed, he took off for Seattle and stayed in the apartment above his workshop to bury himself in his work. Michael was delighted to have him on hand all the time, making confirming and scheduling new consults incredibly easy for him. But Paul was itching to get back to the reservation.
Maya's graduation was coming up and Jeremy had popped by a few times a week with updates, mostly to let Paul know how she was doing, if she was stressed with finals, if she was eating/sleeping/drinking. Jeremy was happy to play the informant. The last time he had sent Jeremy on his way he reminded him:
"The original request still stands by the way."
"Huh?" Jeremy said confused as he held open the door.
"Keep an eye on her. No one goes near her, touches her, nothing. Understood?" Paul said firmly.
"Got it." Jeremy nodded. "Uh, but I don't think I would have to do that. She's already doing that herself. Last week she shoved Josh Desota so hard, I thought he was gonna puke." He laughed at that and as Paul said, "What!?" to stop him, Jeremy darted off down the busy street and out of sight.
The hope in Paul glowed warmly through his chest and carried him home back to the rez with a rare reprieve from the pain.
The only thing Paul could think about when he turned into his driveway, was letting his head hit the pillow and sleeping until noon the next day. As he made his way inside, dropping his bag by the front door, and dropping his keys on the shelf he had made next to the coat rack, he yawned.
It was dark and as he flipped on the lights, he inhaled a deep breath, happy to finally be home again. His face screwed up in confusion and pain at the smell that invaded his senses though and he halted to glance around cautiously.
As he rounded the corner to the living room, he came to an abrupt stop, his fists clenched, and his heart racing.
"Maya." He breathed.