She did not hate him. Not one bit.
She knew that she didn't, and knows she never will.
Over and over again, she tells herself that this is for the best. She needed to put boundaries between them, and that this was completely necessary.
And yet, she feels their friendship growing apart.
She hasn't seen him in a while after that night in the mountains. She thinks it's been a week or so. She hasn't counted the days.
"Yeah! But Hinata used to help him when he had one arm, remember? And that's all she ever did during that time. That loser could've helped himself for all I care."
She sits up and looks at Kiba, placing her chopsticks in her bowl. Just what were they rambling on about now?
"No," she cuts in. "I did not spend all my time with him!"
"You spent day and night with Naruto, Hinata." Shino deadpans.
"Okay okay! So what If I spent some time helping Naruto-Kun? What's wrong with helping out a friend?"
"A friend huh?" Kiba wiggles his eyebrows.
"Kiba," Shino warns.
Hinata only frowns at him before turning back to her ramen.
"What? So you're telling me you moved on officially now?" Kiba prods, slurping the remains of his bowl.
"I-I've already moved on!" she clarifies. "Naruto-Kun and I have a great friendship. What more could I ask for?"
Akamaru barks at her, rubbing his paws against her legs. Kiba smirks, probably knowing what the canine was yapping about.
"I'm serious!"
Hinata looks at her teammates, both of their faces holding an expression that tells her 'we don't believe you.'
The Hyuga only sighs, resting her head in her palm. "I haven't seen much of him lately."
"Really?" Kiba says thoughtfully, "Tch… I see that guy every other day. And he's just as annoying as ever. You're not missing out on anything."
"Every other week he visits the academy to teach the students combat lessons, so I see him around quite often." Shino calmly interjects.
Well, if her boys are seeing him often then...
Is he…avoiding me?
No. That couldn't be right.
She could be jumping to conclusions like she occasionally does. But then again-
It could be a possibility as to why she hasn't seen him in a while.
Hm.
"You good? You're going all spacey again." Kiba swirls his chopsticks before poking her nose, and she scrunches her face, giving him a side-eye. "Look, I'm sure you can catch that idiot at any given time. You guys have been all over each other for the past few months anyway...or should I say years?" he grins.
"It's not like that, Kiba-Kun," Hinata sighs while shaking her head.
"So you claim." He pokes her again.
She furrows her brows while turning back to her ramen, pouting. She looks into her bowl, studying the contents swirling inside.
Should she look for him?
No.
No!
Do not look for him!
She mentally scolds herself for even thinking such a thing. She bites her lip, pushing her ramen to the side.
Kiba shoots her a questioning look, but she glances away.
It's not like she wanted to look for him...she's just...worried.
But for what?
He seems to be doing okay by the sound of it because Kiba and Shino said so. Therefore, it should be fine. He should be fine.
So she won't look for him.
Although she made it clear that they were still friends, they haven't hung out in a while. And maybe he is avoiding her...she doesn't know.
She wasn't that harsh when he apologized to her. At least she didn't think she was.
She couldn't show him that she, at that moment, was vulnerable.
So she put on the best, expressionless face. She made her tone sound even, to give away no signs of sadness. She thought it would show him that she didn't think much of the situation. It had worked...right?
She shakes her head, confused by her thoughts. So what if he is avoiding her? It's his choice... she shouldn't go out of her way to look for him. She swore to herself she was done chasing him.
Besides, the universe is weird. She knows she'll see him eventually, like always.
"Hey, Hinata! Watch this!" Kiba picks up his second, half-empty bowl and gulps it all down in one slurp. "Did you see how fast I did that?! I think I'm finally ready to challenge you in a ramen eating contest!"
She quietly giggles at her future opponent. "You're on, Kiba-Kun!" She turns to the bug user on her other side, crossing her arms. "What about you, Shino-Kun?"
Shino adjusts his glasses as he clears his throat. "That will be a hard pass."
"Ah come on, Shino! Don't be such a wuss!"
"If I recall, you couldn't even beat Choji. Not to mention you were bedridden for three days. What makes you think you'll beat Hinata?"
Kiba narrows his eyes at him. "You're just a hater."
Hinata smiles at their bickering. She knows Kiba would never beat her. Though, she'll never tell him that-
She senses him before he even reaches the stand. His chakra- something so warm, that it was easily distinguishable amongst the sea of civilians. He was headed this way.
To Ichiraku.
...Yeah no.
She entertained the thought of her going to him, sure. Did she think of him coming to her?...
Kiba must've sensed him too, because his grin is smug when she turns to look at him, and she's not liking that mischievous look in his eye.
"O-oh, wow! It's getting l-late… we should start paying for, um, our meals! A-and go back-"
"Pshhh Hinata what's the rush? Weren't you looking for a certain someone?"
"N-no!"
"Why are you stuttering so much?" Shino questions, "it's just Naruto."
Yes, that's the problem!
A problem that they knew nothing about.
Hinata turns to Ayame, who gently returns her smile. "Are you ready to pay?"
She fiddles with her wallet before Kiba's booming voice halts her movements, "Naruto! Here for your daily dinner, I fear."
She slightly turns her head while handing Ayame the money. Naruto raises an eyebrow towards Kiba. "You fear?" He questions, and Gods-
She hasn't heard that voice in a long time.
Kiba stands and throws an arm over his shoulder. "Yeah, dude. This daily ramen thing isn't healthy. In fact, I can hear your stomach. It's basically crying for a nice home-cooked meal."
The blond smirks while rolling his eyes, before looking up-
And they lock eyes.
She quickly turns back to Ayame, thanking her for the meal. She mentally notes that if she walks out quietly with her head down, then maybe she can avoid making awkward eye contact-
But of course, Kiba ruins that plan completely, throwing his other arm around her shoulder, pulling them both closer together. "Ya know Naruto, Hinata's been wondering about your whereabouts, and was about to go look for you."
She shoots Kiba a nasty glare, and he only grins at her. She glances at Naruto, but he's not looking her way. His blue eyes were on the ground before them, and something in her heart aches. His expression… It wasn't exactly sad. But-
He lifts his gaze and looks at her, his expression softening, "Yeah?"
Yes?
Nooo!? No.
No.
She was only concerned for his whereabouts. Nothing else. It's not like she had a desire to look for him, she reasons with herself.
From the corner of her eye, she can see Kiba look back and forth between the two, brows furrowing, curiosity dancing in his eyes.
"Um…yes." her voice sounded small, and she hates it. "I was just concerned, that's all…"
"Well then," Kiba roughly pats their backs, making them both stumble forward, "I'll let you guys catch up. Hey Shino! You're paying for me, remember?!"
She watches Kiba hover towards Shino, who mutters something to him, handing Ayame twice the amount of cash he had before.
She inwardly sighs, and turns to the boy next to her, waiting in trepidation for him to make the next move.
He's already looking at her, and she flinches. His expression is still soft, blue eyes taking in her appearance. She flushes, and he shifts on his feet. Probably feeling uncomfortable, because she knows for a fact that he can feel it too- the awkwardness of the situation. How nobody else knows what's going on between the two of them. Just them.
She thinks to start a conversation. There's no use in standing here and awkwardly observe each other.
The way his golden tresses fall over his forehead piqued her interest. He hasn't gotten his trim yet?
"I see your hair is getting longer."
"Yeah?" He takes a strand between his fingers and tugs on it. He frowns, in what seems to be his mind working, contemplating her words. "It's not that long, y'know..."
She shuffles a bit, rubbing her hands together to create warm friction in the cool November air. Looking up at him, she carefully studies his expression. The tiny creases his brows make when he frowns make him look serious. She notices the tiny scratches on his fingers, and observes the way his index finger and thumb twist and pull at that one lock of hair.
He was very quiet. Uncharacteristically so.
She's not even sure what else to say.
Clearing her throat, she says in an even tone, "are you planning on cutting it?"
Not that she cares, but he kept it short for so long. And usually, when someone lets their hair grow out, it indicates a sudden shift in their life, and she wonders if he's been stressed.
"Yeah..maybe sometime this week…I haven't been able to schedule an appointment." he sounds a little distant. An edge to his voice that she couldn't decipher. He looks at her, and she can tell that his eyes are watchful, cautiously looking over her form as if he's checking for injuries. She inexplicably felt self-conscious.
Her team had recently gotten back from a mission. She forgot that she was still in her mission gear.
"If you want, I can ask Kiba-Kun to cut it for you, he does very well in cutting hair…"
She watches his eyes widen at the suggestion, and he holds up his hands as if he's telling her to hold, frantically shaking his head. "Nope! He'll shave me clean off!" he laughs, as he scratches his neck. A nervous tick of his.
At least he's trying to make light of the situation. That should mean something...right?
She smiles and shakes her head. "I let him cut my bangs now and then. He gets close and personal and will treat your hair with the utmost care. You can trust me, he knows what he's doing."
Something in his demeanor shifts at this, and his eyes squeeze shut, the smile on his face seemingly artificial. "He gets close and personal, huh?" he asks, his tone adopting blithe regard, and she carefully looks at him again, considering her next words.
"...yeah. Well not like that, but...you knew what I meant."
He opens his eyes and looks down at her. She stares back at him.
It's quiet again, and she felt the awkwardness in her throat.
She's not sure, but it feels like the mood between them has changed. The awkwardness is still there, of course, lingering in the background. However, something else has taken control of the atmosphere.
It felt like… tension.
She felt tense. That's what it was.
She cautiously steps back, wanting to put some space between them. She wants to leave. But their conversation felt so short. However, this tension that she was feeling... it was beginning to be too much-
"A-ah, well...I should get back home. Because um, you know, I haven't been home in two days..."
"Right! Heh, you must be really tired..." For the third time that evening, he glances over her figure once more, before stopping at her eyes. He gives her another artificial smile, and it makes her ache inside. "Have a good night, Hinata."
He doesn't even mention whether or not they'll see each other again. Not that she minds or anything.
"You as well, Naruto-Kun."
...*...
Sputters of blood land on Naruto's shoulder as he holds the delicate body in his hands.
She looks forward as her knees slowly melt into the hard soil. Her vision is blurry, hands tightly fisted together at the sight of the two young men before her.
Dead bodies scatter the darkened plains all around her. Over three hundred if she's not mistaken. There are people currently dying, and she feels guilty for not being there for her comrades.
But right now, she pushes the feeling of guilt aside if it meant being there for him. In his last moments.
She takes a look at him, at his weakened state. The light in his eyes is fading, and his body is at its limit.
He's dying.
Once upon a time, she thought he was invincible.
And now he lies breathless before her with two wooden stakes lodged into his torso.
And there's nothing she can do about it.
Nothing at all.
There's nothing she can do to save him, but watch him bleed. Watch his blood coat the brow soil a deep burgundy.
His long brown hair remains disheveled from the gale of war. The blood exuding from his mouth stained his ivory chin red. The fern-colored mark on his bruised forehead is loud; it screams reminders of destiny. Destinies that foreshadow nothing but pain and misery. Destinies that she could never fix.
A heavy burden that was never meant for him.
His voice sounds so frail in her ears, something that she will never be used to.
"So… you hold... more than one... life in your hands…"
She can only watch, too stunned to do anything. She wants to hear him out, really...she does. But the heavy breaths caused by his failing lungs create a tremble in her heart that wreaks havoc through her entire body. The lifeless look in his eyes altered the very reality she was in. It just doesn't feel real.
Almost as if she was in some type of simulation.
It's not supposed to be like this.
It's not... it wasn't-
"And it seems... that my life too... may have been… one of them.."
The words "may have been" stab her heart with a thousand kunais.
He's insinuating his death. It wasn't...it wasn't supposed to be him.
It pains her to hear his fading voice, to look into his fading lavender eyes.
She wants to reach out to him, but she doesn't. She can only watch and cradle her own bruised hands.
"Why would you go so far for me? Even give up your life…"
She can see Naruto's tears streaming down his face, his once boisterous voice now tainted with heartbreak. He's right, why would he go so far for him...for her?
It wasn't supposed to be him.
She didn't- he wasn't supposed to die.
No- that wasn't the purpose...the end goal of it all.
It was never my intention to hurt you.
She looks at him, making direct eye contact.
His eyes slowly waver to the ground, looking at the Earth's crust for one last time.
I never wanted this for you.
She never wanted this for him. To cause him so much pain. Especially in their adolescent years, and now here.
And his last words- the words that escape his mouth are nostalgic.
"Because… you called me a genius…"
The mark slowly evaporates into nothingness, and his soul latches onto freedom.
His body falls to the ground and Naruto deflects.
A guy with a two-sided face starts spewing ignorance.
All coherent thoughts stop functioning. Only one follows through.
Neji-niisan, I will always love you.
She woke up with a start. She can feel the tears in her eyes as she processed the recurring dream.
The dreams are not back to back. They happen now and then. But a two-year-long occurrence is a really long time for a dream.
Scratch that. They're not dreams. They're nightmares.
Nightmares that were once real.
Nightmares that haunt her very existence.
She can either dwell in them or start her day. So she chooses the second option. Opening her blinds, the light suddenly fills the room. It's particularly sunny today. However, it's still cold, she thinks.
She throws on her gear and heads out of her room, planning to reach the training grounds earlier than her colleagues.
"Hinata."
The voice was cold and even and sounded like it was in no hurry.
It belonged to her father, the current head of a seemingly disordered clan. She felt bad for him, for the amount of stress that's being put on him lately.
She's never seen him look so distressed. His under eyes were darker than usual and the lines on his forehead became deeper when he frowned. Other than that, he always had a calculated look on his face, showing little to no emotion, only when necessary.
"Good morning father." She looks up into his cold, familiar eyes.
His response was silence.
The majority of the time, his love feels silent too.
He always kept his composure, never breaking out of character. His stern demeanor rattles the bones of clan members. But it didn't rattle hers. It never did.
She knows that deep within him, there's emotion. He doesn't particularly show it, but she knows that it's there.
Hiashi's brows furrow, his eyes questioning. "I assume you will no longer be sleeping in as you have been doing these past three days?"
She didn't think he would notice. She's not sure about much concerning her father. He can be very distant at times.
"I apologize for not following routine, father." She slightly bows her head out of courtesy.
He looks at her, his expression flat. Then his brow lifts at her courtesy and he crosses his arms, his long hair falling neatly to his sides.
"There will be another clan meeting two days, and I expect you to be there."
Not only was she sleeping in, but she's been skipping clan meetings as well. Gods, she really is off track.
Deranged, one might say.
"Um...yes, I will be there."
If it were even possible, she swore that his stoic expression became even more hardened than it already was...
"You may not be the heir. However, your duties as a Hyuga are to remain intact. Your actions have been careless lately."
She nodded in response, taking in the heavy blows word by word. Yes, she understood the weight of his words. No, she couldn't bring herself to act on them. She knew her duty as a Hyuga. She knows what her responsibilities are.
But it hurt to think about.
So, so much.
Because balancing her regular life and being a shinobi is hard. Because not knowing whether or not she wanted to keep pursuing this lifestyle was getting to her nerves, and toying with her mind.
She wished she could talk to her father about these things. She wished she had a mother to open up to... But she couldn't. Because emotions were only a sign of weakness. Because putting herself before the clan would be dishonorable.
Sometimes, she didn't even feel like his daughter. Only another pair of byakugan eyes.
"Of course, father. Again, I apologize for my actions.."
He nods his head in agreement.
"...may I go now, please?"
Again, his brow lifts in response.
Maybe she should've just stayed quiet. Then again she was kind of in a hurry.
He looks at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable before he nods his head in approval. "Before you go, I must mention to you about the elders' decision on suitors."
Great.
Instinctively, her fingers start to play with each other. She hopes the opposite of what she thinks he's going to say.
"After long consideration, they agreed to follow the standard regime."
Just great.
Mentally, she's dying inside. She purses her lips as she tries her best to not look annoyed.
Hinata Hyuga rarely ever gets annoyed. However, old conservative men controlling her love life takes the damned cake.
Suitors suitors suitors.
Elders this, elders that.
Why the hell did they feel the need to control every aspect of her life even though she wasn't the heiress anymore? She hasn't a clue.
"However, I want you to know that this is optional for you."
…?
"I...know about your long-held infatuation with the Uzumaki boy...and I don't necessarily agree with the Elders' proposal. Therefore, you do not have to see suitors. There would be no consequences if you choose not to."
She looks at him with wide eyes, taking in the meaning of his words.
"I will not force you to involve yourself with any suitors, Hinata."
...Oh?
Just thirty seconds ago he was scolding her...and now...
Who is this man and what has he done with her father? Contrary to what he just said, she would think that he would be the main one enforcing this nuisance of a regime…
And yet…
Wait...infatuation?
She frowns and looks up at him. That's not how she would put it, and maybe she'll question him later.
Happiness bubbles inside of her and she bites back a smile.
She doesn't have to worry about suitors. She doesn't have to entertain or lead on a man.
And it's all thanks to her father.
If she could, she would give him the biggest hug ever. A hug that would express her gratitude, a hug that would show her love.
But Hiashi Hyuga wasn't the emotional type.
So she bows her head and thanks him. Then she heads off to the training grounds.
...*...
Two days later, Hinata makes her way towards the Hyuga compound.
Inside the conference room were Hyuga clan members chatting all around. Some of them whispering nonsense into the ears of one another. Her father is at the front of the room along with the elders and leading members of the branch family.
Another day, another clan meeting.
And like the rest of them, she can't wait for it to be over.
As usual, she's spacing out as pandemonium wrecks the room.
Clan meetings were not as sophisticated as they used to be.
She doesn't care for them anymore. The words that escape the elders' mouths are spiteful; they're afraid of change. They were afraid of anything that does not recognize the hierarchy which is themselves. So she tunes them out.
Talking to the elders was like conversing with a brick wall. Nothing will get through that thick head of theirs. Tradition must live on, no matter how damaging it is to younger generations.
Deep down inside, in the darker corners of her consciousness, she figures when they… move on to the afterlife… things will finally get a move on. Only then will the clan move on to a better future.
But for now, she chooses to keep her down and let time pass. Her voice will remain quiet. She'll wait it out...and count the seconds into minutes, and the minutes into hours.
She knows she won't be stuck here forever.
Until-
"Neji's death was meaningless, and there will be no further discussion about it."
The entire room goes silent.
It felt like a bucket of cold water splashing all over her. Her head snaps up in the direction of the voice.
Exactly what did she miss?
"Hinata during that time and now was no longer the heir of the Hyuga clan. He knew what his duties were as a branch member, and that is to protect the rightful heir of the clan, Hyuga Hanabi...who was at home amid of war."
"How does this correlate to what you said previously?" Her father interjects.
"...his death was nothing but a careless part of his act. If anything, I would say that his actions were inapt of a so-called 'genius.' Therefore this misjudgment cost him his life. Your eldest daughter, Hiashi, was willing to give up her life for a jinjuriki, a boy who possesses a demon inside of him. She displayed weakness on the battlefield. What good is a Hyuga who cannot use their visual prowess effectively?"
As always, she was nothing but a pair of byakugan eyes. This entire clan- they were nothing but eyes to them.
But never mind that fact.
This wasn't be happening. There are so many topics that needed to be reached- a ton of things that needed addressing, and yet they chose to bring up Neji?
His death was still a sore topic around the compound, a bloody wound that refuses to close, and therefore something that members are scared to touch.
They couldn't talk about this. They can't-
Please stop talking. Please...
"Neji was a capable shinobi who was eligible to lead a higher position in our clan. And yet he threw away his talents at the expense of her life, for his own. Neji could have been a phenomenal asset to our clan. He was chosen to lead the clan during battle, but that was terrible decision-making on your part, Hiashi. His death was not only meaningless but selfish to the clan."
When did the conversation shift to such a sensitive topic?
What was the reason for bringing him up?
She couldn't listen anymore, or take this any longer.
To disgrace Neji like this...
Never in her life has she felt so angry.
Her voice was too quiet, and her mind screamed no.
But amid the yelling, her heart whispered yes. And with that small reassurance, her soft words were heard throughout the elder's turmoil.
He heard her. Everyone did. Everything in time stopped, and all the attention focused on her.
"Raise your voice child," said the brittle voice.
"You're wrong," came the soft reply.
Light gasps were heard across the dimly lit room. No one ever dared to talk down to an elder. May she be the first.
Her father's stern voice cut through the whispers. "Hinata-"
"No no, Hiashi. Let the girl speak her mind. Never before has your daughter spoken out of line like this. This will be interesting to hear." The elder cocked his head to the side, his frowns creating more wrinkles on his withered face, his hands clasping together. "Continue."
Granted, the elder was right. She's speaking out of line in front of their clan and it was disgraceful. The spotlight is on her, and it feels like a thousand eyes are peering into her soul.
A thousand eyes. All holding the same lineage.
"To say such spiteful words on behalf of Neji's life is just wrong. How dare you?"
To say the word 'dare' was risky. But exciting overall.
A long, icy silence intoxicated the atmosphere as tension in the room intensified.
Hinata looked the elder in his eyes, never breaking eye contact with him. Her skin felt hot in the cold room, the familiar prick behind her eyes threatening to break loose, but she forced herself to keep composure. He stared at her right back, his face remaining stoic.
Never will they speak in vain of Neji's name ever again.
Never will they degrade his worth under this roof.
She will make sure of it. Even if she has to be a pain in the ass.
"He was asked by my father to lead the clan on the front lines of war. He even mastered a Jutsu that was restricted to branch members. Neji-niisan…" her voice grew more soft as she thought of him, "was someone who prevailed through this clan's spoiled principles and became one of the strongest of the Hyuga at such a young age. He was a prodigy! And through the help of a friend,"
Said friend being Naruto,
"...he sought to shape his destiny. To twist and bend the laws of a Hyuga to his own will."
She looks around the room, her lavender eyes scanning everyone's own.
"It was his choice." Her voice cracks slightly, threatening to release a soft cry. She lowers her head and balls her fist. "His."
The subtle crack in her voice could be heard throughout the room but she didn't care. Too many times has she let the elders walk over. Too many times has she let her father do the talking for her. Like a ghost among the living, she felt isolated from her clan.
She will not feel that way anymore.
She lifts her chin and stares at the old Hygua in his eyes. Her lips give a slight tremble, and her tears are lightly cascading down her face. But she doesn't care. Not anymore.
She wants them to see it. To see the raw emotion that this clan has so blindly labeled as a 'weakness.'
Her eyes involuntarily moved to her father, and he looked as cold as ever. Like the winter night sky. His brows are furrowed tightly and his jaw is clenched. He probably didn't like her outburst.
And he probably won't like this next one either.
"The concept of main and branch house members is unequivocally flawed. Not only does the main branch enforce a permanent curse mark on branch members that mentally and physically scars them, but they abuse their power as if they are tyrants. We're better than that!" she turns back to the Elder. "We as the main house have to treat others as if they are actual members of the clan, and not just some slaves we can walk over!"
Her father's flat voice could be heard through her bantering. "Hinata."
She's wandering into dangerous territory- no, she's already crossed the line. There's no point in stopping now. She has to keep going.
"I have interacted with the majority of branch members to know that such claims of 'mutiny' would never occur. I've assisted numerous members with aid to know that they care about my wellbeing just as much as I do theirs. Their intentions are good. All branch members are good people...they are the same as you and me. And Neji-niisan... he gave his life for me. Me! The ex-heiress who was deemed as a failure because of my… 'weakness.'"
"Hinata-"
"We could have done so much more as a clan if we didn't limit our abilities- especially ourselves. We still can do more...it's not too late to change and move forward as a clan. We can still follow tradition, and make way for future generations so they won't have to bear a destiny that is predetermined for them. The curse mark- I know we cannot rid of it with currently living branch members, but it could be obliterated with new generations-"
"That's enough!"
She flinches at the blare of his voice, her spark immediately dying out.
Her father's scalding voice is enough to burn her own. The little flame that was igniting into something bigger with her confidence- now blown out from the blow of Hiashi's words.
He stands up and clears his throat. "The meeting is over. You are all dismissed."
The elders look at Hiashi with questioning eyes before making their way out. They know their authority and the power they hold, although Hiashi's status will always remain on top. So they take their leave. As soon as the elders step out of the room, the rest of the clan, usually gusting with exuberance after a long clan meeting, silently walk out the room.
Indeed, it was eerie.
Hinata knows not to leave. She stands there with her head lowered, her eyes analyzing the wooden cracks on the floor.
She knows what's coming.
And she's ready for it.
"Look at me when I am speaking to you."
She didn't want to, but she slowly lifted her head. And when her eyes met his own, all she could see was her reflection drowning in lavender pools.
"What do you think I've been doing these past two years, Hinata? Have you not been paying attention to any of the meetings at all?"
Well yes, but actually no.
So she remains silent.
"I thought you would have understood by now the reasons for a slow progression. For two years, my developments towards an agenda that accomplishes a more lenient regime have, to a certain degree, made their advancements. Slowly but surely have I been reaching better grounds with the Elders, incorporating ideas that express more liberating practices. To have a profound influence on the Elders means to have patience. Something that you lack."
Her eyes threaten to look away, but she holds her ground.
"You were ignorant to your actions tonight, blatantly speaking on heavy matters that do not concern you. Do you not understand the burden of your actions? Do you not realize how dire the consequences are, Hinata? Do you not recall the Hyuga's way of tradition, and what that means to everyone and not just you? Do you think change will be handed to you on a silver platter by ranting like a rotten child?"
She frowns at his last sentence, her fist balling the fabric of her skirt.
"If Hanabi and I don't cut, then have another kid that would blindly follow those traditions!"
"What's 19 more years, Hinata?!... To have another kid that, in the end, could potentially be another you? It would be wasteful."
There her was. The Hiashi she grew up knowing.
His words were venom. They were slowly poisoning her system with anguish and she felt like a scared little girl all over again. How could he say that, after everything they've been through? The delicate threads that gradually mend their broken relationship were unraveling.
And she couldn't help to think that this was her fault.
She can feel the beating of her heart slowly increase, the sweat of her palms creating an uncomfortable feeling when clenching her fists.
It hurt more than it should have. Hearing those words come out of his mouth.
But she couldn't let this bring her down.
She won't let this bring her down.
"What's wasteful is the untimely manner that you call 'progression.'"
She could've said it louder, but...
He lifts a brow at her response. "Are you implying that you could have done more?"
In the iciest tone she could ever produce, she replied, "More than you could've done in two years."
She's not even sure where the boldness in her statement came from, but her tone sounded so... bitter.
For a brief moment, his calculated expression breaks, contorting into something of shock. And then it was gone as quickly as it appeared, the muscles on his face reverting to their original state. And just like that, his face is back to its usual flat expression.
"Just go, Hinata. Get out of my sight.'' His voice was heavy with disappointment, and she could feel the weight pressing down on her shoulders, sinking into the bare wooden floor.
Her legs do the walking before she registers it.
She feels...strangely numb.
Like a chemical in her brain decided to stop responding in such stressful situations.
But then again, numbing was a side effect of venom.
...*...
"You're a very kind child."
Opalescent eyes gaze at the elder woman in front of them.
The woman only smiles at her. "Your heart is bound to hurt when you're only doing what's best for you. You have a good heart, a kind soul."
Receiving advice from an old lady inside of a shelter can be deemed questionable. But to Hinata, she found it comforting.
She's been helping out at shelters more regularly. It was a nice add-on to her schedule.
It gives her something to do in the meantime.
Hopefully, this counts to her as doing something. Other than 'moping' around, or whatever Hanabi likes to call it.
She found herself liking the environment in the shelters. It makes her feel needed, and somehow, that's a very good feeling to experience.
She's not sure if this feeling is from the lack of not receiving it from others, but it feels nice. And it keeps her distracted.
The woman she's currently helping had nothing to sleep on because of a lack of resources. The steady increase of refugees made it hard for the workers to provide for them. She puts the extra blankets in the elder lady's dainty hands and places a hand on her shoulder.
The woman expresses her gratitude for Hinata's generosity.
So what if she confided in this elderly woman. Ever since she started volunteering here, she would often have small talk with her. Sometimes she surprises herself by the accidental slip of her tongue. She found so much comfort in talking to this random old lady that she'd occasionally reveal small things about herself here and there.
The old lady was nice about it, though. She never judged her for thinking such weird things.
Instead, she would share her advice. Sometimes even compliment her.
Hinata thinks it's refreshing. Confiding in a stranger. A stranger who knows nothing of her past.
Yeah, it's a little weird...because she doesn't even know this woman's name. But she likes to think it's therapeutic.
She turns around, and cool amber eyes meet her own, making her body halt to a complete stop. It was the guy from a few weeks ago...she's pretty sure. With his wavy black hair and lightly freckled face, he smiles as pretty boys do, and she could only give him a smile in return.
He squints his eyes at her, the corner of his lips tugging upwards as he walks up to her. "So...we meet again."
She doesn't even know what to say. To see him here, standing right in front of her…
She thought she was never going to see him...but here he is.
Heat rises to her cheeks in embarrassment when she notices she hasn't said anything in return.
"Hi." She avoids eye contact with him. She's fully convinced that the universe hates her now.
"Hello."
How can he sound so calm...so collected? As if they didn't collide on a street swarming with civilians. Was he not embarrassed that day?
She quickly bows, and with a respectful goodbye, tries to scurry off. But it seems the guy had other plans.
"Ah wait, hold on just a minute!" She can hear the shuffling of his feet, and soon enough, he catches up to her. She's thankful he doesn't grab her. A Lot of guys tend to do that sort of thing...
She stops and turns to face him,
"…yes sir?"
He chuckles at her formality. "You're formal huh? The name is Kaito. I volunteer sometimes." She nods at him, watching him carefully, listening intently, "...I have never seen you around here before and... I was just wondering if we can maybe talk for a bit? I know we ran into each other a couple of weeks back, which again, I apologize for." He looks at her and smiles.
So he's aiming for small talk…
Can she ever catch a break?
She laughs nervously, shifting her gaze. "Oh no, Kaito-san. That was all me! It was my fault for not watching my surroundings."
"Again, no need to apologize, um…"
Oh right.
Her name.
"Forgive me! My name is Hinata Hyuga."
His eyes snap open in surprise. "Oh! I knew the eyes looked familiar. The clan you're from is of noble status, correct?"
"Well…yes, but-"
"Hinata-san...you have a very pretty name."
She looked at him in disbelief. "...T-thankyou, Kaito-san."
He smiles at her, and she doesn't know what to do. She feels incredibly awkward.
"Do you work here?" He gestures around the area.
Why does he want to know?
She rubs her hands together nervously. "Um, I recently started volunteering here…"
"Really? I've been working here for a while now and I haven't seen you here…"
"Oh…"
He tilts his head at her, the smile on his face overwhelming. A few strands of his raven hair fall in his eyes. "You know, you remind me of this one guy I used to know. You have the same eyes as him, but different hair color."
Her eyes widened in shock. She could be wrong, but she's certain he's referring to Neji. it could've been any Hyuga, but...
"...You knew of my cousin?"
"Your cousin huh? Well yeah, I don't remember his name...it probably started with an N or something…but from what I remember, he's a pretty cool guy."
So he did know.
"His name was Neji. Neji Hyuga."
His expression shifts into something of a curiosity, and then immediate realization takes effect. There was a brief look in his eye, one that couldn't go unnoticed. Amber eyes reflecting a knowing look of resentment before reverting to their original state, although they hold more subdued regard. It was a silent, mutual understanding. She's grateful that he's keeping things light between them.
They were strangers, after all.
"Right." He says softly, "...say Hinata-san, do you think maybe sometime this week...I can take you out for a bite to eat?"
She was going to say no.
She would've let him down gently, and politely decline Kaito's offer. That's what she was going to do.
But she's curious.
He knew Neji. And she wanted to know the how's and what's and when's about his relations with her late cousin.
So she agrees. "...okay."
She watches his face brighten with joy, his pearly white grin stretching from ear to ear. His golden eyes crinkle in delight, and from there, she reconsiders her life choices. She doesn't want to lead him on in any way. But then again, maybe he just wants to be friends with her.
She thinks of this as a chance to step out of her comfort zone. Mingling with new people could probably be beneficial to her mental health. Perhaps, this could even be another happy distraction.
...*...
"Hinata. You probably don't realize it because you're stuck in your Uzumaki ways...but do note that other men show interest in you! I mean coooome on. You're hot. You have a nice body. You're extremely nice...and did I mention you're hot?"
Hinata chuckles at Ino's rambling as she pays for her flowers. "Well, I wouldn't say all of that…and I told you already, I'm not...stuck on Naruto-Kun!"
"Give yourself some credit girl!" Ino hands her cash back and leans over the counter. "As I said before, I could help you out. All you have to do is ask."
Should she tell her about Kaito? She's going to tell her about Kaito.
"...Actually, Ino-san, I'm going out to eat with someone already."
The Yamanaka shoots up, staring at her. She then narrows her eyes suspiciously at the Hyuga. "Are you serious?"
Hinata nods her head, a nervous smile on her lips.
Ino's squeals could be heard a mile away. She scurries from behind the counter, her long blonde hair swaying back and forth as she jumps and giggles with excitement. "You have a date!? Are you serious right now?" she asks in anticipation.
Hinata chuckles at her friend, "It's not a date."
Ino rolls her eyes, "suuure it isn't."
"I'm not lying! It's just a friendly outing."
Ino's eyes bore into Hinata's, her jittery state coming to a stop. "Does this mean you're finally over that knucklehead?"
Hinata deeply sighs and looks the blonde in the eye. "I told you already, Ino-san, I was never romantically involved with him. There is nothing to get over. Naruto-Kun will always be a dear friend of mine-"
"A friend that you have feelings for?" Ino muses.
She lowers her head and sighs, "it's not like that, Ino-san."
Ino perks up, crossing her arms while showcasing a sneaky grin, "I have a proposition."
Uh oh.
"And whatever could that be?"
"I say treat this like an actual date. If you don't like it, then straight up friendzone him. If you do like it, actually go for it. I can give you a few pointers if you'd like."
"Ino-san," Hinata quietly laughs, "...I don't think-."
"Hinata… this could be a new chapter in your life. You never know what good comes out of something if you never try it."
She does have a point…
But Hinata doesn't want this to be known as a date. What if gets back to her other friends? What if it gets back to-
No no no. NO!
So what if it got back to them?
"O-okay."
"Eeee!" The Yamanaka squeals, hugging her tightly. "I'm so glad you're finally getting out more!"
"Yeah…I guess so."
While Ino continues rambling, Hinata becomes all too aware of the fact that she's never been on an actual date before. She ponders the reality of the situation.
Which is worse?
Using someone to get more information out of them..or going on a date with someone, knowing that your feelings will forever reside elsewhere.
...*...
A few days have passed. She steps foot into the first snowfall, relishing this beautiful moment the atmosphere had to offer. A light blanket of snow covers the ground, and it's enough to hear the light crunch that cackles underneath her feet whenever she takes a step.
She releases an icy breath, and it creates a light cloud before it disappears.
And then her thoughts begin to wander.
Maybe...just maybe... it wouldn't be such a bad thing to run away. It wouldn't be a bad idea at all really, to leap to the trees and run with the wind. To drift among the clouds, and travel the world like a wandering shooting star.
It's not like anything will change.
The village will continue without her.
Life will carry on.
All of these things are very much true…
But then again.
Hanabi will knock on her room door asking for a spar, only to be met with silence.
The new guy she just met will probably think she abandoned him as he silently waits for her at Ichiraku's.
Kiba and Shino will be asking for their teammate, only to be met with a teary-eyed little sister who failed to find her.
She knows for certain that Sakura and Ino will ask for her.
And maybe even Naruto.
Life will go on without her. That she knows for certain. But the bonds she created in the life that she lives will not. And she refuses to let that happen.
So she disregards that thought. It was stupid anyway.
She looks up to the sky, and tiny flurries fall slowly all around her. The stars are here too, keeping her comfortable alongside the glistening snow and full moon.
The night knows all of her secrets, and she doesn't have to say a word. The silence spoke for itself.
She and her father were not talking. As of right now, at least. She considered apologizing, but right now it felt too soon.
She continued her walk into the bustling village, enjoying the gentle breeze of the night. The way that Konoha lights up in the sky's darkness especially makes her happy, making her forget about the events that transpired a few days ago.
Happy distractions.
That's what it was.
And it's all she ever needs.
She studies her surroundings, taking in the nightlife and all of its glory.
She notes the flock of couples surrounding the varying food vendors. Little kids running around with sparklers in their hands, although for no particular occasion. She spots a few kids making snow angels as well. Naruto paying for his daily ramen-
Wait-
Naruto-Kun?
As if on cue, he turns around and spots her, probably from sensing the shock in her chakra signature.
She stops too, making unwanted eye contact with him.
He then shouts over to her and frantically waves his hand, motioning her to wait there. She watches him finish up his task before he catches up to her, his eyes landing on her. "How's it going?"
He sounds happy to see her. She smiles at this and continues walking. "It could be better."
He frowns at her statement as he stuffs his hands into his pockets.
"What do ya' mean by that?"
"As in, there could be better days, better nights."
She probably sounds depressing to him. He nods at her response and somehow the mood between them shifts. An unwanted shift, she senses.
"Hinata…" he begins, and she already knows where this is going, "I know I apologized already...but-"
The night was going just fine.
"Naruto-Kun, it's okay...really."
"But-"
"Naruto-Kun," she says softly, resting her hand on his arm, finally catching his attention. He pauses and looks at her.
She immediately lets go of his arm, continuing her sentence. "You apologized, and that is all that matters. I accepted it and chose to move on. You can too if you choose to move forward as well."
His expression hardens, and she deeply inhales. That did sound a little harsh, but she thinks he needs a wake-up call. She needs to stand her ground with him. She really wants to forget about that night...and he should as well.
His voice has an edge to it, and she can tell that his patience is nearing its end. "I'll move forward with this last and sincere apology, Hinata."
Always so stubborn.
And it's weird because she feels like he's apologizing for the wrong thing. He thinks she's mad because of his "inappropriate" touching, when in fact she feels quite the opposite.
She liked the way he touched her that night. That was the only time he ever touched her so intimately, and she craved so much to feel something like that again.
Like the absolute maniac that she was.
So yeah, she feels like he's apologizing for the wrong thing. What he should be apologizing for is leading her on. Playing with her feelings as if they meant nothing. If he...somehow knows about her feelings, then why hasn't he mentioned it? The anger that she felt was brutal. She felt like she was on fire, scalding heat burning each of the fibers in her bones and melting her tears. Her lungs heaving with the smoke of angry flames.
Surely he has to know...because why else would he tease her so much?
The words roll off of her tongue before she can stop herself. "...I'm not mad at you...for that...a-and I know that you know."
Naruto squints his eyes in confusion as if he wasn't listening. "Hm?"
She doesn't understand why he's acting clueless.
He knows. She knows that he knows.
Her breath is shaky, and her heart is pounding against her ribcage. She can feel the tears already. "That's not...what I was mad at you for..."
His nose scrunches up, and she knows for a fact that he's pretending. "Hinata, I'm not following."
The words poke at her pathetic little heart, and she shakes her head frantically, becoming frustrated at his confusion before she accidentally snaps, "I didn't mind the touching part, okay?!"
Her blood runs cold at the slip of her stupid tongue.
Those were not the words she was looking for.
And when she lifts her gaze to meet his reaction, she watches the way his confused expression slowly unravels into something unreadable. His narrowed eyes widening at her statement. His clenched jaw slacking.
Her mind circuits. She shuts her mouth and the world around her physically pauses.
Oh no.
No no no nononono!
Did I accidentally reveal too much?
She shouldn't have said that. She didn't- she should've kept her cool like she usually does. Because now he's looking at her with an expression that she's never seen before. And she mentally prepares herself for what's to come next.
They stand there as the darkness envelops them. The streetlights do them no justice, but the blue glow of his eyes feels intensifying and she can suddenly see everything. The flicker of a thousand emotions dance across his face, and...
The situation that they're in...just became more complex. And it was all her fault.
Maybe his too, but mostly, it was her's.
His expression becomes unreadable again as if he's processing the meaning of her words. She can practically hear the gears turning in his head, activating a chip that ensures his thought process.
And at this very moment, she wishes to disappear off the face of the Earth.
His expression finally shifts into something she's familiar with. Something that was calculating. The words were stealth coming from his mouth, his eyes carefully watching over her. "...You're not mad about me... touching you?" He starts.
She can only respond to his question in silence. How was she supposed to answer that? She was hoping he would ask her something else...as in the leading on stuff…and maybe they could find closure from there.
But how was he supposed to ask about it if she never even mentioned it to him?
Stupidstupidstupidstupid-
"Hinata?"
She flinches.
Oh no.
He's waiting for something that she doesn't have the answers to.
He steps forward, invading her personal space, his eyes studying her still figure. He towers over her, looking at her with a, once again, unreadable expression. From her periphery, she can see how tense his form was, the rising and falling movements of his covered chest.
There's something about him that has her questioning his advances. He seems… atypically cautious. Which is very weird for him. Like he's tuned in to his thoughts- a rare sight to the Hyuga.
She's never seen him look so serious.
This is not a good sign for her.
"...What are you saying...about the touching part?"
She flinches at his advances, at how persistent he is on knowing the actual meaning behind her words. Something that she doesn't want to explain.
Why has he focused on that part anyway? Doesn't he want to know about the actual reason for her anger!?
She gulps, a little frightened at his demanding tone. "Um...I d-don't know-"
"Yes, yes you do know." He prods, inching closer to her body. His expression became more irritable by the second.
Yeah, she does know. Matter of fact, she doesn't want him to know anymore… she considers the possibility that maybe he didn't know. And now she feels dumb because this argument has backfired on her.
She declares that she's not ready for this conversation. And with that-
"Forget I said anything! I-it's getting quite late! And um, I'll see you tomorrow, Naruto-Kun!"
She blabbers and pushes past him, speeding away from the blond into Konoha crowds. Hoping to lose him, she shuffles through civilians, hoping the different chakra signatures throw him off, and hurries into a nearby alleyway.
It's dark and narrow, but it's enough for her to catch her breath. She curses herself for such stupidity.
She looks down at her shaky, sweaty hands. He was so close to her...and she felt so intimidated by him...
After a minute, she gathers herself and starts walking down the path, planning to head home. She checks behind her to make sure she isn't being followed. The lights from the main street became fainter with each step she took.
It should be fine now, she decides. Only to turn around and bump into a hard chest.
"Hinata."
His ample voice startles her, a yelp escaping her throat, and it penetrates the silence of the alley. His tall figure once again looming over her small one. Once again he towers over her, and she becomes keenly aware of their height difference. She felt so...small. So powerless. So weak.
Why didn't you mask your chakra? She scolds herself. His sensory abilities are off the charts now. Way more than they have been before. Who did she think she was... thinking that she could escape him?
Hinata five minutes ago wasn't as smart as the present Hinata.
"Don't run away from me!" He snaps, and the urgency in his voice is prominent. She could be wrong, but he almost sounds... offended that she would do such a thing.
She lowers her head, avoiding eye contact with him. "I wasn't running away-"
"Yes you were," he snaps again, adopting a harsher tone. "You're avoiding the question. Avoiding me." he was practically seething now. She hasn't seen such anger directed at her in a long time. The only time involving Neji-
He's right though. He's right and damn she's at a loss for words. She shouldn't be avoiding him.
But it was all too sudden. And things were happening too quickly.
His eyes pierce daggers through hers. "What did you mean back there, Hinata?"
"I…"
She doesn't know.
She tries again, "I-I don't...know."
That answer again. She could do better.
But that's all she can say.
And he looks at her, his anger morphing with something akin to pain, and at that moment she would do anything, anything to just see his smile again.
She could feel the air around them getting thicker, her skin feeling unusually warm in the cold night.
Maybe he could see through her ways, through her troubled way of thinking. His eyes stared infinitely into hers, until slowly, his anger eventually fused, his heavily creased brows softening with the weight of his shoulders.
He backs off, and stuffs his hands into his pockets, throwing his head back as he gazes into the sky.
She patiently waits. Expecting the harsh blows of his words to scold her, she turns her head in shame, not wanting to meet his sharp gaze. But what he says next completely catches her off guard-
"Can we just… go back to the ways things were before?"
He dropped it.
She turns to look at him, and she's sure he can see the shock in her eyes. That was not the answer she was expecting, but it's something she can get behind. But just to be sure-
"As in being friends?"
The corners of his mouth tug into a strained smile. And she couldn't help but wonder why…
Why did it look like he was holding so much back? As if he had so much more to say-
"Yeah, as in before...like we always were? You're right, y'know. We should just put this behind us, and move forward."
Right.
Move forward. And be as they always were before.
Like they always were.
So she nods, feeling a little uneasy at the sudden shift in conversation, but overall glad that he was finally listening to her.
If he's willing to forget about it, then…
Then...
They can finally move on.
She can focus more on herself. More on her broken clan.
"That's...good." He sounds unsure of himself at first, but then his voice starts to bloom the more he communicates with her. "Heh, now we can continue our daily ramen.." and then he branches off into another topic, rambling about whatever topic crosses his mind. She listens to him blabber like a wandering toddler, and she giggles now and then as he recalls his day.
They were catching up again.
All of the tension that she felt with him suddenly dissolves, and now things are somewhat whole again. Somewhat. Their friendship remains strong, and she thinks of this as another wake-up call.
Maybe this was meant to be for them. Friendship. It was never anything more, she knows this. But this time, she'll stop reminding herself that they were friends, and will start accepting the fact that they are.
A deep love for him still kindles within her. She'll keep it sealed within her.
She looks at him and smiles, and he grins that infamous smile.
Oftentimes she finds herself questioning, how does he do it?
He's casually talking to her again, and it doesn't even feel awkward. She likes this about him, how he tends to make light of every opportunity given.
Light.
Always the sun, isn't he? A big ball of fire, that's practically light itself.
To feel his warmth wherever, even if he's a million light-years away.
To be contaminated with his energy will always be enough for her.
She sometimes wonders what that makes her. If he's the sun, then maybe she's the moon.
But moons are cold and full of holes… and they also have a dark side to them. She realizes that it does sound like her… and that she didn't like that fact. At all.
And so, she tries again.
If Naruto's the sun, then she would preferably be a star.
Because she, too, wants nothing more than to be light.
And to love him from afar.