When you think you're moving too fast and want to slow down is when you need to pay attention the most. What happens is, you see things for what they are and you gain insight without hindsight. Lately, I feel like I've been running at full speed and not chancing a look back to see who's still behind me. But why do I even feel like I'm being chased at all? It's more likely that I'm following someone else at this point. But when I reach the cliff, I'll keep running without stopping so that I don't hesitate when it comes time to jump off the edge.

Maya stood with her arms crossed in the fresh night air outside of the warehouse after shoving her phone back in her purse. The cool air made her more aware of just how drunk she was and leaned against a random car to steady herself a little bit.

Maya knew this is what would happen but she had come anyway and now, she faced the wrath of Paul. But she wasn't nervous, if anything she was annoyed, upset even. More and more, Maya was realizing that she wanted to be with Paul forever, if he chose her, but going on like this where every outing would be a fight wasn't an option. She planned to confront him, even if she did feel like she messed up a little this time.

After about five minutes, Maya was starting to get a little cold. The recent rainfall had cooled off the area and she was wearing next to nothing. Paul should be there any moment though, so she didn't dare go inside. Off to her left, Maya watched as three men walked out from the warehouse laughing and handing each other a cigarette. She moved around to the other side of the car just to stay a little more out of sight but it was too late. They'd seen her, and in their drunken state they belligerently shouted at her, making their way toward her like they knew her.

Maya kept her eyes on the dirt road hoping that they'd leave her alone but they approached her. One of the men, a tall blonde with half-lidded intoxicated eyes started to chat her up. Maya was a little too drunk to make a quick exit and so she just tried moving away from him.

"Hey, wait. Don't be like that," he said, clearly slurring as his friends behind him chuckled, taking long drags of their cigarettes. His hand grabbed her arm now a little to tightly and pulled her back toward him.

"Stop." Maya said firmly as she tried to jerk away.

"Come on, we were just talking," he said, his hand on her hair now, fiddling a strand between his fingers. "You're very pretty. Too pretty to be alone. Someone could do something," he said cryptically. Maya started to feel sick to her stomach. She tried to take another step away but his arm was still tight on her arm and he pulled her firmly now so that her back rested against the side of the car as he stood in front of her. "You don't like me." He said, his face too close to hers. She could smell the sickly sweet stench of too much alcohol on his breath. She turned her face away from his as he floated closer.

"Stop. Let go of me!" Maya said, her panic rising.

"Shh, shh shhh, don't be like that," he said, "We're just talking. Well...I'm talking," he laughed a little and his hand that was in her hair was on her face now, his thumb too rough on her chin, "We could have fun. Do you like to have fun?" his hand was moving down her face to her neck and he was clearly bleary eyed and out of control.

"Fuck off!" Maya tried to push him, but he pushed her back harder onto the car.

"HEY!" Maya heard a voice bellow from the clearing. And then, before she had a second to determine where the sound had come from, she heard a sickening crunch and the man who was hovering over her was now on the ground groaning in pain. Paul stood in front of her, his chest heaving and before Maya had a chance to take two solid breaths, the other two men who ahd had been looking on tried to grab Paul. He easily tossed them off, punching one in the gut and the other in the face.

Still not satisfied by the heap of groaning men, he jumped on the man who had held Maya against the car and began to pummel him. With each blow, his face became more bloodied and disfigured. Paul was a man possessed, his eyes wild. He was going to kill him if Maya didn't do something.

"Paul!" she screamed. But he continued to hit every possible surface of the man's face who was clearly unconscious now.

Suddenly, Seth skirts lithely around Maya and grabs Paul deftly around the shoulders hauling him off of the man.

"Paul, stop! You're gonna kill him." Seth said, more calm than Maya was expecting. He didn't let go of his hold on Paul who was struggling against Seth's grip.

He was all rage as he bellowed with a pointed finger at the man on the ground: "Don't ever touch her! If you fucking touch her again, I'll rip out your fucking throat. I'll fucking kill you!"

"Paul! Enough!" Seth said as Paul shook out of his grip and turned to Maya. His shoulders were moving up and down in labored breaths and his eyes were black with rage. He strode over to Maya and grabbed her hand roughly pulling her toward his car with a "Let's go."

Maya could feel the tremors wracking his body. She was momentarily afraid that he was going to phase and go back to finish the job. Paul yanked open the passenger door and Maya hopped in quickly as he slammed the door hard behind her. She winced. As Paul navigated them down the dirt road back toward the main road, Maya shook in the silence that followed. But once his headlights swept onto the safety of the concrete road leading them back to La Push, she tried to talk to him.

"Paul," she started softly, turning her head to look at him. He was stone faced, but she could see he was still furious, "I'm sorry. Sadie invited us and I wanted to go. I just...just wanted to go." Nothing. Silence, "Paul? Are you really not going to say anything?" Silence. "Paul!" she shouted at him now.

Teeth gritted, he jerked the car over to the side of the road causing Maya to brace herself against the window, wide eyed. He undid his seat belt and turned to her, his eyes frantic, furious, and black.

"Come here." he said, his voice low and commanding. Maya didn't dare disobey this look. She unclipped her seatbelt quickly and hurtled over the center console to straddle him. His hands on her were rough as he cinched up her miniskirt in a tight bunch around her hips, working quickly.

Maya unzipped his pants and pulled him out. Paul wasted now time before he thrust into her quickly and roughly, causing her to cry out. He pushed deep into her each time in hard, quick motions as Maya held on around his neck. Rain had started to fall in earnest on the car and the increased sound on the metal roof drowned out their panted breaths.

She could feel the tension in his shoulders, the frustration in the frown of his mouth, the look in his eye that was desperate and furious. His hands wrapped around her waist, gripping her tightly and slamming her down onto him with a force that felt entirely too good for how angry she knew he was.

Paul's pace was feverish and it felt like a reminder to her of some kind—that she was his. As he pounded into her and reached his climax inside of her, they collapsed onto one another in heavy breaths. Maya's hands wrapped around the back of his head and he pressed his forehead into her shoulder. When they leaned back to look at one another, still breathless, Maya said between labored breaths:

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Very," he replied, still trying to catch his. While his eyes had softened, Paul's voice was gruff with frustration. She could feel that the tension in his shoulders had melted away, but the anger still hung in the dampened air of the inside of the car.

"Okay," Maya conceded, leaning her forehead onto his as they both closed their eyes for a moment. His hands were still gripped tightly around her waist and when he finally loosened his hold on her, she hoisted herself off of him and plopped back down in the passenger seat trying to gather herself and straighten her skirt out.

Paul pulled back onto the road and drove them home in silence after that. Once home, he left the car quickly slamming the door behind him and Maya watched as he swung open the front door and disappeared inside without closing it behind him. She took a deep breath and then followed him in, closing the door behind her.

She found him in the kitchen warming up some leftovers and stood with her arms crossed against the kitchen table. Paul wouldn't turn to look at her. After a solid ten minutes of watching him eat leaning against the kitchen counter, Maya uncrossed her arms exasperated.

"Paul, I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?" she said desperately.

Paul took the last bite of his food and turned to wash the dish in the sink. "I don't need you to say anything and I don't have anything to say to you."

"Oh bullshit," Maya spat, putting a hand to her forehead now, "You're mad. Okay, I get it. I'm sorry. But I still get to go and do things, Paul."

Paul turned to face her now, his eerie calm was more frightening than when he was shuddering to keep his cool. "I asked you to do one thing, Maya. Don't leave the rez. And what did you do?"

"I left the rez," Maya replied, annoyed.

"So, what do you want me to say?" Paul said his arms crossed now.

"I don't know. Tell me you're mad, tell me I fucked up, tell me anything just not...whatever this is," Maya motioned to him. He shook his head.

"I yell, you don't listen. I ask you to do something, you do the opposite. It doesn't matter. You don't fucking listen to me. So I'm done." Paul said definitively.

"You're done?" Maya confirmed. She paused and looked down at her feet. When she looked back up at him there were tears in her eyes, "With me? You're done with me?" She suddenly felt like a toddler about to throw a tantrum. Paul gave a sigh and rubbed his eyes and then said slowly.

"No, Maya. I'm not 'done with you.' I will never be done with you. You're my imprint. Like I've told you a thousand times, you're it for me. So no, I'm not fucking done with you," the anger was starting to leak through the calm facade.

"So what are you done with?"

"I'm done trying to get you to listen to me. You've made it clear you don't care what I have to say or what I ask, so I'm—"

"That's not why I did this and you know it. I do listen to you." Maya interjected.

"No, you fucking don't!" Paul said, his voice rising. He was losing his sense of calm. But Maya much preferred this to the resigned, measured coldness from before. "I tell you what we're hunting, something that probably fucking wants you by the way, and I almost kill myself trying to keep you safe and the pack safe and you decide that whatever you fucking want is more important, Maya. Not what I need, not what the pack needs, what Maya needs. It's fucking selfish." He wasn't quite yelling, but his voice boomed across the kitchen. Maya was mad now, too.

"How dare you. I'm selfish all of the sudden?" Maya clenched her fists. "Me? I'm selfish. Okay, Paul." She scoffed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he shot back.

"Ever since you imprinted, my life has started and ended with you!" She shouted across the kitchen at him. He watched her carefully now, "Everything revolves around you! I have to tell you where I am all the time, vampires or not, I have to ask permission to go over to my best friend's house, or to go to Port Angeles, or to do anything that I want to do alone. I'm not used to that. I don't...want that. It's suffocating!" Paul was still watching her, the anger clear in his eyes but he was listening, "And then…" Maya looked at her feet, trying to hold back tears, "And then when I do ask you about stuff, you're a closed book. Or we just have sex and forget. You want to control every part of my life that you can, but it took you weeks to tell me what was going on with the pack. You never even told me that you were technically in charge."

"I'm trying not to—"

"Not to complicate this, I know!" she interjected, her eyes wide and frantic, "But Paul, when I ask you what's going on, I want you to tell me. I don't want you to treat me like some little kid you have to protect. I'm your girlfriend. And if you really mean forever, then that means I'm your partner. For life. I want you to treat me like that. And I want you to fucking trust me." Maya was amazed that she had delivered such a determined speech. The more she talked, the stronger her voice felt.

"I want to trust you, Maya," Paul said after a long pause, "It's hard though...I feel like whenever I pull, you push. Or when I ask you to stay, you run in the completely opposite direction. This isn't coming as easily as it does for everyone else and that...fucking scares me."

"But it all feels...one-sided. You get to make the rules and I just have to obey them. That's not a relationship, that's just control." Maya said, defeated. Tears were falling clearly from her eyes now.

"My," he said gently, taking a step toward her but she took a step back.

"Hold on," she said, trying to get herself together, taking deep breaths. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I went to this party tonight. I didn't tell you because I knew you would say no. I'm not sorry that I went though. I'm sorry I put you through the stress of finding out the way you did and then that guy—" Maya choked up on that part and she heard Paul make a sound in his throat that indicated he still wasn't over her being touched. "If we can't figure out a better way to do this...I don't know how this is going to work."

"Don't do this again." Paul interjected and Maya stopped him.

"I'm not breaking up with you. I'm saying that if this is the kind of relationship we're going to have, it won't work. So we need to figure it out because I don't plan on this being over anytime soon." Maya looked at him, fire in her eyes, fists still clenched. "I'm going to bed." She said suddenly exhausted and letting her hands relax. "Just..think about what I said." She said softly before turning and walking slowly up the stairs. She closed the door behind her and placed her back against it letting out a soft huff of air.

Somehow, Maya felt relieved. But in her relief, she also felt the overwhelming grief that came with fighting with someone you cared about. Her eyes lingered around the room and fell on the intricately detailed dresser that sat next to Paul's dresser. He had finished it for her.

Maya walked over to it and ran her hand across the buttery soft surface. The dresser pulls were gold suns, her name sake, and he had carved intricate winding patterns down the wood that reminded her of the Quillayute River. Her hand wound down the front of the dresser following the path of the carved river as tears fell in earnest now from her eyes.

She quickly turned to tear her eyes away from the dresser as she walked over to lock herself in the bathroom and take the longest, hottest, shower she could manage.

Maya woke the next morning to an empty bed. Paul had never come in last night and while she was sort of grateful for the space, the imprint made her ache to be near him. She leaned up, still groggy and rubbed her eyes.

Carefully opening the door to the hallway, she listened for any sound of him, but there was nothing. She walked down the stairs quietly and rounded the corner to the living room. Empty.

"Paul?" she called out tentatively. The ache in her grew and she realized that he wasn't here. Her eyes fluttered to the kitchen table where a piece of paper lay. Her heart hammered in her chest as she walked over and grabbed it.

My,

Gone to Seattle for work. I wanted to give you and me some space to think and figure this out. Michael has booked you a flight for Tuesday to come out here with me. Call him if you want it changed to sooner.

I love you so much Maya. And I heard you last night. I don't want this to feel one-sided or like you're being controlled, I want to try and make it better. You mean so much to me, so when you're ready, come to Seattle and we can talk about anything. The pack, us, anything you want.

-Paul

Maya breathed a sigh of relief at the letter. This felt good. This felt better. And even though the imprint in her ached to follow him immediately, the old Maya welcomed the space to get her head clear so she could come to him anew.

The next couple of days, Maya spent at home with her parents. She felt like since she and Paul had gotten together that they barely spent time together. Maya spent an entire day with her dad outside in the backyard fixing up his old shed and then helped her mom cook dinner for some elders in the community. This was the Maya she remembered and she was so glad she was still there.

But, despite getting back to basics with Paul away, Maya knew she was forever changed and she realized that she was ready for the next step if she was really going to dig into this life and make it work with Paul.

"Mom," Maya said over dinner a couple nights before she was meant to leave for Seattle. "Dad. Can I run something by you guys?" They perked up at her question.

"Of course, baby. What is it?" her mother replied. Maya stared at her dad and he nodded in confirmation.

"I'm...I'm gonna move in with Paul," she said sure and confident. Rish's eyes lit up with joy, but Maya kept her eyes on her dad. He was watching her carefully and Maya knew that there was some sadness there. "I think it's best to do it now, during the summer, so we can have as much time as possible together before I leave for Columbia. But...that doesn't mean I won't ever be over here. I'm just….ready," she sighed. And she was. Her dad looked at her for a long time before Rish said.

"Of course, honey. It seems the natural progression of things. Oh...I'm gonna miss you so much," Rish was up and wrapped her arms around Maya's head, tears in her eyes as she leaned down to kiss the top of her hair.

"You're sure about this?" her father asked.

"Tom!" Rish exclaimed, but Maya looked at her father serenely.

"Yes. I'm sure. I've thought about it a lot and I need to take this next step. He's it, dad." she said decisively. Tom nodded and with one final look of sadness, he smiled and said,

"Okay. Then we support you."

Maya beamed, "Thank you. That means a lot...really. I'm going to have some of the guys from Sam's group come and move some stuff tomorrow, but it's really just clothes and some books."

The next night, Maya was fitting the rest of her clothes into her new dresser and hanging her dresses in the closet. She threw her old throw blanket from her bed over Paul's bed—their bed— and smiled.

She had made this decision without him, but she knew he wanted this. He'd told her more than once. And this, she hoped, would be a good faith gesture to show him she was serious about their life together despite her leaving in the fall.

The next morning, she boarded a small biplane to Sea-Tac with the fancy leather weekender duffel bag that Paul had clearly purchased for her weeks ago. When she deplaned and made her way to the terminal, she was unsurprised but overwhelmed to see Paul, standing tall above the milling crowd with his hands in his pockets and smiling the biggest grin she had ever seen. She rushed toward him and threw her body at him, which he gladly caught. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as she pressed her lips to his, his hands easily holding her around the back. She fit well in his arms as if she was made for him. When she pulled back to look at him, he rubbed the tip of his nose against hers.

"Miss me?" he teased. She nodded enthusiastically before pressing her lips back onto his for a moment.

"I realized something." She said, still held in his arms. Her eyes bored into his and he looked at her curiously, "While you were away I mean," she said. He chuckled and didn't dare set her on the ground.

"What's that?" it felt like there was no one else around them, and Maya feeling everything like she was just feeling it for the first time put a hand to his cheek, and said:

"I love you." His smile faltered for only a second as shock washed over his face. A strangled sound of joy barely escaped his throat before his lips came crashing down onto hers again and Maya squealed. Her whole body exhaled at the admission and as he spun her around, she couldn't help but laugh. When he finally set her down, he said, joy painted clear on his face,

"I love you too," his face was elated and Maya never wanted that look to fade away. He whisked her away to his car, taking the bag from her shoulder and keeping her hand firmly in his. The rush of Seattle air washed over Maya as she rolled the window down.

They spent the afternoon in the loft above his studio reconnecting. Maya was thrilled to be under him as they made love, the look of claiming in his eyes echoing into her brain with each thrust. She had never felt more complete than he when he moaned out her name before coming between her legs, shuddering and holding her body tightly to his.

There was nothing but peace between them. Maya made it a point after their third time making love, as he rested his head on his bent arm above her, letting his hand wind down her slick with sweat body, to tell him that they still needed to talk about things. She smoothed the stern look on his brow and with a giggle said, "Oh come on, it won't be that hard."

"I'll tell you everything you want to know if you let me do that thing again," he said, mischief glimmering in his eyes. She burst into laughter, throwing her head back against the pillow and before she could even tell him yes, he quickly flipped her onto her stomach as she yelped in surprise.

Later that evening, Paul insisted on taking her out to dinner.

"It's almost your birthday," he said as Maya pulled the sheet around her naked body.

"Yeah, I know but we can just celebrate by ordering take out and you can just fuck me on your workbench," she waggled her eyebrows at him. He leaned down to kiss her forehead as he buttoned his pants.

"Such a lady," he laughed. Maya huffed as he put his shirt on and beckoned her out of bed. She threw on a fitted t-shirt dress and threw on some boots.

"Nothing fancy," Maya said as she quickly brushed out her disheveled hair. She pulled on some underwear and Paul took the chance to slap her exposed ass as she shimmied into the dark blue thong.

"Right," he said. "Come on," he held his hand out to her and she took it with a smile.

They ended up eating down by the pier, facing the water and tucking in over some po'boys and fries. The warm lamplight spilled over the high-top and dripping hyacinths hanging from planters. Maya brushed her hands together to clear crumbs and looked at Paul. Her leg was propped up on his lap and every so often Paul looked down and to his left.

"What are you so jittery about?" Maya called him out. She could feel the nervous energy pouring off of him. "What?" she said when he looked at her seriously.

"Don't freak out," he said. Maya's eyes widened momentarily and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

"What?" her eyes were glued to him as he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a velvet box, setting it down next to her basket of fries. "Paul." she gasped.

"It's not what you think," he said when he saw her go tense. "This is just me saying...I'm in this with you forever. It's a promise of all of the things we've yet to talk about, but I'm preemptively saying yes to it all with this."

Maya looked at the box now, her heart thumping so loud she knew he could hear it. "A promise?" she breathed.

"A gesture. Open it," he almost begged. Maya's trembling fingers reached for the box and when she popped it open a simple ring lay within. The band glittered with alternating diamonds and small delicate raw pearls. The gold laced around the stones evenly and she took a deep breath.

"A gesture." she said, looking back up at him.

"It doesn't fit on your ring finger for a reason," he said as he took the ring from the box and fit it neatly onto her middle finger on her right hand. "It's a promise of things to come." He looked at her now, waiting nervously for a response.

She stared at the ring as it glittered on her hand. A promise. She looked up at him now, her eyes brimmed with tears as she said, "I love it. I love you. Thank you," she breathed before leaning in ecstatic to kiss him. He kissed her back eagerly resting his hand gently on her neck. "Wow." she breathed when they parted.

"Wow." he said, staring at her in the warm light.

As she lay in bed that night beside him wearing nothing but the ring, the soft lull of his breath a welcome sound, she held her hand above her head, staring at it. Though they often thought they were out of sync, Maya and Paul seemed to know what the other needed just at the time they needed it most.

And as the soft moonlight filtered across their bodies, Maya gently took the ring off of her middle finger and placed it gingerly on her left ring finger, just to see what it looked like, what it felt like. A wide smile stretched across her face in recognition as she brought her hand to her chest now.