We're broken until we're not. We're healed until we get into another scrape. And we're upright until we get knocked down. But in my whole 19 years of life, I've never smelled earth as much as this. As I try to pull myself up, I find that I stumble and then we're nose to ground again. Mistake after mistake, hit after hit. And soon the ground becomes my dearest friend.
When Maya woke up the next morning, Paul was already up and putting on his clothes for the day. When he planned on having a day in his workshop, he donned some light wash, dusty jeans covered in wood stain and an equally stained t-shirt. When Maya leaned up to look at him, his back to her as he sat at the bottom edge of the bed and putting on his work boots, she glanced quickly toward the nightstand. His phone was gone which meant he had probably checked it this morning. Maya held her breath, her anxiety rising as she waited for him to turn around and look at her.
"Hey," she said quietly, sleep still thick in her voice. He finished tying his laces before standing and getting up to come over and sit next to her on the bed. He cupped her face in both of his hands and Maya felt her heartbeat spike. His eyes were warm, knowing and as he leaned down to kiss her, Maya arched her body up into him trying to fill the silence with her body's response. When he pulled back from the kiss a little too soon, he watched her for a moment before a smile cracked across his face.
"Good morning," he said. Maya searched his eyes frantically. She seriously considered just owning up to checking his phone last night and seeing the message from Rachel now, but something in her made her pause. Paul held her face in his hands for a moment longer, his thumb stroking across her cheek as he looked at every inch of her face lovingly. She brought her hand up to wrap around his wrist and hold it tightly before he let her go and stood up.
"I have to finish up some things in my workshop today and then I have a consult with the Tidems this afternoon. Do you think you could stay out of trouble until we leave for La Push tonight?" His back was to her now as he walked toward the bathroom. Maya was thrown—did he know? Was he playing it cool? Was he planning on seeing Rachel? She moved out from under the sheets to walk on her knees across the bed before coming to sit back on them with her feet tucked underneath her.
"I always stay out of trouble," Maya said tentatively, knowing even as she said it that the ache was clear in her voice. Paul laughed from within the bathroom as he rubbed some aftershave across his freshly shaven chin. Maya frowned instinctually.
"You are the definition of trouble to me, Maya Sun," he said warmly. When he walked toward her, Maya perked up and lifted up onto her knees to make it easier for him to lean down and reach her face. She suddenly felt the aching need to feel his touch and be reassured by his kiss that whatever he planned to do today, he'd tell her. He gave her an achingly sweet smile before leaning down and kissing her firmly on the mouth. Maya wrapped her arms up around him to push her body against him, her nipples pressing hard through her t-shirt. Paul gave a grunt before ending the kiss again too soon and pulled back to look at her, his hands placed firmly on her waist.
"See what I mean? Trouble," his eyes twinkled with unfulfilled mischief, "I really do need to get some stuff done today before we leave. And as much as I love your distractions and fucking you on my workbench, can you do me a huge favor and make yourself a little scarce today?" Maya's stomach panged with anxiety at the request and the imprint willed him closer. His face turned into a grimace as he felt it too. He put a hand on her cheek reassuringly, "Please, My?" he said gently.
She looked up at him now with concern, the text message from Rachel boring a hole in her head now. She took a deep breath and then nodded, replacing the worried look with a small smile.
"Yeah, no sweat." she confirmed as he dropped his hand.
"Thank you," he said, turning toward the staircase.
"But Paul?" she interjected. He turned to meet her gaze, one foot down the stairs already, "Don't think I've forgotten." His face twitched in recognition of something Maya couldn't place, "We still have a lot to talk about." she finished. His face fell in obvious relief and he nodded.
"I know." he said simply before descending the stairs. When he was gone and she heard his music switch on down in the open workshop space, she threw her body back onto the bed in a huff, trying to banish the gnawing feeling growing there. After a couple of moments fiddling with the hem of her shirt, Maya pulled herself out of bed and disappeared into the shower to try and wash away the aching feeling that wouldn't leave her alone.
She kissed Paul goodbye after he turned off his table saw and looked over her appreciatively. She wore dark ripped jeans and a cropped white top that tied at the shoulders. She pulled her hair up into a soft, flowing ponytail and finished with some simple white Keds. The ring glittered on her left hand even in the filtered light of the workshop. Paul placed his knuckle gently under her chin and pulled her in for another kiss, letting his lips hover over hers before he said,
"Check in later when you can," Maya grinned at the softer tone he was trying to take at the obvious need to know where she was.
"Okay," she said softly, looking up at him through her lashes. Part of her was hoping that he would crumble and take her instead, the need pulsing between her thighs all of the sudden. Paul swallowed hard, exercising outward restraint as he chuckled and brushed the tip of his nose against hers.
"Okay. I love you. Thank you," he said gently before stepping back and refitting the glove over his hand.
"Love you too," Maya returned before giving him a short wave and skipping toward the door, feeling Paul's eyes follow her the whole way.
Now out in the low light of the morning, Maya had no idea what to do with her time alone in the city. She looked back over her shoulder at the workshop behind the closed door now and let out a sight. Be careful what you wish for, I guess. She thought to herself.
Maya spent the rest of the morning in downtown Seattle winding in and out of bookstores, coffee shops, and clothing boutiques. Paul called her just after 1 p.m. when she had stumbled into an Apple store and was playing around with the laptops. She knew she needed one before she left for college and had been getting by on her dad's hand-me-down laptop he'd scored from work a long time ago. Maybe she could take up a job at Clearwater Coffee for the summer and save for stuff she needed for college.
"Hey, babe." she said with a tone of distraction in her voice as she thumbed through the features of a Macbook Pro.
"Hey, where are you?" he said curiously, picking up on the tone in her voice.
"I'm just looking at laptops. I'm going to need one for college eventually." she said dismissively.
"Do you have your black card with you?" he said easily.
"Hmm?" Maya said, taken off guard.
"Just put it on your card, My." He said with an air of casualness that she still wasn't used to.
"Paul, I'm not putting a $3,000 laptop on your card." Her voice was laced with baffled amusement.
"Uhh, it's not my card, it's your card," he countered.
"A black card with my name on it that's linked to your account. It may be my card but it's your money. No. No way, Paul," she said firmly. There was a long pause on the other end and Maya stepped back from the computer rolling her eyes before saying, "You're going to buy me one anyway aren't you?"
"Yup," he said quickly. Maya groaned. "So just make it easy on me and buy the one you want now."
"Jesus christ, Paul," she said, thoroughly annoyed, giving the sales attendant a tight smile who was hovering near her now.
"Ah, okay, so I'm heading out for that consult. I'll bring some takeout home tonight because we fly out early tomorrow morning. Sound good?"
"Okay, what time will you be back though?" Maya's mind jumped to Rachel's text message about the Charlotte bar. Was he going to meet her there after like she had asked?
"I'm not sure. These consults can kind of go on and on if they have a lot of questions or specifications. I'll be back by 7 at the latest." He said. "Okay?" Maya was quiet, biting her lip and shifting from foot to foot.
"Yeah, okay, see you then." she said too quickly.
"My?" he asked. Of course he could pick up on the anxiety in her voice quickly. She had to get better at that.
"I'm okay," she said too quickly again. She took a deep breath to bring herself down, "This sales guy is just trying to get my attention. He heard me say black card and now all hell's broken loose. I'll see you tonight!" she said easily before hanging up. "Fuck." she said under her breath. Not as cool as she would have liked to play it.
"Can I help you find something?" the sales attendant was at her side now and Maya pushed a smile onto her face.
A few hours later, Maya found herself tucked into a corner of a coffee shop on her new laptop. Of her newly opened tabs on her browser, there was searching for dorm room ideas, accommodations for visitors to Columbia University, best spots to eat in NYC, and search after search for Charlotte bar in Seattle.
Unfortunately, for Maya, nothing came up. After another fruitless search of local bars in the area that she thought might have some sort of inside joke regarding Charlotte's Web or Charlotte from Sex in the City, she placed her forehead on her keyboard.
Maya was getting increasingly anxious that he was meeting up with Rachel. Then, she had a stroke of genius—Michael. She reached for her phone and navigated to his number. Her finger hesitated over the call button as she weighed her options. If she called Michael, there was no way he wouldn't tell Paul. And what if he wasn't even meeting up with Rachel? Then he'd know that Maya had read his texts and didn't come to him.
Then again, he hadn't been entirely forthcoming with much information before this. She had already blown her cover when she asked him about them dating after the whiskey bar and he'd been less than eager to elaborate. Maya bit her lip and then pressed call. After a few rings a chipper voice answered on the other end.
"Miss Sunriviere, so nice to hear from you! What can I do for you?" Michael said professionally. Maya knew she'd have to gain his trust.
"Oh my goodness, Michael, please. Call me Maya. I'm not that important," Maya let out a soft laugh.
"I beg to differ. Paul made it very clear how important you are. But if you prefer, I'll call you Maya. What can I do for you Maya?" he said.
"I'm supposed to be meeting Paul for dinner and I think he's meeting someone at a "Charlotte" bar? I'm not sure, but I wanted to find a place close to where he was meeting them so that he could just walk over. Do you know where that bar would be?" Maya said with genuine curiosity, hoping it would sell her casual air.
"Ahh, what bar is it?" he said.
"I don't know. He said it was the Charlotte bar?" Maya hesitated as silence rang through on the other end. Was he catching on? "I think he was meeting Rachel…" she said dismissively.
"Oh! The Scarlet bar!" he said suddenly.
"Yes!" Maya said pretending to have an epiphany. "Gosh, I knew I got that mixed up."
"Yeah, I'll send you the directions for it. It shouldn't be too far from the workshop. They usually grab drinks there when he's in town," Michael replied. Maya bristled at this. She wanted to ask for more details, but something in her stopped her. Her and Michael weren't that close yet and if she wanted to keep this line of communication open, she'd need to play her cards right.
"Thank you so much Michael, you're such a help." She said happily.
"No problem!" he said before they disconnected.
An address with directions attached popped up on her phone. Maya held her breath. Was she really going to do this? A part of her thought she should just text him now, get it over with, who cares if he knew she read his texts? He was the one who said he had nothing to hide anyway.
But still, Maya was paralyzed. She packed up her laptop and navigated her way to the bar, hoping that Paul wouldn't even be there. It had started to rain lightly as she made her way down the busy street toward the bar. When she reached it, she faced the big broad windows that faced the street and looked in. Out on the street amongst the bustling traffic, she wouldn't be noticed if she went into the cozy, dimly lit bar. There were large sofas piled around the room, overflowing with smiling patrons. Her eyes skimmed the room and a feeling of relief washed through her when she didn't spot Paul.
Just as she was about to pull out her phone to text him and tell him that she loved him because she felt so silly, something caught her eye. A glittering bracelet flashed from a dimly lit corner of the bar pushed in the far back away from the front window. Maya squinted. She could make out the figure of Rachel on the couch, her feet tucked up underneath her, head resting against her hand that was propped up by her elbow. She was smiling her big broad grin at the person sitting next to her on the couch.
Maya instantly recognized the broad shoulders and mop of pushed back dark hair. His back was to the window and they probably couldn't even see her from their place in the back of the bar. Maya watched carefully from the window, careful to keep her body turned and her face mostly hidden as she peered in through the slowly fogging window.
Paul was sitting next to Rachel on the couch but she was leaning in toward him. He had his body turned toward her on the couch but his legs were widely crossed so that she couldn't make too much contact with him other than an incidental touch on the arm or the knee. Every once in a while, Rachel would laugh, or nod her head with an overwhelmingly beautiful smile. Maya didn't know how long she stood there and watched them through the window but at one point she was drenched through by the light rain and decided to pull her phone out. She knew she couldn't just stand there all night, at some point Paul would leave.
She opened up a message to Paul and typed a quick message:
M: Hey, where are you? Innocent enough, she thought. Then she turned back to the window and waited. Paul felt his phone vibrate immediately as he dug it out of his front pocket and looked at the screen. Maya held her breath. What if he didn't answer?
After a second, he stood up, clearly excusing himself and walked to the other side of the bar. Maya pressed her body up against the cement pillar that acted as a divider between the two wide windows in an attempt to conceal herself a little more. Once he was at the bar, he raised his two fingers to the bartender signaling for another drink and opened his phone. She didn't know what he was doing, but he stared down at the screen for a long time.
Then she saw him typing. She glanced down at her screen seeing the three little dots pop up. And then,
Paul: I'm wrapping up with the Tidems consult. I'll be back in an hour.
Maya stared down at the message and then watched as Paul grabbed his drink, turned away from the bar sipping it easily and made his way across the room to sit down next to Rachel again who immediately started up talking again.
Maya couldn't even believe what was happening. She had just watched the man she loved lie to her in real time. He wasn't with the Tidems, he was with Rachel in this bar. And what's more, he bought himself more time to spend time alone with her in this bar with that text. A sharp pain pulsed in Maya's stomach and twisted into a tight knot. She was having trouble pulling in full breaths and realized soon enough that tears were staining her cheeks. But she wasn't sad. Quite the opposite. Maya was furious.
She glared at Rachel through the window, her heart hammering and clenching uncomfortably in her chest as she watched this woman, this gorgeous, strong successful woman, drop her hand casually on her boyfriend's forearm. Paul moved his arm carefully aside to break the connection but it did nothing for the pain Maya felt radiating within her as she stared down at the text message that was a lie.
At some point, Maya knew she would have to head back to the loft and decide whether to confront Paul or not. A part of Maya wanted to run as far away from this place as she could. She knew if she called Michael, he could book her flight back tonight but she didn't trust him to be discreet. He'd sound the alarm and Paul would come after her. If Maya went anywhere, Paul would follow—she knew that.
So it seemed like her only option was either to confront him or see this through. With the heat of her anger fresh in her veins, she was leaning toward confronting him. In fact, she thought about storming through the front door of the Scarlet bar, marching back to the couch where they sat and throwing a drink in Rachel's face or Paul's face or both. The fantasy was short lived though as the anger slowly began to ebb from her body. Anger was never sustainable. And instead, it was replaced by the crippling insecurity that Maya had felt since the moment she met Rachel.
Once again, Maya felt that the imprint was the only thing calling the shots in this relationship. If it wasn't for the imprint, Paul would probably be with Rachel and Maya would be happily single and heading to college in the fall without incident. But since she had been giving herself over to the weight of the imprint, letting herself fall deeper in love with Paul and let the feeling of their bond saturate the intensity of their relationship, things had become more real for her. That didn't matter now though as Maya saw the obvious alternative in front of her. Whatever Paul tried to tell her, he was shackled by the imprint too. It made them want each other for no other reason than that they were spiritually bonded to one another. If that didn't exist, neither would this relationship. This realization broke Maya's heart because now her love went beyond the imprint and she felt lost in this well of new emotion.
Maya was so caught up in the shock and pain of what had just happened that she didn't see Rachel get up and move across to the bar. As Rachel grabbed her drink and turned back to walk over to the couch, her eyes scanned across the room and lingered for just a moment too long on the windows facing the street. She was caught. Rachel's eyes rested on the rain drenched figure of Maya pressed up against the cement pillar, eyes red with tears.
And as their gazes connected, Maya well and truly upset now, Rachel's face pulled into a smug smile as she took a sip from her drink and resumed her path back to the couch. When she approached Paul, she ran her hand around his shoulders before she plopped back down. Then she leaned in, over his crossed legs as if he was going to tell him something and instead, dropped a hand over his knee that crept a little ways up his thigh.
Maya was bound to burst if she stayed and so, with one final furious look in her direction, she turned on her heel and bolted down the street back toward Paul's workshop.
When she banged her way through the door, she quickly ran upstairs and let out a startling loud frustrated scream. Whoever this person was, Maya no longer recognized. Why?! Why would he lie? She screamed in her head as she peeled off her rain soaked clothes and made her way toward the bathroom. It made no sense for him to lie unless he was actually hiding something. But that just didn't seem like Paul.
Maya turned on the handle to warm up the shower and threw her phone on the bed. She wondered if Rachel had already told her that Maya had seen them and he was on his way home to explain. She really didn't think she could hear whatever it was he had to say right now. As she let the warm water rinse over her and soothe her muscles, Maya tried to relax. Her anger came in waves, but she could never hold onto it for very long.
She stayed in the shower a long time washing her hair multiple times and getting lost in thought of how to talk to Paul when he came home. By the time she stepped out of the shower, she heard the door shut downstairs. But her mind was made up. She wrapped a towel tightly around her body and combed her hair before stepping out into the bedroom, the massive amount of steam that she had built up in the bathroom billowed out around her.
Paul was changing out of his rainy clothes, the takeout set on the bed. "Hey!" he said almost in relief. Maya watched him for a half second before she quirked her mouth up in a smile at him.
"Hey!" she said sweetly. "Smells good. Chinese?"
"Yeah, there's a great place right down the way." He said as he pulled on a clean shirt and strode over to her. He leaned down to plant a soft kiss to her lips. Maya returned the kiss but pulled away a little sooner than she normally would. Maybe Rachel didn't tell him—interesting. "How was today?" he said, running a hand over her wet hair. Maya gave him another half smile and moved away from his grasp to put on some clothes.
"Really good. Just went to some bookstores and coffee shops," She pulled on her sleep shorts and a tank top without letting her towel fall. Something about being naked in front of him right now didn't feel right. She hoped he wouldn't notice. Maya quickly got onto the bed and started opening the containers.
"How was the consultation?" She said in a disinterested voice. Paul was in the bathroom toweling off his wet hair and as he strode out to answer her, Maya couldn't help but be overwhelmed by how gorgeous he looked. Even as she felt everything crumbling around her, she was still so in love with him and it scared the absolute shit out of her.
Maya felt like she was dangling over a cliff for the first time with no choice but to drop. Before she would have willingly hurdled over the edge into the unknown, but now that she had so much waiting behind her on the cliffs, she didn't feel like jumping.
"It was good. I think we came to a good plan of what they want. It's going to take months though," he scoffed. He sat on the edge of the bed next to her picking a dumpling from the container and popping it into his mouth.
"What are you even building for them?" Maya said confused.
"Oh! I thought I told you," he said suddenly. That was probably your other girlfriend, the voice in Maya's head quipped angrily, "It's a custom bar for their front room in mango wood. It's going to be nuts." Clear joy painted his face as he talked about something he loved to do and Maya felt herself warm to it involuntarily. Stupid imprint she thought bitterly. But the thought just made her feel worse.
They finished their dinner and Maya jumped off the bed to brush her teeth before getting under the covers and turning her back toward Paul's side of the bed. If she could just make it through tonight and get home tomorrow, then she'd have a moment to relax and really think things through.
For now, though, she planned on letting this play out. She no longer felt like she could trust Paul and she knew she couldn't trust Rachel as far as she could throw her. Maya felt truly alone in this moment. As Paul crawled into bed behind her and shimmied up to her back, Maya felt the pang of pain pull through her again. How was she going to do this? Paul wrapped an arm around her stomach and pulled her close to him. When Maya physically flinched, Paul startled and leaned up over her.
"Are you okay?" he said concerned as he ran a hand down her arm. It was dark in the room so he couldn't see her face but Maya kept her voice and face void of emotion as much as she was able to.
"Yeah, my stomach just hurts a little," she lied.
"Oh," he said softly. "Do you need me to get you anything?"
"No, I'm fine, I'm just going to go to sleep," she shimmied down deeper in the covers and Paul watched her for a moment before he leaned down and gently kissed her shoulder.
"Okay," he said as he laid next to her but still gave her enough space. Maya swallowed the choking sensation of a sob trying to claw its way up her throat.
When they got back to La Push, Maya asked if he could drop her off at home. He agreed and when she kissed him goodbye, he wrapped a hand behind her head to hold her to him for a little bit longer. Maya pulled back before she felt herself starting to lose it and she could see the worry clear in his eyes.
Fuck.
"Maya," Paul started. But it was too late. She had already turned out of his grip and had her bag slung over her shoulder as she ran up her driveway shouting
"Love you!"
Once behind her closed front door, Maya let out a long breath and tried to force the tears back behind her lids.
"My? Sweetie is that you?" She heard her mother call from the kitchen.
"Yeah it's me!" Maya called back but her voice betrayed her wobbling some in the release of emotion. Her mother didn't quite pick up on it though and squealed as she came down the hall toward her. For a moment, Maya let herself relax completely into her mother's embrace and willed life to be simple again.
The next morning she woke up to a text from Paul.
Paul: What time are you coming by today?
Maya stared at the text message for far too long cuddled up in her bed. Her room at her parent's house was mostly unchanged since she really didn't take a lot of stuff with her when she moved into Paul's house except clothes.
While she hadn't forgotten that she had moved into his place, she hoped he didn't realize right away that most of her stuff filled his closet now. Maybe he thought she just went shopping a bit and was living equally between the spaces.
She didn't know how to answer his text, so instead, she lied...again.
Maya: Can't today. I'm meeting Keye for lunch and then we're heading to Port Angeles to catch a movie later.
Maya had no intention of leaving her bed today. She held her breath as she saw the little dots appear and disappear then appear again as Paul formulated a response. Finally, after far too long he replied:
P: Okay, text me when you're on your way to Port Angeles.
M: Okay.
Maya turned off her phone and rolled over to fall back asleep. When she woke up next it was late afternoon and she didn't bother turning her phone back on. Instead, she took a too long shower, pulled on some old jeans and a paint covered t-shirt and walked down to her father's tool shed that they had recently repaired. She pulled out some old painting supplies and hauled them back up to her room before setting to work in an old painting notebook.
It was dark the next time Maya looked up. What was happening? Time kept slipping away as she found herself lost in reveries of her and Paul in their happiest moments. She'd find herself thinking back to moments where they'd had a particularly fulfilling release during sex where Maya saw their whole life laid out before them like a movie and then she'd have to stop herself. The pain of it would come crashing in on her and she wasn't ready to confront that yet.
Throughout the afternoon and evening, Rish has stopped in to drop off food and found it untouched each time she came to check on Maya. Around 10 p.m., Maya turned on her phone and was unsurprised to see the volley of texts from Paul waiting for her.
P: Are you sure you don't want to come over for just a little bit?
P: What time is the movie? I can drive you.
P: Maya, where are you?
P: I know you're not hanging out with Keye. Where are you?
P: Maya please. This communication thing doesn't work if you don't answer me.
Maya laughed out loud. What communication? She'd still never gotten to talk to him in Seattle. Did he think she'd just forgotten?
"Bullshit." Maya said as she read over the texts again. And then her phone lit up with an incoming call from Paul. She gave herself a sick exhausted smile in the mirror by her bed before she answered.
"Hello?" she said calmly.
"My!" She could hear the relief in his voice. "Fuck, baby where have you been I've been trying to reach you! You said you were going to a movie."
"Oh. Sorry, I lost track of time." Not a lie.
"Where are you?" He asked for the millionth time.
"Uhh at home, where are you?" she said, turning back to her painting. She had filled half the notebook at this point.
"Home. With all of your stuff," he said matter-of-factly. Ah, so he did notice, she thought. When she didn't answer, he continued, "Why didn't you tell me that you were moving in?" He sounded somewhat happy about it with a tinge of worry.
Why didn't you tell me you were with Rachel doing fuck all? She spat back in her head. She cringed at the angry voice in her head.
"Uhhh, I don't know it was supposed to be a surprise I guess. So...surprise," she said deflated.
"My, what's going on? What's wrong?" His voice was turning from one of worry to one of irritation.
"Nothing. I'm just in the middle of something. Can I call you back?" Maya stared at the painting in front of her that she had completed in almost a trance.
"Don't do this. Don't act like this. Tell me what's going on," his frustration was building. Maya didn't have the energy to talk about anything just then and instead she said quickly.
"Paul, I'm just a little distracted. Let me call you back tomorrow, maybe." she said as she pulled the phone away from her ear.
"My!" she heard him yell before she disconnected the line. The imprint in her screamed and Maya doubled over in pain. Damned if she did, damned if she didn't. What a sick unpoetic turn of events.
Her phone lit up right away with another call from him, but she ignored it. She knew she shouldn't and she really didn't want to, but a part of her just needed space. Just for a little bit. Maya picked up the notebook and looked at her most recent painting. It was the wolf from her dreams and he was walking into the darkened woods away from her without a glance over his shoulder. Maya laid her head down on her desk and closed her eyes, not entirely tired but no longer wanting to be awake.
The next day, Maya didn't bother charging her phone to turn it back on. She decided that she would go over to Paul's tomorrow with a clear plan of action to confront him. But everything in her felt like things were ending. She only found small reassurance in the face that the imprint wouldn't let her end things, but still it wasn't enough to pull the pain away.
As she walked down the length of the side of her house to the trashcans to take out the trash for her mother, Maya heard a rustling to her left just beyond the trees. Her eyes tiredly scanned the treeline but she saw nothing hidden there that she could see.
Maya spent the rest of the day with her parents, floating through the day in temporary moments of relief where her mother or father guided the conversation or talked about college with her. Before she went to bed, she plugged her phone in and braced herself for the onslaught of messages from Paul demanding that she come to him at once.
But surprisingly, there were none. Maya raised her eyebrows in surprise at the obvious restraint. This was very unlike the Paul she knew, but then again, the Paul she thought she knew didn't really exist after she found him in that bar with Rachel.
When she woke up the next morning, Maya donned a pair of cotton shorts, a dark tank top, and a light knit cardigan. She pulled on her shoes and headed out of the front door, not bothering to brush her hair or wash her face. She just wanted to get this over with.
She trudged the thirty minutes down the beach to his house, all the while flickers of movement bounced around just inside the treeline that skirted along and above the beach. Maya entered the house through the back door and when she slid it closed behind her, she heard Paul come crashing down the stairs. He looked disheveled, exhausted, and frantic. His face was hard stone and she could tell that while he was relieved she came, he was still annoyed with her.
As he got closer, Maya felt the familiar uptick of her heartbeat in her chest and attributed that to the imprint response.
"Sit." he said firmly as he walked past her and started pacing in the kitchen. Maya crossed her arms and stayed standing. When he looked over at her he let out a hollow laugh and came to a stop. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"
Maya just stared at him, allowing the numbness that the walk over afforded her to saturate her bones and keep her still.
"You're mad because we didn't talk in Seattle? Then let's talk," he said. Maya's eyes darted around his face, but her lips were turned in a frown. He didn't know what he did to her. "My!" he said sharply crossing the room and lifting his hands to bring around her face. "Talk to me. What happened?!" His eyes searched her face but Maya clamped down around her pain.
"Let go please," she said, tugging at his hands on her face.
"No! Not until you tell me what's wrong," he brought his face down to meet hers and stared seriously into her eyes. "Why did you lie to me the other day?" It wasn't an accusation, it was just a genuine question. But Maya felt her resolve crumbling as her lower lip started to shake. Her brows knit in a firm line across her forehead as she said after a beat:
"Fuck you." her voice was venom. Paul's eyes widened in shock as he leaned back. Tears were brimming in her eyes now but she was all spitting fire. It was now or never.
"Start talking," he said through clenched teeth, still not letting go of her face. Maya was boiling.
"I said, fuck you!" she almost screamed. "You lied to me first you fucking dick!" she was yanking at his wrists now but his hands stayed in place until he chose to drop them.
"What?!" he said, genuinely confused. "Maya what are you talking—"
"I fucking saw you! In the Scarlet bar with Rachel! You lied to me first!" Maya was losing it. Tears were flowing freely down her face now and she felt her knees wobble underneath her.
"Is that what this is about?" he said. Maya rolled her eyes and took a step toward him, pushing against his chest. He was as unmovable as stone.
"I texted you and asked you where you were and you fucking lied. I watched you at the bar. You did it so easy too. You're a fucking liar." Maya could hardly see through her lashes now. "You know that she's still into you right? She told me in that whiskey bar that you were seeing each other after you imprinted...that you didn't believe it. That you wanted to imprint on her instead." Her hands pounded against his chest to emphasize her words but they didn't phase him. He was watching her steadily, his mouth agape as realization suddenly dawned on him. "You lied about that and you lied about being at the Scarlet bar with her. People don't do that when they love someone. I….would never lie to you like that and you just….did it so easy to me," Maya faltered for a moment, her sadness overwhelming her as she sobbed in front of him. He didn't move to touch her yet.
"So FUCK YOU!" The anger came roaring back. Maya didn't feel right and she lunged toward him connecting her fists against his chest and arms as she shouted now, "You lying sack of shit. You liar. Liar. LIAR," she gasped for breath and Paul finally caught her wrists in his hands. She tried to pull them out of his grasp to no avail and she crumbled at the realization that she would never be able to get away from him, even if she hated him, even if she never wanted to see him again, even if he did the unthinkable. This was it. "Let go of me!" she screamed. But he pulled her closer. Holding both of her wrists in one of his hands, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against him. She protested, yanking back but didn't get very far and as the tears overtook her again, they both sank to the floor.
She leaned into his chest and sobbed as he gently stroked her hair. How did it get to this? She wondered.
After a long moment, he let her hands go and pulled her face up to look at him. He fixed her with an unreadable stare but the longer Maya looked at him the more she saw the pain and hurt fixed on his face.
"You're right," he said softly. Maya sucked in a sharp breath, "I lied to you. I'm so sorry, Maya. I should have told you where I was. Before you, things with Rachel were complicated and when the imprint happened, I didn't know how to handle it. None of that is your fault and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied. But My," his eyes traveled around her face and he pressed his forehead to hers. "There is no one else but you. Only you. I love you with my whole ass," he stuttered. Maya choked out a laugh and was annoyed that he was able to still pull that sound from her. "I'm so sorry, My. I won't ever do that again. I love you so much. Please," he pleaded.
"Why is this so fucking hard?" Maya said, her voice a tangled mess of pain. Paul grimaced and tugged her closer in response.
"I don't know."
"We're not very good at this. You see that right?" Maya said seriously.
"Don't say that." He shot back a little too forcefully. Maya leaned up and he dropped his hand from under her chin. "Don't, Maya."
"Paul. All we're good at is sex. That's the only time I feel like...I stand a chance with you," Maya hadn't fully felt this realization before but now that it was out there, the pain of it washed over her.
"No. That's not fucking true. We're so much more than that. Don't diminish what we have because I fucked up." he pleaded. His eyes were rimming red. Maya shook her head. "We're very good at sex that's true. But you're my life now, Maya. That promise," he motioned down to the ring still resting on her middle finger. She had never even thought to take it off. "It still means everything that I have planned for us, want for us. I want you. I want all of it." Maya dropped her eyes to his chest, the tears falling freely and dampening his shirt.
"My, look at me." She brought her eyes up to his face. He cupped her cheek and stroked away the tear that fell there with his thumb. "Don't give up on us now. Things were just getting good." Maya let out a sob mingled with a laugh and nodded. The imprint beckoned her closer and she collapsed against his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.
In his arms she always felt safe, so why didn't she feel relief in this moment with him? Why were things so hard? Why couldn't they just be irrevocably in love like Sadie and Seth? What if the ancestors had made a mistake? Maya shook that thought away from her mind quickly. She was meant to be with Paul, that was true, but their path never seemed easy.
"Come on," he said, pulling her to her feet. "Let's go to bed and if you feel like talking we can talk or whatever. Just let me make this right." He leaned down and softly kissed the tip of her nose. Maya nodded, exhausted and when he pulled her into a tight hug, she rested her head on his shoulder.
On the counter, his phone lit up with a new text and Maya tightened her grip around him as she squeezed her eyes shut.