Chapter 3: What's The Matter With You?

"Disgusting."

No response, just tears, tears, tears; little dribbles of broken glass plop, plop, plopping on her face. His hands are off her neck but are draped across her upper chest and shoulders, weights that put pressure on a recovering body and leave her wanting to throw him off and into the vile sea she can hear just out of reach. But as she glances at him, her one good eye observing the diminished creature on top of her, she knows there is no way she can do that.

Not after everything she saw and experienced.

He is no animal fuelled by desire or rage here. No, here he just a frightened boy who she loved once, a boy who did everything wrong, and who she was wrong about. Here at the end of the world, after the intimacy of Instrumentality, and with the calcified statues of monsters watching them, he seems so small, so tiny and broken.

She had touched his cheek, desperate to connect in a way that was real and not the illusion of the red ocean. There she had been nothing and everything, and he had been nothing and everything, and none of it had mattered and everything felt peaceful – a rotting, diseased peace that strangled the life out of them both.

Here she can touch him and know him as much as she wants, as much as he wants, with the ambiguity of their desires making each connection more meaningful and stronger than any melding in that false reality could ever hope to be. It hurts, not knowing what he is thinking and the isolation that exists because of it, but the sweetness of knowing it is the truth and not a fantasy around her means that this can only have been the right choice.

He is silently shaking on top of her, though whether it is from the cold night air or from his sobbing she can't tell. His head is against her stomach, and she reaches down and touches his hair – crusty with LCL and prickly, but real and alive and wonderful. His shivering eases.

She is still disgusted with him – there is much he has done and failed to do that cannot be forgotten, especially after the nightmare in the ocean beyond her feet showed her. But she needs him to know she can forgive him with time, so long as he can forgive her for the hurts she has inflicted upon him; barbs and darts she hurled at a confused and lonely boy who could barely admit his feelings to himself, let alone to the whirlwind that was Asuka. They have seen each other in Instrumentality, a place where the barriers came down. That place of swirling sensation, where a thousand eyes every nanosecond were on her, always watching, and learning, and understanding; where they created worlds and universes to overcome the loneliness and the separation between their hearts, only to finally realise that to advance the barriers needed to return.

They can go forward together – properly this time, and not hidden behind the false comfort of the red dream, but with AT Fields in place and hearts synched together.

"Say something, Idiot Shinji," she whispers. He stops shaking.

"I love you, Asuka," is what she wants his lips to say.

"I need you, and I forgive you for all the confusion and hurt. Please forgive me too," is what she longs to hear from his voice.

"You were the one I wanted to follow me out of that place. I am glad it was you," is what she needs to feel from that heart beating in his chest.

Instead, he remains silent, save for those silver tears that are even now starting to ease from a stream to a dribble. She falters for a moment, heart rate increasing, and perhaps he has not learned anything in there, and is still afraid of her and rejection and pain after all this time…

But after a moment that could have been an hour, she can feel his mouth moving on her plugsuit, and her heartbeat slows even though she can't hear the words. And while she is uncertain of what he said, there is a warmth spreading in her belly, and she can tell it was something she would want to hear. She strokes his hair again, encouraging him to be louder. He raises his head, tears still there but smiling, and opens his mouth to speak.

A swell of LCL water moves up, engulfing them both, knocking Shinji off her. As the liquid absorbs her, Asuka finds herself being lifted briefly before coming back down again on the damp sand. As it recedes – not back to its original location but lapping at her feet – the wetness that drenched her vanishes faster than should have been possible in the cold night, and she feels something dark stir inside her heart.

Thoughts swirl and sound like a voice in her head. Even after everything, he can't bring himself to do anything for himself. She is the one currently wounded and blinded in one eye, wrapped in bandages, and abandoned on a beach in a dead world he created, yet she is the one who has to comfort him. Despite everything, despite literally ending the world and then turning his nose up at the fantasy he created, he has to rely on her to feel better. He refuses to do the bare minimum for anyone to get close to him, and yet expects them to be always open and available to him and his moods. But when she needed him, when she was being killed and ripped apart, he was sitting there, moping and feeling sorry for himself – on the same day he had defiled her in hospital.

The images and words fly through her mind, an echo of the surrealist nightmare she had crawled out from, and they make the blood in her veins boil. She struggles to get up, and eventually she manages, dark fire in her veins fuelling the engine of her ruined body.

"You're pathetic, Shinji!" she growls at him, and he looks angry at the suggestion. Gone are the pleasant smiles and understanding eyes, replaced with something hostile and hurt.

"In case you were wondering, you're not looking any better yourself."

"And whose fault is that? If you hadn't been so stupid none of this would have happened!"

He doesn't respond. He can't, and they both know it. He looks caught between apologetic and outraged, the emotions swirling on his face and storming in his eyes. He seems to be on the verge of making a decision for the first time in his life, and a little part of her, the part that survived Instrumentality and wanted to forgive and live with this boy, thumps against her heart, begging her to let him do this, to see him finally take that step from cowed child to enlightened man, even in the heat of an argument.

But the rest of her won't let it happen, so she screams instead.

"You could've saved me. You could've done something, yet you chose not to. And you felt bad because I was killed, so you murdered everybody else! You're just an overgrown child, Third, having a tantrum when you don't get your way!"

"What could I have done Asuka? Even if I had been in a right state of mind, I couldn't have moved the Eva before it moved itself! You saw what happened - I couldn't do anything!"

"Liar!"

They have grown closer during this verbal confrontation, and her fists have curled up. Her body moves before she can think.

She throws the first punch, her good hand landing on Shinji's nose. It wasn't a strong strike, but it breaks his face anyway, and Shinji falls to his knees, betrayal and pain written on his features. She backs off, looking at him and the small trickle of black blood leaking between his fingers as they clutch his face. She frowns. Why are their bodies so fragile? Her fingers ache and she can see that one of them is bent in a weird way and it hurts. Her breathing intensifies, and she glares at Shinji.

Asuka makes to go in again, wanting to injure him more despite some part of her pleading with her to stop, but he looks up at her again with wild eyes that look out of place on a teenage boy's face. She stops for a moment, only a moment, and it is enough time for him to tackle her to the ground. She lands hard, something thudding into the back her head that leaves her seeing stars. She is aware Shinji has grabbed her plugsuit lapels and is shouting at her, but she is dazed, and they are meaningless sounds.

He drops her again, letting her splash in the surf, and stands as if to leave her. She comes back to her full senses as he walks away, feeling the burning in her hand and the ache in the back of her head, and a tingle in all her scars. Something inside her chest is twisted and warped at the sight of Shinji's back as he walks away, one arm cupping his face.

"Come back and end it Third! Not even man enough to finish what you started in there?"

Shinji turns and is upon her in a blink of her eye. His hands are on her neck again, but this time she is ready. She wraps her fingers around his throat and squeezes, not caring that she is starting to feel lightheaded from the lack of oxygen to her brain.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

"Asuka!" he growls as his fingers crack something in her neck and they fall to their knees in the weak surf.

"Asuka," he gurgles as the remains of her strength are not spent in staying upright, but instead directed into her fingers as something crunches in his throat. He keels over and falls on her, and she knows they are dying and that the last thing she will ever see is his worthless face. She hopes he will go before she does.

"Asuka…" he whispers, but it is bubbly and then he is gone, swept away as another large swell comes along and drags him away into the depths. It pulls her along with it, and she is unsurprised to find that there is too much water for the LCL to keep her alive. It tastes of blood, and she sees his form in the distance, floating but rigid, before it is taken by the currents. And she closes her eye, feeling the damage to her body finally take her down and down and-

"Asuka!"

Asuka opened her eyes. There he was, standing over her, his hands gently shaking her. His eyes were wide, no longer dying or angry but very much alive and standing over her in Fortress Asuka what the-

"-hell are you doing, Shinji?" she attempted to growl, but the aches of interrupted sleep hung heavy on her voice, instead turning it into a quiet murmur instead. It was very dark outside, and the only source of light came from the clock on the desk and the streetlights far below. Shinji was kneeling mostly in darkness, but somehow the whites in his eyes reflected the light from the outside, giving him an unearthly presence, as though he were part ghost. he drew back, although he kept his hands on her arm, stroking it in a way that irritated Asuka's skin.

"You were making a lot of noise, Asuka. I came to investigate and saw you thrashing about-"

"So you decided to be an idiot and break down my door. Thanks for nothing, moron!" The quiet sleepiness from her voice had vanished and was replaced by heat and volume with each syllable. She sat up in a rush, nearly colliding with Shinji, who let out a surprised yelp as he fell backwards. Asuka shot him a glare.

"Asuka, I was worried about you…" Shinji trailed off, looking up from the ground to the intense scowl Asuka was sending him. He slid away from her, leaning backwards in an attempt to get away. He stopped once he was away from her futon, though the whites of his eyes still caught the limited light as he stared at her.

"I don't want you worried about me!"

The silence hummed like a heartbeat, filling the inky blackness of the room with weight that had not been there before. It waited, holding its breath, stilling everything. Shinji's face was shrouded, and yet shock, bewilderment, and pain radiated off him in waves. If Asuka closed her eyes she could almost hear them, those oceans of confused feelings, as they rolled out and in like a red sea at the end of the world.

After an eternity she heard Shinji swallow – a dry, empty sound that made the hairs on her neck feel uncomfortable – and felt rather than saw him raise his arms out towards her, the outlines of his form pressuring the silence and moving the oppressive air. He didn't touch her, but she felt his hand hover over her arm; when he spoke (a whisper, just a whisper), his hands moved and took the dead air currents with them.

"Asuka, I want you to be fine. I am worried about you. Despite what you think of me, I care about you-"

"Why?"

"Huh?" Shinji's hands stopped their ministrations and hovered over her arm. They trembled slightly, although that could have been her own body that was shaking instead.

"Why, idiot? You barely know who I am," she repeated, and moved onto her knees to face the silhouette next to her bed. The shadow-Shinji with otherworldly eyes shifted on the spot, and she felt his hand draw away from her.

"I…" he moved and closed his eyes. As he did, the reflected light vanished with them, and his face became completely dark. Asuka waited him out, her head cocked to the side, her heart rate slowly, ever so slowly returning to normal.

The silence continued to weigh down the room, stifling her inner panic and explosive emotions until there was nothing left to do but wait. The numbers on the clock changed, then changed again.

Shinji took a deep breath in. "I care about you because you are just like me, but a better version of that. I see so much of myself in you, wanting to be close but afraid to reach out to others. I – I know you have nightmares like I do, and if I can make those go away then I have done a good thing."

Something shifted in her heart. It felt like a shroud placed over an ivory idol had been tugged, leaving a little crack as it caught on the marble. It was only a faint line, but it was enough to make the chipped statue dribble blood red tears, dyeing the hair crimson. He's right thumped her heart, and if only he had said these words before, back when things had been better, when things had mattered. Back when she had needed the reassurance from him that he felt something for her, that he wanted her, that he needed her.

How could he possibly have guessed any of this? We only met a few weeks ago…

He continued talking.

"When I first saw you, I was intimidated by you, Asuka. You were a beacon of energy and life, and I envied that. But when I came to know you, I knew you were– are – a better version of me; you are life embodied and are everything I want and need. A-and you are everything I could be – and I admire so much about you," he had started to stutter, clearly losing whatever control he had intended to have on his emotional state. The whites in his eyes shone in the darkness, glistening with unshed tears. Asuka found they made her stomach bubble and seethe.

How can someone so pathetic say such moving things? How can a boy who is so dangerous even have a heart?

Idiot.

But that thought was not true, and Asuka knew it. She felt bits of Instrumentality flow into her brain, the parts she had forgotten about, those moments when she had seen his happiness – his true happiness, rare and fragile though those moments were – and his care for others (Rei, Misato, Toji, Kensuke, Kaworu. Herself). Those moments that were confusing and painful and simply wouldn't let her completely dismiss Shinji's unexpected outburst as more manipulation. But she was confused, so confused. Silence was all she could muster.

He was still stumbling onwards, ignoring Asuka's quiet uncertainty, his voice starting to take on a panicked tone. It snapped something in her.

"A-and I know I can't make up what I have done before, but I want to, and I want to show you the sort of man I can be-"

"Please stop."

The light went out of his eyes, and his face was completely dark. She heard his mouth snap shut.

"I don't – I don't want to hear this. Please go, Shinji."

"No! Asuka! I-I…"

"Shinji!" Asuka stood up. Shinji mirrored her, looking like he had been dragged up by puppet strings, clumsy and unbalanced.

They were both silent. Asuka had an impulse to push him, make him hurt more.

But his earlier words had chipped away at something, and the rage in her was no longer an explosion, nor the anxiety blaring static in her brain. Those seething snakes in her stomach wouldn't stop, and there seemed to be a hissing voice in her head; but there was something else, something that was crying and hurting but small, so small and fragile. There was confusion in her features, and she was glad for the darkness because it hid the tears shining in her eyes that threatened to fall.

So, instead of attacking, or throwing something, or pushing him away, she stepped back.

"Wait!" Shinji cried, his voice loud in the quiet. He reached out and grabbed her by the straps of her singlet, trying to pull her to him, desperation in his voice. She still withdrew anyway, the fingers of his first burning like ice on her chest.

There was a ripping sound, and she felt warm air on her breasts. As she collapsed backwards onto the futon, the tatters of her singlet seemed heavy on her stomach. The silence returned, bringing with it an oppressive atmosphere that strangled everything.

Shinji stood there, completely still, the whites of his eyes expanding beyond what Asuka thought was humanly possible. She was sprawled back on the futon, her brain short circuited and her mouth open.

The silence crushed them for several seconds more. Then the clock ticked over and made a quiet beep, and the spell shattered.

"Misato!" Asuka shrieked and threw her hands over her chest to cover herself. The faint light of the pre-morning had started seeping into the room, turning everything red, Shinji's pale face now a crimson demon's visage. But he was a demon in shock, not grinning wildly at having his lewd fantasies play out; rather, his mouth was opening and closing at a languid pace, his eyes were wide, and he was shaking as though the air had turned icy. In his hands were remnants of Asuka's decency: shreds of a green singlet.

"Why? Damn it! Damn it!" But his soft mutterings were only vaguely registered by Asuka as the room was suddenly illuminated and another presence filled the doorway.

"'Suka, what'd'I'tell oh what the hell?!" Misato's sleepy drawl kicked up several gears in volume and intensity as she came into consciousness. Asuka looked over to her, saw the physical change from hungover drunk into commanding officer manifest itself on her features. The effect was ruined somewhat by the loose sleepwear she was wearing.

Shinji just continued to stand there, shuddering and muttering. Asuka was shaking and exposed, her hands wrapped around her chest.

"Help," she whimpered, and Misato sprang into action.

The older woman grabbed a blanket and threw it over Asuka's prone form, whilst simultaneously grabbing Shinji and dragging him out of the room. He seemed to shrink in on himself as he was dragged, his head bowed down and his shoulders slumped. Misato radiated concern and anger, but in a second, she and Shinji were out of the room, leaving a trembling Asuka behind.

Through the walls she could hear Misato begin to interrogate Shinji, who seemed to remain silent. But Asuka was still too shaken to do anything but lie there, her brain trying to stay afloat as the crimson waves seemed to crash in around her. The red dawn was still shining through the window, adding to the harsh bedroom light, tinging everything slightly orange. It did not help Asuka's wrung-out mind.

He had exposed her. Again. And this time they hadn't even made it through half of the angels – not even the blessing of being unconscious had been hers. No, this time she got to see him as he had taken her, the red face glowing in the sunlight

And yet he had not been like at the hospital some part of her, that quiet and hurt and confused part that had been so quiet for so long, whispered. There he had enjoyed himself, drinking deeply from a comatose Asuka that was spread before him. This time he had seemed shocked, appalled even. He had done nothing but stand there, muttering and shrinking in on himself until Misato had taken him away. This was not the predator she had expected - it was almost as though he had been horrified by what had happened.

Despite everything, the thought he would be disgusted by her stung a little bit.

Asuka knew she didn't know what she felt. All she knew was that she needed to stay away from Shinji. The anger and hatred of him had diminished but was still in her heart. But something else was bubbling away in there, a part that she had forgotten about. And it was more confusing than anything since she had been brought back to fix what went wrong.

Her heart rate was returning to normal again, and her shaking had stopped. Rational thought was starting to re-emerge. Now is not the time to collapse. I must be strong.

Misato was on the phone to someone now, her voice low and fast. Asuka couldn't tell what was being said, but there was an urgency in Misato's tone. After a few minutes, the phone was hung up, and Misato's purple mop – still messy from bed – popped into the doorway of Asuka's room.

Asuka looked up at her.

"Alright Asuka, I've tried to get Shinji to tell me what happened but he's mute. If it weren't for the fact that you were the one on the ground and with a shredded shirt, I would've assumed you did something to him – so what happened?"

Part of her wanted to claim worse than had happened. Part of her demanded retribution for past sins, for the sort of creature Shinji Ikari was, even if the shattered boy in the next room had not been the Shinji who was responsible. She could do away with him and finally be the standalone hero who didn't need anyone or anything near her, and the Third Child could take the fall for sins committed in another life.

But of course, that was the problem, because this wasn't the Shinji Ikari who had done those terrible things to her. Whilst he was odd, until tonight he had done nothing to her that was untoward. And it was an accident.

He wanted it to happen!

But he didn't – Asuka had seen that his reaction was too shocked, too confused, and too panicked to be anything other than surprised and downright traumatised. And that was why she went with honesty.

"I had a dream, and he came to investigate. We argued. I fell over, he tried to grab me," Asuka admitted, shifting under the blanket.

Misato stared at her for a moment, then nodded.

"Alright. I've called Kaji to come round and pick Shinji up. He should be here soon."

Asuka nodded, and let the silence return to the room. Misato stepped forward, raised her hand as if to stroke Asuka's hair; instead she withdrew it, and then left the room in silence.

Kaji arrived in record time, a gentle breeze smelling of soothing aftershave that helped ease Asuka somewhat. In her half-awake state his presence, no matter how brief, felt paternal and caring. The crinkles at his eyes and shaggy scruff on his chin killed the final remnants of that odd sensation of not having a crush on the man anymore, and seeing the two adults greet each other did not bring forth any feelings of rejection like it once had. It was a temporary relief to the intensity of the morning.

Shinji only emerged when Kaji called him, shuffling out of the glorified cupboard like a ghoul. His eyes were sunken, and his shoulders hunched. He glanced up briefly at Kaji, then grabbed his box of meagre possessions. The air was thick with his guilt, and it was killing all the life in the room; a noxious gas of self-pity and misery.

Kaji's aftershave saved them, latching onto the still air and bringing a sense of life with artificial scent. He guided Shinji out of the apartment, always keeping his body between Shinji and Asuka, and glanced at the women on his way out with that wry smile on his lips and his arm around Shinji's shoulders.

"Hey Shinji, what happened? This isn't like you from what I have seen. Say, have you ever seen good melons…?" Kaji's voice faded away as he led the still silent and shrivelled Shinji out of the door and down the corridor.

After the pair left, Asuka found herself staring up into the frown of Misato.

"Asuka, I know Shinji wouldn't have meant to-"

"I told you before I moved in that this was a bad idea!" Asuka snapped. Misato's frown intensified.

This is not her fault, a voice that sounded like her Mama's floated into Asuka's head. She took a deep breath in, and willed he angry static in her head to slow down. Misato waited her out.

"Look Misato, I was uncomfortable with being ba- living with Shinji. And you all ignored me!" Even though it was an accident – and all those things he said...

"And do you think tonight was intentional?"

"No," Asuka sighed after a minute, ignoring the ballistic writhing in her guts telling her to do otherwise. "No, it was an accident."

Asuka glanced up at Misato again. "But that doesn't mean I am comfortable living with him again for now. Misato, I need to live by myself if I can."

Misato sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "As much as I hate to say this, I think it'd be good to keep you two separated for a while. I do need to look after both of you – I'm a legal guardian for both of you – but for now we can have a girl's apartment for a few days. How does that sound?"

Asuka grunted and looked away. It would do for now.

Misato glanced around, then walked over to a cupboard and withdrew a walkie talkie from it. The Captain was back in command.

"Alright agents, I know things look bad, but I want no-one to report this higher than to me."

Asuka heard faint crackle and a confused "Ma'am?" come from the device.

"You heard me. I want what just happened – Pilot Ikari being taken by Agent Kaji for the night – to be reported only as him visiting during daylight hours. Considering this will fall under operations I am taking responsibility for this decision, and it is necessary for the well being of the pilots that anyone asking about this be informed it is only happening during non-school hours and only during the day. Am I understood?"

Some more silence where Asuka could hear the suited men glance at each other in utter bewilderment, shrug, then respond. "Yes ma'am."

"Good. Have a nice night you two!" And just like that, Misato the roommate was back.

"Uh – thanks?" The device crackled for a moment and went dead.

Misato put the walkie talkie back in the drawer and turned back to Asuka. "Now, let's-"

"You did that just so the Commander wouldn't get angry at you for throwing his son out."

Misato didn't look angry. Instead, she pursed her lips into a pout, crossed her arms over her chest, and blew some loose strands of hair off her forehead. "Yeah, yeah. Still, it means we won't get asked too many pesky questions by those who could make it harder for us."

"Especially you?"

"Yes – really saves my kiester too." Misato went for enthusiastic and amused, and even attempted a smile, but the adrenalin and excitement had left the room once the walkie talkie had been put away, and it fell flat.

The two were silent, and the heaviness of exhaustion began to make itself felt in Asuka's aching muscles. She yawned long and loud. Misato, looking similarly haggard, nodded.

"Time for bed. Come on Asuka," she mumbled, holding out her arm for the young girl. Asuka ignored it and stumbled towards her room.

There was some more sunlight coming in, but it was still early enough to get some more rest, and Asuka's energy levels were all but depleted. The emotional rollercoaster had come to a stop, and her bed was singing to her with that siren's song of sleep, too strong for a 14-year-old girl to resist. Not even bothering to close the blinds, she sank into her bed.

As Misato's presence in the room shifted and moved away, retreating to the older woman's bedroom, Asuka closed her eyes, letting the curtains of sleep collapse over her. Her breathing began to even out, and she felt her heartrate dropped down, down, down, until it was sluggish in sending the blood to the brain, the decreasing oxygen flowing there and easing consciousness out.

Her dreams that morning were not of the beach and that murderous finality, nor of a predator masquerading as a depressed boy, nor even of hospital gowns and swinging feet in doorways. Instead, she dreamed of different times and places: of false universes in Instrumentality, where boy and girl could understand each other too much; of ramen dinners, where three children could feel warmth in their bellies and laughter in their hearts; of a volcano where a purple hand reached out and held her in the crushing heat; and where a brown haired boy would smile at her with the awkward charm that had she had never had any chance against.

When she woke the next day, she thought she smelled the faintest trace of salty LCL on her pillow, but when she sniffed again it was replaced by the aroma of her shampoo instead.

She was glad Shinji was gone. Yes, of course she was. She had to be. It was much easier to think without him there; much easier to plan without those baleful blue eyes following her, or the cooking that she loved and hated, or the awkward silences that had filled the apartment after his attempts to engage with her in various ways were rebuffed.

Actually, the cooking she could have back. Misato was somehow even worse than before, and seemed to put alcohol in everything. It was a miracle neither of them hadn't starved – thankfully Hikari's considerate nature had meant she had been able to get some nutrients in her diet.

And really, his efforts, whilst strangling, had been light-years ahead of his last life where he didn't do anything. She almost missed having him around, even if it was to try and make sense of those sweet, moving things he had said -

No, bad Asuka!

She had not spoken to Shinji at all since he had gone. Actually, she hadn't seen him at all, as he had opted not to come into school, and mysteriously (thanks Misato) they had not had any shared synch tests. Of course, it helped that it had only been a week and a bit since the incident, but still.

Idiot must be sulking.

Asuka, in those moments when she managed to be honest with herself, could very much empathise with her fellow pilot's withdrawal from the world. She had been very drastic in her retreat from reality herself when she had attempted suicide over something as banal as synch rates. Although she also knew that her breakdown last time had been less about the number on a screen so much as the crushing inability of her ability to perform when required. Or perhaps the terror of being outclassed by a spoiled wimp. Or being cast aside by all those she had ever loved – much how Shinji had been rejected by her when he was clearly-

No, stop thinking about the moron!

In other news, there had been some progress at least with Operation Convert-Rei-To-Team-Asuka. With her usual grace and ability to win friends, Asuka had managed to get responses from the other girl, even though that monotone was like fingernails on glass to Asuka and often resulted in truncated conversations. But surely the little mutant could understand her overtures, right? She wasn't so inhuman as to be unable to connect with someone beyond the Ikari clan, right?

"Yes." A response to a four-minute ramble about the benefits of piloting an Eva.

"Thank you, Pilot Sohryu." Rei's reply after a twenty-minute rant about the state of her apartment and why she should consider moving to somewhere more fitting of her rank as an Eva pilot.

"No. There is no need." The subsequent answer to Asuka's question on if Rei wanted to move in with them or nearby, followed by Rei standing up and walking away towards the ruins she called home.

...Perhaps it was about the little victories with this one.

Or perhaps it needed a big gesture. Something like what the Third did when they both fought Ramiel. That certainly worked for Shinji, if what I saw in Instrumentality was anything to go by.

Fortunately, if the timeline wasn't made wonky again by tardy angels, she would soon get her opportunity to put a plan into action she knew would work. She had planted a seed in Misato's head the day after the fight ("Say, why is it that only my Eva can wear the Type-D equipment? Or any of the specialised armour for that matter? Wouldn't it make more sense for Unit-00 and Unit-01 to have something in case they need it…"), and in the next few days that seed would come to flower.

Asuka saw Rei, ballooned as she was, and laughed. She couldn't help it - Rei looked utterly ridiculous, with her placid features and rounded face mirroring the globe of white below her. The First Child blinked at Asuka's outburst, then waddled towards the Eva cages, Asuka following, still giggling, behind her.

Two weeks after Shinji had moved out they got the call from Akagi to meet. In the meeting everyone had been surprised when Asuka had volunteered Rei to lead the operation at Mount Asama, with Maya and Akagi both expressing concern about this. Asuka had forcibly explained her case that since the First had the most experience with combat, then it would make sense for her to oversee the capture of NERVs first angel, and since Shinji had been experiencing troubles recently, it made sense for Rei to lead the expedition. With Unit-02 providing necessary support, Unit-00 would simply capture the thing and solve all their problems.

It had been a hard argument – initially Akagi pulled rank and told the Second Child she would be piloting. Asuka had then contacted Misato, who had agreed with Asuka's assessment and (with some congratulations and sniping at Akagi) overruled Akagi's decision. That Asuka had planted the idea in Misato's mind that Rei should take lead on the next mission over the past fortnight was neither here nor there.

And now here she was, reaping the fruit of her labour.

Unit-00 sat there, looking even more ridiculous than Unit-02 had. The Eva was perched, not sulking as Unit-02 had done, but with that stoic silence that characterised its pilot, the bulbous white casing of the Type-D equipment ballooning over its body and limbs. Its cyclopic head, partially hidden in the diver's helmet, sat slightly to the side, as if it was taking this indignity with the weary resignation that came with being a veteran of Misato and Akagi's elaborate schemes.

By contrast, Unit-02 stood proud and magnificent, the red of its paint burning the walls around her crimson. Asuka couldn't resist the snarky comment that came bubbling up inside.

"Bummer First – looks like you won't be winning any hearts with your new outfit!"

Rei looked over, blinked, and looked away again, tottering towards her Eva. Does nothing get under her skin? Why doesn't she react? Come on Wondergirl, give me something to work with, you stupid, dollish-

"Hey!" Asuka yelled. Rei stopped, but did not look back.

"Yes, Pilot Sohryu?"

Calm down Asuka. We're trying to befriend her.

Asuka took a deep, shuddering breath, closing her eyes on the inhale, then opening her eyes before releasing it. "Good luck out there, Wondergirl."

Rei stood, back still towards her. Asuka watched the blue hair move slightly to the side, a small island of water in a bright red room.

"Thank you. Farewell," Rei's voice seemed slightly lighter than usual, and she began to waddle back towards her Eva. Asuka turned her head to the side and watched her go.

This isn't fair.

Asuka sat in her bloated specialised suit, her lips pouted and arms crossed, frown burning a hole in the temporary command centre she could see in the distance. Or at least partially see, as some parts were hidden behind the rocks of Mount Asama's volcanic landscape, and other parts were hidden behind sections of her Type-D substitute helmet.

Seconds after Rei had gotten into her Eva, Akagi had gleefully (as gleeful as the doctor could manage at least) swanned into the cages and informed Asuka that they had enough spare Type-D equipment to cover parts of Unit-02 in case of an emergency, and "could you get changed into the suit we have prepared for you, that's a good girl." When Asuka had returned, Unit-02 had been given a helmet and torso armour that somehow looked even worse due to its incomplete nature, like the Eva was wearing a Type-D singlet and helm of different colours (black and grey).

Asuka had nearly attacked Akagi in rage. Her Mama, once she saw what Unit-02 looked like from the outside and felt Asuka's impotent rage, nearly went berserk.

They had travelled to Mount Asama in their separate carriers after Asuka had gotten changed, and now Asuka found herself standing where Shinji had stood a lifetime ago, feeling the heat of the distant magma radiate through the LCL around her as he must have done. She wondered if he had been as bored and angry as she was now, or if he was bored and angry being stationed out of harm's way in Tokyo-3, under the watchful eyes of the sub-Commander.

No, bad Asuka. Stop thinking about him.

I agree Schätzen, focus on the here and now.

So she focussed on things around her; the bubbles of oxygen in the LCL as they lazily moved around the plug; the sweaty space in her suit that somehow was warmer on the surface than it had been in the damn volcano; the sound of several people chatting idly over the comms. She watched as Unit-00 descended - a series of grey-white spheres surrounded by bubbling scarlet. She could remember the excitement and nerves she had felt, and tried to picture Wondergirl experiencing the same thing. The image the Commander's Pet shaking and full of nervous energy was so ludicrous Asuka nearly laughed, and eased some of her discomfort.

Must you always call her those insults, Asuka? The First has a name. Honestly you are just like your father.

Ouch. Mama, why would you say that?

Because for a girl trying to befriend another girl you have an awful lot of negative thoughts about her. You need to stop seeing her as a threat; open your heart some more, and you will be surprised what you will find.

Shut up Mama – I know that. She's just so… Argh!

Very articulate dear. Try harder.

"Entering magma." Rei's voice, flat and dull as it always was, cut through the argument with Kyoko.

See what I mean? There's nothing there! See, this is how I did it!

Showing off for that boy? Very mature.

Asuka decided against rising to her mother's bait, though she did shift in her seat, finding the slight increased pressure from the neural link uncomfortable. Probably wise to move onto other topics before Mama started to glitch again.

We will have about five minutes before the thing hatches. Then we provide Wonder-Rei with the solution to the problem, wait until she deals with the angel, and as she ascends, we dive in at the eleventh hour and save her. I get the glory, and Rei gets a saviour who isn't out to use her to end the world.

I see. And if something goes wrong – wrng - wroong?

Calm down Mama – it will be fine. I will be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.

Initially, things went as Asuka expected. The crushingly dull descent of Unit-00 was made even more boring by the fact Rei exerted no energy whatsoever in her responses – lifeless updates on where she was, and the visuals she had. Until…

"Target located. Initiating capture."

"Atta girl Rei!"

Showtime.

The ascent went smoothly – too smoothly. What on earth was Sandalphon doing? Is Rei's angelic ability somehow able to calm the angel? Wait, that makes no sense – she would have lullabied the other angels to bed if that were the case. What could-

"Angel is hatching. Disengaging and attempting to neutralise." Rei's monotone had a faint trace of static as her Eva focussed its energy on arming itself.

Oh, turns out he was on time.

Yes. You are just impatient little one.

Alright bastard, let's see how you enjoy freezing again.

Language, Asuka!

Sorry Mama. Now to help the First…

"Rei, this thing has survived entirely in the volcano – you will need to use the coolant from one of your pipes to kill it."

"Roger."

"Good thinking Asuka!" Misato's voice came through the channel, along with a series of similar remarks from Akagi and the bridge bunnies. Asuka concentrated on Rei however, glancing at the various flashing screens in her cockpit and the visual of the other pilot on a separate screen.

The other pilot had done as commanded, severing one of the pipes with her prog knife (how come hers survived!), but had gone radio silent since then. Asuka watched as the cables continued their agonising ascent, slowly pulling up Unit-00 from the fiery depths below.

"Target disappeared. Combat was minimum, but I did damage it. Continue ascent," Rei called into the static, voice slightly shaky, breaking the silence. Asuka sighed, but got ready to leap in.

Then the cables shuddered.

"What was that?"

"We believe the angel has attacked the cables. It broke two of them and damaged a third."Makoto's mousey voice blared through the speakers.

"Shiesse!"

Language!

Asuka weighed her options. Rei was still only about halfway up, so it would take time for Unit-02 to get down there. Unlike Rei, she would likely be burned in the combat – her armour would not cover the pain she would receive on her arms, and with her synch pushing into the 40's, her flesh was likely to start receiving the injuries (if only mildly). And, unlike Shinji, Sandalphon was still alive and swimming around in the murky depths, and would need to be dealt with. On the other hand, she needed this plan to work: she needed to get Rei to start to transfer those loyalties, so that the two girls could prevent Instrumentality from happening.

Then Rei yelped, and Misato's panicked cries that Rei was unconscious forced the decision.

"Hold on Wondergirl, I'm coming!"

Unit-02 then swan dived into the magma, despite Misato's shrieks over the comms for her to "stay where you are, Asuka!" As she entered, her arms and legs had started to burn, a blistering heat that caused her to cry out. Yet she gritted her teeth, and continued to descend. Down she sank, grabbing one of the severed cables that was spewing useless coolant into the red liquid around her.

And all she could think about was another volcano, where there was sweat and a crushing sensation around her.

Shinji went through this for me?

"Asuka, what are you doing?" Misato's voice was soaked in desperation, the emotion flowing out of the speaker and into the plug; and yet there was a respect Misato had never expressed towards her before as well, faint and hidden though it was.

I see you, Misato. Learned wild tactics from the best.

"Saving Rei!" Asuka snapped, and focussed on following the cables. The voices from the bridge shrieked at her, but she paid no attention, glancing around to see if the angel had emerged, but otherwise making her way down to where Rei's unconscious Eva was hanging.

It was on one of these glances that she saw movement. She followed it, and was immediately reminded just how fast the freaky lava-angel was because it was suddenly on her, mouth open and tentacles groping for her; an infant, crying out and searching for something to latch on to.

"Hello again, Sandalphon," Asuka whispered, then gave a war cry and jabbed the cable into the angel's wound Rei had given earlier. Her arms screamed at her, the blisters under her suit feeling like they had burst. Her mother's voice in her head was screaming too.

But the angel shuddered and withdrew, disintegrating into the magma around it, its cries rattling Asuka's teeth. It sounded pained and hauntingly human, but Asuka could spare no time worrying about the ethics of murdering an infant angel. Rei's final cable snapped, and, if the cries from the bridge were anything to go by, the damage to the other Eva meant she would not last long down here.

So she sank, willing the ballast to be heavier, praying that she could get there before Rei disappeared into the volcano forever. The brief, momentary thought of just letting her die, of letting the damn half breed be crushed and cooked floated in her mind for a second; a dangerous thing that whispered in the brutally logical of her brain that she reserved for battle and mathematics. But even before her mother's appalled outburst, Asuka forced the cold ice of reality into that dream – she would not let anyone die on her watch, not even if it were Shinji sinking, or the Commander.

Nobody was going to die today.

There was Unit-00, slowly sinking away. Asuka forced her scorched hands to reach out, just that little bit further. The red paint of her Eva's arms blended with the magma around them, turning almost invisible – which would have made Asuka laugh a little had it not hurt so much. Unit-02's left leg was crushed under the weight of the magma around her, and the LCL around her was heating up at an alarming rate. Warnings were flashing around her on the screen, through her comms, and in her head.

But her Eva's fingers grasped Unit-00's.

"Pull us up!" She screamed. She was unsure if her outbound comms still worked, but with painful progress she felt the pressure around her start to lessen, and the feeling of ascending became more and more apparent.

After agonising seconds that were more like hours, they breached the surface, lava dripping from them like honey. With the last of her strength reserves Asuka pulled Unit-00 up and out, out of the still-swirling volcano below them, and over to the land nearby.

Unit-02 stumbled behind, a singed behemoth that tottered then fell to the ground, the whirring of its engines dying as the last of its power gave out, and the laughing and whimpering of its pilot silent to everyone but herself. The LCL was still painfully hot, but as the recovery teams broke open the plug, and the cold air stung her flesh, Asuka's heart thrummed wildly in her chest, and she was a grinning madwoman.

Victory.

This is better than I remember.

The steam baths at Oumiya had been one of the more fun parts of her time in Japan. It had not been a replacement for a field trip to Okinawa, but there had been something peaceful and relaxing about the water washing away the heat, sweat, and LCL after Mount Asama that had soothed parts of her in a way very little else had. Like then, after they had spent time in hospital getting patched up (Asuka's burns were not so severe as to require extended hospitalisation, but she had been given creams and instructed to take it easy), Misato had taken them to the baths to celebrate. This time the burns on her body were worse, but the warm water didn't aggravate them; on the contrary, they eased and made her skin feel normal again, the warmth blurring the line between herself and the water, leaving the burns with no place to hurt.

It felt like a milder Instrumentality.

Well then. There went that enjoyable sensation – uncomfortable burns it would have to be.

Is this what Shinji had to endure last time? Is that why he was so quiet during that trip?

Asuka shook her head. These were not thoughts she wanted to be experiencing; so, instead, she reached over to get the shampoo and skin conditioner. Tragically, she found it sadly empty.

"Misato, we've run out of shampoo," she whined to the older woman.

The three of them were sitting in various sections of the bath – close enough to chat if they wanted, but with enough space to focus on enjoying the sensations by themselves. Misato had sat in the middle, eyes closed, and soaking up the steam, but when Asuka had spoken she had groaned and swum over to the fence that separated the male from the female pools.

"Hey Pen Pen, could you through over the shampoo? We've run out over here, and you know how us girls get with hair!" Misato called over the fence. A disgruntled squawk was heard in response.

"Yeah, yeah – I'll get you the extra salmon sashimi when we go out next. Just throw it over – not like you use that stuff on your feathers anyway."

There was another indignant sound, but a few moments later the bottle came sailing over the fence. It landed just in the water out of reach, so, with a grumble, Misato swam over and picked it up.

Rei sat there, stiff as a board and face blank as paper, her naked body somehow absorbing the light around her despite her ivory complexion; her skin made the light grow lifeless instead of radiating across the body. Here was the commander's pet, a dog ready to obey its beloved master.

But the leash was not here, nor the hand that held it. Neither Ikari men were present – Shinji was in Tokyo-3, and the Commander was… actually, Asuka wasn't sure where he was, but the fact he was not here was very good, and it was showing. Although dull, her eyes had gained a little life, pools of red that, while mostly stagnant, rippled faintly with life beneath their glassy surface.

Also, they were looking at her.

"Why did you risk yourself for me, Pilot Sohryu?"

Asuka forced a cough and looked away in a rush.

"You're much too important to NERV to die in there Wondergirl," Asuka growled, her attempt to convince Rei not sounding as fake as she thought it might. You are too important to me as well – can't have you disappearing on me and then returning to the Ikari's.

She wished that disavowal and rationalisation in her mind didn't sound as fake as it did.

Misato had a curious look on her face for a moment but smiled after the moment passed. "It's good to see that you two can get along after all."

"I have been trying to get her to open up to me for weeks Misato! Apparently it takes cooking myself in lava to get a reaction from her!"

Misato laughed, and splashed a bit of water at Asuka, who let out a yelp of surprise. "Showing you care for someone can take different forms. Maybe Rei just likes life and death situations to bring those out?"

Rei looked over at Asuka and smiled. It was an awkward thing, slightly lopsided and her face looked uncomfortable, but there was warmth in her eyes, and she lifted a hand and touched Asuka's hand, who drew back immediately as the pressure aggravated her burns.

But Rei had smiled, and Asuka felt something shift away in her chest. It was different to Shinji's confession – not veils being ripped from chipped statues, but rather dust being blown away, revealing shining marble eyes beneath. The light shifted slightly, and Rei seemed to glow ever so slightly. Then Asuka blinked, and Rei's smile and the odd lighting vanished again. The red head instead turned to her guardian, who had sat down on a rock just outside the pool, naked body glowing in the evening sun.

"Hey Misato?"

"Yeah?"

"You know about me, right? About my past?"

"It's my job to know about you, Asuka. But you should leave all that in the past-"

"Yeah, I know. History doesn't repeat after all, and I need to live in the present. But do you know anything about Rei's life?"

Misato blinked, then blinked again and looked over at Rei. The girl in question also looked up, although in that slow, disinterested manner that defined the First Child's approach to everything, before glancing away again.

"I know a little bit about her – a daughter of some unknown acquaintance of the Commander. Why do you ask, Asuka?"

The redhead was silent for a moment, then looked over at Rei.

"Because I have noticed that the only people she seems to hang out with are the Commander, Dr Akagi, and that idiot Shinji. I think it's time she had some real women as friends, don't you?"

Misato sniggered at the idea of Akagi failing as a woman, but then turned to look at Rei. The other girl was back to sitting in the tub with eyes unfocussed after her brief momentary connection with Asuka. Had Asuka not seen the smile and the shift in demeanour, she would have thought it wasn't real.

Asuka could see the cogs turning in her guardian's head, and smirked.

"Hey Misato, do you know Rei lives alone in an abandoned part of town? It's very demeaning to elite pilots, even if she isn't quite as good as me and needs to be rescued on occasion."

"Thank you for rescuing me," Rei's voice was soft and wispy, and yet commanded the attention of the louder women in an instant. She looked up, and cocked her head, eyes gaining focus again. "But I do not believe it will be necessary going forward."

Blood began pumping in Asuka's ears, and she felt her teeth start to grind, the earlier friendliness wearing off real fast. What on earth was that? Are you capable of showing any gratitude, Little Miss Perfect? Don't you see that I am trying to save you, and the least you could do is-

Misato's giggles drew Asuka's attention away from the unblinking eyes of Ayanami.

"What?!"

"If she can get that kind of rise out of you from teasing, I would absolutely love to have her come and stay with us-"

"Wait, you were sassing me First?!"

"-Or at least maybe next door. We can't exactly change things too much from the current arrangement after all, but if the Commander approves, I am sure it can be arranged…"

Asuka's temporary anger had spiked at the idea that she had been completely played by Rei, but the sensation morphed into a bubbling laughter instead. Just how long had she been keeping that side of her hidden from me? And where was it last time – that spark was certainly not something I recall seeing.

Rei was watching Misato babble to herself in the way a child watches a teacher. Or at least in a way the child would if it was an eerily unemotive half-human with odd blue hair and unnerving red eyes. Asuka stood up, and felt the water dripping down her exposed body, plopping into the otherwise still waters of the bath that glowed red in the sunset. The other two women looked over at her.

"Hey Wondergirl, what do you say? Want to come live with us?"

Rei looked over at Asuka from the other side of the water, and smiled again.

A/N: Apologies for the slight delay in getting this out – life got in the way, and I reworked it a few times.

Thank you all for the reviews and thoughts – they help me think about the fic and where improvements can be made going forward, and they are all appreciated.