((Yay, two chapters in one year! Anyway, hope you all enjoy!
I do not own Naruto and its characters.))
...
...
Haku cared very little about people's pasts. All that mattered was what they wanted, what they would do, and how they would treat him.
But, a few years ago, he learned a bit about Zabuza's childhood anyway.
Heavy mist choked the ground that day, clinging to the undergrowth of the forest outside Kiri's Shinobi barracks. The snow just finished thawing, so the ground felt moist and squishy in some places.
Haku was brought there nearly every evening for two weeks to learn hunting. He hadn't yet caught anything, but it was still fun to explore the woods, looking for telltale tracks in the mud.
"Do you know how Kiri Academy students graduate?"
Haku was trying to determine the freshness of a set of tracks when Zabuza's words stopped him short.
He stared up at the man, then shook his head no. There didn't seem to be much reason to wonder about that, since it wasn't like he had to graduate. But Zabuza wanted to tell him, so he'd listen, even if it didn't seem that important.
"They paired us off and said to fight to the death. We couldn't leave until we did."
Oh.
"So I did more than what they asked. I killed everyone."
Huh?
"They wanted us to be tools, Boy. And tools don't last long if they're the shittiest ones in the arsenal."
Silence followed for several moments until Haku realized he was probably supposed to respond. Not that he was sure how.
Zabuza's dark eyes were piercing as always. But since that intensity was always the same, it was hard to decipher any meaning behind it.
It was all Haku could do to give a nod before slowly returning to work.
Well, turning and looking at the tracks again, actually. For the moment, there were questions that were too distracting to let him simply go on.
Zabuza killed a lot of people for...well, what? Vengeance? To prove he was the most useful tool of all?
But that wasn't really the point, was it? More importantly, why would he say this now? There had to be a reason. The man rarely spoke without one.
He wanted something, expected something. But, as usual, Zabuza left a bunch of blanks and waited until Haku filled them in. What did he mean?
'...tools don't last long if they're the shittiest ones in the arsenal.'
That was the last statement in the man's little monologue, so it had to be the point, right? Or at least had something to do with it.
And...whenever Haku was going about his merry way and adults suddenly decided to interrupt, it was always because they wanted him to do something.
Well, Zabuza wanted him to learn and obey, that much was clear. The whole reason Haku was in the woods was to figure out hunt-
Oh. Every evening for two weeks, Haku came out here without succeeding. And Zabuza apparently thought two weeks was too long.
An odd feeling swept through Haku, subtle but uncomfortable nonetheless. The man was a new, albeit dangerous benefactor; one with purposes that were not being fulfilled.
Maybe the graduation story was meant as a threat. That possibility was enough to make Haku stiffen, a sliver of fear stabbing through his heart.
Even though Zabuza was his source of safety and happiness, that didn't come for free, did it?
That was almost easy to forget when the black eyed shinobi kept the world's scariness at bay. Without any immediate problems, it became all too easy to relax.
But, intimidating or not, this threat wasn't a big deal. Zabuza just needed proof of usefulness, which was really fair enough. A chance to prove himself was more than what Father gave.
So, Haku kept trying, and eventually caught a skinny hare with white and brown patches of fur. Beaming, he held it out to his mentor.
Zabuza smiled back, and Haku was proud. All was right again.
But that situation stood out as the one that impressed the importance of taking things seriously. In spite of the dangers that presented themselves up until that point, reality hadn't quite broken through. For a time, Haku made the mistake of feeling safe just because a powerful person was taking care of him.
Zabuza's threat woke him up, showing how imperative it was to stay wary and diligent.
Haku didn't change everything right away, but that conversation was one of the major turning points. As the years followed, he destroyed all his complacency, all his weakness, and eventually became Zabuza's right hand.
But then he got captured and stuck with these people.
A fit of yowling erupted nearby. Haku glared over at Ayame as she held down a writhing, seething cat. The animal's claws were a blur as it desperately tried to get away...or at least scratch its captor to bits.
Hard to fathom why someone would want such a noisy monster as a pet, let alone pay for its return, but someone did pay and now he was stuck listening to this caterwauling creature.
Unbelievable. They called catching strays a mission, but really, it was nothing more than an errand.
A very very annoying errand, but apparently this was all these pathetic genin could handle. Which of course meant he got roped in too.
Ayame sneezed, which loosened her grip just enough for the cat to start worming free. She scrambled to get a hold of it again. "Well don't just stand there!"
Tch.
She was bitching at him again, but what was he supposed to do? They couldn't hurt the cat, and it was going to squirm around no matter what. They couldn't tie it up, because the owner would probably think they were being mean.
Normally he didn't even have to consider things like that. On the rare occasions he and Zabuza worked for someone, it was some thug that didn't care how nice they were. That left the kindness up to Haku. He could be merciful to certain people, like the lady he rescued from Zabuza's subordinates, but it was never his job to actually worry over such matters.
Plus, whenever they took prisoners, they were never screechy, bitey, scratchy pests.
Sniffling, Ayame managed to pick the cat up, her fingers under the beast's armpits and over its chest. Its hind legs still flailed wildly and would probably do a number on anyone that got close.
Heh. Ayame could deal with that herself. Then again, if it got loose he'd be out here even longer…
Bushes rustled over to the left. A quick glance showed that it was Shiho coming back from her post. Earlier she took up a separate ambush point further into the woods in case the cat got past him and Ayame.
"Try to hold it steady."
Those words were the only sound that announced Itachi's presence as he walked onto the scene.
He strode toward Ayame, stopping just out of the cat's reach. Leaning down, he brought himself to the squalling animal's eye level. After a few moments of staring, the cat stiffened, then went slack in Ayame's grip.
"You should be able to hold him normally now. He'll wake up gradually over the next few hours."
Another sneeze tore from Ayame's mouth, followed by a couple more. She sniffled, and her face looked a little puffy and miserable.
Well what was wrong with her?
Itachi surveyed the three of them for a moment before speaking. "Right. Let's get going." He then turned to lead the way to the Hokage Tower.
They all kept pace beside each other, and Haku tried to ignore everything. At least it was quieter now -
Ayame turned toward him and glared. "You could at least carry this furball to the Tower."
Oh, great. She still had more naginess left in her. A sneer broke across his face as he replied. "Too lazy to do it yourself?"
"I'm allergic, you jerk!"
Oh, really? Well, served her right for yelling at him all the time.
"I can carry it, Ayame chan," Shiho volunteered.
"That's not the point! He did nothing to help, and - "
"Just give her the cat," Itachi ordered, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice.
In the silence that followed, an involuntary smirk tugged on Haku's mouth.
Ha. Half the time Itachi stayed quiet and let them squabble, as if he didn't really know how to deal with them. But now and then the guy got fed up and showed just how agitated he really was. And often enough Ayame got what she deserved.
The girl narrowed her eyes, but did as she was told, depositing the brown ball of fluff in Shiho's arms. Darker brown stripes marked the creature's little body, and the little pink bow was still pinned behind one of its ears, even after the morning's crazy chase.
Shiho was on the other side of Itachi, at least, so now the monster sleeping in her arms was further away.
Ayame came back and walked on Haku's right, the furthest side from the cat possible.
Why couldn't she walk between him and Itachi, that way he could have more space between himself and that thing they spent all morning on? A few sneezes wouldn't kill her.
Whatever.
When they arrived at the Tower, they waited about twenty minutes while the creature's owner was called and brought over.
The cat was starting to wake up, blinking its eyes blearily. Thanks to Itachi's genjutsu, the feline didn't offer much more than a hiss as it found itself back in the hands of the person it tried to escape.
Haku could sympathize, and now he felt guilty because he put some stupid animal in the same situation he himself wanted to leave.
Feeling sorry for something he hated… He never experienced that before he was captured, but it happened several times in Konoha. And oh, that wasn't ok.
Giving a crap about something he despised just didn't make sense and was the opposite of everything he wanted. It felt like he was trapped by something that was burrowing inside his head and warping his brain. Any place that could do that to him must be twisted horribly backwards.
Yet, people like Ayame expected so much of him. He was a prisoner. Why should he help and contribute as if he were one of them?
Haku barely payed attention as they collected their pay and finished with the Hokage, reflexively following his 'team' as they walked out.
Since the mission was over, he let himself lag behind.
Only problem was that Ayame did the same. He was probably going to get lectured again, but he ignored her while he could, and they went on like that until half way down the street.
"Even Sensei did more than you, Pretty Boy," she muttered.
Oh, now she thought he was useless and incompetent? If she was so capable, why did she keep going on and on about what he wasn't doing? A capable person wouldn't fret so much about having his help. This girl was so persistent, yet she couldn't even hold a cat without acting like she was ill.
He didn't like dealing with cats either. Why should he have to suffer with one just so she could have things easier?
Haku gave a passive aggressive smile. "Jealous that a boy is prettier than you?"
Pretty or not, he was stronger than her. Yet he was still stuck in low level training because his so called teammates were the ones that needed it.
Why should he participate with them? There was nothing in it for him really. The only reason to tag along was to keep up a veneer of compliance.
Ayame constantly bugged him for far more than that, which of course made him react angrily.
Itachi lectured them about squabbling around clients... Funny that the older boy expected people to have the same cares.
Itachi worried over what random civilians thought of their work, but why should Haku have to put on a show for those people when he really couldn't give a -
"What's he doing?" Ayame muttered.
Haku glanced up, honing his gaze toward Itachi, the only 'he' Ayame would be talking about.
Their 'sensei' finished a quick series of handsigns, summoning a couple books from what was probably a storage seal wrapped around his wrist.
He said something to Shiho, but it was hard to hear the exchange after falling behind even further than before.
Now Haku was missing out on whatever this was. But moving closer would violate his desire to stay away.
Itachi handed the books to Shiho. Both of them were smiling.
Their 'sensei' started talking more, with Shiho adding her own responses now and then.
What's with the gifts all of a sudden? And it was gross to watch two people he disliked making happy faces at each other.
Almost as if...
"He likes her," Haku sneered.
Actually, Itachi probably had some other game in mind, but it didn't really matter if he was perceived accurately.
Courtesy of Itachi and pretty much everyone else, Haku was being forced to become Konoha's little puppet. Stupid Uchiha would probably kill him if that didn't happen…
Giving Shiho a gift was probably part of that whole agenda, so if there was a chance to punish Itachi by skewing Ayame's perception of him just a little bit, Haku would. It was the only power he really had in this situation, since Itachi cared so much about what people thought...
Oh, and the Uchiha knew that stupid gray haired man, too. They were probably working together to guard him and keep him in line.
This wasn't what Haku existed for. He would do anything for Zabuza, but nothing for these aggravating people. If they kept over obligating him like this, he had no qualms with them getting exactly what they earned.
…
That morning, Sasuke peeked out a window as Itachi left the Compound to train his genin.
Rin entered their courtyard just in time to encounter Nii san, and they paused to speak to one another.
It was obvious enough what was being said. 'Sasuke kun is sick, so he can't come to school today.'
Something like that. And Rin must have said 'Ok', because she turned and left less than a minute later.
In a way, Sasuke wasn't sure why he lied earlier. When he first woke up, he stared at the ceiling until he reminded himself that he was supposed to get up and go to class - just like yesterday and the day before that. On and on and on...
Something miserable squeezed his ribcage - so much reluctance that it became almost unbearable.
There was something else too, something that finally made him rise and look for Nii san.
Traces of dawn drifted through the windows, soft and gentle. As usual for this time, Big Brother was sitting in the genkan, pulling on his shoes to leave. Pausing in the doorway to that space, Sasuke stared at the books on the floor by Itachi's side.
The nasty feeling bubbled up again, and words were out of his mouth before he knew it.
"I don't feel good, Nii san."
Itachi froze and turned around, blinking slightly.
Technically it wasn't true. Physically he was fine. The tenseness in his chest wasn't a real or tangible element that could be fixed with medicine.
But he went along with the fib he started. Nii san looked at least mildly concerned, and for a moment, that was enough to keep going.
Surprised and even uncertain as Big Brother seemed at first, he still asked about Sasuke's symptoms calmly, then said to stay home and rest.
And...that was it. Itachi left exactly as he normally would have.
A minute or two later was when Sasuke stopped in front of the window and watched his best friend converse with his brother.
Once they parted ways, Sasuke went about his business.
There wasn't much to do, since his homework was already done and he didn't have his assignments for the day. He found a book on the way back to his room and hopped back into bed. Opening the text where the bookmark was, he leaned back and stared at the characters printed on the page.
'Itachi didn't even question that fake list of symptoms I gave him...'
That alone deserved a frown. Nii san was a shinobi - a really good one at that. If he didn't notice a falsehood, it had to be because he wasn't paying attention.
If he was going to believe the lie about his little brother being sick, couldn't he at least do something about it?
A few moments passed, and Sasuke realized he wasn't reading.
Snapping the book shut, Sasuke set it aside and glared at the opposite wall.
Well, what was he expecting? For Nii san to stay home? Itachi cared a little, but still left because he had to.
Mother would have acted differently. At a minimum, she would have been a lot more expressive in telling him to rest, in spite of any embarrassment and protests on Sasuke's part. Then she would have doted on him, checking in several times to bring water, take his temperature, and ask how he was feeling.
But Itachi was much more inclined to hand someone a few pieces of instruction before letting them fend for themselves. Mother was the only one who ever really gave Sasuke what he needed.
Then again, she probably would have figured out he wasn't really sick. Then she would've meted out a proper scolding or even grounding before marching him back to class.
But he still liked imagining her here. At least she cared enough to ensure he stayed on track.
Maybe she would have been concerned instead, though. Why would he feign illness when he rarely complained about going to school?
But Mother wasn't here. And Itachi wasn't warm like her, regardless of how much he might care or try to be nice.
He didn't figure out Sasuke was faking because he couldn't afford to stop and actually give his little brother the time of day. He was always rushing off, and then Sasuke felt guilty for resenting that because it wasn't like Brother was running off to play.
Missions, training, being a sensei, administering the household, investigating Madara…
Then again, maybe Itachi did goof off a bit... Maybe he spent less time with his little brother so that he could play in spite of his responsibilities.
'Am I just another chore to Nii san?'
If Brother actually wanted to be around more, wouldn't he make the time? If he couldn't do that, maybe he deserved to feel bad about his neglect. If that's what it took to remind him that Sasuke was there and waiting for Itachi to give a crap for once…
With a huff, Sasuke rolled over and buried his face in his arms.
None of this was fair, at all. Everything he needed was gone with no chance of return. Father and Mother and everyone were such good people, and yet…
Madara took them away. And, as if that weren't enough, he also sort of took Nii san away by distracting him. Surely, if Madara was killed, Itachi would have one less thing stealing his time?
But Brother was always distracted, even before the Massacre. And there wasn't much that could be done about that, because 'it's not fair' was a very poor argument against Itachi's very real responsibilities.
Sasuke lifted his head and let his eyes adjust to the light.
Apparently Nii san could only give so much, which was frustrating, but then Sasuke had to criticize his own resentment because Itachi's responses to everything made sense. At least on the surface.
But it was confusing because there were other problems that were difficult to put a finger on but existed nonetheless. Nii san was complicated, and it was hard to know what to think of him.
Leaning on the pillow, Sasuke closed his eyes, thoughts going on and on. Fatigue pulled, and he slowly surrendered to it.
'You hate me, don't you?'
Sasuke's eyes flashed open at the memory of Itachi's voice.
The sunlight edging the blinds was much firmer in its brightness… He must have drifted off for a while, even though it didn't feel like a long time.
A quick glance at the clock showed that it's been a little over an hour.
Hunger gnawed at his stomach, reminding him that he hadn't had breakfast. But, of course, Nii san wasn't there to feed him.
Sighing, he rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen.
It wasn't like Itachi made his breakfast every morning anyway, and Sasuke wasn't really sick, so maybe complaining now was bratty, but...well…
Rummaging around the kitchen, he found an apple, washed it off, and took a bite.
The green fruit's tangy sweetness burst into his mouth as he chewed absentmindedly.
Thinking about everything going on, it was hard to have any enthusiasm, and dwelling on all the things Itachi couldn't do was far too easy.
Nii san was amazing at everything except being there. He didn't have to be kind and attentive because he got everything he needed by being talented.
And no one else could shine while Nii san was around. Sasuke could do good in school over and over, but no matter what, it wasn't enough. Being the top of the class didn't earn Father's love because Itachi shattered the ceiling represented by that accomplishment and charged on to things that were even better.
And, apparently, anything less than Itachi wasn't worth more than a glance.
That was just one of the bad things that came from Nii san, and doing something about it wasn't really possible because Itachi was good and never meant to hurt anyone. Mother would have been the better person to get stuck with, because she handled everything without fail, whether it was taking care of him or being kind and present. Why couldn't she have survived instead?
Sasuke paused mid bite and frowned.
The memory that woke him from his nap came back. Itachi's smile; a little bitter, but managing to be kind and accepting nonetheless. And then he said something convicting:
'You hate me, don't you?'
By now, the apple was just a core, but Sasuke made no move to throw it away.
Itachi obviously noticed his little brother's resentment. Why was it so hard to break out of this loop of horrible thoughts? Surely it hurt Nii san - and surely it was wrong to be so negative towards a family member…
At least Big Brother was sort of there sometimes. By contrast, Father was a blatant source of rejection. Where it was easy to wonder how much Itachi cared, one had to ask if Father cared at all.
The weird thing about that was Sasuke still wanted to prove Father wrong; to be the one that was loved and admired for once. But why chase after that when it didn't matter? Who cared if Father loved him?
None of it made sense, but the issue was still there and painful anyway.
Itachi's attention was also hard to get, though not to the same degree. And unlike Father, Nii san was more of a rival than someone that needed to be impressed.
But if Sasuke was the only child, impressing Father would've been easy. With no sibling to compare with, being the 'top of the class' would have been enough to prove he was a desirable son and heir.
Heading for the waste bin, he discarded the inedible remnants of his meal.
There were so many other things he wished to throw away just as easily.
Shutting the lid to the trash can, he trudged back to his room.
He didn't...hate Nii san, right? He just...was reaching for something, anything, that would make things better. But no solution presented itself, just grief and abandonment.
The resentment coiling within him was terrifying. Who was he to feel that way when he knew it would hurt Nii san?
It would be better to understand who Nii san was and why things were so unsatisfactory. But more and more, Sasuke wasn't sure he liked the answers he was discovering.
Deep down, there was a sliver of fear - an instinct that said all would eventually add up to something he really, really didn't like.
It was just an inkling, and not one he was keen on poking awake. The deepest whys and hows and possibilities mattered far less than what was happening now. At present, there was nothing to be done about them. They were so far away and so undesirable that they were nonsense to think about.
Or, at least, that's what he told himself.
So the day pressed on, lazy and depressing until he regretted faking. With him being too frustrated to actually do much, the hours went by rather boringly.
Rin didn't come by again, which made it worse. A visit would have broken the monotony with someone that cared a little more than Itachi did, but this didn't seem to be a day where Sasuke mattered to anyone.
What if he didn't actually matter much to Rin at all? Maybe she just needed someone to talk to at school and didn't care for more unless she felt lonely...
When Itachi came back in the evening, he asked about symptoms again, and offered to check for a fever.
A temperature reading would blow Sasuke's cover - thermometers didn't lie after all - so he fibbed and said he already felt better.
Then again, maybe he should let Itachi figure out the truth. Maybe that would clue him in on all his failures, and then he'd wake up and feel bad enough to change them.
But if Nii san hadn't done that by now, he didn't exactly deserve to know. Withholding that information was one of the few ways to get back at Itachi for all the little irritations he caused.
The good times with Nii san were nice, but they were terrible too, because it made it so confusing when things were rough and Brother was absent. It was like Itachi would do a bad thing and there was no recourse because he'd been so wonderful when he actually was there.
Then again...was it really ok to leave things this way? Did he want to constantly be dismissed and overlooked, never acknowledged as useful or important?
No. He still needed to get powerful enough to kill Madara. He owed it to that monster, who mutilated every good thing in his life. What was that thing Itachi said? 'Don't worry yourself over that man,' or some nonsense like that.
Sasuke would kill that stupid murderer and rub the victory in Nii san's face.
That's what Itachi would get for ignoring and underestimating his little brother for so long.
…..
Father liked alcohol. And being a bum. Ayame liked to be everywhere he was not.
He couldn't hurt her if she wasn't home.
It was a very simple, logical solution. Unfortunately, there were a few holes in it.
She still had to eat, and Academy students had a harder time raising money without raising suspicion. And a lot of the money she did raise had to be set aside so she could move out the minute she turned sixteen.
But as there were limits to her behavior, there were also limits on Father's. He had to sleep eventually. Those were the ideal times to come in, grab some food for the next few days, and take a nap in her own bed.
The rest of the time she slept elsewhere. On the roof, in the backyard, in the training grounds, at the library, during recess...whatever worked, so long as her grades didn't slip and no one questioned her.
When she was really little, she cried the first few times Father slapped her. But eventually, she just got resentful and learned how to dodge the worst of everything.
Not that that always worked. The man pitched a fit over things so unpredictable they were practically random. He called her ungrateful when she criticized him. Apparently she was supposed to enjoy having a roof over her head so much that she forgot everything else.
It wasn't like he worked to provide for her. He got money from Konoha every month because a mission injury screwed up his chakra system when she was still a toddler.
Unpleasant as this all was, it still took a few years to internalize the abnormality of her situation. She was at the market on that blessed day, and it was one of the few times when it wasn't annoying to hear people's tongues wag. Well, for a little while, anyway.
A lady started gossiping about an Uchiha Policeman knocking on a neighbor's door. Ayame took her sweet time selecting tomatoes just to hear the end of the story.
Turns out the Uchiha was there to arrest the neighbor for beating his own son.
The two other ladies had their own reactions to the situation. Headshaking, disapproval… Sort of like any time they wanted to tsk about someone. Though one of them did seem a little emotionally burdened...
'Does the boy have other family there for him?'
'I don't think so. Poor little thing.'
Ayame shoved the last tomato in her bag as the chatter drifted to something boring. She paid for the vegetables and strode off to the next errand.
So Father's behavior was uncommon. Or at least not allowed. Funny how she never thought of that before. Then again, she rarely considered authority figures and rules unless it was necessary.
Somehow, she wasn't comforted by what she heard.
'Poor little thing.'
The more those words ran through her head, the more her heart pounded. Tenseness crept into her muscles, but she made herself release it. Taunt, jerky body language only made people ask why she was angry.
She didn't want questions. It was pretty clear what they would bring.
'Poor little thing.'
Apparently, that was how people in her position were seen.
But she wasn't a poor little thing. Father was just pathetic and she didn't want to be hit anymore. Simple as that.
Technically, there wasn't anything wrong with their reaction, because supposedly it meant they cared and would side with her, but it was unsettling just the same.
And that feeling stayed and nagged even as she finished her tasks. The sun started to set, and she made her way back to the house.
She entered through the unlocked window in her bedroom. Sneaking in unnoticed was more important than keeping hypothetical robbers out. Although she was ordered to get these groceries, that meant nothing if her parent was in a bad mood.
Treading lightly, she glanced at the living room while creeping by. Thankfully, Father was passed out on the couch.
Very quietly she cooked dinner, preparing enough to ensure there were leftovers for Father. The less he had to complain about, the better.
Oil hissed as she spooned the chopped ingredients in the pan. The kitchen was just far enough from the living room that the noise probably wouldn't prod the sleeping jerk awake.
Now a few minutes of waiting were needed for the ingredients to soften and brown around the edges. Plenty of time for earlier thoughts to come back.
Bubbles simmered around the food in the pan, holding her gaze.
'Poor little thing.'
That still didn't sound any better.
She stirred the meal, making sure everything was cooked before moving it off the burner.
Wolfing her food down took slightly longer than normal, which wasn't a pleasant thing. Being distracted with these thoughts almost felt like foolish daydreaming.
But it wasn't, right? This was simply a matter of problem solving. And one thing became obvious today: She was never going to tell anyone about her trouble with Father. Ever.
She might say something insulting about him, but nothing to indicate what she went through. If people found out and got angry or offended by her secrecy, it would only show their true colors. If they really cared, they would respect her decision, instead of freaking out the minute they didn't get to play hero.
After her meal, she scrubbed everything down and put the food and dishes away. Some of the mess was Father's, too, but it was better for him to come back later and see everything 'magically' clean. He never had a shred of gratitude, but having her efforts go unnoticed was better than giving someone another trigger point.
Anything for a little peace and quiet.
Maybe peace and quiet was why she would be silent about him. According to those ladies, people that beat their children went to jail, so there was nothing to fear in terms of her parent retaliating.
But she didn't need an arrest to happen. She learned how to handle Father by now. Aside from some rare issues, the problem was mitigated.
Saying that after introducing people to her past wouldn't make much difference, though. They'd still gossip to their friends as if her life's story was just another series of events to disapprove of. If they intervened somehow, they'd act like they did her a favor and demand her gratitude when in actuality, they'd merely devalue her as a pathetic waif to rescue in order to fulfill their social duty.
Knowing that made it where she could almost feel their saccharine emotions - or at least the ones they would have. And that hurt like nothing else.
Hard to say exactly what they should feel or do instead, but their current ways certainly weren't right. Maybe they'd act like that to ease the distress they felt upon hearing her story, but if that was the case, why tell them about something that would only bring them emotional unease?
Either way, she wasn't going to bear the brunt of their pity just so they could feel better. What good would it do, anyway? No matter the case, she just...didn't want their help. It wouldn't give her the kind of peace and quiet she wanted.
But if she didn't want what they had to offer, she had to do something else. Father was still insufferable, after all. Even if he was manageable, he wasn't tolerable over the long term.
Daydreaming was frivolous, but that's almost what she did constantly for the next couple days while figuring things out.
She stared ahead and fidgeted with her pencil as Nara sensei droned on and on. A sudden tap jerked her from her reveries - a piece of chalk thrown at her desk because she didn't respond to the teacher's question.
Her face burned as the class giggled, but she stood up straight and did her best to answer once Sensei repeated himself.
A couple weeks later, she learned that legally, sixteen was the age when Konoha citizens were deemed old enough to move out on their own and have full autonomy over their decisions.
She was only seven at the time, so sixteen felt like a lifetime away. In reality, it was longer than that. Waiting until then would take more years than she'd already been alive.
But if she kept silent and patient until that age, there was no way anyone could contest her decision to move out and leave her parent. Then she wouldn't have to put up with a messy fight between her, Father, the Hokage, or anyone else that decided to meddle in her decision.
That would certainly fulfill the peace and quiet she wanted, so patient she would be. Passivity and idleness wasn't included in that equation, though.
There were, in general, two things she needed: To be free of Father without incurring pity and problems, and the means to sustain and build the life she wanted once she did escape.
Nice thing was, she already sort of had the building and sustaining part in the palm of her hands. A career path, essentially - exactly what Konoha's ninja academy happened to be.
She couldn't wait to go out on missions, because then she could easily spend weeks out of the village with no reason to see her parent. And even when she was in the village, she'd have money to buy meals and stay out of the house even longer. That could all be accomplished at the age of twelve, long before she obtained her own dwelling.
So she did good work and poured herself into meeting or even exceeding the requirements. Each new year, with each new teacher, she made sure to prove herself. And it wasn't merely about looking good and getting placed on the best team. Gaining that sense of accomplishment was amazing, and it helped fix traces of fear and misery she didn't even know she had.
That part of the shinobi career path felt more real each passing day. For her, it wasn't just about getting a way to make money and pay rent.
When she stayed in the house and ate the food Father supplied with the money Konoha gave him, he had an excuse to demand things from her. The presumption was that, since he gave her something, the least she could do was respect and help him.
That would make more sense if he wasn't drunk and dangerous so much of the time, but he was definitely both those things. Since he was that depraved, he had no qualms with using the guise of providing for her as an excuse to act as he pleased. He wasn't asking her to give him money or any physical item, but he practically asked that she give up her autonomy and right to stand up for herself.
Anything given came with a price. Getting help for this situation would come at the price of pity or tying her fate to society or whoever rescued her. There was no reason to give anyone else the chance to demand gratitude or resources or anything else from her. If anything, wasn't it better to be the one that earned gratitude, rather than the one that owed it to someone else?
Mission money was fine to accept, because that was given in equal exchange for work that she actually did. If people gave her what she was owed and then stayed out of the way, she desired no more and no less. That left little room for someone to demand anything, because her end of the bargain was already paid.
And then...as she fulfilled her missions, she would get better and better, becoming the one that always knew how to get stuff done and keep her comrades safe. Then she would finally gain the most important thing of all: Respect. Genuine respect, not just people saying they respected her before going back to feeling sorry for her.
She plowed toward that goal, even though it wasn't always easy.
Winter drove her indoors, and she had to be careful when taking refuge in the house. Sometimes she hid out under the bed to prolong the time she could be home without Father noticing.
Talking and dealing with him was still inevitable at times, even if she was usually good at avoiding beatings.
Sometimes he did happen upon her while she was busy in the kitchen, and he ranted and raved about things as if she was supposed to care. Responding in those instances was risky.
Why did he bother going on and on like that? If he actually cared about what she thought, wouldn't he do a better job listening when she criticized or gave an opinion?
Things were what they were, though. She could put up with that annoyance if it meant getting ahead.
All her other efforts payed off when she managed to skip a year. Another girl, Shiho, did the same, which made them the youngest in their class. The blond wasn't the best at taijutsu, but she was doing something right if she was getting further ahead than the other students. And that was something.
Everything was perfect until Ayame was a few weeks into her last Academy year. One morning Sensei was rather late, so the only thing for the students to do was twiddle their thumbs, chat, or, in Ayame's case, start reading the next chapter in the textbook.
Eventually, the door slid open, and the teacher stepped into the room with an unfamiliar girl at his side.
'This is Haku kun. He's new to Konoha and this class, so please make him feel welcome.'
Oh. Boy, not girl.
The teacher introduced Haku in a sterile manner - the typical way that was supposed to foster kindness in people. But no matter how nicely Sensei described the ice user's situation, rumors still floated about.
Not everyone was openly hostile, but there was unease and even anger. Most of the kids just didn't express it to Haku's face.
Missing nin. Traitor. Murderer. Suspicious…
There was a lot Sensei wasn't telling, though many of the students' mutterings were confirmed by the circumstances and were probably true.
No mention was made from the adults about Haku being homeschooled or transferred from elsewhere. Though if he was transferred, he'd probably still be a foreigner, since there was only one Ninja Academy in Konoha.
If he was starting shinobi training for the first time, he'd be in the beginner class. Plus, from their sparring and jutsu lessons, it was clear that he already mastered the basics.
There was also some anger in the village. One of her classmates' parents worked in the Hokage Tower processing paperwork and saw some forms changing Haku's nuke nin status to that of a pending Konoha citizenship.
So he was a missing nin. That meant he's already spent time running around, fighting and surviving and all that, so Ayame watched and waited to see what he could do.
He was good at sparring and 'learning' new jutsu. Except something about that learning seemed slightly too easy, as if he already knew the skills and was just pretending.
But oh did he suck at math, and he was always so damn proud of himself. If he was powerful enough to deserve that arrogance, he should just prove it to everyone so he could graduate early.
So, what, was he slacking off? Was he afraid to go out in the field, or did he want his skills undiscovered so he could stay with the ease of the Academy longer? Or, maybe, this was an attempt to hide how capable and therefore dangerous he actually was.
If that was the case, who did he think he was fooling? A nuke nin was always known to be threatening, and anyone that payed attention could tell he was better than he let on.
Weeks passed, and Sensei kept splitting everyone into teams of two or three for projects. Now and then Ayame wondered if this was a test to measure team dynamics before selection.
Hopefully not. One particular project left her partnered with Haku, and it would have turned out so much better if she did it herself.
That assignment counted for a lot, and he dragged her down. Yet, he managed to maintain an undercurrent of arrogance through it all, and that was Ayame's final trigger point.
Whatever his reasons for holding himself back, he made it obvious that he would also hold her back. He didn't care, apparently, about the wellbeing of himself or anyone else, and that wasn't acceptable.
So ultimately, it didn't matter why he was slacking. Shinobi life wasn't a place for excuses. If he was going to be here, he needed to do better.
So, she started pushing back against his mess ups. "Can't even do that right, Pretty Boy?" Whatever happened to be a fitting reaction to what he was doing at the moment.
That...certainly did wonders for their relationship. It went from vaguely tense to something that erupted into a glare or argument any time they interacted.
Still, she wasn't planning on backing down anytime soon. Sure, the commentary was rude, but that didn't make it any less true. If he was angry, he'd have to do something useful about it.
In the meantime, she could only hope that Sensei wasn't using the group projects to figure out team assignments. Well, unless these 'tests' proved that putting her with Haku was a bad idea.
Whether or not the team projects were a test, Sensei still pulled her, Haku and Shiho aside half way through the year and congratulated them on earning a chance to graduate early.
Huh. So, after everything, this was the team she would end up with? Shiho was fine, but Haku...
She wasn't about to open her mouth, though. As much as she'd rather not work with him, she did want to enter the field as soon as possible. She could tolerate Haku if it meant escaping the Academy early, which didn't seem to be in the cards before now.
That didn't mean she looked forward to being a genin with him.
And then they met their Jonin sensei. He wasn't particularly special. She really didn't know what she was expecting, but part of her deflated after seeing that her sensei was so young.
She'd heard about Itachi, to be sure. Supposedly he was a genius and one of the Academy's earliest graduates.
But just because he was a good fighter didn't mean he was good at everything else. Haku was like that too - skilled in one area and lacking in a lot of other things that mattered.
That's why it wasn't a big deal when Itachi easily defeated her during his initial assessment of the team. Raw power and skill was a bare minimum for his job. He didn't get any points for that.
Anyway, she and Haku squabbled as expected, and Itachi generally ignored it. That was good, because she didn't exactly like to be interrupted, but it was weird since most teachers weren't that passive. Maybe Itachi didn't see a reason to scold them since they weren't in a classroom lecture.
But, during even the most simple D ranks, Itachi gave few, if any, reprimands. Even when it was clear that Haku did almost everything half heartedly.
Aside from honing their skills, Itachi's job was to ensure they were performing well during missions. So why didn't he say more when he needed to?
She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something off about the way Itachi reacted to things. Sometimes he seemed annoyed, but stayed silent. It had to be that he was afraid to do something about Haku's behavior, or just didn't know how. There was no way he didn't notice the feuding and slacking.
As for Shiho...well, she needed work, but at least she had a good attitude.
So the team wasn't perfect. That was...ok. Or so she told herself. She did get out of the Academy faster and was one step closer to real missions.
But it was still disappointing. One reason she worked so hard was to get on a good team. One that could make her advance, preferably, but now that she thought about it, a sensei that could lead well would be nice too.
The fact that he couldn't meant she had to pick up the slack, but technically she couldn't do that fully without looking insubordinate. Normally she'd just do as she pleased, but seeming uncooperative would endanger promotions she might otherwise receive.
Their first 'serious' mission - one where they were trying to kill something that could kill them - acted as the final straw on this whole issue.
Haku didn't lift a finger when the boar almost ran Shiho down. Yes, Shiho should have dodged on her own, and yes, she actually managed to do so and was alive and well.
Even so, Haku was close enough to do something. Inaction might have been excusable if he looked worried or at least moved like he was about to save their blond teammate.
But he didn't give a crap. Or if he did, it was only in the nasty way of wanting someone to get hurt.
Itachi didn't breathe a word then, not even to admonish Shiho's hesitancy towards a threat, and that broke a good bit of Ayame's own silence.
She wanted to think highly of the Uchiha. Maybe it was a subtle thing left over from hearing that two of them pulled a child away from a parent that sounded much like hers, but that didn't mean she would give Itachi a free pass that he didn't deserve.
And a free pass wasn't deserved. Not yet. Not when this little Uchiha had absolutely no guts to speak of. There was a problem he wasn't fixing, so she'd tackle it the only way she knew how.
She still had to be careful, lest she cross a line that got her in trouble...but it was hard not to just say things sometimes. And if Itachi grew enough of a spine to counter her unruly behavior, he'd gain the ability to do the same with Haku.
In the meantime, why stop if she could get away with it? Why not just keep going until something happened and Itachi was finally forced to step up? Everyone would be better off if that happened.
Haku was still the biggest thorn in her side, though. His attitude would make things dangerous or at least burdensome. And even though Shiho wasn't her best friend in the world, she didn't want to see her get hurt just because Haku was an entitled lazy brat. His unwillingness to do anything worthwhile was just a bit like Father's.
Except... Haku didn't have alcoholism as an excuse.
Why was it that she was the only one on the team that truly put out effort?
When they went after that brown tabby feline for their most recent mission, Haku just kinda stood there with his arms folded. It was like he was merely tagging along. When called out for that behavior, all he could do was mock and jeer.
Itachi put a genjutsu on the cat, so carrying the animal would have been such a nice - and easy - opportunity for Haku to assist. But the ice user ignored anything she said on the matter. Could he not even deign to get his hands dirty?
Ayame didn't even think she was allergic to cats until they caught that blasted animal, but that was the only explanation behind her sudden symptoms.
She pushed through and got the mission done, in spite of her own discomfort. So why couldn't Haku do the same?
But then she actually had a reason to push through everything. There was something she wanted on the other side. Haku, apparently, had absolutely no incentive to care, not even when he saw one of them in danger.
That was...horrible. He was horrible, to not even bat an eye when poor Shiho almost got ran over by a boar, or to ignore when one of his teammates needed a hand.
Sure, Shiho was kinda weak and needed to take things up a notch, but at least she wasn't causing blatant problems. She volunteered to help, instead of being a bump on a log. And she certainly didn't act derisive whenever one of her flaws were pointed out.
If anything, Haku seemed to delight in the danger and discomfort his teammates faced, even when it came to simple things like Ayame's cat allergies.
Sadistic freak. What would he be like when they were on real missions?
She contemplated the situation as she chopped vegetables for supper.
Today was one of the days when she was unlucky and Father wasn't passed out on the couch, so she stayed quiet as possible to reduce the chances of him throwing a fit.
He decided to hang out in the kitchen, which was normally hazardous. But there were exceptions to everything, including Father's behavior. Now and then even he was kinda sober.
She could tell this was one of those times because his demeanor was slightly different. He wasn't nice, but he was more coordinated and articulate.
In some ways, that made him more scary. She didn't want trouble from him now of all times. There were already enough annoyances... Like the fact that when Itachi actually did bother to mete out disciplinary words, they tended to be directed at her…
"Heard that Kiri nin is on your team."
She halted mid slice, but quickly went back to work after processing Father's words and thinking over a response. In this case, a simple reply was probably best. "Yes."
Except Haku wasn't actually a Kiri nin. Not anymore.
"What do you think of him?"
A frown tugged at the corner of Ayame's mouth, which was fine since she faced away from her old man.
What was this? When had he ever taken an interest in her life?
But he wasn't actually interested, was he? He was just looking for information, and from the derisive tone in Father's words, a negative comment was what he'd like to hear.
"Useless," she muttered. That was too quiet, so she repeated the reply louder to avoid trouble: "He's useless."
"Kiri nin make their way by stabbing people in the back." The response came quickly, and with so much bitterness that Ayame was almost surprised. The man's anger usually felt like pointless rage. This, however, seemed based in something, like an experience.
"Konoha doesn't need another traitor, Girl. You'll keep away from that brat, if you're smart."
Something in her bristled...probably at the insinuation that she was only smart if she did as he liked. But, out loud, she just said 'Ok' and let it be.
She didn't favor Haku, either. From what she understood, Haku was captured and brought in, likely because he and the other nuke nin were terrorizing civilians or doing something that made people hate them. She already knew he wasn't trustworthy.
But wow did Father put it too simply… It was like he was responding to Haku's label as a foreigner rather than how the boy's past would realistically influence his actions.
And the fact that Father told her to avoid Haku - something she definitely did outside of training - meant she was technically obeying Father long before he said anything. They were both motivated out of disdain for the ice user.
That put her in a place where she actually had to accept a similarity between her and her parent… And realize that she was inadvertently doing his bidding.
There actually was a difference between them though: Father never met Haku, much less had a true reason to hate him. Ayame based her reaction on pure, simple reality seen with her own eyes.
Yet...that didn't keep her agitation from growing out of the parallel between Father's outlook and hers. Absolutely nothing about that man was worth copying.
She threw the cut vegetables in the pot and narrowed her eyes at the rising bubbles in the soup.
Haku wasn't a Kiri nin, he was a rogue. And he was more of a sadistic brat than a traitor. Those were facts that she was tempted to defend, but didn't dare to.
Truth was truth, but she was too afraid to utter it because of a jerk that never did a good thing in her eleven years of existence.
She grabbed the ladle and stirred the food, but nearly stopped when an odd thought came:
If Father was bad, then maybe his perception of right and wrong was bad too. If such a terrible person hated something, then wasn't there a chance that that thing was actually good?
She stared down at her hands, narrowing her eyes as she actually did halt her movements.
'If our roles were switched, do you think Konoha would have found you useful enough to spare?'
Haku said that not long before Itachi first sparred with them to evaluate their skills. For his ice release alone, she had to acknowledge that he had a reason to be spared by Konoha, while she would not have. Not that she'd ever say so out loud.
But then...Father was worth even less by this point. What did he have to offer anyone? If given a practical choice between an ice user with potential and an inebriated bum with malfunctioning chakra, who would be worth protecting?
Her grip tightened around the ladle as the question sunk in. Vapor curled up from the broth laden water on the stove, and the liquid seethed on as certain things became abundantly clear.
Tch.
'Stupid old drunk. Don't tell me how to live my life.'
...
...
((It's been a lot of fun to explore the details of how Itachi's genin see the world. Ayame herself was an interesting case since she reacts to her horrible situation in a way that's rather unorthodox compared to what people typically expect. Not nearly everyone would feel the same in her shoes, and she'd probably act a little different if she had a sibling to look after. But I believe it's important to stay true to the character's perspective, and show how complex and varied people's reactions are to different challenges.
Anyway, what do you guys think? Any interesting observations about the characters so far? I've love to hear your reactions in the reviews!))