I've always been a people person. Getting new people to like me became like a talent of mine growing up. But after I met Paul, the people I met became carefully filtered through his gaze and I didn't necessarily worry or have to try too hard to get people to like me. They just liked me because they knew Paul. I worried I was losing my talent, but being on a campus with a ton of other kids who are all the same age as you, with the same lost look as you, made it easy for me to rediscover my talent. I missed this Maya. This part of me that's sure and free and welcomes the unknown because it's on my terms. Welcome back, me.
I just wish Paul was here to see this old me reemerge. I think he'd like her.
Maya sank down onto her dorm room bed. After she had landed, she easily found the driver Paul had gotten her and he helped her stow her three suitcases in the back of the SUV before heading toward campus. Maya had called Paul but made sure not to linger on the phone too long, acutely aware of his absence and their new normal for the time being. She could already hear the ache in his voice.
As she opened and closed her fists, trying to eliminate the sharp pulse of pain working through her hands, Maya felt the hollowing within her begin. The sting of tears wasn't far behind and for the first time in a very long time, she felt truly cold.
She was trying desperately to keep the ache at bay. She told herself that if she could just make it until she started class she would have a proper diversion. But now, in the dimming light of her dorm room, Maya took a long shuddering breath and felt utterly and overwhelmingly alone. She let a rush of sadness pull through her for a only a moment before she shot up, grabbed her keys that she had stowed on her new Columbia lanyard that had been waiting on her bed for her, and left her room in search of mail room to pick up her boxes that she and Paul had shipped a couple of weeks ago.
Maya convinced herself that if she just kept moving, and found equal purpose to pair with that movement, that she could outrun the ache that the imprint threatened. She told Paul she needed to do this and she would, but that didn't mean it wasn't going to hurt like hell.
When she made it to the elevator and clicked the button for the lobby, a few other people piled in with her. She gave them tentative smiles and was sure she looked like a frazzled mess from her entire day of travelling. The group was easily chatting away and Maya crossed her arms and looked at her feet. She didn't look up until the elevator dinged and they all spilled out into the lobby of their dorm building. Maya navigated her way across campus with the help of mingling students and strategically placed campus maps to find the mail room. Since it was nearing almost 6 o'clock, the mail room was fairly empty save for the massive stacks of boxes and suitcases shipped from students around the world no doubt. Maya ran a hand through her hair and tapped her key on the counter to see if someone would pop up.
"Hello?" she called out. She heard a shuffling and groaning coming from the back room and for a moment she thought she'd stumbled across an intimate scene. Maya was relieved when two young guys came struggling out of the back room—one was tall with dark brown hair with his back to Maya and the other was a red-haired boy who looked too young to be on a college campus. The dark haired boy was shifting the dolly back and forth and grunting with effort to try and make it move.
"Dude what the fuck is wrong with this thing?!" he said.
"I don't know man, it was fucking working before you piled on this shit on it!" the red-haired boy replied. Maya watched as they struggled it around the front of the counter, half carrying and half pulling a dolly ladened down with a stack of boxes that teetered dangerously.
"Uh," Maya said, gracefully announcing her presence. The dark haired boy set the dolly up straight with a huff of air dramatically and shot Maya a wayward smile.
"Fuck me, am I right?" he joked. Maya just stared, confused.
"What can I help you with?" the red-haired kid asked. Maya looked to him quickly, noticed his name tag said Ethan, and gave him a gentle smile.
"I need to pick up some boxes," Maya said. Both of the boys groaned simultaneously and threw their heads back dramatically. Maya looked from Ethan to the dark haired boy in confusion.
"You might have to come back tomorrow. All of the dolly's are in use and that dolly's broken. I don't even know how we're going to get Noah's shit out of here," Ethan said. Maya looked to the dark haired boy.
"Noah?" Maya asked. He gave her a mock, lazy salute. She nodded and leaned down next to the dolly lifting the small stopper that acted as a stabilizing brake with a sharp click. Maya stood up and gave a tight lipped smile. "Should be good." Noah watched her with an amused smile on his face. He leaned the dolly back and easily swiveled it back and forth before dropping it forward with a sharp clatter.
"The fuck Ethan!?" he said in a teasing voice, "There's a fucking brake on these things?!"
"I didn't know!" Ethan protested. Noah looked to Maya again.
"Let me guess, Robotics?" he asked. Maya quirked an eyebrow.
"Engineering mechanics," Maya retorted.
"I should probably drop out," he murmured to himself. Maya let out a little laugh and the sound drew Noah's attention. She turned back to Ethan.
"So, my boxes?" she asked.
"Sure! Name?" Ethan asked with a relieved sigh.
"Maya Sunriviere."
"Give me just a second," Ethan said, disappearing into the back room.
"I'm Noah," Noah said with the goofiest grin Maya had ever seen. Maya scoffed a laugh at his extended hand and reached toward it to shake it.
"I know," she confirmed. After a beat where he didn't let go of her hand she said, "I'm Maya."
"Nice to meet you, Maya," he said kindly. "I'm studying civil engineering, so you know—" he trailed off.
"Oh, so we're doomed?" Maya quipped. Noah gave a solid laugh and Maya smiled back. Ethan came back from the back room with a clipboard. He handed the clipboard to Noah who signed it and handed it back before turning to Maya and flipping to the next page for her to sign.
"Four boxes from Seattle, Washington?" he confirmed.
"That's the one," Maya said with a pang in her stomach. She was absolutely done for if just the mention of her state set off the ache.
"Well, I'm since I'm out of dolly's for the moment and the school hasn't come up with a better way of transporting student stuff, you'll either have to wait until someone comes back in the next ten minutes before we close or bribe Noah," Ethan said.
"Ah, she can take mine. I'm clearly not licensed to operate this thing anyway," Noah said.
"Oh, no!" Maya protested. "No, I'll wait, I don't mind, really. Please." Maya held up her hands.
"You sure? This baby swivels like nothing else. And you're freshman right? What hall are you in?" Noah was talking with ease, always with an air of humor in his voice as if a joke was right around the corner. It reminded her a little bit of Quil.
"Uh, Carman Hall," Maya replied, not sure if she should be advertising her living quarters to a complete stranger. But this was college after all.
"Carman Hall?! That's clear across campus. You're gonna want this thing!" Noah insisted on starting to take his boxes off the dolly.
"No! It's okay!" Maya protested. Ethan was watching with a bemused look on his face. And as Noah continued despite Maya's protesting, a couple of girls walked in with dolly's to return. "See!" Maya said, relieved. She took the dolly from one of the girls with a smile and removed the handle, laid the dolly down, and redeposited the handle so that she could pull it like a cart.
"What the fuck?!" Noah said. Maya couldn't help but laugh as she pulled the cart back behind the counter following Ethan to get her boxes. When she re-emerged, Noah was still standing there. She internally groaned—the nice thing about living on a small reservation was that no one messed with you when they knew your boyfriend was a massive man who was part of your community's elite protection group. But across the country, Maya was unknown and while that was deliciously freeing, she forgot that that meant warding off an inevitable onslaught of men. As she wheeled her cart toward the door, Noah rushed to hold it open for her.
"Oh, no thanks, I got it!" Maya once again tried to protest reaching to hold the door as Noah craned is 6'1" frame around her with too much effort to hold it open for her. Noah laughed as the two of them tried to hold the door open together and render each other useless. When Maya successfully navigated out the door, Noah was quick to follow her with his dolly. She picked up her pace across campus, but Noah was pretty determined. She really didn't want to drop the 'I have a boyfriend' card but desperate times…
"So you're studying engineering mechanics, what's your focus?" Noah started. With a sigh, Maya kept her sights forward trying to remember the way back to her dorm.
"Biomechanics," Maya said quickly.
"Makes sense. There's a great federal facility out in Seattle that does a lot of biomechanical and environmental engineering projects to help communities," Noah said.
"Yeah, I know," Maya said, only somewhat surprised that he knew that.
"That means, you'll have Killicki for most of your undergrad. He can be a real shit. But your choice of advisors are pretty solid. Jarvins or Rosenburg are a good choice, I'd stay away from Collins though. I hear he's kind of sexist and pretty sure he made a pass at one of cohort last year during freshman orientation." Noah rattled on and Maya only half listened. Despite the original unwelcome she'd given Noah, she was glad for the company at least for now. When she stopped at a four way cross section on the main quad, Noah gestured easily to the left. "Carman Hall's this way."
"Thanks," Maya said as she followed him. He gave her a reassuring smile.
"So you're from Seattle?" Noah continued. Maya just nodded, lips pursed. "That's pretty cool. I'm from Ohio. Little place called Columbus. Half Italian, like bad karaoke." Maya could feel him looking at her, "But you probably knew all that." He joked.
"Huh?" Maya asked, confused.
"Well, anyone who knows the secret inner workings of the common dolly is pretty well versed in the secrets of the universe," Noah quipped.
"Your identity is not a secret of the universe," Maya shot back.
"Oooh, good one," they made it to Carman Hall and Noah held the door open for her again. Maya didn't know if she was interested in him following her up to her dorm room, but she didn't really feel like she had a choice at the moment, "So tell me, did you rehearse this taciturn demeanor to ward off most personalities or is there like another reason?"
Maya raised her eyebrow in annoyance and pushed her cart into the waiting elevator. As expected, Noah followed her in.
"Let me guess," he continued. Maya let out a huff of air, "You're married," he proclaimed in a not-so-serious voice. Maya barked a laugh and Noah smiled his goofy grin again.
"No, I'm not married. But I do have a boyfriend," And there it was. Maya spun the ring on her index finger around and waited for the ding for her floor.
"A very protective boyfriend," Noah said. Maya shot him a look.
"How would you know?" she said with a little too much rudeness in her voice.
"You just give off that vibe. Well-protected. Well-liked." He shrugged.
"Rude," Maya accused, a hint of laughter in her voice.
"True?" Noah gave her a sidelong look with a cock of his head as the doors opened to her floor and she wheeled out. Noah didn't follow her. Maya looked at him over her shoulder before flipping him off. He laughed good naturedly as the doors slid closed on him.
Paul shut his driver side door with a loud bang. Maya had only been gone three days and ever since he had been a nonstop ball of motion. He'd taken on extra rounds, spent hours down at the zoning commission office outside of La Push to get approval for the extension, finalized his plans for the renovations, and was helping Jacob scout some areas near the rundown garage he was restoring for a place to live.
He was constantly calling Michael with last minute additions or adjustments to work invoices or plans or when he'd remember something Maya might need in New York. Michael added the extra items to his "Maya Needs Care Package" List which tended to put Paul a little more at ease.
Now, he banged through his front door as he felt the frantic energy rise in his stomach. But he was met with a squeak of surprise—Becks and Jacob quickly shot apart to opposite ends of the couch. Jacob laid his arm nonchalantly across the back of the couch and Becks ran her hand through her hair. They were trying very hard to look like they hadn't been tangled up in each other earlier. Paul, unfairly, was counting down the days to when Becks headed to Northwestern. It was one thing to miss Maya. It was entirely another to be subjected to budding imprint affection that made Paul's ears ring with jealousy.
"Hey man," Jacob said nonchalantly, shooting him a cool look. Paul looked from Jacob to Becks expectantly and then gave a heavy sigh as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and headed toward the kitchen.
"Are you going to be ready to go soon?" Paul asked, an added gruffness to his voice.
"He's a little grumpier these days," Jacob whispered to Becks. But even from his place in the kitchen, Paul could clearly hear him thanks to his enhanced hearing. He gritted his teeth together and opened Maya's most recent message to him as Jacob replied, "Yeah, we're heading out to the old Deep Rock pass yeah?" Paul grunted his affirmation.
Maya had sent Paul a picture of herself in her new dorm room. She'd decorated it with warm lights, her childhood Quileute print blanket, and new pillows she had picked out one weekend in Seattle with Paul. Behind her on the wall, Paul spotted a few printed photos that she'd taken the effort to print out and frame in hand carved wooden frames that he'd made for her this summer as she requested. In them were photos of them together, her, Becks, and Keye, and a photo of the entire pack family at his last birthday party she'd thrown for him. He stared at her face in the image. Her eyes were squeezed shut as a bright wide smile stretched across her soft face. She was wearing a sweatshirt she'd taken from his drawer before she left and some shorts, her feet tucked up under her on her bed.
"You staring at that picture again, dude?" Jacob said. Paul jerked his head up to look at Jacob and gave him a sour look. "Kind of creepy," Jacob joked.
"Shut up," Paul dismissed.
"Man, I really thought you'd gone soft when I came back. But now I know that was just Maya," Jacob gave him that wide goofy smile he was always known for and Paul shook his head.
"Is she gone?" he said gruffly. Jacob rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Mr. Fucking Polite. Let's go." Jacob headed toward the front door and Paul let his eyes scan over the image of Maya and read her last text before following Jacob:
M: Finally finished unpacking! I think we literally thought of everything, except maybe a mini fridge. My roommate Bhaviti brought one, though, and said we could share. I think you'll like her! She took me to this awesome Indian restaurant last night. Did I leave my green sweater at home? I love you, love you, love you.
When they pulled up to the clearing in Deep Rock pass, Paul shoved his hands in his pockets and trailed after Jacob. The clearing was bare except for a dilapidated shed that was slumped to one side. It was ringed with trees and across the way was a river, low down a hill. The infrequent sun sparkled off it's surface as it carried on at a lazy pace. The hush of the trees and rush of the river was comforting and Jacob took a deep breath.
"It's not too far from the garage," Jacob said, "And you built your place right?"
"I did." Paul said, surveying the area. "You want to build it from scratch?" Paul quirked an eyebrow at him curiously. Jacob was good with his hands, always had been, but he'd never dabbled in construction.
"Yeah, it makes more sense long-term," he said hands behind his head, "It's good, right? The land commission is willing to sell it for pretty cheap."
"Not that you couldn't afford it anyway," Paul said as he crossed his arms across his chest, "What will all that bloodsucker money."
"Fuck you," Jacob said without any conviction. It was true that Jacob was quietly wealthy, but only because Carlisle Cullen had been happy to invest in his first garage in Anchorage. One garage quickly grew into six across the state and Jacob lived comfortably off of the ongoing profits they made after he ensured they ran like well oiled machines without him.
"Long-term huh? You building a house for you and Becks, then?" Paul asked. Jacob didn't even seem thrown off by the question. If someone had asked that of him or Maya this early on in their relationship as Jacob and Becks were, Maya would have freaked out and probably skipped town.
Jacob just shrugged and gave a smile, "If she wants it." Paul couldn't help but roll his eyes. She wanted it—everyone could see it. And Jacob was settling into the idea more and more everyday.
"We could lay the foundation before the first snow hits if we're quick about it. Might make the process a little faster in the spring and summer once we actually do the build. Do you have a structure in mind?" Paul asked, all business now and trying to clear Maya from his head.
Jacob gave him a sideways look and gave a pained smile. Paul knew what that meant.
"Fine, send me some ideas and I'll draw up the plans for you to take to the permits office. You need the sale to go through as soon as possible though. We've probably only got 2 months left and we'll need to order stuff ASAP."
Jacob crowed, "You're the best, man. And to think, all these years I took you for a hot headed asshole."
"That assumption still isn't far from the truth. Don't push it." Paul said, turning back to the car. He had to admit, it was a particularly stunning area. The clearing seemed like a perfect place for a two-story family style home with a separate garage where Jacob could do some work. Paul's mind was already churning with ideas as they headed toward the garage next to do some repairs. The garage was close to the main stretch of town and only a few blocks from Clearwater Coffee. Jacob's mechanic skills were already well known around the reservation and he was sure to get good business since everyone had been taking their cars to the auto shop just outside of Forks for years.
Now as they worked in the late afternoon, Paul checked his phone for a text or call from Maya. It was almost automatic at this point, but everytime his phone went off it was always just a text or email from Michael, or his clients, or a question from Sam. He could tell Jacob was getting annoyed that he was stopping so often to check his phone, but Jacob wouldn't dare call him out on it—he was still crashing on his couch, helping him repair his garage, and now designing the home he planned to build for him and Becks. His mouth remained shut.
When Paul's phone rang and he whipped it out of his pocket at light speed, Jacob swallowed an annoyed groan with a fake cough. Paul deflated when he saw the name on the lit up face of the phone.
"Hey Jeremy," he said as he answered. Jacob tried to play it cool and gave sidelong glances toward Paul's turned back trying to pick up on the conversation.
"Hey. Did you have Sidewell Lumber deliver like a shit ton of pine to your studio? Cos it's out front and Mr. DeSoto is pissed." Jeremy replied. Paul could hear a commotion going on in the background. Jeremy had been staying at Paul's loft in Seattle to get him some distance from the Jacob/Becks imprint-fest at home just until Becks left for Northwestern.
"Fuck," Paul scowled, "Tell Mr. DeSoto I'll have the guys come by and move it tomorrow morning. They were supposed to stow it around back."
"That's what I said!" Jeremy huffed.
"Sorry, Jer," Paul pulled a hand down his face.
"It's cool. I'll just get him some samosas from that Indian restaurant on third."
"Good plan, I gotta get back to work. Sorry again."
"No big. See you in a week."
When the line disconnected, Paul checked his messages again just in case, but the last text he sent to Maya was still listed as read. He pulled up her location and zoomed in on the small blue dot on the other side of the country.
"Jesus, Becks told me you track her location, but I didn't think she was serious," Jacob said, peering over his shoulder. Paul shut his phone and shoved it in his back pocket.
"Just wait until Becks leaves for Northwestern. It's going to drive you fucking nuts not knowing where she is and not be able to get to her within a few minutes if you need to. Plus, a college campus where boys fresh out of highschool are just looking to get their dicks wet?" Paul scoffed and went back to tearing down a portion of wall that was molding and rotting away, "It's all you'll fucking think about. Trust me." He tore off parts of the wall and threw it aside, not even turning to look if Jacob was still standing there listening.
But Jacob was still listening. He absently fidgeted with skin on the tips of his fingers and around his nails as he let what Paul said sink in. Over the past few weeks, his relationship with Becks had accelerated. They spent almost every day together and Jacob was growing more and more aware of the fact that the longer he spent with her, the larger the ache grew when they were apart for extended periods of time.
This is why they found themselves tangled up together deeper into the evening on the couch every night in Paul's living room, buying more time together. Jacob had told her some of what happened before he left La Push with the Cullens. She'd listened intently, a serene, even look on her face void of judgement or shock, as he laid it all out there. After, she had placed a hand on his cheek and Jacob shivered at the feeling it gave him. He'd been away from home, from the warmth of his family for so long that he hadn't realized he'd frozen over. Now, under Beck's touch and glittering smile that compelled him to do just about anything she asked, he thawed.
Now the thought of that warmth leaving him sent an icy shock through him. He could already see what the distance was doing to Paul–for one, he hadn't really been sleeping since Maya left and had spent all of his time staying busy, working with his hands, or running as fast as he could on rounds. Jacob knew only an echo of that pain, but he knew it nonetheless. He was trying to outrun it, but sooner rather than later it would catch up with him. Jacob thanked his ancestors that Becks wasn't moving across the entire country. He could probably make it to Chicago in a day on foot if he had to, but he knew he'd probably just spring for the plane ticket.
Still, worry churned in him at Paul's words. Him and Becks were still so new to this. They'd only been hanging out for a couple of months and when she had asked that they start dating, Jacob had asked her if they could wait. She had frowned at this but nodded. He cited wanting to take it slow, but mostly, he didn't trust himself. While Becks held him firmly in place in La Push, he wondered what would happen when she left, just as his father said. Would the inane urge to run overpower him again? He was, after all, still a one-man pack. They hadn't quite figured out the dual-alpha mode yet and Jacob still couldn't hear anyone other than Seth on rounds.
"You good?" Paul said suddenly, snapping Jacob out of his thoughts.
"Yeah, yeah." He said turning back to the floors he had been pulling up. He heard Paul let out a huff of laughter and then the distinct click of him checking his phone. Jacob shook his head with a soft smile. Imprints. He thought.
Maya stacked another book on top of the massive pile Noah was carrying around the bookstore.
"You know, you're not required to get every single book you plan to use throughout your college career in the first fucking semester," he said annoyed. Maya scanned the shelves for another textbook she had found in the course catalogue.
"I know that, I just want to check out what I've been missing," Maya replied distractedly, not looking at him, "Ah!" she said as she found the massive tome she'd been looking for.
"Maya, you're not even studying agricultural engineering," Noah groaned under the weight of the books, "This is going to cost like a million dollars, you know that right?"
"Yeah, yeah. Come on, I still need to go and get ready for the department orientation," she said as she hustled toward the front of the store picking up some extra binders, pens, pencils, and another protractor. Noah watched with kindred amusement.
After their first interaction, Maya had run into him yet again in the student center when she went to get her student ID photo taken with her roommate Bhaviti ("Call me Beez." She'd told Maya when they formally met while unpacking their dorm room together.). From then on, the trio was somewhat inseparable. Maya and Beez fell into step easily after her first foray into Indian food where Beez laughed so loud when Maya nearly choked on her Kohlapuri Chicken dish. Beez was in the Robotics program and was a kid wonder.
Noah was a sophomore, entirely too pleased with how funny he thought he was, but lovable nonetheless. He'd given her a tour of the department, showed her where the advisor's offices were and the best spots in campus to study late at night without anyone bothering you. Maya had suspected that he found her attractive and was forming a crush, but she'd gushed about Paul enough during their tour that she was pretty sure he got the hint she wasn't interested.
As Noah lugged the stack of his books and Maya's books back to her dorm room, Maya chattered away about how excited she was for her first classes starting up next week. She found herself in constant motion, trying to edge the pain of Paul's absence away, but as the week wore on, and as she fell into step with Beez and Noah, the hollowing in her felt less whipped.
When they made it to her room, Beez was there, leaning over her computer with headphones on as she frantically outlined a calendar.
"Beez! She tried to kill me under the crushing weight of bound knowledge!" Noah cried as he flopped onto Maya's bed after depositing their books on her desk. Maya rolled her eyes and pulled open the closet her and Beez shared. She was going to go for a professionally relaxed look. She pulled out some dusty rose wide leg, high waisted pants and flowy white button up blouse with dreamy long sleeves.
"Okay, Noah. Out! I need to change," Maya instructed as she held the clothes up to herself in the mirror.
Noah groaned, "Do I have to?! I'll just cover my eyes like this, look!" he said as he clapped his hand over his eyes.
"Out!" Maya said again in a firm voice. Noah let out a frustrated moan and stomped playfully out the door to Maya's utter amusement. "Beez?" she said turning around, still holding the clothes up to her body, "Beez!" Maya said as she nudged the back of her chair with her foot. Beez spun around and took her headphones off. After a quick scan of the outfit, she nodded.
"Looks good," she said before quickly turning back to her computer. Maya rolled her eyes and smiled as she started to undress. Meanwhile, her phone buzzed at the bottom of the canvas bag under the stack of books she'd just purchased.
Paul's name pulsed on the face of her phone and then quietly went to voicemail.