Adjusting

"Dari!"

I ran out to Daria as she munched the hay from the barn. She trotted from her spot to greet me. I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"I'm so sorry, girl. I didn't mean to leave for so long. Heisenberg wasn't mean to you, was he?"

Daria just sniffed at my hair and whined for more attention. As I gave her pats and scratches with my right hand to appease her, I examined her. Astonishingly, she was completely healthy. Even her fur and hooves were free of dirt build up.

"Huh. You must've gotten on his good side."

The factory air was surprisingly refreshing. There was a freedom to that property that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. The sun on my skin, the wind blowing against me, the occasional chirp of a bird who dared to get close… I missed it. The indoors give a sense of security, but the outdoors make me feel truly alive. I quickly recanted my preference for the castle.

While I was still wary of the new arm, I knew I needed to get as much practice in as possible before I started working again. Since it was a day off, I took advantage. Riding Daria would give me the necessary reps and make up for lost time. Tacking her up took some doing. The fake arm's motions were fluid so long as I didn't think about it.

Have you ever had a canker sore in your mouth? No matter how hard you try, your tongue or teeth find their way to the sore. Or maybe it's more like a scab that you subconsciously scratch even when you know that leaving it alone will make it heal better. In any case, the metal arm was like that at first. I tried and tried to focus on the ride with Daria and do things as I normally would, but the arm kept hitching on me. Eventually, I gave up and let it sit by my side. I wouldn't let it take me away from my bliss.

Spending time with Daria again was euphoric. It brought me back to the first time I rode her: the excitement of trying something new, the anxiety about falling off, the satisfaction of mastering a technique… I should stop. I think I might cry. I really miss her…

After I untacked Daria, I found Heisenberg lurking near the building's entrance.

"Good to be back?" he asked.

"Yeah, actually," though it pained me to admit it.

He smirked. "So, you aren't sick of me then."

"I didn't say that."

He laughed and stared at me for a moment. "You've changed, buttercup."

"…Have I?" Of course I had; it was inevitable given the circumstances. But I wanted to hear it from him.

"Oh, come on. Don't play dumb. You've got… more spunk."

"Spunk?" That wasn't the word I would've used.

"You're not acting like a soldier or a scared dog anymore. Your personality's coming out. I like that."

"Do you?"

"Despite what you may think, I do enjoy people with backbones."

That's all it took to make me realize how wrong I was. I thought he would be pissed with me after the stunt I pulled at home. Sure, he was initially, but there was more to it than that.

"But you better not start acting like that super-sized bitch. I'll rip your head off for that," Heisenberg added gravely.

"Right…" A slight smile escaped to my mouth.

"What? Did that bring back fond memories?"

I was walking on thin ice with this subject, but I couldn't help myself. "No, it's just… she didn't seem to like you either. That's why I had to leave so quickly."

Heisenberg furrowed his eyebrows. "And you weren't trying to leave before that?"

"No, I was, but I didn't know what kind of danger I was in until I made the mistake of mentioning you." He didn't need to know I wasn't planning on coming back.

I winced in preparation of the outburst that would surely come after my statement. But Heisenberg just chuckled. "To be fair, I would've done the same if one of her playthings came around here. At least you didn't make the mistake of thinking you were safe in that glorified shithole."

Was that a jab? Maybe he knew more than he was letting on… Oh well. There was no point in asking.

One thing kept itching at me. We were dancing around the subject since I woke up, and I had to address it directly before it consumed me.

"Did you…" Wait. Maybe I didn't want to know.

"Go on, spit it out."

"…Never mind." Maybe some things were better left unsaid. I felt my metal arm twitch again, catching me off guard.

"Still getting the hang of it?" Heisenberg asked as I placed my real arm on it.

"Sort of. I just… haven't been able to figure it out yet."

"What's there to figure out?"

"I can't move it like my old arm."

"You can't treat it like a tool; it's a part of you."

"Well, yes, but…"

"Just don't think about it. Move with it, not against it. Eventually, it'll become second nature."

"Second nature" …He was speaking from experience. Now that I know how he got that metal moving ability, he had to have undergone something similar to what I was going through.

Second nature… Mamă told me something similar when I was young after she took a snake bite in my place. I asked her why she didn't let it get me. She smiled and said, "It's a mother's second nature to protect her baby." Ha… is it, Mamă?

Mamă… That reminded me: the radio.

"Why does my mother have one of your radios?"

A strong wind whistled past. Heisenberg just stared at me.

"Does she work for you?" I pressed.

He let out a deep breath through his nose and turned to the side to light a cigar. He pocketed his lighter and took a puff. I opened my mouth to ask him again, but he finally spoke.

"She owed me for taking you in. Her work's paying off her debt."

"What kind of work? My mother doesn't know anything about engineering."

"I didn't say she was engineering."

Of course. I'd never seen her at the factory before. What could she possibly do from the village that I wasn't doing? Was she just gathering supplies? But I was doing that too… Then…

"What is she−"

"Look," he cut me off, "there's some things in life you're better off not knowing."

Mamă's job was taboo now? It was a simple question. My face must've given away my frustration.

"You got something to say?" he asked.

"…No."

"Good."

When the sun tucked behind the mountains, something strange happened. My fake arm just… stopped. It locked itself into place without any direction from me. I asked Heisenberg to adjust it.

"What the hell'd you do?" He asked as he furrowed his eyebrows at my fake arm's odd position.

"I… don't know. But it's stuck."

"You didn't take a bath without covering it, did you? …Don't answer that. Here, sit down."

After a minute of prodding my fake arm and mumbling to himself, he let out an "ah-ha!" that was muffled by his cigar. A grin spread across his lips. A minute later, he backed away.

"Try it now," he instructed.

It worked even better than before. Heisenberg kept gleaming, satisfied with his work.

"Thank you," I said.

"Don't mention it. I don't think it was just the machinery that was faulty. Now, I just need to… Shit, where did I put it?" He got up and searched the room.

I stood up to head back to the barn, but the door to "my room" caught my eye. For the first time since my arrival, I looked inside. It had everything I needed already. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to sleep here, I thought, just for the night. If something else happened to my fake arm, I would need Heisenberg's help.

My mind was made up; I went back outside to make sure Daria was settled. I wished her a good night and shut the barn door before returning to the building. Heisenberg was milling around, probably still looking for something. I went to my room without him noticing, but I stopped in the doorway. Something (whether from my time at Castle Dimitrescu or my upbringing, I don't know) compelled me to say:

"Good night."

At first, I thought he hadn't heard me. Thank god, I thought as my heart pulsed. But his head turned towards me. He gave me the most confused expression I'd ever seen from him.

"Night," he finally muttered. He cleared his throat before returning to his work.

I hurriedly turned and shut the door. I tapped my head against the metal and gritted my teeth. Why the fuck did I say that? The man had never bothered with any pleasantries with me… Well, maybe he had… Actually, he'd been polite several times… But something like what I'd said could've easily been misconstrued. I mentally continued to kick myself until I covered my head in the bed sheets. Damn… there went my sleep for the night.

Time and again over the next few days, my fake arm would get stuck. It got stuck when I was trying to be intricate, when I lost focus, when I was frustrated, when I was tired… Each time, I would try to fix it on my own by mimicking what Heisenberg did or just trying not to think about it. Each time, I failed. I would either have to wait for Heisenberg to offer me help or begrudgingly ask him myself.

After the tenth time, he sighed at me as I stood outside his office.

"When are you gonna realize I can't fix this?"

"What?"

"I told you; the machinery's not faulty."

"Then… what is?"

He just stared at me as if to say, "do I really have to spell it out for you?".

"Please," I almost cried, "I don't know why this keeps happening! I just know that it sucks! So please…"

He stared at his creation again and shook his head. "Fine. But this is the last time. After this, you figure your own shit out."

That session was the last. The next day, I avoided doing as much as possible. The last thing I needed was for the arm to stop working while I was in the middle of doing something dangerous. That was wishful thinking. Heisenberg assigned me to the task I hated most: welding. Bastard. I hesitantly took on the work.

Bit by bit, I proceeded. I relied heavily on my real arm. It didn't take long for it to give. As much as I didn't want to risk getting burned by using my fake arm, I would definitely get burned at the rate I was going. I took a deep breath before equally distributing the weight.

Just don't think about it… don't think about it…

At the most critical step, right as the flame pressed to the metal, my heart jumped. My fake arm hitched again. It froze there, suspending the tool in place. I swallowed a shriek and forced myself to breathe. A panic attack wouldn't make the situation any better. I tightened my grip with my real hand. Actually… it wasn't as bad as I thought. My fake arm was keeping everything in place perfectly. I just couldn't knock the blowtorch loose.

After an excruciating amount of time, I was finally finished. And just like magic, my fake arm functioned again.

"See? What'd I tell ya?" Heisenberg's smug face appeared.

"OK, maybe you were right about something… for once."

"Don't act like you don't know what a genius I am."

"Are not. Everyone else is just… less smart."

"Same difference."

He was right; the arm became more useful to me than I could ever imagine. In fact, I wish I could go back and thank Heisenberg for it right now. The number of pinched fingers, broken nails, and strained hands I've saved is immaculate.

That night, I celebrated my newfound power with a fire. Daria came over to join me as I gathered the wood. Once everything was set, I found a seat on the ground. I prodded the wood with a long stick to keep the flames roaring.

"Mind if I join?" Déjà vu. But this time, I smiled at Heisenberg when he approached.

"Not at all." I spread out a blanket for him to sit.

"Any more problems with the hardware?" he asked.

"It's only been a few hours since the last time it acted up, but… so far so good."

"You'll be fine; I think you've got the hang of it now."

Easy for you to say, I thought.

"So… about that wish."

"Huh?"

"I told you, I'm curious. If one wish could be granted with just a snap of your fingers," he snapped to emphasize, "what would you wish for?"

The answer was obvious. I didn't even have to think.

"I would leave here and travel the world. With my mother." Saying it out loud made it seem more tangible than ever. Even though I'd said it to Mamă, something about telling Heisenberg made it… achievable. Like no superstitions or obstacles would stop me. Yes… After that night, I was more certain than ever that it could be done.

Heisenberg peered at me. "You want it pretty bad, huh?"

"More than anything."

A beat. Then a smirk on his face. He let out a small laugh. "I knew I liked you."

"What about you?" I asked. I had no interest in lingering on his comment.

Heisenberg shook his head and stared at the fire. "Sorry, buttercup. I'm not ready to open that book yet. Ask me again sometime. I promise; I won't disappoint."

He got up from his seat to try his hand at petting Daria again. She acted like she didn't see him as he stroked her back.

"You sleepin' in the barn anymore?"

At the time, I thought it was an odd question. My preservation instincts kicked in, but my reasoning reminded me that if Heisenberg wanted to do something to me, he had plenty of chances up to that point. Still, why did he care? Despite my reservations, the answer came quicker and more honestly than I thought.

"…No. I like my room better."