A New Playmate

The days went by at a sloth's pace. The more I had to see and hear Heisenberg, the more irritated I grew. My annoyance teetered between a full outburst and just being a headache. But I managed to swallow it. Any step out of line could've made him tighten his grip on me.

Finally, the day came. It was a day for general errands, so I was allowed as much time as needed to get everything. Perfect. I don't know if I believe in fate, but something was aligned that day. Before I started gathering, I made a beeline for the Beneviento gates. The trees sang to me that time, coaxing me forward. Relief washed over me as I was cut off from everything. Before I knew it, I was back at the grave. The same dizzying feeling returned. Which way was it to the house again?

"Isn't it nice here, Lipa?"

A figure appeared from the fog. That voice…

"Don't be afraid, honey. I'm here now."

It was just like the week before… I dared to step forward. The figure came into full view. My knees went weak. A single word caught in my throat.

"…Tată?"

Tată smiled at me, opening his arms. "Come here, mititica."

Was it real? Was it a dream? It didn't matter. For all I knew, it was my only chance to see him again. I ran to him without another thought as tears welled in my eyes. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could.

"I'm so proud of you, Lipa. You've gotten so strong."

I wanted to hold that moment forever. I wouldn't let go of him until my arms went numb. But when I opened my eyes, he was gone. I stared at the space between my hands.

"Tată?"

No answer. It was just me, all alone, again. A chill went through my body. What was that place? What could possibly have the power to raise someone from the dead? Nothing in the five years since Tată's death: dreams, memories, conversations with Mamă… had conjured such a strong image of him. If only it had lasted…

The house… yes, I was heading for the house. The path where Tată stood revealed the way. My legs felt heavy as I ventured forward.

Around the bend, the forest cleared and the Beneviento estate was unveiled. The sound of a roaring waterfall helped me focus on the present. I crept up the steps to the lonely house's stoop. Two knocks would be enough.

The door creaked open.

"Welcome! Care for some tea?" Angie was standing on a table in the foyer. Donna was pouring tea into two regular cups and one smaller one. I cautiously stepped into the room. Lined along the walls on every piece of furniture were porcelain dolls. Each of them was slightly different, but their general appearance was just like the ones I'd seen in the forest the week before. Just when I thought I'd escaped the nightmare of surveillance, there were more eyes on me than ever.

"What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost." Angie giggled.

"...Nothing."

"Secrets secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone!"

"Of course… I'm sorry. Out in the garden, I met… my father. I didn't expect to see him. He's been gone for a long time. I guess you weren't just messing with me, huh?"

Donna abruptly stopped pouring.

"Poor thing… It's hard, isn't it?" Angie said.

"Yes… yes, it is."

"Ah, don't cry, don't cry!" Angie ran to the front of the table and grabbed my hand. "Come and sit down. We're here to have fun, remember? Here, have some tea!"

Donna handed the cup and saucer to me.

"Thank you." I sat down and sniffed the aromatic tea as I glanced at the dolls uneasily.

"Do you like my friends?" Angie asked.

"Oh, yes. I had one just like them when I was younger." I smiled.

"Splendid! Then you'll recognize the games we'll be playing. Oh, but tea first!"

Quickly, my shoulders relaxed. Angie asked to see my arm again in awe. I giggled at her enthused expression. Donna sat back and observed while Angie continued to pick my brain. What games did I like? What food did I eat? What was a saddler? I had a HORSE? She reminded me of all the things I'd forgotten about myself, all the things I'd lost in the past two years. It was like when I was a child finding comfort in the simplest of things. There were no worries about tasks to get done, where to get food from, who decided to like me that day; I could just be... myself.

I didn't feel the need to restrain my words; Angie certainly didn't. I griped about Heisenberg and entertained her with story after story about him. Her laughs of agreement made me feel like I belonged.

Once lunchtime hit, we moved to the games. Angie's favorite was hide and seek. I asked if Donna would join us, but Angie just urged me to be ready. I covered my eyes and counted to ten. I'm certain that any adult would laugh if they had seen such a display. From the eyes of my old life (the life where I lived in the village), I would've thought the same. No 22-year-old should play games with a doll. But now I know better.

If anyone reads this, no matter your age: take time to be a child. Nothing can untether you from the pressures of the world more than that. Don't let anyone tell you you're too old to act a certain way or like a certain thing. There's no such thing. While I may still be young, I guarantee you I'll still hold that stance when I'm 30, 40, 50, all because of that time with Donna and Angie.

Time flew. Just as we were diving into another game, the clock chimed. No… I couldn't leave yet, not when I was having so much fun. But if I didn't, Heisenberg would…

"It's OK, Lipa. You can stay here with us!" Angie suggested.

"No, I shouldn't. I don't want you to get in trouble with Heisenberg. I'm sure you already know, but he can be kinda scary."

Angie shuttered. "He is, isn't he? But he wouldn't hurt me. He just likes to yell."

"And the sound of his own voice," I added.

With a heavy heart, I left for the day. Back to the village I went, grounded harder than ever. I winced in anticipation of the scolding I would surely get from the radio once I crossed the gate. But it never came. There wasn't a peep. Good, I thought, one less thing to bother me. Yet, it distrubed me at the same time. Did he even notice I was gone? He had every time before.

I dutifully finished what was asked of me as storms brewed in the sky. Rain started spitting from the clouds when I got back to the factory. I set the goods I'd collected in the usual spot. No Heisenberg. Had I really gotten away with it? I was disappointed I hadn't gotten the chance to test out my lie. The night was spent with Daria recalling the fairy tale I'd lived and singing as I tended to the doll. Next week, I told myself as I drifted off to sleep, just make it to next week.

I went back to the estate the next week. And the next week. And the week after that. Three months of weekly dreams. Each time I entered the gates, I reunited with Tată for fleeting moments. That alone made it all worth it. I got to see him as he really was. That nurturing, proud image of him will always be what I remember the most, not what the village twisted him to be. I knew he was still dead; not even Donna could change that. Seeing him before my eyes, real or fake, was all I needed.

Every now and then, Oskar would be with him. The three of us would have long conversations about whatever was on my mind. I apologized to Oskar profusely when I saw him the first time. He just smiled like he used to, wagging his finger at me. "No apologies necessary. I should be apologizing for making such a fool of myself. What a pathetic way to go!"

And where was Heisenberg? Nowhere. At some point, it hit me that he could be dead. If only I was so lucky. One day, as I was leaving for my weekly visit, I noticed him loitering by Daria, lighting a cigar. He glanced at me as I left but made no move to say anything as he stroked Daria's neck. Did it concern me? No. He was letting me off the leash. Don't bite the hand if it's not bothering you.

"How's your mother doing?" Tată asked one day.

"She's… actually, I… haven't talked to her in a while."

"Ah, because of your new employer…"

"...Tată, be honest with me. Would you… trust someone like Heisenberg?"

"Someone like him, or him?"

"...Him."

"To be honest, honey, I don't put trust in anyone other than the people I love. That's the only reason I… Well, you know."

Yes, I did know. I knew all too well. With Tată's approval, Heisenberg slipped from my mind completely every time I went through the gates.

They say all good things come to an end. Why? Who made that rule? If it was a god, they're too much like Heisenberg. He decided I was having too much fun. So, at the end of those three months, he cut me off.

"Tough day?" He approached me as I walked back to my room. His words were biting.

Wow, so he did remember my existence. "Huh?"

"You get bored? Decide you might actually need me after all?"

"I was just… walking around. I haven't talked to anyone."

Heisenberg just stared at me, taking a puff of his cigar. Why did he care so much? I came back, didn't I?

"Well, at least you won't be going back there anymore."

My heart skipped a beat. "What are you talking about?"

"There's no reason for you to go back, right? Unless you've gotten attached to that freak?"

How…? How could he possibly have…? A fuse lit in me. I was so… fed up. With the factory, with him, with all of it.

"So, what if I have?" I snapped.

"What did I say? I warned you not to get close!"

"Well maybe I just wanted to have a little fun, OK? What's wrong with that?!"

"You have no fucking idea what you're messing with."

"You really can't leave me alone, can you?! You've been stalking me, watching my every step this whole time! Why do you care so much about what I do?!"

Heisenberg gritted his teeth. "Fine. Do whatever you want. But don't say I didn't warn you. I'm not saving your ass again."

He stormed off, leaving me alone once again. Good riddance. I took those words as my termination. I was under no obligation to stay there. The chains he'd bound me with were finally free. Finally, finally, I could do what I wanted. I didn't need his protection anymore. I could erase him from my mind and leave him in the dust. Finally, finally!