Daniel heard the laughing as soon as he turned the corner from the gate room on the way back from yet another meeting with Rodney about the personal shield, a project he had gleefully taken on as his own, in every respect. It was Adrienne, lead discoverer of said shield and that particular laugh meant that she had a visitor, a specific visitor, the only visitor that made her laugh like that...
"No way, you can't be serious!?" Adrienne giggled, "What did Sheppard say?"
Yep, Daniel thought, it's him.
He rolled his eyes.
"Nothing. He just stepped over the wraith and got back in the jumper," Daniel could hear him reply as he slowed his pace, trying not to eavesdrop but unable to help himself.
It tore him up inside, hearing her like that, so happy, but it was exactly what he had been hoping would happen for so long, at least up until a few weeks ago. He'd tried to keep his distance at first, as much as possible without her assuming something was wrong, while he tried to figure out what he was going to do about them, and whether or not she felt the same. That, and, feelings aside, it wasn't healthy, their relationship, a man and a woman shouldn't behave the way that they do and walk around claiming that they were just friends.
Because they weren't, anymore, at least in his eyes; Dr. Adrienne Rowan was his entire world.
Advancing his step, Daniel turned around the door frame to see Adrienne sitting at her desk, her palm against Ronon's bare bicep as he was wearing his Sateaden gear rather than his SG uniform. Of course he was, Daniel thought with disgust, trying to regulate his jealousy as he started to list to himself the reasons that this was what needed to happen, that he was too old, that he was her boss, that she was too perfect, that he just couldn't do this again. Silent, and trying to not cut his eyes, he walked right by them, taking a seat at his own desk, sliding the meeting folder into a pile on the side and firing up his machine.
He just had to sit there and act like he wasn't dying inside.
She really doesn't think of me as anything more than her friend...
"Alright, so six o'clock, that's good?" Ronon confirmed.
"Yea, it sounds great. And I don't need to bring anything special..." Adrienne double checked, eyeing her suitor suspiciously.
"Not a thing," the Satedan replied, leaning over to hug her goodbye, which of course she returned, kissing his cheek lightly before he pulled away, a shy smile on his face as he backed out of the door. Her eyes followed him until he was gone, finally looking over at Daniel at her guest's complete exit.
"Hey Indy, no bad 3D greek epic on Friday. I'll have to owe ya," she said, leaning back in her chair smiling brightly.
"Oh?" he asked, but he knew why. He knew what had just happened; he had been trying to make it happen for so long and it hadn't and then she had told him about everything that had happened to her and how she wasn't sure if she could ever be in a relationship again he had listened, and he had backed off, but now…
It's what needs to happen; you need to get yourself under control and be happy for her.
"Yes, yes, ok," Adrienne leaned back in her chair, grinning from ear to ear, her gorgeous eyes lighting the dark room with excitement, excitement that was tearing him up inside, "I have a date."
Look how happy she is; be happy for her, let her relish in this. She deserves this.
Adrienne should be happy.
If you really love her, you want her to be happy.
"Took you two long enough," he joked, his assistant making a face.
"Thanks Daniel, I'm sorry my personal life was not to your expectations and internal agendas," she answered with a frown, her boss shrugging from his desk.
"Well, don't worry about Friday. I was thinking about catching up on some personal paperwork myself," Daniel answered instead of teasing further. He was trying to not make her feel bad about canceling their typical 'single with no life' Friday plans, trying to be supportive of his best friend, because that was exactly what she was going to stay, his best friend.
No matter what his heart wanted otherwise.
"Oh…" she replied, a tinge of disappointment in her voice, as if she was looking for a different reaction.
Daniel was completely confused.
"Is that a bad thing?" he looked at her and asked, peering over his glasses.
What does she want me to say?
Don't go?
Ask me instead?
Adrienne, all you have to do is say the word and I will make this all work out.
Stop listening to Jack, Daniel ordered himself, he's not the expert on relationships by a long shot. He hadn't told Jack, he hadn't told anyone about his realization from a few weeks ago, his realization that everyone was right, that he had unwittingly fallen in love with his assistant.
His assistant who evidently didn't feel the same way since despite crashing in his room just two nights ago, her arm wrapped around his waist, was now planning on going out on an actual date with one of their co-workers.
And such is my life...
"No, it's just, well, we can hang out on Saturday, ok?" she said quickly.
That was it, he was reading too much into this; she just didn't want to hurt his feelings. Fridays had really become their night so to speak, where they picked something nerdy, geeky, something the rest of the group would never agree to do and she had scheduled her date for then. The past few weeks had been awkward, Daniel trying to figure out if Adrienne meant anything by it when she threw her legs across his lap, when she fell asleep on his shoulder or the one time when they watched a movie that for once scared her and she held his hand.
Now, however, she was going to dinner with Ronon.
See what happens when you let yourself consider idiotic ideas, like happiness.
It was sweet that she thought of him, he tried to tell himself. She did really care about him, they were like siblings in some respects, and it was considerate of her to worry about him.
"Sure Saturday's fine," he agreed with a slight shrug.
Unless you and Dex have too much fun...
Great Daniel, now you're thinking like Vala; let's just let the insanity completely take over your brain.
Turning back to his desk, he grabbed the mission file for next week, trying not to think about Adrienne's big night a moment longer. He looked back at his rather lengthy to do list and sighed, being that it was only Wednesday, starting back at his tasks.
The week passed uneventfully, no off world mission scheduled until the following Tuesday. He and Adrienne spent the majority of their time preparing for the briefing and making sure that the mission files were all in order. It was pretty boring, even boring for Daniel, so much so that he let her start dance breaks every few hours or so just to make sure that they were getting up. He didn't join her at first, but after finishing three pots of coffee on Thursday before 11 a.m. he decided to try her method, just making sure he shut the lab door before he did.
He just didn't dance.
Or stand near her.
Or let her dance up to him.
He just stood there, his heart racing, every stupid idea, image and worry he had experienced in the past few weeks making his stomach churn.
Maybe allowing dance breaks wasn't such a good idea.
Breathing in, in a poor attempt to contain his emotions, Daniel sat down, Adrienne immediately turning down the volume as she glanced over at him.
"You ok shug?"
No, because I wanna walk over there, grab your face and kiss you, beg you to not go on Friday and apologize because I'm not a wonderful dancer, hell you know that, but I'm sure the Romeo of the Pegasus is going to prove to be on your date.
"I just have a headache," he lied to her, again.
In an instant the music was off, Adrienne at his side, a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Indy, I'll turn this off…"
This is why I don't like to lie, he thought, because I reach a limit where I can't anymore; especially to her.
"No, you're fine, just gonna take some Advil," he replied, opening his desk drawer which contained the bottle for good measure.
"Only two…" she warned and he had to laugh.
"I've read the label," he said, pointing it at her, "it says I can take three."
"No…" she corrected, walking over and yanking the plastic container from his hands, "it says MORE than three and your body gets used to it and it's no longer effective."
"Written by Adrienne M. Rowan, MD," he chuckled as he tapped the label.
'Fine," she spat, shoving the bottle back in his direction, "take all you want. Sorry I care."
I know you do, it's why I love you…
"No smart remark?" she noticed his pause, frowning, "you must feel bad. Turn in. I can get through the rest of it."
"Nope," he argued quickly, downing two pills that he didn't really need, washing them down with coffee, "carry on with your nonsense. I'll just be over her doing real work."
"Tchew," she said with a smile, one that he could tell was forced, but he didn't argue, the pair returning to work.
It was a little after eleven when she left his room, the movie they were watching was over, a film they decided at dinner would be a good way to unwind. It was some documentary on Ellis Island that Daniel didn't pay much attention to, instead wondering if she was going to talk about what was happening tomorrow, about anything, or sleep there. Adrienne, however, didn't mention Ronon Dex once, and hurried out with a quick kiss on his cheek the moment the credits rolled.
He didn't sleep much that night, wishing more than anything that she was right beside him, that lone arm of hers draped around his waist.
On Friday at 10 a.m., Adrienne stood from her desk, walking over to the speaker, balancing on her tiptoes to turn on the iPod. An awful song came on; one that Daniel remembered from his college years, sung by two little boys who wore their clothes backwards. He shook his head, but stood from his desk, walking over to close the door.
"See," Adrienne said as she grabbed his hands, pulling him over to her, this time not allowing him to escape, "isn't this much more fun!"
Today was the day, she had a date in a few hours, yet here she was, her hands in his...
...pulling him closer, very close…
He felt himself shaking with nerves, taking a step back to compose himself.
"Not so close; I wouldn't want Dex to come down here and beat me to a pulp," Daniel tried to tease as Adrienne backed away slowly, looking hurt.
¨Why must you insist on harassing me? You got your way, didn't you? I'm dating like a normal person," Adrienne said, letting go of his hands and dancing around back to her desk as Daniel forced a smile and shut off the music.
"I didn't say I wanted you to date; I said I wanted you to be happy," he clarified, covering, trying not to be obvious as Adrienne just sat down at her desk giving him a funny look.
Bad word choice genius.
No Adrienne, I do want you to date.
ME.
How about I take you out tonight, and not Mexican.
He tried not to notice, tried not to overanalyze her expression as she stared at him in silence, something obviously on her mind.
She knows, she sees right through you…
Ad, listen, please don't go. I'm in love with you, madly, and if you just give me some time I can find a way to make this work.
"Can I call you? Afterwards, to tell you how it went?" she finally asked, hesitation in her voice.
"Call me?" Daniel questioned, puzzled, "why?" Honestly, the last thing he wanted to hear was how great Ronon Dex was and how much she was looking forward to their next date. Just because he had pushed her in that direction for so long didn't mean he actually wanted to know what had happened.
Especially now, when he was wishing that he'd kept his idiotic mouth shut about Adrienne and her personal life.
"You know why, we're not 12, I don't think I need to repeat it," she responded smartly, Daniel sighing, because apparently part of the best friend deal was calling him after a date. He hesitated to agree; shouldn't she call Vala with all of the gory details? Then again, this was Adrienne, so he was sure that any details to be had would be rather mild and definitely not interesting like Vala would want. For as wild as she was, Daniel knew her past and what she had been through, and any details would probably amount to nothing.
"Sure, if you want. You know I'll probably be up," he answered, internal debate over.
I'll be supportive, friends are supportive and if you really love someone you're there for them.
Adrienne smiled and nodded in appreciation, popping on her headphones and looking again at her screen.
Daniel, on the other hand, sat there, in complete emotional agony.
At five, she didn't have much to say.
Ronon was picking her up at six, which meant that Adrienne must be meeting him on base since her apartment was about fifty minutes away and with her track record of getting to places on time it appeared she hadn't even bothered considering going home. Daniel didn't ask, as she was already rushing around the lab, trying to shut down her own personal things and leave, like a wild frantic rabbit trying to make a desperate escape. When she dropped her plastic coffee mug on the floor of the lab, a few remaining cold mocha droplets splashing around her feet, he couldn't contain himself and he laughed, her cold penetrating glare darting in his direction.
"If he knows you like I do he knows that you won't be on time," Daniel joked, standing to try to help her make her exit a bit faster. She tried not to laugh, but she knew he was right and bent down to clean up her coffee mess, Daniel shooing her away quickly to take care of it himself.
"I've got this, you're just gonna make a bigger mess."
"Cooyon," she giggled but was smiling at the gesture. With Daniel wiping the floor, Adrienne stood, shutting the lid to her computer and popping in into the bag on her shoulder. Finished, he stood himself, disregarding the papers she was knocking onto the floor for a moment to start to push her out of the door by her shoulders.
"Go, go get ready. At least one of us should have a social life," he insisted. Adrienne stalled only enough to adjust her backpack, her eyes locking on his for a split second, looking as if she wanted to say something.
Say it, say it and I can come up with a work excuse; say you don't want to go...
"Wish me luck," she requested instead, a nervous grin in place of her normally enchanting smile. Daniel squeezed her hand in reassurance, forcing another smile as Adrienne took a breath and slipped out of the lab.
"This'll be for the best, you'll see," he coached himself verbally before returning to his desk, his heart breaking.
It was quiet at his apartment but he welcomed the silence, not even turning on the radio for background noise, relishing in the complete lack of sound encompassing him.
He was totally alone.
True, Cameron had offered for him to come over to his place and watch some boxing match on pay-per-view, but Daniel wasn't in the mood to feign an interest in sports, so, he told the truth, that he was going to use tonight to go through some things in his apartment he had been putting off for a while. Cam had even offered to come help, keep him company, but Daniel refused, needing to spend the time alone just in case his thoughts got the best of him, or if Adrienne needed him. There was always a chance that the date itself could go horribly wrong and she would call him first, he knew she would, so it was best he remain sober, alert and in one place.
So there he was, sober, alert and in one place staring at the Teal'c sized pile of paper boxes lined up on his table. He'd waited too long to go through these old files, missions kept popping up, a crisis that needed attention, but here they were, in front of him, with nothing to stop him now. The prospect of spending his evening doing this was not exactly his idea of Friday night fun, even he found some tasks boring, but these were things that needed to be done. That and it had the added bonus of taking his mind off the fact that right now, at seven o'clock in the evening, Adrienne was probably sitting in some nice restaurant, sipping Italian table wine while Ronon regaled her with stories of fighting the wraith, saving small children, rescuing damsels in distress, robbing the rich to feed the poor...
"You have got to pull yourself together, this is ridiculous," he breathed out, annoyed, exasperated by his behavior. Shaking his head, he glanced back at the files, his distraction and salvation for the evening. He scanned the boxes, noting the dates on the sides, realizing that some of the files were so old they were notes he had made on Abydoys and had brought back with him.
Those he had avoided all these years for a reason.
Another pain welling up inside of him, he set the box on the floor, trying not to think about that either.
Daniel had a turmoil limit for tonight, and he was nearly at that limit.
You aren't meant to be happy Daniel; the sooner you can accept that the better.
Forcing away a way of sadness, he started with the most recent scribbled date.
Daniel had successfully worked through two entire boxes, mostly of old receipts and other things he couldn't figure out why he had saved, when there was a knock at his door. Peeking over at the clock, he saw that it was 10 p.m.
Who in the world would be coming over at 10 p.m?
Vala, of course, was his first thought, determined to have her way with him despite their latest 'yes it IS really over' conversation, but she couldn't drive legally so he quickly eliminated her. Jack was working, Teal'c was off-world, so it could be Sam, but he had no way of knowing, so he just shrugged his shoulders, putting down the stack of papers and walking over to the door, looking through the peephole.
There was Adrienne, wearing jeans and one of those stupid hole filled sweaters she liked to wear, not at all what he had imagined her to be wearing for her big night with Mr. Perfect, waiting patiently for him to answer. Her body language though was different, her arms were crossed, hugging herself, a worried look on her face.
Shouldn't she be on a date?
But he didn't hesitate, opening the door to see what was wrong.
"Hey Daniel," she said quietly, "can I come in?"
No Indy, he thought to himself, that wasn't a good sign.
"Sure Adrienne, is everything alright?" he answered, choosing to avoid her nickname himself, stepping back from the door to let her in. She entered without another word, walking right past him and heading straight into the kitchen.
Closing the door and locking it behind him, Daniel went to follow her, concerned that she was not acting like herself, at all.
He heard the fridge opening but wasn't surprised or annoyed, they were together enough where 'Can I get you something?' had turned into 'I'm getting myself something.' Peeking his head around the corner, he saw that she had found a bottle of chardonnay chilling in the back, and pulled it out, turning back to face him.
"Can I open this?" she asked, shaking the bottle.
"Be my guest," he replied and headed back to the table, letting her serve herself, wondering what she was doing here, but he could tell by her determination to pour an alcoholic beverage that she would talk when she was good and ready. There was a small tinge of anger building up inside of him, not at Adrienne, but at Ronon, who he hoped hadn't tried anything or done anything to hurt her.
He'd better not have hurt her.
Grabbing the stack of papers that he had set down, Daniel sorted through a small pile and started to grab another when he saw a wine glass being handed to him. Gazing up, he took it and turned to face her, waiting for whatever she finally had to say.
"Don't ever let me do that again," Adrienne requested and sipped her wine as she reached down to grab a chair from the table, pulling it out, and sitting down, sipping again as soon as she was seated. She didn't look like herself, her bright, glowing self; she looked exasperated and stressed.
"Go out on a date or go out on a date with Ronon?" Daniel asked, pulling out the other chair and sitting himself. He moved the boxes back a bit so they would have somewhere to set their glasses and could see Adrienne shaking her head, sipping once more, laughing softly.
"Either," she answered, as she set down her glass, sliding off her boots. Daniel took a breath; she was getting settled, this was going to be either really good or really bad, and he honestly didn't know if he was capable of handling either.
"Ok, I'm assuming this is taking the place of the phone call. I'm listening," Daniel offered, drinking his wine, a feeling that he was going to need it as Adrienne lightly ran her finger around the rim of the glass slowly, deliberately, toying with it in a nervous fashion.
"Point for Indy," she joked, taking a sip before continuing, "I just…" she sighed out, "It was just a mistake."
"Waiting…"
She sighed, setting down the glass, "Well, he told me not to do anything special or wear anything special, which was a huge relief since I just wasn't in the mood for anything formal. So I wore this."
Daniel, who knew nothing of fashion and was sure Adrienne knew how he felt about some of her attire, just nodded.
"So, we went to Ruth Chris, a steakhouse right, nice, but casual and he borrowed Sheppard's car, so he drove, illegally I'm sure, and we just left from base," Adrienne continued and Daniel threw up his hands in a "so what" gesture.
"You drink moonshine yet are concerned with the legality of his driving?!"
Adrienne, not amused, made a face.
"No Daniel, listening means no smartass remarks."
"Shutting up."
"We get there, he opens the door, well the doors, for me, sweet, all very nice, and we're seated quickly because he had actually made reservations, which was again well thought out. And then it got, interesting..." she continued, trailing, her finger lapping the rim a tad faster.
"Interesting how?" Daniel asked, sipping his wine, his heart rate increasing ever so slightly.
What had happened, she wasn't crying, she was just so unlike herself, no cajun slip-ups or anything.
He pointed to her glass, indicating that if this was that interesting she needed to take another drink. Halting her wandering digit, she reached again gently for the stem, bringing the glass to her mouth and sipping carefully.
"Well, for starters he ordered for me. Everything. My drink, my meal, how my steak was cooked, everything," she said, as she swallowed, making a sour face.
"That's called nice," Daniel responded, "and he's trying to show you that he knows you. That he pays attention to detail. Did he get it right?"
"Yea," Adrienne admitted, frowning at him.
"Ok, keep going," Daniel goaded, his brain finally kicking over to where he needed it to be, to friend mode, to his helpful persona, the one who was always there for others.
See, you've got this, he praised himself, taking another taste of the wine.
"Alright, so while we wait, of course we're talking. Now, we usually talk about stupid stuff, fighting, war stories, crazy things, I dunno, superficial things. I guess I didn't think in advance that he would want to talk about something more serious," Adrienne stopped for a moment and finished her glass of wine in one long gulp, standing to get some more. He heard her pouring herself a glass in the kitchen, but brought the bottle back out, filling Daniel's glass as well, which was also empty, much to his surprise. Lifting the glass gratefully as soon as she set the bottle down beside him, he took another long drink as she sat, ignoring the wine and picking at her fingernails. He remained silent as she did this, wondering at what point this date was going to go bad because so far, it sounded pretty perfect and that alone was making his stomach do somersaults. Setting the glass down, he brought his right hand into his lap, scraping his thumbnail with his index finger.
"So, we get to talking about more serious things. First, he wanted to know more about what you and I did, which is fine and kinda sweet because no one asks that really since we are considered the two boring ones," Daniel smiled a bit at that as she continued, "I told him and then he started to ask me if I'd ever find another job. Odd question I'm thinking but ok, let's entertain this. I tell him no, at least not right now. I like what I do and I'm happy. He lets that go for a while when our food arrives," Adrienne said and sipped again, Daniel already shaking his head.
"Again, this is normal date conversation; have you ever been on a normal date?" Daniel asked her, trying not to mock her too badly, the look on his face though giving him away. If this was what she called a bad date he was actually curious as to what it would take to be qualified as a good one.
You need to know how Ronon screwed up so you don't repeat the mistake.
Stop it!
"Of course I have jackass; I'm not finished," Adrienne fussed, chugging, emptying, refilling and finishing the bottle.
"Carry on," he swept the air with his palm, taking another sip himself.
"We do dinner, he pays for the check, gets the chair, the door, the car door, etcetera. All of which were awkward," she complained.
"No, all of which were normal Adrienne; not everything nice a man does for you should be considered an attack on your independence," Daniel stated plainly, having no idea whatsoever what was wrong with her, even more mystified as Adrienne stood and walked to the kitchen.
"Are you leaving? Seriously? Ad, I was just joking with you, but there's women's equality and then there's being insulted when men, who are inherently clueless, are trying to be nice..." Daniel stood to follow her, amazed that being honest with her, which was normally what she wanted, would make her leave.
"Wow, I thought you knew me better Indy. I'm not leaving; I'm just getting something to eat," she explained, rolling her eyes at his assumption as she opened the freezer door.
Daniel leaned back against the counter relieved; as much as he didn't want to hear about how Ronon Dex was the perfect gentleman, whether Adrienne really realized it or not, he also didn't want her to leave.
He never wanted her to leave.
He never wanted her out of his sight.
Hearing rustling from the appliance, he peeked up to see Adrienne rummaging around, finally producing a small container of ice cream with a smile. Shutting the door and scooting past him, she secured herself a spoon from the cutlery drawer, jumping up to sit on the counter. She popped off the lid, tossing it over into the sink and took a few bites, stuffing the spoon down into the frozen treat and passing it over to Daniel, who took it without hesitation.
"So," he continued as he dug for some ice cream himself, "I'm still waiting for the catch," he added as put the spoon in his mouth. Sighing, Adrienne reached back for the ice cream, so Daniel dropped the spoon back in and relinquished the carton.
"Then he took me out to the mall, the museum one not the shopping one," Daniel nodded thinking this was Adrienne, he didn't need clarification, "and the talk started getting serious again. He starts asking me what I want out of life. And of course I have no idea, all I really wanted was..." Adrienne started to choke up a bit. Daniel took a step towards her but she held out her hand, not wanting his support right now as she breathed in deeply, squeezing the cow patterned container in her palms.
"All I wanted, for so long, was for dad to be ok. Then he was gone and my life was so empty and then Sam called. Sam called and changed my life. So, no, I have no idea what I want next. Because all I had wanted was to be happy. And I am, just the way things are right now."
Adrienne sucked back some tears but Daniel stayed put, not sure what to do, his thoughts finally on her well-being and not himself, not his selfish desire and idiotic fantasies. He wanted to walk across the small space between the counters and take her into his arms, just to comfort her, but he refrained as she started to eat the ice cream again.
"I take it he has a more future focused direction for his life?" Daniel took a stab, cautiously, hoping to not upset her more. Swallowing the Adrienne stuffed the spoon back into the carton and then handed the ice cream over again.
"Oh yes, with contingency plans for either returning to Pegasus or staying here. Clear plans that I got the distinct feeling are supposed to include a wife or whatever the Satedean equivalent is..." Adrienne put her head in her hands and this time, unable to hold out any longer, Daniel walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. It was something he'd avoided doing the moment she walked through his door this evening, but he just felt that he needed to do right now. Sucking back a few more sniffles, she reached her arms around him as well, resting her head onto his shoulder.
"He scared you," Daniel finished and Adrienne didn't move, letting herself lean forward into him from her position on the counter.
"A little," she replied, pulling him closer, "I wasn't ready for, well, that. I'm better but not ready."
Daniel nodded, not letting go.
"Do you think you'll go out with him again?" Daniel asked, the part of him that he had been trying to quiet all night asked, hoping her answer was no.
"No," Adrienne admitted, still from his shoulder, "I guess I just wanted more adventure, more fun. I was thinking paintball and Chili's or a good 3D movie and then a comedy club. Indy, I think Dex is looking for a wife and not a date."
"Leave it to you to want adventure," Daniel teased, loosening his grip slightly, and leaving the other comment alone. Acknowledging it would have certainly led to Adrienne growing more upset, possibly even lecturing him on the role of women in society and the absurdity of the institution of marriage. Feeling him start to pull away, Adrienne picked up her head and released her arms, gazing up at him slowly. Her eyes, her deep dark eyes entrapped him for a moment, and he almost reached for her face to bring it to his own and kiss her, the urge so great he had to step away.
She literally just said she is not ready for any of this, what in the hell is wrong with you Daniel?
Remembering his earlier task, he turned, Daniel peering back at her as he left the kitchen, a sure fire plan forming in his head to get her mind off of the entire fiasco.
"Where are you going?" she shouted to him, confused by his sudden exit.
"I'm gonna finish sorting. It's not very adrenaline pumping, but you're welcome to join me," he answered, walking over to the box he had been working at, focusing on the documents neatly stacked in a state of false organization.
Adrienne shook her head, hopping down and walking back over to Daniel, because of course, he would have more work to do.
"You better have more wine," she demanded, but he could already tell before she asked that she was gonna stay.
"No worries; I've learned I need to be well stocked as long as we're friends. Cabinet by the fridge," he pointed and Adrienne turned around, very silly and dramatically heading for the cabinet.
Grabbing some red, too impatient to chill another white, she headed back to assist in the task, her mind already leaving behind Ronon's pseudo-proposal.
"You literally keep everything," she told him as she balled up another gas receipt, tossing it away. They had been at this for a while now, and on their third bottle of wine, more so on Adrienne's part than Daniel's, but she felt a lot better just being here with him, like she always did.
"I know, that's why I needed to do this. It was getting a bit out of control," he admitted, setting the last empty box back onto the table to be dismantled and taken to the recycling bin in the morning. Muttering something under her breath about 'out of control' and 'only you Indy,' Adrienne gathered up the large trash bag at her feet and poured herself another glass of wine.
"But, it has allowed me to discover more fuel for the fire," the Cajun quickly added as she set the garbage beside the recycling pile to go out in the morning, pointing playfully to a stack of pictures sitting on the table.
Remembering their contents, Daniel reached for them, but Adrienne snatched them quickly, still laughing.
"Come on, I know I was a dork, am a dork. Some of us can't be the cool mysterious academic," Daniel defended, reaching for the photos again. Adrienne just giggled and stood flashing a few old SG pics from years ago; Daniel skinny and geeky, with zinc on his nose and a cheesy hat. The pictures clearly embarrassed him and Adrienne was enjoying seeing him flush but when he frowned at her, she handed them over and he yanked them away, walking them over to a photo box and stuffing them inside.
"No worries Indy, your secret's safe with me. Besides, I didn't think they looked that bad, you seem more worried by them than I do. I think you looked cute," she said, walking over to kiss his cheek before returning her wine glass to the kitchen.
That was fun, she thought to herself, leave it to Daniel to turn boring into fun.
She spun back around to suggest a movie when she saw a box on the kitchen floor, tucked underneath the table as though it had been missed. Kneeling down, she picked it up and set it carefully on their workstation.
"We forgot one," she announced, removing the lid and starting to pull items out but Daniel dashed over to it, moving Adrienne's hands away and taking the box.
"Not that one," he said quickly, grabbing the handles and starting to walk it away, toward the office in his apartment, when he felt a gentle pull at his shoulder. Knowing the source he stopped; she wasn't going to let him escape.
"If you hadn't intended on trying to tackle that one you wouldn't have brought it out in the first place. More embarrassing photos?" Adrienne tried to play, but she wasn't stupid; she knew what was in that box, she'd been here enough and been friends with him long enough to know that he had kept things and that they were hidden here.
"No," he said quietly, shaking his head, slipping away from her light grasp. Adrienne didn't chase him down, just starting picking at her nails, trying to figure out what to say.
"Well, if you need to do it and just need someone for support, I'm here," she offered, returning to the table, grabbing his glass to continue cleaning up, not another word, not a single argument.
Pausing, Daniel looked down at the box in his hands.
I need to do this; I need to face this and I can do it with her.
I can do anything with her.
I just wish I could tell her how much she means to me.
He started to choke up for a moment, a hurricane of emotions ravaging his soul, all that was left of the first woman he truly loved right here in his hands while the one he loved and could never have stood right behind him, waiting, offering, being everything he needed her to be…
You cannot tell the depth of the river until you see the bottom.
He heard Oma's words in his head, of all things to hear, and he realized that this, like so many other things in his life he had just pushed past, was something he needed to face if he ever really wanteed to move on with his life.
He could do this, here and now with Adrienne's support and then he would know if this was all some stupid fantasy or something more, something real.
Decision made, he walked back out the dining nook, setting the box onto the table and starting to pull out items. He heard footsteps and felt a hand resting on his shoulder, knowing that it was Adrienne, right there, ready and there for him as always. Tossing the lid aside, he peered in to see that at the top of the box were journals, four of them. Daniel opened them one by one, scanning their front covers as he addressed his assistant, his best friend, the person he loved for than anyone else in the universe.
"This one," he said as he handed it over to Adrienne, "and these two have some words that are really specific to the dialect that Kasuf's people spoke. I haven't encountered it since, but I think they should be kept with my other language journals." Adrienne took them without a word and walked them over to Daniel's messenger bag, which was sitting on the sofa, tucking them inside. When she got back she saw him standing there holding one in his hands, staring wordlessly at the volume. Reaching over slowly, she put her hand over his on the journal.
"I know; that one's personal," she said, gazing up at him with a soft smile, "I'll put it in your room." Daniel held it tight for just a second, looking up at Adrienne, the words 'I love you' trapped on his lips but unable to escape. Relinquishing the journal, she took it gently from his grasp, leaning over, kissing his cheek softly, whispering, "I've got this Daniel," into his ear. He let go and Adrienne rushed to the bedroom as he let out a deep breath and sat back down in his seat from earlier.
Adrienne didn't read the journal; she knew what it was and it just made her hurt for him. He was such a wonderful man and she cared so much about him.
She wished she could take his pain away.
For what felt like an eternity, she stood in his bedroom trying to figure out where to put the volume. She thought his nightstand might do, but then he would pull it out and obsess over it; she knew how he was. She didn't want to hide it from him, but she did want it to be out of sight enough not to drive him mad.
Suddenly, she had a thought.
Opening the bottom drawer of his dresser, the one he barely kept anything in, save for a few shirts he never wore, she slid it inside and over to the far corner, covering it lightly with a cream colored sweater. When she returned to the dining nook, Daniel was sitting in front of the box, his head in his hands, so Adrienne walked over to him, pulling up the chair close beside him. Glancing at her, a deep sadness in his eyes, she reached out to squeeze his knee, cocking her head at the box so he would continue.
Taking her direction, he looked back over to the box and began to pull out the rest of the items.
Adrienne helped him go through each one, sorting what needed to be kept and what needed to go. As the time passed, she tried to make jokes and Daniel actually began telling stories of crazy things the men in the village would trick him into doing. They laughed, went through the box and drank more wine, Adrienne deciding that he needed it now more than she had earlier. Daniel was just finishing a story of how Skaara had gotten him to ride a large bison like animal, without a saddle, resulting in his repeated face plants into the desert, when he reached into the box and pulled out a bracelet, dropping to silence as he held the large leather cuff in his hands.
"It's nice," Adrienne said, pulling her legs up and crossing them in the chair like she did when she was uncomfortable, her hands already picking away at her nails.
"Shar'e gave it to me," Daniel admitted aloud what Adrienne already knew but she let him talk, "She said that women weren't supposed to normally give men gifts in the village, but that we weren't a normal couple," he smiled a bit and Adrienne just nodded.
"I wore it every day, until they took her. Then I just couldn't bear it anymore," Daniel sunk his head into his hands again, trying not to cry. Noticing his reaction along with the deep swallow, the chewing on his bottom lip, his tells, Adrienne uncrossed her legs and reached for him, pulling him into her arms.
"It's ok to be sad. You loved her and it seems that she really loved you. She sounds like a pretty cool chic," Adrienne said from his shoulder as she hugged him tightly and he didn't pull away, just let her comfort him, let her hold him.
I love you so much, he said to no one at all, nodding his head to her statement in agreement.
"You would have gotten along well with her," Daniel answered, controlling himself, clearing his throat. Adrienne felt him start to pull away and she let go, watching his blue eyes in the dim light of the living room gaze over at the bracelet, those beautiful eyes of his so full of hurt. For all of the fun they had, all of the good times in the lab, there was a part of him that was just always so sad and she wished she could take it all away, more so than she had ever wanted to help anyone else before.
Daniel, I want to make it all better for you...
Confused by her thoughts, Adrienne shook her head, reaching over and taking the bracelet from him, sliding it gently onto his wrist, interlocking their fingers as she gazed into his eyes.
His gorgeous eyes...
Please don't cry Daniel; I'm here and I swear it'll never happen again.
She started to lean forward, to hug him again, to kiss his full lips, but shook her head quickly, letting go before the wine took over her senses.
I almost kissed Daniel; what's going on with me?
DanielJackson is in love with you, as you are with him.
I know what real love looks like.
STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
"Indy it's 2 a.m. and we've been tearing through your wine supply, so I'm going to crash here, ok? Where are the extra pillows?" Adrienne stood declaring, wanting to escape, but not really escape...
I'll fix it Daniel...
Come let me hold you in my arms like I have so many times before...
Rubbing his eyes under his glasses, as though he had been in some sort of trance himself, Daniel stood, leaving the bracelet on his wrist and grabbing the now empty box.
"Thanks Ad," he said and walked the box over to the pile, the moment gone, Adrienne scolding herself already for her foolishness.
"Hey, you listened to me whine about Ronon's secret plot to secure himself a spouse, so I think we're even," Adrienne smiled and began to clean up the wine glasses for the second time tonight as Daniel slipped away to his room and by the time Adrienne was drying the glasses to put them away there he was standing at the kitchen entrance a t-shirt and pajama pants in hand.
"You can't sleep in that fishing net," he said, running his finger up and down at her attire. Laughing, Adrienne took his offering, starting to head for the sofa when he grabbed her arm.
"You still owe me something stupid in 3D tomorrow, well, today now," Daniel told her, "which won't happen if you sleep on the sofa. You won't sleep, I know you."
He pointed to the front door, before cocking his head in the direction of the bedroom.
"You there, I'll take the couch. And, I pick the movie. Deal?" he asked.
"Sounds good, night shug," she smiled, heading for his room. He could have slept there with her, he did that a lot, but he seemed concerned about doing that now, which was strange, in fact Adrienne began to think something was wrong. Her thoughts and emotions a mess, Adrienne redirected herself to his bedroom, slipping inside and pulling the door closed behind her.
Covering herself up with the blanket, Adrienne leaned across to his nightstand to shut out the light, cuddling down onto his pillow. She looked back out to the living room and again she felt bad that Daniel was sleeping on his own sofa, his six foot frame stuffed on the much smaller piece of furniture, all just to make her happy, to ease her fears. She didn't understand why he didn't just come in here, but she thought it probably had to do with Jack's, hell, everyone's harassment lately and if that was the case she understood.
Or he's in love with you stupid and is just as lost as you are.
Flipping onto her side, reaching for the extra pillow to bring it into her arms, she thought about the events of the evening. At least their night had made up for the date, but in reality, the date wasn't that awful. Ronon was so sweet and he was very open and honest with her and looking back she appreciated that a lot.
Then why was she so upset?
Why did it all feel so wrong to her?
She rolled over onto her stomach, when she felt something hard push into her side, reaching under herself to pull out a canvas bound journal, pen tucked inside.
Daniel, you even sleep with a journal, she thought, chuckling, stretching to set it on the nightstand.
She wished he was in here, so she could roll over and wrap her arm around him and go to sleep...
And then it hit her.
She hadn't had a bad date at all; she had a perfectly good date.
She had a perfectly good dream date, discussing things that she never really thought she would want to discuss, things she had decided were not in the cards for her…
...but with the wrong man.
Because, the right man was asleep on his couch in the other room.
Adrienne gazed up at the door, her heart in complete turmoil.
"Oh my gawd they were right," she whispered to herself running the thought through her head. Not even two years ago she sat at her father's bedside making promises that she only hoped she could keep, that she'd never give up, that she'd never forget what he had taught her, that she'd let herself be happy.
She was, she was finally happy; she was happy with Daniel.
I'm in love with Daniel.
He's my boss.
My best friend.
How did this happen?
Teal'c was right…
Vala was right…
I...love...him...
Unable to think about anything else, Dr. Adrienne Rowan, the queen of sleep, tossed and turned in Daniel's bed, awake and wondering and, more than anything, wishing he was there.
Daniel heard the sounds overhead and rolled his eyes at the racket. Of course a group of college students had to move in upstairs and of course they were having a party right now. They had had parties before, but the way the apartments were laid out, it was never that loud in his bedroom, but this, here in the living room, was unbearable. Trying to shut out the noise, his heart in a battle between wanting to go into the bedroom and wrap his arms around her, hold her in his arms so tightly, kiss her and staying out here, away from her, where a friend is supposed to be, he lay there recalling everything that had happened.
He remembered how he had felt so alone tonight, thinking that before he had found it so pleasantly peaceful but now, laying here, he realized how lonely he had been. She'd come here after the date, here, to be with him and even though she needed a friend tonight had shoved everything aside for him, to help him when he needed her. She was always like that, others first, just another reason why he loved her so much; another reason why she deserved better than him, better than someone who needed much more than he could give. It had been the reverse for him for so long, he had always been so selfless and it wasn't as if he was selfish now, but with her he just found it so easy to talk, to open up, to let it all out. He loved her, with a passion that he didn't even know he had inside.
He lay there, the thumping from above seeming to increase, making him try to adjust and tuck his arm under his head, immedailty noticng that he was wearing the bracelet. He sat up for a moment, running a finger accross the leather, memories flooding his mind.
He had been happy in this life, happy since he had lost her, but there was always something missing, a sort of hole in his heart that he just had accepted would never be filled.
Until now.
He stood, removing the bracelet as he walked, stopping at his bookshelf.
"Thank you for everything," he whispered, setting the gift on the shelf.
"You can do this," he coached himself, "Not tonight, not after what she told you, but you can do this."
He grabbed the pillow, heading for the bedroom.
Pushing the partially shut door slowly, Daniel tiptoed in and over to the bed. He peered through the darkness, hoping Adrienne had not sprawled herself out, knowing that she would be asleep already and not wanting to have to wake her up to explain things he was just starting to really come to terms with himself.
By the dim light of the moon shining through his blinds he saw her laying on her side, curled up tightly and protectively like she usually slept, her warm brown hair splayed across her cheek. Moving as silently as possible, Daniel pulled back the covers to crawl in beside her.
"I told you that sleeping by doors was creepy; glad to know you finally agree," Adrienne responded from her side.
Evidently, she wasn't asleep.
"No," he answered quickly, "college party above." Adrienne just giggled and reached her hand behind herself, squeezing his arm as he got in slowly and cautiously.
"You could have just stayed in here in the first place. I thought we'd determined long ago that I'm not gonna jump your bones. And, apparently, I'm involuntarily engaged to another man, so we're fine," she joked. Daniel slid his hand down her arm and squeezed her palm, quickly, forcing himself not to linger, pulling away to get comfortable and to move himself enough of a distance away where he would not succumb to temptation and roll over, slipping his arm around her waist and kiss her.
"As long as Ronon isn't going to come kill me in my sleep," he joked, playing normal, forcing normal, being normal, "And you still owe me a movie, and trust me, it's going to be one for the ages."
Adrienne laughed, "So, I need to see if I left a Sookie book here then, good to know."
He laughed beside her.
"Good night Ad," he finally whispered.
I love you more than you will ever know, he added in his head, breathing deeply, wondering how he was ever going to be able to do this.
"Night Indy," she answered, rolling over and wrapping her arm around him. He didn't pull away, adjusting to let her cuddle into him, not saying a word.
I love you, she added in her head, trying to will herself to sleep, her heart aching, as she let the sound of his breathing soothe her.