The sky was filled with purples, dark blues, and bits of grey as Emma began to awaken. It had been nearly noon when they'd made it back to the house, and Emma had thankfully been too exhausted to think before falling asleep. Emma was still exhausted, but her watch let her know it was nearing six, she stretched and let out a yawn. Slowly she pulled herself out of the bed and headed to the bathroom.
Emma was quiet, she wasn't quite ready to leave the privacy of the guest room and adjoined bathroom just yet. It was like it's own little private corner where she could think back on everything that happened. To refocus and sort through everything, for it was far too much, and yet, nothing at all at once. She wondered how long that would last, wondered if she truly had the strength to face all of her monsters, to demolish all of the demons in her life.
The world was silent as Emma simply stared out the window into the backyard, processing, thinking, planning. Letting time pass, and the sky darken completely. When the moon reached its highest peak she finally managed to find the strength to call Lucy, she had put it off far too long and if she didn't do it now Emma knew it'd have been another day before she did so.
"It's late." Lucy had answered the phone, but her voice held a tired edge. Causing Emma to swell with guilt, and her stomach churn in her gut. Emma knew Lucy was still mad. She couldn't blame her, as much as she had tried to quell the feelings Lucy had for her she had been unsuccessful.
"I know. I have no good excuse. I'm. I'm gonna do what the therapist told me, I am going to step off the ledge and free fall. I will get this done, I know that won't make up for anything but. Lucy. I have to do this." Emma said softly, with conviction in her tone even though she had her doubts.
After what felt like an eternity with no response Emma had to look at her phone to check to see if perhaps her best friend, her only friend, had hung up on her. She hadn't, but Emma couldn't fault Lucy if she had. Emma had known Lucy's feelings, despite pretending otherwise. It was one thing when she wasn't with anyone else, but after what happened with Ruby, she wouldn't fault Lucy if she never wanted to see Emma again.
"You have a lot of shit to deal with" Lucy told Emma. "I don't know how I really feel after Ruby, however that's something we will deal with together, after this adventure of yours. For now, you work on you and I'll take care of Rhydian. I hope you get whatever closure you need to let go of the demons you hold."
"I love you Lucy, just not in the way you want me to" Emma admitted as a tear slid down her cheek, she was barely able to keep her voice calm. "One day you will find the woman who will love you the way you deserve, I hope we can still be friends."
The conversation shifted to Rhydian, and only after speaking with her son did Emma finally leave the guest quarters. Her bare feet padded softly across the familiar old wooden floors as she made her way down the hall, then down the stairs. Regina lowered her book and smiled at her as she entered the study. Emma gave her a small smile back, before gesturing to the kitchen causing Regina to chuckle.
"I heard you up a few hours ago, I assumed you'd come down when you got hungry enough" Regina said as she turned on the oven. "I was right, I made lasagna, it just needs twenty minutes to heat up properly"
"I had some things to sort." Emma opened up the fridge as she spoke, smiling as she found apple juice in the back. She took out the whole glass jug, before she could drink straight from the bottle Regina handed her a glass with a glare that could kill. "You know me too well"
The two sat at the table, Emma drinking three glasses of juice before being sated. She was hungry, and had been thirsty but the third glass had just been a feeble attempt at a distraction. She had questions about what Rumple had said, but she didn't want to bring up what happened. Unfortunately Emma knew there was no choice, if they even had a chance at being friends Emma needed to work out her shit, and so did Regina.
"I dislike bringing up Ruby, especially with food on the line. However, something Rumple said keeps haunting me. True hate born from true love, does that mean that. That Ruby is my" Emma shook her head, she couldn't even say it out loud. The thought brought bile to her throat.
"No!" Regina exclaimed, scandalized. "No, no, it. Emma you are my true love, it was proven when you were in the hospital" Guilt enveloped Regina. "Because of what happened, between Ruby and I, hatred entered your heart. Growing into True hatred. It is a rare phenomena. Emma, I know I've apologized before, but I am sorry"
The dark haired woman's words instantly relaxed the blonde. Knowing Ruby wasn't her true love was almost as freeing as forgiving Regina had been. Emma loved Regina, and felt no lie from her with her superpower. Emma couldn't help how she felt about Ruby, she hated her with a fire that was only matched by the love she had for Regina. So it made sense in a twisted sort of way.
"I. I wouldn't change what happened, nor would you. We said it before with Archie and I will say it again. Without what happened we wouldn't have Rhydian. I know I have more demons to face, and so do you, but we've agreed to do so together and with his aid. We also must accept whatever that may mean for our future, which I am prepared to do." Regina nodded her agreement before pulling out the food.
They turned to talking about Rhydian and food while they ate, enjoying the comfortable conversation. It was pleasant to speak with each other, for it to be light and carefree. To laugh and look at pictures of Rhydian and discuss the best and worst food fiascos to happen while Emma attempted to cook for her son in the outside world. Long after the food was gone they were out of stories, and washed the fishes side by side. A comfortable silence washing over them.
They retired to the study once the kitchen was cleaned, Emma with the jug of juice and Regina with a small wine glass filled with her famous hard apple cider. As she always did Regina teased Emma about her childish tastes, for the blonde preferred Regina's homemade juice to the alcohol that Regina occasionally indulged in.
Not that Emma hadn't had her own small glass of cider, but after the first she stuck to her juice. They knew, staring at each other from identical leather couches that they needed to work together, to come up with some sort of plan so the small warmth and buzz the cider caused was helpful to loosen their tongues and shave off a little of the tension.
As much as Emma wanted to run and hide from her problems, she knew it was not what was best for herself or her son. Nor was it best for the woman she loved, so she used her newfound strength, alongside the power of her own will to stay calm and stay on task. Making choices that was what was best for her future, as hard as those choices could be. She couldn't fall to the darkness, not again.
Blue was a demon Emma could not face, the fairies had stripped her of her powers and memories when they had found out the truth of what she had done. How she had ignored Regina, and had allowed an innocent heart to be won over by darkness. How she had known what would happen to Daniel, about what Leopold would do not only to his first wife, but to the child bride he had won with Daniel's death. Blue was somewhere out in the world with no memory of the many wrongs she had done to children she felt unworthy, and Emma had to accept that. It was the easiest thing she needed to do if she were honest with herself.
For after the Blue fairy came harder demons to face. Like Snow and David, who couldn't understand their wrongs or how those wrongs affected their daughter - let alone everyone else they had harmed in their lives. Like Ruby, and Granny. Like Henry, whom she was still unsure if she could face, she knew she needed to tell him the truth and to apologize for the way she treated him.
The duo plotted, planned, and talked until the clock struck midnight and they headed off to bed. They were going to speak with Archie in the morning and set their ideas into motion. Both women wanted to ensure Emma was able to say her peace, ask her questions, and not get overwhelmed or angry. She was dangerous when angry towards those she disliked and her parents and Ruby certainly fell onto that list.
Of course, once in bed, Emma was left alone with her thoughts. Before she had Rhydian, or the dumb dog to keep her occupied. Now she was just. Alone. Sure she had. Some sort of friendship with Regina but she wasn't their to keep her from her thoughts, her loneliness. She couldn't ask Regina to be there, it would be admitting too much.
It was times like this, where she was alone, mind racing, that she felt as if she should simply run. However, she was, well she didn't want to delve into her age but she was an adult and she knew it was time to face all her fears. Didn't stop her from thinking over everything she spoke of with Regina.
Thoughts of what happened with Ruby plagued her mind, she didn't want to be thinking of it, remembering it, again but there it was. It had been so dark, so twisted and parts of Emma hated herself as much as she hated Ruby. That thought made Emma chuckle darkly in the darkness. It wasn't that many years ago when it was Ruby whom Emma would turn to with problems like this, Ruby had been the closest friend she had ever had prior to Lucy.
"Fuck" Groaned Emma as she buried her face in a pillow. Thinking of Ruby was bad enough, and she knew she had to talk with her. Lucy, well that was a worse topic to think about. She hadn't ever wanted to hurt her, but their were some things she couldn't share. Like magic. Werewolves. Curses.
Despite holding things back to protect Lucy, Emma knew she'd hurt her. Emma wished things were different, wished she could love Lucy like the woman deserved but she simply couldn't. Emotionally Emma had only ever responded to Regina, she'd been the only she'd ever wanted a true life with.
It was like a rabbit hold, the more Emma's mind wandered, the more problems came to the forefront of her mind. After Ruby, Lucy, what of Regina. Emma still loved her, there were no doubts about that, but could she trust her? Rhydian loved her, and Emma knew she couldn't tear him from her, but could she risk building a family with her?
In her current condition, with all of these things bothering her, these so-called demons, she knew it wasn't fair to Regina. Regina was working so hard to fix her mistakes and face her demons, and Emma knew if she was unwilling to do the same then even a friendship had absolutely no chance in hell.
So, despite every fiber of her being torn between fleeing and hiding under a rock forever. She knew she had to face everything, had to continue to see Archie. Continue talking through her problems. She had to stick to the plans she had set, assuming Archie felt right about it, and talk with her parents. With Ruby, Granny, and finally, she had to open up to Henry and tell him the truth.
"I can hear your brain in overdrive all the way in my bedroom, want company or just a mug of something warm?" Regina said softly as she opened the door to Emma's guest room. Emma just stared at her.
"I'm not okay" Whispered Emma. "I. Need to trust you. And. I'm not. I'm not okay" The words were so soft Regina barely registered them. She was stunned, Emma had always been this strong force. Angry sometimes sure, but never did she literally look like she was about to break.
They had worked on so much, talked about more things then Emma ever had before. She had seemed fine, strong as ever. Seemed like a more improved version of the Emma she had fallen in love with so many years before, the Emma that didn't let anything break her down. As Regina stared down at Emma, whose emerald eyes held such vulnerability. She wondered why she hadn't known this was bound to happen. Emma was drowning under her demons, her biggest fear was being alone. That Regina knew for certain.
"I don't expect you to be, but you are not alone." Regina strode forward, ripped the blanket back and climbed into the bed and pulled Emma tightly against her. Emma buried her face in the crook of Regina's neck. "I am here for you, no matter what, I always will be."