To say that she felt like a creeper was the understatement of the century. Emma stood, uninvited, in Regina's room. Leaning against the door, arms folded. Eyes on high alert as they roamed the mayor's form. The woman in question was sleeping soundly. Enamoring the blonde with the steady rise and fall of her chest. The blanket tossed off to reveal silk pajamas, the button up purple long sleeve shirt had risen up, revealing a belly button in the midst of creamy sun-kissed skin. Emma couldn't help but watch onwards. Uninvited, unwanted, she was nothing more than a peeping tom or trespasser.
Heart heavy, emotions running rampant as she stared. Her eyes unwilling to move from the breathtaking scene before her. Eventually she allowed her legs to pull her towards the bed, she wished so desperately to crawl in and just hold the woman against her. That was one line that she wasn't about to cross, she felt bad enough just breaking in like this. However, after being healed, she'd been drawn here. Like a rope had dragged her there and up the stairs, even now it was still tugging at her. Trying to coax her, but she would control herself. She didn't want to be anymore of a monster than she already was.
Not ready to walk away Emma levitated herself, and crossed her legs. Sitting with her elbows on her knees, and her hands under her chin. Just staring at Regina. Wishing for so many things, her thoughts running like a herd of wild horses. Sitting on the air was not normal for her, but the thought of stepping away from Regina right now was too hard to bare. Plus, with Emma's luck, she'd probably make noise dragging a chair over. When she could no longer bare the silence Emma reached out, and picked up one of Regina's hands that had fallen from the mattress. Holding it in her own.
"There is so much I need to say to you" Broke the silence, whispered into the darkness. "I miss you. I miss you every second of every minute. Truth is, I have loved you for so long. From the very beginning probably. There is not a single minute that my heart does not break from not being able to see your face." Emma kissed her knuckles.
Fighting back tears Emma paused, slowing her breathing. She would not cry, she was stronger than that. Emma had to be strong, weakness was not accepted. Never had been, and she'd be damned if she started now. The clock ticked as she fought back her sorrow and pain. Doing her best to hold herself in at least some control of her body. She'd allowed it free reign enough as it was. Finally, when she had conquered the urge, she looked back at Regina.
"For you I have been gone mere months. Have you noticed? For me it has been two years. Two years of dreaming about you, of fighting, of playing with death. Pain and anguish. I know I do not deserve you, that I could never. I know I do not deserve your love, kindness. Definitely not your forgiveness. I know that I could never earn those things from you. Regina. I love you, and I. I refuse to die until I can leave you with something worthy of your greatness. Something you can be proud of, something that can protect you. For you I will fight until the ends of the earth. Until blood no longer pumps through my veins." Admitted the blonde. "I will die for you" She whispered, so softly she herself barely heard it.
Once more she had to fight back tears. Her heart breaking all over again, she had already left gifts behind. Magically obtaining them and wrapping them in an instant. Stacking them underneath the tree with a wave of her hand, silently heading for her true destination. She knew where she was headed from the beginning, where she was always headed. It had been no surprise when she'd slipped through Regina's door. Emma kissed her hand again.
"I'd wait forever and a day for you if I thought I had even the slightest sliver of a chance. Even if it was .05 in a million I'd wait, and wait. But I know. With everything I've done to you, everything I've done in my life. I just couldn't ever be what you need, want or deserve. You could never love someone like me, you deserve someone so much better then I." Regina twitched in her sleep as Emma finished speaking.
One, lone, single tear slid slowly down Emma's right cheek. She wasn't ready to leave, to face whatever else she must. Her wish was for this moment, this night, to last forever. So that, in some way, she could forever be by Regina's side. The woman's hand was still clutched within her own, and she dreaded letting it go, but she knew she must. The knowledge that this was as close to Regina as she could ever get. Confessions to a sleeping woman who knew not of her presence or words, was the best she was ever going to get. Even that she felt like she did not deserve.
Inside she broke into a thousand more pieces as she placed the woman's hand back onto the bed as she slowly stood up. Ceasing her levitation once she was in a standing position, carefully placing herself back onto the floor. There she stood for several minutes, not wanting to leave, every fiber wanted her to wake the woman up. Beg her forgiveness, beg for her love, beg to be a dog, a slave. Anything to be at her side, but those weren't realistic options. So instead, she performed one more selfish act for herself. She leaned down, and placed the softest of kisses upon Regina's cheek. Before she could do any more damage, she turned around and headed for the door. Disappearing into thin air.
When Regina awoke that morning it was barely four, it was in fact Christmas eve, however, she knew it would be awhile before either boy was up or in need of something. However, her heart hurt in a strange way. As if something bad, or sad, had happened as she slept. She'd jumped from her bed, and raced towards Charlie's room first. He was sleeping with his arms sprawled out in every which way, much like Emma's. He was fine, so off to Henry's room she went. She found him. Blanket kicked off, mouth hanging open, laying on his side with his arms around his stuffed bear. He too was fine, so whatever this feeling was, it must have come from whatever dream she had awoken from. The problem was, she couldn't remember it, but it felt so damn important.
Rather than dwell on the bad feelings stirring in her gut she decided she might as well be up for the day. They were planning on an early dinner with everyone, and while she wasn't fond of Snow or David she had grown close to Ruby and Belle who had recently moved in together, and she'd always gotten along well with Katherine, and her new beau Frederick. Showered, dressed, and in need of a cup of coffee before Charlie woke up and demanded her presence Regina finally made her way down the stairs. She passed by the living room into the kitchen, halted, then walked backwards. Underneath the tree was a large stack of gifts that she herself had not purchased.
After a few moments of thought Regina assumed that Ruby had probably put them there last night and that she had been too tired to notice. It wasn't until Ruby arrived with Belle, an hour before dinner, to help keep the kids out of the kitchen and to set up when Regina learned that it wasn't her. Snow had been there the day before, to pick up some extra pumpkin and apple pies for Granny's diner. So she pulled out her phone to call the woman.
"Snow. Did you happen to leave a rather large stack of presents under my tree while you were picking up Granny's pies?" She asked as she handed Ruby a bottle and shooed Henry out of her kitchen for the tenth time that hour alone. Slight concern was in her voice as she went from task to task. Worry was etched like a mask into her face. "Ruby says they don't smell dangerous, but she didn't leave them, and they certainly weren't put there by me."
"No, we didn't" Snow said after a long moment. Regina rolled her eyes at the woman, she had probably been trying to figure out if claiming they were from her was worth the risk. Though, the fact she hadn't done it left few possibilities. Gold would have taken claim. "We are actually pulling up outside as we speak, give us a moment to get in and we will figure everything out. It's Christmas tomorrow, it's not a time to worry"
Regina at one head of the table, the other a place was set out, as if she were waiting for someone to appear, but no one was allowed to sit there. Ruby and herself took no joy in David's annoyed scowl when Regina had firmly told him to move. He'd argued he was the 'man' of this house in Henry's stead. Regina had started to warm the seat with magic, and he'd jumped right up. Taking his place across from Snow. On Regina's right was the highchair which held six month old Charlie who was much happier with the fruit loops Henry had 'sneaked' to him then the cheerios Regina had placed there, or god forbid the baby food she tried to feed him between her own bites of food.
Even more upsetting for the White couple was the fact that Belle was sitting next to Charlie, with Ruby sitting across next to Henry. Putting poor Frederick between Ruby and Snow's heated glances, which amused his girlfriend who was unfortunately sitting next to David. James had been a dick at times, but he was ten times better than David any day of the week, and don't even get that blonde started in his ability to fight, or rather his lack thereof. Everyone besides Snow and David talked and swapped stories and what have you during the dinner.
"So. These gifts" David had interrupted Katherine. Not that he cared. "It wasn't us, wasn't you, wasn't Katherine and wasn't Gold. That leaves no one else, so, really, it makes absolutely no sense at all" The fact that he was talking with his mouth full of half-chewed food caused his wife to send him a chilling glare while also kicking his ankle under the table.
"Magic was definitely involved. Though, the user was quite skilled. They left only trace amounts of the smell, I caught a whiff of it. So minute that I had thought it was my imagination gone wild at first, but I am sure it was magic. Gold's magic was drained when the dagger was destroyed. He was always too proud to cover up the smell anyway. He's powerless, and this was not Regina's magic. It had similar traits, but was not hers." Ruby had the good sense to swallow before speaking, something David had obviously never been taught.
Since they were already going to open Katherine's and the Charming couple's gifts Regina relented to Henry's constant badgering, Ruby couldn't smell anything dangerous. He had desperately wanted to open 'magical santa's' gifts since he had found them that morning. So his mother had decided it was best to have a wolf, and two warriors at her side just in case. Frederick was better with a sword then Snow, a better warrior in all, but two was better than one. Even if she was a jackass bitch ninety percent of the time. And David, well he was rather unnecessary, Katherine would be more help in a fight, but where he was his wife was.
Excitedly Henry tore through the large pile of gifts with his name on the tags. Shredding the paper away into confetti sized chunks, as if they weren't opened in less than ten seconds they would burst into flames. While Henry went through his larger stack of gifts Regina situated Charlie on her lap and helped him open his own gifts considering he, for the most part, just wanted to drool on the colorful paper anyway.
As Regina had drifted off to sleep that night, Charlie on her stomach, one hand on his back to steady him she wondered just who could have left the presents. None were dangerous, some were things she herself wouldn't choose, however there had been nothing dangerous. Nothing overly concerning. Well, besides a few onesies. The worst of which read 'if you think I'm a screamer you should hear my mom'. Which, while on occasion true, was so not acceptable for her six month old son. Another had read 'I'm a baby. Bitches love babies'. Although the future zombie hunter one was rather adorable, even if not to her taste.
This was the second time in two months, at least of Regina's time, that Emma had found herself staring down at her sleeping form. She'd ended up catching an arrow to her leg, and she'd seen the date. It was nearly Henry's twelfth birthday, so she had picked up a few things and had brought them over. Going up to Regina's room hadn't been a part of the plan, but she had ended up there anyway. Guilt ate at her system as she stared down at her lovingly. She was perfection. The baby was on her chest, snot staining her pajama top. A baby thermometer and baby Tylenol on the bedside table.
Without thinking Emma had gone to pick up her son. Whom from Gold she had found out they had started to call Charlie, as calling him Emmett had seemed too close to Emma for their liking. Upon touching his heated form he had let out a bloodcurdling wail that had Regina sitting up grabbing him from her like she was gonna kill him, Emma was backing away when Regina's eyes snapped back up. She'd realized who had been holding, well, trying anyway, her son.
"YOU!" Was all Regina could think to say. Her son had quieted in her arms but he was grabbing at her tightly, whimpering slightly. She was thankful Henry wasn't here that night, she wouldn't even know how to explain this should he have run in from waking up from her and the baby's screams.
"I. I wasn't gonna hurt him" Emma said awkwardly. "I just wanted to take his fever away. Make him better. I swear I'm. I'm sorry" She was still backing away, trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do. Even now her kid still hated her guts, and Regina had seen her.
The two just stared at each other. Emma backed up until her back had glued itself to the wall. Regina sitting on the bed, her son clutched in her arms. Trying to figure out exactly what was going on as this was just. Confusing. Emma was here, how? What was she doing here? How could she possibly take away Charlies cold? It was a virus, the doctor said it'd be another week at least. How in the hell did Emma get into her house? And why did she look like she was about to be teared to limb from limb before being tossed to a den of hungry man-eating alligators?
Emotions hit both women like a mack truck. Emma's top emotion was fear, followed by her love of Regina. Her need to hold her in her arms. While Regina couldn't figure out what the hell she was feeling the most. Several she couldn't even properly place, they were two muddied by the confusion, fear, anger, and need that were swimming around the surface of her mind. Regina knew, at the least, that Emma would never hurt Charlie. At least not physically.
"I know you won't hurt him. You can't just cure a cold Emma. How did you get in here? What are you doing here? Where have you been? I've been worr-" Regina stopped for a micro-second "I've been wondering where you were, Henry's been worried beyond belief. Even Ruby's been going apeshit over your disappearance!"
"I've been gone" Regina rolled her eyes. That was not an answer! "Trust me, for two seconds. Let me hold him, just for two seconds. Okay?" Emma said. Taking a careful step forward. Reluctantly the woman nodded, and Emma came over to her slowly. Still scared.
Howling Charlie thrashed about like Emma was going to eat him for dinner. She placed his head in the crook of her elbow and got a nice firm grip on the wiggling child. Placing her free hand on his stomach. Pale blue light appeared from Emma's hand, and illuminated the boy. Healing magic, and after a few seconds Emma was sweating as the light slowly extinguished itself. Carefully Emma handed the boy back to his mother, he cried for a few seconds but quickly he was fine. Regina stared at Emma incredulously.
"You have magic" How could she have a handle on her magic, let alone enough to heal a child!? On the boat she hadn't been able to master lighting candles! "How? Where?" Emma looked away in shame. "Rumpelstiltskin taught you, didn't he!" A shrug was given in response.
With a wave of her hand a barrier spell was wrapped around the room. Thinking better of it, Regina placed two more. Surely Emma didn't have magic to get through three barriers occupying the same space. Regina could tell by Emma's raised eyebrow, and slight tilt of her head upward she had felt the barrier being placed. With that Emma sat on the ground, just staring at the floor. As if submitting to Regina. She put up no fight, and Regina was tired. She didn't have time to deal with Emma tonight, her son had kept her up for nearly three days with his virus. But in the morning, there would be hell to pay.
"You plan on imprisoning me here?" Was softly spoken when Regina got done putting Charlie into the playpen she'd set up in her room the night before. She shot Emma a glare. "You plan on holding me here then? I can understand why, I've committed many a crime among you and others of this place"
However, Emma had no plan of staying here. Her power was ever-growing, cracking three barriers could have kept Cora at bay for a few days, but it would take her a minute at most. She would wait until Regina fell asleep, then cast a memory altering spell so she couldn't remember the incident. It wasn't that she wanted to, she hated that she had to, but she couldn't let Regina remember this night.
"Sheriff Swan" Emma raised an eyebrow. "Whatever. I'm too tired to deal with you tonight. We can discuss what bad things you've done and not done in the morning. Promise me that you won't even try to leave as I sleep, I would like to get some rest. You must promise not to leave. And I'll give you this, you've never lied to me"
"I promise not to try to leave, and I promise not to leave" It was a lie. It was a promise she would break, but she had no choice. It killed her to do it, this was the one person who she never wanted to tell an untruth to. However, if she told the truth that the moment Regina was sleeping she'd slip away the woman would have stayed up.
Taking her at her word Regina tossed down her extra pillow and the blanket at the foot of the bed for the woman to use. Obediently Emma laid upon them. The brunette fell asleep quickly, sleeping soundly with the sense that somehow everything would be alright. However, once her blonde counterpart was sure she was indeed asleep she was placing a finger from the highest point on her forehead, down to the tip of her nose. To Emma's knowledge, wiping the memory of the night with her magic. Then she'd left, her heart heavy, guilt and shame dancing on her soul.
With a scared yelp Regina shot upwards. Panic settling in, where was her son? Once she was standing a relieved sigh left her lips. He was sleeping soundly in the playpen. She checked his forehead, surprised to find that instead of warm and clammy it felt normal. She had an odd dream about Emma and magic and cures and barriers, but it had been just a dream. Though, as Regina hoisted him and out of the playpen she supposed at least the part of getting the little guy to sleep alone had been true. She quickly put the dream out of her mind as she prepared for the day.