What happens now?

Trigger warning: Talk about and eventual use of survival techniques that may be seen as distressing by some. Nothing gruesome, but there has to be some reality in the events of the story.

And their entire world exploded around them.

Jane's first thought was, "Too loud!" Her second thought was, "Maura," which led to her third thought, "Get to the closet."

After all was said and done, Jane wouldn't be able to recall what happened, but as soon as the explosions started, she reacted. She grabbed the agent closest to her and dragged her into the closet. She had no doubt based on how loud the explosions were that the building was going down, and they had little chance of survival. However, she had a family that she had to get home to, and if she was going to die, she was going to die fighting like hell to survive.

Jane might make fun of Maura's googlemouth, but the truth was, she loved it, and she (almost) always listened. She couldn't remember when Maura had told her, but she did remember Maura saying something about closets in some buildings providing extra support.

As soon as their backs hit the back wall of the closet, they started falling. Jane closed her eyes on instinct and covered her head with her arms on instinct, losing her gun in the process.

Jane had no idea how long she had been falling, but it felt like they'd gone down at least a few floors. It felt like it lasted forever, but at the same time, it felt like it was over as quickly and as suddenly as it started.

It was pitch black, eerily quiet, and unnervingly still, but most surprising was the fact that she was alive. Not only was she alive, but she was relatively unharmed. Yes, she would definitely be sore and bruised, but she didn't have any major injuries. No broken bones. No serious head injuries. No gaping wounds.

Jane nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a groan next to her.

"Hello," Jane called out tentatively.

"Is someone there?" a timid voice answered.

Jane reached towards the voice and was surprised to find that the agent she had pulled into the closet with her was right next to her. "Are you okay?" Jane asked.

"Um, I think so."

Jane started using her hands to search the space around them. It was tight, but it felt secure.

"What happened? How are we still alive?" the woman asked.

"Other than the fact that there seemed to be a number of explosions that caused the building to collapse, I honestly don't know," Jane said. "Can you move around at all?"

"Just enough to sit up."

"Same," Jane replied. "I lost my gun in the collapse, but…" Jane felt around her kit belt, "…yes! I have my phone."

"Does it work?"

Jane blinked as her screen lit up. "Well, it's not dead, but I don't have a signal," she said with a sigh. She flipped on the flashlight feature and shown it around the space. "I'm surprised by how solid the stuff around us feels," Jane muttered as she pushed on some of the concrete around her. "Like, unless there are more explosions or they do something stupid while they dig through the wreckage, I don't think this is going to just unexpectedly collapse."

"What do you think? Six feet long, three feet wide, and what…maybe three-and-a-half to four feet high on this side." The agent indicated the side where they could sit up and rest their backs against one of the longer sides. "And maybe 18 inches by our feet?"

"Yeah, that's pretty close," Jane said. "Okay, we should try to conserve the phone battery in case they clear enough of the rubble for us to get a signal, but I want to use the light to check for injuries first. Also, to catalogue what we do have at our disposal."

"Sounds good. By the way, my name is Sarah Rodriguez."

Jane chuckled lightly. "Sorry, Sarah, I guess I jumped the gun a bit. My name is Jane Rizzoli."

They spent the next few minutes using the light to check both of their bodies for injuries. Both of them had a number of scrapes and bruises, but they were mostly fine. They also took off their bullet-proof vests, which turned out to be an incredibly difficult task given the limited space. Luckily, if they sat on their vests, it provided a minimal amount of cushioning – or at least it was better than the concrete.

Sarah had also lost her gun, but she had her phone as well.

"Let's turn one off for now and turn off every app that uses energy on the other to try to make the batteries last as long as possible. At least, that way, we can check for a signal and also know what time it is," Jane suggested, and Sarah readily agreed. Jane turned her phone off and Sarah turned her phone to airplane mode. They figured that way, it wouldn't continually search for a signal, but they could easily check every so often.

"Now what?" Sarah asked.

"We try our best to conserve our own energy. It's gonna get real hot, real fast in here. We have no water and no food, and we have no idea how long we're going to be here. Luckily, there seem to be some gaps, so as long as we don't do anything too strenuous, I don't think oxygen will be a problem."

"Are we going to have to drink our pee?" Sarah asked, her voice indicating more resignation than anything else.

"I don't know," Jane said quietly. "We likely have some time before we have to make that decision, and while dehydration is probably going to be our biggest concern and I think we should do anything we can to mitigate it, the physical limitations of this space may make it difficult to actually capture our pee. I don't even think I could get on my knees, let alone squat. Uh, this may gross you out, but there is one thing I think we should do."

"Honestly, I just want to survive, so as long as it's not cannibalism, I'm at least open to hearing the idea," Sarah said.

Jane laughed. "I promise, I draw the line well before cannibalism," she said. "No, um, I'm breastfeeding. If we can find something that I can hand-pump the milk into, I think we should drink it, and I don't think we should wait until we're desperate. I'm gonna have to do something soon or my boobs are gonna explode, and I think we should drink it. I know that's gross, but…"

"I agree," Sarah interjected. "I just won't think about it too much," she added with a laugh. "But of all the things I could imagine, that sounds by far the least terrible."

Jane nodded and they fell into silence.

"So, you have kids, then?" Sarah asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah, four-month-old twins," Jane said, the smile evident in her voice.

"I can't believe you gave birth to twins four months ago and now you're going on a raid," Sarah said in disbelief. "I mean, I know that technically your body is probably healed, but that seems fast."

"I didn't give birth," Jane said. "My wife did."

"But you're breastfeeding? How does that work?"

"Turns out even women who didn't give birth can make milk if their boobs are stimulated enough."

"So, are you both breastfeeding then? Wait, sorry, that was way too personal."

Jane laughed. "Sarah, I literally can't hear anything going on outside, so I think we're going to be here a while. You're likely going to be drinking my milk. I don't think it gets any more personal than that. You can ask me whatever you want.

"And to answer your question, no, my wife isn't breastfeeding. She had…their birth was really traumatic. Like, literally, I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life, but anyway, she was in the ICU for a while after they were born and then she had restrictions on how much weight she could hold for even longer. It wasn't long before it became clear that breastfeeding was going to be one thing too many for her body. She was devastated. God, I hated seeing her like that.

"Anyway, I had already started faux breastfeeding using what was essentially a tube taped to my boob from right after they were born so that they could learn to latch and have that skin-to-skin contact. Eventually, we decided to make that more permanent. It has honestly been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and simultaneously the most amazing thing I've ever done."

"What are your kids' names?" Sarah asked.

"Elena and Lucia," Jane replied. "My wife's name is Maura. She's the chief medical examiner for the commonwealth, but she's currently still on maternity leave. How about you? Are you dating, married, any kids?"

"I'm married, no kids," Sarah replied. "My husband Jose is also an FBI agent."

"You're both in New York City?"'

"Yeah, and he didn't travel with us for this case. Although, knowing him, I'm sure he's already on his way to Boston."

"I get that. Maura's the same way. She'll probably come help as a first responder. As much as I wish she'd stay home safe in this situation, I know she'd never be able to sit by while people needed help," Jane said.

"Will they allow her to work the scene knowing you're inside, most likely dead?" Sarah asked.

"Good point," Jane said. "I don't know. She's worked cases before when I've been in danger, but that was before we were together."

"How long have you guys known each other?"

Jane laughed. "Eleven years, but we were both completely blind to each other's feelings for way too long. God, I was so fucking in love with her for so long, and I was so sure that she didn't feel the same way. We were best friends. We did everything together. She was a part of our family. But eventually, it got too hard, and I ran. I was terrified of watching her built a life and a family with someone else. I got a job offer from the FBI academy, and I ran 400 miles.

"Except, it was worse. I was an idiot. Having my heart broken but still getting to see her every day would have been so much better than not being around her."

"Was she serious with someone?" Sarah asked.

"That's the thing. She wasn't when I took the job. I had just stressed myself out with the anticipation of losing her. But then, an old boyfriend – the guy she had previously called the love of her life – came back into the picture just before I moved, and that became serious. They got engaged that Christmas – about four months after I'd left."

"I'm sorry, Jane," Sarah said kindly.

"It was my own doing," Jane admitted. "I'd been a coward."

"What changed?"

"I RSVP'd no to her wedding, and in her words, she 'cared more if I was at her wedding than if Ian was at her wedding,' so she broke off the engagement and flew to Virginia. Turns out, she'd felt the same way about me the entire time. Sometimes, it still hurts to think of what could have been, but then I remind myself that maybe this was just how it was supposed to be."

"My husband and I danced around each other for a while, too," Sarah admitted. "Although, not for eleven years."

"Hey, to be fair, we only danced around each other for ten years. She came to Quantico two years ago – almost exactly actually. It was mid-July, so I guess two years and three weeks. How long have you and Jose been together?"

"We danced around each other for…uh, maybe fourteen months. Then, we dated for 8 months before getting engaged. We were engaged for a little over a year, and we've been married for six months. We had a snowy wedding this past February."

"Valentine's Day?" Jane asked with a smirk that was hidden by the darkness.

Sarah laughed. "No, and actually I would have preferred that the date was even farther from Valentine's Day than it was. But I'd always wanted a winter wedding, and the church was available that weekend. It was perfect, though. The snow made for absolutely beautiful pictures, but honestly, we could have gotten married at city hall, and it would have been perfect," Sarah said.

Jane laughed. "I hear ya, there," she said. "We had a beach wedding, but I couldn't have cared less where we got married. All I cared about what that it was Maura."

"Okay, so you got together two years ago. When did you get married, then?"

"Last May, as in fifteen months ago. We knew we wanted a family, so we actually started the IVF process before we got married, but the first five rounds failed. We were going to switch to adoption if the sixth one didn't take, but it did, and we have two beautiful little girls."

"That's wonderful, Jane," Sarah said. "Since we're baring all, I'm going to ask another inappropriate question."

But Jane knew exactly what Sarah was going to ask. "We used her eggs, so they're biologically related to Maura, and she carried them. We found a donor who shared many of my physical characteristics, though. Everyone thinks they're biologically related to me, and I have to admit that I can see it, but I can also see so much of her in them."

"You really love her," Sarah observed quietly.

"Yeah, I do," Jane replied softly. "She's amazing, and she's a wonderful wife and mother. I honestly don't know what I did to deserve her. Actually, I don't deserve her. She's the kindest, most generous person I've ever met. She's also crazy smart. She's a little quirky, but in like the most endearing way possible.

And actually, one of her quirks probably saved our lives," Jane added as realization hit her.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, she's crazy smart, and she loves to explain things to other people. She has a tendency to ramble on for a while about the most random things. She was the one who told me that in some buildings, closets have additional support, so as soon as I realized that the building was probably going to go down, I grabbed the person closest to me – that's you – and found the closest closet. I mean, it's still more luck than anything else that we're still alive. I had no way of knowing if this closet was reinforced, and even if it was, the chances of surviving this kind of collapse are still probably minimal, but…"

"But you wouldn't have put us in a position to have a chance if she hadn't told you that," Sarah finished for her.

"Yeah," Jane said softly. "God, it's already getting hot in here, and I'm gonna have to pump soon."

"We should take off at least some of our clothes," Sarah said. "And find something to hold the milk."

"I wonder if any of these holder thingys on my belt will work," Jane said as she struggled to pull her belt from her pants. "Ugh, can we use the light for a minute?" she asked as she tried to feel for any holes in her gun holster.

"Yeah, here, hold on," Sarah said, finding her phone. "We should check for a signal soon, too." She turned on the flashlight, causing both of them to cringe at the bright light after being in the dark for so long.

"Yeah, this'll definitely work," Jane said. "Alright, I'm good on the light."

Sarah turned the light off and quickly checked for a signal, finding nothing.

Jane struggled to express her milk with one hand while holding the holster in her other for a while before finally admitting that she needed help. "Okay, I'm sorry to ask you to do this, but can you hold the belt so that I can use both hands," Jane asked.

"Of course," Sarah said, taking the belt from Jane.

They remained silent in a fruitless attempt to not acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. Jane just kept telling herself that she was doing this so that she could get home to Maura, Elena, and Lucia. In the end, because Sarah was respectful about the whole thing and neither of them could see much in the dark, it wasn't terrible.

When they were done, Jane said, "Um, I'm going to turn on my phone for a bit. I want to write a letter to Maura. Just in case," she added quietly. "I figure if we don't survive, they'll still eventually find out bodies, and someone will turn on my phone. If it's in my outbox, the email will send when someone turns on the phone."

"I'm going to do that too," was all Sarah said.

Dear Maura,

I suppose, by the time you read this, you'll know what happened – probably in more detail than I know. You'll know that I, along with another agent, survived the initial collapse. We're trapped in a confined space under the rubble. I have no idea how far down we are or how long we'll be here, but I need you to know that I'm doing everything in my power to last as long as possible so that I can get home to you, Elena, and Lucia.

But just in case I don't make it home, I wanted to make sure that I told you a few things. First and most importantly, I love you with all my heart, and I will love you until my last breath, whether that's today, tomorrow, or in a few decades. I've loved you for so long, but being married to you and having a family together have been the absolute best experiences of my life.

Second, please make sure that Elena and Lucia know how much I love them. I hate the thought that I might not get to see them grow up, but knowing that they have you gives me some comfort. You're an amazing mom, and Elena, Lucia, and I are so lucky.

I also want you to know that I know how much you love me. I know you, and I know that you're upset that we had a rough last morning together. But you know what? While I hated leaving the house knowing that you were frustrated and upset, I don't necessarily mind that that was our last interaction. I know that might sound weird, but the reason I don't mind is because we were living our dream – together. Parenting is fucking hard, and I wouldn't want to take it on with anyone else. The most exhausting, frustrating experiences with you and our girls are still a million times better than my best days without you.

You're not going to like this next part, but you need to know it. If you need to skip this paragraph for now and come back to it when your grief isn't so raw, that's okay. But Maura, when you're ready, please don't hesitate to move on. Find love. Find happiness. Date. Get married. Add to your family – our family. I mean it when I say that I know how much you love me, but all I want is for you and the girls to be happy. You deserve everything good in this world. You deserve to love and be loved every single day of the rest of your life. It's okay to move on, Maura. It doesn't mean that our love was any less significant, any less important. I love you more than you know.

I am still hoping and praying to see you again. To hold you again. To kiss you again. To experience more chaotic, frustrating mornings with you. I don't know how long we'll be down here or if we'll be found in time, but I'll keep fighting.

I love you with all my heart.

Love,
Jane

P.S. For reference, we've only been down here about three hours at this point. Given that we can't hear any movement, I'm guessing that's only going to be a tiny fraction of the time we spend down here. Depending on how long my phone lasts (we're alternating between using our phones to save power, but I had to indulge myself and use a little extra battery power to make sure I could tell you a few things), I might try to write again.

I wanted to post this chapter early because I want to post the next Maura chapter before the weekend and I hate posting on Fridays. Enjoy!