That Can't Be True
Frankie dropped his gaze to gather himself before looking back at Maura. "Maura, Jane was inside."
"No," Maura said defiantly. "No. She…no, that can't be true."
"She and sergeant detective Sam Granger were with FBI raid team. We…we don't know their status." Frankie's voice broke as he said it. He didn't want to admit it (even if everyone probably already knew), but he was scared for his sister. He couldn't bear to think about a future in which she wasn't pushing every button he didn't know he had, but he knew it was worse for Maura.
"I'm sorry, Maura, but I need you out of here. Go home," Frankie pleaded.
"No, I-I can help," Maura tried, but even she didn't believe her words. There was no way she could properly attend to patients when she needed to check every body that came out to see if it was Jane's.
"Maura," Frankie said sadly.
"I know, I can't help," she admitted, rubbing her hand over her face. She was surprised when Frankie pulled her into a hug. She was stiff for a few moments before she melted into the hug. As soon as she did, she burst into tears. She let him hold her while she cried.
"Let me get an officer to drive you home," Frankie said softly when they separated, but Maura shook her head.
"No! I'm not leaving," Maura said, more loudly than she intended. "I admit that I'm in no condition to practice medicine, but…but I have to be here. I have to know. I-I…Frankie, they really haven't heard from anyone? They have no idea?"
Maura was quickly getting worked up again, and if she didn't pull herself together, she was headed for a full-fledged panic attack.
"Okay, okay," Frankie said, clearly noticing Maura's growing panic. He looked around for someone to tell that he was going to step away for a few minutes. Spotting his boss, he called out, "Cav, I'm gonna take five, okay?"
Cavanaugh just glanced between Frankie and Maura before nodding quickly and returning to his previous task.
"Come on," Frankie said gently to Maura.
"No, Frankie, please. I need…I need to know what's happening. I need…"
"I know, okay, but I need to know that you're safe," he said as he led her out of the blockaded area to a bench that sat directly across the street.
Maura nodded vaguely as she followed him and sat down on the bench.
Frankie sat down next to her and started talking, "We don't know much, but I'll tell you what we do know. The FBI has been tracking a trafficking ring from New York City. I don't know the details of what brought them to Boston, but they had a location – an apartment in this building. Because of the location, they requested BPD's cooperation. They also asked for BPD's best cops to join the raid team."
Maura closed her eyes. This wasn't the first time she had hated that Jane was the best at her job, and she hoped it wouldn't be the last.
"Jane and Granger joined the raid team. Their teams, including Cade and Garza, were on the ground – outside of the building but close enough to track people who were coming and going. Jane and Granger joined a team of six FBI agents that raided the apartment. There were also ten additional plain-clothed agents placed throughout the apartment building, primarily around the stairwells and elevator. The agent on the ground-level was able to get out, pulling the front lobby employee out with him when the explosions started. No one else has been heard from, but as you probably figured out, cell service isn't great."
"How…how many people?" Maura choked out.
"We don't know," Frankie said sadly. "We don't know how many people were home at the time of the explosion. We do know that 499 people legally live here. The hope is that most were out of the building, either at work or elsewhere. BPD is already working on contacting everyone on the leases, but there's always the possibility that some apartments were housing more than the number of people listed on the lease. There were six employees in the building at the time of the raid, as well.
"So far, they evacuated 46 residents from the uncollapsed portions of the building. Most of the damage was on this side, the south-west corner. Ten bodies have been pulled from the rubble, and 12 residents have been identified as safe. Two more were safely removed from the rubble and are at the hospital. They set up a command center at BPD to contact residents and family to try to locate people who might not have been home. Nina's the liaison from here, so we'll know anything as soon as they do," Frankie explained. "Cade and Garza are both at the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries, as are some other cops and agents."
Maura rubbed her hands over her face as she tried not to cry. There could potentially be hundreds of victims, but her mind was stuck on one: Jane. Her Jane. Her wife. Her best friend. Her lifeline. Her home.
Lifting her head, Maura said, "I know you need to get back to work." She wanted to thank him for taking the time to give her all of the information he had, but she couldn't get any more words out.
"I do," Frankie sighed. "But I'll come update you as soon as I know more. Or Nina will. She's here, too. Please, just stay here unless you're going to go home, and if you decide to go home, just let one of us know."
"I will," Maura said softly.
Frankie pulled Maura into an awkward side hug. "No matter what happens, you're not alone," he whispered into her hair. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her bottom lip to keep from crying again, and before she could respond, he stood up and returned to work.
Maura's eyes scanned the scene in front of her as she sat alone on the bench. All she could see was the devastation. It reminded her of when the Storrow center collapsed trapping Tommy, TJ, and Frost inside. At the time, Maura tried her best to understand Jane's blind panic, but she hadn't realized until this moment how Jane had really been feeling that day. And this is so much worse, she thought to herself.
The Storrow center had collapsed due to shoddy construction, but it sounded like there had been an explosion or series of explosions in the apartment complex. That could be better or worse for those trapped inside. If there were pockets of space inside where survivors remained, the sound construction meant that those spaces were less likely to collapse than if they were made with substandard materials. On the other hand, if there was one bomb, there could be more – and there could be more that hadn't gone off yet, putting everyone here in danger.
Maura's thoughts continued to wander as she sat on the bench in the August heat for hours. If it was this hot out in the open, she didn't even want to imagine what it felt like for those trapped inside. The trees along the street provided some shade, and although there wasn't much of a breeze, the air was still at least moving somewhat. Inside the building…Maura didn't even want to think about it.
Hours passed as Maura sat there lost in her thoughts. At this point, she was no longer aware of what was going on around her. The only thing that could penetrate her walls would be information about Jane. That's why it wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she even realized someone was sitting next to her.
"Hope," Maura said softly as she turned to see her mother sitting next to her. Hope's hand was rubbing Maura's upper back comfortingly, and Maura felt herself lean into her mother slightly.
"Oh, sweetie," Hope cooed, wrapping both of her arms around Maura and pulling her close. "Dr. Drake told me what's going on."
"I keep going over the numbers in my head. I can't make it stop. The chances of surviving a building collapse are…are…I can't even…and…and most who survive are found within the first few hours because they aren't buried under as much rubble…or…or they're near an exit," Maura choked out.
"I know that false platitudes won't help you right now," Hope said. "But you're thinking about average chances of survival, but Jane's not average, is she?"
Maura shook her head against Hope's shoulder. She was quickly getting too warm this close to someone on such a hot day, but she didn't want to give up her mother's comfort quite yet.
"Chances of Jane surviving might be low, but they're definitely higher than the average person. She's smart, Maura, and she'll use all of her knowledge to survive. And she's strong. Her body can handle a lot more than most; she has incredibly high endurance. But do you know what is going to help her the most?" Hope asked.
"No," Maura whispered quietly, somehow riveted by her mother's words.
"Her love for you, Elena, and Lucia. You know she's going to fight like hell to get back to you."
Maura smiled sadly as she sat back up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I understand what you're trying to tell me, but if she's fully or partially crushed under wreckage, no amount of fight or determination can save her."
Maura sighed. "But it doesn't feel like she's gone," she added quietly. "I know that's not rational. I know that there's absolutely no reason I would be able to feel whether or not she was gone."
"I hope you're right," Hope said softly, still rubbing Maura's shoulder.
Both Hope and Maura looked up as they noticed Nina walking towards them. Maura started to stand, but as soon as Nina saw this, she shook her head to let her know it wasn't about Jane. Maura instantly dropped back to the bench, and Hope squeezed her hand.
When Nina was closer, she said, "We don't know anything about Jane. I'm sorry, Maura. I thought maybe you'd like a general update though. When Maura nodded, Nina continued, "All 73 residents that were home but in the uncollapsed portion of the building have been evacuated. The bodies of sixteen residents and three FBI agents have been found and removed from the scene. We're still working on identifying some of the residents, but the FBI agents have all been identified. None of them were a part of the raid team; they were all placed around the building, primarily on the top floor.
"We haven't found any additional survivors inside the building at this point, but one hundred-and-one residents have also been confirmed safe. In addition to Jane and Granger who are still missing, that leaves 307 residents, 12 FBI agents, and 5 employees unaccounted for," exhaustion permeated Nina's voice as she finished telling Maura and Hope the numbers.
Maura's mind fixated on the fact that no survivors have been saved from inside the building since she had arrived. That meant that only four people had survived the actual collapse, and all had been located within the first hour after the collapse. That didn't bode well for Jane.
"I'm sorry, Maura," Nina repeated. "I wish I had more information for you."
Maura shook her head. "It's not your fault. Everyone is doing everything they can," she said emotionlessly.
"I'm going to get back to work, but I'll try to come update you again when I can," Nina said. "Hi, Hope," she added upon realizing that she hadn't properly greeted the other woman in her rush to provide Maura with the little bit of information she had.
"Hello, Nina," Hope said with a smile, not knowing what else to say in this situation.
Nina returned her smile before turning and walking back to the barricaded area.
"You should go home, sweetie," Hope said to Maura once Nina was out of earshot. "Go see your babies. Get out of this heat. I will make sure you know as soon as we know something about Jane. I'm going to stay as late as they need me to help."
Maura shook her head vehemently. "No, I'm not going anywhere," she said firmly, staring straight ahead instead of at her mother. "I have conceded that I am in no state to help, but I'm not leaving. Not until they find Jane. You should go help though."
"I can sit with you as long as you need me to, Maura," Hope said.
"You should go help," Maura repeated.
"Okay," Hope said. "But if you need me, please come find me. I'll let you know if I hear anything, but I know Frankie, Nina, and Dr. Drake will, too. I came as soon as I could after canceling all nonemergent appointments and procedures at the clinic so that employees could help here or at one of the local hospitals. Cailin is working in the ER at MassGen, but Maura if you need either of us, we will be there for you."
"Thank you, but what I need you to do is do your jobs. The more people that are treating the victims, the more likely Jane will be able to get help quickly if…when…if she's found alive but hurt."
"Okay, baby," Hope said, leaning towards Maura to kiss the side of her head. "But please get me if you need anything."
Maura nodded as Hope stood to go back to work. Hope squeezed her shoulder in a futile attempt to provide comfort before leaving Maura alone on the bench.
A/N: How are you guys liking this story? It was originally intended to be pretty short, but (of course) the muses are having a little fun and have planted a longer story idea. Thoughts?