A/N: Guys can I just say thank you so much for being so kind and supportive. Seriously, my heart is full and warm - thank you! Been getting a few extra free hours off thank god, so not feeling quite as down, just tired. 1 more week till uni starts so got to push through I guess. But thank you again for being so sweet, you guys are honestly the best and so I'm rewarding you all with a quicker update. This chapter gets quite depressing, enjoy?
Next Day - Evening:
Aang's POV:
My leg is bouncing up and down as I remain seated at the desk in the guest room. The door is firmly closed as I await Roku's call. He always calls the day after. 'I mean, it was how I met him wasn't it? His decade long search came to an end. He found me. And how I wish it was sooner. Maybe he could've saved everyone. He's the Avatar. A few guns were nothing to the bending prowess I've seen him accomplish.'
My heart trips over itself. 'I'm the Avatar too. I could've done something.' The bouncing of my knee increases in intensity as his call rings out just on time, as usual. I take a deep breath and strain my ears for sounds in the rest of the house. Hakoda is still at work. Sokka has finally plucked up enough courage to meet up with Suki on her day off and Katara is busy in the kitchen making some special Watertribe dessert. I click answer.
"Hello Aang." His voice leaks through the speakers as he gazes at me with those same kind eyes he's always directed at me.
"Hi Roku." I say with a small smile.
"Ah so you've finally dropped the Avatar formality." He points out jokingly. My lips twitch.
"We met two years ago yesterday, I guess this is my way of telling you how grateful I am for saving me." I answer quietly. I observe as the elderly man tilts his head to one side.
"2 years. Time really does fly." Roku muses with a touch of nostalgia. "Alright, firstly how are you doing?" He continues. I shrug.
"The same as usual." I reply neutrally, eliciting a sigh from the man as he shakes his head.
"You need to let it out, Aang. I know from my own grievances that putting off things only have negative consequences." The firebender advises gently. I clutch the edge of my laptop tightly as I shake my head.
"You saw what happened when I let it out. I destroyed everything. This way is better." I insist firmly as the man stares at me dubiously.
"There are ways to control the Avatar State, if you just let me teach y..."
"NO!" I shout, surprising the man as he watches me steadily. I duck my head shamefully. "I'm sorry, but...I can't. I don't want that responsibility. People are already after me for being this child genius. How many more people will be after me if they find out I'm the Avatar?" I explain.
"You don't tell them." Roku answers simply as if it were the most obvious solution, but I shake my head.
"So you want me to hide another part of myself?" I say, making the man pause.
"That's what being the Avatar is. You don't tell anyone who isn't already aware. It's hard, but you get used to it." The firebender utters, trying to sound reasonable, but for someone who's had to downplay being a genius for years, it feels wrong to have to hide yet another part of myself.
"But why?!" I stress, feeling annoyed.
"For the same reason that you're keeping a low profile about your intelligence. People will come after you. It's an oath every Avatar has followed since the beginning." The firebender clarifies.
"Every Avatar? Surely not all of them." I state with a quirked eyebrow.
"The ones that didn't were assassinated." Roku utters firmly, making me gulp.
"Oh." I mumble, staring at the desk surface. A sigh is emitted from my speakers.
"What about we change topics? Any luck with finding any info on the Triple Z?" The elderly man questions. I shake my head.
"Not exactly." I utter hesitantly, earning the Avatar's attention.
"What do you mean, not exactly?" Roku asks as I rub the back of my neck.
"I know someone who has a lot of connections. He called me yesterday saying their search for me has tightened. I've tried calling him since, but it just goes to voicemail." I explain in frustration, prompting the man to rest his chin on his interlocked hands.
"Who is this person?" The firebender queries seriously. I shrug.
"Just some other student on campus. His dad has a company, so he knows a lot of people." I explain.
"Interesting. What type of company is it?" The older Avatar asks.
"An accounting company." I reply with a wave of my hand. A glint of something shines through his amber eyes as he jots something down.
"Right, I'll look into it. Maybe I can get some more intel from them. Oh! I forgot to ask if you wanted to come down for the holidays?" Roku asks as he gazes at me in shame.
"It's alright, I'm staying over someone else's place." I try to reassure, but it only encourages curiosity from the man.
"Who?" Is the only word that comes out of his mouth. I shift uncomfortably.
"You know the kids of..." I trail off, not having the heart to finish that statement. Roku purses his lips.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? You said it yourself, getting close to them may put them in harm's way and yourself for that matter." The firebender reminds gently, but I'm clenching my hand regardless.
"I know, but..." I'm cut off before I can finish.
"I always encourage you to open up Aang, but this family has already been targeted by the Triple Z,. If you're with them when they strike again it would be disastrous. Or what if this family finds out who you really are? You'll just hurt yourself more." Roku urges, but I shake my head vigorously.
"They're not going to find out about they're mum or me..." I state just as my door is pushed open suddenly. I'm greeted to Sokka's white pinched face a second later. My eyes flicker to my laptop where Roku's face still fills the screen. I hurriedly slam the lid closed just as Sokka's eyes follow my movements. A beat of silence passes between us. 'Monkey feathers! How much did he hear?!' I wonder anxiously as the man continues to stare at me.
"What did you say?" He finally questions.
"I..." I falter, 'what do I say?!'
"I said what did you say!" Sokka shouts, making me jump.
"W-what do you mean?" I stutter, deciding to play dumb. A few seconds later I hear running footsteps up the stairs and a moment later Katara appears by her brother.
"What's going on here?" She asks as she glances between her brother and I in concern.
"Ask that little liar over there." The ponytailed man growls out with slit eyes. I flinch at the harsh words. Katara's questioning oceanic orbs flicker to me. Slowly, I rise to my feet, trying to gather my thoughts.
"I haven't lied." Is all I say. Or all I know how to say. But it prompts the older boy to step forward and shove me backwards in anger. Katara widens her eyes and she reaches forward to grab her brother's arm.
"Sokka! What are you doing?!" She snaps, only for Sokka to shake her hands off him.
"You wouldn't be defending him if you heard what I did!" The man accuses vehemently.
"Well, what did he say?" Katara asks as she crosses her arms expectantly.
"He knows something about our Mum that he hasn't told us." He hisses, making the girl pale as she turns to face me in disbelief.
"Is that true?" She whispers quietly. My lips part, but no words come out.
"Is that true?!" Sokka repeats back, albeit more loudly. I wince at the sound as a series of shouts from the orphanage flood my senses. I gulp and drop my head.
"It's true." I mumble. A clap of silence.
"Why wouldn't you tell us? We've been looking for her killer for weeks and you had information, but didn't tell us?!" Katara demands as hurt shines from her eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek hard.
"I don't know much." I defend feebly.
"You're lying! I heard you talking with that old man. You said the name of who's orchestrating this and how we wouldn't find out about you. Who in spirits name are you?! If you tell me you're involved so help me..." I cut off the ranting man before his speculations become even more wild.
"NO! I'm not involved." I deny strongly, but the engineering student continues to glare at me.
"I don't believe you. Get out." Sokka growls out, making my heart plummet. I turn my pleading eyes to Katara, begging her to understand, but she simply turns her head to the other side as she closes her eyes, as if unable to bare the sight of me.
"Katara please. I would never hurt you like this." I plead, taking a step towards her, but Sokka moves in front of his sister with a scowl on his face.
"I can't believe you knew something this whole time. How could you?!" The ponytailed man hollers. I hunch my shoulders in shame.
"It's not what you think." I voice quietly, but the Watertribe man snorts.
"And I bet the whole being an orphan was just an act too." Sokka mutters, making my anger boil.
"Hey!" I start, but I'm quickly silenced by the waterbender.
"Just leave." Katara utters lowly. My eyes widen.
"But...!" Again I'm not given a chance to explain myself.
"I said LEAVE!" The girl orders loudly. I feel my face crumpling as I turn my back on them. Hurt runs through my veins as I grab my laptop and clothes to shove it in my bag. I look behind me briefly to find Sokka glaring at me while Katara can't even bare to watch me. I swallow and hop onto the window ledge. As I put one leg through the open window, I gaze up.
"You've got it all wrong." I mutter and jump out. A series of grumblings and arguments follow me out as I land lightly on the ground outside of their house. I start walking away from them as pain courses through me. 'They didn't even let me explain.'
Tears blind my eyes as I keep walking to the bus stop. 'How could they think I was anyway involved in their mother's death?' My feet falter when I realise I can never get close to anyone without being hurt. 'I don't know why I thought otherwise.' I bury my face into my sleeve at ruining things again. 'That's all I ever seem to do.' I think bitterly as I perch at the bus stop seat.
As I wait in the moonlight, my thoughts take a turn down an old dark road. Chewing my lip, I take out the small pocket knife I keep in my satchel. I stare at it for a long hard minute.
'All life is sacred.'
That's what the monks always used to say. 'Well, that didn't stop that gang did it?' I voice in silent sourness. I roll up my long sleeves to gaze at the streaks of white lines on the inside of my forearm. I press the blunt side of the knife, getting ready to make another cut. 'Dumb Kuzon, dumb Triple Z, dumb Zuko and his elusive warning, dumb everything...'
"Wait." I whisper to myself, as I pull back the knife. "Triple Z...Zuko." I mutter to myself as I grab a paper and pen from my bag, dropping the knife back in its pouch. "His dad is Ozai." I continue mumbling to myself as I jot down the two names in a list. "And his sister is Azula." I write her name underneath the other two.
After a moment, I circle the letter 'Z' in each of their names. Three Zs in total. The Triple Z. I jerk up to a standing position as I stare at the names. Nausea washes over me. 'I'm such an idiot! How did I not see this before?! Zuko knows and he's one of them.' I realise sickeningly. 'But why did he introduce me with another name if he was after me? And he's too young to be involved with my parent's death or the destruction of the orphanage. Maybe I'm wrong?' I wonder, as I keep staring at the names, hoping for a sign that I'll never get. 'But his warning suggests he knows something.' I bite my lip and flip open my phone, dialling his number, but once again it goes to voicemail.
"Aurgh! Why won't you pick up!" I yell as I bash my head against the bus shelter. 'I know where he lives, but if he or more likely his dad has something to do with this, then I can't confront him directly...I need to wait till I see him on campus.' I push my thumb and forefinger into my closed eye sockets in frustration when I realise I have to wait another three weeks before I can confirm my theory.
At a set of nearing lights, I stiffly wave the bus down and go to sit at the back of the almost empty bus. The vehicle jogs me up and down, but I'm too numb to hold onto the railing. 'Everything is a lie. People aren't what they seem. There's no such thing as friends or family. Katara offered to be my family, but it was a lie. If it wasn't they wouldn't have kicked me out so easily, like I was nothing. And Roku only took me in because I'm the next Avatar. No one cares. I'm just...all alone. A worthless piece of nothing that doesn't matter.'
The bus stops so suddenly that I lose my balance and tumble to the ground. But I don't get up from the dirty floor as the urge to crawl into a fetal position becomes increasingly enticing.
"You alright kid?" A man across me calls out. I sigh and plaster a smile on my face as I nod before pushing myself off of the ground and slide back into my seat. He takes one look at me and shakes his head. "One of those days, eh? Don't worry, it gets better." He reassures.
"Thanks." I say with another nod, despite having heard the same saying repeated hundreds of times over the years.
The thing is? It's another lie. Nothing ever gets better. Only worse. It's just a thing we tell ourselves in the hopes that things will change. But you can only tell yourself that so many times before you stop believing.
A/N: Yep. I just did that after the heaviness of the last chapter - you're welcome XD but seriously I never intended to make it this dark or involve self harm in any way, esp since I have no personal experience, but it just makes sense. What person endures this level of trauma, doesnt have a large, healthy social support circle and is still completely happy? Wanted to play on the dark realistic side, I hope that doesnt depress anyone. It won't be a major focus of the story, but it's present. Lots of people mentioned Kataang in the last chapter, sorry to have just dashed that for you guys XD more moments of them coming later, but for now enjoy the angst XD
Made so many parallels in this chapter such as to the serpent's pass where Aang preferred to close down his emotions rather than feel them because the pain hurts too much and because of the destruction he'd cause with the Avatar State if he let his feelings out. Another parallel with s1 ep2 where Aang confessed he didnt want to be the Avatar, I thought it would be interesting to keep that same line of thought for Aang here too, esp when he knows being different is more often bad than good. And ofc a parallel to the Bato ep where Sokka and Katara are hurt by Aang hiding things. Hope you enjoyed it.
Next few chapters are on the short side unfortunately, but I hope you still like them. Gonna try to keep to weekly updating, I start uni in a week (thank god) so we'll see, but I intend to at least post one more time before uni starts.
5/9/21