A/N: I actually wasn't intending to post today, but I miraculously finished my lecture notes earlier than anticipated and while I should be working on some cases for uni, I just thought to take this rare opportunity and post in case I don't get another chance any time soon. It's a long one so that hopefully makes up for the 2 week break and quite a lot happens, so hope you like it! Heads up, this is pretty dark and intense so erm sorry in advance?
Huh just realised that this month makes it 7yrs since I started writing on this site. That's pretty crazy! I never thought I'd be doing it for this long, but I'm so glad I am and it's all because of all you wonderful people! So thank you! Anyway, onto the chapter!
Two days later:
Aang's POV:
"You look happier." Zuko notes blandly when I finally catch up to the man after spotting him and calling his name. I shrug.
"Can't be miserable forever, right?" I wave off casually. The firebender quirks an eyebrow at me.
"You patched things up with the water tribe girl." He states bluntly. I throw him a sheepish look.
"Am I that see-through?" I ask in embarrassment as I rub my neck.
"Sometimes." Is all he says.
"We didn't really patch things up, but she's not ignoring or glaring at me now. We just...don't talk as much." I elaborate as my voice dips slightly in sadness. Zuko flickers his eyes to his side at me before returning them ahead as we continue to walk.
"You really like her." The firebender expresses with a hint of amusement. Heat crawls up my neck at his implication.
"She's..." I falter. Still refusing to say we're friends. 'Heck, I'm not sure if she really forgives me for lying. Sokka certainly hasn't.' I chew my lip. "She's nice to me." I settle on saying, but it earns me a weird glance from the older boy.
"So, most people aren't?" He retorts. My lips part before I drop my head. I feel his eyes on me as he inhales sharply. "Spirits I was joking, unless it's true?" Zuko mutters with furrowed eyebrows. Finally, I shrug.
"Being a child genius isn't easy. Being orphaned at a young age is just as hard." I mumble with a shake of my head. His amber eyes penetrate through me.
"I would've thought that being a child genius was harder." The firebender comments with a tinge of curiosity. I kick at the ground as we walk.
"You'd think so, right? It's what got me into this mess in the first place, but..." I pause, taking in a deep breath before I continue. "That day I lost my parents, I later told the firemen and police that someone had set the house on fire, but they didn't believe me. They thought I was traumatised or making things up because I was a child. If they had just listened..." I trail off as a flash of bitterness runs through me.
"The orphanage wouldn't have been burnt down." Zuko finishes for me. I swallow and nod my head. "And here I thought my life was messed up." The firebender mutters with a head shake.
When I look up at him in surprise, he hesitates, before pointing to the scar on his face.
"My dad gave me this for talking out of turn." He utters, his voice so quiet. My heart drops to my stomach at the revelation, especially after I've heard the rumours that have been circulating around about Zuko's scar.
"That's..." I falter, words escaping me.
"Unfair? Horrible? Child abuse? Trust me, I've heard it all. People never believed me when I first told them." He releases a harsh bark of laughter. "How can a respectable businessman do that to his own son, right? I guess we're a bit alike in that regard; outcasts that no one believes. I stopped telling anyone when people decided they had better stories to say about it." The sourness in his voice is so obvious to the blind and it makes me clench my hands into fists.
"I never believed the rumours." I utter softly. Zuko freezes slightly, before continuing his long strides.
"You'd be the first." He mumbles back just as quietly. My features contort into sympathy.
"But how could he do that to you? He's your dad." I query, my tone edging towards appalled, but it causes the scarred man to stiffen.
"It's because he's my dad he can do what he likes." He retorts acidly, but I just stare at him with wide eyes.
"You obviously don't know what a model father looks like." I throw back blandly.
"Well, how would you know? Yours died when you were a kid." Zuko fires back defensively. I flinch and press my lips tightly together. When the firebender hears no response, he glances at my screwed-up face, before dragging a hand down his face. "Right, that's one of those insensitive things that shouldn't be said, I'm guessing." He mumbles. I sigh.
"Mine might've died when I was 8, but I still remember him. And I had other good paternal figures like Gy..." I cut myself off. Mentioning the kind old man still hurts. Zuko quirks an eyebrow at my abrupt pause.
"Who's Gy?" He questions. I shoot him a glower.
"It's not Gy; it's Gyatso." I correct with a pang.
"Well, who is he?" The firebender continues, as if he wasn't just interrupted. I hunch my shoulders up.
"Was." I mumble, making the man blink.
"What?" He echoes back. I stare at the ground so hard that I almost see doubles of the pavement.
"Who was he. He's not around anymore." I utter so quietly that Zuko has to strain his ears to hear me. The firebender's lips part.
"Oh." He breathes out as realisation dawns on him. "He looked after you at the orphanage?" He states, piecing it together easily.
"He was more than that. He became my second f-father..." I stop when a lump appears in my throat. Images of those lifeless eyes. Blood. The sound of a thud as bodies dropped to the ground.
An elbow to the ribs has me blinking, pulling me out of the horrific past.
"You miss him." Zuko notes with furrowed eyebrows.
"Of course." I say simply.
"But how come you looked so tortured over it? More so than your own parents' death." The firebender asks in confusion. 'Because I didn't see my parents die in front of me. Because what happened that day could've been avoided if someone listened to me. Or if I didn't live at the orphanage. Or if I didn't exist full stop. Because being ripped away from your family once hurts. Being ripped away a second time burns with a searing pain that scars you. Because more lives were lost that day because of me. Because the memory is fresher.' I reply silently, but I keep my mouth clamped. I feel Zuko's eyes boring into me.
"And here I thought I knew everything." He finally says to make up for my lack of response.
"No one ever knows everything." I whisper, knowing that the details of the gunshots were only ever shared with Roku. The council and police didn't know because by the time they dug up any human remains; they were all far too cremated from the blazing fire. Only I knew what happened that day. And later Roku when I muttered the vague details of what actually happened before the fire. Hesitation flashes across the student's face as he glances from side to side.
"If I told you something, would you swear you wouldn't tell anyone?" Zuko suddenly asks. I blink twice at the random turn in conversation.
"Er sure?" I answer in a fumble, but the man's eyes narrow.
"You have to swear on your parents' and Gyatso's name you wouldn't." The firebender demands. My eyes boggle at the seriousness in his tone, so I nod my head slowly.
"I promise I won't tell anyone. And I always keep my promises." I vow firmly. I watch as he takes a deep breath before opening his mouth.
"You were right." Is all he says. I furrow my eyebrows, feeling lost.
"About?" I prompt. I see the man struggle to force out his next words.
"Triple Z. What it stands for. Or mostly anyway. The other letters don't stand for Azula or I, but my family line." Tye firebender utters. I take a step away from the older boy as ice runs down my back.
"So, you are involved?!" I echo back, feeling aghast, but to my relief the man is shaking his head.
"No. My Dad is. Him and his company." Zuko clarifies. My jaws slacken. 'I knew I wasn't being ridiculous!' But those aren't the words that comes out of my mouth.
"Why are you telling me now? You got so defensive when I asked before." I point out, only for the man to fidget slightly.
"Because he's my Dad. Don't you think I know what would happen if I told you? I'm only telling you now because... because I don't know!" Zuko grits out, as if annoyed with himself. A flash of anger runs through me.
"Zuko, I've been looking for who's responsible for my parents' murder for years! And you just lied about it." I blame, only for the man to glower at me.
"What, like how you lied to that water tribe girl and her brother?" The firebender hisses, silencing me as shame envelops my being.
"I..." I falter. Zuko's glare eases slightly as he sighs.
"I did it to protect my Dad and the company, because if he goes to prison the other share-holders take over as I'm not of age yet and they're just as bad as he is. I can't let it fall into their hands. And you...you lied for whatever reason, but I'm sure there was a reasonable explanation for it. Sometimes shady actions are for good reasons." The firebender stresses. I raise a hand and rest it on the crown of my head.
"You do realise this gang that your father is involved in is responsible for killing their mother? If either of them find out, especially their father, they'd hate you more than they already do." I remind. The scarred teen purses his lips.
"Why especially their dad? What's so important about him?" He queries, missing my point entirely. I groan internally, but answer anyway.
"Their dad is a council member in the city I grew up in. Hakoda will crack down hard on your father if he knew." I explain, but as soon as I mention the name of Katara's and Sokka's dad, Zuko's eyes widen.
"Their dad is Hakoda?! Shoot. Spirits. For the love of agni kai, of course it is." The firebender curses as he pinches the bridge of his nose. I stare at him in bewilderment.
"Ok you lost me." I express with furrowed eyebrows, prompting the older boy to drop his hand to stare at me.
"My Dad is after Hakoda because he knows where you are. It's why they killed his wife in the first place. To get him to talk. But he hasn't. And Hakoda is now on my father's hit list." As Zuko elaborates the twisting sensation in my gut returns with full force.
Guilt at knowing Katara's and Sokka's mum really did die because of me. 'It wasn't just my hasty guess to get Sokka to back off. It's true. Spirits if Katara finds out...she'd never look at me again. All it takes is for Sokka to tell her and then it's over. The only person around my age who has ever paid me much attention will disappear.' But I try to push that thought out and focus on the latter part of Zuko's words. My jaw slackens.
"Hit list?" I whisper. The man shifts on his feet.
"Well, they won't kill him obviously because he's the only one that knows your location, or so father knows. More like blackmail." The firebender elaborates with a nod of his head. My jaws clench. 'I knew I wasn't being over-protective! I just knew it! Spirits, that means Sokka and Katara are in danger!'
"We have to tell someone!" I rush out as I run through my head who to tell first, but I don't get far when a hand clasps my bicep tightly.
"You promised you wouldn't!" Zuko hisses. My lips part when I realise that I did promise that. 'Monkey feathers.'
"So, you don't care that Katara or Sokka could get hurt?!" I ask incredulously. The firebender crosses his arms over his chest.
"I don't know them." He states a matter-of-factly, making me bite my tongue to cut off a retort.
"You don't have to know them to care about a couple of students being in danger because of your father." I voice firmly, surprising the scarred boy. "I'll leave you to think about it. I won't break my promise, but I'm not going to let them be in danger because of me. If...if you still refuse to let me tell someone then...then I'll give myself up." I mutter with determination, prompting the man to stare at me.
"Are you insane?! They want you to build weapons of war so that they can take over the surrounding region. Do you not know what kind of chaos will ensue if you do what they want?! You can't give yourself up!" Zuko forbids as he grasps my shoulders tightly. My eyes bulge at this new information, before I slap his hands off me and take a step back.
"Then what do you want me to do?! I can't stand back and let people die because of me! Not a-again!" I holler, my voice cracking towards the end. I watch as the older boy presses the base of his palms into his eye sockets.
"Why are you so darn righteous?! Just stay hidden for the love of agni kai! You don't have to be Mr perfect in everything!" Zuko shouts, making my stomach twist as my emotions bubble.
"I ran, ok?! I stupid ran when those gunmen stormed in. I watched Gyatso and the others die in front of me and I just...didn't save all those kids. I left them all to die. I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm a coward and I can't let this happen again." I cry out as waves of shame and guilt slam into me. Telling a secret that only one other person knew.
"Gunmen?" Zuko echoes, breaking me out of my self-loathing. "I thought the orphanage was just burnt down?" I look away at the question, eliciting a sharp inhale from the older boy.
"Spirits." Is all he says before shaking his head. "You're tougher than I gave you credit for." He notes with the barest hint of awe.
"I'm not. I'm a coward." I mutter while clenching my hands.
"You were a kid." Zuko retorts.
"I was a master airbender." I fire back. The firebender shakes his head, giving up.
"Whatever. You continue to blame yourself." He says with a shrug, as if I actually had a choice in how I feel or as if I weren't to blame.
"You wouldn't understand." I utter, making him frown. Suddenly, I want to end this conversation and be anywhere that's not here. "Think about what I said and let me know soon. I'll be thinking about what I can do on my end." I express. The man gazes at me before jerking his head.
"Fine, but don't..." I interrupt him before he can finish.
"Don't tell anyone. I know." I say with a wave of my hand. "I'm hoping after you've thought about it, you'll be the one doing the telling." I add with a pointed look, prompting a snort from the man.
"Right. I'll catch you around." Zuko mutters and spins on his heels before I can say something else. When he's gone, I bite my lip as everything crashes down on my shoulders to the point that I have to hunch them forward in an attempt to hold them up.
Somehow, I make it back to my room without bumping into anyone. After closing the door behind me, I take a seat on my bed, but the churning in my stomach continues.
After a moment I slide open the drawer of the bedside table to spot that small knife glinting back at me. I stare at it long and hard before picking it up. With my spare hand I roll up my sleeves to reveal multiple white lines. Some are red and raw to indicate how recent they are. But I don't see lines or cuts. I see my mistakes.
My parents died because of me.
The orphanage was burnt down because of me.
All those kids are dead because of me.
And I'm the reason Gyatso was killed.
Now?
'Sokka's and Katara's mum was murdered because of me. What was the name on her gravestone again?'
I squeeze my mind until the image flashes in my head.
Kya.
'A beautiful name. Apparently, a beautiful person too. I took her away from them.' I press the knife into the soft underbelly of my forearm. Blood instantly spurts out and as always the sight leaves me feeling nauseous.
Shakily, I get to my feet and reach the toilet just in time to hurl up my lunch. The bright red liquid continues to drip down my arm as I lean forward to press my sweaty forehead against the cool toilet seat. 'My parents made a mistake having me. They should've abandoned me in an orphanage like most Air Nomads do. Maybe I wouldn't have been a genius. Maybe they'd still be alive. Maybe they'd all still be alive.'
My arm throbs, but I barely register it, just wishing that the ground would swallow me up already. 'Now I don't even know what I should do. Break my promise to Zuko, give myself in or continue hiding like a coward. None of which are plausible solutions.' I screw my eyes closed and bring my hands to rest on either side of my head.
"I don't know what to do." I whisper, my voice raspy. "Just like always. I never know what to do." I rebuke myself. A sudden knock at my door has me jerking upright.
"Aang?" The soft feminine voice leaks through the cracks in my door. I bite the inside of my check hard as I scramble for a set of bandages. "Come on, I know you're in there. I heard you go in." Katara continues and frankly I'm surprised. 'Sure, she isn't ignoring me anymore, but she hasn't purposely sought me out.'
I quickly wind the white fabric around my forearm before shoving my sleeve back down. 'Should I open the door or...?' I contemplate as I drop the still bloodied knife into the drawer and slam it closed. My eyes flicker around the room before I go to close the bathroom door, hiding the blood that dripped onto the floor.
"Is it your turn to ignore me now? Did I do something wrong?" The worried tone in the girl's voice has me yanking open the door without another thought.
"No! I just...my room was a mess." I blurt out, which isn't technically a lie. It is a mess...with my blood. My stomach does another nauseating flip before I shove it to one side.
"You, messy? I find that hard to believe." The waterbender teases as she peers over my shoulder anyway. I smile at her.
"So...erm, you haven't knocked since..." I trail off, but when her face twists in comprehension, I realise I don't need to elaborate. Katara goes to hold her elbow as she leans her hip against the door frame.
"I know." She breathes out with a slight frown, before shaking her head. "I wanted to talk." She continues, making my heart plummet. 'Did Sokka tell her?' I wonder fearfully. When I don't respond, she tilts her head towards my room. "Can I come in?" At her question, the twisting in my gut intensifies.
"S-Sure." I stutter as I move back to give her space to enter. Her blue orbs flicker around the small room, as if looking for something, or maybe I'm just being paranoid that she'll find evidence of...I grimace at the very possibility. "So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask quickly to distract my thoughts.
"I talked to Sokka." Katara states, still standing. My heart stops briefly before continuing its steady lull.
"Oh." Is all I say as I watch her carefully, until she shakes her head.
"He wouldn't tell me anything." The waterbender mumbles in disappointment and I have to hold back a sigh of relief.
"Ah." I voice uselessly, prompting the girl to scrutinise me.
"I went to the graveyard the other day." Katara says randomly. I furrow my eyebrows at her, silently telling her to continue. "I looked at the large memorial there. The one dedicated to an orphanage that was burnt down a couple of years ago." The girl continues, watching for my reaction. I try hard to still my features, but I can't help widening my eyes. "Your name was on there." The waterbender adds, making all the blood drain from my face. 'I told Roku it was a dumb idea to put my name on it. He said it would arouse less suspicion while I argued the opposite.'
I open my mouth, ready to tell her it could be another Aang, until she beats me to the punch.
"And I know it can't be another person because it has your exact date of birth." Katara adds pointedly. 'Shoot.' I gulp and rub the back of my neck.
"When you want to find something, you really look for it." I finally say, trying to swerve the conversation elsewhere, but the girl is too sharp to fall for that.
"I'm stubborn." She says simply before continuing. "All the articles I've read said there weren't any survivors, but that can't be true because you're standing right here." The waterbender points out as her eyes gleam with curiosity. I kick at the ground.
"Well, as you said - they got that wrong." I mutter, staring at the ground. A sharp intake of breath has me looking up to find the girl slapping her forehead.
"Spirits, I'm such a fool. I was so busy trying to work out what's going on that I didn't really think about you losing another..." She trails off when I flinch and takes a step towards me. "Aang." She murmurs softly as she stretches out an arm towards me, but I step out of her reach and hunch my shoulders up.
"It's fine." I lie, making the girl furrow her eyebrows.
"I know it's not. None of this is fine." Katara argues. I bite the inside of my cheek hard.
"It was just an orphanage. A place I lived at. That's all." I lie again, but this lie leaves me feeling faint when my stomach churns so hard that I feel like puking again. A frown graces the waterbender's delicate features as she stares at me.
"I don't think that's true." She utters quietly. My features twist at her observation. "I think...you blame yourself for being the only one who survived." She continues.
Any remaining colour left on my face simply vanishes at her assumption. Her eyebrows knit even more tightly together as she attempts to take another step towards me, but again I back away. Katara chews her lip as she gazes at me carefully.
"You shouldn't blame yourself. That wasn't your fault." The waterbender urges, but my heart throbs painfully at how wrong she is. "Talk to me. I want to help." Katara prompts as she lifts one foot slightly, but when she sees me withdrawing, she retracts it.
"It was my fault." I whisper. The girl furrows her eyebrows at me.
"You didn't start the fire." The waterbender protests.
Again, another dumb lie that Roku and the council told the media. 'I wanted the world to know what really happened. That the fire wasn't an accident. But they didn't want to listen to me. Again. That's all it was with them. I was just a bothersome child that didn't have valid opinions or thoughts.' A surge of rage courses through me and I have to stamp it down when I feel my tattoos flickering.
"I might as well have." I mutter before Katara can ask what that flash of light was. The girl purses her lips.
"Does this have to do with why your homes always end up being burnt down?" She asks with a tilted head. I swallow.
"I'm bad luck." I mumble with stinging eyes, making the girl widen hers as she steps forward so quickly to grasp my wrists before I have a chance to step back.
"Don't say that!" Katara orders so forcefully that I blink.
"It's true, why else do I cause destruction wherever I go?" I retort bitterly. The waterbender's hands tighten around my joints.
"What's got into you?" The girl demands, but I can see the flash of worry in her blue eyes. I take in a deep breath and force a smile to my lips.
"Nothing. Sorry, I'm just tired." I say, wishing I could take back my previous words. Katara's hands move up my arms and I wince when her fingers graze my most recent cut. Her eyebrows furrow at my reaction.
"Why did you flinch?" She asks, her eyes scanning me.
"I didn't." I lie.
Blue orbs drop to my covered arms where her chocolate skinned hands remain. Her thumb brushes over the area again and I have to grit my teeth to stop flinching again. Katara's eyes narrow and before I know it, she starts rolling up my sleeve. I panic and shove her backwards, watching as she stumbles a little before catching herself while I shove my sleeve back down.
"Aang, what in spirit's name?!" The waterbender's voice rises an octave, making me withdraw into myself.
"Monkey feathers! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..." I babble until she reaches forward to grip my shoulders.
"Take a deep breath." She instructs, cutting through my stuttering. It's funny that she's telling me, an airbender, to breathe, but I follow through anyway. Moments later, her hands cup my cheeks as she watches me carefully. "You're unravelling and I can't help if you don't open up." Katara expresses as real worry leaks into her voice and that's the last thing I want.
"Really, I'm fine. Just pushing myself with uni work." I try to reassure. The girl releases her hold on me as she massages her forehead.
"I know you better than that. Let's start with one thing at a time. Your name was on a gravestone when it shouldn't be, meaning you're trying to fool other people into thinking you're dead and the reason you'd do that is..." Her voice trails off as her eyes widen in sudden realisation. "...because someone's after you." Katara utters to herself before slapping her forehead. "How did I not realise that before?! You're constantly withdrawing, you never tell me much about yourself and your house was purposely burnt down." The waterbender lists off like she's figured it out, which I suppose she has. 'At this rate, who won't know my life story?'
I swallow when Katara turns her beady gaze to me, waiting for me to confirm or deny it. 'This is where it gets tricky because confirming it would slowly turn the conversation towards the same murky waters that I went in with Sokka. Meaning Katara will hate me. Denying it would lead to arguments later down the line. Which will happen when Sokka stops being angry enough to actually tell his sister. Which he will. They're obviously close.' I gulp. 'Another decision. So much to lose either way.' My gut churns as I take in a shaky breath.
"That's true." My voice is so quiet that Katara has to strain her ears to hear me. Her eyes widen, as if expecting her far-fetched theory to be just that; a theory.
"Oh spirits." She curses as she runs a hand through her hair, freeing a few strands from her hair loop. "Do they know where you are?" The waterbender queries anxiously, but I shake my head.
"No." I say, stopping myself from saying 'yet.' I watch as she purses her lips.
"It's that same gang, isn't it? But why are they looking for you?" The healer queries with piercing eyes. I drop my eyes to the ground. 'This is it. This is where she hates me.' Anxiety swirls within me.
"Because I'm a genius." I answer slowly, trying to drag it out for as long as possible, which isn't long at all when I hear her inhale sharply.
"I don't get it, why would they target my Mum if they're after certain talents?" I flinch at her question, knowing there's no avoiding it now. I close my eyes when I say my next words, not strong enough to see the loathing I know will be on her face.
"I think...because your dad knew about me and they...they wanted to know where my location was, so...blackmail." I explain, faltering over my words as I shrug my shoulders helplessly. A piercing silence penetrates the room and somehow it's louder than all the storms in the world.
"I...I think I need some time alone." Katara finally says. I open my eyes and immediately wish I hadn't. The aghast expression is enough to make me feel nauseous again. I stretch out an arm towards her, but she's already backing away as pain contorts her features.
"Katara..." I start, but she already has her hand on the door handle.
"I just...I need some air." The waterbender chokes out as tears flood her oceanic eyes. My heart clenches at the sight and I watch as she throws open the door in one swift motion.
The door swings back to a close, but I still stare at where the girl once stood. Moisture collects in my eyes until my vision blurs and I collapse onto the ground. 'Lost another one.' I choke back a cry as I bury my head into my hands, ignoring the warm liquid that has started to leak through my poorly placed bandage.
A/N: I'm a horrible person I know XD That was definitely one of the heaviest chapters in the story, but that's what we're here for, right? XD So Katara and Sokka are now on the same page on terms of knowledge – the only thing they don't know was that the orphanage wasn't simply burnt down.
I really hope that you guys don't think it's too shocking that Zuko actually told Aang about his father, I felt I built up enough of a tentative bond between the two and Zuko has constantly been shown in the show to have morals, even if they get a bit twisted sometimes – he still doesn't want Aang to spill so that shows he's still got a bit more development to go through.
You guys probably think I'm going to elongate this drama and honestly I thought I would too, but I kinda cut it short bc I want to develop other things in the story. You'll know what I mean soon enough ;)
Next chapter is on the shorter side and it's back to Katara's POV. I think updates will continue to be irregular and random unfortunately – partly due to time and partly bc I only have 3-4 pre-written chapters up and I don't want to post them all too soon otherwise you guys will be left for weeks/months without a new chapter, so trying to balance it until I've got more chapters written up and more time. Anyway, let me know your thoughts and keep well everyone!
18/10/21