"You tried to kill me," Inuyasha says matter-of-factly, to which Sesshomaru does nothing but raise an eyebrow, unimpressed. Still, his hanyou brother learned to read him already. "Last time we met, in the serpent-demon's liar, you tried to kill us.'' he clarifies, "And now you call me here? You expect us to pretend nothing has happened and we're just... what?"
"I fail to see what the problem is. I tried to kill you multiple times in the past. It hardly stopped you from agreeing to partake in this activity."
Inuyasha sighs with chagrin. Clearly Sesshomaru understands that this is different. He must understand that their little tryst implied that they would take a break from harming each other. It wasn't like they cared about one another, not at all – Inuyasha despised his asshole of a brother just as much, and he was sure the feelings were mutual, but he imagined that they would at least tolerate each other more than the few hours they were required in order to make this happen.
"You tried to kill me before we had this… whatever this is." He made sure to emphasize the word enough that Sesshomaru wouldn't be able to ignore it.
"I didn't specifically mean to kill you this time. You were just in my way."
"Shit, why didn't you say so from the beginning? I feel so much better knowing that my death would've been only an accident."
"I sense sarcasm in your voice."
Inuyasha's shoulders drop, signaling just how defeated he feels — he doesn't mean to show his emotions so plainly, but since these sporadic meetings have started, he's become more comfortable with letting his guard down around his brother. Perhaps his increasing ability to read Sesshomaru is also to blame. He knows the yokai gets it, but for all he knows he doesn't care. Inuyasha is just a means to an end to him and it is foolish to think that his behavior and feelings would change just because they were now having sex.
"I gather you would like to leave?" The demon asks with what Inuyasha imagines is a subtle caution that seems so very unlike him.
He could. It would be easy to leave, Inuyasha thinks, and then never return. Not meeting Sesshomaru outside the battlefield is a thought that briefly crosses his mind. It does also seem to be the easiest thing to do, yet he can't seem to simply turn around and leave. Perhaps he wants this just as much.
"I'm staying, but I'm not going to make this pretty for you."
Sesshomaru's blank stare becomes even more devoid of emotion, if such a thing is even possible. "I don't understand. If you mean to take me, you must already know that I'm always on the receiving end of our agreement."
Inuyasha sighs once again. Trying to explain these things to the always proper and meticulous future demon lord was futile, he found out a while ago, so he decides to speak the only language both know fluently. He grabs Sesshomaru's locks, a bit more forcefully than he intended, and pulls the man into a violent kiss.
As always, the yokai is more than receptive to Inuyasha's whims, letting himself be manhandled in any way his brother sees fit, even encouraging the roughness.
This is perhaps the reason Inuyasha agreed to having sex with his own brother in the first place. He likes seeing Sesshomaru like this, submissive and apparently defenseless. This is hardly the case, he's aware; if things were to ever go south he would be more than able to defend himself and even kill Inuyasha in the process, but while he is by no means up the creek, the hanyou relishes the thought that his brother is not in control either.
He pushes Sesshomaru to the ground, allowing him little time to accommodate to the damp and cold stone floor of the cave. Just as he promised, Sesshomaru's comfort is a long since discarded thought. Instead, Inuyasha chases his own pleasure and gratification, once again kissing and biting at the yokai's lips, and it feels better than it should. Seeing his brother beneath him, motionless and malleable makes him feel powerful in a twisted and perverse way.
Inuyasha is usually gentle, as gentle as he could possibly be with Sesshomaru , but everything that happened between them lately makes him lose his temper, and the fact that he is finally in this position of power makes his behavior even more erratic and unpredictable. Most of his expected courtesy is now gone; he has no problem drawing blood from Sesshomaru's lower lip and licking it off, forcing his tongue deep into his mouth and holding him tightly by the back of his neck while doing whatever he pleases.
And Sesshomaru, surprisingly, takes it. And then he does more than that. The moment his brother breaks the violent kiss to catch his breath, he places his hand on Inuyasha's back and sinks his claws into his skin, pulling them back into another feverish kiss.
It's intoxicating, Inuyasha thinks, just how much Sesshomaru craves this. He lives for nothing but power, yet he needs the excitement of powerlessness. Above everyone else, he's chosen Inuyasha to give him this.
These things are not to dwell upon, but Inuyasha can't help it. He tries to make sense of it all, wants to make sense of why, out of all people, Sesshomaru trusts him with his body and his pleasure. The most logical conclusion he's managed to reach is that Sesshomaru doesn't really have anyone else that could service him like this, so he has to resort to the only person who dislikes him enough to hurt him, yet not enough to truly harm him. Or perhaps Inuyasha's presence is nothing but part of Sesshomaru's game. He specifically chose his hanyou half brother for this because he's just as twisted and perverse — he enjoys being defiled by someone lower than him. Inuyasha can't really know which one of them is true, and of course, there are other scenarios passing through his head, but he doesn't think about them often, for they call on motivations that spawn not from hatred and disdain, but other dangerous emotions.
He doesn't allow himself to hope, even though he often catches himself doing it. Whenever he looks at his brother's expression, at his tightly shut eyes and bitten lips, whenever he hears ragged and heavy breaths and feels claws against his skin, he can't help but hope that somewhere, behind all of this, lies Sesshomaru's acceptance. His trust. Maybe his affection even.
But Inuyasha doesn't hope, not out loud. He's not a stray mongrel, feeding on whatever affection his estranged brother is willing to give him, coming back even when he's been hurt. He's not.
There's simply enough satisfaction involved in this for him to stay. He's not obeying any orders or fulfilling whims, not even when Sesshomaru asks him to go faster or slower, touch him or not touch him in certain places, stay still or be quiet, and he's quick to execute every command. He does so because he wants to. He's clearly not trying to please his brother.
He keeps repeating this to himself.
Sesshomaru doesn't linger on. After the deed is done he is quick to don his clothes and armour and make his leave, usually without any words. He does, however, give Inuyasha one last blank look before disappearing, leaving the younger hanyou to wonder how he can look so properly and put together after being so thoroughly fucked.
This time, however, Sesshomaru stays. He makes no move towards his clothes, deciding instead to lean against the cave wall with his eyes closed and posture relaxed.
"Got tired?" Inuyasha tries as he puts on his undershirt without much elegance, but Sesshomaru doesn't seem like he is in the mood to talk.
They sit in silence for a while, and perhaps it's only Inuyasha that feels awkward about it. He wishes for anything but silence and blank stares. He wishes Sesshomaru would tell him something, anything just to stop these feelings.
Ironic, Inuyasha thinks. He comes here, renders the demon powerless, fucks his brains out for the better of an hour, and after all is done he's still the one that gets to feel inadequate. Fitting for the future Lord of the West to appear powerful even when he's deprived of all control.
"Why me?" Inuyasha hears himself ask when the silence becomes unbearable. "Why did you ask me, out of all people, to do this?"
Sesshomaru merely opens one eye and throws a quick glance towards his younger brother before deciding he's not deserving of more. "Does it matter?"
Does it? Inuyasha asks himself. Would anything change if he knew the answer to this question? Would he just... stop coming altogether? Maybe it would be harder to come back and hurt Sesshomaru the way he demands to be hurt. Perhaps it would be easier.
"It matters to me."
Sesshomaru sighs almost inaudibly, yet loud and clear for one who possesses youkai hearing.
"If you can't play by the rules, Inuyasha, then perhaps you shouldn't play at all," he finally says, after a long pause. Then, to Inuyasha's despair, he reaches for his underclothes.
"How come you're the only one who gets to make the rules? How come I have to agree with everything you say and you get to order me around?"
"You should have thought about these matters before agreeing to my terms."
The hanyou's eyes are stuck to Sesshomaru's one arm that is tying his hanjuban. His movements are just as graceful as they would be if he had both of his hands.
"I'm thinking about them now, and I want to know. Why am I here?"
Silence once again. The only sound that fills the cave is the rustle of fabric.
"Sesshomaru, if you won't tell me why I am here, I swear I won't come back."
Sesshomaru finally raises his head to properly look at him, the obi in his hand getting discarded on the floor. He takes a few steps towards Inuyasha, yet the distance between them remains just as unbearable. It's always like this, Inuyasha realizes. No matter how close they physically get, the distance between them lingers on.
"What about you, little brother? Why are you here?"
Perhaps it is a genuine question, or perhaps it's just a trick. Nonetheless, it does the job, because Inuyasha can't possibly answer him truthfully and Sesshomaru is aware of it.
It would be easy to simply blunt out the truth and never look back.
'Because I want you to accept me,' Inuyasha would say.
'Because you're the only one I have,' Sesshomaru would tell him in return.
But neither of them is ready to render themselves truly defenseless. Neither of them could handle the power they would inevitably get over the other.
So neither of them says anything. Sesshomaru leaves, just as he always does, and Inuyasha stays still for longer than he intends, thinking. He eventually takes a few steps towards the exit, but can't stop himself from lingering on just a bit more, taking in the remaining of his brother's sharp scent, hoping he would get to feel it once again.
Next time they meet is on the battlefield.
"Get out of my way, Inuyasha. I have unfinished business with the clan's head," Sesshomaru warns, and Inuyasha obeys.
At the expense of a jewel fragment, he moves aside, hoping that his actions can speak better than his words, that Sesshomaru would understand. I want your acceptance.
At the end of the day, Sesshomaru throws the fragment at his feet.
"I have no use for this. See that it doesn't get into the hands of other filthy humans," is all he says before turning on his heels, but Inuyasha understands.
Neither of them is prepared to give up the illusion of control they created, but perhaps both of them understand that it is just that, an illusion.