Apov

Five months later.

The warm water from the spray of the shower was welcome even on this warm May morning. It was in complete contrast to the frigid cold, I'd experienced the last time I'd entered Grey house in December and even though I told myself I would never step foot in that building again, I had a task to complete, one, for him, I wouldn't fail.

Ros was lovely and even though it had been a long time since we had last spoken, she was only too happy to accommodate my request with the reassurance that Mr Grey wouldn't protest. It was his company, his building so if he did say no there was nothing any of us could do about it. Hearing nothing though from her in the past few days to say that the evening was cancelled, I was hoping, fingers crossed that everything would be going ahead and another item would be ticked off the list.

No. 10 Faster than a speeding bullet, Done.

No. 9. Dinner with the stars.

Number ten could've been a trip to the shooting range but knowing how we all felt about guns, zip-lining down what felt like a mountain is what we did. Just like number 9, that could've meant a meal with a local celebrity but as I knew from the previous items on his bucket list that I'd been tasked to complete so far, what was written down wasn't always what it would mean. So dinner under the stars, on the highest building in the city, one that didn't already have a restaurant at the top because that would be cheating is where in four days, our meal would take place. The weather, oh god, it's supposed to be windy so I think we may be wearing more food than what we eat.

Number 9, we had reached that, then we would go down to one, what then. Up until recently, there had been no numbers on the list but seeing them now filled me with dread.

I pushed aside my fears, leaving my apartment and headed off to work. I had a busy day ahead, a busy week also but no matter how much I tried to throw myself into work, my mind always went back to him and that despite how much he tried to hide it, I could see him getting sicker.

…

Leaving the office, I drove over to the hospital, passing Tulip House. It was truly beautiful there, a place for peace especially the garden but unlike others, his final days will not be there. I won't let them be.

I could hear him as soon as the elevator doors opened on the right floor, hear his laughter at the end of the corridor, the nurses too. Removing my coat, I made sure my hands were sanitised before I went to find my best friend.

"Still trying to charm the ladies" I teased Jose as I rounded the corner and entered his room just as he was being taken off a machine by Jenny, one of the many nurses we had gotten to know here over the years.

"Ana, you know as my best friend and sister, there is no place in my life for another girl but you."

"What am I then, chopped liver" Kate complained, putting down the magazine she had been looking through while keeping Jose company.

"All right Katie, no room for anyone else but you two" he replied, giving her a goofy smile which made her laugh. Always the joker, no matter the pain he's in.

"How have you been today," I asked, picking up his notes, which he quickly removed from my hand.

"I'm fit as a fiddle and ready to break out of this joint."

"Really?"

"Yes, Ana really" he smiled, hugging me tightly. I knew he was, like always, trying to make light of the situation especially when Doctor Trevelyan entered the room. "Do you have my oil?"

"Your what," I asked, wondering if this was something new the doctor had proscribed.

"A bit of spit and polish will do" She laughed and I knew then what they were speaking about, his bald head.

"I need to take care of it. This isn't just a bald head, it's a solar panel for a sex machine."

His words made me laugh but it was Kate's comment that made us turn to her when she spoke about my hair or lack of it compared to how it used to be.

"What about Ana's then," she'd said of my new pixie cut.

"Ana's was a precious gift, just like yours was then too for two little girls six months ago and this time too for another" Dr Trevelyan replied, squeezing my shoulder. "It's perfect for Clara until her own grows back."

"Maybe if you stop shaving what is left of yours Jose, it will grow back too" I stated, wanting the attention away from me.

"Naa, Ana. Hair's too much of a hassle, I'll stick to this."

Doctor Trevelyan smiled at him, although it was a sad smile that she gave. We all knew his diagnosis, all knew the eventual outcome, we just had to make the most of every day.

Leaving the hospital behind, Jose sat up front with me while I drove us home. Kate left to go back to the office or that's what she told us but I think she just needed a few minutes alone. It's not easy seeing someone you love go through all that he has.

When we got home, Jose headed to his room to call his dad and feed Jaws his goldfish while I took my second shower for the day, changing into my pyjamas.

Jose and I had known each other since we were born, living next to each other in Montesano. I was three days older than him and boy did I let him know it when we were kids, wanting to always be in charge. Lead the way is what he told me then and now, nothing's changed.

Jose was diagnosed with cancer four years ago, he went through treatment and came out the other side cancer-free, or so we thought. A headache, that's how we knew something was wrong, something different than the first time. Find a lump just like he'd done before and see a doctor, that's what's always drummed into you but this time there was no lump, just a headache, a simple headache. They'd operated before but this time it was too dangerous to do so having spread causing a tumour on the brain. Despite having chemo, so much that he begged for no more, this time it won't go away.

I don't let him know my fears or see my tears, it would only cause him stress. So I keep it bottled up, hiding it deep inside and try and make him as comfortable as possible, make him happy which at this moment is completing his bucket list.

"What else is on the list," I asked him at the same time he told me he was going back to work tomorrow. "Jose, is that safe, mixing with others in the office. Outside is one thing but... but if you catch a cold, get sick."

"You know me, Ana, I'm not one to sit around and do nothing unless I'm forced too and despite what you may think when you see me struggling to get around I feel better than I have in a long time especially with the medication I'm on now. I want to be busy, I want to be doing things, I feel..."

"What," I asked quietly, trying not to cry. "What do you feel."

"I feel like I need to take back control of my life. My diagnosis isn't going to change Ana, the cancer isn't going away and despite loving the view" he nodded to the marina we could see over the tops of the smaller buildings in front and the water beyond. "I don't want that view and the inside of a hospital room to be what I see the most. Eamon has some work for me to do and has created a safe environment where I may see others but only through glass and I will be using his elevator which only a few others use. I may not be out there taking the photos but I can at least work with the ones sent in, get them ready for whichever publication they will be in. Plus, I get to annoy Kate as she will be the only one allowed in where I am."

"She will love that" I smiled.

"Of course, because she loves me."

"We all do Jose, don't ever forget that."

"Never big sis" he smiled before asking me what I wanted to eat for dinner.

Whatever he was, was always my answer so grilled chicken and vegetables which he cooked while I read a manuscript is what we had for dinner.

Jose hadn't always lived with me. He'd had a large apartment on the other side of the city, but after his first diagnosis, it felt a long way from where he worked as a photographer for Kavanagh News. He loved the apartment but he loved his job more and even after he had been given the all-clear, neither of us was in a rush to go back to living alone again. Having his licence revoked this time due to seizures brought on by the tumour which thankfully with medication are now under control, living here, despite working from home up until now, everything was right down the street.

"So your list," I asked him. "I have number nine sorted."

"What are we doing, or where are we going," he asked excitedly. "Camping?"

I could hear the need in his voice to be doing something, normal, something familiar. Our families had gone camping together ever since we had been able to walk and I promised him that although that wouldn't be what we would be doing in a few days, I would make sure we would go back to the lake again, fish off the jetty and sleep under the stars.

"I've thought of a few other things then" he chucked.

"Going off the silly grin on your face, If you're going to write rob a bank on that list then I'm afraid you're on your own."

"It's not that bad, although a car chase might be fun," he said, handing me the notebook that he always wrote his list in.

"Nutter" I laughed before looking at the next few items on the list.

Number 8. A big crash.

Number 7. An ending and a beginning.

"What the hell does all this mean," I asked him.

"You'll think of something" he replied before getting to his feet and placed a kiss on the top of my head. He took our dishes into the kitchen and placed them into the dishwasher, ignoring my call that I would do them instead. "I'm off to bed, I have a busy day tomorrow. Night Ana, sleep well."

"You too little brother, don't forget your meds."

"I won't and I will brush my teeth and hair before I get in bed."

He was nearly in his room before his words became clear in my tired mind. "What hair" I mumbled.

….

"Ana, next week I'd like you to visit a potential new signing in New York while you're at the symposium" My boss Jack Hyde announced at our morning editors meeting.

"Sir?"

"Did you not hear me, New York" he berated, trying as always in front of others to put me in my place.

I hated my boss but I loved my job. Hyde didn't like the fact that it had taken him years to move up to the role he had now, only getting the post when Roach the owner had to take a backseat having had a heart attack just last year. There was also the fact that no one else wanted the job so Roach had very limited options. I'd been a fiction editor for a few years when I'd taken over Jack's job as senior editor and if I do say so myself, I do a better job of it too.

"Yes I did hear you, I'm just surprised you're asking me to go as you were only speaking about going yourself yesterday" I replied, knowing his original plan for going to New York was to slack off for a few days like always.

"Plans change, I need you to go in my place" he snapped, making me want to reach over the table with the manuscript I had in my hand and hit him with it.

But instead, I nodded, trying to stifle my smile when I heard Hannah mumble beside me that he probably has a date. Jack Hyde was an asshole, the biggest there was. A few days away from him would be nice but I was always worried about leaving Jose.

"Ana he will be fine, stop worrying my dear" Pops, Jose's father, told me when I called to tell him about my trip that afternoon. That wasn't his real name it was just what I'd always called him, he had the same name as his beloved son.

"That's your job" I teased him.

"Always" he replied. "Ever since he was placed in my arms. My son will be fine without you for a couple of days, your apartment, maybe not so" he laughed. "I know how messy he can be… Ana."

"Yes."

"Go out there girl and enjoy yourself. You don't always have to be that boys nurse. When was the last time you had a night out?" he asked and I knew the answer straight away.

Over four years ago, we had all gone dancing at a club for my birthday. After then, it's felt like we've all been cursed.

"Soon" I replied, just like the last time he told me to go out and enjoy myself. Soon was the same word I'd told my parents, Jose, even, too.

…

I was out, I was dressed up, I was even having a glass of wine, well it was sat in front of me, untouched. This was no date though as I listened to the man sitting across from me speak, no this was work.

Boyce Fox was an author we'd published work for before. I was here tonight though to try and convince him to stay with Seattle Independent Publishing and not take his manuscript elsewhere.

One call to the office to which I was unavailable and the poor man had been put through to Jack. Whether my boss had been having a bad day, a moodier than usual day, as he's always in a mood, I'm not sure but an argument had ensued with Boyce telling Jack he would be taking his work someplace else.

Had I been there and not called in sick as I'd had an exhausting and emotional day before, I could've worked with Boyce through his concerns. Now though my request for him to stay could be falling on deaf ears as all he wanted to speak about was me.

"Anastasia, would you like some more wine," Boyce asked, smiling at me.

"No thank you. I've hardly touched this," I replied, nodding to the glass and taking a drink of water instead.

Boyce had been nice from the meetings we'd had in the past, all in the office I might add. To be out with him now though, I'm starting to think his offer for dinner to discuss going forward was a front for something else. Did he think I would get drunk while I was out at a business dinner, give in to his flirtations? Did he think I would ruin the reputation I had built up as an editor just to keep him at Seattle Independent Publishing by giving him what he obviously wanted with the looks he was sending my way, me in bed?

Despite him being a great author, there were better authors out there to discover. So as his hand reached for mine, it was time to put Boyce Fox in his place.

"Anastasia, what is it," he asked as I moved my hand out of the way.

"Mr Fox."

"What," he laughed. "Apart from when we first met, you've always called me Boyce as I asked you to call me so why now, Mr Fox."

"Inviting me to dinner this evening, you obviously have a different idea as to what this meeting was for."

"Meeting" he scoffed.

"Yes, meeting. You're an author, I'm an editor. We work together to publish your work and that is the only reason as to why we're here this evening, to discuss that."

"I do admit Ana, can I call you that?"

"I'd prefer it if you didn't" I replied. That name was only for those I trusted and for those who knew me best and the man who sat before me now was neither. He ignored my reply though and called me it again.

"Ana, you're a beautiful woman, myself" he cut off, looking at himself in one of the mirrors that hid the building pillars. "As I was saying, I think we work well together, so why should we not have some fun and play together too. I'm not looking for a lifetime commitment as I'm sure you're not either."

"You have no idea what I'm looking for in my life," I said, getting to my feet. My voice raised a little higher than intended, causing those closest to look my way. "Now if you will excuse me, I'm leaving. Find someone else to polish and publish your shit."

I turned away from him quickly but I'd barely taken a step before I hit a wall, one of muscle whose hands came out to steady me.

Looking up to see who had saved me from an embarrassing fall, I looked into grey eyes, ones I'd looked into before.

"Miss… An…"

"My apologies" I whispered, taking a step back which caused him to release his hold on me. Could this night get any worse, first Boyce Fox and now Christian Grey, two men who had made my blood boil. If I'm honest with myself though being however briefly in his arms, looking into Grey's eyes had caused a flutter to my heart too.

I heard Boyce's voice call my name as I made my way towards the elevator. Passing the maître d I asked if he could send the bill to the company so I didn't have to delay my getaway. Having Fox pay for it despite him inviting me would only give him the idea yet again that this was a date.

When the elevator arrived, I quickly entered but I found I was not quick enough as I was not alone.

I had the richest man in Seattle to my left and an obnoxious author to my right. Not forgetting what could be a silent assassin in the corner as he not only didn't say a word but didn't look like he had taken a breath or even twitched on the way down.

"Ana" Boyce said, wanting my attention.

"I asked you not to call me that" I snapped, not even looking at him.

"Miss." It was Mr Grey who wanted my attention this time and he got it. "You dropped this."

In his hand, he held my silk scarf, a gift from my parents a few Christmases ago.

"Thank you."

"Boyce Fox," the annoying man said, thrusting his hand in front of Mr Grey who much to my amusement just looked at it, and them him until Boyce moved his hand away.

"Christian Grey."

"Nice to meet you, Grey. Grey, I've heard that name before when I've visited Seattle. What do you do, I work with Annie here."

At the use of a name only my dad called me, I spun to Fox and gave him all the attention he didn't want or need.

"Don't you dare call me that" I spat, stunning him into silence which unfortunately didn't last too long.

"You said not to call you Ana so I thought I would give you my own name" he laughed, trying to hide his embarrassment in front of the other men.

While I was talking to Fox, I could feel Grey's eyes on me all the time. I could see he wanted to put this man in his place for speaking to me in the tone that he did but he didn't, he stayed silent. Maybe he thought I could handle myself or maybe it was because he had once spoken to me like that too.

Boyce turned back to Grey then, making out he had no clue as to who the man was. He had a building with his name on it, the tallest in the city, I should know, that's why I chose it. I also knew Christian Grey owned many other businesses here in Seattle as well, including the restaurant above that I had just embarrassed myself in.

When Grey told him that he had no clue as to who Fox was as we finally reached the parking garage, hearing Fox's comeback that I must not have done my job properly then, Grey no longer stayed quiet.

I tried not to hear as he threatened Fox as to what would happen if he didn't learn how to treat a lady. I did hear clearly though the footsteps approach and "Miss" being called before Mr Grey stood in front of me when I turned his way.

"Mr Grey?"

"I'm sorry" he replied.

"Sorry" I questioned.

"Yes, sorry for taking my bad day out on you when your day was ruined because of me."

"I don't understand."

"The car, the puddle" he stated. "It was my car that soaked you that day. My driver wanted to stop but I was so concerned about getting to my meeting on time that I told him to carry on."

"Oh," I whispered. "OK…"

"OK, No, it's not OK. We should've stopped."

"It's done, Mr Grey. A hot shower followed by an even longer hot bath sorted me out. I think it probably took Ros longer to get the mud out of the carpet in her office... I could've rescheduled but at the time it was important that the meeting went ahead."

"Important meeting's, I'd say I've had many of them over the years but then in the scheme of things, they weren't that important at all... I heard what you said. You said time was precious when you don't have a lot of it left... I saw."

"What did you see" I whispered.

"The elevator, the camera…"

I knew he must have seen me pull the wig from my head, I just hoped he hadn't seen my tears. Of course, there were cameras in the elevator, a building such as his would be full of them.

"The wig" I stated, receiving a nod.

"You've been sick" he whispered.

"No… It's, it's complicated" I admitted. "My hair was so short the day I came to your business that I didn't feel comfortable walking in the way I looked, especially seeing all the smartly dressed people around, so I wore the wig. It seems that my hair or lack of it was the least of my worries. Besides a little girl needed my hair more than I did." I smiled.

I could see the look of awe on his face that I would cut my hair so short for someone else. My hair now is long compared to how it really was that day and although I promised Jose that I wouldn't shave my head again, back then Kate and I had done it for a more important reason than to have a wig made. We'd done it because as Jose had started to lose his, we didn't want him to go through that alone.

Hearing a beep of a horn and a squeal of tyres by my earlier dinner companion, I sighed. Looking away from Boyce's retreating car and to my own, I finally unlocked it.

"I'd better go. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day. It was nice to meet you again Mr Grey, in a better place this time."

"A parking garage" he laughed.

"Hey, at least this time we're both dry" I smiled, earning one from him.

He opened my car door for me and was about to say something else when his phone ringing interrupted us. He apologised, taking it from his pocket before this time it was him who sighed.

"Time is money, you'll waste it" I quoted, thinking it was a business call he had just silenced.

"No, time is precious" he replied smiling. "My sister, wanting to bring me in on the planning for our fathers birthday no doubt. We almost lost him" he admitted quietly. "He was involved in a car crash back in January."

"It will be a birthday to celebrate then, just like all of them should be. Good night Mr Grey" I said, taking a seat behind the wheel.

"Christian" he replied, holding his hand out for me to take. The introduction we didn't get to have the first time we met.

"Ana."

As I drove away from the restaurant, I felt lighter, happier than when I had started my night. I knew I would no doubt receive a few choice words from Hyde tomorrow when he hears about what happened with Fox but should he start he will receive a few of mine in return.

Thank you for reading, following and reviewing and thank you for the lovely messages welcoming me back.

Grace is not a paediatrician in this story but an oncologist.

Until next time when they will meet again, take care.

Caroline.