Chapter 11

We drifted through the steam, noticed Mr. 2 drowning, fished him out of the sea, yadda yadda yadda. At least now things would get a little amusing. How could it not be when they've picked up one of the Straw Hat Pirates' mortal enemies.

"You all have my thanks. If it weren't for you all I'd…" he paused when he saw me, Nami, and Mantax. "I'm sorry, but what exactly are you three?"

Nami subtly cringed at the question while Mantax replied, "We could ask you the same thing."

2 laughed at that, "Good comeback," he stated as he chatted with the rest of the crew. Then he unwittingly hid his identity, "My name is Bon Clay," he said as the rest of the crew went, unknowingly, about their conversation with him trying to understand how he ended up where he did.

'Wait for it, here comes his Devil Fruit demonstration,' I thought.

Then, as if on cue, 2 hammed it up as he drew his arm back, showcasing, "This. Is my. POWE-" I caught his wrist just in time, before he could strike Luffy.

"Care to explain what that was about?" I queried, as I let his arm go.

He bowed slightly, "My apologies. I suppose hitting people in the face is rather rude. Allow me to use a more gentle touch." He tapped Luffy's cheek and demonstrated his Clone-Clone powers. Then, one by one, he started tapping everyone else's faces. Before he could copy Mantax, the Bionicle villain threatened, "Touch me and you're going back overboard."

That made 2 back off nervously as he asked the crew, "Excuse me, but could someone point me to the latrine?" Hmmm, that just felt random. As everyone went back to their business, I got the feeling that something about Mr. 2's behavior was off. Like he was being slightly less friendly than he was in canon. That fact made me uneasy for some reason, but I couldn't put my distal phalanx on it. After about 20 minutes, Mr. 2 reappeared as his ship arrived to pick him up. "Well, my friends, I'm afraid this is goodbye for now. I must say, you're all just as nice as Mr. -1 said you'd be."

That statement made me freeze. Looks like Mr. -1 told more than just Robin about us. As soon as his ship was out of sight, all of a sudden, there was an explosion below deck. We all rushed downstairs to see a giant hole in the wall.

Seeing that we didn't have much time before the ship sank, Fencer got to work. She climbed up the wall, digging her claws into the wood; she went from the wall to the ceiling, then stabbed her tail into it. Next, she ran in a circle, carving a big chunk out of the ceiling. "Quick, someone press this against the hole!"

Luffy, Zoro, Mantax, and I all grabbed the piece of ceiling and did as she ordered. The seal wasn't perfect, so water was still leaking in, but it was way better than it was a second ago. "Carving up one part of the ship to repair another? How unorthodox," Mantax commented.

The fire ferret chuckled, "Well, I thought it up on the fly."

"Moving on. Usopp, get some stuff to patch this up. The rest of us will bail out the ship," Zoro instructed. Once all that was done, everyone took a breather.

"Why would Bon do this? He seemed so nice," Luffy wondered.

"It's because he's from Baroque Works," Vivi said breathily.

"WHAT!" Everyone but me shouted. Mantax didn't shout but I imagined he was still at least a little surprised. Then came the amusing scene where Vivi explained that she'd heard rumors which described Mr. 2 pretty much exactly, followed by the crew's exasperation at her not recognizing him sooner.

Fencer confronted me, "What the hell, dude? How come you didn't give us a heads up?"

"Because he becomes an ally of ours at some point in the future, so making friends with him now was important," I explained.

Usopp spoke up next, "Well, you could've at least warned us that he'd blow a hole in the ship."

I got a little defensive, "That didn't happen in the comic! He was supposed to just leave peacefully. I didn't know he'd plant a bomb."

Luffy looked confused, "Wait, if he didn't plant a bomb in your comic, how come he did it here?"

"I'd wager it's got something to do with this 'Mr. -1' we keep hearing about," Sanji guessed.

"If he's part of Baroque Works, then I'm sure we'll have our chance to pay him back for this," Mantax chimed in.

Suddenly, the ship started rocking, causing us to move back above deck. Once there, we saw the giant cat monster floating near the ship. I only barely remembered this scene from the anime. I watched in amusement as the monster trio prepared to attack the sea cat only to be stopped by Vivi.

Grooooowwwwllll

Any further dialogue was cut off by everyone's stomachs growling.

"Hey, Declan?" Fencer practically begged, "Please tell me we're gonna make it to Alabasta before we starve."

I was about to answer when I paused; an idea was forming in my head… Still forming. Still forming. There it is! "I've got an idea," I announced. "Mantax can breathe underwater, so he can get us food from the sea."

I was then treated to the entertaining sight of everyone listing off the types of fish they wanted our new crewmate to get before he lost his patience. "Shut up! You'll all get what I bring you," he growled as he dove off the ship, leaving the rest of us waiting. When he got back, he was holding a 12-foot squid and an 8-foot shark in his arms while gripping a 5-foot eel in his mandibles.

Sanji grinned, "Thank God. Now we actually can have dinner tonight," he said before putting a hand on my shoulder, "And for everyone's sake, please don't let Luffy eat it all again." I nodded at that, staring at Luffy. He was in for a fight if he tried anything a second time.

For the next few days, I guarded our fridge while Skeleton Buddy kept look-out in the crow's nest. When we finally arrived at Nanohana, our captain shot into town like a rubber bullet. Barely a minute later, Carue pointed out Mr. 3's ship nearby.

"Wait a minute," Vivi looked at me. "You knew about that, didn't you?"

"And you had to have known Luffy was gonna run off," Fencer added, "Why do you keep holding out on us, dude?"

I thought for a few seconds before giving my defense, "Well, I didn't have a way to stop Mr. 3 from getting here before us. And as for Luffy, him running off didn't cause any harm in canon, so I just let him go."

"What exactly should we do regarding Mr. 3?" Zoro asked, "The bastard's seen most of our faces already."

"I doubt he'd recognize me now," Nami muttered, looking down at her scaly hands.

Then Usopp came up with his 'genius' plan to disguise everyone. Before he could enact it, I put Fencer on my shoulder and materialized SB for guard duty. I hopped off the ship, swiftly followed by Mantax.

I preempted the inevitable inquiry of 'Where are you going?' by calling back to the crew, " While you guys are all busy with your own jobs, I figure I'd wander off and do my own thing."

"The same applies to me," Mantax chimed in with a bored tone, "Plus, this Mr. 3 hasn't seen my face yet. And even if he did, I wouldn't bother with a weak disguise like that."

I walked away before anything else could be said. When I declared I wanted to do my own thing, I probably should've THOUGHT about what I'd do. Being a living skeleton, I naturally got a whole lot of stares as I aimlessly wandered around through the streets .

"Wanna go to a bar or something?" Fencer asked.

I shrugged, "Eh, I don't drink."

Fencer gave me a look, "What are you, some goody two-shoes?"

"I just never liked the taste of booze," I explained, gesturing to myself, "Also, I can't drink. Besides that, bars usually don't allow animals inside." As we continued meandering to nowhere, I felt something yank my right hand off. Turning around, I saw a dog running off with my hand in its mouth. "Reassembly," upon my command, my hand flew out of the dog's mouth and back onto my wrist. 'Well there's one disadvantage to being a skeleton,' I thought to myself.

"And that just happened," my animal companion commented. With nothing to do, the two of us started window shopping. That guy trying to sell a golden apple approached us, which even Fencer could tell was fake. Along the rest of the street, there were people selling all kinds of junk: A Chaos Emerald, a Key Blade, a Power Coin, a Lockseed, a lightsaber, and the Max Spark to name a few. Every single one of them was obviously fake. Looks like that 'golden apple' guy wasn't the only con artist to be found. There was also a red teru teru bozu. Hope to God that one is fake. I was reminded that this wasn't all fun and games when I spotted some Marines on patrol. As we hid behind some nearby crates, Fencer spoke up, "Ok, I know the captain didn't want any spoilers and all, but this is another thing we really could've used a warning for."

"Hey!" We froze, hoping that hadn't been directed at us. Unfortunately, upon turning around, we saw a pair of Marines heading our way. "On second thought", deciding to take Fencer's advice, "uh, maybe we could hide out at a bar after all?"

My animal companion grinned, "Sounds good. I thought of a way for you to take me inside while you were window shopping." She crawled on top of my head and curled up, making herself look like a coonskin hat.

"Nice disguise." We picked up the pace before the Marines could get too close. Ten seconds later, we came across a bar called 'The Thirsty Drought.' Once we got to the counter, my order for the bartender was, "Can I get some vodka with a lime in it?" The bartender, as well as the rest of the patrons, stood in stunned silence at my barging in. Waving my hand in front of his face snapped him out of it, "Uh, sure." The timing was perfect, just as he slid me the glass, the Marines that were chasing us walked in.

Spotting me, they headed my way, "We've heard about Straw Hat Luffy having a living skeleton on his crew," the first one said, "You're under arrest for piracy."

The second one looked me up and down, "Hey, didn't he have a fire ferret with him?"

"Yeah, you're right," the first guy noted before noticing my Fencer-hat. He put his hand on my shoulder, "Alright, you're under arrest for piracy AND unlicensed skinning."

That might've made me laugh if he hadn't implied that I killed Fencer. Picking the lime out of my drink, I aimed and squirted it right in his eyes. As he recoiled, the other Marine reached for his pistol. Unfortunately for him, it's hard to aim when a guy splashes vodka in your face, that guy being me. While the two of them recovered, I dashed out of the bar.

"They're not far behind!" Fencer warned, now back on my shoulder. Damn, those guys recovered fast.

It was then I remembered my partner could help me out here. "What are you waiting for? Light 'em up!" Fencer turned around on my shoulder and let a stream of fire spew from her mouth. The two Marines were slowed down as they evaded the blast but, unfortunately, the fire just attracted MORE Marines. This chase was going downhill fast; I didn't know my way around this town at all.

Mid-pursuit, I swiped a soda can from some random guy on the street. Fencer looked at me weird as I headed into an alley, "What'd you grab that for, dude?"

"I've got an idea!"

Fortunately, it wasn't long before we came across the next item I had in mind: a bag of Pop Rocks, which I promptly snatched from the kid holding them. Shortly after gathering my supplies, the two of us ran into a dead end. Turning around, we saw a bunch of grunts blocking my exit with their guns aimed at me. Thinking fast, I said, "Before anything else, I have a question: Would you all like to shoot me now, or wait 'till you get home?"

"Let's shoot him now, guys!" one of the men yelled to his compatriots.

One of them took the bait! Now I can potentially die having pulled off a Looney Toons gag. "You keep out of this! They don't have to shoot you now!"

The Marine turned back to me, "They do SO have to shoot me now!" He faced his colleagues, "I DEMAND you all shoot me now!"

The men looked between each other for a moment before shrugging and taking aim.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG

Fencer and I just stared at the dead body. "Uh, hehe, wow, that's… a little less funny when someone actually dies."

The Marines returned their attention to me, so I poured the Pop Rocks into my soda, making them gasp. I reared my arm back and yelled , "See you in hell, Navy boys!" Throwing the explosive mixture into the group, I went back to the wall, sank my finger bones into it, and started climbing.

Just before I reached the roof of the building, the explosion from my makeshift grenade propelled me into the air. Failing to land on my feet, I landed spreadeagle on the roof.

Fencer, who laid beside me, asked, "You said you come up with stuff like that on the spot?"

"Not that time," I explained, "That time I was just copying The Simpsons. Although, finding the stuff I needed was pure luck." I started laughing, "I can't believe I pulled that off!"

My laughter must've been contagious, because she started laughing too, "Wanna just head back to the ship, dude?"

As I got up, Fencer crawled back onto my shoulder, "Yeah, but first, we're gonna make one stop."

Line Break

We managed to find our way back to the ship right as the rest of the crew did. Talk about coincidence.

"Everyone, get the ship set up!" Nami barked out. As we all got to work, I waited for the crew to notice that our captain was missing.

Everybody complained about Luffy's idiocy for a moment or two before Chopper interrupted, "Guys, Mantax gave me a note and then ran off!" We all crowded around to read what it said.

"Went to get the captain while you all made a scene. Be back soon."

"Wow, that guy's fast," Usopp commented.

Fencer spoke up next, "Oh! I just remembered. Vivi, Nami, Declan got some stuff for you two."

The two girls in question looked surprised while Sanji overreacted, "Why you! How dare you try and buy these ladies' affections with gifts!" Before he could kick me, SB snuck up and restrained him with a half nelson. You know, I actually forgot that we left him to guard the ship. Good on me for having my back.

Ignoring that bit of commotion, Vivi asked me, "So, what did you get?"

I reached into my hammerspace and pulled out a pair of plain, white T-shirts.

"Shirts?"

"Yeah, I remembered that Sanji would get you two belly dancer outfits at this point in the story, so I got you these if you want to cover up," I explained.

Nami, who seemed to be zoning out for some reason, suddenly joined in the conversation, "How'd you know our sizes?" she inquired with narrow eyes.

I shrugged, "I didn't. I just got you both women's large."

"Why do you care about their state of dress?" our swordsman questioned.

Again, I shrugged, "I'm autistic, we nitpick stuff."

Line Break

Mantax leaped across the rooftops, using his strong sense of smell to follow his captain's scent until he came upon an alley where he saw Luffy and his brother arm-wrestling. Jumping off the roof, he landed without making a sound. As he did, the brothers broke the barrel they were having their contest on.

He made himself known, "Ahem."

"What the hell?!" Ace cried.

Luffy, on the other hand, just smiled, "Oh, hey, Taxman."

"It's Mantax," the Barraki corrected.

Ace pulled himself together, "Wait, Luffy, you know this thing?"

The boy in the straw hat nodded, "Sure do. He's part of my crew."

"Yes, and I came to lead you back to the ship since you apparently couldn't just follow us earlier," Mantax complained. "Come with me."

Luffy just laughed in response as he and Ace began following the former villain. Along the way, Ace started a little inquiry, "So, Luffy, is everyone on your crew like this guy?" he jabbed a thumb at Mantax.

"Nope, but they're all pretty interesting," Luffy started counting his fingers. "First, there's a swordsman who fights with three swords, then there's our navigator; she likes maps and money and tangerines, and a little while ago, she turned into a dinosaur!"

That made Ace grin, "Whoa, really?"

Luffy continued, "Yep, we also have a cook who makes really great food. Then there's our sniper, who lies all the time. And in Loguetown, we got a fire ferret and an alien skeleton. There's also a princess and her giant duck. And not long after that, we picked up a doctor who's a reindeer, and an alien ninja," he gestured to Mantax for that last part.

"Well, that's quite a crew you've assembled," Ace commented with a smile. "Way more aliens than I would've expected."

Said 'ninja' groaned, "I told you I'm not a ninja."

"So, Ace, what're you doing in Alabasta?" Luffy asked.

"What are you talking about?" his brother raised an eyebrow, "Didn't you get the message I left for you on Drum Island?"

"No," the younger pirate casually answered.

Ace sighed, "Oh well. Anyway, I came to this country on some business."

Luffy tilted his head, "Business?"

The shirtless pirate smiled, "Yeah, I'm with the Whitebeard Pirates." He walked ahead of Mantax and his brother, showing them a Jolly Roger tattooed on his back, "You see this tattoo? It's our mark and my pride. What do you say, wanna join us?"

"Nope," Luffy grinned.

"Pass," Mantax deadpanned as he retook the lead.

Ace just laughed, "Figures. That's too bad, because Whitebeard's the greatest-"

Before he could finish his sentence, numerous goons surrounded them. "Well, well, well," one of the men said smugly, "If it isn't Fire Fist Ace, Straw Hat Luffy, and…whatever the hell that is."

The three pirates said nothing and merely looked around at all the thugs.

"If we bring in guys like you, a promotion is guarant-" Suddenly, Mantax appeared in front of the lead thug and thrust his pincer into his gut. Without turning around, the black Barraki asked the pirate brothers, "Are you two going to help or just stand there?"

This made Ace grin, "I think he just dared us, Luffy!" he said, back-kicking a mook.

Luffy grinned as well but said nothing as another mook charged him with a sword. Before the guy could reach him, he threw a stretchy punch, knocking him out.

The thugs went silent as their members were easily dispatched. The three pirates proceeded to continue their search for the Going Merry.

Upon reaching the shore, Luffy spotted their ship. With the goons right behind them, he stretched one arm out to the boat and the other around Mantax.

"Wait, captain, I can just SWIIIIIIIM!" Mantax tried to protest as the two were launched toward the Going Merry.

Line Break

I was nice enough to pull Sanji and Chopper out of harm's way as our captain and 'ninja' crashed onto the deck.

While Luffy described his brother to us, the Fire Man in question made his surprise entrance on our ship.

"Soooooo, you guys are my brother's crew? Nice to meet you," he greeted. His eyes widened when he spotted me, Chopper, and Nami, "Whoa, a skeleton, a reindeer, and a dinosaur!? Luffy really wasn't kidding about any of you." Our navigator flinched at that. Then Ace noticed Skeleton Buddy, "Hey, Luffy, I thought you only had one skeleton."

"I'm a clone," SB said.

Luffy's brother opened his mouth as if to comment, only to shut it and shrug instead.

Mantax had finally recovered from his slingshot fiasco and ominously made his way over to Luffy, growling all the while. "What's wrong, Taxm-" Luffy didn't get to finish his question before the Barraki grabbed him by the shoulder and shallowly impaled him on his knee spike.

Luffy instantly collapsed. "What the hell did you do!?" Ace snapped, ready to attack.

"Relax, he'll be fine," Mantax interrupted. "My venom is just a powerful numbing agent. It'll wear off after about ten minutes."

"That's nice and all but why'd you do that to him?" Usopp questioned.

The former villain simply responded, "He slingshotted me."

We all nodded in understanding as Chopper asked, "Hey, guys? Are all those ships in the distance a bad thing?"

That got our attention on the Baroque Works ships nearby. Over the course of the next few minutes, Ace hopped off our ship onto his own boat and lit our enemies up, literally.

"Whoa," Fencer gasped, "I've got nothing on that guy."

Once Ace returned to the ship, we resumed sailing. As we continued, one or two hijinks ensued.

"Alright, which of you wise guys stole my limbs?" I growled, hopping across the deck. Fencer had acted as a decoy while someone behind me pulled off my arms and right leg.

It wasn't hard to figure out who was behind it. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were all conspicuously holding my limbs behind their backs.

I could hear Ace and Carue chuckling and I got the feeling Sanji, Zoro, Nami, and Vivi were also more amused than they were letting on. Turning back to Fencer, I could only ask, "You were in on this too?"

"They told me it'd be funny," she got out before bursting into giggles, "And they were right!"

For a moment, I was silent. "So, you guys think that was funny, huh? Well, I've got a good one for ya."

All present pranksters were understandably confused. "Um, what is it?" Usopp wondered aloud.

"Ever hear the one about the one-legged man and the ass-kicking contest?"

Line Break

Thankfully, it wasn't long before we reached the shores of Erumalu. Vivi sent Carue off to deliver the letter and then, my favorite part, the kung fu dugongs showed up.

After Usopp got his ass kicked by a dugong, I hopped onto the shore and challenged one of them myself. "Fencer, if you would be so kind..." Leaping off my shoulder and landing in between us, she raised her paw and slammed it down, "Fight!"

This being my first real fight against another martial artist, I was feeling kind of tentative. Unfortunately, my opponent capitalized on this and made the first move. He grabbed my pelvis and ribcage before I could react and threw me overhead.

"Heh, I forgot how light I am now," I said, rolling onto my 'stomach'. Before I could get to my feet, the dugong was already in front of me with his 'clenched' flipper in front of my face. I just chuckled, "Should've hit me when you had the chance." I lunged forward, tackling him to the ground with my hands around his throat. He tried to get me to let go by striking my elbows and bending my fingers until they felt like breaking, but I powered through and eventually, he tapped out.

After 'persuading' the dugongs not to follow us into the desert, we set off. Vivi took it upon herself to give us a history lesson once we got to Erumalu. Thank god she finally finished so we could continue on our journey. Man, I thought all this was boring just watching the anime but having to-

"Wake up!"

Fencer's yelling snapped me out of my daze. "You've been zoning out for…" she stopped to think about it for a second, "I don't know how long."

Looking around, I saw the sun was starting to set. Once we set up camp, I had some things I wanted to clear up, "So, how long was I daydreaming?"

"You were out for at least a couple hours," Usopp answered, "We had to stop you from wandering away once or twice. You seemed like you were in your own little world."

That made Luffy gasp, "He must've been in his own world because he's an alien!"

I chuckled at that and moved onto my next question, "This next one I've been wondering about for a while. Mantax, why does your venom just numb people? I thought it paralyzed them outright."

"Ah, right, you would know about that, wouldn't you," our other most recent crewmate commented. "Well, for some reason or another when I landed in this world, I was mutated into this form once again."

"Once again?" Vivi questioned.

Mantax held a hand up, "Let's not make this story longer than it needs to be. Anyway, I was mutated back into this form with the main differences from last time being that I could now breathe air, in addition to water, and my venom was numbing and not paralytic."

I nodded. Eventually, everyone decided to go to sleep; before they did, "Hey, Chopper, can I borrow a book about human skeletons?"

"Sure thing, why?" the little reindeer asked.

"Because I don't sleep, so I'm going to need something to do. Also, I thought it'd be fitting to learn more about the skeleton since I am one."

Our doctor sifted through his medical books to find the one I was looking for. "Here you go but isn't reading in the dark be bad for your…" he paused as he remembered I didn't have eyes, "Never mind."

Speaking of reading, I decided now would be a good time to check Fencer's progress. I called her over and quizzed her on her spelling abilities before she decided to go to bed along with everyone else. That left me alone to read through my bone book… Who the hell decided the skull needed so many sections!?