XCW: Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling

by Ivan Dallas Page

A new breed of animated wrestling enters the competition. Featuring characters from both cartoons and video games, as well as a variety of fight styles from mat-based to hardcore, there's no doubt that animated wrestling just got taken to the extreme! The Abolishment go-home episode of Monday Night Massacre is completed!

96. XCW Massacre: October Week 2 Part 1

Hey fans! It's time for another chapter of XCW Monday Night Massacre! I own nothing.

---

"In Two" by Nine Inch Nails played as pyro exploded on the titantron, after which millions of fans stood in a huge arena cheering and holding up signs of many different colors.

"The vicious alliance of Tommy Vercetti and The Three Crest Empire made its horrific presence known by striking and assaulting D-Generation Ed with unrelenting fury last week! Who will be their next victim tonight as we trek ever closer to Ecstasy of Gold? Welcome to another edition of XCW Monday Night Massacre, ladies and gentlemen! We are live from the PCUW Arena here in Peach Creek! Hello again, everyone! I am Frylock, "The Voice of XCW" with Master Shake at ringside, and tonight, Shake, I am happy to report that after a brief stay at the hospital last week, Nazz, Eddy and Ed are resting comfortably at home with their families here in their hometown tonight, after what was for my money, the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen as a broadcaster." Frylock said, just in time for the following words to ring throughout the arena. . .

ECHO.

MILANO.

PADOVA.

INDIA.

ROMA.

ECHO.

EMPIRE.

"Wet Blanket" by Metz played, and the crowd exploded into MASSIVE boos as Trevor Phillips, Michael De Santa and Franklin Clinton were found standing at the top of a staircase in the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome. . .Michael De Santa. . .Franklin Clinton. . .and Trevor Phillips. . .the THREE CREST EMPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!"

All three men looked out at the fans surrounding them and all over the arena before nodding to each other, each of them ready to get down to business. Michael, Trevor and Franklin stepped down the steps and made their way toward the barricade.

"And speak of the devil, because Monday Night Massacre is starting with 'em whether we want it to or not. . ." Frylock said, ". . .the entirety of the Three Crest Empire may not have been present at ringside during the match or the hellacious assault on D-Generation Ed last week, but Michael and Franklin are damn sure as complicit for letting The Crazy Guy, Trevor Phillips, run amok as he did after the bell rang! He dropped Nazz on her head with his Superweapon finishing maneuver, and then assaulted Eddy and Ed into next week with vicious unprotected chair shots! If this were any other promotion, Trevor would face suspension, but I'm willing to bet that because of the Empire's connections, he, Franklin and Michael are allowed to walk out here and give these fans a piece of their mind! I hope we at least finally get an answer tonight about their reasonings behind the vicious attacks and mind games they've put D-Generation Ed through since assaulting them at Shockwave all those months ago."

Michael, Trevor and Franklin climbed over the barricade and Michael slid into the ring under the bottom rope, while Franklin and Trevor stood on adjacent corners and pointed fists into each other's direction, glaring at the fans with contemptuous stares.

"Of course they can walk out here and talk, Frylock! It's a free country!" Shake said. "And besides, "And if you ask me, Tommy and company didn't beat 'em hard enough!" Shake shouted. "These idiot fans could have seen the greatest tribute show in fiction wrestling HISTORY if Trevor helped throw 'em six feet under! But instead, they ain't gonna see their hometown heroes fight in person for a week. On top o'that, how is D-Generation ED of all people the hometown heroes of THESE people? They have the collective intelligence of Meatwad, and even after they DO return, the V-Crest Dynasty is gonna wipe the goddamn floor with them!"

"That's unless the right person or persons want to challenge them, Shake. . ." Frylock added, as Michael, Trevor and Franklin all stood in the ring holding microphones as they scanned the arena at the fans. . .

. . .

. . .who ERUPTED with MORE BOOS as 'The Harwood Butcher' Tommy Vercetti made his way onto the stage, scanning the arena at the fans with contempt to no entrance music whatsoever.

". . .or this man, Tommy Vercetti. . ." finished Frylock, as Tommy slowly but surely sauntered down the ramp with the same malcontented grimace on his face, shouldering the XCW World Heavyweight Championship on his entire way down.

"You can just see the look in Tommy Vercetti's eyes right now, Shake. . .this man has changed for the worse since before winning the XCW World Heavyweight Championship and even before acquiring the Silver Lining briefcase." Frylock informed. "There's nothing but coldness in his eyes, and that coldness extends to his treatment of all the XCW fans, and everyone on our roster that isn't a member of the V-Crest Dynasty. At Abolishment, he left Tai Kamiya lying in a pool of his own blood, and led the vicious attack on Nazz and D-Generation Ed last week on Monday Night Massacre. It feels like the world of XCW has gone topsy-turvy, and it's all thanks to this man and his vehement vendetta against everyone that crosses his path! What has gone wrong inside the head of Tommy Vercetti?"

Tommy entered the ring above the second rope and stood on a turnbuckle, glaring at the fans in his field of vision with the same expression of discontent before stepping off it and meeting Michael, Franklin and Trevor in the center of the ring with microphones in hand while the crowd continued to dual chant "WE WANT D-ED/YOU ALL SUCK! WE WANT D-ED/YOU ALL SUCK!"

"Nothing, Frylock! And there's a reason for that!" Shake reminded. "It's because The Harwood Butcher, Tommy Vercetti, is on a mission to prove to these idiots in the stands and in the back that they made the biggest mistakes in their lives in thinking he can't go with the likes of Tai! He's a better wrestler and all around fighter than anyone ever wanted to give him credit for just because of his background as a deathmatch wrestler! This man is the most dangerous force in the entire wrestling industry for that reason, and because he fights everyone that makes him angry with the same brutal tenacity that earned him the Hardcore title six times, that EARNED him the Silver Lining briefcase, and that ultimately earned him the most coveted prize in professional wrestling. He doesn't need the fans and the people in the back to like him, all he needs are the Three Crest Empire, the XCW World Heavyweight Championship around his waist, and for any and all challengers to get out of his way!"

Trevor chuckled to himself at the sounds of the crowd before watching Franklin put his microphone up to his mouth.

"You know, a few months back, Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling was a pretty cool company to wrestle for, huh?" Franklin asked aloud. "Tai Kamiya was the XCW World Heavyweight Champion. . .the Knighthood didn't exist. . .D-Generation Ed were the tag team champions. . ."

The crowd EXPLODED with cheers at the mention of their hometown heroes.

". . .and here we are, just a few months after Heatwave. . .man, how things change, huh? As much as Space Ghost wanted to usher in a New Era of XCW after Heatwave. . .sorry dawg, but ya shoulda left that to US, man. You see, M, T and I heard him talk week after week about startin' a New Era full of new fighters, new music and new opportunities. . .and he was RIGHT. But in doing that, he was making a big. . .BIG. . .mistake. . ."

"Damn right, Franklin. . ." Trevor added, ". . .because by allowing the anonymous chairman to sign the three of us to a contract, he was putting US in the driver's seat of this company. And we're gonna be the ones to take it back down to ground zero. . .because what you all see. . .standing in this ring before you now. . ."

Trevor stepped up to Tommy, who glared back at him with a sadistic but satisfied grin on his face.

". . .are THE. FOUR. MOST. DOMINANT. MEN. IN XTREME CARTOON WRESTLING TODAY. . .IN THE PAST. . .AND IN THE FUTURE."

The crowd EXPLODED with boos and chants of, "NO! NO! NO!"

"We will do what we want. . .and believe me, NOBODY can stop The Three Crest Empire. . .OR the V-Crest Dynasty." continued Trevor, as he paced around the ring. "We wanted the XCW World Heavyweight Championship. . .we. . .TOOK IT. We wanted to destroy Tai Kamiya. . .we. . .DID IT."

At this time, Tommy Vercetti raised the XCW World Heavyweight Championship belt high above his head to boos from the crowd.

"WE WANTED TO DESTROY D-GENERATION ED. . .WE. . .DID IT!" Trevor continued, to MORE boos from the crowd. "And when somebody DARED to stand in front of us. . .you ask NAZZ what happens when you try to stop us."

The crowd ERUPTED with more boos and dueling chants of, "WE WANT D-ED/WE WANT NAZZ! WE WANT D-ED/WE WANT NAZZ!"

"And of course, over the past week, we were met by idiots like all of you people that said we went too far. . .but the truth is. . .what happened last week AND at Abolishment, AND at Shockwave was a LONG TIME COMIN'." said Michael. "Because while we were waiting to be called up from developmental, your dumbass degenerates were parading around this company with the XCW Tag Team Championship belts, just like they have in EVERY company in this goddamn industry! They don't take this business SERIOUSLY. They've pulled pranks, told stupid jokes, and have ran some of the dumbest scams that you people fell for over the years. . .the WORST one being PCUW. The Eds ran that promotion so poorly, Pegasus knew to take it outta this piece of crap town after buying 'em out!"

The crowd EXPLODED with more boos before chanting, "P-C-U-DUB!" and clapping five times repeatedly.

"Crying for PCUW ain't gonna bring it back. . .because all we have to give you is a lethal dose of REALITY. . .and that's exactly what we gave D-Generation Ed." added Trevor. "They've went from company to company and gobbled up EVERY title they ever wanted based on their names alone. . .but every journey has an end. Want proof? Look no further than UIW Sacrifice, where Kevin beat their self-entitled leader Eddy, and sent 'em packing! But it won't take Steiner math to understand that that was just the beginning. Their material's gotten stale, and Michael, Franklin and I are gonna be the ones to finally put the Eds out to pasture. So Ed, Edd, Eddy, Rolf AND Nazz. . .if any of you are watching this, I'll give you ONE warning and ONE WARNING ONLY. . .BEWARE. . .OF THE EMPIRE. . .because whether you like it or not, your time is up. . .

. . .

. . .and our DYNASTY has BEGUN."

The crowd booed once Trevor finished speaking. . .only to boo even louder once Tommy put his microphone up to his mouth.

"Y'know, ever since last week, people have come up to me asking why I did what I did to Nazz. . .so if you want answers, I suggest you SHUT THE HELL UP," Tommy demanded, to boos from the crowd.

"No wonder D-Generation Ed lives here. . .you people don't know how to listen." continued Tommy. "Just like Nazz did when I ran into her last Monday. She had the audacity to confront me and declare that I don't care about holding THIS. . ."

Tommy raised the blood-stained XCW World Heavyweight Championship belt high above his head.

"And EVERY chair shot that I landed across her goddamn body and the heads of D-Generation Ed was a means of sending a message: the message being that I DO care. I'm willing to do EVERYTHING I CAN, EVERYTHING I WANT, EVERYTHING I MUST to keep this belt on my shoulder, because you people had no faith in me as soon as I set foot in an XCW ring. You saw me as nothing more than a hardcore wrestler. You didn't think I could last bell-to-bell against Tai Kamiya. . .but I DID, and you STILL doubted me. And the absolute LAST THING you wanna do when the world doubts me. . .is cross my path. That's EXACTLY what Nazz did. She was a ditzy, dumbass of a woman that didn't know any better, and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then she had the nerve to crawl on top of Eddy, and think that I would show her and her friends some mercy. . .when she should have thought TWICE. Because I don't want ANYBODY to think I'm not a heartless bastard. . .because I AM. And I am the XCW World Heavyweight Champion. And AS the XCW World Heavyweight Champion. . .I will TELL you when we have gone too far. I will tell you when it is too much! I will tell you when we cross the line! It will not be over, it will not be done, it will not be too much until WE say so! Until the Three Crest Empire says so. . .and most importantly. . .until I SAY SO. Because the anonymous chairman can get us EVERYTHING WE WANT. . .WHENEVER WE WANT IT, and there isn't a single soul backstage that can stop ME. . .or THE EMPIRE. . .OR OUR DYNASTY-"

All of a sudden, Tommy was interrupted by-

"ARE YOU READY?"

And the crowd EXPLODED with cheers as Tommy lowered his microphone and looked towards the stage with a furious expression on his face while "Stoopid Ass" by Grand Theft Audio played from the beginning.

"You think you can tell us what to do? You think you can tell us what to wear? You think that you're better?"

The drums kicked in on the song.

"Well you better get ready. . .bow to the masters. . ."

Records scratch on the song - "BREAK IT DOWN!"

Once the heavy guitars kicked on, pyro exploded on the stage and Double D jumped onto the stage from below it, to an EXPLOSION of deafening cheers from the fans! But The Sockhead wasn't all smiles tonight, evidenced by the scowl on his face as he strode down the ramp.

"And to a standing ovation comes down The Sockhead of D-Generation Ed and Peach Creek's favorite son, Double D!" Frylock informed. "From the look on his face, he's had enough of Tommy Vercetti and the Three Crest Empire throwing their weight around tonight, and quite frankly, so am I!"

Double D circled the ring toward the timekeeper's booth, where he grabbed a microphone before entering the ring.

"Well, at least one positive outta this interruption is that Double D gets to be reunited with his friends in the hospital soon, because he's crossing Tommy's path, Frylock!" Shake said. "And you heard what Tommy just said: if you enter his field of vision at a point where the world's turned his back on him, you're getting a beating unlike any other! Besides, there's FOUR of them and only ONE of Double D! This gap-toothed freak is a sitting duck, and we're gonna watch him get bent into a pretzel before our very eyes in his own home town! This is gonna be GREAT!"

"CUT MY MUSIC!" exclaimed Double D, upon which, his entrance music faded out. "I cannot tolerate the asinine drivel coming from each of your respective mouths any longer And I. . .have a BONE to pick with you, Mister Vercetti. . ."

Tommy chuckled to himself and tilted his head to a side in bemused interest as Double D entered the ring over the second rope.

"Because this night has been a night my comrades and I were looking forward to when it was booked months ago. . ." informed Double D, ". . .returning to Peach Creek to wrestle in front of all our hometown fans and PCUW regulars alike for a major promotion was a lifelong dream of ours to achieve together. And right now, I want to make one thing perfectly clear: it still feels wonderful to be back in front of all of you, and to have received such a warm ovation! It's heartwarming to know you have no hard feelings for us after selling our ownership of PCUW to the likes of Pegasus and Marina Coleman. We had to do it in order to save the company. . .and to give the child that was the wrestling promotion we birthed into existence the breath of fresh air it needed. We still love you as much as you love us!"

The crowd cheered before dual chants of, "D-ED/WOOP WOOP! D-ED/WOOP WOOP!" to a MASSIVE eye roll from Tommy Vercetti.

"And we would love nothing more than to beat these rapscallions senseless and achieve our vengeance together as a team," continued Double D, ". . .but last week, all four of these psychopaths assaulted Eddy, Ed AND Nazz with steel chairs as well as their finishing maneuvers! You four claim there's no one here to stop you from taking Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling to ground zero. . .but I implore you to think again. Because if I were with my stablemates at ringside last week, I would have stopped your attacks before they started! But since I was recovering from injuries suffered at the hands of YOU THREE. . ."

Double D pointed at the Three Crest Empire for effect.

". . .I wasn't there. I intend to confront you three the second my friends Ed and Eddy have recovered. We are the furthest thing from glory hogs, and we are more intent on success in this industry than ANY of you think. We became the prolific, decorated journeymen that we are today through a unique sense of humor, energetic fighting style, and boundless charisma. And I am going to make you all witness that for YOURSELVES. . .because I am out here NOW. . .longing to enact JUSTICE. The method to do such is to challenge YOU, Mister Vercetti. . .for YOUR GLORY. I wish to fight you right here in my hometown of Peach Creek. . .for the XCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. . .TONIGHT, ON MONDAY NIGHT MASSACRE!"

"WOAH! ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Frylock exclaimed, as the crowd popped with excitement.

"What the hell is this guy SMOKING?" Shake wondered, as a smirk appeared on Tommy's face.

"You. . .heh. . .you. . .wanna fight ME. . .for my XCW World Heavyweight Championship. . .?" repeated Tommy.

"PRECISELY." replied Double D. . .

. . .

. . .to chuckles from Tommy that very quickly progressed to laughter into his microphone.

"Heh. . .heh heh. . .heh ha ha ha. . .HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't believe what I'm hearing right now!" cackled Tommy. ". . .you're the best this company has to offer? I just beat Tai Kamiya on my own in the main event of Abolishment. . .and THIS is the best new challenger I have to offer. . .?"

Double D's gaze turned toward Trevor, who was muttering something under his breath in The Sockhead's direction, only to snap back toward Tommy when the Harwood Butcher shouted,

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!"

The crowd EXPLODED with boos at Tommy's treatment of Double D while the Harwood Butcher walked around him in a circle.

"No offense, Double D. . .but you're not in my caliber. Look at ya. . .you're PATHETIC. You don't have the strength to last a minute in the ring against me. You don't have the stamina. . .or the body type. What the hell possessed you to come out here and confront me? You're not a man. . .you're a scrawny, gap-toothed LOSER that'll NEVER make it on his own without his friends."

The crowd booed Tommy as Double D looked down at his feet, brooding with anger.

"But I'll tell you one thi-look at me when I talk to you…." demanded Tommy in a low voice, to a look of FURY from Double D. "Lemme tell you one thing, in that way. . .you remind me of somebody. . ."

". . .does his name rhyme with Maude Reed. . .?" asked Double D, to an explosion of "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" from the crowd, and a frozen look of tension from Tommy.

"NO. . .you remind me of Tai Kamiya. You're both spineless. . .you're both domesticated. . .and you're both BOYS that THINK you're men. You both think you're better than me. . .you both have a look of arrogance in your eyes. But every time I see that look in ANYONE'S eyes, I beat 'em until they've rolled back into their head. I did it to your friends. . .I did it to Nazz. . .I did it to Tai. . .and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. . .I enjoyed it. So you know what, Double D. . .I'm gonna humor you. You can talk about how many tag titles you won in PCUW, CWF and here in XCW, and you can talk about how many companies you've wrestled in all you want, but I know DAMN well that I'm the best and most dangerous World Champion in this business today and I'm gonna PROVE IT. . .by making an example of you. I'm gonna beat you until your eyes roll back into your head, and you're laying in a pool of your own blood. Because tonight. . .in your hometown. . .

. . .

. . .you've GOT your World title match."

The crowd erupted with cheers of surprise and delight, but Double D didn't let that phase or distract him from staring Tommy down with a furious look on his face.

"But just know. . .it'll be the last one you ever receive. Because my name is Tommy Vercetti. . .and I'm here. . .to raise. . .HELL." finished Tommy, before flicking the microphone into Double D's chest, and leading The Three Crest Empire out of the ring.

Trevor flipped off Double D, leaving The Sockhead alone in the ring to look up the ramp at the V-Crest Dynasty with a furious expression on his face until the show transitioned to a commercial break.

---

As XCW Monday Night Massacre returned from break, Frylock and Master Shake were sitting at their announcer's desk.

"We're back live here on XCW Monday Night Massacre, and Shake, we have gotten off to yet another electric start tonight!" Frylock informed. "Tommy and the Three Crest Empire were throwing their weight around and said that they attacked D-Generation Ed in the ways they have in the past two months for different reasons: The Three Crest Empire did because they were tired of their schtick, while Tommy did it because they were simply in his way!"

"Yeah, but like an idiot, a newly-recovered Double D wasn't gonna stand for it, and challenged Tommy Vercetti to a match for his XCW World Heavyweight Championship tonight in our main event!" Shake added. "But the Harwood Butcher accepted it, because he didn't see much of a challenge, he only saw another Tai Kamiya! I gotta tell ya Frylock, it's gonna be fun to witness a murder in our main event in Double D's hometown tonight!"

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that, Shake. . ." Frylock called, ". . .and let's hope one participant gets exactly what she's hoping for in our first match of the night!"

"Hell of a segue, Frylock. . ." quipped Shake, before the show transitioned to the arena, where Carl Brutanandilewski stood in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand.

"The following one-on-one contest is scheduled for one fall!"

"Outcast" by Palisade played to cheers from the crowd as Eilonwy twirled onto the stage, her eyes wide with excitement and anticipation upon seeing and hearing the crowd's warm reception for her.

"Introducing first. . .making her Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling debut. . .from The Kingdom of Llyr. . .she is "The Forgotten Princess". . .PRINCESS EIIIIIIILOOOOOONWYYYYYYYY!"

Eilonwy skipped down the ramp, greeting and giving high fives to the fans along the barricade on her way down.

"This match came about shortly after Princess Eilonwy visited Disnevolution during the Abolishment pay-per-view event," informed Frylock. "Reportedly, when she and Disnevolution were on the roster for Liberty City Wrestling, our developmental promotion, Eilonwy would constantly and persistently ask Merida if she would make her into the fifth member of the rising stable, because of all the Disney Princesses, Eilonwy is often considered the red-headed stepchild of them all. The Forgotten Princess said when I spoke with her before we went on air that she does want to become XCW Women's Champion at some point during her career, but she wants acceptance from her peers first and foremost! There's something very noble and endearing about that, in my opinion."

Eilonwy slid into the ring under the bottom rope and curtseyed in the direction of the fans upon standing in the center of the ring.

"Noble, my ass." dismissed Shake. "If she cares more about being in some goddamn girl's club than the XCW Women's Championship, then that title ain't even worth a New Taiwanese cent, let alone the American penny it's already worth now! Besides, what the hell do Disney princesses do between matches, anyway? Paint their nails? Compare dress sizes? Trade ideas for world domination? Draw hearts around ugly teen heartthrobs in girly magazines? I'd rather dry heave into my toilet all night than do any of that, and Eilonwy's an immature idiot for thinking that's more important than being the best wrestler in any company! Then again, she came from a faction in the indies led by Venus De Freakin' MILO, so I shouldn't expect anything less, huh?"

"Brackish" by Kittie played as Peach strutted down the ramp to a chorus of boos. As she walked, she motioned her hands over her waist and taunted the crowd, shouting "TONIGHT IS MY NIGHT!"

"And her opponent. . .from the Mushroom Kingdom. . .PRINCESS PEACH TOADSTOOL!"

Peach blew a kiss down the ramp to the referee before strutting down it, wiping her feet on the apron and stepping into the ring.

"Nevertheless, while Princess Eilonwy is making her wrestling debut for XCW tonight, her opponent, Princess Peach, is making her XCW return after recovering from the injuries she suffered fighting for the Women's Championship in a Hardcore match at Heatwave!" informed Frylock. "So when Disnevolution gave Eilonwy the ultimatum that she'd be allowed into the faction if she beat an opponent of their choosing, Peach rose to the occasion because with an upcoming match at Equal Pain against Nami, Peach is looking to start her return on the right track by what she's considering a tune-up match. But I have a feeling that Eilonwy is going to not only surprise these fans, but also the former 2-time XCW Women's Champion that is her opponent here tonight!"

Peach climbed to the top of a turnbuckle and blew another kiss toward the commentator's booth, and to the press box, while Eilonwy looked up at her from her corner with a focused look of confidence.

"Even if she does win, she'll have only beaten a porcelain skeleton in a dress." Shake dismissed. "I know I was all in on Princess Peach when she was Women's Champion, but our women's division is full of a buncha fossils, upstarts and incompetent bimbos, so OF COURSE Peach was able to win the title twice! And I heard a rumor that she's also planning on entering the women's tag team division with another princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Daisy, because she can't go for too long in matches anymore! Peach is gonna get shattered into a million pieces sooner rather than later thanks to our health hazard of a champion, so if Eilonwy does the impossible and actually gets the victory against her tonight, or if Nami gets the win at Equal Pain, there'll be an asterisk next to one or BOTH of those victories from now until the end of time!"

"We'll find out if the statistician NEEDS to do that momentarily, Shake. . ." Frylock said, as the bell rang and the match began with Peach taunting Eilonwy from her corner, shouting, "GIMME YOUR BEST SHOT!" while waving her hands toward herself. The Forgotten Princess then flashed a confident smirk back at Peach before charging forward and pummeling her in the face and chest with swift right and left strikes!

"And right from the get-go, Eilonwy is unloading on Princess Peach!" Frylock called. "What strikes from The Forgotten Princess!"

Eilonwy continued to strike Peach with right hands before pulling her out of the corner and slugging her with a European uppercut before dropping her with a snapmare and locking her in a chin lock. Peach tried to pull herself up with the hold still cinched in and Irish whip her into the corner but Eilonwy bounced out of it with a jumping double leg dropkick! Peach hit the corner behind her after the impact, just in time for Eilonwy to kip up and drop The Mushroom Kingdom Princess with a jawbreaker! Eilonwy went for the cover 1. . .2. . .Peach kicked out! Eilonwy pulled Peach up by her top and hit her in the face with a three-punch combination followed by a high knee that sent the Mushroom Kingdom Princess onto the ring apron. Peach pulled herself up with the ropes only for Eilonwy to hit her between the ropes with a shoulder thrust before taking her over the ropes with a gutwrench suplex that took her from the apron all the way back to the center of the ring! Eilonwy went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Peach kicked out!

Eilonwy pulled Peach up and went for another right hand, only for Peach to catch it and lock The Forgotten Princess in a wrist-lock and nailing her in the shoulder with a bionic elbow! Peach then put Eilonwy in a front face lock only for Eilonwy to drive her against the ropes, but Peach hit her in the back of the head with another bionic elbow, sending her reeling away from The Mushroom Kingdom Princess. Peach then charged toward Eilonwy and leapt up to take her down with a backstabber before running against the ropes and baseball sliding right into the side of Eilonwy's head! Peach went for the cover 1. . .2. . .Eilonwy kicked out! Peach pulled Eilonwy up by the hair and Irish whipped her into a corner before nailing her in the face with a running elbow smash, followed by a hair pull whip into the center of the ring! Peach then viciously stomped on Eilonwy's body, finishing off her assault with a jumping knee drop! The Mushroom Kingdom Princess then went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Eilonwy kicked out!

"Eilonwy and Peach have been primarily exchanging strikes in the early goings of this match!" Frylock observed. "Who will gain the upper hand in this battle of brawlers from different generations of wrestling?"

Peach pulled Eilonwy up by the hair and slapped her VICIOUSLY across the face to massive boos from the crowd, only for Eilonwy to respond with a throat thrust, then a knee right between the eyes! Eilonwy then lifted Peach off her feet for a vertical suplex. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY TO TAKE HER DOWN WITH AN ELEVATED SWINGING NECKBREAKER!

"What a devastating maneuver from Eilonwy!" Frylock called. "She's pulling out a big move to change the pace in her debut match!"

"More like she's trying to end Peach's career!" Shake snapped. "You saw how nasty that looked! Eilonwy's greener than Carl's vomit!"

Eilonwy then ran against the ropes and landed a jumping 360 leg drop before going for another cover! 1. . .2. . .Peach kicked out! Eilonwy rose up to her feet and strode toward a corner, where she climbed up to the top turnbuckle!

"The fans are already on their feet for The Forgotten Princess, who wants to make sure they, Princess Peach, and Disnevolution never forget her debut!" observed Frylock, as the fans rose up to a standing position while Eilonwy sized Peach up, watching her slowly but surely rise to her feet. . .

. . .

. . .before leaping off the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND TAKING HER DOWN WITH A FLYING CROSSBODY BLOCK!

"THE CROSSBODY BLOCK CONNECTS!" Frylock exclaimed, as Eilonwy crawled on top of Peach for the cover, hooking both legs! 1. . .2. . .Peach kicked out!

"NOOOOO! Eilonwy was so close!" Frylock said, as Eilonwy sat up with an aghast look on her face, before snapping her fingers with a scowl of disappointment on her face.

"What will Eilonwy pull out from her sleeves next as she tries to get into Disnevolution?" Frylock wondered. "We'll find out when we come back from a quick trip into our restaurant quality picture-in-picture!"

Eilonwy stood up and pulled Peach up by her top and started to slug her with another three-punch combination before the show transitioned to later in the match, where Peach had Eilonwy down in the center of the ring, locked in the Royal Stretch (Indian Death Lock/Cobra Twist)!

"We're back live here on Monday Night Massacre ladies and gentlemen, and if you're looking for one of the most gutsy debuts we've ever had here in XCW's first year of existence, look no further than The Forgotten Princess, Eilonwy's performance here tonight!" Frylock said. "During the break, Eilonwy continued on the offensive with an onslaught of strikes and textbook technical wrestling, such as when Peach had Eilonwy up for a gutbuster, only for Eilonwy to make an amazing counter into a tornado DDT, and another instance where Peach and Eilonwy were chain wrestling until Peach lifted Eilonwy up as she stood up from a kneeling position into a standing fireman's carry, but Eilonwy countered it into a beautiful reverse hurricanrana! Eilonwy's been wrestling so well, that Peach has resorted to underhanded tactics to get ahead, like an eye poke that stopped The Forgotten Princess in her tracks when she went for a spear! Now Peach has Eilonwy locked into a new modified abdominal stretch, and the Forgotten Princess has nowhere to go, but she's won the hearts of these Peach Creek fans here tonight, and they could very well will her into a victory, but also into Disnevolution!"

"Yeah! Nowhere to go but back to developmental!" Shake quipped. "Eilonwy's a sitting duck with nowhere to go, Frylock! Peach has too much experience to know how to defeat this obscure idiot! And of course these morons are enamored by her, because this is the first wrestling match that's crossed into Peach Creek since the PCUW era! They'll cheer for ANYBODY!"

Eilonwy extended her arm out toward one of the ropes, but to no avail as the fans exploded with chants of, "EILONWY! EILONWY! EILONWY!" But she faltered once again, wincing in agonizing pain from her predicament. The referee knelt down and asked The Forgotten Princess if she wanted to quit. Eilonwy shook her head no, but remained trapped in the Royal Stretch, letting out a scream of agony!

"This town was NAMED after Princess Peach, Frylock!" Shake exclaimed. "And by God, after she scores this victory, these morons are gonna build a statue in her likeness! This is one hell of a return match for the Mushroom Kingdom Princess!"

The fans continued to chant for Eilonwy. . .but The Forgotten Princess started to go limp! The referee started to raise her arm, but Peach. . .

. . .

. . .let go of the hold. . .?

"Wait a minute. . .what the hell is Peach doing? She has this match well in hand!" Frylock wondered, as Peach drug Eilonwy by the arm toward a nearby corner. . .

. . .

. . .before climbing up to the top rope!

"She wants to put Eilonwy out of her misery, Frylock! And she wants to do it with STYLE!"

The crowd had exploded with boos when Peach made it to the top turnbuckle, but The Mushroom Kingdom Princess rocked her fists in front of her eyes in a crying motion, mocking their displeasure. Peach then rose up to a standing position. . .

. . .

. . .before leaping off the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND MISSING THE SUPER MARIO SPLASH AFTER EILONWY ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!

"BAH GAWD SHAKE!" Frylock exclaimed. "Peach just fell victim to her own hubris! She went for the jugular in the form of her husband Mario's finishing maneuver, but in doing so, gave Eilonwy another chance at life! Now both women are down!"

"Big deal. Either Mario needs a new finishing move, or Peach is too old to even use it anymore. It's a miracle she didn't shatter into a million pieces after the fall!" Shake declared, as Eilonwy slowly but surely pulled herself up to a standing position with the ropes while Peach was clenching her ribs on the mat, wincing in pain from the impact! Eilonwy then charged toward Peach and pulled her up by her top before slugging her with a three-punch combination, then pulled her up to a standing fireman's carry before running forward and dropping Peach on her back with a rolling fireman's carry slam! But The Forgotten Princess would follow that up by running against the ropes and crushing Peach's ribs with a running double foot stomp!

"And Eilonwy is taking advantage of Peach's weakness!" Frylock called. "Her torso is a definite weak spot!"

"How about ya hit her in the bust? That'll make watching this match easier to stomach." Shake declared, as Eilonwy slipped on top of Peach for a cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .PEACH KICKED OUT! Eilonwy stood up not phased in the slightest, striding toward a nearby corner and stood on the middle rope waiting for Peach to rise up to a standing position. . .

. . .

. . .SO EILONWY COULD WHIP HER ACROSS THE RING WITH A DRAGONRANA!

"That was a Sora Takenouchi-esque Dragonrana from The Forgotten Princess!" Frylock said. "Peach surely remembers how that move feels-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough with the memory puns. They got old with the first one." Shake groaned, as Peach staggered up to her feet, pulling herself with the ropes on both sides of a middle turnbuckle before turning around-

. . .

-AND GETTING KNOCKED DOWN BY A SPEAR FROM EILONWY!

"BAH GAWD WHAT A SPEAR FROM THE FORGOTTEN PRINCESS!" Frylock yelled. "Eilonwy may have broken Peach smack dab in half!"

"SEND THE BITCH BACK TO DEVELOPMENTAL!" Shake demanded. "Disnevolution can't let this inexperienced ditz into their group!"

"They may have to, Shake!" reminded Frylock. "Because Eilonwy's got the cover!"

Indeed, Eilonwy had pulled both of Peach's legs up, hooking them for a pin attempt! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 PEACH KICKED OUT! EILONWY COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!

"NOOOOOO! PEACH STILL HAS SIGNS OF LIFE!" Frylock yelled, as Eilonwy punched the mat with frustration. Eilonwy pulled Peach up by her dress and went for another right hand, only for Peach to catch it and maneuver around to Eilonwy's back to drop her with a reverse DDT! Peach then pulled Eilonwy up by the hair and gripped her by her dress to lift her off her feet for a chokebomb. . .

. . .but Eilonwy countered it into a Frankensteiner that caused Peach to stumble toward a corner. . .

. . .

. . .AND HIT THE RING POST BETWEEN THE TURNBUCKLES SHOULDER-FIRST!

"OOOOOOOOH! Peach hit that harder than Matt did Sora during their relationship!" Shake exclaimed, as the Mushroom Kingdom Princess winced in pain from the impact while Eilonwy pulled her out of the corner. . .

. . .

. . .BUT PEACH DROPPED HER WITH A RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Peach went for a quick cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach shot up from the cover with a look of fury on her face.

"Peach thought she had the match won, but there is no quit in Princess Eilonwy!" Frylock observed, as Peach pulled The Forgotten Princess up by the hair before lifting her off her feet by the throat to drop her with a Chokebomb! Peach went for another cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach shot up from the pin attempt, eyes wide in disbelief!

"Eilonwy just will NOT stay down!" Shake shouted. "Is she a glutton for punishment?"

"She's driven by the desire to be somebody in this industry!" Frylock responded. "And to Eilonwy, that is being a recognized Disney Princess!"

Peach pulled Eilonwy up by the hair and slapped her in the chest with two consecutive open palmed strikes, then went for a third only for Eilonwy to parry it with her right arm! Eilonwy then fired back with a three-punch combination that backed Peach up against the ropes. The Forgotten Princess then Irish whipped Peach across the ring, only for The Mushroom Kingdom Princess to counter it with an Irish whip of her own! Eilonwy bounced off the ropes and right into a rolling suplex from Peach! But the Mushroom Kingdom Princess retained her grip on Eilonwy, keeping her in a headlock on her way up to a standing position. Peach then lifted Eilonwy off her feet. . .and dropped her with a SECOND rolling suplex! But with all her might, Peach pulled The Forgotten Princess back up, and picked her off the ground one more time. . .

. . .

. . .AND COMPLETED THE TRIFECTA OF ROLLING SUPLEXES!

"PEACH JUST GAINED THREE EXTRA LIVES WITH THAT 3-UP!" Frylock called. "WILL IT BE ENOUGH TO GAIN THE VICTORY?"

Peach then rolled onto Eilonwy for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach stood up and IMMEDIATELY got in the referee's match, insisting that the count was three!

"Now Peach is disputing the results with the referee!" Frylock called. "She doesn't like having to change course!"

"She shouldn't HAVE TO, Frylock! Princess Peach is the epitome of ROYALTY, Frylock! And when something doesn't go her way, she lets everyone know about it!"

"So you're saying in another life, her name is Karen?" asked Frylock, while the referee enforced his count of 2.5. Peach rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration before turning around to face Eilonwy. . .

. . .

. . .WHO TOOK HER BACK DOWN WITH A HIGH KNEE RIGHT BETWEEN HER EYES!

"And this Karen may have just gotten laid the heck out by The Forgotten Princess!" Frylock yelled, as Eilonwy pulled Peach up by her top and struck her with a chop! Eilonwy continued to slap Peach in the chest with chop after chop until she parried one with her right arm and followed that up with a kick to Eilonwy's gut. Peach then twisted Eilonwy around for a neckbreaker, only for Eilonwy to counter and leave Peach laying in a crumbled heap with a snap dragon suplex! Eilonwy then ran the ropes and landed a missile dropkick into Peach's chest that reeled her closer to the ropes! The Forgotten Princess went for the cover! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .PEACH DRAPED HER FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE, FORCING THE REFEREE TO STOP THE COUNT! Eilonwy stood up more annoyed, if anything, before running against the ropes in front of her and landing a running senton onto Peach's back-

-or, she WOULD HAVE, if Peach didn't raise her knees, causing Eilonwy to hit them back-first! The Forgotten Princess landed onto her chest, clenching her lower back in pain until Peach pulled her up by the hair and took her down with an STO! Peach went for the cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach pulled her up by the hair again and lifted her up for a pumphandle slam. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR EILONWY TO COUNTER IT WITH A TORNADO DDT! The Forgotten Princess then pulled Peach back up and hooked her leg. . .

. . .

. . .BEFORE DROPPING HER WITH A SWINGING FISHERMAN'S SUPLEX!

"WHAT A SWINGING FISHERMAN'S SUPLEX FROM EILONWY! She's matching Peach's desire for a win with devastating maneuvers!"

"Gimme a break, Frylock! What's devastating to Disney girls can only put down CHILDREN and nobody else!" dismissed Shake.

"We'll see if Peach is the exception to that rule!" assured Frylock, as Eilonwy went for the cover! "Will Eilonwy be a full-fledged member of Disnevolution?"

The referee made the count 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.75 PEACH KICKED OUT! Eilonwy rose up from the cover, resting in the corner and looking up at the lights in utter confusion as the fans chanted, "EILONWY! EILONWY!"

"Eilonwy has won the hearts of the XCW faithful here in her debut match, but she wants to win the hearts of Disnevolution with a hard fought victory tonight!" Frylock said. "And she's wondering in her heart of hearts what else she has to do to get it?"

"If she can't beat this has-been Peach, this women's division is a bigger joke than I thought. And I thought it was a friggin joke LAST WEEK!"

"You ALWAYS think it's a joke, Shake. You don't give these women ANY credit." deadpanned Frylock.

"I'll give 'em credit after they make me a sandwich and show me some skin. Scout's honor!" Shake assured, as Eilonwy burst out of the corner and backflipped off Peach as she made it to a standing position. The Forgotten Princess then hit Peach with a series of right handed strikes that backed her into a corner. Eilonwy then went for a kick to the midsection. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR PEACH TO CATCH IT AND SWING IT TO THE SIDE! The counter caused Eilonwy to spin around so that her back was facing Peach. . .

. . .

. . .who lifted Eilonwy onto one of her shoulders and took her down in the center of the ring with a running pumphandle slam! Peach went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach punched the mat in frustration!

"NO! HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?" Frylock exclaimed.

"A better question is, how bad of a decision was that kickout?" Shake wondered. "Peach is about to go postal!"

Indeed, Peach stood up with a crazed smile on her face, pulling Eilonwy up by the hair before lifting her up for what looked like a fallaway slam. . .

. . .

. . .BUT WAS ACTUALLY A REVERSE GUTWRENCH TAKEDOWN THAT SENT EILONWY FLYING INTO THE MIDDLE TURNBUCKLE OF A CORNER BEHIND HER!

"OH MY GOD!" Frylock exclaimed. "PEACH HAS GOT THE CRAZY EYES! SHE'S GOING BERSERK ON POOR EILONWY RIGHT NOW!"

"That's what you get for robbing the rich of what she wants, and what Peach wants is a VICTORY!" Shake declared, as Peach pulled Eilonwy up by the arm, staring her down with an incensed look on her face. . .

. . .

. . .before hooking her arm. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPING HER WITH AN INVERTED OVERDRIVE!

"PEACH MAY HAVE DISLOCATED EILONWY'S SHOULDER AND BROKE HER BACK WITH THAT INVERTED OVERDRIVE!" Frylock cried. "WILL SHE HAVE EARNED THE VICTORY, TOO?"

"Eilonwy's health and well-being died for a good cause, Frylock." Shake said, "because Peach is proving tonight exactly why she's Royal A.F.!"

Peach went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .EILONWY KICKED OUT! Peach shot up from the cover, eyes wide in shock as she moaned under her teeth and pulled on her hair in anger!

"Peach may be royal AF, but she's royally psychotic, too!" Frylock said. "What the hell else is she gonna do to Eilonwy just to earn her first XCW victory since returning from injury?"

"By giving Eilonwy the punishment she deserves, Frylock!" Shake responded, as Peach pulled The Forgotten Princess up by the hair and shouted, "NO ONE. . .WILL REMEMBER YOU!" off-mic in her face, before following it up with, "They'll remember THIS. . ."

With that, Peach nailed Eilonwy HARD in the gut before placing Eilonwy's head between her legs for a powerbomb. . .

. . .

. . .BUT EILONWY CHARGED FORWARD, DRIVING PEACH INTO A NEARBY CORNER!

"WAIT A MINUTE! EILONWY CAPITALIZED! PEACH SPENT MORE TIME SHOWBOATING THAN SHE DID FIGHTING!" Frylock yelled.

"Goddammit, our women's division gets distracted by EVERYTHING!" shouted Shake, as Eilonwy pulled Peach into the center of the ring. . .

. . .

. . .put her in a side headlock before motioning a hand gesture to the fans, who cheered in response. . .

. . .

. . .as she twisted Peach around. . .

. . .

. . .TO DROP HER ON HER HEAD WITH THE SPINNING LLYR-NO!

Peach shoved Eilonwy into the referee, knocking him down!

"OH NO! The referee is down! There's no one to keep order in this one-on-one match!" Frylock screamed.

"Thanks, Captain Redundancy." deadpanned Shake. "Now hopefully we see some blood and boobs in that very ring!"

Eilonwy looked down at the incapacitated referee in concern until Peach caught her in a waist-lock and lifted her up. . .

. . .

. . .BUT EILONWY FELL OUT OF IT BEHIND HER! The Forgotten Princess then hooked Peach's arms. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPED PEACH ON HER HEAD WITH THE SPINNING LLYR!

"EILONWY JUST CONNECTED WITH THE SPINNING LLYR!" Frylock exclaimed. "That Spinning Impaler has knocked out plenty of women on the independent scene, and now it just knocked out Princess Peach Toadstool!"

"Ohhhhhhh God, Eilonwy's gonna cramp Merida and Rapunzel's style in Disnevolution!" groaned Shake. "This can't be happening!"

Eilonwy then ran against the ropes behind her and bounced back. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR DAISY TO GRAB HER FOOT AND TRIP HER UP FROM THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!

"WAIT A MINUTE! THERE'S DAISY!" Frylock exclaimed. "WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM?"

Eilonwy whipped around to stare Daisy down with an angry look on her face, but The Sarasaland Princess raised her arms in protest as if she was an innocent bystander. Eilonwy then turned her attention back to Peach. . .

. . .

. . .WHO SLAPPED HER VICIOUSLY ACROSS THE FACE BEFORE POKING HER WITH A THUMB THE EYE!

"Eilonwy didn't like Daisy's involvement in her debut match one bit. . .and I DAMN SURE don't like this!" Frylock shouted. "THE REFEREE ISN'T SEEING ANY OF THIS!"

"Peach is ROYALTY, Frylock! Let her do what she wants!" Shake said, as the crowd exploded with boos while Peach kicked Eilonwy in the midsection! The Mushroom Kingdom Princess then raised The Forgotten Princess high above her head. . .

. . .

. . .BEFORE DROPPING HER ON THE MAT WITH THE PEACH PIT!

"NOOOOOO! Eilonwy had this match won until Daisy got involved, and thanks to her underhanded tactics, Peach may have laid out The Forgotten Princess with that Jackknife Powerbomb!"

"Eilonwy brought this on herself, Frylock! She doesn't fight on Peach and Daisy's level! Her royalty doesn't hold a candle to those in the Mushroom Kingdom, or ANYWHERE else, for that matter!"

Peach went for the cover, hooking the leg as the referee woke back up to make the count! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .3!

"And this match. . .is sadly over. . ." Frylock stated, as the crowd exploded with boos while Peach stood back up, splaying her arms and flashing a wide, toothy smile after the bell rang!

"The winner of this match. . .PRINCESS PEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAACH TOOOOOOOOOOOOADSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

The referee raised Peach's arm in victory while Daisy slipped into the ring behind them and began stomping a mudhole into Eilonwy's chest!

"Oh for the love of God, enough is enough!" Frylock exclaimed, as Peach ripped her arm out of the referee's grasp and shouted "GET OUT OF MY RING!" before joining Daisy in mudhole stomping Eilonwy to MASSIVE boos from the crowd!

"YOU WON THE GODDAMN MATCH, PEACH! THERE'S NO NEED FOR THIS!" Frylock shouted. "SOMEBODY STOP THIS ONSLAUGHT!"

"Peach has a message to send to Nami and the XCW officials that booked her and Daisy out of the Women's Tag Team Championship tournament: don't sleep on me, because I'll knock you out with a royal PUNCH! As far as I'm concerned, these two can keep this fight going!" Shake said. "YEAH! My straw's getting stiffer by the second!"

"I hope the censors were able to bleep that out in time…" Frylock said to himself, "...just as much as I hope somebody comes to the aid of Eilonwy-AND SURE ENOUGH!"

Peach had lifted Eilonwy onto her shoulders by the hair while Daisy climbed up to the top rope and was about to hit her with a spinning uppercut. . .

. . .

. . .BUT THE FANS STARTED TO CHEER WHEN NAMI SPRINTED DOWN THE RAMP!

"HERE COMES NAMI!" Frylock exclaimed, as Nami slid into the ring under the bottom rope and brought Peach down with a chop block! Eilonwy landed on her chest once Peach started to waver, while Daisy stepped off the top rope and ran toward Nami spinning around for a discus uppercut. . .

. . .

. . .BUT NAMI CAUGHT HER AND TOOK HER DOWN WITH A CODEBREAKER!

"THE NAVIGATION EXPERT IS MAKING THE SAVE FOR EILONWY!" Frylock shouted, as Peach rolled out of the ring under the bottom rope while Nami rolled Daisy onto her back and slugged her with a series of right hands to the face! The Navigation Expert then pulled Daisy up by the hair and threw her over the ropes and down to the ringside floor.

"Is she taking care of herself, Frylock?" Shake wondered. "Dear GOD, she's thinner than a bulimia patient!"

Nami knelt down and helped Eilonwy to her knees, asking if she was okay off-mic. The Forgotten Princess nodded and said 'Thank you' off-mic, but Nami would acknowledge that later, because she had stood up and asked the timekeeper for a microphone, while Peach checked on Daisy at the foot of the ramp.

"I wouldn't go that far, but it makes Peach's recent mix-up all the more confusing." Frylock added. "Regardless, Nami looks to be a house of fire that ignites with everything Princess Peach does! What else does she have to say to her?"

"What's the matter, Princess? I thought you were Royal A.F.! You were the one to challenge ME to Equal Pain in the first place, but you don't wanna fight me NOW? Well, that's too bad, because to tell you the truth. . .I don't wanna wait two more weeks to get my hands on you, Eilonwy has something to prove, and you and Daisy wanna show this company that you should have been a part of the Women's Tag Team Championship tournament. So how about this. . .you two versus Eilonwy and I in a tag team match NEXT WEEK, and THEN we'll see who knows what they're talking about!"

The crowd cheered with excitement as Peach and Daisy shouted fighting words off-mic in Nami's direction as they nodded in agreement!

"Well, Shake, it's official! Nami officially makes her wrestling debut in an XCW ring next week in a tag team match between herself and Eilonwy against Royal AF!" Frylock informed. "We could very well get a preview of her singles match with The Mushroom Kingdom Princess at Equal Pain!"

"Remind me to get catering during that match." Shake deadpanned, as Nami and Eilonwy stared down Peach and Daisy with malicious glares on their faces until the show transitioned to the backstage area, where Daffy Duck was leading the Knighthood of Assassins through a parking garage.

---

"Another Monday, another glorious night of wrestling, eh, chums?" Daffy asked aloud, turning around to see Scorpion and Sub-Zero shouldering their XCW Tag Team title belts.

"It appears that way, despite our lack of a battle." Scorpion grumbled.

"At least you can allow your knee to heal, Hanzo. . ." Sub-Zero added, ". . .and we can discuss matters with Hotsuma, if need be."

"Besides, Scorp-O, you deserve the star treatment once in a while! Especially NOW. . .seeing how for the first time in 25 years, the three of us are once again BOX OFFICE SUPERSTARS!" Daffy said, spraying Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Solid Snake and Sweet Tooth with his spit with every pronunciation of the letter 's'.

"Daffy, have you ever heard of 'say it, not spray it'?" wondered Snake, wiping his face.

"Yeah, and I could have carried my shit by myself." Sweet Tooth added. "I'm not used to having a bellhop."

"Well, deal with it, because our newest member needs to know his PLACE." Daffy said, turning around. "But where IS our Hyraxian Assassin. . .?" he wondered. "Ohhhhh BUGSY! BUUUUUUGSY-oh, BROTHER."

Daffy strode toward something in the background. . .

. . .

. . .which was quickly revealed to be a dazed Bugs Bunny on the concrete ground holding two GIANT suitcases in his hands, a GIANT chest on his back, a cardboard box full of weapons under his right arm, and Sub-Zero's Kori Blade as well as Scorpion's Tantō and Kunai under his left arm.

"What the hell do you think YOU'RE doing, napping on the job?" Daffy asked, placing his fists against his hips while Ren and Stimpy looked on from the background until they started to stride toward the Knighthood.

". . .it's. . .a LOT, Doc. . ." creaked Bugs.

"There's more where THAT came from, bucko! Wait till I tell Hotsuma about THIS-" Daffy snapped.

"Gosh, Bugs. . .do you need help?" wondered Stimpy.

"Yeah, BACK OFF, BOZOS!" yelled Ren. "Bugs is a living legend! Tasks like this are beneath him!"

"Well, he's beneath ME." responded Daffy. "I'M his superior as the Strategist of the Knighthood, and he is doing what I TELL HIM TO. So do what I'm telling YOU and SCRAM, you vulgar ingrates!"

"Hey! We're not ingrates! I pray by my bedside every night!" Stimpy said, raising an eyebrow.

"He called us INGRATES, not GRATEFUL, you EEEEDIOT!" snapped Ren, before turning his attention back to Daffy. "Anyway, I'll have you know that not only do WE happen to be legends too, we ALSO happen to be changing our image! We may be vulgar, but we'd love nothing more than to show our fellow Nicktoon brethren that we mean BUSINESS! A great way to do that. . .would be for YOU TWO monsters. . ."

Ren pointed at Scorpion and Sub-Zero for effect.

". . .to put THOSE golden beauties on the line against the first-ever XCW Tag Team Champions. Whaddaya say to that?"

"Yeah! You don't scare us ONE BIT!" Stimpy said, pushing up a sleeve of his fur for effect.

"Don't you already have a match against the South Park Four tonight?" reminded Daffy. "Better go train for that. It'll be fun to watch a team of our spoils fight against living EXCREMENT."

"YOU'RE USING FIGHTING WORDS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" screamed Ren.

"And you're in Bugs's way. HIT THE ROAD IF YA KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA!" Daffy snapped, before leading Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Solid Snake and Sweet Tooth into the arena and screaming, "COME ON, BUGSY!"

"...coming….." moaned Bugs, slowly struggling to reach a standing position and carrying a load of the Knighthood's garb with what little strength he had left, leaving Ren and Stimpy alone to stew.

"I know what's good for us. . .being Tag Champs again." Ren said to himself, ". . .come on, Stimpy. Let's do one more round of training. . ."

"But. . .what about Bugs?" Stimpy implored with puppy dog eyes. "He needs our help!"

"It's not just our help he needs. . .he needs a MIRACLE." Ren said sadly, as he and Stimpy left the parking garage before the show transitioned to a commercial break.

---

As Monday Night Massacre returned from break, The Mask was shadow boxing a slab of meat inexplicably in a hallway until Mimi Tachikawa strode up to him with a microphone in hand.

"Excuse me, Stanley "The Mask" Ipkiss?" Mimi asked, getting The Mask's attention. "Last week, your friend and tag team partner, Claude Speed, declared himself the first entrant for the first-ever Ecstasy of Gold Battle Royal, only to be attacked by the World's Largest Cathlete shortly thereafter. How is Claude doing tonight, and where do you stand on his developments?"

"On my own two feet, Mimi." The Mask replied, before tearing a piece of meat off the bone from the slab he had been punching and took a bite out of it. "Nah, but seriously, Claude's gonna be okay. He's a tough son of a bitch, and no one can keep him down for the count whether they're a feral feline like Garfield, or an anteater like Arthur! You'll see him next week. As far as where I stand on it, Garfield's just another cat on the roster looking to be tamed. And if there's anyone capable of doing it while he's outta commission for the week, it's gonna be ME! Because I'm taking Claude's lead. . .and declaring MYSELF another entry in the first-ever Ecstasy of Gold Battle Royal! I know it's every man for himself, but Claude knows my story. You know my story, right?"

The promo cut to Mimi Tachikawa.

"I do!" she replied, before the promo cut back to The Mask, who had another handful of meat in his hand, as the slab he was punching now had clearly visible bones amongst the meat around it.

"Good." replied The Mask. "Because going over it again would make ME cry. But here's the Cliffs Notes: for the longest time, everyone's considered me nothing more than a washed-up jester. A JOKE wrestler. A tag team specialist and nothing more, playa! But the Ecstasy of Gold Battle Royal is the perfect place to make a moment no one will forget, and the perfect time for a star to be born, and with all due respect to Claude, I have my own dreams to achieve, and one of them is to prove my critics wrong! They wanna give my XCW tenure two thumbs down, but I've got nowhere to go but UP! Because I've got experience, I've got the wrestling skills, and I've got the IT factor necessary to outlast thirty men and go on to fight for the XCW World Heavyweight Championship at Animania! And if Tommy Vercetti is still holding that title by then. . .our match won't just be PERSONAL. . ."

The promo cut to Mimi Tachikawa again.

"It won't?" she asked, before the promo cut back to The Mask, who had another handful of meat in his hand, as the slab he was punching was now nothing more than bones.

"Nope. . .because I have my own bone to pick with the Harwood Butcher. And when I get to face him one-on-one. . .it won't just be a match that will forever live in INFAMY. . .it'll be. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .SSSSSSSSSMOKIN'!"

The Mask grinned in the direction of the camera while standing in a determined pose, before the promo zoomed out to show Mimi still standing next to him.

"Well, good luck with that!" Mimi said, before skipping out of the scene, leaving The Mask alone. Stanley then turned around to take another swing at his meat slab. . .

. . .

. . .and CRACKED all the bones with one punch!

"Dang. . .I guess I don't know my own strength! Or my appetite. . ." The Mask said to the camera, wiping barbecue sauce off his face as the show transitioned back to the arena, where Carl Brutanandilewski stood in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand.

---

"The following contest is a Women's Tag Team Championship Tournament Quarterfinal match scheduled for one fall!"

"Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie played as Alexander De Large stepped onto the stage with Shenhua and Sawyer The Cleaner at his sides. As the lights turned dark purple, Sawyer glared at the fans with a dark look and creepy smile, while Shenhua placed a hand on her hip and leaned forward, looking tauntingly at the ring and crowd.

"Introducing first. . .being accompanied to the ring by Alexander De Large. . .from Roanapur, Thailand. . .the team of SHENHUA. . .and "The Cleaner". . .FREDERICAAAAAAAAAA SAAAAAAAAAWYEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!"

Alexander led Shenhua and Sawyer down the ramp, with Sawyer stepping in a slow deliberate manner before walking up the steps and entering the ring, while Shenhua got onto the ring apron, and gave a mocking glance to the crowd before leaping over the ropes and into the ring.

"The last time these two allies and assassins teamed up, they earned a HUGE victory against the team of Jun Motomiya and the XCW Women's Champion, Sora Takenouchi." Frylock informed. "But just as Shenhua was building a personal winning streak of her own in combined singles and tag team competition, 'The Assistant With Assets' Nazz pinned her in the center of an XCW ring in last week's main event. So I'm willing to bet that 'The Taiwanese Assassin' and her friend The Cleaner are angry beyond any recognition, and will not be satisfied until they've gotten back to their winning ways and leave their opponents broken and beaten, and there's no better time to be in that mindset than the quarterfinals of our XCW Women's Tag Team Championship tournament!"

Alexander pointed at his clients, nodding along to their entrance music while Shenhua stood in the middle of the ring, hand on her hip as she waited with a dangerous glint in her eye, and Sawyer sat on a top turnbuckle to look out at the crowd with the same creepy smile.

"Yeah, and there's no worse time to be staring across from these cold hearted bitches, either!" Shake added. "These two are methodical, they're dangerous, they're skilled despite only wrestling in this federation for a few months. . .and there's no telling what they'll do when they're angry or on their periods! If these two have as much talent as you and the internet says they do, anything less than leaving their opponents in a pool of their own blood will be a freakin' FAILURE!"

"This Is Halloween" by Marilyn Manson played to cheers from the crowd as the lights flickered between green and orange colors, and Carly Beth Caldwell and Lucy Dark stepped onto the stage, while Lucy waved at the fans with a goofy smile and Carly Beth stood stoically next to her, staring her opponents down the ramp as she kept her plaster head on a stick against her shoulder.

"And their opponents. . .making their Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling debut. . .from Columbus, Ohio. . .the team of 'The Girl With The Mask' Carly Beth Caldwell. . .'The Girl Who Cried Monster' Lucy Dark. . .they are GOOOOOOOOOOOOSEBUUUUUUUUUUUUMPS. . .UNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

Carly Beth led Lucy down the ramp, her eyes never looking away from Shenhua and Sawyer, while Lucy was shouting fighting words at them behind her faction's leader.

"And these are two of the three members of the trio XCW signed following the Indylympics, Goosebumps United!" Frylock informed. "Up until the event's unfortunate suspension, these three girls were in a four-way tie for first place in the female's trios round robin competition, and Carly Beth Caldwell in particular was on a tear of her own to the point where she had to mentally and physically hold herself back! It's unclear what's going on psychologically with "The Girl In The Mask", but Lucy Dark and Hannah Fairchild-Stein. . .wherever she is. . .are there to not only keep her in check, but also aid to the fight in their own ways, whether it's a solid technical ability or excellent high-risk agility!"

Lucy and Carly Beth slid into the ring under the bottom rope and posed on opposite corners, with Lucy splaying her arms at her sides and shouting confidence, if arrogant promises to the fans on one top rope, and Carly Beth raising a plaster head model of Shenhua high above her head on the other.

"Gimme a break, Frylock! These two look like they're ready to go trick or treating than have a wrestling match!" dismissed Shake. "Hell, did Carly Beth get here from her middle school art class? Why is she carrying a paper-mache head of Shenhua? Those mind games aren't gonna work because if anything, Shenhua's so vain, she has to feel flattered to see herself as an art project! And Lucy Dark is walking around like she's God's gift to Earth, so her friggin Mommy and Daddy spoiled her rotten. There's nothing special about these two, or three if Hannah's gonna inevitably appear in front of us, no matter how big a psychopath Carly Beth really is! These girls are children pretending to be wrestlers, and Shenhua and Sawyer are gonna wipe the floor with them here tonight!"

The bell rang and the match began with Lucy Dark facing off against Shenhua. Lucy charged toward The Taiwanese Assassin. . .

. . .

. . .WHO TOOK HER DOWN WITH A BRUTAL DISCUS LARIAT!

"BAH GAWD, SHAKE!" cringed Frylock. "SHENHUA ALMOST PUNCHED LUCY DARK'S HEAD OFF!"

"WHAT'D I TELL YA, FRYLOCK?!" screamed Shake. "Shenhua's as angry as she is when she crosses five lanes without a turn signal!"

"SHAKE! THAT'S RACIST, MAN! You're gonna get us kicked off the air!" Frylock shouted, before Shenhua pulled Lucy up by the hair and slapped her repeatedly with furious open palmed strikes that sent The Girl Who Cried Monster up against the ropes. Lucy hit Shenhua with a desperation kick to the chin that created some separation before charging forward for a clothesline, only for Shenhua to drop her with an armbreaker! The Taiwanese Assassin then stomped all over Lucy's body before hitting her in the face with a pointed elbow drop! Shenhua went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Lucy kicked out! Shenhua pulled Lucy up and lifted her up for a scoop slam, but Lucy dropped out of it and went for a backstabber, only for Shenhua to drop her with a backpack stunner! The Taiwanese Assassin then ran against the ropes and slid down the ramp on the bounceback to take The Girl Who Cried Monster down with a drive-by open palm strike! Shenhua zipped up to her feet before landing a standing moonsault across Lucy's back! Shenhua went for the cover, 1. . .2. . .Lucy kicked out!

Shenhua pulled Lucy up by the hair and struck her in the chest with a knife-edged chop! Lucy winced in pain as The Taiwanese Assassin hit her with chop after chop until The Girl Who Cried Monster luckily parried one and brought Shenhua down with a side headlock takedown, then a missile dropkick to the back! Lucy then kipped up and pulled Shenhua up by the hair and put her in a side headlock before hitting her in the head with a series of right hands! Lucy then ran forward with the intent of dropping Shenhua with a bulldog, but Shenhua countered it into a back suplex. . .that Lucy dropped out of to take Shenhua down with a Russian legsweep! Lucy went for the cover 1. . .2. . .Shenhua kicked out! Lucy kipped up and ran toward the ropes, which she leapt onto for a springboard elbow drop, only for Shenhua to hit her with a jumping knee strike that sent her reeling against the ropes! Shenhua charged toward The Girl Who Cried Monster for a running elbow smash, but Lucy hit her with a desperation kick to the chin before lifting her up and taking her down with a twisting suplex! Lucy went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Shenhua kicked out!

"Lucy Dark may be The Girl Who Cried Monster, but she's not crying wolf in hers and her teammate's debut match here in XCW!" Frylock called. "She's creating opens for herself and doing everything she can to fight back against Shenhua!"

"Yeah, she's as weak and beatable as the REST of our goddamn women's roster," scoffed Shake. "What the hell, Shenhua? I thought you were a PROFESSIONAL! You can't take this crap from a MIDDLE SCHOOLER!"

Lucy then pulled Shenhua up by the hair and drug her toward the ropes, where The Girl Who Cried Monster leapt to tightrope walk on the top rope, dragging Shenhua by the hair on her way to a top turnbuckle, off which she leapt-

-ONLY FOR SHENHUA TO PULL HERSELF TOWARD LUCY AND CROTCH HER ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! The Taiwanese Assassin then pulled herself up to the top rope and hit her with a series of right hands to the face before sending Lucy flying off the corner with a hurricanrana! Shenhua crawled toward Lucy for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Lucy kicked out! Shenhua rose up to her knees from the cover with an angered grimace on her face before pulling Lucy up by the hair and dragging her to her corner, where she tagged in Sawyer The Cleaner. Sawyer and Shenhua then smothered Lucy in the corner and double teamed her with a series of mudhole stomps until she fell into a seated position! Sawyer then pulled Lucy out of the corner and lifted her HIGH above her head before throwing her into her corner with a gorilla press! Lucy was quick to crawl toward Carly Beth and slap her hand with a diving tag! The Girl In The Mask then entered the ring with a pensive demeanor, then stared down Sawyer as she raised her hand to match hers for a tie-up, which Sawyer came out of with Carly Beth in a waist-lock. The Cleaner nailed Carly Beth in the spine with a right hand before lifting her off her feet and dropping her with a belly-to-back takedown. Sawyer then pulled her up with the waist-lock still cinched in and threw her across the ring for a release German suplex. . .

. . .

. . .BUT CARLY BETH LANDED ON HER FEET NEAR THE OPPOSITE CORNER!

"LOOK AT CARLY BETH! SHE'S LIKE A CAT, SHAKE!" Frylock exclaimed, as Carly Beth charged toward Sawyer and drove her into the corner with a shotgun dropkick!

"So she's annoying and needy and tears up every couch she sees?" Shake quipped, before Carly Beth went for a running bulldog out of the corner. . .

. . .

. . .but Sawyer countered and dropped her with an Atomic Drop onto the ring apron! While Carly Beth winced in pain, Sawyer ran against the ropes behind her and went for a spear on Carly Beth. . .

. . .

. . .BUT THE GIRL IN THE MASK SPUN OUT OF THE WAY, CAUSING SAWYER TO FLY OVER THE SECOND ROPE AND ONTO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!

"GOOD GOD!" Frylock yelled. "Sawyer just hit our announcer's table! What ring awareness from Carly Beth Caldwell!"

"More like ring IGNORANCE! Guess who she's right next to!" Shake observed, as Carly Beth turned around right into a palm strike from Shenhua on the apron! The Taiwanese Assassin went for another one with her left hand. . .

. . .but Carly Beth caught it and threw Shenhua onto the ringside floor with a wheelbarrow arm drag! The Girl In The Mask then turned toward Lucy and motioned for her to enter the ring. The Girl Who Cried Monster then entered the ring and stepped into the center of the ring, where Carly Beth met her upon re-entry. Carly Beth and Lucy then ran against the ropes behind them. . .

. . .

. . .AND LAUNCHED OVER THE TOP ROPE TO TAKE SHENHUA AND SAWYER THE CLEANER DOWN WITH STEREO TOPE SUICIDAS!

"AND WHAT AGILITY AND TEAMWORK THIS DUO IS DISPLAYING RIGHT NOW!" Frylock screamed, as Carly Beth and Lucy kipped up, with The Girl Who Cried Monster shouting, "WOOOOO!" in the heat of the moment to cheers from the crowd while Shenhua and Sawyer winced in pain on the floor!

"Will Goosebumps United remain in control of this quarterfinal matchup in our Women's Tag Team Championship tournament? We'll find out when we come back after these messages from our sponsors!"

Lucy continued to play for the crowd while Carly Beth nodded in satisfaction in the background until the show transitioned to later in the match, where Sawyer had Lucy Dark locked in a Paradise Lock in the center of the ring, and was sitting on her to apply added pressure!

"We're back live here on Monday Night Massacre ladies and gentlemen, and say what you will about the age difference between Goosebumps United and Shenhua and Sawyer The Cleaner, but this team of Carly Beth Caldwell and Lucy Dark is making one hell of an impression in their Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling debut!" Frylock informed. "During the break, they succeeded in landing a plethora of double team moves, such as a moment when Sawyer was struggling to their feet only to be dropped by stereo running knee strikes from Carly Beth and Lucy, and again when they threw Shenhua across the ring with a double Japanese arm drag! But Shenhua and Sawyer would fight back with double team moves of their own, like when The Cleaner dropped Carly Beth onto the knees of the Taiwanese Assassin with a Full Nelson Slam/Backstabber combination!"

"Yeah, and now The Girl Who Cried Monster is crying for her life to be spared by Sawyer The Cleaner! She's gonna be crying for her mommy from a hospital bed by the time Sawyer's broken every bone in her body with this submission maneuver!" Shake added, before Sawyer reluctantly accepted that Lucy wasn't going to tap out, then pulled her off the mat. . .

. . .

. . .to drop her in the center of the ring with a powerbomb! Sawyer went for the cover, 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .LUCY KICKED OUT! Sawyer couldn't believe it!

"OH MY GOD HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?" Frylock wondered, as Sawyer pulled Lucy up by the hair before grabbing her by the THROAT. . .

. . .

. . .and lifting her up for a Chokeslam. . .

. . .

. . .BUT LUCY FOUGHT OUT OF IT WITH A KICK TO SAWYER'S FACE! The Girl Who Cried Monster then whipped Sawyer into the ropes with a Monkey Flip. . .

. . .

. . .but Sawyer landed on her feet in front of the ropes! The Cleaner bounced off the ropes to propel herself toward Lucy. . .

. . .

. . .WHO TOOK HER DOWN WITH THE DARKNESS DRIVER!

"DEAR LORD! THAT DUAT DRIVER WASN'T PRETTY, BUT IT DROPPED THE CLEANER ON HER HEAD!" Frylock called. "WILL IT GET HER AND CARLY BETH THE WIN?!"

Lucy went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .SAWYER KICKED OUT! Lucy rolled off Sawyer, looking up at the lights with exasperation!

Both women were down in the center of the ring, and Sawyer stared down Shenhua while Carly Beth slapped her hand against the top turnbuckle in front of her as Lucy and the Cleaner were crawling toward their corners for a hot tag!

"Lucy fought back valiantly after the hell brought onto her by Sawyer The Cleaner, but now both women are looking for a tag! Who will gain the upper hand?" Frylock wondered, as Sawyer and Lucy extended their hands out. . .

. . .

. . .reached for their partners hands. . .

. . .

. . .and successfully made the tags, with Shenhua getting tagged in just a second before Carly Beth!

"AND HERE THEY COME!" exclaimed Frylock as Shenhua and Carly Beth charged toward each other, with Shenhua striking her down with a stiff karate chop! The Girl In The Mask reeled up to her feet after the impact only for Shenhua to knock her back down with another karate chop! Carly Beth slowly but surely staggered up to a standing position, clenching her chest in pain until Shenhua dropped her with a standing shiranui! Shenhua then hit the ropes in front of her before landing a somersault leg drop onto Carly Beth's body! Shenhua went for the cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .CARLY BETH KICKED OUT! Shenhua couldn't believe it!

"NO! Carly Beth still has signs of life!" Frylock called. "Now may be the time for The Girl In The Mask to unleash her inner monster if she wants to advance herself and Goosebumps United to the next round of the Women's Tag Team Championship tournament!"

"Please. Her inner monster's no scarier than a Troll doll!" Shake dismissed, as Shenhua pulled Carly Beth up by the mask and stared her down with a furious expression before slapping her in the chest with three open palm strikes that backed her up into the corner. The Taiwanese Assassin then slapped her in the face with three more open palm strikes which she followed up with a roundhouse kick, completing the Throwing Knives combination! But Shenhua demonstrated her dissatisfaction with that by lifting Carly Beth onto her shoulders. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPING HER WITH A TORTURE RACK NECKBREAKER!

"The Taiwanese Assassin stuck Carly Beth with Throwing Knives, then drove her through the canvas with that devastating maneuver!" Frylock called. "Will that earn her and Sawyer the victory?"

Shenhua turned Carly Beth onto her back and went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 CARLY BETH KICKED OUT! Shenhua punched the mat in frustration!

"NO! HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?!" Frylock exclaimed, as the crowd exploded with cheers! "There is no quit in Carly Beth Caldwell!"

"There better be, because The Taiwanese Assassin is getting MAAAAAD!" Shake observed. "Do you think she's feeling a period cramp?"

"That's none of my business, Shake. . ." deadpanned Frylock, before Shenhua slowly but surely reached a standing position, gritting her teeth in anger. She pulled Carly Beth up by her arm and wrenched on it until The Girl In The Mask hit Shenhua with a kick to the gut, then a tilt-a-whirl arm drag! Shenhua reeled up to her knees in a daze until Carly Beth pulled her up by the hair. . .

. . .

. . .AND LIFTED HER ON HER SHOULDERS?

"NO WAY!" Frylock screamed. "How can Carly Beth be that strong?!"

"I CALL PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS!" Shake declared. "THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHENHUA CAN BE LIFTED BY A TWELVE YEAR OLD!"

Carly Beth carried Shenhua back into the center of the ring before dropping her into a kick to the gut! The Taiwanese Assassin reeled upwards, clenching her gut in pain from the impact until Carly Beth took her down with a swinging neckbreaker! The Girl In The Mask went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .SHENHUA KICKED OUT!

"What a combination from Carly Beth Caldwell!" Frylock called. "But it's gonna take more than that to keep The Taiwanese Assassin down for the count!"

Carly Beth pulled Shenhua up by the hair and hit her in the ribs with a series of kicks, alternating legs with every strike before dropping Shenhua with a hip toss! Carly Beth then pulled Shenhua up in a side headlock before hitting her in the gut with a knee strike and lifting her off her feet for a Fisherman's Buster. . .

. . .

. . .BUT SHENHUA FOUGHT OUT OF IT! The Taiwanese Assassin landed on her feet in front of Carly Beth and knocked her against the ropes with repeated purorseau strikes. . .

. . .

. . .UNTIL CARLY BETH FOUGHT BACK WITH A HEADBUTT THAT SENT SHENHUA REELING BACKWARDS INTO A CORNER! Carly Beth then charged toward Shenhua and hit her with a corner clothesline before pulling her up to the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPING HER WITH A SUPER FISHERMAN'S BUSTER!

"DEAR GOD!" Frylock cringed. "THAT MAY BE DEVASTATING ENOUGH TO PUT SHENHUA DOWN!"

"No, no no no NO! NO WAY!" denied Shake. "THAT'S TOO BIG A MANEUVER FROM A MIDDLE SCHOOLER!"

Carly Beth flipped on top of Shenhua for the cover! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 SHENHUA KICKED OUT! Carly Beth sat up from the cover, lost in thought about what to do next!

"Carly Beth is putting up a valiant effort against the dangerous Shenhua, but The Taiwanese Assassin still has a ton of fight left in her!" Frylock called, as Carly Beth pulled Shenhua up by the hair. . .

. . .

. . .AND SET HER ON HER SHOULDERS IN AN ELECTRIC CHAIR HOLD!

"What the hell is she doing? Trying to start a goddamn CHICKEN FIGHT?" Shake yelled, as Carly Beth stepped into the center of the ring and dropped her with the Scream Machine-NO!

Shenhua hit Carly Beth in the head with a series of right hands! Carly Beth reeled against the ropes before bouncing back into the center of the ring in a daze with her grip still on Shenhua's legs. . .until she fell to her knees! The Taiwanese Assassin then reached into both eyeholes of Carly Beth's mask. . .

. . .

. . .AND STARTED TO RIP AT THE MASK WITH THE INTENT OF TEARING IT OFF TO BOOS FROM THE CROWD!

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Frylock exclaimed. "SHENHUA'S LOOKING TO REVEAL CARLY BETH'S FACE FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE! TALK ABOUT DISRESPECT!"

"Gimme a break, Frylock! You and I both know this wimp has no business fighting like a freakin' luchador! She's whiter than the cup I was made out of! That's cultural appropriation!" Shake said.

"Shake, don't be a hypocrite, man!" Frylock snapped. "You made an offensive stereotype when Shenhua was making her way down to the ring!"

"It ain't a stereotype if it's the TRUTH, Frylock! And the TRUTH is what I speak!" Shake attested, as Shenhua continued to claw and tear at Carly Beth's mask. . .

. . .

. . .BUT THE GIRL IN THE MASK SUDDENLY GRIPPED SHENHUA'S BOTH ARMS, RIPPING THEM OFF HER FACE AND STRIKING SHENHUA RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES WITH A BACK HEADBUTT! As Carly Beth made it up to her feet, she charged toward Shenhua. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR THE TWO OF THEM TO HIT EACH OTHER WITH UNISON CLOTHESLINES AT THE SAME TIME! Both women were down in the center of the ring as the crowd exploded with dueling chants of, "THIS IS AWESOME!/X-C-DUB! THIS IS AWESOME!/X-C-DUB!"

"The Peach Creek fans are on their feet for both of these incredible women, and are aching to see what else they'll do to each other here tonight! They're hitting each other with everything they have; who's gonna earn the victory and advance their respective team into the second round of the XCW Women's Tag Team Championship tournament?" Frylock wondered, as Carly Beth and Shenhua slowly but surely pulled themselves up to a standing position, using the ropes to reach a vertical base. The two then staggered toward each other until they met in the center of the ring, where Shenhua BLINDSIDED Carly Beth with an open palm strike to her chest! Carly Beth winced in pain from the impact until Shenhua knocked her against the ropes with a back elbow smash. Shenhua then went for a running double axe handle, only for Carly Beth to send Shenhua reeling with a kick to the chin! The Girl In The Mask then charged forward for a right hand of her own. . .

. . .

. . .BUT SHENHUA LIFTED HER OFF HER FEET AND THREW HER ACROSS THE RING WITH A REVERSE SUPLEX! Carly Beth reeled upwards in a daze until Shenhua threw her across the ring again, this time with Flying Headscissors! Carly Beth slowly reached for the middle rope, exasperatedly trying to pull herself up while Lucy Dark had her arm extended for a tag! Nevertheless, Carly Beth started to tremble from the intensity of the moment. . .for some inexplicable reason. . .

"I don't know how this is possible, but Carly Beth Caldwell is looking both worse for wear and like she's shaking off her shackles at the same time!" Frylock observed. "Something's about to burst from The Girl In The Mask. . ."

Upon reaching a standing position, Carly Beth Caldwell turned around to face Shenhua. . .

. . .

. . .WHO KICKED HER IN THE MIDSECTION, LIFTED HER UP AND SPUN HER AROUND TO DROP HER WITH ANGEL'S WINGS!

"BUT SHENHUA JUST BURST THROUGH THE OPENING AND MAY HAVE JUST DRIVEN THE FINAL NAIL IN CARLY BETH'S COFFIN!" Frylock shouted, as Shenhua turned Carly Beth onto her back for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .LUCY BROKE UP THE COUNT WITH A STOMP TO THE BACK OF SHENHUA'S HEAD!

"NO! LUCY IS SAVING THE MATCH FOR HERSELF AND HER TEAMMATE!" Frylock exclaimed, as Shenhua rose up from the cover and chased Lucy, but couldn't strike The Girl Who Cried Monster before she made it back to the apron.

"Yeah, and she did it while Carly Beth is looking like Helen Keller right now! She doesn't know where she is!" Shake yelled. "The next move from Shenhua is gonna knock her out for good!"

Lucy taunted Shenhua from the apron, to a sneer from The Taiwanese Assassin, who turned her attention back to a dazed Carly Beth. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY TO BE-tripped up by the ankle by something on the ringside floor. . .?

"What the-Shenhua appears to be stumbling. . .but why. . .?" Frylock wondered, as Shenhua looked to the ringside floor. . .

. . .

. . .AND SAW HANNAH FAIRCHILD-STEIN APPEAR FROM OUT OF THIN AIR TO CHEERS FROM THE CROWD!

"WAIT A MINUTE! THE GHOST NEXT DOOR IS HERE! HANNAH FAIRCHILD-STEIN IS COMING TO THE AID FOR HER FELLOW MEMBERS OF GOOSEBUMPS UNITED!" Frylock screamed.

"NOW THIS IS FREAKIN' BULLSHIT!" Shake snapped. "THESE THREE ARE NOW FIGHTING LIKE IT'S MIDDLE SCHOOL RECESS! SHENHUA'S GONNA GIVE EM A RUDE AWAKENING!"

Shenhua shouted fighting words at Hannah Fairchild-Stein, who continued to taunt her from Goosebumps United's corner. The Taiwanese Assassin then turned around with a look of disgust on her face. . .

. . .

. . .WHICH WAS KNOCKED OFF HER FACE BY THE DEFACER FROM CARLY BETH!

"BUT CARLY BETH IS AWAKE NOW, SHAKE!" Frylock yelled, as Carly Beth kipped up to cheers from the crowd and landed a moonsault double foot stomp onto Shenhua before pulling her into the center of the ring.

. . .WHILE HANNAH FAIRCHILD-STEIN PULLED SAWYER OFF THE RING APRON AND HIT HER WITH A SERIES OF RIGHT HANDS!

"SHENHUA IS STILL FEELING THE EFFECTS OF THAT JUMPING BOOT, WHILE HANNAH IS FENDING OFF SAWYER ON THE OUTSIDE!" Frylock screamed. "ARE GOOSEBUMPS UNITED GONNA PULL OFF THE UPSET?!"

"Oh, come on, PLEASE! NOT LIKE THIS! You'll ruin my bet, you stupid kids!" Shake snapped, as Carly Beth went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .SHENHUA KICKED OUT! Carly Beth began to tremble again, as if something was about to burst out of her body. . .but slowly and surely rose to a standing position. Carly Beth was controlling her breathing to keep herself in check until she turned around. . .

. . .

. . .AND WAS KNOCKED DOWN BY A GAMENGIRI FROM SHENHUA!

"Carly Beth looked like she was keeping her inner monster in check yet again. . .but that amount of caution may have come back to haunt herself and Goosebumps United! What a gamengiri!" Frylock called, as Shenhua drug Carly Beth by the leg back into the center of the ring to boos from the crowd!

"And what a victory this is gonna be for Shenhua and Sawyer, Frylock!" Shake squealed, as Shenhua went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.75 CARLY BETH KICKED OUT! Shenhua rose up from the cover and got in a shouting match with the referee, arguing that the count was three!

"NO! JUST TWO! CARLY BETH STILL HAS NO OUNCE OF QUIT IN HER BODY!" Frylock screamed, as the referee insisted that his count was only two!

"There's gonna be no ounce of blood coursing through her body after Shenhua comes to her senses!" Shake said, as Shenhua groaned loudly under her teeth before turning her attention back to Carly Beth. Meanwhile, in the ring, Hannah had Sawyer pinned against the barricade with a series of right hands until The Cleaner fought back with a BRUTAL knee strike to the face of The Ghost Next Door! Sawyer then lifted Hannah high above her head. . .

. . .

. . .AND TOSSED HER INTO THE CROWD WITH A LAUNCHING GORILLA PRESS!

"SAWYER THE CLEANER JUST DISPOSED OF HANNAH FAIRCHILD-STEIN!" Frylock screamed. "These two assassins are having their way with Goosebumps United!"

Meanwhile, back in the ring, The Taiwanese Assassin pulled Carly Beth up by the mask and pressed her foot against her head. . .

. . .

. . .BUT THE GIRL IN THE MASK CAUGHT IT AND WHIPPED SHENHUA DOWN WITH A DRAGON SCREW!

"WAIT A MINUTE! SHENHUA WENT FOR THE KUKIRI SLICE BUT SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ARGUING WITH THE REFEREE!" Frylock screamed, as Carly Beth slowly but surely pulled herself up to a standing position and gripped her legs for a flapjack. . .

. . .

. . .but Shenhua kicked her in the chin, sending Carly Beth reeling backward into the corner behind her. The Taiwanese Assassin then kipped up and charged toward Carly Beth for a running knee strike. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR CARLY BETH TO CATCH HER AND DROP HER WITH THE RYDEEN BOMB!

"CARLY BETH JUST DROVE SHENHUA ONTO THE CANVAS WITH THAT SITOUT SPINEBUSTER!" Frylock exclaimed. "IS GOOSEBUMPS UNITED GOING TO ADVANCE TO THE SEMIFINALS?"

The crowd exploded with cheers of excitement as Carly Beth went for the cover, hooking both legs! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .SAWYER BROKE UP THE COUNT WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE!

"WAIT A MINUTE! SAWYER THE CLEANER MAKES THE SAVE FROM OUTTA NOWHERE!" Frylock shouted, as Sawyer The Cleaner knocked Lucy off the apron and down to the ringside floor with a running elbow smash to MASSIVE boos from the crowd! Sawyer left the ring and made her way toward her corner, staring daggers at the fans along the barricade while Shenhua pulled Carly Beth up by the mask, pressed her foot up against her face. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPED HER WITH THE KUKIRI SLICE!

"And with that save comes the Kukiri Slice. . ." Frylock called. "DAMMIT!"

The Taiwanese Assassin then pulled Carly Beth up by the mask before tagging in Sawyer. . .

. . .

. . .who lifted The Girl In The Mask up for a Tombstone Piledriver. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPED HER ON HER HEAD WITH IT AFTER SHENHUA LANDED A STIFF KICK TO CARLY BETH'S HEAD!

"BAH GAWD, SHAKE!" Frylock cringed. "I don't know what the hell you call that combination, but it damn sure blew Carly Beth into next week!"

"Yeah, now she REALLY doesn't know where she is right now!" Shake added. "That's a GOOD thing, because she can forget about wrasslin' and go back to drawing hearts around Zayn Malik and. . .Harry Styles and. . .uhhhh. . .ANTHONY HOPKINS!"

"She'll want to forget about this match, too, Shake. . ." Frylock predicted, as Sawyer went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .3!

". . .because Shenhua and Sawyer The Cleaner are the victors!" finished Frylock, before Sawyer stood up from the cover, staring at the booing fans with a malicious glare when the bell rang!

"The winners of this match. . .the team of SHENHUA. . .AND FREDERICAAAAAAAAAAA SAAAAAAAAAAAWYEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

The referee raised Shenhua and Sawyer's arms in victory until Alexander DeLarge entered the ring, shooing the official away before raising his clients' arms himself, looking at the fans beaming with pride while The Taiwanese Assassin and The Cleaner glared at the fans with malicious intent.

"Well, it was a hard fought, back and forth battle, but in the end, the more experienced and more dangerous Shenhua and Frederica Sawyer picked up the victory," Frylock informed, "but Goosebumps United has a lot about their XCW in-ring debut to be proud of! They matched the two assassins blow for blow and even outsmarted them on occasion with swift quickness and amazing high-risk maneuvers and even unbridled power, especially from Carly Beth Caldwell! There appeared to be something holding The Girl In The Mask back from going for the kill in the match's final moments, which is something you can't do in matches with stakes as big as what they were fighting for here tonight! And that was the right to face The Sphere Hunters, Yuna and Rikku, in the semifinals of the Women's Tag Team Championship Tournament at XCW Equal Pain in 13 nights!"

Alex led his clients out of the ring over the second rope, while Lucy and Hannah each slid into the ring from opposite sides to check on Carly Beth.

"This ain't nothing for Shenhua and Sawyer The Cleaner to ride home about, Frylock!" Shake dismissed. "They just beat up a buncha friggin' middle schoolers fighting their first friggin' match! And the next round won't be any harder because they're going up against Rikku and Yuna, the human banana, because bruises grow on her like the weeds in Carl's backyard! As a matter of fact, how the hell do ya hunt a SPHERE, anyway? That's like hunting a freakin' ROCK, you can find one in ANYTHING! Next week is a cakewalk for Shenhua and Sawyer; they even have the easiest route to the finals of this god-forsaken tournament, so if they lose in either match at Equal Pain, this victory tonight won't mean JACKSHIT! In fact, if they're assassins, I'll front them the money for a hit out on 'em right here, right now! HEY, SHENHUA! MEET ME IN CATERING!"

"I don't believe this," groaned Frylock. ". . .what the hell's happening backstage. . .?"

Shenhua was shouting Taiwanese fighting words at the fans along the right side of the barricade, while Sawyer stared down a now-kneeling Carly Beth with an eerie expression until the show transitioned to the backstage area, where Francine Frensky, Sue Ellen and Muffy Crosswire were standing next to Meatwad, who was sitting on a nearby shelf with a microphone in hand.

---

"Elwood City Strikers . ." Meatwad said, ". . .we just saw Shenhua and Sawyer The Cleaner advance in the Women's Tag Team Title Tournament, and, uh. . .next week, you, Francine and Sue Ellen, fight against the Bullet Club. It's the final match in the quarterfinals of this tournament. How do you feel about that and how the tournament has gone so far?"

"Well, Meatwad, I-" Francine said, before Muffy took the microphone from Meatwad before her client could.

"You just rest your vocal chords, Francine. I'M the manager of this team, I'LL do the talking," interrupted Muffy, to an annoyed frown from Francine, who crossed her arms as she listened to her manager.

"The tournament has been rather lacking in quality, if you ask me!" Muffy said, with an arrogant inflection. "And it all comes down to the competitors: Yuna and Rikku are talented but they have no stamina, Disnevolution thinks they're all that, The Women of Marvel are closer to retirement than they think they are, San and Nausicaa are preoccupied with managing a carny company, and Shenhua and Sawyer are dangerous but aren't masters of teamwork. But MY friends, Francine and Sue Ellen, are the TOTAL. PACKAGE. We may have lost our XCW debut at Abolishment, but a new tournament reaps new opportunities, and next week, we're going to show the Bullet Club that just because we're from PBS doesn't mean you can sleep on us! Francine and Sue Ellen want to follow in Arthur's footsteps and elevate PBS's reach in this business by teaching this roster what it REALLY means to be a great women's tag team. They have great teamwork, they have great speed, and we learn from our mistakes! We also don't let our BRAND define ourselves! Do you know how many variants of 'Bullet Club' tops I see in the crowd week after week? Ugh, too many! And besides, I saw what happened to their faction in wrestling recently; they were banished from the GPW family of promotions as fast as they joined them! They are NOTHING to ride home about, unlike MY best friends! With their agility and chemistry, and MY leadership, the Elwood City Strikers are gonna kick Mary Jane and Felicia back to those loathsome indies and expose them for what they are: a T-shirt factory and a hand gesture! Nothing more, nothing less."

Muffy motioned for Francine and Sue Ellen to leave the interview area, and the Elwood City Strikers turned a corner. . .

. . .

. . .AND RAN RIGHT INTO MARY JANE WATSON AND FELICIA HARDY!

"So. . .we're a T-shirt factory, huh?" Mary Jane asked, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "I've heard that before."

"Yeah, and if Yuna and Rikku don't have stamina. . .how did you lose to them, exactly?" wondered Felicia.

"It was a fluke!" Muffy insisted. "You'll see next week! Your ego trip is gonna end before it begins!"

"That's funny. . .I could say the same about yours, Richie BITCH." Mary Jane said, to an "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" from the crowd.

"Because everything we DO. . .is JUST. . ." Felicia added, before Mary Jane followed up with-

". . .TOO. . ."

". . .LAAAAAAAAME!" Francine interrupted. "You two are one-trick ponies."

"Yeah! We've studied you two up and down, forwards and backwards!" Sue Ellen added. "We're gonna beat you, then go all the way to the finals and become the first-ever Women's Tag Team Champions at Equal Pain! Because when Francine and I are in striking distance. . ."

. . .

. . .

. . .

". . .we ALWAYS SCORE," finished Francine, to a smile of satisfaction from Muffy.

"Well said, girls." Muffy complimented, before making their way down the hallway, leaving Mary Jane and Felicia alone.

"Freakin' TOOLS. All I can say is. . .the feeling of victory next week is going to be TOO. SWEET." Mary Jane assured.

"You said it, MJ. . ." agreed Felicia, before butting the Too Sweet hand gesture against Mary Jane's before the show transitioned to a commercial break.

---

As Monday Night Massacre returned from break, Joffrey Baratheon was pacing the floor of his ornate dressing room until Meatwad slithered up to him from behind with a microphone in hand.

"Joffrey Baratheon. . ." Meatwad asked, ". . .last week, we learned that, uh. . .you paid The Outcasts and Two-Face to assault Samurai Jack when he had his back turned. If I may ask, uh. . .why did you do it and what's next for you, now that Jack is out of the picture, apparently?"

"I believe you already know the answer to your query. . .but did you forget to never approach my presence again?" Joffrey seethed. "You are a disgusting slab of flesh! Get the HELL out of my sight!

With that, Joffrey pulled the microphone out of Meatwad's hand. . .

. . .

. . .AND KICKED HIM OUT OF HIS DRESSING ROOM AND SENT HIM SLIDING DOWN THE CONCRETE HALLWAY ON THE OUTSIDE! The First Of His Character then turned to look RIGHT into the camera with the microphone up to his mouth.

"As I was saying, the reasons for my assault on Samurai Jack have to be a given redundancy by this point in time. . .but if I must exposite for the unintelligent masses, then I must. I had Samurai Jack attacked in retaliation for him costing me a well-earned victory at XCW Abolishment. I offered this hit out to the Outcasts specifically because their monstrous demeanor and stature would be enough to render the Samurai Warrior lifeless, and they succeeded. . .by THEIR standards, but not by MINE. Because I wanted him lying in a pool of his own blood, as dead as Lord Eddard Stark. But in true if strange fashion. . .their manager, Harvey Two-Face, insisted that his coin kept them from going any further. He said they would be a MORE threatening force if they left the fates of their victims up to chance. . .but with all due respect to my ally. . .I can't rely on chance. Only on my cunning. . .my brutality. . .and my place on the Iron Throne. Because I am the best wrestler this company has to offer. . .and I intend to prove it. . .

. . .

. . .by entering MYSELF into the first-ever Ecstasy of Gold Battle Royal. It is my destiny to make history as the match's first-ever winner, because the live-action medium WILL make its presence known in this industry when the time is right. And there is no time like the main event of XCW's first Animania. So, if Samurai Jack even PONDERS the thought of confronting me in the Battle Royal, either the Outcasts or I will finish the job that we started last week. Because as The First Of His Name. . .The First Of His Character. . .and The Ruler of the Iron Throne. . .I am the most dangerous, powerful, and formidable man to ever hold a position of royalty. . .and after a single person dares to cross or challenge me. . .they will meet one of two fates. . .they shall either RESPECT ME. . .

. . .

. . .OR FEAR ME."

Joffrey threw the microphone down to the floor before leaving the room as the show transitioned back to the arena, where Carl Brutanandilewski stood in the center of the ring with a microphone in hand.

---

"The following contest is scheduled for one fall. . .and it is for the Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling. . .WOOOOOOORLD TELEVISIOOOOOOOOON CHAMPIONSHIIIIIIIIIP!"

The crowd exploded with cheers. . .

. . .

. . .as "What Would Brian Boitano Do?" by DVDA played! Stan Marsh walked onto the ramp to cheers from the crowd.

"Introducing first. . .representing the South Park Four. . .from South Park, Colorado. . .he is "The South Park Leader". . .STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARSH!"

"This match came about last week after Mario's first-ever Open Challenge for his XCW World Television Championship. . .as Mario and Spongebob were leaving the ring following The Champion of Life's successful title defense, they were confronted by 'The South Park Leader' Stan Marsh, who not only told them that he wanted to be Mario's next challenger for the title, but he was also venturing into singles competition while Kyle and Kenny represent the South Park Four in tag team action going forward! It's going to be interesting to see how Stan wrestles on his own, especially with stakes as high as the XCW World Television Championship!" Frylock said, as Stan entered the ring from under the ropes and climbed onto a turnbuckle, raising both fists above his head for the crowd.

"Gimme a break, we ALL know Stan is the Jannetty of the South Park Four, Frylock." Shake dismissed. "Cartman is a fat, entitled narcissist, Kenny dies all the time, and Kyle is friends with a talking TURD. What makes this kid special? He vomits every time he talks to a girl? That's not special, that's STUPID! And GROSS. Unless you're talking to the hookers underneath the Jersey Turnpike, know what I'm sayin?"

". . .I. . .think I do, Shake. . .but that's not appropriate to go into while we're on the air. . ." Frylock responded, as Stan stepped off the turnbuckle and looked down the ramp in anticipation. . .

. . .until the following words rang out from the Titantron:

"I'M READY!"

"Teen Beat Ocean" by Jackson and His Computer Band then played, with pyro exploding in unison to the first notes of the song before Mario and Spongebob Squarepants walked onto the stage and posed to cheers from the fans.

"And his opponent. . .being accompanied to the ring by 'The Sponge Suplex Machine' Spongebob Squarepants. . .from The Mushroom Kingdom. . .he is the current Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling Television Champion of the WOOOOOOOOORLD. . .'The Champion of Life'. . .MAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOO!"

"It's good to see 'The Champion of Life' Mario and 'The Sponge Suplex Machine' Spongebob Squarepants well recovered after what happened last week." Frylock declared. "After Mario successfully defended the TV title against Smokey The Bear in his first open challenge, 'The First PBS Kid' Arthur ambushed BOTH Kings of Greatness on the stage in an act of jealous rage over losing the title at XCW Abolishment! It makes me wonder if Arthur is bitter enough to try and make the same attack again in Mario's match here tonight!"

Mario ran down the ramp and climbed onto a turnbuckle, raising a peace sign and the XCW World Television title belt above his head, while Spongebob stepped into the ring above the second rope and climbed onto the opposite turnbuckle, raising a fist in the air to cheers from the crowd.

"He has EVERY reason to be bitter, Frylock!" insisted Shake. "Because Arthur would have WON that match if it wasn't for The Knighthood Leader, Hotsuma, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong! If you wanna talk about BITTER, that man holds more of a grudge than Arthur does. I've never seen a man more angry with a man over a loss in my entire life! But Arthur LET this old fatass win his belt from him, and lets another old fatass walk him to the ring day in and day out! I LIKE the fact Arthur's taking initiative and not letting Mario have an ounce of joy with HIS belt! It's one of the MILLION changes he NEEDS to make if he wants to get outta midcard hell and leave these two geriatric glory hogs in the DUST!"

The bell rang and the match began with Mario and Stan charging toward each other and meeting in the center of the ring for a tie-up. The Champion of Life came out of it with Stan in a waist-lock, but The South Park Leader fought out of it with elbow strikes to the face before putting him in a front face lock, then went for a DDT, but Mario countered it with a back body drop! The Champion of Life then ran against the ropes in front of it and nailed Stan with a running knee strike to the face before leaping over the ropes and then onto the top rope for a springboard dropkick, but Stan countered it by grabbing Mario's legs from mid-air and dropping him on his back, then sending him flying into a top turnbuckle with a flapjack! Mario reeled back into the center of the ring in a daze, and right into a hip toss from Stan Marsh! After a series of right hands to Mario's face, Stan leapt up and landed a somersault leg drop across Mario's torso! Stan went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Mario kicked out! Stan pulled Mario up and put him in a side headlock, only for The Champion of Life to run forward and drive him against the ropes! Mario fought out of it after the bounceback by Irish whipping Stan across the ring, and knelt down for a back body drop. . .only for Stan to catch him off-guard with a kick to the face, followed by a swinging neckbreaker! The South Park Leader went for the cover 1. . .2. . .Mario kicked out!

Stan pulled Mario up by the overalls, only for The Champion of Life to slap Stan's arms away and follow that up with a HUGE knife-edged chop to the chest! The crowd chanted "WOO!" in unison with the strike before Stan winced in pain from the impact, until Mario followed that up with chop after chop that backed Stan into a nearby corner. Mario then pummeled Stan in the face with a series of right and left hands, then threw him out of the corner with a belly to belly suplex! Mario then charged back into the center of the ring and landed onto him with a rolling senton! Mario went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Stan kicked out! The Champion of Life then pulled Stan up and went for another chop to the chest, only for Stan to parry it with his arm and hit him with a chop of his own! Stan then Irish whipped Mario into the ropes behind him and went for a Scoop Powerslam, but Mario hit Stan in the midsection with a kick before he could lift him up! Mario then Irish whipped Stan across the ring and took him down with a sitout wheelbarrow facebuster! The Champion of Life then went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .2. . .Stan kicked out!

"Stan Marsh caught Mario by surprise with his technical prowess early on, but the Champion of Life is living up to his moniker by his methods of fighting back!" Frylock informed. "How will Mario follow it up?"

Mario then pulled Stan up by his shirt and drug him toward the corner, sitting him on the top rope. Mario then ran into the opposite corner before charging forward and nailing Stan with a jumping uppercut that sent him tumbling to the outside and onto the steel steps, which he fell onto with a sickening thud! As the crowd shouted, "OHHHHHHHH!" from the impact, Stan rolled off the steps and onto his chest, grimacing and wincing in agonizing pain as he clenched his lower back!

"He didn't have to follow it up with THAT!" Shake exclaimed. "Is Mario trying to kill people in his old age?"

"He's trying to keep the XCW World Television Championship around his waist!" Frylock responded. "Will he be able to do that when we come back from this word from our sponsors?"

As Spongebob cheered him on, Mario rolled out of the ring under the bottom rope and pulled Stan up by the cap before slugging him in the face with a three-punch combination until the show transitioned to later in the match, where Stan had Mario locked in a Sharpshooter in the center of the ring!

"We're back live here on Monday Night Massacre, ladies and gentlemen, and this may be Mario's second defense of the XCW World Television Championship, but he may have met his match in the form of The South Park Leader, Stan Marsh!" Frylock informed. "In what has been a very impressive first foray in singles competition, Stan Marsh was able to regain the advantage by leaping off the top rope and catching Mario for a DDT, only to make an unbelievable improvisation and drop him with a suplex upon reaching his feet! And then in addition to mudhole stomping him against the steel steps, Stan dropped Mario with a back suplex onto the apron, then followed that up with a drive-by clothesline! Now The South Park Leader has The Champion of Life locked in his signature Sharpshooter! Will Mario tap out? Will we have a new World Television Champion?"

"We better, because if he doesn't, and Mario somehow magically gets out of this submission hold, Stan should just retire and become an assistant on his father's farm!" Shake snapped. "He makes some DAMN FINE pot!"

Mario screamed in agonizing pain as Stan intensified the hold! The referee knelt down and asked The Champion of Life if he wanted to quit. Mario shook his head no as he inched toward the bottom rope! Mario wormed closer and closer to the bottom rope. . .

. . .

. . .extended his arm out. . .

. . .

. . .reached closer and closer for the bottom rope. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .UNTIL SPONGEBOB GRABBED MARIO'S HAND AND PULLED HIM FREE OF STAN'S GRIP, AND UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE, OUT OF THE RING!

"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Frylock shouted. "The Sponge Suplex Machine may have just saved Mario's XCW World Television title reign!"

"Urrrggggh, friendship saves the day YET AGAIN!" groaned Shake. "Ya got a barf bag I can borrow?"

As the fans gave Mario a vehement mixed reaction, Stan turned around and splayed his arms, shouting, "WHAT THE HELL, DUDE? GET BACK IN HERE AND FIGHT ME!" The Champion of Life then stood up and staggered his way back into the ring, clenching his lower back as he slid underneath the bottom rope while the referee shouted at Spongebob, who apologized for his interference in the match. Meanwhile, Mario ate a kick to the midsection from Stan, who turned around for a South Park Stunner. . .

. . .

. . .BUT MARIO GRIPPED STAN'S SIDES AND DROPPED HIM WITH AN ATOMIC DROP BEFORE LIFTING HIM BACK UP FOR A SPINNING SIDEWALK SLAM! Both men were down in the center of the ring crawling toward opposite sides as the crowd exploded into chants of, "LET'S GO STAN MARSH/MARIO! LET'S GO STAN MARSH/MARIO!"

"Mario has been through a world of hurt in this World Television Championship matchup, but has being on the offensive gassed The South Park Leader?" Frylock wondered. "Who's gonna walk out of Peach Creek the XCW World Television Champion?"

Upon reaching their feet, Mario and Stan staggered toward each other until they met in the center of the ring and began trading right hands, with the crowd chanting "YAY!" in unison with Stan's punches and the crowd giving Mario's fists a mix of "YAY!" and "BOO!" chants. The two continued to trade punches until The Champion of Life gained the upper hand when Stan reeled against the ropes following a particularly dazing right fist, and used the opening to take Stan down with a dropkick that brought the South Park Leader to his knees! Mario then gripped Stan's legs and locked him into a Boston Crab!

"Mario's got Stan locked in a Boston Crab!" Frylock called. "The Champion of Life is giving him a taste of his own medicine!"

"I hope Stan's allergic to it!" Shake declared, as the referee knelt down and asked Stan if he wanted to quit. But the South Park Leader shook his head no and inched toward the ropes while Mario wrenched harder and harder onto the hold! Stan was quick to use what remaining strength he had to worm ever closer to the ropes. . .

. . .

. . .extend his arm out. . .

. . .

. . .AND SUCCESSFULLY DRAPE HIS ARM OVER THE BOTTOM ROPE, FORCING MARIO TO BREAK THE HOLD!

"BUT STAN MARSH, IN AN ACT OF INCREDIBLE STRENGTH, HAS FORCED THE ROPE BREAK!" Frylock exclaimed, to a grimace of annoyance from Mario. "And Mario did not like that one bit!"

"Mario should know better!" Shake yelled. "He's NEVER tapped anyone out with the Boston Crab! Give us something new, ya idiot!"

The Champion of Life then pulled Stan off the ropes by the collar of his shirt and lifted him HIGH off his feet in an inverted fireman's carry before dropping The South Park Leader across his knee for a backbreaker! Stan rolled onto his chest after the impact, wincing in agonizing pain until Mario pulled him up in a headlock and dropped him on his head with an Impaler DDT! Mario went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 STAN KICKED OUT! Mario couldn't believe it!

"NO! HOW CLOSE WAS THAT?" Frylock wondered, as Mario pushed himself up to a standing position, pulling Stan up with him by the arm. Mario then wrenched on Stan's arm in a wrist-lock, only for The South Park Leader to counter it with an arm wrench of his own! The Champion of Life winced in pain from the hold until Stan took him down with an armbreaker! Stan went for a cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .MARIO KICKED OUT! Not phased in the slightest, the South Park Leader pulled Mario up by the overalls and slugged him with a three-punch combination that knocked him against the ropes. Stan then Irish whipped him across the ring, only for Mario to counter it with an Irish whip of his own! Mario lifted Stan up for a spinebuster. . .

. . .

. . .BUT STAN COUNTERED IT INTO A FRANKENSTEINER THAT WHIPPED MARIO THROUGH THE ROPES AND ONTO THE APRON! The Champion of Life then slowly but surely pulled himself up to a standing position before leaping onto the top rope in front of him. . .

. . .

. . .and GETTING CAUGHT BY STAN, WHO ADJUSTED HIM IN HIS ARMS BEFORE DRIVING HIS KNEE AGAINST HIS GUT WITH A GUTBUSTER!

"Dear lord! Frylock cringed. "Stan just caught Mario in mid-air and dropped him with a demoralizing maneuver! Will we have a new XCW World Television Champion?"

"And that right there Frylock is EXHIBIT A for why fat people can't wrestle." Shake stated, as Stan hooked the leg for a cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .MARIO KICKED OUT! Stan punched the mat in frustration!

"NO! THE CHAMPION OF LIFE JUST GOT THE SHOULDER UP!" Frylock exclaimed, as Stan reached a standing position and pulled Mario up by the overalls before whacking him with a chop! The South Park Leader then went for another chop. . .

. . .but Mario parried it with a free arm! The Champion of Life then tied Stan up in a side headlock before lifting him up for a sidewalk slam. . .

. . .

. . .ONLY FOR STAN TO FLIP OVER MARIO AND LAND BEHIND HIM! The South Park Leader then gripped Mario by the sides. . .

. . .

. . .AND SENT HIM FLYING INTO THE CORNER WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Mario clenched his neck after the impact and rolled away from the corner while Stan climbed up to the top rope!

"The Champion of Life is looking worse for wear. . .while his challenger is looking to go high-risk! Will it pay off?" Frylock wondered, as Stan waited for Mario to reach his knees. . .

. . .

. . .before leaping off the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND DRIVING MARIO FACE-FIRST ONTO THE MAT WITH A TOP-ROPE LEG DROP BULLDOG!

"STAN MARSH IS PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS IN THIS FIGHT FOR MARIO'S TITLE!" Frylock cried. "WE'RE GONNA HAVE A NEW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION!"

Stan turned Mario onto his back and went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.5 MARIO GOT THE SHOULDER UP! Stan couldn't believe it!

"HOW THE HELL DID MARIO KICK OUTTA THAT?" Shake exclaimed. "His neck has gotta be more shredded than those child support papers I "lost" last week! Sorry not sorry, Juanita!"

"Mario's got the heart of a champion, I'll give him that!" Frylock declared. "Say what you will about his friend Spongebob's involvement in this match, but I truly think The Sponge Suplex Machine is looking out for the well-being of the Champion of Life! There's something admirable about that."

"Yeah and there's something about that that makes me wanna throw up." Shake added, as Stan pulled Mario up and kicked him in the midsection before spinning around for the South Park Stunner. . .

. . .

. . .but Mario gripped Stan's sides and lifted him up for a German suplex. . .

. . .

. . .only for Stan to drop out of it behind Mario and lock him in a waist-lock of his own. . .but Mario backed Stan up against the ropes and him in the face with repeated elbow strikes until The South Park Leader fell over the ropes and onto the apron! Stan pulled himself up with the ropes and went for a slingshot DDT. . .

. . .

. . .UNTIL MARIO CAUGHT HIM AND DROPPED HIM WITH A FALCON ARROW! Mario went for the cover 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .STAN KICKED OUT! The Champion of Life furrowed his brow in anger while pulling Stan up by his shirt and lifting him off his feet to take him down with a scoop slam! Mario then raised a peace sign to a mixed reaction from the crowd before stepping toward the corner and climbing up to the top rope!

"Mario may be hurting, but he's doing everything he can to live up to his promise to be a great World Television Champion!" Frylock called. "The fans are on their feet for his trademark high risk maneuver!"

"Good for those goddamn sheep! I wanna see him slip and break his neck!" Shake said, as Mario raised a second peace sign high above his head for the crowd. . .

. . .

. . .before leaping off the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND LANDING THE SUPER MARIO SPLASH ONTO STAN!

"THE SUPER MARIO SPLASH CONNECTS!" Frylock exclaimed, as the fans exploded with a mix of cheers and boos!

"MARIO'S ABOUT TO RETAIN!" added Frylock, before The Champion of Life went for the cover! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .STAN PUT HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE, FORCING THE REFEREE TO STOP THE COUNT!

"NO! THIS MATCH CONTINUES!" screamed Frylock. "Smart ring awareness from the South Park Leader!"

Mario slapped the canvas with both hands in frustration before reaching his knees and pulling on his hat in anger. The Champion of Life then pulled Stan up by the shirt and pummeled him with a swift series of right and left hands that sent him reeling back-first into a corner. Mario then backed up into the opposing corner, then raised two peace signs above his head to cheers from the crowd before charging forward. . .

. . .

. . .AND LANDING A RUNNING CANNONBALL SENTON ONTO STAN! Mario then pulled Stan into the center of the ring by the leg and went to put Stan into a sharpshooter of his own, but Stan kicked him into a nearby corner face-first! The South Park Leader then slowly but surely stood up and went for a back suplex, only for Mario to hit Stan with a haymaker to fight out of his grasp! The Champion of Life then picked Stan up into a fireman's carry position on his shoulders. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPED HIM WITH THE NINTENDOZER! Mario then went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.75 STAN KICKED OUT! Mario raised three fingers in the referee's direction, insisting the count was three, but the referee insisted the count was two!

"Mario landed one of his classic finishing maneuvers, but it still didn't put Stan Marsh away!" Frylock called. "The Champion of Life may have met his match!"

"Yeah, Stan's gonna put this man in a retirement home by himself if he keeps this up!" Shake added, as Mario pulled Stan up by the shirt and Irish whipped him into a corner, only for Stan to counter it into an Irish whip of his own! The Champion of Life hit the corner HARD thanks to the force of Stan's counter, and stumbled out of it in a daze. . .

. . .

. . .RIGHT INTO A PENDULUM BACKBREAKER! Stan then pulled Mario up by the overalls and drug him back toward the corner, sitting him on the top rope!

"Stan Marsh knows that backbreaker did a number on his opponent, but it's not gonna win him the World Television Championship!" Frylock called, "Will this high risk maneuver do it?"

"How many more lives does Mario HAVE?" Shake wondered. "This move BETTER handicap him for good!"

With the fans on their feet with anticipation, Stan then stood on the top rope. . .

. . .

. . .and draped Mario's arm across his back before lifting him up. . .

. . .

. . .AND TOOK HIM DOWN WITH A VERTICAL SUPERPLEX!

"WHAT ELEVATION FROM STAN MARSH!" Frylock exclaimed. "This could be it! We're gonna have a new XCW World Television Champion!"

"YEAH! TAKE THAT YA OLD FATASS!" Shake yelled, as Stan went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .MARIO KICKED OUT! Stan pulled on his stocking cap, hitting the mat with his heel in anger!

"NO! THE CHAMPION OF LIFE JUST GOT THE SHOULDER UP! AND STAN IS APOPLECTIC!" Frylock observed.

"Come on, Stan! You really can't beat an egomaniacal plumber with a superiority complex?!" Shake yelled, as Stan pulled Mario up by the overalls and slugged him into the corner behind him with a three-punch combination. The South Park Leader then Irish whipped Mario across the ring-but Mario countered it with an Irish whip of his own. . .

. . .

. . .UNTIL STAN LEAPT BACKWARD TO REVERSE HIS MOMENTUM WITH A JUMPING BACK ELBOW SMASH!

"NO! STAN SAW THE COUNTER COMING! HE'S GOT MARIO RIGHT BACK WHERE HE WANTS HIM!" Frylock yelled, as Stan lifted Mario out of the corner and onto one of his shoulders before charging toward the opposite corner. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPING HIM WITH A FRONT POWERSLAM!

"WHAT STRENGTH FROM THE SOUTH PARK LEADER!" Frylock exclaimed. "That had to have taken a lot out of him!"

"Yeah, nice going, dumbass!" Shake shouted. "The next move you make is gonna be your LAST at this rate!"

"It looks like Stan's aiming for just that, Shake. . ." Frylock said, as he observed The South Park Leader pulling Mario up to the middle rope! ". . .what the hell does he have planned for the Champion of Life?"

Stan then set Mario between his legs, lifting his feet off the canvas. . .

. . .

. . .before leaping off the middle rope. . .

. . .

. . .AND DROPPING MARIO ON HIS HEAD WITH A DIVING PILEDRIVER!

"BAH GAWD SHAKE!" cringed Frylock. "STAN MAY HAVE JUST BROKEN MARIO'S NECK!"

"IT'S GAME OVER FOR MARIO! GAME OVER FOR HIS TITLE REIGN!" Shake yelled. "AND GAME OVER FOR HIS GODDAMN CAREER!"

"WILL STAN MARSH WIN THIS OPEN CHALLENGE?" screamed Frylock, as Stan turned Mario onto his back and went for the cover, hooking the leg! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .2.75 MARIO KICKED OUT!

"NOOOOOO! MARIO STILL WON'T GO DOWN!" Frylock screamed, as Stan shouted a curse word off-mic in frustration!

"OH GIMME A BREAK!" Shake yelled. "MARIO THINKS HE'S THE CHAMPION OF LIFE, BUT HE'S ABOUT TO BECOME THE CHAMPION OF CRIPPLES!"

With his teeth grit and brow furrowed in anger, The South Park Leader pulled a dazed Mario up by the overalls one more time. . .

. . .

. . .and flipped him off before kicking him in the midsection. . .

. . .

. . .and getting shoved into the ropes in front of him by Mario. . .

. . .

. . .WHILE SPONGEBOB STOOD ON THE RING APRON!

"STAN WENT FOR THE SOUTH PARK STUNNER AGAIN, BUT MARIO FOUND A SECOND WIND!" Frylock screamed. "HE CREATED SPACE FOR HIMSELF-"

"WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL IS SPONGEBOB DOING?" Shake asked, as Stan hit the ropes in front of him. . .

. . .

. . .AND RIGHT INTO SPONGEBOB, WHO FELL ON THE RINGSIDE FLOOR AFTER THE IMPACT!

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Shake screamed. "THAT IDIOT SPONGEBOB PUT HIMSELF IN HARM'S WAY TO DAZE STAN!"

The South Park Leader then turned around, reeling in confusion. . .

. . .

. . .UNTIL MARIO TOOK HIM DOWN WITH A 1-UPPERCUT!

"THE JUMPING UPPERCUT CONNECTS!" exclaimed Frylock. "MARIO'S SUPREME JUMPING ABILITY MAKES ITS WAY IN THIS MATCH AGAIN!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO! WHY ISN'T THE REF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT SPONGEBOB?!" Shake yelled. "I'M ABOUT TO GO FULL KAREN ON THIS RETARD!"

"Referee's discretion, Shake!" Frylock replied. "In his mind, Spongebob didn't do enough to warrant a disqualification! So Mario has to be thankful for that assist. . .

. . .

. . .AND IT'S ABOUT TO SHOW BECAUSE HE LOOKS TO BE RETURNING THE FAVOR!"

Indeed, after holding up two peace signs and exclaiming, "IIIIIIII'M READY!", Mario had pulled Stan into a front face lock. . .

. . .

. . .then lifted him up before running forward. . .

. . .

. . .AND SLAMMING HIM DOWN WITH THE SPONGY EDGE!

"WHAT A TRIBUTE TO HIS NEW BEST FRIEND!" Frylock shouted, as The Champion of Life pulled Stan by the legs into the center of the ring! 1. . .

. . .

2. . .

. . .

. . .3!

"AND WHAT A VICTORY FOR THE CHAMPION OF LIFE!" finished Frylock, as the crowd erupted with a mixed reaction while Mario rolled off the cover, chuckling in between winces once the bell rang!

"The winner of this match. . .AAAAAAAAND STILL. . .the Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling. . .TELEVISION CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD. . .THE CHAMPION OF LIFE. . .MAAAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"It took help from Spongebob Squarepants to get it done, but Mario is still the XCW World Television Champion!" Frylock informed. "But you've gotta give Stan Marsh all the credit in the world for making this week's open challenge his toughest to date! He pulled out all the stops he could with solid technical wrestling in addition to high risk maneuvers! To come as close as he did to winning a title in his first match without the South Park Four at ringside is no small feat! I'm confident that Stan Marsh's singles career has a bright future, but tonight, the odds were stacked against him 2 to 1, and in the end, it was that numbers game that helped Mario achieve a second consecutive title defense, and as long as The Sponge Suplex Machine is in his corner, the title will stay around the waist of the Champion of Life!"

The referee raised Mario's arm in victory after giving him the XCW World Television Championship title belt. After the referee left the ring, Spongebob came into the ring from above the second rope and raised the hand of Mario, who raised the XCW World Television title belt high above his head with his other hand.

"You sure do sound HAPPY about the fact that Mario got away with CHEATING in order to win!" Shake yelled. "Stan broke this fatass's BACK, he broke his NECK, he exhausted his own personal strength, and yet thanks to some moronic yellow sponge that's WAY past his prime, he's coming home empty-goddamned-handed! The fact that this kid couldn't beat two glory hogs that belong in a CEMETERY says a LOT about his true level of talent here tonight! Stan Marsh ain't NOTHING without the South Park Four, and he ain't nothing WITH 'EM, either! They're as good as done for, Frylock, and that's a fact! Meanwhile, these two old men have done it all! They don't need to rub their greatness in the face of everyone they meet in the ring! I can't wait for these two fossils to get the ass-kicking that they're asking for!"

Mario and Spongebob were about to celebrate by stepping on opposite corners. . .

. . .

. . .until. . .

. . .

. . .white noise could be heard from the Titantron?

"I'm sure that whoever steps up to them next, will be someone that they'll conquer together, Shake. . .but what the hell is going on. . .?" Frylock wondered, as Mario and Spongebob looked up at the Titantron. . .

. . .

. . .and stepped off their corners to meet in the center of the ring, as the crowd EXPLODED with boos as the following words appeared on the Titantron over a black screen:

---

The following announcement has been paid for by the Knighthood of Assassins.

The Titantron then cut to TV static again. . .

. . .

. . .before revealing Hotsuma sitting on the throne in an ominously-lit throne room, slow clapping in Mario's direction.

"Well done, Mario. . ." Hotsuma said, in a low voice. ". . .you remain Xtreme Cartoon Wrestling World Television Champion after a successful defense. Yet you did it with the assistance of your closest ally. Cowardly. . .yet not unexpected. You're doing exactly what I thought you would do as the XCW World Television Champion. . .that's part of the reason why I gifted you the title in the first place with my involvement at Abolishment. Because the truth is, Mario. . .you have a lot in common with one of our members. . .your first rival in this company. . .the Assassin For Life. . .Bugs Bunny."

The crowd EXPLODED with boos and chants of, "SET BUGS FREE! SET BUGS FREE!" while Mario and Spongebob scowled up at the Titantron.

"You are two of the most decorated men this industry's ever seen. . .and you have achieved unparalleled success in both your respective mediums. . .but you have also held your longest-tenured allies back from their own successes. . .despite being over the hill yourselves. You two are old men in the twilight of your careers. The DIFFERENCE between you and Bugs, however. . .you find new allies when you're in need of satisfying your superiority complex. I watched your entire contest tonight, and guarantee that if your NEWEST comrade weren't by your side for EITHER of your previous contests. . .you would not be wearing the gold around your waist tonight. Your career would have been as dead as Bugs' old moniker. . .while mine is just beginning. I achieved my vengeance against the former World Television Champion with my involvement at Abolishment. . .and now I wish to challenge for your title, proper.

That said, upon witnessing your friend's antics tonight. . .it's clear he would be a nuisance regardless of stipulation. So this can go one of two ways, depending on the offer you accept. I challenge you, Mario. . .AND YOUR FRIEND. . .to a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH for your championship at Ecstasy of Gold. There, you two can futilely prove your loyalties to each other. . .and be executed by my skills. But the OTHER way. . .can end your legacy on a valiant note, Mario. It can end with no violence, or long lasting pain. I. . .want to help you on your path towards glory. I. . .want to take over. . .this company. I. . .want to usher in a NEW era of fiction wrestling. . .where ALL its competitors fight. . .with HONOR. AMONG. ASSASSINS. And you can join the former icon Bugs in building a new, better legacy for yourselves. . .

. . .

. . .by becoming a full-fledged member. . .of the Knighthood."

"WHAT?!" Frylock exclaimed, as the crowd exploded with chants of, "NO! NO! NO!" Meanwhile, Mario and Spongebob reacted with aghast, wide-eyed expressions on their faces.

"What do you say. . .Mario. . .?" Hotsuma wondered, with a sinister grin on his face. "Which do you choose. . .?"

Mario and Spongebob whispered something to each other off-mic, before Mario and Spongebob looked up at the Titantron, upon which, The Sponge Suplex Machine said. . .

"We're READY. . .

. . .

. . .for a FIGHT!"

To which, the fans EXPLODED with massive cheers, while Hotsuma looked on with a grimace. . .

. . .

. . .until, from out of nowhere. . .

. . .

. . ."Smoke and Mirrors" by Jim Johnston played, and the fans ERUPTED with boos as Smokey The Bear followed Arthur Read onto the stage with his free hand clenched in a fist and his other hand holding a microphone.

"NOT SO FAST, HOTSUMA!" Arthur shouted, with an angered expression on his face. "You can't leave me out of this conversation THAT easily! You may have your diabolical reasons for challenging Mario for the XCW World Television Championship. . .and you may still hold a grudge against me for getting you kicked out of the Rookie Revolution all those months ago. . .but I am the FIRST PBS Kid! I am the SMARTEST, MOST INTELLIGENT wrestler in this company! I have a RIGHT to a rematch for the World Television Championship, and I want that, AND my revenge. . .ON ALL OF YOU! So this match is not happening without ME, whether you like it or NOT! Because I am a General of the Rookie Revolution, and at Ecstasy of Gold. . .the Revolution MUST. . .BE. . .TELEVISED!"

The crowd shouted chants of, "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" at Arthur Read, while Smokey The Bear scanned the arena, shaking his head in dismay. Meanwhile, Mario and Spongebob carried another off-mic conversation before the Champion of Life looked up the ramp at Arthur.

"Mamma mia. . .both your Revolution AND the Knighthood are like cancers. You grow and-a you grow, and-a you GROW. . .but no matter when someone inevitably stomps on-a you and-a shrinks you down to normal size, you just-a CAN'T GO AWAY." Mario said into the microphone. "But I would-a be more than-a HAPPY to make-a my defense at Ecstasy of Gold a Fatal Four-Way match, Arthur. . .and you know-a why? Because I. . .am-a The Champion of Life! The Greatest Champion EVER! ONE of-a the TWO Kings of Greatness! And AS-a SUCH. . .I can-a conquer ANYTHING I set-a my mind to, no matter the odds! And you should-a know this-a too, Hotsuma. . .because you and I fought in the Fatal 4-Way that crowned the first-ever XCW World-a Heavyweight Champion the very FIRST night we were on-a air! That ended with me making-a history. . .and THIS Fatal Four-Way will be history making, as well. . .whether it's SPONGEBOB walking out of Toontown as the XCW World Television Champion. . .or whether IT'S-A ME. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Mario threw the microphone down to the canvas, looking back and forth from the eyes of Arthur on the stage and on the Titantron into those of Hotsuma, who slowly nodded in acceptance of their terms as "Teen Beat Ocean" rang throughout the arena once more.

"There's more ecstasy to be had at Ecstasy of Gold, Shake!" Frylock declared. "Because now Mario is taking on not ONE, but THREE challengers for his World Television Championship! The First PBS Kid, Arthur Read, The Knighthood Leader, Hotsuma, and his own friend, The Sponge Suplex Machine, Spongebob Squarepants! We're gonna learn who the better man is between these three competitors AND where Mario and Spongebob's loyalties truly lie!"

"And it's a fatal four way match for a reason, Frylock!" Shake reminded. "There's no count-outs OR disqualifications! They can use whatever weapons they want to and take each other wherever they want as long as the match is won in the ring! I hope we see one or ALL of these men die! It's gonna be one hell of a bloodbath that I can't wait to see!"

Mario and Spongebob stared down Hotsuma and Arthur respectively from the ring until the show transitioned to a commercial break.

---

Alrighty, there's part one! As always, let me know what you think of my booking, and if my storylines and characters are inconsistent anywhere.

Part two will come soon, but until then. . .please READ, REACT AND REVIEEEEEEEEEEW! XD