It is spying, even if you're the King
If Arthur thought that Merlin was in a snit before, then now Merlin is deeply offended. When Merlin was hurt because Arthur told him off, Merlin went into his 'perfect manservant' routine, with 'Sire' and 'my lord' peppering his sentences and lots of bowing and polite phrases.
Then Arthur used those discs and watched Merlin's day through his eyes and Merlin is now seriously angry. Meek, mild Merlin is being quietly aggressive and Arthur doesn't know what to do about it.
He is following Arthur everywhere, standing a foot behind him, the only exception being during training, when he just watches Arthur unwaveringly. Normally, Merlin would slope off to do 'chores', but now he has asked other servants to bring meals and do the laundry so he can watch his master, and he is doing it all with an angry expression on his face and, worst of all, in silence.
Never, in all his years, has he felt chastised by a servant. Servants are supposed to be there to obey and bow and generally obey him, but Merlin has always been different.
"Merlin?" Arthur has tried speaking to him many times during the past few days. He has tried ordering, shouting, threatening and even apologising, but Merlin has remained staring at him stonily. Now Arthur is feeling like his world is ending.
"Merlin, please speak to me?" Arthur has never, ever, not in his whole life, used this tone of voice before. "Please explain to me?"
To Arthur's astonishment, Merlin pushes himself away from the wall and comes to stand in front of his king with his arms finally unfolded.
"How do you like being followed and watched, Sire?" Merlin asks with glittering eyes showing his anger. "Do you feel like your privacy has been invaded? Do you feel like your secrets may be spilled, my lord?"
Arthur really wants to laugh patronisingly and remind Merlin that his servant has no secrets, but he actually feels a little intimidated. If Merlin were to turn against him…
"I hate it," Arthur replies honestly. "Please, Merlin, sit down?"
Arthur shouldn't be surprised that Merlin seeks confirmation that he really is allowed to sit. Arthur has played that trick on him too many times, but he nods and Merlin sits. For once, though, Merlin doesn't look awkward sitting in front of his master.
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to know what is going on in my castle," Arthur finds himself explaining. "Gaius said that there is someone in the castle who has done more for me than I will ever know, and… I wanted to know what he was talking about."
"Why me?" Merlin demands. "Is it because I'm just a servant and therefore it doesn't matter what you do to me?"
"No!" Arthur protests in astonishment and sees something relax a little in Merlin's expression. "Honestly, no. I was going to go with Leon, or one of the knights and then… could you imagine following Gwaine around like that?"
Thank all the gods! Merlin just smiled a little.
"I chose you because… Merlin, I trust you. I know that you go all over the castle and I wanted to see what was going on without me being there… and I'm glad I did. I had no idea that my uncle was mistreating you. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you would never have believed me," Merlin replies bluntly.
"Yes, I would!"
"No… you never believe me. You never listen to me and you just think I'm an idiot," Merlin asserts, looking at his hands which are clasped in his lap. The anger is back.
"I listened when you thought that the maps to the tunnels had been stolen," Arthur argues.
"Only just, and then you threatened me with banishment," Merlin replies quietly. He sounds so defeated and Arthur feels really bad for his friend. Merlin then looks up and there are tears in his eyes. "Everything I do is for you," he announces sadly. "Every waking hour is spent in your service and I have given up everything for you."
"You're the king's manservant!" Arthur asserts himself, because, really, Merlin is just a peasant and his life is so much better here than in his poor little village. "I don't think that position has ever been given to someone who wasn't brought up in the castle."
"And it took me years to work out how to do half of my job," Merlin admits. "And all the while you remind me how bad I am at it."
"So what, exactly, have you had to give up?"
Merlin looks into his eyes and Arthur sees a bit of anger and a lot of sadness. "My mum, my friend, any chance of love or happiness for myself… all I have is you and so I have devoted myself and my life to you and… you don't believe me. You think I'm an incompetent idiot who can be pushed about, teased, beaten…"
"I have told Agravaine that he is not allowed to command you, or train you, or whatever he thought he was doing," Arthur informs him. It was weird being so angry with his uncle, but Agravaine played it straight and explained that he was trying to train Merlin properly. "I told him that I like you the way you are."
Merlin's face lights up and Arthur is astonished at how one simple non-compliment can make him happy again. Every instinct in Arthur is telling him to remind his servant that they aren't friends, that Merlin is an idiot and rubbish at his job, but then he sees Merlin's face drop again and he is waiting for something.
"What?"
"This is normally where you remind me how incompetent I am," Merlin shrugs, misery returning.
"No… I…"
"Do you mind if I go back to doing my job like the rubbish, useless servant that I am? My lord?" Merlin stands up and wipes his eyes with his long sleeves when his back is turned.
Arthur is astonished again. He thought that Merlin was happy and that the whole 'idiot' thing was just a teasing thing between them. Like when Merlin calls him fat when he knows that Arthur is just muscly.
"Sit down."
Merlin hesitates, but then he turns back and obeys.
Arthur is a king, so he decides to take charge. "Tell me what is really bothering you. I will listen and I will not be angry."
"You can't promise that, Sire."
"Yes I can. I'm the king."
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Merlin!"
Merlin nods with a small smile. "May I ask an impertinent question?"
"You've never asked for permission before!" Arthur grins. Merlin being impertinent is the status quo after all.
"Why is it OK for you to use magic, but not for anyone else?"
"What?" Arthur feels like he's just been thumped in the solar plexus. "When did I use magic?"
"Those brooches are magic. You used them"
"I… I didn't…" Arthur flounders. He used magic. He contravened one of the most fundamental laws his father set down and… "I used magic," he admits, surprised. "I didn't think of it as magic… they were just brooches that… um…"
"Did something impossible?" Merlin asks drily, channelling Gaius. "So it's ok for you to do it, but if I did it, you'd chop off my head?"
"I wouldn't chop off your head," Arthur replies flatly. Weirdly, that makes Merlin perk up.
"You wouldn't kill me if I turned out to be a sorcerer or something?"
"You're not a sorcerer, Merlin," Arthur drawls because the idea is preposterous.
"But if… say I had been lying to you all this time… and I had been using magic just to help people… what would you do?"
Merlin seems weirdly earnest in this hypothetical question. His eyes are full of hope.
"I'd know if you were lying to me," Arthur scoffs because Merlin is an idiot.
"But what would you do? Say I had been hiding magic, but using it to save your life… or… or something."
"I don't know… I'd probably throw you in the dungeons for a while, or the stocks, and then… I don't know. I'd be pretty cross. I hate it when you lie to me."
"Your uncle Agravaine is plotting against you with Morgana," Merlin suddenly announces out of the blue.
"What?"
"I have no proof whatsoever, and I know that you think I'm cross because he has been mistreating me, but…"
"He's my uncle," Arthur sighs.
"Use the brooches again, sire. Put one on him and follow him all day like you did to me."
"I'm not spying on my uncle!"
"But you already did, my lord," Merlin points out, arms folding again. "You watched him through me. If you follow him all day, maybe I can be proved right… or wrong."
Arthur sits back and thinks. He does owe Merlin… kind of, after all he is a servant and he is supposed to obey all his master's whims, but the puppy eyes are getting to him.
"OK, Merlin. Tonight is Beltane, so we will all be hungover by morning, but in the afternoon I will put one of the brooches on my uncle and watch him until the evening."
Merlin's smile is blinding. Seriously, he could light up the citadel if he were a shiny candle and like that, things are right again between master and servant.
Beltane will be interesting… and hindsight is 20/20.