Thank you KoalaTakingNotes for requesting this one!
Warnings: crack-treated-seriously, my poor attempt at humour, and rated T for Toph
"Alright, move over Sparky," Toph grumbled, "Let the blind girl through."
She elbowed him for good measure, and was satisfied to hear an oof . The group was getting too sappy lately - Toph needed to make sure she asserted dominance.
"You can't even see the show," Katara mumbled, "Why do you have to be in front?"
Toph didn't deign to answer, instead climbing on top of Sokka's shoulders to get a better "view". If she was entirely honest - and she was never - she didn't care about the show. She just wanted to bother her friends.
"I remember they used to have these kinds of shows in the coastal towns I visited, back in the ady," Aang said, like an oblivious grandpa, "Though I don't think their hypnosis actually works."
"Of course they don't!" Sokka exclaimed, "Science doesn't work like that. Toph, stop moving."
"I can't see."
"Oh, we can move over - hey ."
Toph laughed, kicking him lightly for good measure, "Why do you always fall for that, Snoozles?"
"He's not very smart," Katara said, distracted, "Now hush, it's starting."
Toph got bored quickly, closing her eyes to listen to the crowd instead. Some boy was gossiping about a cute person they just saw, a mother was trying to calm her kid, and absolutely no one had anything interesting to say.
Except that one guy who was bemoaning cabbages for some reason. Strange.
It was a sound that caught Toph's attention. A high ringing, increasing in pitch as time went. Toph batted at her ears, trying to figure out what was going on.
"And now! When I say the word, you will answer completely honestly to every question I ask!" the guy on the stage proclaimed, "Ready? Go!"
Toph's world tilted as the sound pierced through her skull and knocked her unconscious.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"Calm down Kat - "
"I will NOT calm down, Toph's still unconscious."
"Actually," Toph rolled out of the makeshift bed, "I'm fine."
They were backstage, and Toph could feel her friends and one (1) extra trembling figure between them, being thoroughly threatened by everyone except Aang. Toph would join in the threatening, but she felt a little dizzy.
"How are you feeling?"
"A little dizzy - woah." Toph blinked, "That wasn't what I meant to say."
"I - it's the hypnosis - " the man squeaked, "It worked!"
Sokka's sword was at his throat in an instant, "What do you mean it worked . Hypnosis isn't meant to work ."
The man straightened, "As a man of science I- "
"As a man of science," Sokka seethed, "I suggest you choose your next words very carefully."
The man deflated instantly, "What I mean to say is - um - it uses very high frequencies and a bit of both fire and waterbending, see. All very nuanced - "
Zuko huffed, "I don't think he has a fucking clue how he does it."
They all groaned.
"What's done is done," Aang said, "Actually, what is done?"
"Well," the man shuffled through some paper, "According to this, she'll be unable to tell a lie for the next twelve hours …"
Toph clamped her mouth shut. Hell no . Abso-fucking-lutely not. This was so unfair . Why couldn't it be Katara who got hit with this dumb shit? She was a goody-toe-shoes, Toph had way too much to hide.
"Can you undo it?" Suki demanded.
"Ma'am, I'm just the performer, ma'am. I do what my bosses tell me."
"And where are you bosses?"
The man shuddered, "Ba Sing Se."
They all had a feeling there were no bosses in Ba Sing Se anymore.
"Well, I guess we have to ride it out," Aang said cheerfully, "Do you want to hurt this man, Toph?"
For once, the Truth and Toph aligned. "Absolutely."
The man whimpered. Aang smiled wider. Kid was actually insane - Toph respected that.
"We'll be back for you," Sokka said, "And if you even think of running …"
He gulped, "I'll be right here."
Toph sighed, "Can we get some food, I'm hungry."
"What do you want to eat?" Sokka asked the group in general.
Something with super-hot fireflakes cause I can take it like a TOPH, "Sugar."
Silence.
"Oh," Aang said softly, "This will be fun."
Respect redacted.
"What's your favourite colour?"
"Green."
"What shade - "
Sokka groaned, "Katara, your questions are boring ."
"My turn," Suki chirped, and Toph could tell her eyes were glinting with malicious intent™, "What's the most embarrassing thing you've done?"
Toph stuffed her face with food before she replied, hoping none of them were dumb enough to actually understand -
Sokka started choking, "You …" he laughed, clutching his stomach, "The Boulder …"
Toph was on the table in an instant, careful to avoid the food. She grabbed the boy by his collar, bringing his face close and gripping tight enough to crack her knuckles.
"One word, Snoozles," she snarled, "And I'm ripping that tongue out."
Zuko patted his quivering shoulder, "She speaks the truth."
"I ... I think I peed myself."
"What happens if you try to lie?" Sokka speculated, as dessert arrived.
"Oh!" Katara clapped her hands enthusiastically, "Try saying 'my name is Katara'"
Toph glared in her general direction, her tongue feeling strangely heavy.
"My name is Kat -" her tongue twisted, "Kat - My name is Kat - my name - Kat - TOPH!" Toph had, miraculously, found herself standing on the table again, "TOPH BEIFONG, AND I'M THE GREATEST EARTHBENDER IN THE WORLD. I CAN KICK ALL Y'ALL ASSES!"
"Well, shit," Suki mumbled, "So that's the real Toph."
Their waiter sighed, "Please stop stepping on the tables, Miss Beifong."
"Fuck no, did you not hear what I just said - hey - !"
They were kicked out of the restaurant.
"Your food was terrible anyway!" Sokka yelled.
"Yea - actually it was good - dammit - " This truth thing really wasn't working for Toph.
"Well, I think this will be good for you, Toph," Katara said in her mom-voice, "You'll learn that fists don't always solve everything - sometimes you have to use your words too -"
"That skirt looks drab on you."
"On the other hand," Katara probably smiled that scary smile, because everyone else's heart rates picked up, "I think violence is great sometimes!"
"Okay, let's calm down," Aang said, "We just need to get through today, right? Things'll go back to normal tomorrow."
"Thank the Spirits, this is exhausting," Toph said, "Is this how people feel when I see right through their lies?" she considered, "Nah, they're more pathetic."
"I can't tell if that's ego or confidence," Sokka murmured.
"We should probably head back to the house," Suki suggested, "Ride this out there."
They all nodded their agreement, but Katara stopped moving.
"Shit," she said - wait, Sweetness can swear? - "Fire Nation guards."
"What do we do?" Aang asked.
"Scatter," Sokka said, grabbing Toph's hand and pulling her along.
Suki and Aang went together, and Katara and Zuko. Toph reached out into the earth, focusing on tracking the movements of the guards. They had definitely spotted them, because they were coming towards them, a couple of them breaking off to follow Aang.
"Katara and Zuko should be safe," Toph reported, "Most of them are coming towards us."
"The universe is against me," Sokka hissed, pulling her into the crowd in an effort to lose them.
The crowd shifted nervously, the clanking of metal armour from the guards drawing attention. The Fire Nation was nothing if not loyal, because people were starting to glance suspiciously at them, some moving to stop them.
Sokka and Toph were sleek, but they were also not here for a fight.
Her hand slipped from his grasp, and she reached out blindly to get to him again, but the moving crowd split them off.
A hand on her shoulder.
"Fuck."
"Little girls shouldn't swear," the guard said.
In a situation like this one, often Toph's go-to response is to act helpless. It's very satisfying to see people pity her, give her an opening in their dumbness, and then cry to their mommies when she beats the shit out of them.
Unfortunately, Truth is not her friend, so instead of:
"I'm but a poor, helpless, blind child."
She skipped straight to the:
"I'm going to kick your asses so hard shit's gonna go flying out of your fucking mouth."
Not Toph's proudest line of dialogue, but she was too busy trying to think of a way out or a half-truth that could help her somehow.
Her feet sought out Sokka, who was trying to talk his way out of his own problem. No help there.
"What's your name?" one of them growled.
Toph clamped her mouth shut, but the compulsion was too strong. "T - Toph Beifong."
"Beifang?" the other guard said cheerfully, "I know a Beifang."
"Beifong, idiot!" Growly snapped, "Isn't she with the Avatar?"
"The Avatar's here on Ember Island?" Cheerio asked. Cheerfully.
Sokka had managed to escape, so that was good. The other guard sauntered over to them, "So?"
"Little girl's with the Avatar," Growly reported.
"Little girl's going to rip your tongue out," Toph muttered back darkly.
The third guard - Ugly, Toph decided - laughed, "Sure thing kiddo. Tie her up."
How could you do this to a child, "Probably a good idea."
Dammit, she really needed to keep her mouth shut.
They put her in a metal cage, which was a dumb idea. They tie her up, which was a smart idea. All in all, they average out at meh intelligence.
While Toph was the Greatest Earthbender Ever, she still hadn't mastered bending with her hands and feet. Apparently, some asshole named Bumi could bend with his chin, but he was the Earth King of Omashu so Toph thought that anyone who was handed a city and lost it couldn't be that great.
(So she was a little salty that Aang thought she was second best thanks to Bumi. Sue her.)
"Do you want some stew?" Cheerio asked.
"Don't feed the prisoner," Growly snapped, "And get away from there. No clue what these savages can do …"
"My friends are going to come for me," Toph said, which, dammit, she was going to say something much less friendly.
"We know," Ugly drawled, "We're counting on it."
"Dinner's ready!" Cheerio sung out.
It smelled like meat, something Toph had been dearly missing due to the team's low-funds. If funds counted as the Blue Spirit going out and stealing shit, and giving into Aang's puppy-dog eyes on strictly vegetarian foods.
"Is that komodo-chicken?" Toph asked.
"Oh yes," Cheerio replied, "My mother's favourite."
Growly growled, "My mama never cooked me shit."
"Don't swear in front of the little kid," Cheerio scolded.
Growly had been renamed Mommy-Issues. And Cheerio was nice, maybe Toph would spare beating him into a pulp.
"Your mama sounds like my kinda gal," Toph laughed, "She probably hated your fucking face."
"So she can swear but I can't?!"
"All of you shut the fuck up!" Ugly yelled, "Agni, I just want some peace and quiet, is that too much to ask?"
"Yes," Toph said immediately, because she was a compulsive truther..
Ugly slammed his hands on the table, getting up, "Listen here you little bitch - "
"Sir, please, she's just a kid - "
"Who cares?" Ugly - Fuckface, really - shouted back, "She's pissing me off."
Cheerio flinched back. That was the last straw. No one talked down to her favourite bitch, especially not Fuckface.
"You couldn't take me on," Toph said honestly, "You'd die, unless I was being nice, and I'm always being nice because Aang makes me. I understand why you're not fighting me, Fuckface. You have every right to be scared."
"I'm not scared," Fuckface hissed, "You, undo her bindings."
"But sir - " Mommy-Issues protested.
"Are you afraid of a little girl?" Fuckface and Toph said at the same time.
They untied her hands and let her out of the cage.
"Well?" Fuckface smirked, "Come at me."
Toph put a hand on her cage, metal bending under her palms.
"I promise to be merciful," she said sincerely.
She could taste their fear.
"We're here to rescue - " Sokka paused, "You?"
"Oh hey," Toph greeted, picking her teeth clean with a bone, "Meet my new friends. Cheerio, Mommy-Issues and Fuckface."
Fuckface opened his mouth to protest. Then closed it. What a fucker.
"I see you had it covered," Suki said, sounding mildly impressed, "You okay?"
"Yup!" Toph frowned, "Still Truthing though."
"What did you do to th - actually," Katara stepped around Cheerio, "I don't want to know."
"If you asked me I'd be compelled to tell you the truth," Toph said gleefully, "Please ask."
"Nope," Zuko said, "What do we do with them?"
"We can let them go," Toph shrugged, "They won't be telling anyone. Will they? "
"No," Mommy-Issues squeaked.
Toph gave him a satisfied pat.
Aang said, "I'm glad you're safe."
"Me too," Sokka replied, "Though I'm starting to think we were worried about the wrong person."
Fondly, Suki ruffled Toph's hair, "Our little psycho."
Toph smiled at the five of them, "I missed you guys."
(Twelve hours had been over a while ago. Toph didn't need to tell the truth anymore but. They didn't need to know that.)
"Honesty is fucking great," Toph said happily, "I brought those bitches to their knees!"
Sokka turned to Zuko, murmuring lowly, "Maybe we should set her on Ozai instead?"
Zuko hesitated, "Dunno if I'm willing to even let him face that."
Toph cackled.
Aang was very happy she was on their side.
AN: Hope you enjoyed, feel free to leave requests or asks on tumblr concernedbrownbread