Damn, back at it again got this idea and had to write it.
Reviews give me life.
I still own nothing.
"GARFIELD MARK LOGAN! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!" Raven screamed, eyes red.
"WHAT!? RAE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" A perplexed looking Beast boy shouted back.
A sleep-deprived Robin entered the kitchen while Beast boy and Raven argued, it'd been over a year since they had gotten together, and their excessive physicality was still a problem, he opened the fridge to get the orange juice when he got dragged into the argument.
"Rob, back me up here, why are you so sleepy today?" Beast boy asked pleadingly.
"Because you two animals were up all night fornicating." Robin usually wasn't this cranky, but he hadn't had his coffee yet.
"WE DID NO SUCH THING!" Raven yelled outraged.
"Ok, ok, making love. Rae calm down." Beast boy said in a soothing voice, trying to calm Raven down.
"Garfield, I didn't touch you last night!" Raven said almost between gritted teeth.
"Well it certainly sounded like you, friend Raven." Starfire said as she floated in, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"What?!...I don't remember..." Raven suddenly seemed panicky.
"What's with all the commotion?" Cyborg said, walking into the kitchen.
"Cyborg, did you hear us having sex last night?" Beast boy asked bluntly.
Cyborg made a horrified face before gagging. "UGH! WHY?! I DON'T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE! NO! I know better than to let my audio connection on during the night with you four nasties around." He headed for the cupboard and got out a box of cereal and a bowl.
"That's still 3 out of 5." Beast boy said, almost to himself.
"Do I even want to know what's going on?" Cyborg asked as he sat down to eat his cereal.
"Raven doesn't remember giving me this hickey on the back of my neck last night." Beast boy said while showing the others an angry red hickey almost on the back of the left side of his neck.
"I don't understand." Raven seemed almost faint before stumbling back and gripping the counter to steady herself.
"It finally happened...Beast boy, you really need to tone down your 'activities', you are obviously causing her some sort of brain damage." Robin said solemnly.
"Maybe the one too many bumps on the headboard, perhaps". Starfire said innocently while Cyborg choked on his cereal.
"OH MY GOD! STOP!" Cyborg pleaded once the obstruction in his throat was dislodged.
"Mama?" Beast boy whispered concerned as he caressed Raven's hair softly, she covered her face with her hands.
She suddenly dropped her hands and stared up directly at him, looking surprised. He jumped back instinctively. She yelled, looking down at herself. "WHAT?! WHY ME?! FUCK!"
"Rae?" Beast boy asked wearily.
Raven face-palmed herself and mumbled. "Fucking honesty...right..."
"Rude?" Beast boy asked, surprised.
Raven hopped on the counter and sat comfortably with her knee up. "Grass stain, meddlers."
"What's going on, Rude?" Beast boy asked, almost afraid.
"You have been cheating on Raven." Rude said directly to Beast boy.
Collective gasps were heard all over the kitchen.
"I HAVEN'T!" Beast boy yelled indignantly.
"...with the clones, they've been raping you..." Rude said bluntly.
"WHAT?!" Everybody said collectively.
"Lately when Raven is asleep they've been taking turns coming out to have sex with you." Rude said while picking her earwax.
"I'M OUT!" Cyborg put his hands over his ears and left the kitchen abruptly.
Robin and Starfire gaped like fish and sat comfortably around the table to listen, each one with a coffee in hand.
A shocked Beast boy stumbled backwards into a seat himself.
"You mean last night..." He asked solemnly.
"Yeah, that was Knowledge, she read about the prostate somewhere and couldn't wait for her turn to try it out. It seemed like you really liked it."
Beast boy coughed loudly. "Rude! Ixnay on the ingeringfay, please." He mumbled at her, blushing.
"Calm down, grass stain, I bet good money bird boy here's taken it up the butt before."
"OH! I...*muffled sounds*" Starfire said while Robin covered her mouth quickly.
"Please don't talk Star." He said unfazed.
"Anyway...The night with the lingerie and the lap dance that was Passion." Rude said with a snarky smile.
"Shiiiit..." Beast boy said in awe.
"The riding your face violently was Anger." She said matter-of-factly.
"That makes sense, I had to do some skin breathing morphing to survive that night." He said remembering.
"I was surprised you didn't call out Raven for that." Rude said perplexed.
"I've been annoying all day, I thought it was my punishment to be honest." Beast boy said shrugging.
"She probably went to bed angry." Rude guessed.
"They say never to do that, but with Raven it can actually be dangerous, wow." Robin said taking a sip of his coffee.
Rude gave Robin an disapproving stare before looking back at Beast boy and continuing. "The outdoor sex was Happy."
"OHHH! So that's why she laughed so much." He said with realization.
"The one who asked for the Beast was Brave." Rude said picking her nose.
"YOU DIDN'T! Robin gasped.
"Hey, she'd managed it before..." Beast boy said defensively.
Starfire gaped, and her eyes widened, for a second before Robin snapped his fingers loudly popping her thought bubble and trying to distract her from it. "STAR! HEY! No imagining it!"
"Timid?" Asked Beast boy.
"In the tub, you turned into a perverted octopus." Rude said snickering.
"NOO! I thought she was doing a Japanese schoolgirl role-play thing." Shock obviously in his voice.
"Wait, what about you?" Robin asked, meddling.
"Nah, I'm lazy, I bleed through enough as it is." Rude said, winking at Beast boy, making him blush.
"But why is this happening?" Starfire asked.
"Because she found the ring." Rude said bluntly.
"What ring?" Asked Robin.
"Oh shit!" Beast boy whispered and paled.
"He has an engagement ring." Rude said, pointing accusingly at Beast boy.
Robin and Starfire gasped.
"It was my mother's ring..." Beast boy said facepalming himself.
"Do you have a ring for me?" Starfire asked Robin shyly.
"Um...Star we'll talk about that later." Robin said avoidingly.
"I didn't want to pressure her..." Beast boy combed his hand through his hair and mumbled.
"Then hide it better, moron! Not in your bedside table drawer, you keep the lube there!" Rude almost yelled as she rolled her eyes.
"And the condoms..." Robin added, making Rude give him another disapproving stare.
"Well, she found it, and she's scared shitless..." Rude said, emphatically.
"Robin, do you steal Beast boy's condoms?" Starfire asked Robin softly.
"Shshshshshshsh" Robin said placing a finger on Star's lips.
"...so much so that we are leaking through almost every night." Rude said rolling back her eyes at Robin and Star.
"I knew she didn't want to marry me." Beast boy said self-deprecatingly.
"Don't be stupid, of course she wants to marry you." Rude said mater-of-factly.
"What?" Beast boy looked up at her, baffled.
"She just doesn't want to reproduce, you know Satan's spawn and everything, but she's totally ok with adopting...eventually...She thinks you won't want her, if the biological rugrats are taken off the table." Rude said yawning through half of it.
"WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! I was adopted! I love Rita, of course I wouldn't mind adopting someday." Beast boy said standing up.
"You are both such dumbassess! Is it really so hard to say the truth?! Fuck! It's exhausting not saying what you mean, what a fucking nightmare." She said jumping from the counter.
"Well Rude its human nature to avoid uncomfortable truths especially if one deems it possible to hurt a loved one with it." Robin said in his best talk show host impersonation.
"Cool it Oprah, this isn't an after-school special. I just want to go back to my realm and take it easy. Maybe not have to talk down some horny emotion from trying to date rape grass stain here." She said mockingly.
"I appreciate the loyalty, dude." Beast boy leaned in and presented his fist to be bumped.
"I just fucking hate the deception, it's messed up." She said while bumping his fist.
"Word." Beast boy said, combing his hair with his hand again.
Rude pulled Beast boy into a side hug and whispered conspiratorially. "Real talk, you are a sex-crazed fun-loving kind of guy, I bet if a horny emotion had been straight with you would have given her a pity fuck right?"
"Ugh...I don't know...I'm pretty scared of Raven..." Beast boy said, laughing nervously.
"Oh she says she minds, but she doesn't really, it's still her just in concentrated bits." Rude said aloofly.
"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" Red eyes flashed and Raven was back.
"Raven!" Beast boy hugged her tightly.
"Gar, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Raven said flustered.
"It's OK mama, I should have told you about the ring, it's yours if you want it." Beast boy said, stroking her hair softly.
"Of course I want it, I love you" She said before passionately kissing Beast boy.
"Wow! Rude should be the maid of honor, by this point she's been responsible for getting you two together twice now."
"Fuck that! I'm not wearing some hideous dress." Raven blurted suddenly. "Sorry, guess Rude's still bleeding through a bit." Raven said, stifling a laugh.
Several nights later
Robin and Starfire were startled awake by a particularly loud moan.
"Not again." They mumbled in unison from their bed.
"We are 2 rooms away, they are so loud!" Robin whined while Star hoped out of bed and floated toward the wall closest to the noise and pressed her ear to it.
"Star, what are you doing?" Robin asked rhetorically.
"I am just the curious." Star said innocently.
Star's eyebrows shot up her forehead.
"What's with the face?" Robin asked, curiosity peaking.
"Raven is speaking in a most uncharacteristic manner." Star said puzzled.
"How's so?" Robin asked, standing up and slowly walking towards her.
"There is a lot of profane deity worship, and affirmations...Something about doing unspeakable things to Raven's small feline in a faster and/or harder fashion...And something about Beast boy's rooster doing unspeakable things to a mother in a very agreeable way." Starfire said confused.
Robin gave a hearty belly laugh. "Star, that's not Raven, that's Rude."
"NO!" Star gasped while bringing her hand to her mouth.
"Guess Raven let her have her turn after all."