Disclaimer: I own nothing. Least of all this.

4) RED ALERT

"Hell no." said Dream. "No way. I won't do it. He'll just kill me again. And it was embarrassing enough the first time. Why'd you have to go and give him a power upgrade, Destiny?"

Destiny sighed. "For the last time, it was an experiment. And I didn't see you complaining about the storyline when you were helping design the bloody thing. So he got a little out of control; so what? He knows the rules now. He gets to directly interfere for a little while instead of just watching, in exchange for not winning the Championship."

"But you're fixing to change that," hissed Dream. "After this, he may not be able to interfere in this world, but he'll certainly be able to with the other Champions. Including me."

Death crossed her arms. "Not our problem, dear brother. You were the one who decided to enter the contest directly, thereby binding yourself to its rules. Both Destiny and I were smart enough to arrange for Champions of our own; it's not our fault you thought yourself able to handle it on your own. And in the end you won anyway, didn't you?"

Dream opened his mouth to protest, and then shut it. "Yeah; yeah, you're right. Still, an axe to the neck bloody hurts."

"Tell you what," Destiny rubbed his hands together, "If we arrange for our respective Champions not to win, and for him not to be the one to kill you, will you do it?"

Dream frowned. "Will he be the one to win instead?"

Destiny shrugged. "It'll be up to him.

"...Fine. I'll do it. But he's not gonna be happy; especially with his adopted kids still at that camp."

"Yes, I can see why," replied Destiny. "Let me tell you, him actually coming to care about Mars' offspring that were born on the wrong side of the continental divide was most definitely not on the agenda. But everything worked out fine in the end; or at least it would have."

"So you say," grumbled Dream. "Still don't like the ending you came up with. No follow-through."

"I am aware." Destiny drawled. "Not my finest work. But this should do quite nicely as a replacement."

With a sigh, Dream turned to head for the lower dimensions. "I hope you're right about that; I really do."

The Roman god Mars was not a happy camper.

Which was frankly kind of odd, since the Roman army had been some of the best professional campers the world had ever seen. Still, not even high-grade fortifications and a great overlook could fix the war deity's current fuming state.

The reason for Mars' distemper was the guest that was now sitting in the middle of his well-prepared defenses. A man with a bright red jumper, what looked like a waffle for hair, a pair of brilliant rainbow colored wings sprouting from his back, and the most solid-black eyes Mars had ever had the misfortune of seeing.

The man leaned back against the palisade and began to speak. "I thought you would've been glad to see the back of me, old bean. You certainly spit enough fire and brimstone whenever we had the misfortune to meet."

Mars ground his teeth. "Yes. Yes I did. But it was worth it for two reasons; we Romans don't usually get to interact with our Greek counterparts, which is what you essentially were. It was...nice...to have someone similar to talk to occasionally. And secondly...well, I've always loved a good fight. And who better to train against than what was basically another version of myself?"

"Indeed." the man's lips curled into a cruel smile. "Still, from what I've heard about my replacement, he should prove to be more than up to the challenge. This was always gonna be a temporary gig anyway Mars; you knew that when you agreed to it after that Amazon sent your alter ego downstairs. But if you ever feel like showing up for the Championship instead of your stand-in, the offer's still open. Because truth be told...I'm gonna miss our sparring sessions as well."

"And the kids?" Mars asked. "Are you gonna miss them too? I know the Greeks have a different view of family than we Romans; did it change you any while you were filling in for Ares?"

"Not a lot." the man replied. "Couldn't really afford to get close to any of them. Would've liked to; but rules are rules. Sides, I've already got a family waiting back home. And my replacement should be able to step up to the plate far more openly than I ever could. But speaking of family; I'd appreciate it if you could pass along a message to Vulcan."

Mars frowned. "Why him in particular?"

"Well, I just wanted to tell Hephaestus his wife is going to be down a suitor very soon, but I doubt very much he'd be happy to see either the Roman or Greek God of War. I figured he might listen to the Roman version of himself, though."

"Maybe. I get along well enough with Vulcan; one of the perks in trying to keep up with advancements in war is a shared interest in arms development. I should be able to get him to talk to Hephaestus without too much trouble. He'll probably want a favor for passing on the message, though; we Romans tend to avoid our Greek counterparts for good reason."

"True enough. Well, for everyone except us." The man in the red jumper stretched his arms and then his legs. "Tell you what; normally, I wouldn't offer something like this, but since my ability to interfere around here's going up in smoke momentarily, I'm gonna do it. There's a kid down in Texas; son of Hephaestus, which is a bit odd since he was born on your side of the continental divide. He's gonna be extremely important later on; there's quite a few people who'll want him dead. Give Vulcan the names Leo and Esperanta Valdez, mention Tia Callida and Gaea are both interested in them, and let him take care of it. Hopefully, Vulcan will say screw the consequences and get Leo and Esperanta to Heph. And then pass on my message."

"You've really thought this through."

"Not really. I've just been going with the flow for far too long; it's about time to start paddling against the current." The man stood with a sigh, then pulled out a glowing sword and a shield to match. "Whaddy say old bean; one more match for old time's sake?"

Mars couldn't help it; he grinned. "Oh hell yeah."

Hephasteus just stared at the being currently standing in the middle of his forge. It wasn't often his Roman counterpart came to call; they never could quite see eye to eye over their respective Gods of War, and the tension tended to bleed over into their conversations. Which was just one of the reasons why they very rarely had them. But apparently, they were having one now. "Whaddya want, Vulc?"

The vein in Vulcan's forehead began to throb. "What do I want? Lots of things. But mostly, I want you to stay on your own damn side of the Mississippi. Really, dude? Texas? I'm amazed you even made it past Louisiana. And leaving your kid there to fend for himself, knowing damn well he was a thousand miles from either camp? That's just freaking mean."

With a sigh, Hephaestus sat down. This was gonna be a long talk. "How'd you find out?"

"Mars. Gave me the info as payment for a favor; a favor I really feel like not doing now, since it's gonna be helping you out."

Hephaestus frowned. "Helping me? You must be outta your mind. Mars would never want to help me."

"He doesn't. He just likes a good fight. Which is what your little stunt could very well still cause. But before that, the favor: I'm here to give you a message. 'Ares' is getting replaced again. And this time, the fill-in's gonna be staying far away from your wife."

He grunted. "Good. I hated that British twerp. His fake American accent was one of the worst I've ever heard."

"I've never heard it, so I wouldn't know. But I do know this: you need to come get your damn kid. Tia Callida's already been poking around, and I've got it on good authority Gaea is interested too. And all it would take is one kidnapper to drag Leo and Esperanta across the border into Mexico and they'd be out of either of our reaches."

He glared into his Roman counterpart's eyes. "And do I have your permission to come across the divide to do so?"

"As much as it pains me to admit it, yes. But I'm coming along as far as St. Louis; just to make sure no one gets any ideas about attacking while they're leaving."

"Fine. But don't expect any thank-yous."

"Wouldn't dream of it. After all, it's not like you ever cared about your family before. For all I know, you could just consider this one big inconvenience. Ironic, considering you Greeks are supposed to be so much more caring about your kids."

By the time the fight was over, they'd sort of ended up in the middle of Missouri. In fact, it was only the sight of a street sign for New Madrid that stopped the fight. The poor town had suffered enough the last time the Greeks and Romans had fought.

"Alright," The hologram of Dr. Fate cleared his throat, "I hereby call this meeting of the Justice League to order. Zatanna, Constantine, and Bruce, thank you for joining us. And we welcome Jason Todd, Bruce's ward."

Zatanna, as the only other member present being introduced to Jason, nodded her head. Damn but she was good looking; not for the first time Jason wished he was just a little bit older. "Nice to meet you all. So; Justice League, huh? Who named it?"

Bruce had the decency to look sheepish. "Actually, that would be someone who isn't currently present. Someone who is apparently friends with the subject of this meeting. Fate, if you'd care to explain…"

"Of course, Bruce." replied the Egyptian mystic. "Now, as I'm sure most of you are aware, the League of Assassins has apparently decided to resurrect an ancient enemy of one of our members to try and fight our influence. While Diana herself could not be present, as she is on assignment, she has prepared the written report now in front of all of you on the Greek being known as 'Ares'. Unfortunately, it appears her information is just slightly more than worthless, as it now seems that in their attempt to resurrect the God of War, they instead either brought back, released, or summoned the corresponding Horseman of the Apocalypse; War himself. This is not the first time an incident involving a Lazarus Pit has produced unintended consequences: while dealing with Ra's al Ghul under Gotham, Zatanna and Bruce both reported the emergence of another being from the Pit, did you not?"

Zatanna nodded. "A being who called himself Mr. Black; we postulated that he was a manifestation of Death or perhaps Destiny, given he seemed just as anxious to keep Ghul from coming back as we were. He assisted in the destruction of the Pit after the incident, and then vanished. No further evidence of his existence has ever been uncovered."

"Until today." interjected Bruce. "In his travels, this new 'Ares' has apparently been searching for another individual; an individual he referred to as Mr. Black. Now, it is of course possible that this is a coincidence. But what do we say about coincidences?"

"The universe is rarely so lazy." Jason muttered.

Dr. Fate nodded. "Precisely. Now, if this 'Ares' is indeed searching for our Mr. Black, it is quite logical to then conclude that Mr. Black is not only a Horseman himself, he has probably told his friend about the League of Assassins and their dealings. Furthermore, I would suggest that Ares is either expecting Mr. Black to turn up himself at another Lazarus Pit location, or to find that Mr. Black has already finished dealing with the problem and gone back on vacation. This hypothesis seems to be borne out by the stops Ares has made on his journey; Monte Carlo was mentioned by Mr. Black during the League's interaction with him, and another Lazarus Pit was discovered beneath the British Museum by Mr. Constantine here."

Zatanna's image flickered, then frowned. "That wasn't in the report."

Constantine just shrugged. "Sent out the preliminary draft before the meeting. Found out about the Pit later. House of Life took care of it; only thing that kept 'em distracted long enough for the Kanes to hightail it back to the States."

Zatanna's eyes widened. "So that's why you said to watch out for Egyptians showing up in Metropolis."

"Brooklyn, to be precise, but yeah. The last thing we need is a magical civil war on American soil. Everyone and their mum would end up wanting in. Fortunately, the House of Life seems to realize that. And the Kanes know they aren't even the biggest players in New York state. Which brings us back to our friend Ares. Bruce?

"Thanks John. Now, it seems Ares has met up again with his acquaintance from Monte Carlo, the King of Versailles, who has some degree of control over animals. The King has purchased a circus and is all set to fly to Gotham to perform, with Ares himself as a barnstormer calling himself 'the Red Stranger'."

Jason crowed. "He fixed the plane! Awesome!"

Dr. Fate glared. "Not awesome, young Jason. With his own transportation now secured again, once he gets to America, there is every chance we will lose his trail."

Zatanna coughed. "I doubt it. He'll probably stop in Gotham for at least a while; if not to perform, then to check out the remains of the Pit. To his mind, Mr. Black may choose it as a meeting place; if Mr. Black is indeed in this plane of existence once again. Not to mention Constantine suspects this Horseman has been filling in for the actual Ares since World War One. Gotham is the central hub for the Greek pantheon; if any version of the God of War is gonna feel at home, it's gonna be there."

Bruce nodded. "That makes sense. Right; anywhere else he may decide to head if he leaves Gotham?"

Dr. Fate stroked his chin. "Upstate New York; I remember hearing of a retreat there for young demigods. A uniquely Greek term; perhaps he may choose to visit the site?"

"I'll make a note of it." Zatanna said. "Bruce, about how far away from Gotham are you and Jason?"

"A few hours; why?"

"Well, apparently, I've got some tracking spells to set up in Metropolis for a bunch of Egyptian wizards, and some detection wards in upstate New York. I didn't want to leave the area completely devoid of people able to handle Ares if he shows up."

"You'd have Dick and Drake." Bruce pointed out.

Zatanna snorted. "Please. I meant handle as in have a mature meeting; and as immature as Dick can be, I'm not too sure Ares would stand for the level of disrespect. I'll just wait til you and Jason get here; at least one of you Ares already knows and would be more likely to listen to."

Constantine raised a finger. "If you'd like, I can teleport them to Gotham right now."

"...Right." Zatanna shook her head. "Keep forgetting you can do that. Go ahead; we're apparently on a time crunch before the Versaillan circus shows up."

Constantine languidly stood, then snapped his fingers. And with that, he, Bruce, and Jason all disappeared from the plane's cabin. The last thing Jason heard as they vanished was Zatanna sighing. "Somebody had better tell Diana her boyfriend's going to be home sooner than expected."

BOYFRIEND? Just what the hell all had Jason missed while he was gone?

Circus life was fun.

Granted, there were more explosions than Harry had been expecting, but that was probably just the way things went in America. The animals were all interesting as well; Harry was willing to swear that tiger had magical cat or kneazle in his blood. It was the only logical explanation for how he fit through that tiny little hoop.

Of course, like all good things, it came to an end. Right about when the clown with the comically large revolvers decided that any circus on Gotham ground was rightfully his.

It wasn't hard to take care of the clown; a few cutting charms and the man was left with stumps spurting bright red blood.

"Harley," the clown siad, "did I put on my disposable gag hands today?"

"I don't think so, Mistah J; why?"

"Because my dear, it appears I've been disarmed."

Harry couldn't help it; he let his Disillusionment drop and laughed. "Nah; I didn't disarm you; I unhanded you!"

The clown laughed back just as loudly. "Always a pleasure to meet a hero who appreciates a good joke! They call me the Joker, son; what's your name?"

"I'm just a stranger passing through. Or so the poster says, anyway. But then again, it could be wrong. After all, you can't believe everything you read."

"Too true, my friend! Why just the other day, I read that the best way to soak up water that's been spilled was with rice!"

"That's true enough; isn't it?"

"Well, it might be, but whoever wrote the article I read forgot to mention you weren't supposed to cook the rice first!"

Harry laughed again. "Classic. Say, those cuts are starting to look bad; want me to do anything about 'em?"

"These?" The Joker held up his stumps. "As they say in Britain, 'Tis but a scratch'."

Harry grinned. "A flesh wound, you might say."

"Exactly! Harley, make a note of this guy; from now on, he's my best friend in the whole...world…"

The Joker's blood loss finally caught up with him, and the Clown Prince of Crime toppled over, a smile engraved on his face.

"Puddin'!" Harley screamed.

Harry nodded. "To be precise, blood pudding. Perfectus Totalis. Stupefy. There; he should be fine until the ambulance gets here."

Harley looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Will he die?"

"Him? He's invincible!"

And with that parting remark, Harry once more disappeared from sight. Not even a minute later, the Batman (plus three) came crashing through the top of the tent, only to find every last one of the Joker's goons had been dispatched by a group of penguins, and Harley Quinn collapsed over the Joker's unconscious body, cackling with laughter.

"...Well, at least Ares didn't kill anyone this time." Jason pointed out.

Bruce Wayne sighed. "Thank heaven for small mercies. Although whatever he did to the Joker doesn't look like it's going to be reversed any time soon."

Dick frowned. "Isn't that a good thing? A Joker who won't wake up is a whole lot better than one that's either locked up or dead. All his vitals are steady; the blood's been replaced, and he's had new prosthetics fitted. Don't know why you paid for 'em, Bruce, but that's a topic for another day. It seems to me we can cart him right back to Arkham and throw away the key."

"We could; if the DA's office hadn't worked out a deal with Harley Quinn for her to tell everything she knew about her 'Red Stranger' in exchange for keeping Joker at the hospital. By the way, it seems Harley is having a mental crisis; she's made friends with the penguins who took down the Joker's goons. If she wanted to, she could even replace the Red Stranger's now open spot in the circus, provided it stays in Gotham for the foreseeable future."

"It will." A beautiful woman appeared from behind the Batcomputer, setting her bag down on the console. "I've just been to see Harley; she's agreed to stick around and perform until the Joker wakes up. Hello love."

Bruce smiled. "Hi dear. Jason, I'd like you to meet my official girlfriend, unofficial minder when Alfred's not around, and best antiquities dealer the Justice League knows: Diana Prince. Aka Wonder Woman."

Jason looked from Bruce, to the woman, then back again. "Jeez, Bruce. You sure know how to pick 'em. She looks like she could bench press a tank."

"Actually," Miss Prince said, "I have."

Jason grinned. "Wicked. Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Jason Todd."

In the background, he could hear Dick moan. He didn't care; he was looking forward to this. "So, tell me; what kind of stupid stuff's been going on while I've been gone?"

This time, there were three groans instead of one.

Diana just smiled. "Oh, you have no idea. But for this, we're gonna need Alfred. And tea. Lots and lots of tea."