A scene that takes place towards the end of the route, the first scene I actually wrote for this fanfic. There are quite a few hints about things that will happen in the route, reading it carefully might give you an idea about how things will go. It is open to small updates that I intentionally left out while originally writing it so it may have small additions when the story actually gets here.
"Sh~"
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I hear a sound
I hear a sound but my ears aren't working.
I hear a beautiful sound but my mind has cut all connection to the outside.
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"Shir~"
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It's a sound which should no longer exist.
A sound that should only be in my mind.
The voice that is created because Emiya Shirou is searching for something in this world of fire and mud.
Just like Kiritsugu did that day.
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"Shirou!"
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It's the sound of the person that completed their contract after reaching the holy grail.
The voice is still going as if to give me hope even after reaching her wish.
A voice that I desperately wished would stand by my side, like all the others.
But that doesn't matter, the beast has already manifested.
The person that reached their wish should no longer be here.
Such a voice isn't allowed in this world.
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A hell realm that breaks every rule of common sense.
Every second, there are many "things" attempting life and failing.
Those things will never succeed, there can only be two organic existences in this world.
Everything else is a mere sword in Emiya Shirou's mind.
Nothing can enter and nothing can escape, it's because nothing has entered that nothing has tried to escape.
Even if Emiya Shirou were to escape it wouldn't actually happen, it would be the equivalent of closing one's eyes.
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Every second I attempt to come to life and fail once again.
I realize that the "things" I just mentioned were just pieces of my broken mind.
There can't be other "things" here so every "thing" is merely a part of me.
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This is the world Emiya Shirou created.
This is the world that only has Emiya Shirou and that "thing" in it.
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A Hero of justice needs evil to exist, so all the evils in the world and the hero of justice are all that is allowed in this world.
The evils of the world are merely an extension of the hero of justice, they are it's limbs.
I am extending, extending and becoming a part of the world.
But the world is already me and that thing is becoming one with me.
This didn't start just now, this thing has existed in this world since 10 years ago, it is merely an extension of the idea I clung on to survive these 10 years.
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"Rejoice boy!"
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Didn't the fake priest say the same on that day?
That a hero of justice needed a villain?
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Then this thing is surely what I _ for.
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All the people I lost;
Saber who reached her wish,
Rin who abandoned her duties as a magus for her sister,
Sakura who fell to her desires,
Tachie who couldn't reach any of her goals.
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Illya who always knew she couldn't be saved.
Seeing the holy grail war as a short dream that would end soon.
Imagining warm snow in this city that never stopped burning.
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They are no longer in our world.
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No.
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I never actually allowed anyone else in this world.
Me believing that there were other people in it is wrong.
It is a convenient thought that I created so that all my efforts don't look meaningless.
There have never been other people here, except Emiya Shirou and that "thing".
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On that day 10 years ago too, the only thing that changed was the removal of the contradiction,
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of other people.
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Is this my _?
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I wanted to save everyone in my world.
That thought was the only way for the boy to survive back then.
I realize that there is something extremely contradictory about this, something that will shatter Emiya Shirou if ever worded.
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I can't ever think about it. I can't ever think about not thinking about it. Even the mere thought of realizing it will make me think about it.
There should be no contradiction, I just wanted to save others.
It's a simple wish that everyone can understand.
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There can be no contradiction, if there is a contradiction then it must be eliminated like the people 10 years ago.
This world will never change so contradictions are not allowed.
The moment the contradiction is worded it will get removed together with the cause of it.
The me from the last 10 years will be removed.
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But that thing is the only other person in my world.
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My mind stops.
Emiya Shirou can't understand.
It was a wish to save everyone in this world.
If I let that thing hate, grow and destroy like it is supposed to; isn't that saving all that is left in my world?
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Does that mean this has always been my wish...
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This is my wish..? This iS my wish... iS my Wish... My Wish... mY wIsH... MY WIsH... MY WISH.. .MYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISHMYWISH???
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"Ah—hg—ah!"
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A shock runs through my brain because of the mud.
The mud must be creating a nest, turning my brain into soup.
Turning my thoughts into soup.
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But for one second I think to myself.
Could it have been a body's final attempt at survival?
But that's useless. Emiya Shirou's brain has already lost all of it's functions.
Emiya Shirou will never return, he will forever be an object without a mind.
This object without a mind that is forever stuck in a sea of mud.
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By that logic it's fair to assume I am not thinking at the moment.
These thoughts are not real.
I am nothingness.
Only the mere concept of what would happen if Emiya Shirou was still thinking.
After all, there can't be an Emiya Shirou that wants that thing to exist.
But Emiya Shirou's wish is for that thing to exist.
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...
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I sink to the depths of the mud.
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Realization of a wish. An obsession older than time. The collection of all evils. To be the lone survivor. To be left alone. To be the only sacrifice. To be a symbol of justice. To be a symbol of hope. To be a symbol of all the evils. Fire that covers the world. Snow that is temporary. Mud as deep as the depths of the human mind. Utopia that can't be reached. That castle which can't be reached. On that hill which hasn't been reached. Eight steps to insanity. Twelve tasks breaking one's body. All six billion evils that are accepted. Ten years of emptiness. A thousand years of wasted efforts. Over two thousand and four years of curses. The sight of a mere human. To see all the pain and regrets around you. Becoming the pain of everyone. Copying artifacts of legend. Copying the ritual of legend. Copying the evil god of legend. Three copycats one mind. Sinking. Sinking deeper. At the bottom. To become one. To go insane. I am going insane.
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...
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Huh?
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…
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Th- that person? Ki—?
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No,
I have never met this person until now.
That person cannot be found in the boy's mind.
The boy will automatically record everything he sees so it can only mean this is his first time seeing the man.
The boy should have been able to record the man since the man is a mere shell, just like him.
The boy is alone, so very alone.
This is the moment the boy died so it can be said that the boy will die alone.
No one to reach out to, no one to say farewell to.
The boy has already lost everything in the past, to him, he has always been alone here.
In this fire, what was filling him slowly leaking out.
It is just a lonely shell that has been forgotten at the middle of this inferno.
To him, this is his entire existence.
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But then, who is that person?
How can there be someone else in this world?
Existence itself only allows the boy and that thing to exist.
The existence of others is just annoying
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Or so the boy tries to convince himself
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...
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Why is... this person crying?
The fire around them, the fire around them that burns even the ability to cry.
The boy both feels envy and pity for the man that couldn't kill his emotions.
He looks at the man's eyes. They are empty.
The man's eyes have lost all meaning since very long ago.
The man has lost all of his hope since very long ago.
Even his eyes which have seen the worst of humanity, no, his eyes which have endured the seeing the worst of humanity should give in to the painting in front of them.
I look at his eyes, I look at his eyes that are leaking human tears from the man that considered himself a demon.
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Yet,
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why do they look like they are the eyes of someone that has been saved?
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The man is smiling.
Smiling at the sight of a human that managed to maintain the image of a human.
But his happiness doesn't matter. There shouldn't be any hope for the boy,
the boy's emotion's have already died,
the boy's memories have already died,
the people around the boy have already died.
He is now an empty husk.
An empty husk that has been left alone.
A shell that may not have been empty if it had listened to it's family.
Even the regret from that thought doesn't exist, the boy has become a simple container to be filled with human anguish.
He is sharing the fate of all the others that asked for the his help on the way.
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Saving the boy is meaningless, the boy itself won't allow being saved.
The man can't save the boy, it is not a matter of performing miracles.
The man can't accomplish anything here.
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So he should go away.
He should leave him alone.
The boy never asked to be saved.
This is just the boy paying the price of not listening, not being able to hear, others.
He will only die with the boy if he keeps standing at the middle of the fire.
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the fire?
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...
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Ah
So that was it
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I come to a realization.
The realization that clears up my mind.
The lone survivor of the fire had never been Emiya Shirou who had passed others seeking help just like him.
If that had been the case, there would soon be no survivors.
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It had been the man that tried to save others in that hell.
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That was the important thing I forgot. That I was made to forget.
His dark coat, his aura which gave the impression of death, his tired face, his empty eyes.
There really was once a man that willingly entered hell and found salvation in the end.
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It was a completely random encounter that didn't mean anything.
The people watching them wouldn't care.
They weren't the ones getting saved.
They had no reason to look at bodies without souls when they could just look at themselves.
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But the perspective of others didn't matter, it never mattered.
What was important was that, to the boy, that had been the equivalent of saving the entire world.
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He was born as a normal person.
He had the option for happiness.
Even after he had denied it, the man was given a family and a daughter.
The man hated, hated that there would be people that are unhappy out there when he was being given happiness.
Happiness was poison to him in his road to reach his ideal world.
He didn't need happiness to save the world, he needed a mind of steel.
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But the man loved his family.
It was true that he wanted the end of all conflict but it was also true that the man loved his family.
It would have been easy if he had nothing in the first place.
He would have nothing to abandon in his attempt to bring justice.
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So, hoping he can create a world where he wouldn't have to leave anyone behind, he joined the holy grail war.
The Einzberns had already called him for that reason but this was his own reasoning for joining.
As the Einzberns expected, he progressed through the war like a machine, eliminating every master, while blocking his mind which was that of a child's.
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And then, the worst happened.
This grail couldn't possibly save others.
It couldn't possibly create the utopia the man wished for.
He had already made the step, failure meant that he would never return to his family, to Illya.
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The rest is obvious.
Kiritsugu decided to bring down the lesser grail of the fourth war and got cursed by the devil inside as a result.
He had to see the humans which he valued so much die all around him.
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But he never realized.
He never realized that he was one of those humans which he wanted to save so much.
He never realized.
Kiritsugu never realized it.
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The man that wanted to save everyone deserved to be saved more than everyone else.
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He had abandoned his family and everyone else in his life.
He had turned his mind to steel knowing full well that a human isn't meant to stay sane after such experiences.
He would endure it.
He had to endure it.
His regrets kept piling up but he endured it.
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But his regrets kept piling up until they bursted from the grail he had destroyed.
And in his sea of regrets
he had found the boy.
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That was the nature of the first person Emiya Shirou saved.
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…
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We are on that place again.
This is our house.
The place where it was determined that I would succeed Emiya Kiritsugu.
Just like the park, where I died, this is the place where Kiritsugu died.
But last time, I had missing information.
I hadn't made my choice yet.
So I speak to fix my mistake
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"Don't worry Kiritsugu,
I will save Illya and the world."
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"Ah— I am glad then."
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A simple recreation of his last moments using the only magecraft allowed to Emiya Shirou.
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But Emiya Shirou's body shouldn't be functioning, so none of this is real.
I don't have the power to repeat events that have already happened in the first place, Kiritsugu will never hear my words.
It is all playing out, ending and repeating in Emiya Shirou's mind.
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But I still word it.
Kiritsugu no longer exists.
He no longer exists in my world.
So there should be no reason to word it.
There should be nothing to learn from this experience.
I am still alone with that thing in this world.
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Except, it doesn't change that there was once a man named Emiya Kiritsugu here.
He doesn't exist, he doesn't exist but his wish still exists in me.
Our memories still exist in me.
Saying I am alone would be denying his existence, denying the existence of everyone that truly cared about me.
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His wish and memories that exist in me aren't that of the hero of justice that the boy believed in.
It is that crying man's true desire.
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I said I would save Illya and the world.
That's right, how can I call myself lonely when swearing to forever be by Illya's side.
Me being a big or little brother doesn't matter, a brother should protect his sister from loneliness at all cost.
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Then...
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I won't let this Fairytale reach a bad end.
I will save this world so that Illya doesn't get lonely with just me.
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—
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"This..."
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I feel a warm feeling inside me.
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My mouth starts moving.
That which should not be able to move starts moving, receiving signals from that which should have stopped working.
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"...is my wish?"
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The warm feeling turns into a light, trying to shatter the mud around me.
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My arms move.
They should have been broken by the weight of the people I couldn't save long ago.
First of all, there was no way for them to move as they had become one with the mud.
I should not be able to move something that doesn't belong to me.
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"DON'T..!"
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It's warm, warm like the gentle temporary snow which falls for only a short while but retains it's beauty while doing so.
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My legs move.
They should have been shattered long ago when running to save others, to save Illya.
I need to run an eternity to save everyone, the human body cannot stand an eternity.
So how could they still be working?
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Moving is impossible in this coffin of mud.
With each part of me that moves, I need to overcome an obstacle that is impossible to cross.
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Head, mouth, left eye, right eye, left arm, right arm, left hand, right hand, left leg, right leg, left foot, right foot
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These are the 12 impossible obstacles I have to overcome in order to achieve the result which is moving.
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But I know better than anyone that Emiya Shirou alone cannot achieve the impossible.
When I first entered the mud, I couldn't move a single finger with my condition.
Then that can only mean...
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"...BULLSHIT ME..!"
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...that something has been gradually recovering my body while I was in this mud.
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The warmth never stops for a second. Giving as much energy to Emiya Shirou as it can.
It's effect is relatively low from this distance but that small wave eventually becomes just enough for Emiya Shirou to spill out from the cup.
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My entire body moves.
It's trying it's best to break out of the cage it has been placed in, moving with strength rarely seen from it.
How could it not be moving, this warmth can only mean one thing.
It's the warmth of Saber's sheath which was placed in me 10 years ago to protect me.
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So staying where I am, keeping Saber waiting would be unfair for her.
Especially knowing the amount of calamities that person had to stop after fulfilling her contract, hoping she would eventually reach this place again.
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It's not just Saber. I can't keep any of them waiting.
And most importantly, I won't allow myself to keep Illya waiting.
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"...BEAST!"
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I break out of the mud and immediately collapse to the floor. It is warm yet soft, being distinct yet incredibly similar to human skin.
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The surrounding area looks like a corridor, it paints a grotesque sight. The walls are crying, the floor is bleeding and the ceiling is rotting. If I was shown a picture of hell, I don't think it would be too far away from this corridor.
No, corridor may not be the right word for it.
"Vein" seems to fit this place more.
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But maybe due to how dark and inhuman this place feels, it's especially easy to notice the gentle warmth coming from my chest. There is no need to determine the source.
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Archer talked about this, Saber likely got summoned here as a counter guardian. To stop the beast.
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To get summoned here of all places...
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It's not a bad thing, even if she might not have good memories of Fuyuki, it's not a bad thing. It's likely that she arranged this herself to help me.
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If I use Avalon's warmth to determine where and how far she is, turning myself into a living Saber detector, I may be able to get out of here.
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I try to get up-
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"Shirou!"
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but a black line shoots at me, followed by Saber's shouting.
Good, I don't know how her voice can reach me but it seems like she is searching for me too.
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I try to look at what the black like that barely missed me was. It's quite thin and looks like it should be soft but on further inspection, you can see that it's very sharp and hard.
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It must be something like a system in the vein to keep it's food inside.
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There is no telling when it will do that again, I must act quickly. There are two ways to go inside the corridor, left or right. Looking at the left side, I can see something like a very small light source. The right side is a lot darker compared to it.
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But...
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Even though the left side looks safer, my instincts tell me that my healing would get faster if I went right.
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I...
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(go left)
(go right)
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...choose to go right. It's better to trust Avalon. I wouldn't have broken out without its help.
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And as soon as I take a step to the right, multiple black lines shoot at me.
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That serves as my starting sign.
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I start running. If I pay attention to the sounds behind me, I can hear the sound of the black lines following closely. I made the right call.
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"Ugh-"
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I barely avoided the sudden black line that came towards me from the right. I barely dodged it, it was really hard to dodge but...
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...since I could dodge it, it's definitely slower than Saber.
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Then I can do this.
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The mud keeps attacking me from different directions but it's a pace I can keep up with.
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Up, up, down, right
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I dodge the black lines and keep running without breaking my momentum.
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Down, Up, Left, Left, Up
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I have to move my body beyond it's limits every time I have to dodge one.
But my chest has gotten considerably warmer just from that.
It may be getting faster but so am I.
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Up, Up, Left, Down, Right, Left
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There is now a faint light towards this direction too.
That's it.
It still seems considerably far away but I am currently moving beyond my limits.
100 meters in 7 seconds, it's a speed that I normally can't reach, I can hear the damage to my legs. It's the natural cause of moving faster than I should.
But the damage gets repaired in the span of a second.
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Right as I think that, a hole opens in front of me. I barely manage to jump, managing to avoid it.
With that, I can now see the end of the corridor with my enhanced eyes.
The end is blocked but if I pay attention, I can see a shining golden light that barely manages to go through the wall.
It's a wonder that I could see this.
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Maybe it's not such a wonder, I don't know what the light source on the other side was, but her light is the only thing that is allowed to shine on this side of the vein.
If you compare it to here, she is shining just as bright as she has always shined.
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The slashes that have definitely reached over a hundred by now can no longer keep up with me.
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The vein creates a wall, I find a hole to get around it.
It attacks me from behind, I simply evade it.
It turns the floor into a hole, I simply cling to the walls or jump over it.
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Even in its desperation, it is slower than Saber.
It can no longer stop me, not anymore when I am this close.
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But the end of the hallway is still blocked regardless.
I cannot even imagine using the ability 「27 Needles - Shift」 in my current position.
So there is only one thing to do.
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"SABER!"
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I shout from my lungs, putting my entire force into it.
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"SHIROU!"
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An image of Avalon appears in my mind, with a normal girl smiling inside it.
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An image I have never seen.
An image I always hoped to see.
An image she deserved but will never get appears on my mind.
I can finally hear Saber's voice clearly.
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Who knows for how long she had been shouting for, waiting for me to wake up.
I can picture it, Saber trying her hardest to get summoned here and desperately trying to find me.
It may have only been a few minutes in here but in reality, it was no doubt for an eternity.
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The girl that is trying to right her biggest regret.
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"AS YOUR OLD MASTER I MAY NOT HAVE THE RIGHT BUT,"
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I don't have a command spell, the holy grail war is already over.
Saber reached the corrupted grail thanks to Galahad's Noble Phantasm and ended the war.
So, I shouldn't be able to give an order. I shouldn't be able to give an order but I already put my entire faith on Saber knowing such a thing shouldn't matter between us.
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So I think of the command I will give to the friend who I kept waiting.
I think of what Archer said about servants that are summoned to combat the creatures known as beasts.
I load the words inside my mouth like a gun, erase all thoughts about failure from my mind and shout the words.
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"GRAND SERVANT SABER, DESTROY THE MUD IN FRONT OF YOU!"
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I jump as soon as I finish my sentence.
I can hear an almost silent "Alright Shirou." that is followed by the wall in front of me getting completely destroyed.
The blocked end of the corridor is cut like butter by Saber.
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"Ugh"
ㅤ
I fall from around 20 meters.
The vein that I just left closes back up like a coffin as soon as I leave.
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Success.
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My body slightly hurts after failing to land properly on the road.
But it's no problem, the pain quickly goes away.
And the reason why it went away...
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I see an armor that belongs to a knight at the edge of my vision. It emits a light that is almost divine.
I look up, not intending to delay the reunion any longer.
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"Ah..."
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Our positions are exactly the same as that time.
Yet the sight in front of me is vastly different.
What I see is a person that has seen many hells.
Her face has the tone of a person that is clearly worn down now, a look that isn't unlike how Kiritsugu and Archer used to look.
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Her armor is a lot more majestic, her equipment has been upgraded, she looks like a divine spirit.
But if you look at her eyes, they are the eyes of a person that has done many wrongs.
The eyes of a person that has piled up many regrets, betrayed by her ideals.
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Despite that, just like him on that day
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she has a smile that is brighter than ever.
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At her core, Saber is who she has always been.
The fact that her smile has survived countless hells is proof, like a flower growing in the middle of a desert.
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"I am back, Shirou."
ㅤ
"Yes— Welcome back, Saber."