entitled: there was an echo far and faint.
fandom: naruto, narusaku.
setting: after the war sakura tries to navigate sasuke being back and the complicated shift of team dynamics, and also naruto. always naruto.
warnings: this is firmly a narusaku fic FYI and it's gonna get worse with these two before it gets better. there's gonna be a lot of angst. it's generally a coming of age sakura fic. the romance is hopefully real and also painful.
disclaimer: i own nothing that isn't already mine
notes: this chapter was meant to be angst - like angst BOMB, but we got some other stuff with like, angst sprinkles. It ended up being a lot more than soul-crushing angst, but angst will still be ahead of us, i just thought it was time to serve some sweetness with the bitter. I did promise bitter-sweetness, after all.

—

"Interested in Suna these days?"

The saucer flies up from Sakura's hands like it's a greased eel, she wrestles it terribly back onto the tray and turns toward her Hokage with something like panic. Did that Ino-pig say something?!

"Oh please, I'm the Hokage. I'm supposed to know everything," Tsunade's fingers tap over her chest, her high heels resting on the corner of the desk as she lolls with bored and irritated amusement. "Why do you think I drink so much?"

Sakura re-arranges everything on the tray, giving unnecessary and miniscule touches so everything is in its even more correct place. "Kankurou's just a friend," she sets the tray down on the table firmly. "well, hardly that. A pleasant acquaintance, maybe."

Tsunade's brows rise up, like Sakura has said something particularly and unnecessarily confusing. "The Kazekage's brother? And not even a friend but a perhaps pleasant acquaintance too? Is that why Shizune's been seeing you sorting out diplomatic missions in Suna with such new interest?"

Oh. They're talking about two different things. Sakura's been busted on one thing, only to have ended snitching on herself with another.

"Suna. You've also been looking at Iwa…" Tsunade counts out lazily. "Kumo, Kiri…"

"I'm only curious."

"You start dreaming about running away long enough that soon you convince yourself you've got no other choice."

Sakura isn't running away, barely even flirted with the idea. She's not seriously considering galivanting around the world like some kind of irresponsible hack, it'd just been nice to touch the mission scrolls and wonder. Was that a crime?

"I just…I was just thinking, shishou."

"About what?"

"I've hardly left the village if it wasn't for some do-or-die mission, or for a brief foray as your diplomatic aide, right by your side. It's been too dangerous to risk it alone, but with peace coming down, I'd hoped maybe I'd have a chance to…see what it's like outside the village." Sakura colours, having said more than she wanted, more than she's ever allowed herself to think, let alone out loud. She stammers, speedily amending. "Not now, of course. But eventually."

"Eventually, or in the event that…? What?"

"I just said eventually," Sakura can't help feel a little defensive, and a little irritated. No matter how important she thinks it is to be poised and respectful toward the one woman who can – and has – beaten her ass, and given her everything Sakura needed to make herself the person she is today.

"From what I've heard I can't trust you to relax within the village, I don't think you even remember how. I'm not sending you out."

"Shishou – "

"Get your act together," Tsunade orders. "In five years you'll thank me for refusing you, or curse me. I don't care which. I'd have given anything to have someone with the guts to stop me when I was a young girl, because leaving home doesn't make it any less unbearable. Nothing's happened that can't be fixed, Sakura."

Sakura sits down, hands folded uselessly on her lap.

Tsunade sighs. "Go out. On a date, on the town. Whatever it is. Stop punishing yourself with your duty, this village isn't going to implode if you pause for a moment."

That's rich, coming from you.

Tsunade's two steps ahead of her. "I see you're thinking wiseass thoughts." Tsunade kicks her legs off the table and sits, crouched forward like some kind of old man yakuza type. "What's this about the kazekage's brother?"

Okay, no way is Sakura about to let that become a thing. She raises her palms up, "it's nothing, I just got a little freaked out that Ino maybe decided to gossip with you a little – "

"Gossip, is it? I'm intrigued."

"Ino just misunderstood, she thought he was flirting with me!"

"Yamanaka Ino's usually correct about what ninja's communicate, it's her job after all."

"Well, she's wrong! He wasn't – and I don't know, I thought you were teasing me."

"Why does that make you panic so much? You're beautiful, capable, incredibly strong and know what you're about?"

"I'm not panicking!" temper creeps up on Sakura, at all this fuss. "I'm just setting things straight!"

"You still hung up on that war-criminal?"

Sasuke? Sakura opens her mouth –

And…and she's not sure if she's supposed to defend her teammate or throw a tantrum about how Tsunade is just plain wrong about something that's so complicated its been making her lose sleep for weeks, but Tsunade swiftly saves her from that loaded question.

"Well, I'm not interested in losing my prize student to Suna."

Sakura droops forward and smothers her temples in her palm, exhausted.

"Alright then, I'll believe you," Tsunade says finally, and she means it. "if anything, your outburst shows me you definitely need some time off, you're driving me crazy. So unless you want us to pick at exactly why this all makes you so uncomfortable, I'd suggest you take what I'm offering you."

"That's not fair, shishou."

"I'm the Hokage, I don't need to be fair."

—

And that's how Sakura earned a week's leave and was strong-armed into agreeing to return to her duties with reduced hours. Ino gives a quiet but no less villainous series of chuckles as Sakura finished recounting this to her on their way back from I&T where Sakura has picked her friend up as she always does.

"You really thought I'd blabber to the Hokage?" Ino blows her hair out of her face and casts a serious look on her friend.

Sakura does colour, then. "Whenever you visit you're discussing something juicy."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but juicy?" Ino laughs outright. "You innocent girl. Is that the juiciest thing that's ever happened to you? I'm sad."

Sakura stops in front of a fruit stall so she can grab a peach and use that as some kind of stress toy instead of facing Ino – and punching, or apologizing to her. The fact that Ino has an air of superior and mature knowing about both these things, just makes Sakura feel like a worse friend.

"Sakura-san!"

She whips around at that joyous greeting, she has never been so relieved to hear Lee's voice. Ino gives her that discretely exasperated girl-that-poor-boy-is-in-love-with-you look that she always gives Sakura when Lee shows up, but Sakura isn't in the mood to deal with Ino's know-it-all ways right now.

Ino adeptly plucks the bruised peach out of Sakura's hand and exchanges some words with the seller as Lee approaches with Tenten and Shino in tow. That's an unusual mash-up. Sakura can't help the big smile she gives, she's always pleased to meet Lee – his good cheer and his odd frank-politeness means she's always had a soft spot for him.

"Ino-san," Lee addressed Ino more politely, but smiling still big as he always does. Tenten gives a little cheery wave and grin, Shino nods and makes some kind of greeting noise.

Ino holds the brown bag of Sakura bruised fruit and grins. "Hey, you three. You look like you're on some kind of mission." She's effortlessly charming and self-possessed, down to the way she gestures to everyone. "What's up?"

"It's Kiba's birthday, this weekend."

"That's nice," Sakura says, unmoored. Shit, someone else who's seen her absolutely mess up – Lee saw her mess up, and she'd just…forgotten. Now it all comes back in some disorienting lurch.

Tenten frowns a little. "Are you okay?"

"She's still recovering from the massive beatdown I gave her," Ino says airily, promptly, flawlessly. "You need to hydrate, Forehead."

"Jeez," Tenten laughs when Sakura glares at the blonde."Anyway, it's Kiba's birthday and his team's planning something."

"Kiba's going to hate it. How do I know this?" Shino interrupts in one of his characteristically weirdly timed segues. "Because he hates birthdays."

"No one hates their birthday." Ino decides sensibly.

Sakura does. "Oh, so there's going to be like a party? Will Kiba be comfortable?"

"He won't," Shino says flatly. "But Hinata wants to throw one."

"That's….nice."

"I can't say that it is," Shino says. "Because Kiba hates birthday parties."

"As you've said, good Shino!" Lee interrupts before this can get any more weird, bolstering forward with unfailing good cheer and swift and surprising tact. "It's always nice to get together to celebrate something like this, it's a celebration of youth, after all!"

"We're helping you exactly because you're being so withdrawn about this," Tenten agrees. "Hinata-chan asked us to invite everyone, so that's what we're doing."

"Exactly," Lee nods emphatically. "So you two must come."

"Is this a surprise party?" Ino raises a brow, dubious. "Ninja hate surprise parties, and if Kiba's any good at being one he'll sniff it out right away."

"Agreed," Shino says simply in a way that says he finds Ino's statement the first bit of sense he's heard all day.

"Damn, you don't make this easy!" Tenten folds her arms and sighs at the hooded nin. "Look, it doesn't matter if he knows or doesn't know – the point is it's meant to be a surpise, you don't have to give gifts or anything, just come to the barbeque joint by eight, five days from now, Saturday. Hinata's booked the whole place."

"How nice."

Ino hums in response to Sakura's incredibly lame response, giving Sakura one of her incredibly knowledgeable looks, covering it up by pretending she's sweeping her white-gold bangs out from her face. It's discrete to everyone else, but Sakura's known her friend long enough that she doesn't need to look at her to feel that the brief look burning against her face like some kind of all-seeing sun.

"Dress code?" Ino almost purrs.

"I-I don't know?" Tenten laughs, caught off-guard, and thinks on it. "Casual? It's meant to be a chill event, some drinks, lots of good food? If you want to come in shinobi gear that's ok too – " Tenten laughs again. "We haven't had a big Konoha…12…" she forces a grin, full of fleeting pain. "you know – like this – before..."

"Well, casual but cute, okay." Ino smooths over quickly, missing nothing. "You ought to let your hair down, I bet it's longer than mine!"

"I've never seen you without your hair up," Lee realises out loud and Tenten manfully waves away all this new attention, unused to her appearance being at all examined. Being annoyed is always a good distraction, Sakura knows that most of all.

"Well! We're meant to regroup with Hinata and Naruto in…shoot, fifteen minutes – and we still haven't told Sai or Shikamaru or Chouji!" Tenten complains. "We've still got a few others to tell!"

Sakura can't listen to this right now.

"Don't worry, I'll tell my teammates and Sakura'll tell Sai, won't you?"

"…Sure." Sakura manages.

"Well, then!" Tenten declares. "See you guys there!

"Actually, I – " Sakura makes to protest, but finds herself in a headlock, shoved under Ino's arm and fighting to get out of it as Ino royally messes her hair.

"See you there! Let's get you some water, Sakura." Ino claps her forearm, considering her hands are full of offended, violent pink-haired friend. "Or maybe something stronger, to soothe the sting of defeat? Good luck, you guys! And cheer up a little, Shino – it's gonna be fun!"

Sakura grinds her jaw as their peers leave, and jabs at Ino's kidneys.

Ino releases her without so much as an 'oof'.

Sakura glares.

"What? You're not gonna be a stick in the mud, are you?"

"Why did you do that?!"

"You were about to do something embarrassing and telling," Ino tosses the brown bag at her. "anyway everybody's gonna be there, didn't you hear?"

"I'm not up for…I really don't want to…"

"Is that so?"

"It's not easy for me!"

"You're going and that's final."

"What are you, my mom?!"

"Oh, do you want me to tell your mom, Sakura? Because I can! Then you'll have two of us teaming up – might as well throw the Hokage and Shizune-nee into the mix, oh, I'll make it hell for you real quick."

"Ino," Sakura growls.

"Come on, you don't know it – but I'm saving your life right now." Ino decides, "I've got a shift at the flowershop in fourty-five, let's have some lunch. While I'm taking care of flowers, I'm tasking you with planning a non-atrocious outfit. I can't hold your hand forever, but I will intervene if it doesn't meet my standards. And tell Sai, will you?"

—

Sai sets his novel aside when Sakura finds him at his apartment, forgoing shopping. "I thought the beautiful one told you to find an outfit?" The cover is face-down, so Sakura's missed the chance to gently find out if Sai's reading interpersonal-relationship how-to's or plain old erotica. It's not orange, so that's a blessing.

"How do you just assume I don't have already have a perfectly fine outfit in my closet?" Sakura demands.

"I've rarely seen you out of mission fatigues," Sai says. "And what I've seen isn't all that great."

Now everyone's just plain ganging up on her.

"Is Sasuke-kun coming?" Sai asks, and begins pottering about in his neat, so-sanitary she could perform surgery in it, kitchen – Sakura shrugs, he brings back a glass of water for her.

"Thanks."

"Ah, you're not going to ask him?"

"I wasn't asked to."

"But whether or not he was…I was invited," Sai realizes, and he seems a little astounded and a little pleased. Sakura can't stay irritated with him then, and nods with a smile.

"Of course you were!" Sakura rolls her eyes. "You're one of us."

Sai doesn't give his thoughts on that matter, but nods. "And Naruto? Have you told him?"

"Considering he's helping spread the word," Sakura says making sure her tone is nothing but pleasant and casual. "He knows."

"He's planning it?"

"I don't know, he's just helping…Hinata…and her team."

"I see."

Sakura chugs the water before she does something stupid.

"So are we meant to bring a date?"

Water sloshes into her lungs, Sakura proceeds to hack one out.

Sai waits, infuriatingly patient.

"It's just a get-together," Sakura answers in gasps once she can breathe. "It's just..a…a party!"

"Alright then," Sai breaks out into a pleasant smile, "let's go together, then."

What.

"Are you averse to this?"

"Sai, you don't even like me."

"Of course I like you."

"You call me Ugly."

Sai hums.

"Like all the time."

"Nicknames are meant to build rapport between friends."

Sakura speaks patiently, kindly – she knows that Sai lacks greatly in the emotional and social department, that often the incredibly incendiary things he says lead to catastrophe in how they can effortlessly drive the most mild-mannered of people into extreme reactions. She knows he's trying to understand, and that he makes mistakes – and she's made a fair share of hers – but she's trying to be kind to him. She can't be cruel to him, no matter how easy it would be – precisely because of how easy it would be.

"Well," Sakura begins haltingly. "That's it, we're friends."

Sai nods as though this is both obvious and obviously irrelevant to the matter at hand.

Sakura plays with the glass. "Besides, you should only go out with people you like."

"I do like you."

"You don't like-like me," Sakura exhales, put-upon. "Anyway, don't you know I'm in love with Sasuke – " she says it sarcastically, like she's repeating something so awfully, hatefully boring, that's said about her, that she's just sick of hearing about.

"It doesn't stop you from being in love with Naruto."

Oh, oh no.

"You're all pale now, but I expected that." Sai flips over the book. Sakura hardly notices, she wouldn't notice if the world exploded – her internal world is already in shambles, and she is sore, she is panicking, she is thrown into the deep end of something she can't possible wade without completely drowning – of all the things Sai can say to her, after everything, this is cruelest of all.

"Now you're turning red, it's an indication of romantic fluster or complete rage – should I duck, or prepare for an embrace?"

Sakura stands abruptly, her hands shake so hard she can hardly put the glass back down without messing up. "That's a shitty thing to say to me, Sai."

Sai quietens, he can't meet her eye for a bit. He realizes he should. "…I'm sorry."

"Are you?!"

"I am." Sai looks away. "I haven't made a proper apology yet."

Sakura doesn't wanna talk about this. She never expected an apology from Sai, her actions are her own – and looking at it from any other angle, it's too much, too soon. She pushes her hair out of her face with a shaking hand, exhales. She searches for something else to talk about, anything, no matter how…how crazy and off-the wall she feels right now, if she finds her footing, if she finds anything then everything will be okay. Everything can be okay, she'll make it. She will.

"What's this all about, anyway?" Sakura asserts shakily, nodding away her nervous energy at the book. "Are you reading something?"

"Research." Sai pastes on a smile. "About romantic relationships."

"Oh."

"Yes."

Sakura puts her hands on her hips, finding herself, nodding. "Is that why you're asking me out on a date? Research?"

Now it's Sai's turn to look uncomfortable, aware too late that he has commited some kind of faux-pas and ill planned tactlessness unintentionally. "Does that offend you?"

"Well, I wish you'd started with that." Sakura exhales in a great whoosh. "You could ask anyone out, you know? Is there someone you're…interested…in?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Ah, it's been clear in every one of my interactions with socialized people that I myself am lacking in…the usual socialization. I could say something…unpleasant or ill-thought without realizing it. I lack the schooling and the experience."

"Well," Sakura folds her arms. "I haven't dated either, so I'm not sure how much help I'd be. You should ask the person you like."

"And hurt them in the process with ineptness, with inexperience?"

"Well, if they know you, they know you're well-intentioned enough that they'd overlook it?"

"Really, Sakura?" Sai drawls.

She sees he's finally learning sarcasm well enough to weaponize it convincingly, and laughs softly. "I'm not exactly doing great in that department either."

"But you know me. I trust you," Sai finally says. "You understand me. I think that I understand you…or have tried to…or I trust you most when it comes to that. You're my friend, after all."

Sakura droops into her chair, "Oh, Sai."

"Besides maybe I really am in love with you and don't know it, and vice versa." He adds brightly, as though it can cover up the absolute heart-punch he's given her by trusting her with all this.

"I think I know that's absolutely not the case," she sighs. "Jeez."

"Then you know more than me."

"That much at least," Sakura laughs. "Well, uh," she falters. "Are you sure there's not somebody you're interested in?"

"I don't know," Sai gives it some thought. "I don't know enough yet to know anything like that, going on a date with you might let me know more than I don't know – or at least it'll prepare me if it ever comes up in future."

Sakura gives it some thought.

"What say you?"

"It's an experiment, right?" Sakura nods. "Alright then, I find myself having some free time I don't know what to do with. And we already hang out a lot – except this time we wouldn't be sparring or doing team-mate-y stuff. I won't go to the party with you, though. It's a little too early for me to commit myself to something that we're calling an experiment as something so public as a confirmed romantic relationship."

"Fair terms."

"Well, how about tomorrow? Plan a date for me tomorrow, using knowledge you've gleaned. And then I can rate it and advise, and build on from there. As a friend, of course."

"Alright," Sai is already pulling out a note-book and jotting things down so seriously and scientifically she has to stop herself from laughing. "Unless you fall in love with me, against your better advice."

"Yeah, sure. Then I can fall in love with Kakashi-sensei and Yamato-senpai, just to round the whole thing off, yeah?"

"Those older types are much easier to seduce than you imagine."

"Weird how I have never imagined it then!" Sakura exclaims, completely thrown by this weird turn. "Sai, do you imagine that? Why are you imagining that? Hey! Come on – "

Sai is already steering her toward the door. "Seeing each other too often is the death of romance."

Sakura finds herself outside, turning toward him with a curious look. "Who said that? Also, don't distract me!"

"Don't married people seem miserable? And I'd hardly be worth my training if I don't look at all avenues I might one day be required to exploit."

"And in exactly what circumstances would that be required of you?!"

"Mysterious ones," Sai said, as if that explained anything. "I'm liking you less and less, wear something cute."

"What – "

"I'll contact you."

And that's that.