A/N: Greetings from Melbourne Australia. As I post this I have the sound of solid rain outside that has been indecisively swinging between drenching downpours and gently falling showers for nearly 5 hours now - the perfect natural soundtrack for editing and posting this chapter. :)
Dearest Georgiana,
It has been a quiet day today, a steady interminable rain keeping us cloistered inside since Thursday evening. Last time I wrote I had hoped it might be possible to bring you here for a short time but unfortunately circumstances arose to make that unadvisable. I am sorry for this on more than one account. My first desire, of course, is to see with my own eyes how you are, to be assured the cheerful tone of your last letter is more than just my own fervent hopes for you. I recognize trust is now a difficult component for both of us at times, but I am beginning to wonder if our cousin was right when he suggested this time apart would help rebuild some of what we both lost over the summer (though do not tell him I said so – it would make him insufferable and we have Christmas to spend with him yet). Mrs Annesley has certainly proven her worth, and I am glad to read your words of admiration for her counsel and encouragement. I want you to know through experience, a true regard and friendship such as will attest to the value of character and mutual respect. And I will say these words over and over until you believe them Georgiana – I am proud of all that you are and that I can claim you as my sister. Your heart, honesty, diligence, and compassion are all commendable in my eyes. You are still seeing mistakes, but I see a young woman capable of recovering from an error of judgement that was not her fault, displaying a courage I admire as she slowly and cautiously begins to believe in the goodness of others once again. However, that generosity of heart you give to others needs to be directed also toward yourself. We need to see the aspects of our character we can improve upon, but true honesty would also demand we see where we have done well. If there was mistake on your end it was only to love and trust where it was not going to be valued and treasured, but let me assure you, to love is never wrong. We are held accountable for our choices, our actions, what we do with that love and how we express it. But to love another, to believe in the goodness of another should not be something you ever feel ashamed of. If fault is to be attributed to anyone, it lies with those who showed themselves unworthy of your love and trust. You may have contemplated an elopement, but you did not hesitate to tell me all when I turned up that afternoon. Deception was never part of your character – that belonged to others. They failed to corrupt you. Own that part of yourself, dear Georgiana, your heart through it all was pure in both love and motive. That is who you truly are and I prize that beyond everything.
The other reason I had hoped for your company, was to introduce you to Miss Elizabeth whom I mentioned in my last letter. Her sister is back to full health and Bingley and I have seen them both twice since their departure last Sunday. I cannot remember how much I have already shared, but each time I meet them I am more certain than ever that you would quickly grow to love these women, and I hope your acquaintance with them is only delayed. I do not know Miss Jane Bennet very well, but Miss Elizabeth is like a balm to the soul; kind, trustworthy, enjoyably entertaining, and honourable to the core. She is just the sort of person to draw out the best in both of us, and if you could have had an older sister to guide you, I would
Darcy's pen paused. He looked at the last sentence and felt it penetrating to someplace deep within, pounding on a solid door, demanding entrance. He knew what his pen was about to reveal, that Elizabeth would be the sort of sister he would want for Georgiana. The pounding on those solid doors inside him was reverberating through his soul, he could almost hear the deep, boom, boom, boom, requesting admittance for at least a hearing. He put down his pen and rose to his feet.
Pacing in his apartment, he cautiously looked at what was hovering in front of him. He had been denying his heart, knowing that choosing Elizabeth was motivated by his own needs and longings, while failing to meet the expectations of his duty instilled by a lifetime of his parents' vocalized hopes and corresponding life choices. Yet now a "what if" wedged its way into his mind. What if Elizabeth would be meeting the needs of others that were under his care in new ways that, he had to admit, he himself had not even considered a month ago. What if she was the best choice in ways his parents could not have known, in a manner their societal social structure did not value. Had he not disdained the superficiality of what he saw in upper society? Had he not purposely withheld himself from many of their practices because they did not align with his own values? Darcy had no doubt that Elizabeth would be a beneficial influence for Georgiana, providing many wonderful attributes that his own disposition could not. Elizabeth might be able to help Georgiana heal, to believe and trust again as she had done for him, gently shifting Georgiana away from berating herself for what was never her fault. But beyond such hoped for considerations, Darcy was convinced Elizabeth's presence could possibly restore that essence of family life that he remembered from his youth; sunny moments of joy and unconditional love. Georgiana deserved to experience what Elizabeth fairly radiated when in a room.
But what would be the impact beyond the family home, came the unbidden thought. The old arguments in his strongly trained rationales were still holding their ground – defensively. What society would say or assume if he was to marry someone without fortune or connections. The vicious tendencies that might ostracize Elizabeth, and possibly Georgiana by association. The probable long term implications, not only on their standing in society but upon their children too?
Their children….the concept brought a sudden warmth back to his thoughts. He held it there for a moment, savouring the image of Pemberley ringing with the sound of children laughing, their little footsteps along the hallways, Elizabeth bending down to scoop one up into her arms, while he held another and a nursemaid carried a third, still a babe.
Darcy, focus! he berated himself. You know already what will be to your advantage. The questions that need answering are the farther reaching implications of such a choice.
He walked back to his desk, drew out a fresh sheet of paper and began listing all the reasons why a marriage with Elizabeth was arguably inadvisable. He had been around long enough to know how cruel society can be, even to their own. It was like an untamed beast; docile when satiated but vicious when hungry. Some entries he wrote down were theoretical worst case scenarios but he could not be blind to their possibilities. However he forced himself to also write down the theoretical best case scenarios too. Lastly he wrote down the as yet unknown quantity of Elizabeth's own family. She had teased that he could think of their foibles if he felt himself in danger and he was going to take her at her word. He would gather as much information about them as respectfully possible. Miss Mary, it would seem, was receptive to kindness and displayed less rigidity than he had first supposed she would when he spoke to her the other day. The younger two he had reservations about but Miss Jane would never cause someone embarrassment. Mrs Bennet he understood better now that he knew of the entailment and perhaps dynamics would improve with an advantageous marriage. He kept writing, each point followed by possible arguments both for and against. At times he would rise to his feet and pace, before reclaiming his seat again to add to his notes. As shadows began to encroach upon the room, he finally pulled out his letter to Georgiana, that had been forgotten under several sheets of rationalizations. He would finish this letter to his sister with all the honesty he could marshal. He read over the previous paragraph to the last sentence.
She is just the sort of person to draw out the best in both of us, and if you could have had an older sister to guide you, I would
Picking up his pen he closed his eyes, riding the current of his earlier reflections.
… wish for you someone like one of these two sisters. I watched Miss Elizabeth deflect provocation with good humour on Thursday and with clever yet polite directional management, endeavour to make me comfortable with admirable adeptness. She may even be merited with stretching your reticent brother to go beyond polite endurance of society to something more compassionately humane. She has a way of looking at life that makes everything feel brighter, lighter, and happiness more possible, which I believe we could both benefit from. I will see her again at Bingley's ball on Tuesday and hope that I might obtain her permission for a correspondence between the two of you, if that was something you would feel comfortable with Georgiana. I know friendships must come naturally, you will be able to select your own confidants, but I hope you will at least be comfortable as acquaintances with the elder Bennet sisters.
Darcy finished the letter by detailing the preparations being made for the ball, the dances he had already engaged partners for and the names of some of the ladies Miss Elizabeth suggested he might find worthy. This brought him to the topic of Miss Mary whom he had decided he would add to his potential dance partners after their brief and interrupted discussion about music. He concluded his letter with words of affection and the hope of seeing Georgiana soon.
...
You are very contemplative these days Mr Darcy,' said Miss Bingley to him Sunday evening as she entered the room. 'You spent most of the afternoon staring out the window at this dreary weather and now you sit lost in thought by the fire.'
Darcy looked over before returning his gaze back to the flames in the hearth. 'I have been contemplating an issue I had mentioned to Georgiana in my most recent correspondence to her. It has been much on my mind, that is all.'
'And how is your dear sister?' asked Miss Bingley as she took a seat opposite. 'You must miss her dreadfully. I have never seen a brother so diligent in his weekly correspondence to a much younger sibling. It is really quite charming. Of course Louisa and I correspond regularly when we are apart, but I would be lucky to get a letter at all from Charles, and never does he write with the care and attention you give to the practice.'
Darcy made no reply.
'Are you sure you are well? You seem quite morose.'
'Perfectly well.'
Frustrated by his uncommunicativeness she resorted to goading him in the same manner that had proved successful previously. 'Surely you are not grieving the loss of a certain Bennet making eyes at you all the time?' she teased. 'That is not like you, Mr Darcy. But then again,' and she looked at him slyly, 'you did seem to enjoy the attention when we were at Longbourn.'
'I do not understand what you are seeking to achieve, Miss Bingley,' Darcy replied, trying to soften his voice when it came out a little terse.
'I was just surprised to see you playing along when Miss Eliza Bennet was becoming so very bold in her display on Thursday. I had not expected it of you, that is all.'
'I saw nothing bold in her behaviour,' Darcy said dismissively.
'If you say so Mr Darcy,' she said with a teasing lilt to her voice.
'Miss Bingley,' he said with growing impatience, 'Miss Elizabeth Bennet and I have developed a friendship, one that is based on honesty, trust and understanding. If you deem mere smiles of welcome, kindness and hospitality,' he saw Miss Bingley's look of disbelief, 'yes, hospitality,' he repeated more firmly, letting his words sit unaccompanied for a moment before continuing. 'Miss Elizabeth did nothing that was not promoting conversation between those present, in my opinion showing a forbearance and skill that was actually admirable.' He felt the edges of his present annoyance soften at the memory. 'If that is regarded as bold,' he continued in a more controlled tone, 'then I can only say that I wish there was more of it in the world.'
'In my opinion the Bennet family have more than their fair share of boldness,' replied Miss Bingley, an edging fear making her voice a little sharp. 'You cannot have become blind to the embarrassment such a mother brings, let alone the younger sisters who clearly do not know the benefits of propriety when in company.'
'I saw many things during our visit at Longbourn and I think it would do more benefit for each person who was present to investigate their own behaviours and motives. Yes, there were several there that were displaying an over-eagerness in company that is neither fashionable or considered refined, but of their motives I saw no malice. Mrs Bennet, though unconstrained, showed a desire to please which I saw rebuffed by both you and your sister. The youngest are also unschooled and undisciplined, but at least they displayed humour rather than disdain. I am beginning to suspect Miss Mary tries to over-compensate for any perceived faults, her fears of judgement clearly justified by your own behaviour, and Mr Collins, though showing little intelligence or discernment, could probably be only charged with an irritating sycophantic disposition. Of all those present, the only people I saw with dubious motives were you and your sister. I have been silent on the matter up until this point as I felt myself guilty of a similar class of errors in a past not too distant.' He rose to his feet. 'I regret the necessity of speaking this way, being both your brother's friend and a house guest, but my patience has reached its limit. Please desist from denigrating Miss Elizabeth in my presence, or any member of her family or community until you have considered your own performance. I ask nothing of you that I have not done myself.' And with those final words he turned and left the room.
A/N: I hope most of you will agree with me that Miss Bingley had that coming *cue wicked laugh*. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is for that speech to finally be out. I have always wondered how Darcy held his peace throughout P&P and it felt an appropriate place to let D vent in a story about forthright speech. I leave you to wonder what was going on in her head as she was left to an empty room. Remorse, hurt, anger, jealousy? I won't be dwelling on her though. We have a ball to attend next.