Recently I've been wanting to branch out into other things I like to write FanFiction. I've written this one shot for Downton Abbey. I don't own anything except for the OC Zachary Crawley, everything else belongs to Julian Fellowes. This story has to do with the death of an infant, so if that bothers any of you, please don't read. Please leave a review, they are highly appreciated. I hope you all enjoy this.
The Power Grief Has
November 1890
Robert Crawley didn't know exactly how to feel at the moment. Should he be excited? Should he be nervous? What? He looked up to see his father standing in front of him with a glass of whiskey in his outstretched hand.
"Here, drink this, it will calm your nerves." Patrick offered. "My father did the same thing while we were waiting for Rosamund to be born."
Robert smiled weakly, taking the glass. At least Patrick had also felt this way when he was expecting his first child. "I am so curious to find out if it will be a boy or a girl." He voiced, drinking the whiskey and feeling it burn down his throat.
"Well, at least if it is a boy you would have done your duty and it can all be over." Violet, his mother said from her seat near the fireplace.
"Do you have a name picked out yet?" Cora's father, Isidore, asked.
Robert shook his head. "No, we couldn't agree on any."
"You two will come up with something." Isidore assured.
Silence fell over the library. Robert looked around at the people who were sitting and waiting with him. He wondered if his marriage would grow cold and distant like his parents did once they had their kids. Probably, he thought, marriage among the English aristocracy was usually ones of convenience and were not very close.
It felt like forever to Robert. He wished that he could be with Cora during this, but it wouldn't be proper. Finally, Martha, Cora's mother, came down. She looked grim, and that made Robert extremely worried. "It's a boy." She announced.
"It's all over?" Patrick questioned. "But we didn't hear a cry." Robert couldn't say anything, he was filled with too much dread.
"It was very weak. You will want to hurry, Robert, it doesn't seem like he will live for very long." Martha continued.
Robert rushed out of the library, the voices of his parents and in-laws filled his ears, but he couldn't really make out any of it. Taking the steps in two, Robert made it to his wife's bedroom in record time.
Inside, Cora sat up in bed, holding a bundle of blankets in her arms. The nurses were cleaning up and Dr. Clarkson finished packing up his things. When he walked over to Robert he put his hand on Robert's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He apologized before leaving. Sorry, not congratulations, this was not good.
Robert walked over to the bed and looked down at the baby. His skin looked an unhealthy shade of light grey and his breathing was clearly labored. Cora had tears in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. "It's not fair. What did this innocent child do to be so ill and die?" She inquired.
"I don't know, my dear, I don't know. This world can be a cruel one whenever it pleases, and we must pay the price." Robert comforted, sitting next to Cora.
From this angle he could get a better look at the boy. He had soft brown hair and brown eyes. He would have been, is, very handsome. Robert thought. "Let's cherish the time we do have with our son." Robert said. "Do you want to name him?"
Cora nodded. "I was thinking about the name Zachary. I know that it's an American name, but I'm very fond of it and-"
"Then Zachary it is." Robert interrupted "And for a middle name? I was thinking about Nathaniel."
Cora looked at him, unsure of what to say. "Really?"
"Yes. Zachary Nathaniel Crawley, it's a good name." Robert smiled. There was a knock on the door. The couple looked over to see Violet, Patrick, Martha, and Isidore.
"Can we come in and see him?" Violet asked.
"Of course." Robert answered. He stood, taking Zachary in his arms. He could tell that the boy was working harder to keep breathing. "This is Zachary."
"Oh! He-he's beautiful." Violet complemented.
"Is there anything you want us to do?" Patrick questioned.
"Yes, can you send for Mr. Travis?" Robert requested. "We would like to have him christened as soon as possible." Patrick nodded, leaving the room.
Martha walked over to the bed. "You must be exhausted. You should get some rest." She told Cora.
"No, I want to stay with him as long as I have." Cora replied.
"As you wish, darling." Martha smiled.
Robert sat back down next to Cora again. "Let's just wait for Mr. Travis and Papa to come back, we'll figure out what to do next afterwards."
"Zachary Nathaniel Crawley, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen." Travis finished, making the sign of the cross over the infant awhile later.
"Amen." Everyone else repeated.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Travis." Robert thanked.
"It was no problem, sir. I'll take my leave now." Mr. Travis left the room, Patrick and Violet followed behind him.
"Nathaniel. Nice name you chose for him." Isidore said. He couldn't properly express how proud he felt that he and his grandson shared the same middle name. Cora and Robert didn't reply, they didn't need to, they just understood.
"Let's give them some time alone." Martha suggested to her husband. They left and Robert, Cora, and Zachary were alone once again.
The doctor returned after a few hours. He was about to go upstairs when Violet stopped him. "Oh, Dr. Clarkson!" She called. "I have to tell you that the child is still alive. My son and daughter-in-law have been very grateful for the time that they have been given."
"I'm glad, Lady Grantham, but I am not the one to thank." Dr. Clarkson said.
"I know, I know, but I just wanted to inform you." Violet responded.
Dr. Clarkson nodded. "Thank you." Then he turned and headed upstairs.
By this time Robert and Cora knew that the end had just about arrived. They had walked around the house and given the boy milk, things like that. It wasn't much, but the two enjoyed it. Now they were back in their bedroom looking down at Zachary.
"Today is Thanksgiving back in America." Cora mentioned, kind of out of the blue.
"Well, I am thankful for Zachary, and the time we've been given with him, and for you." Robert told her. The couple looked at each other, smiling, and sharing a kiss.
"So am I." Cora agreed. After a few more minutes, Zachary's breathing became extremely shallow and his eyes drooped shut. He was gone. Cora's tears started up again. She kissed his forehead. "Goodbye, my boy."
Robert brushed the hair off of Zachary's face, doing the same. "You can rest now."
Dr. Clarkson walked over and took the infant from his mothers arms. The people would be there soon in order to take the body away.
Two days later was the funeral. Robert and Cora were inconsolable. The grief they felt from losing their child was something that they wished they would never feel again, but they would get past it, together.
May 1920
Years past and the couple's marriage grew to one of great love. Their loss brought them closer than ever. The two visited Zachary's grave every day, or at least tried to, but as their three daughters came and they got busy, it became harder to manage.
After the death of their youngest daughter, Sybil, Robert and Cora's marriage was falling apart. Cora blamed her husband for Sybil's death, and really wanted nothing to do with him after that. Robert was convinced that it was grief that brought him and his wife together and it was grief that would tear them apart.
Robert had been in the library talking to Mary about Sybil's death and the ever growing rift between the couple. He told her that he wanted to tell Sybil about the flowers and the funny things in the newspaper, but then remembered that she's gone and will never be coming back.
Mary begged him to go find Cora and tell her that, to fix the problems between them. So that's what he was doing. No one knew where Cora went to hide, except him, so he walked down to the church. Cora was in the cemetery, standing in front of a grave, Zachary's grave.
"It's been a long time since we've been here." Robert said, standing behind her.
"Sometimes it's like I forget that I have four children. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if he had lived?" Cora asked.
"All of the time." Robert answered. "When I'm walking around the estate with Matthew or I'm eating dinner with you and the girls. I wonder if he would have a family of his own by now or if he would choose to rebel against the whole system."
Cora chuckled. "I miss them both so much."
"I do too. I am full of sorrow and regret. I should have listened to you, if I had, maybe Sybil would still be with us. I miss her and I miss Zachary, but I miss you the most." Robert confessed. "I miss you being near me and talking to me…" He trailed off, unsure of her reaction. "I'm so sorry, my dear, so terribly sorry."
The tears were streaming down Cora's face. "Oh Robert." She wailed, falling into his arms. "I'm sorry for being angry at you, I only wanted to blame someone or something for my grief. I'm sorry, please forgive me."
"Of course I forgive you. Now, let's go, Mama has summoned us for tea and I have no idea what for." The couple started to walk towards the exit of the graveyard.
"I love you Robert." Cora said.
"I love you too, Cora." Robert replied. "And no matter what, I always will."
The End.