A Marauder's Trip to a Strip Club

By: Sheltie

I don't own Harry Potter at all

A/N: originally this was going to be an M story, but I wasn't feeling it so I shifted gears. It's more of a humorous story than anything else.

"Come on James, you gotta do this" Sirius said, "it's like a rite of passage or something."

"I highly doubt that Padfoot" James said dubiously.

"What, I'm not wrong, right Moony?" Sirius asked looking to their other friend.

"I question your logic and general research Padfoot" Remus said as he looked at his friend with a questioning look.

"You two are mean, watch as I work my charms to get us inside" Sirius said boldly.

"The mutt has charm, that'd be a first" James commented with a smirk.

"Oy" Sirius cried.

Remus chuckled.

The three friends were on their way to their first trip to a strip club.

James was quite hesitant about this since he was dating Lily and if she ever found out he'd have a case of blue balls and he meant a literal case since Lily would hex his pals blue and it wouldn't be just a color changing spell either. No, they'd be frozen solid. Lily had threatened him with this before and he knew she wasn't joking at all. He wouldn't put it passed her that she actually knew a spell or created on for this exact purpose.

Sirius was quite excited at the prospect of seeing hot nude ladies and get a lap dance. Whatever those were. He was sure they were a lot better than they sounded. Remus was along in hopes in reining in Sirius if he got too nuts. Their fourth friend, Peter Pettigrew, had to bow out due coming down with a terrible fever.

They got in line and found a big beefy man guarding the door.

"Don't need a Cerberus when you got that" Sirius whispered.

They got to the door and paid the fee as the bouncer checked their ID. They were let in so the first hurdle was cleared. Inside it was dimly lit and had a heavy odor of sweat and perfume. Remus was most affected by this due to being a werewolf. Sirius would be too as a dog Animagus, but was he was handling it much better.

"Moony, you alright?" James asked seeing his friend's plight.

"I'll be fine Prongs, just need to adjust" Remus muttered as he focused himself.

They found an open spot to sit in a booth that was curved in a circle. The seats were some kind of vinyl. A waitress came by wearing a skimpy babydoll outfit that was quite sheer.

"Can I get ya anything hun?" she asked with a wink and bending down more than she needed to show her amble cleavage.

Sirius leered at the twin mounds practically drooling. Remus had to kick him under the table to get him back to earth.

"Uh, yeah, what you recommend?" the dirty dog asked.

Thankfully he along with Remus and James knew how to act in the muggle world thanks to Lily. She gave them a huge course that made Sirius' head ache. But they were a lot savvier than the typical magical and knew not to make a lot of the classic mistakes many of them do.

"ALL RIGHT GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR THE SHOW. HERE'S OUR FIRST LOVELY LADY. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR TIARA!"

A woman with a very well-endowed chest made her entrance as bass thumping music began to play.

Sirius was whooping and holler with glee. He had money ready to toss since he had heard this was a custom.

James did his best to avert his eyes since he knew if he looked Lily would know and display her displeasure no matter if he tried to lay all the blame on his best mate. He didn't know how Lily would know, but she always did like she had some sort of magical ability or something.

Remus' face was flushed as he watched the woman strut about slowly removing her clothing as she used a metal pole as a dance partner.

This went on for most of the night as drinks continued to flow. Sirius was rightly enjoying himself while James was showing a restraint that would put celibate priests to shame. Remus had gotten over his red cheeks and though he enjoyed the view he wasn't as rowdy as his friend.

It was late when they finally left.

Sirius was still going on like they had just seen the most amazing quidditch match ever. He was regaling his two friends with 'play-by-plays' and other commentary.

James was finally able to get away from Sirius and arrived back his place exhausted.

"Hello James."

James stiffened as he heard this tone. In front of him was Lily and she didn't look happy.

"Uh, um, hey Lils" he greeted with a forced smile. "What brings you here so late?"

"I had thought of surprising you, but found you weren't here" Lily said.

"Oh, um, I was out with the guys" James said hoping this blanket excuse would solve all.

"Okay. I can see that" Lily said.

James felt a rush of relief flood his being. He dodged a killing curse there.

Lily then tilted her head a bit and sniffed the air. Her green eyes locked onto James.

"James, why do you smell like a bottle of two Knut perfume?" she asked pointedly.

End

A/N: sorry to end it here. Thought it'd be fun to let you imagine what Lily will to do James. Let me know in your reviews. Thanks for reading and please review.